"Petrificus Totalus!"
The next thing the Doctor knew, his entire body suddenly locked up and he was unable to move as the illuminated point of Snape's wand hovered over him threateningly, leaving him trapped with nothing but memories that were not his own.
The good news was that the Full Body-Bind Curse finally wore off and the Doctor was able to move his limbs once again; he also managed to compartmentalize his thoughts and push the wizard's memories away from his mind. 'One of the perks of a trained telepath,' he couldn't help but pride himself.
The bad news outweighed the good, however, for he was locked inside a stone cold tower located in the far west wing of Hogwarts, had no TARDIS, no way back home, and was trapped in the body of a wanted wizard criminal.
Seeing as though nobody had come to see him in over an hour since Snape had brought him up to this airy tower, the Doctor decided to lay back on the rickety bench, propping up the oversized coat as a makeshift pillow as he relaxed.
Noticing the red splatters upon his shirt, the Doctor wished Snape could've at least had the decency to help fix his broken nose. Then again, seeing that he was in the body of a wanted Azkaban prisoner who was supposed to have received the Dementor's Kiss, perhaps that was a bit more courtesy than he could've asked for.
As he lay there, his sock-clad foot dangling off the edge of the bench and his hands behind his head, the Doctor closed his eyes, trying to think of a way out of this mess. He couldn't use the spare wand he found, for Snape had pleasantly confiscated that, along with the Invisibility Cloak and blank parchment of the Marauder's Map off his person. The bars were locked tight with some sort of magic spell and the Doctor had no idea how to do wandless magic, let alone magic in general.
'Great. Just perfect,' he thought to himself, absentmindedly scratching away the itchiness of the Dark Mark upon his left forearm.
Trying to ignore the foul brand more than anything else, the Doctor shifted his attention back to the obscure scene he had seen on the Marauder's Map just over an hour ago. Unless his eyes fooled him, which was rare, then there was another Barty Crouch roaming around Hogwarts. And seeing as though he was currently in the body of Junior, could that mean that Crouch Senior was still alive out there?
Or maybe he was fooled. Maybe Senior's name only showed up because he was buried deep inside the Forbidden Forest, courtesy of his son. But he could've sworn that he'd seen the dot moving, making its way towards the edge of the Forest as though it were going to Hagrid's hut for a quick little jaunt.
Perhaps Senior had somehow survived, the Doctor pondered over as he lay on the bench. Maybe he had managed to hide himself from his son and escape. Then again, wouldn't he have gone to tell Dumbledore or some Ministry official that he was still around? Then there was the question of Junior once again. The Doctor couldn't help but wonder why he had swapped with him in particular. Was he picked out specifically, or was this the result of some magic spell gone wrong? And who would even do such a thing at that?
As the Dark Mark continued to itch and burn on his left forearm, the Doctor figured he could think of someone who might have tried to save his most faithful at the very last second—Lord Voldemort. But even as the thought crossed his mind, the Time Lord shook his head. There was no way Voldemort would have known about some alien from another universe, especially not when he was so focused on coming back to physical form and ultimately defeating his teenage rival in Harry Potter.
The Doctor's reverie was interrupted as he felt a cold breeze on the back of his neck. Sitting bolt upright, the Doctor found Peeves the Poltergeist floating next to him, blowing hard in his ear.
"What the—"
Peeves didn't give him time to finish his sentence as he procured a red water balloon from underneath his bell-topped cap and launched it right at the Doctor, soaking him in freezing cold water.
"PEEVES!" the Doctor shouted, trying to grab the poltergeist in anger.
The irksome trickster of Hogwarts was slippery, however, and was already bouncing through the bars, blowing raspberries at the Doctor. Just as the Time Lord became resigned and moved to sit back down, another icy water balloon struck on the back of his head, completely drenching him.
As the Doctor pushed back his sopping wet hair, muttering a few choice words under his breath about just what he would do if ever laid hands upon the poltergeist, he heard a light chuckle behind him right outside of the bars.
"I hope that you may pardon Peeves. He is quite the trickster, and I find he adds quite some joy here at times. No doubt you would have agreed with this at one point, as well, Bartemius."
As the Doctor turned around, there was no mistaking the crooked nose man with half-moon spectacles, long flowing white hair and beard, decked out in robes of deep purple.
"Albus Dumbledore," the Doctor said quietly, marching up to the bars and grasping hold of them.
"Yes, it is I. And if you don't mind me asking, how is it that you've managed to survive the Dementor's Kiss, Barty?" asked Dumbledore, his bright blue eyes twinkling in curiosity. While he said this calmly, there was also a slight edge to his voice, and the Doctor, again, had to remind himself of who he was now.
"Listen Dumbledore, I am not who you think I am."
