Chapter 41

"I picked this one cause I like it when you wear blue."

Liv smiles, pointing to the sunflower. "And this one?"

Noah leans into her. "Because you're warm like the sun, Momma."

It takes everything in her not to fall apart there on the couch, and she kisses the top of his curly head, pulling him into her side.

"Do you like them?" He questions.

"I love them, Noah." Her voice is just above a whisper, thick with her emotions. Noah smiles, kissing her on the cheek and she pulls him into her arms for a hug.

"Why don't we get them into some water?" Rafael suggests. His eyes are a little watery and she hands him the bouquet, and he heads towards the kitchen. "What's everyone feeling for dinner?"

She lifts Noah onto her lap, neither of them ready to let go just yet. "Can you cook?"

"Chicken and rice!" Noah requests from her shoulder.

Liv rubs his back, sinking back into the couch. "Can you make something chocolate for desert?"

Grabbing a vase, Rafael fills it with water placing her flowers inside. Heading back into the living room, he places them on the coffee table where they'll get the afternoon sun. "I may have to go to the grocery story for those requests."

Noah pulls away, blue eyes looking hopefully at Rafael. "Can I come too?"

"Sure," Rafael acquiesces. "Go get your shoes."

He slides out of her arms to find his shoes and Rafael sits on the couch beside her. "You didn't have to do that."

"It wasn't my idea," Rafael explains. "Noah came up with it all on his own. I just footed the bill."

She reaches out to cup his face. "He's following someones example," she points out softly. "You're kind of a romantic, Rafa."

He chuckles at this, leaning in to press his lips to hers. "Guilty on all accounts."

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Rafael and Noah hadn't been gone lone, and she must have been dosing on the couch because her phone ringing startles her awake. Reaching for it on the coffee table, she reads Elliots name across the screen, and against her better judgement, she accepts the call.

"Hey," he greets on a sigh.

His voice washes over her, full of familiarity and comfort and she takes a minute to just sit with it, how it makes her feel. It's as if she's been transported back in time and she feels almost invincible and oh so sure of herself and them, together.

"Liv, you still there?"

Is she?

The Olivia that he knows hasn't been present in a long time, having grown and evolved into the woman she is today.

"I'm here," she answers.

"You doing ok?"

"I am….listen, El…why are you doing this-"

"-don't do that," he cuts her off. "Don't act like you don't know why….I've been calling you, texting you, trying to apologize."

It's a beat before she answers. "…what were you expecting me to say?"

"Anything," he answers. "Anything but the silence, Liv."

"You want to talk about silence?" She questions back incredulously.

He exhales over the phone. "You're right," he admits. "….I guess….I didn't think it would be this hard, Liv…between us."

"You left for 10 years, Elliot. Were you expecting me to just be here, waiting for you?"

"No, of course not."

She lets the silence hang between them for a minute before speaking. "You showed up at my sons hospital room, scaring him, Elliot-"

"-I'm sorry-"

"-you disrespected my squad, Rafael-"

"-you listed me as your emergency contact; what was I supposed to do?" He defends. "I was trying to do the right thing, Liv."

She'll admit, not updating her directives had caused this entire mess in the first place and it's not entirely his fault. "I have my lawyer updating my paperwork, so you won't be getting anymore phone calls."

"Why are you so angry?"

Without even thinking, she hangs up on him, tossing her phone on the couch beside her. He immediately calls back and she ignores it, sending it right to voice mail. The text message come shortly after and she reaches for her phone, flipping it over.

That was a stupid question. I'm sorry…..please, can we just talk about this?

She leaves him on read, tossing her phone back on the couch beside her.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Noah leans into his side, and Rafael sweeps his fingers through his hair absentmindedly as he peruses the meat selection. "You ok, Mijo?" The store isn't overly crowded, and he takes a minute to take in their surroundings.

He nods. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for the right cut of meat for dinner." There's another man not too far from them, perusing the red meat and Rafael can tell that he's been watching them with a smile. "What do you think of this one?"

Noah shrugs, wrapping his arms around him. "I'm only five, Papa. We don't learn that kind of stuff in school."

The man beside them laughs and Rafael chuckles too.

"Can't argue with that logic," the man offers, smiling.

"No, I suppose I can't," he agrees.

The man gives him a once over, his gaze darting to his left hand before meeting his gaze again. "I'm Mark."

He nods, not taken aback by his friendliness, but a little wary given how Noah's arms tighten around him. Rafael strokes his hair in an attempt to comfort him.

"….I'm usually not this forward, but would it be ok if I gave you my number?" Mark questions. "Maybe we could get a drink sometime?"

The colour immediately creeps up his neck and it takes more than he'd like to admit to keep his features from reflecting his own surprise. "I'm actually seeing someone."

Mark smiles. "Of course….a catch like you? I should have known. He's a lucky guy. Enjoy your dinner."

Rafael nods again, and as Mark walks away, he finds himself giving the man a once over too. His face is more than red and he can feel the burn he hasn't felt in a long time, settling in the pit of his stomach.

