I had two days off work due to some pretty intense cramping in my abdomen, but I just told Hotch that I was unwell and vomiting. He wanted me to stay at his place so he could take care of me, but I insisted on being home alone.
I didn't feel nauseous like before, but I still felt exhausted.

I woke tonight to some very strong cramps in both my front and my back, and then I noticed the sticky, warm feeling around my lower half. I turned my lamp on and winced as the cramp lingered, and moved the blankets away.
There was a lot of blood, like an unusually heavy period bleed. I wasn't due to be on my period yet, and I was usually regular. I missed last month, but I thought that was just stress.
I wasn't wearing underwear, and when I stood up, I noticed some clots on the sheets.

I quickly jumped in the shower, then placed on a pad instead of a tampon and got dressed. I went to my car quickly and made the short journey to the hospital. I had to pull over once due to another cramp that was so intense it made driving unsafe.

When I was finally seen by the doctors, they asked me to replace the pad I had on and give them the used one and asked me to rate my pain. They took several vials of blood to test. I sat for just over an hour before they came back and told me they were moving me to imaging. There, they performed an ultrasound.

They gave me pain relief and said they'd be back soon.

After three hours at the hospital, my doctor came in with a lady beside him, dressed in a suit. He introduced her as the hospital's therapist, and obviously then I knew something was wrong.

I was experiencing a miscarriage. He told me that he estimated me to be about 8 weeks, but there was nothing they could do. I just had to ride it out with the help of some medication and pain relief.
I had to book a follow up appointment with my regular OB/GYN in 7 to 14 days.

The doctor asked if there was someone that I wanted him to call. Through tears, I gave him Hotch's number. The doctor left to call him, and the therapist stayed seated beside my bed.
About twenty minutes later, Hotch walked into the room behind my doctor with Jack asleep in his arms. I felt guilty for making him pull Jack out of bed, but I didn't know what else to do.

The doctor and therapist excused themselves and I began crying again when I met Hotch's eyes. "I am so sorry."

"What is going on? The doctor wouldn't tell me anything, he just said you were here and you asked for me." He lay Jack down on a chair across the room, and then sat at my side, taking my hand in one of his, and wiping my tears away with his other hand.

"All the nausea, the exhaustion, just feeling out-of-sorts…Aaron, I was pregnant."

He cut me off before I could continue and I saw his eyes light up, "Emily—"

"No, Aaron," I cut him off this time, "I was…" I saw his expression fall as he realised what I said. "I wasn't off work because I was sick, I was off because I was having some intense cramping. I just thought it was a…I don't know… something small. I didn't want to worry you, so I was going to book an appointment and find out what was going on before I told you. Then tonight I woke up to the worst of the pains, and in a puddle of blood," I shook my head and started crying again, "Aaron I didn't know, I'm so sorry. You've lost so much." I was sobbing now.

He stood and sat on the side of the bed, hugging me to his chest and kissing my hair. "This wasn't your fault, sweetheart. You didn't know and there was nothing you could have done." I could hear in his voice that he was having a hard time keeping it together. He was upset, he wanted to cry. He wouldn't, but he wanted to.

(Hotch POV)

I held Emily and hushed her as she sobbed in that hospital bed until she fell asleep. Jessica arrived at the hospital shortly after to pick up Jack for me, and I told her what was happening. She hugged me, apologised, and then she left. I felt myself break down. I was sitting out the front of the hospital as I let myself give into the sadness.
I didn't allow myself any longer than fifteen minutes, though.

I texted Rossi, told him both Emily and I would be out until further notice. I texted Strauss the same thing with a little more detail, and then I returned to Emily's side.

I held her hand as she slept. The drip into her arm was almost empty now, and as the sun was beginning to rise, the hospital began to get busier with shift changes and day preparations.
My phone rang and woke Emily. I apologised to her and answered Strauss' call as I exited the room, standing just outside. "Good morning, Ma'am."

"I got your text about you and Agent Prentiss' absence. I'm just calling to make sure you're both okay…"

I took a breath. Was this something you should tell your boss? She would certainly be more sympathetic if I did, but would Emily want her to know? "Emily presented to the ER last night. She is miscarrying. We didn't know that she was pregnant."

Strauss was quiet for a few painful seconds before she found her words, "I am very sorry for your loss, Agent Hotchner. Please pass my condolences onto Agent Prentiss, and the two of you take the time you need."