"Who are you, then?" came a voice from behind Dumbledore. As the Headmaster stepped aside, Snape was revealed coming forward, sneering. "Because it certainly seems to me that you are none other than Barty Crouch Jr. and that you have caused a great deal of trouble here tonight, haven't you, Crouch?"
"If you're trying to intimidate me, it's not working," said the Doctor lightly. "But I stand by what I said. I am not Crouch. Although there is something involving him that you two may be interested in."
Snape leered at him. "You are in no position for leverage, Crouch. If you think for even a moment that we will fall for any of your tricks, why you'll be just as foolish as Potter and his little friends."
"Yeah, go ahead and bully Potter again. That's all you're good for, isn't Snape? Not letting go of a boyhood grudge?" said the Doctor, raising the bait.
"Why you insolent, little—"
"Severus, please," said Dumbledore, raising a hand to silence the Potions Master as his bright blue eyes continued to pierce through the Doctor. After a moment, he said, "He speaks the truth."
"What?" both Snape and the Doctor replied in shock.
"Think, Severus—if this really is young Crouch, then wouldn't he have already taken the chance to escape and not have gotten caught by us so easily?"
"Headmaster," Snape began. "Surely you do not believe him? If anything we are risking setting free a mad man. But if you are adamant, shouldn't we perhaps, use other means to make sure of it?"
Dumbledore frowned. "I suppose you have a point. Legilimency would help, but to invade the privacy of his mind—"
"Go ahead. I'm an open book. Well, as open as I can be," said the Doctor, raising his arms to show he meant no harm as he stepped away from the bars. "Course it would work better in my weakened human state anyways. But go on. Let's settle this already."
The Doctor focused, shelving back the points in his mind that could be harmful, and brought forth the gist of who he was as Dumbledore gazed at him imploringly. After a minute, the connection broke off and Dumbledore seemed to become instantly warmer as he turned to the Doctor.
"You're a highly skilled Occlumens for a non-magical being," he commented in admiration.
"Occlumens?" said the Doctor, raising an eyebrow curiously as he splayed his arms casually around the bars imprisoning him. "We call that the skills of a trained telepath where I come from."
"I do apologize for the case of mistaken identity, but it was quite a simple one to make after tonight's events, surely you do understand that."
"Of course," said the Doctor, now grinning. He couldn't believe that was having a legitimate conversation with Albus Dumbledore. Oh, if only Harry himself were here!
"But, if I may ask—"
"Doctor. I'm the Doctor."
"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. And this is my colleague, Professor Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin House and Potions Master here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Although you already seem to know quite a bit about us already," the Headmaster's eyes twinkled again. "If I may ask, how is it you came to be here?"
And so the Doctor told them what he could—he touched very lightly on who he was so Snape could be filled in on it—that he was a time-traveling alien Time Lord from another universe who appeared in the Defense Against the Dark Arts office just a couple hours ago, and his theories of a body swap having occurred. He was about to bring up the whole thing with seeing Crouch on the Marauder's Map, when he remembered Snape was there and how he would've loved to keep hold of Harry Potter's map of Hogwarts if he could.
"Interesting story as it may be, I fail to see how any of it holds up," said Snape. "An alien from another universe? Quite a thinly made-up lie if I've ever heard one before. And trust me, I've heard plenty. And if I may, that mark upon your forearm seems to be damning evidence contrary to what you have so kindly imparted upon us."
Snape's black eyes flitted down to the inky black Dark Mark tattooed on the Doctor's left forearm, clear as day to spot as the latter held onto the bars of his prison.
"What part of body swap do you not understand?" the Doctor chastised, feeling a sense of bitterness fogging his mind. 'Stupid volatile human emotions,' he thought, highly disgruntled at his constant fluctuations of attitude that he very much wasn't used to.
"If I may, Headmaster, perhaps Crouch here has suffered drastic damage from the dementor that has addled his mind. No doubt the Healers at St. Mungo's can attest to that after proper examination, if not for the fact that Azkaban is feeling quite starved to have their prisoner returned to them in due time," Snape went on, ignoring the Doctor.
"But Severus, didn't both you and Minerva attest that Crouch had received the Dementor's Kiss under the administration of Cornelius Fudge? Unless you are suggesting that Barty Crouch Jr. has somehow survived the Kiss with methods unknown to any witch or wizard before him, then I see no reason to doubt the Doctor's story," Dumbledore said calmly.
"And you'd think if I was lying that I would use some s-sort of spell to warm me u-up already?" supplied the Doctor, wrapping his arms around himself, shivering as the cold night air nipped at him.
"Quite right," said Dumbledore as he pulled out his own wand, tapped the bars to the cell and stepped back as they swung open to allow the Doctor out. "Perhaps we should better continue this conversation inside my office, Doctor."