Three weeks had passed since Maeve died and no one had heard from Reid. We all tried stopping by and calling and texting. Garcia even tried slipping a written letter under his door. Still, nothing.

Today, I had enough.
The last two nights had been an endless argument between Hotch and I, and Morgan was still being distant, and my therapist wouldn't lay off, and I was tired.
So, after I dropped Jack at school, I headed straight to Reid's apartment and didn't even attempt to knock. I got my key out and opened the door to let myself in.
The entire team had agreed that we wouldn't use our keys unless for an emergency. We wanted to respect his grieving process. However, I thought two weeks without a simple "I'm alive" was ridiculous. We just wanted to know that our worst fear hadn't come true – that he might relapse, and even overdose.

Once the door was closed behind me, I looked around in shock. Reid had never been as neat as me or Rossi, but he didn't live like this. The very fact that there were books scattered all over the floor meant he was no way near okay. He would die before disrespecting his books.

I looked up when I heard his footsteps and I met his tired eyes in the doorway to his bedroom. He looked terrible: his clothing was loose; he was wearing a robe. His hair was messy and looked like it could use a wash, he had stubble. "Whoa…"

"Why are you here?"

I snapped out of my shocked state and sat down on his couch, moving a few books and a sweater to do so. "I just needed to know that you were alive. Sit, talk to me."

"No."

"Spencer, you need to let this out. This– " I motioned around at the apartment, "— isn't you. I understand that you are grieving, and you want to do it alone…but I can't let you do that anymore. I haven't been able to sleep since it happened, because I am terrified that you are going to relapse, and maybe take it too far…accidentally or intentionally."
He just stared at me. He didn't move, he didn't speak, which told me that either he had relapsed, or he was thinking about it.
"So have you?"

He was silent for a few seconds before he finally spoke, "No. I promise, I haven't."

"Have you wanted to?"

He didn't reply this time, which was enough of a confirmation.

I sighed and stood. I went to the doorway to his bedroom and looked in. It was even messier than out here, and it was so dark. I bit my lip and turned, "I want you to pack a bag and come with me, please?"

"No."

"Spencer, I refuse to lose another friend to drugs. Pack a bag, you're staying at my house."

"No! I don't need to stay with the team's mummy and daddy. I am going to stay here and continue to grieve, and you are going to leave now and not come back until I tell you otherwise."

"No can do." I shook my head. My phone rang in my bag on the table and I knew it would be Hotch worried about where I was. I should have been at work twenty minutes ago. I hadn't told him I was coming here to avoid another argument. "I'm not letting you do this, Reid. You loved her, but you need to learn how to live through this. I don't mean today…but soon." I went through and grabbed my bag and headed for the door, "If you do relapse, that is a decision that you are consciously making, and Hotch has already told me that he won't be able to save your career this time."

"Addiction is a disease, not a choice."

"Sometimes, yes. In this case, I disagree. You are lucid enough to make the right decision to accept help and resist the temptation. It is hard, but it is possible. I have been doing it for over a decade."

I opened the door and only stopped it from closing behind me when I heard him speak, "Emily?" I looked back in and waited. "You still get cravings this far on?"

"Yes. I don't think they'll ever go away. That doesn't mean that yours won't ever stop…but just know that I understand better than most, and I am here for you at any time of the day or night. Call me and I'm here."

He never did call me. Two weeks following my visit, he texted and asked if it was alright if he visited after work. I told him that I was leaving at five on the dot and would make enough dinner for him to join us.
It was a little strange for Hotch and I; we didn't think we would be the first of the team that Reid reached out to. I always thought it would be Morgan, and then JJ.

After we finished dinner, Jack went upstairs to get ready for bed and Hotch went up to tuck him in, and Reid opened up to me a little bit about how he was doing. He said he was still really struggling, but now that he knew that I was there if he needed me, he felt safer.
He also told me that he came here because he was so grateful for the covering Hotch did for him both in the past and now, and he wanted him to know that.
I assured him that he did.

I offered for him to stay the night, but he declined and hugged both Hotch and I before he left.

I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I sighed quietly to myself when I heard Hotch come in, but not say anything. I turned and looked at him, and he only glanced at me before returning to his task of finding some pyjamas.

"Are we ever going to resolve this? Do you even remember what we're arguing about, because I don't."

He stared at me for a few seconds before he spoke, "I gave you a direct order in the field, and you ignored me. You put yourself in danger. I told you not to push Reid, and that is exactly what you did. I tried to get you to talk to me about what was confusing you in your therapist appointments, and you snapped at me and told me it was none of my business." He named a few reasons.

I bit my lip, "I was not in danger, Aaron. That little boy needed a way out, and I gave it to him. That is my job. That "direct order" was only given because it was me. You would not have given the same order to anyone else. I needed to make sure that Reid understood that he wasn't alone, and that I was here for him. He told me downstairs, that it made him feel safer. And I asked you to leave me be regarding the appointments until I could understand it myself. You keep pushing me, and I'm not ready to talk to you about it."

"We are getting married."

"When Aaron? You won't set a date with me. You don't want to discuss anything wedding related. You—"

"I don't want to push Jack." He cut me off. I pursed my lips and nodded, but I didn't speak. I wasn't entirely convinced that this was about Jack. To me, the last month made it pretty obvious that Hotch wasn't happy. He sighed and approached me. I resisted the urge to yank my hands away when he held onto them, "I know this isn't easy on you. I'm sorry. It is Jack, but it is also Reid…and Morgan."