"Thank you, ma'am." I hung up and my phone rang again almost instantly, this time it was Rossi.
I didn't answer his call; I would need to speak to Emily before I told anyone on the team.
I entered her room again quietly to find her in tears again.
She looked so guilty and upset. I sat back down beside her bed and took her hand. "Sweetheart, take a deep breath for me."

She took a few breaths before she began to get up. I tried to stop her, but she looked at me again, "I need to go to the bathroom, and change the pad."

When she was in the bathroom with the door closed between us, my phone buzzed. I looked down at Rossi's text,

"Is everything ok?"

"I'll call you soon." I texted back and returned my phone to my pocket.

She lay back down and was looking at me for a few seconds before she broke into another bout of sobs. She apologised to me continuously, but she wouldn't let me hold her hand this time.

At about eight in the morning, they discharged Emily with some prescription medication and gave us both some information on how to manage the next few days. The doctor said to return if we had any concerns, and he apologised to us for the loss.
I took Emily to my place after she said she didn't want to go home. It was the first time I had heard her speak in about three hours.

She went straight to my room and got into bed. She closed her eyes and didn't acknowledge me sit down beside her on the bed. "Emily—"

"Please let me sleep." She cut me off. Her voice was so sad.

"Rossi has been calling, and now so have Garcia and JJ. What do you want me to tell them?"

"I don't care." She whispered as she rolled over, now with her back to me. I sighed to myself and kissed her hair, and then I left the room.

I sat down at my desk with a coffee and stared at the wall for a while. This wasn't fair on either of us. I had just started to return to normal after losing Haley. This was the last thing I needed.
Emily deserved to be a mother; she'd be a good one. She didn't deserve to lose that opportunity.
I grabbed my phone and I called Rossi. "Hey, is there a case?" I started.

"Nothing has come in."

"Well…I'll be out until at least next week, and Emily will be out longer. She had a miscarriage last night…"

He didn't know what to say, "Aaron, I'm sorry…"

"We didn't know she was pregnant, but as you can imagine, she's not doing too well."

He sighed, "What do you want me to tell the team?"

"The truth. I think she'll want some space for now, but she'll need their support eventually."

"You let me know if either of you need anything at all."

"I will. Thanks Dave."

"Take care of her and yourself."

I hung up and finished my coffee. I rinsed the mug out and then went to my room, opening the door quietly so I wouldn't disturb her. She wasn't asleep, she was crying. I took a few breaths to keep myself under control, and then I went to my side of the bed and lay down. I nudged her shoulder for her to cuddle up to me, but she rolled back over, her back to me again. I knew it wasn't personal, but I just wanted to support her, to make her feel better. I wanted her to know that she wasn't alone.

I knew I just had to wait, and so I lay down properly and scratched her back lightly. She didn't pull away from that, I noticed. It seemed to help her calm down and breath. Only after I knew she had fallen asleep, did I let myself drift off too.

When I woke in the early afternoon, she wasn't in bed with me. I got up quickly and left the room to look for her. She was sitting in silence at the dining table, drinking coffee. I poured myself a cup and sat across from her. I waited for what seemed like forever before she met my eyes. I could see the tears in her eyes and heard the sob in the back of her throat when she spoke, "I'm so sorry. This is my fault."

"No, Emily, it's not." I shook my head.

She closed her eyes, "You don't get it," She sounded frustrated, "It is my fault."

"Tell me how." If she was getting irritated about it, it meant that she had a real reason that she thought that. I obviously didn't know the reason, so her frustration couldn't be helped until she told me.

Tears fell that she very clearly tried to hold back. She took an unsteady breath before she spoke, "When I was 15…I got pregnant. I just wanted to fit into this new place, and I wasn't careful. I grew up religious, so I went to the priest of my church. He told me that I wouldn't be welcome back if I got an abortion," She took another breath and shook her head, speaking through a sob, "I did it anyway."

"Sweetheart, this is not a punishment for something you did. You were 15, there was no way you could have raised a child. An abortion was best for you and that baby then. You did the right thing, and this is not a consequence of that."

She sobbed again and looked at me, "What is it then?"

"As terrible as it is to say, it's…bad luck…" I winced at her expression when I said that "I need you to stop blaming yourself, and I need you to let me help you get through this and move past it."

She wiped the tears away, which were immediately replaced with more, "It's not fair." She choked on a sob. I got up and moved around to her side and hugged her to me. She clung to me tightly and cried into my shoulder. I tried to calm her down while I held her by stroking her hair and kissing her temple.