Five weeks past and things were more tense than ever between us. I got too upset over how he wasn't taking care of himself and acting like he had nothing, and it all came out and started an argument. I tried to apologise but he didn't want to hear it, understandably.
I gave him his space and waited for him to come to me.

It was this morning that we heard about Sam – the marshal who was overseeing Haley and Jack. Then as we all worked frantically to find them before Foyet got to them, he was too far gone for any of us to speak to.

Hearing the phone call between them broke my heart. JJ and I both cried in the back of the SUV as Morgan tried to get us there before anyone died. Hearing that gunshot tore me up inside. Hotch just lost the love of his life, and Jack just lost his mother.

When we arrived, I only watched briefly as Morgan pulled Hotch off Foyet. I ran around them and upstairs. I went to the seat where I thought Jack would be hiding. Hotch had told me the story, so when he asked him to work the case, I was sure it had to be here. I threw the pillows off and opened the lid, sighing in relief as Jack's terrified eyes met mine. "Emmy." He whispered.

"Hey buddy. You're okay, you're safe." He sat up and I pulled him out, hugging him tightly. I heard Hotch's footsteps running upstairs and I saw him run in when I looked over my shoulder. I let go of Jack and he ran to his father. They hugged tightly. I could see the tears on Hotch's face as he kissed Jack's hair. I wiped a few of my own tears away and tried to keep the rest from coming out.

"You did such a good job, buddy. I love you so much." I heard Hotch whisper to his son.

"I love you too daddy."

"I need you to go with Emily now, okay? She'll take you outside, and I'll come find you as soon as I can."

"Okay daddy." Jack hugged him again before he turned and came back to me. I picked him up and tried to meet Hotch's eyes, but he was looking down at the blood on his hands. I walked out quickly with Jack, keeping his head tucked into my shoulder and his eyes shielded from Foyet's body, now covered with a sheet. I went straight outside and to an ambulance. He held onto me tightly when I tried to put him down to be looked at, so I sat down and put him on my lap instead.
He handled the check over so well; he answered the paramedics questions and let them do their routine check. They told me he was okay and didn't require a hospital visit, but one couldn't hurt.

I thanked them and took him over to the SUV we arrived in. I sat him behind the wheel and let him play with the lights. I looked up when I saw the team leaving the house out the corner of my eye. He was looking around frantically for Jack, "Aaron!" I called out to him.
He ran over and thanked me quietly before turning to Jack and pulled him back into his arms, not that Jack fought against that at all. He looked so relieved to be safe with his dad again.

"Did the bad guy hurt mummy?" I heard him whisper to Hotch.

I took a breath and ran my hand along Hotch's back lightly as I walked away, giving them some privacy. I made my way up the street a little and moved into some bushes before vomiting.
"There you are." Rossi spoke quietly as he held my hair back for me as I continued to heave. I wiped my tears and stood up when I was sure nothing else was coming up and JJ joined us, handing me a bottle of water. I rinsed my mouth out before drinking some. "There was nothing you could have done."

"I know that." I avoided looking at him. I could still see Hotch hugging Jack tightly beside the SUV. Morgan and Reid were nearby, but they were both looking in my direction right now.

Three days later we attended Haley's funeral. Despite Strauss' attendance, Hotch took my hand as we followed Haley's casket that Morgan, Kevin, Will, Anderson, Rossi, and her father carried. He held on tightly and I squeezed his hand periodically as a way of support.

At the wake, I stayed with the team at our table and kept an eye on Hotch. He seemed overwhelmed to me, but I didn't interrupt or try and get him to take a little break.
After a long while, I caught his eyes on me and he motioned for me to follow him before he walked out onto the balcony.
I excused myself from the team and followed him out, feeling their eyes on my back as I made my way to him. I stood adjacent to him and studied him for a second, "Are you okay?"

He sighed and nodded, "Exhausted, but okay."

"Have you eaten?" I asked, to which he shook his head in response, "You need to have something. I'll go get you something, what do you want?"

"No, Em," He grabbed my wrist gently as I went to walk away and he pulled me back to him, "I just want you here for a second. I'm a little overwhelmed in there and just being with you is helping." He held me then, hugging me tightly. I felt him kiss my hair and let out a breath.

