For three weeks, I was meeting Morgan at the gym on early Sunday morning, and then we'd head to the shooting range. We were trying to mend our relationship quickly to minimise issues in the field. It was working well; we talked while we were at the gym. I couldn't do much right now, but I got some light exercises in that didn't aggravate my stomach. I told him about my time with Doyle, and he was asking questions. Our last sparring session just ended in him hugging me tightly and telling me how scared he had been when he saw that table leg in my abdomen, and about the nightmares he still had about it.
Rossi had spoken to me privately and said that if I was struggling to mend things with Morgan and Reid, then I might consider team counselling. I didn't think that would be necessary for Morgan, but maybe for Reid.

Reid was dismissive and quiet. It felt like I was new to the team all over again, although he didn't even snap at me this time. He just seemed tired, and I wasn't worth the argument.
Hotch had expressed at home that he was concerned that I might not be able to mend things completely with the genius. I told him I would keep trying, but if it didn't seem to start improving, then I would transfer out or resign; I didn't need to cause any more issues within our team.

JJ, Rossi, and Garcia seemed fine. JJ was a little angry, but after I had spoken to her she let it go. Garcia didn't even ask questions; she just said I was alive and here, and I was with Hotch now, and that was all that mattered.
Rossi never said anything. When I asked if he needed to talk about it with me, he just smiled and said no; that he understood that things like love couldn't be controlled. He said he was fine, that he trusted me, and that I would always be a daughter to him no matter what, and that meant he would support me no matter what.

Tonight, we were having dinner at Rossi's. I sat on the back deck with a glass of wine, watching JJ, Will, Jack, and Garcia run around with a soccer ball. Morgan was playing with Henry under a nearby tree, and Rossi was grilling on the barbeque with Hotch beside him, talking.
I felt a hand on my back and jumped slightly. Reid hadn't arrived until now, and I wasn't really expecting him to. I looked at him over my shoulder and he motioned for me to follow him. I got up, left my wine, and walked behind him. He went to the opposite side of the yard from the others and sat at the small metal table under a tree. I sat across from him and waited.

He seemed to need to think about it, so I stayed silent and watched him. He finally took a breath and met my eyes, "You had just tried to kill yourself recently, and then you decided to just up and leave us. In what world did you think that that was okay?" He snapped.

"Spence, I was trying to keep you and everyone else safe. He was attacking families, Reid. You guys are my only family. He was watching; he was ready to take you all out."

"Agent Easter told us that when you were under, you offered to get him out. If he had of taken you up on that, would you really have done it?"

I took in a deep breath, "At the time…yes. I lost myself in there, Reid. I got too deep undercover, and I developed feelings that I shouldn't have. If he had of taken me up on that, I had every intention of following through.
"Now, though. Now is different. I would never do that for someone today."

"How are we supposed to trust you in the field and with unsubs, if you're willing to give a terrorist a get-out-of-jail-free card?"

"Spence, I—"

"I need to think." He cut me off and stood, walking away quickly. I watched him wave to the others and then disappear into the house.
I wasn't sure what to do about it; this issue wasn't one that any of the others had brought up with me, not even Hotch. I didn't even know that Clyde had told them about that detail until just now.

I got up and walked back to the deck. I knew they had all seen Reid leave abruptly, but they tried to make it seem like they weren't watching. I grabbed my wine and walked over to Hotch and Rossi. Hotch put his arm around me and kissed my temple. I leant into him and sighed, "Maybe that transfer needs to happen after all. He hates me."

"Slow down, give him some time." Hotch said.

"He'll come around." Rossi added.

My second case back in the field and Reid and I ended up together trying to apprehend the unsub in the forest. We got separated, and when I found him, he had a gun pointed at Reid's head. I tried to talk the unsub down. When I realised that it wasn't going to help, I hinted for Reid to drop down flat on the ground. He didn't, and I had to make a deal that if he left Reid unharmed, then I would let him go. Thankfully, Morgan and JJ got him a few minutes later, running into him in the forest.

When we were on the plane on the way home, JJ and Morgan both sat on the couch playing cards, and I sat at the table with Rossi, Hotch, and Reid.
I watched Reid across from me and decided I couldn't wait until we were alone, "Why didn't you drop like I hinted for you to?"

He looked at me and I could see the anger in his eyes, "I didn't get the hint," He lied, "Why did you let him go? Another get-out-of-jail-free card?"

"You would have preferred that I let him shoot you in the back of the head?"

"I would have preferred you didn't let him run off."

"What did you—" I stopped myself mid-sentence and shook my head. I looked at Hotch beside Reid, "I'll hand in my transfer papers tomorrow." I stood up before anyone else could speak and went to the other end of the plane to sit alone. I got comfortable and closed my eyes, hoping to fall asleep.

"Spencer, please?" I heard JJ whisper.

When I woke, the plane had landed and Hotch was crouched beside me, his hand on my forearm. "Home time." He took my bag and his own to the car. I followed a step behind him and got in the passenger seat. "I don't want you to put in for a transfer just yet. After you fell asleep, JJ and Morgan both talked to Reid, and Rossi asked him if he was willing to attend a few therapy sessions with you. He said he will.
"You can fix this, Emily."

"Okay." I said quietly. I stared out the side window as he drove to the precinct. Once he dropped the car off, we went to our personal cars and got in.
I went home despite Hotch asking me to go to his place.