I groaned, pulled my hands back, and turned away. He caught my waist and turned me back. "Aaron…"

"I trust you not to betray me, and I trust him not to betray me. But can you honestly tell me that you'd be happy to get married while he seems to be struggling to accept our engagement?"

I sighed now, "No."

"No. So let's work on fixing some of the issues we already have before we create new ones…like your transfer and the inevitable shift it is going to cause between you and the team, and you and me." He pulled me closer to him. I nodded in agreement, and then he kissed me gently.
I was the one who intensified the kiss and removed his shirt whilst pushing him to the bed.

"God, I need this so badly." I whispered as I ran one had down his bicep and the other through his hair.

I woke up only a couple of hours after drifting off into a post-sex sleep with Hotch, to my phone ringing. I was tempted to ignore it, but I grabbed it and answered quickly to ensure the ring didn't wake Jack down the hall. "Prentiss."

"I'm so sorry to wake you up." Reid spoke in a sad and almost panicked voice.

"Spence? Are you okay?" I sat up properly. Hotch turned his lamp on and sat up too.

"…I need you." He spoke quietly.

"Where are you?"

"Home."

"I'm on my way." I hung up and jumped out of bed. I slipped on some underwear and the closest clothes I could find, all while relaying the phone call to Hotch. I unlocked the safe and took my credentials and gun, and then I kissed him, "I'll see you later."

"Please be careful. Call me if you need anything." He called out quietly as I left the room. I was so grateful that he understood this. He knew that I was the only person Reid had who understood drug addiction and cravings, and he knew that I needed to help him this time around, if he'd let me.
I also knew that he was telling me to be careful because ever since I had confided in him about my cravings never really going away for good, that he was always worried that I would relapse.

Reid lived about thirty minutes away, but I broke a few laws and got there in twenty. I ran up to his apartment to find the door unlocked for me already. I let myself in, locked the door behind me, and then went further into the apartment.
It looked like he had tried to clean up at bit here and there when he felt good enough to do that.

I found him in his bed, tears running down his cheeks and his body shaking with sobs. I dropped my things on his dresser and went over to the other side of the bed. I lay on top of the covers and guided him to roll over and lay with me. He apologised a few times before I hushed him enough that he stopped.
I just held him, and soon he fell asleep against me. I tried to stay awake in case he woke up again or needed me during a nightmare, but my sleepiness ultimately won out.

When I woke up, it was morning and the sun was shining through the curtains. He wasn't in bed. I got up quickly and went into the main room where I found him sitting at his dining table and staring at a cup of coffee. I sighed in relief that he was safe, and then I went to the bathroom before going into the open room and pouring myself some coffee. I sat with him and waited, but he didn't speak.

After both of our coffees were done, I finally broke the silence, "Where is it?"

"What makes you think I have any?"

"You wouldn't have been so panicked last night if you didn't have it here, easily accessible." I waited a few seconds, watching him think. He gave in and went into his bedroom. He returned a minute later and placed two vials in front of me. "Please be honest with me, is this all of it?"

"Yes, Emily. I don't want to relapse. I don't want to lose my family and my job. I called you for help; I'm not trying to deceive you."

"Okay, I believe you. But for what it's worth, if you did relapse…you would not lose any one of us. We would all be here for you every step of the way, whether you were at work or not."

He nodded, "Did you tell Hotch?"

"Couldn't really run out of bed and to another man without an explanation…" I tried to lighten the mood, but he didn't seem amused. I sighed, "He knows how it goes, Spencer. He has had to be my lifeline a couple of times since we've been together. After Colorado, after Doyle. He knows the cravings will come as they please, especially after something traumatic."

He just nodded.

I decided to make him something light to eat, and then I would clean up the apartment. No healing was going to progress is a dark and messy environment like this.
I knew he liked to organise his books by genre, and then alphabetically. While he showered, I got through a large chunk on the room. I opened the curtains and let as much light in as the windows would allow.
I washed the few dishes that were waiting in the sink, and then I stripped his bed of his sheets and blankets, and waited for him to come back out to tell me where the others were to make his bed for him.

I called Hotch while Reid showered just let him know that I may not be home until late. Then, I called him in the evening and told him I would be home tomorrow morning.

Reid had tried to tell me it was okay for me to leave, but I saw the pleading desperation in his eyes. He couldn't be alone, and I wouldn't leave him.

I managed to get him to eat some dinner too, and then we watched a very long foreign movie before he went to bed. I stayed on his couch this time but told him to call out if he needed me.

The next morning, he seemed in a better mood. He got up and showered, dressed in normal clothes instead of the pyjamas he seemed to be living in. He opened some curtains on his own and sat down with a book and some coffee.
It was an hour of silence, him reading and me sitting with a book open on my knees, but really just thinking in my own head. Finally he closed his book and looked at me, "I think I'm going to call Morgan and see if he wants to get coffee or lunch today. Do you want to come?"

I smiled, "That's okay, you need some man time. I should go home before Hotch sends out a search party, but only if you feel okay."

He smiled and it seemed genuine, "I'm okay. Thank you for everything."