We parted when we heard a throat clear and we both looked at JJ, "I'm so sorry to interrupt…but we're being called in." JJ looked directly at me now.

I smiled weakly, "I'll be right in." She nodded and retreated to the team, and I turned back to Hotch, "Say the word and I will stay here with you."

He looked down at our hands intertwined between us and shook his head, "They need you."

"Aaron, do you think that you might need me? Because you and Jack are my priority right now, and if you think you need or want me here, then I want to stay." He closed his eyes for a second before pulling me back into his arms. I held on tightly to him again.

"Stay," He whispered in my ear, "Please?" I smiled and nodded, and then I kissed his cheek before walking back into the main room quickly.
He followed a step behind me. He thanked them for coming and they took turns hugging him, and then he placed his hand on my lower back briefly before walking away towards Jack.

I turned to the team, "I'm going to sit this one out, but call me if you need any more input. I'll have a look at the file from home." They all understood easily enough and hugged me goodbye before making their way out.
Will and I sat together at the table for another hour before he left to get home to Henry, and then about twenty minutes later, Hotch approached me with Jack in his arms, half asleep against his shoulder. "Hey." I smiled at Jack when he looked at me.

"Going." He motioned towards the door.

For three days I stayed with Hotch and Jack, although I kept my distance. I was quiet and worked from his desk. I cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner for them. I cleaned up throughout the days. I just wanted them to be together and be okay.
Hotch spent the entire time with Jack, playing with him or watching movies with him, and even home videos of Haley.

I answered the door this morning while Hotch was in the bathroom with Jack. I was surprised to see Strauss on the other side. "Chief Strauss…good morning."

She managed a small smile, "Agent Prentiss." She nodded, and I stepped to the side to allow her entry. "I have a meeting set up this morning with Agent Hotchner; I figured coming to him would be easier for everyone."

I went to get Hotch and he asked me to play with Jack in his room while they had their meeting. I couldn't hear them from Jack's room, but I tried my best to give Jack my full attention anyway. He seemed okay; to be coping.

It was about a half hour before I heard the front door open and close, and then Hotch's footsteps approach the room. Jack was laying in my arms on the ground with a book, trying to read it. I had to help him with most of the words, but that was okay.
He sat down beside us, and Jack moved to lay against Hotch but held my hand tightly. I met Hotch's eyes to make sure he was okay with that, to find him smiling at me. He looked at my lips and motioned for me to kiss him. I placed a quick and gentle kiss against his lips, the first since the day Haley died.

Jack was getting tired, so Hotch decided he could have a nap before lunch, and I headed out to the open living room while Hoch put him into bed. I saw the file on the dining table across the room and fought the urge to look; what he and Strauss were discussing was not my business.
I sat on the couch, and a few minutes later Hotch joined me, now holding the file I resisted looking at. He took a breath and held it out to me. I opened it and saw the retirement paperwork. "What?"

"She offered me early retirement; all benefits included." I read through the pages and looked back at him, "I told her I have to think about it, but…"

I nodded, "The team needs you, but Jack needs you more. Please consider this seriously."

He just nodded and sat quietly with me for a while before he took my hand, "I feel awful asking you this, but would you mind—"

"Going home?" I asked when he hesitated. He met eyes with a guilty expression. I smiled and brushed his hair back, "Of course I will, Aaron. I know that you and Jack need time together to heal, without me. You can have all the time and space in the world, and just call me when you want me to come back or if you need anything."

He kissed me, soft but long. "Thank you for everything. I love you."

I smiled, "I love you too." I place one more kiss to his lips and then got up. I gathered my things and made my way out, "Please call me at any time of day if you need anything."

"I will." He squeezed my hand and I left quickly, feeling him watching me.

The next few days I worked from the office but kept my phone close. He didn't contact me at all. It worried me slightly, but I let it go. He was miserable right now and I could imagine that my presence may worsen that for him or Jack.
Garcia seemed to enjoy having me around while we collaborated with the team, but she often asked me how they were doing. The team asked me the same thing whenever I spoke to one of them, too. I just had to pretend I knew and told them they were coping.