"Lets get this one," Noah points to a package further in the back.

Swallowing hard, Rafael grabs it. "Great choice."

. . . . . . . . . . . .

"That was quick," Liv comments, helping Noah undo his jacket.

Rafael carries the few bags into the kitchen, depositing them on the counter. "Sticking to the list will do that," he teases with a smirk.

Liv rolls her eyes, joining him in the kitchen. She helps to unpack the items from the bags, as he washes his hands. "I like to browse," she defends. "And if we end up with more than what we went for, I count it as a bonus."

Rafael chuckles, wiping his hands. "Hand me the chicken."

She passes him the pack of chicken, leaning her elbows on the island. She loves watching him cook. He's got on that green sweater that makes his eyes otherworldly, and he shoves the sleeves up to his elbows, giving her an alluring sight of the veins in his hands and arms as he works. The glasses she more than loves, and the beard is growing on her, giving him a distinguished look with flecks of grey peppered throughout.

After rinsing the chicken breasts, he's got them in a bowl, an array of seasonings on the counter and he doesn't measure anything, adding what he thinks is enough. He massages the seasonings into the meat and she's a bit embarrassed where her mind immediately goes. His hands are firm, his fingers slipping and sliding between it's folds.

The heat rises in her face and the dull throb between her thighs lets her know just how long the past 4 weeks have been. Blessedly, there's a knock at the door, and she goes to answer it. Peaking into the peep whole first, she opens the door, greeting her chief on the other side.

"Chief, hi."

"I was in the neighbourhood."

"Does anyone say that anymore?" She teases, stepping aside to invite him in.

"Counsellor," he greets Rafael with a nod. "This is a nice place you've got here."

Rafael rinses his hands, grabbing the hand towel from the stove. "Thank you…can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you…this isn't exactly a social call."

Liv moves to the living room where she sits on the couch, Dodds taking the armchair across from her."Everything ok?"

"We've got another vic, pattern 23…the press is running with it, calling our perp the 'second avenue strangler'. The commissioner is breathing down my neck, and Detective Tutuola is doing an excellent job-"

"-but?" Liv interrupts.

Dodds holds her gaze. "I feel like an asshole even asking this, given what your family has been through but….the public is antsy, women are afraid and Fin isn't who they want to see right now, assuring them we're going to get this guy."

She shares a look with Rafael. "Are you asking me to come back?"

Dodds nods. "I completely understand if you say no….but if there's something we can work out, yes, I'm asking."

"…can I have a day or two to think about it? I mean, I haven't been cleared by my doctor-"

"-of course, absolutely. And like I said, please, don't feel pressured into rushing back; the ship can still run without you, Olivia."

She nods, running her fingers through her hair.

"There's something else. The commissioners big gala is in a few weeks, and this year they're honouring women in the NYPD; you're being recognized for your work with SVU."

Her eyebrows hit her hairline, surprised and shocked all at once. "He must have forgotten the many times I've pissed him off."

Dodds waves her off, getting to his feet. "Or, he recognizes all the work you've given to the NYPD, to SVU and wants to acknowledge that."

She rises to her feet too, walking him to the door. "wouldn't that be nice?"

Dodds turns short of the door, holding her gaze. "Performative as it may be, you deserve this, Olivia. There isn't anyone out there that is as dedicated to this job, but more importantly, more compassionate and an advocate for victims. Don't sell yourself short."

She's a little surprised by the tears in her eyes, and she blinks them back quickly. "Thank you, Chief."

Dodds nods. "We'll be in touch….Counsellor, just so you know, your temp is awful." He shares a look with Liv, before letting himself out.

"Subtle," Rafael comments, coming around the island towards her.

There's an ear to ear smile on his face, and she can't help but smile too.

"You deserve this, amor, and I'm so proud of you."

She slides into his arms, breathing in his scent, revelling in the warmth and strength of his arms around her. Exhaling, she softens into his embrace, sliding her hands under his sweater.

He stiffens.

Pulling back, she searches his eyes and he's already pulling away.

"How do you feel about going back to work?"

He's purposely changing the subject and as he heads back towards the kitchen, she catches the way he scrubs a hand down his face as if to compose himself. "It would all depend on what my doctor says, but I'm not going to say no, especially if they need me."

He nods, grabbing his cast iron, placing it on the stove. "You know I'll support whatever you decide; I trust your instincts."

She leans against the island. "What about you?"

His back is to her as he quickly browns the chicken breasts. "…I haven't really given it much thought."

Silence settles between them, and she waits him out, until he turns to face her.

"…I don't think I'm ready yet," he admits. "…I don't feel steady, Liv."

"There's no rush," she assures. Circling the island, she steps into him and it's a beat before he wraps his arms around her. She studies his face. "Rafa?" There's a glimmer of something, uncertainty maybe, in his eyes and Liv rubs his arms.

"When's dinner going to be ready?" Noah questions, skidding into the kitchen on his sock feet.

He pulls away, returning to the chicken on the stove. "Sooner if you come give me a hand."

Tbc