I stared at a photo of the team in one of the picture frames on the lamp table beside the couch. I bit my lip and decided to go over there. I grabbed my things and went back downstairs quickly. I drove to Reid's apartment on autopilot.
When he opened the door to me, he frowned. "Can I please come in?" I asked, worried he would just slam the door in my face. After a few painful moments of silence, he stepped to the side to allow me entry.

"What do you want?" He asked as he turned to face me, the door now closed behind him.

"I want you to yell at me. I want you to let out all your anger and frustration, and then I want to talk like two mature adults." I waited for him to respond, but he didn't. "…So…go. Yell at me, hit me if you need to."

"I don't want to hit you," He shook his head. He motioned for me to follow him and then he sat down on the couch. I sat across from him. "I don't want to yell at you, either. I know I'm tearing the team apart, and I don't want to be the reason you leave us."

"Okay, so let's talk. Tell me what is bothering you so much?"

"Being in a relationship with him I can understand; that was your mission. Being in a relationship means sex, so I can move past that, too. But I cannot believe that you were willing to help an international arms dealer and terrorist to escape. Even if you loved him…he was still a terrorist, and you knew that. How did you let your feelings override that fact?"

"I spent two years with that man. Every day for two years, we exchanged "I love you", we shared a bed, and we had dinner together every night. Yes, I knew what he did, but that wasn't who he was. Spence, he was the only boyfriend I had ever had prior to Hotch who treated me like I was the world to him. I lost myself in that. I wanted to be with him, and I figured that if I got him out, then he would get some menial job somewhere and we could live happily ever after and leave the criminal life behind.
"I know that it isn't a good excuse, but it's all I have, and I'm only being honest with you."

"When you came out of that assignment, did you have insomnia? Nightmares?"

I nodded, "I still have nightmares sometimes."

"Flashbacks?"

"In the beginning, occasionally. Not anymore."

"Did anyone ever assess you for Stockholm syndrome?" He looked at me. I didn't respond. It wasn't Stockholm; he didn't abuse me in the way most people were when they developed that illness. "I think you may have had some form of Stockholm. I just don't see you seriously offering to let a terrorist off the hook whilst in your right mind."

I shook my head, "I don't know, Spence." And I didn't. I really didn't.

He was looking down in thought for a short while. I sat silently, waiting. Finally, he looked up and smiled at me, "Want to go get something to eat?"

I smiled back, "Let's go." I guess it was easier for him to accept it if he just told himself that it was Stockholm Syndrome. I left it be; why continue the argument?

After getting a rather emotional dinner with Reid while we talked it all through, I stopped by home to get my bag, and then continued on to Hotch's place. I checked my watch on my way up to his apartment and realised that he was probably in the middle of bathing Jack. I got my keys out and let myself in. I heard them talking and then they went quiet when they heard the door close behind me. "It's just me!" I called down the hall. I dropped my bag in Hotch's room and then headed to the bathroom. I stood against the door frame as Jack yelled my name in excitement. "Hey!" I smiled at him.

"Where have you been? I tried calling you…" Hotch looked at me over his shoulder.

"Sorry, I was getting dinner with Reid. I fixed it…we don't need counselling." I sat on the closed toilet seat and played with Jack while he finished his bath. Hotch stayed put and watched with a smile on his face.

Jack requested I read his bedtime story to him, so Hotch washed the dishes while I put his son to bed. He was asleep by the time I finished the book. I tucked him in tightly, kissed his forehead, and turned to walk out. I jumped when I saw Hotch standing in the doorway where he hadn't been a moment ago. He walked in and kissed Jack, and then he held my hand and led me out.
I sat on the couch with him and he kissed me deeply. "You're so good with him." He whispered against my lips and kissed me again, and I hummed contently. He pulled back and looked at me, "So if there something you want to tell me about this past week?"

"…No?"

"JJ said you were having nightmares again, and I assume it's Doyle."

"Ah…" I looked down at my hands, "Yeah…they came back again. I'm not sure if they'll ever really go away."

"Can you tell me what the nightmares are, exactly? Are they from when you were with him, or when he came back? When he tortured you?"

I sat back and sighed, "They're about the night he found out who I really was. He was never abusive whilst we were together, in any form. But that night when he found out, he made Louise take Declan out, and I managed to get a moment alone with her and tell her to run with Dec, and then I gave her two plane tickets for them. That night…he repeatedly raped me and beat me…for hours" I looked at him now and he looked so concerned. "I'm okay," I assured, "The nightmares are bad, but that's all they are: nightmares. I'm going to continue going to therapy when I can, and hopefully they'll stop soon and I can let it all go. Nothing feels the same as it did prior to Doyle coming back into my life, neither with the team or with you, but hopefully the therapy will help with that too." I kissed him again, long and gentle.

"What feels different with us?"

"I feel like you don't trust me, you feel betrayed. You can't just overlook the fact that I dated a criminal, understandably. I don't know if I could if our roles were reversed." I shook my head and looked down.

I met his eyes again when he took my hands, "Emily, we've been through this. We're going to work it out. I love you, and I'm not leaving you because of the choices you made in your past." He put a hooked finger under my chin to hold my head up and he kissed me.

"I'm going to go shower," I let my hand move down to his thigh and his breath hitched, "And then we can go to bed…" I smirked at him with a wink.
My stomach was still sore at times, and especially today after chasing the unsub, but the stitches were healed and fine.