Almost two weeks after leaving Hotch's, he sent me a text letting me know that he turned down the retirement offer and would be coming back at the start of next month. I wasn't sure if it was enough time, but that wasn't my call.
I just texted him back that I supported the decision he made, whichever one it was, and that I loved him. I ended the message asking how he was doing, but it was left unanswered.

I started to wonder if being with him was doing more harm than good for them right now, but I also didn't want to make that call and break up with him, just for it to be detrimental. He and Jack would both lose another part of their lives, in such a short amount of time.
I needed to just talk to him about it – I knew that – but I didn't want to, mostly because what if he agreed and we did break up.
I selfishly decided to just wait a little longer.

Today – four weeks since I had seen him – he called me just before 5 and asked if I had plans tonight or tomorrow. When I said I didn't, he asked me to come back. I told him I'd be there by 6:30. I left work at 5, went home to shower and repack my go-bag with a few extra outfits, and then made the drive to his place.

I knocked and he answered the door with a subtle smile, placing a kiss on my lips as I entered. The apartment was cleaner than usual. I looked at him and saw how much healthier he looked. He was clean shaven again; he didn't seem to have the same miserable look as he had last time I saw him.

"You look…better…"

He smiled again, "A few therapy sessions – on my own and with Jack – seemed to work great. Better for me, because I understand everything, obviously. But he's coping better. He's beginning to be himself again. Sure he misses her, and he still cries and talks about how he wants to see her, but he's doing okay."

I smiled and nodded, "Good. That's really good. Is the therapy helping with your guilt?"

"…To an extent. Nothing and no one-" He raised his eyebrows at me "-is ever going to be able to convince me that it wasn't my fault. However, I can deal with it better now."

Jack asked me to play with him while Hotch made dinner, and so I sat in the living room surrounded by his toy cars while he pretended to drive them around and over me. We ate and I did see how much Jack had improved.
Monday he would be going back to day-care three days a week, and the other two he would be with Jessica while Hotch was at work.
Hotch's first day back was Monday as well. He told me that on Monday we would have a meeting with the team regarding our relationship, because we never had settled that issue together. He went on to say that assuming they agreed to at least trial it, we would have a meeting after every case for the next few weeks to ensure everyone was comfortable and felt equal.

After dinner, he gave Jack a bath and put him to bed, and then he found me in his bedroom already. "Are you alright?"

I smiled, "Yeah…I just think we need to talk about what is going to happen if it doesn't work out with the team."

He leant against the dresser across from me, "Well then I guess I'd resign, or at least step down."

"No, absolutely not," I shook my head, "You have worked too hard to get where you are and to maintain that position."

"And you haven't?"

"I will transfer out to somewhere else; the question is where would have positions available, and what I want to do."

He seemed to think about it for a second, "…If you did transfer, where would you want to go?"

I bit my lip, "Well, that answer sort of relates to another question. I want an answer to said question before I make the transfer decision if I need to, but that doesn't mean you need to answer it now…or that I need to ask it now."

"Ask it."

I shook my head, "I don't want to right now. It might…upset you." The last thing I wanted to bring up was this conversation why he was still mourning his wife.

"Emily, ask it." He nodded.

I let out a breath and looked him in the eyes, "Do you want more kids?"

He was silent for a few painful seconds, looking away in thought. "I have always wanted Jack to have a sibling, one or multiple. I know you have said you didn't have any interest in having children in the past… but I've also heard several comments from JJ and Rossi suggesting differently, and I've seen how you interact with Jack and Henry, not to mention kids on cases.
"You seem like you want them, but you just say you don't because you don't think you ever will, and you don't want others to feel sorry for you for that."

I shook my head, "Not exactly…but my stance on kids is a painful thing to talk about for me and I would really appreciate if we could do this another time, please?"

He seemed like he wanted to push me to talk, but ultimately decided against it. He nodded, "Okay," He stood straight and approached me, lifting my chin and kissing me, "Let's do something else." He smiled against my lips before guiding me to lay backwards on the bed, climbing over me. I moaned as he ran his hand down the side my breast, to my hip, and then my thigh. I felt him smile against my lips again at the sound. I bit his lip gently before moving my hands down to his belt buckle.
It felt like it had been forever since we had sex.