A Hard Day's Night
When the clock struck midnight after that hellish evening at the hospital, officially making it Christmas Eve, Logan Evans was still lying wide awake in his bed. He punched his pillow in frustration and sat up, staring at the bedroom window overlooking the yard. Outside, gentle snowflakes had been falling for hours, promising a white Christmas. But the boy's gaze was drawn to the window itself, where Sam had helped him secure the infamous Christmas angel with a piece of string taped to the window earlier. Kicking off his covers, Logan wandered over to the window and touched the picture of Sara and Izzie's faces stitched to the angel's gown. "Keep Mama Q safe, okay, Mommy?" he whispered pleadingly in the pressing silence. Suddenly he spotted a pair of cab headlights glowing a little way from the garden gate and dashed for the stairs, much to the shock of his grandparents.
"What are you doing up, buddy?" Sam asked him, snapping off the television quickly. "It's way past your bedtime."
From beside his grandfather on the couch, Lil faced the eight-year-old with a sad smile; "I'm not really surprised he's up," she said. "Couldn't get to sleep, sweetie?"
"Nana's home, I saw the cab arrive," Logan said simply, rather than answering the question. He charged down the entrance hallway as a gust of cold air announced Marie's arrival. Sam and Lil found him wrapped tightly in her arms by the time they followed the energetic little boy towards the front door.
The grey streaks in Clay's mother's ginger hair seemed more prominent than before, even by the dim hallway light. "What are you doing awake at this hour, Wolverine?" she asked, pressing a firm kiss to the top of his head.
"I was thinking too much," he said softly. "I ended up worrying about Mom and Dad and the baby and just…everything, kind of. There was no place left for sleep, I guess."
He gave Marie a tight hug, even as Lil placed her hands gently on his shoulders; "How about a bedtime story, squirt?" she suggested. "Go get back in bed; we'll all meet you there in a few minutes."
"You promise?" he asked seriously. He stared after Marie as she ducked sideways into the kitchen, with a shaking hand pressed over her mouth. "Something bad happened, I can feel it."
"It's going to be okay, honey," Lil promised softly, nudging the little boy towards the staircase. "Sam, why don't you tuck him in? I'll find out what exactly is going on here."
"Alright," her husband nodded and pushed the protesting eight-year-old up the stairs ahead of him. "You heard your Grandma, champ, let's go!"
Once both Sam and her grandson were out of sight, Lil followed Marie into the kitchen. She found the exhausted redhead sitting at the breakfast table with her head in her hands and hesitantly took the seat opposite her. "I didn't mean to crack in front of the kid," she sniffed regretfully, already wiping her eyes furiously. Lil crossed over to the counter, ripped a paper towel from the kitchen roll, and handed it to her with a sympathetic grimace. "That boy is too smart for his own good. He already knows it's bad news, doesn't he?"
"He was there when Sam called," Lil pointed out with a sigh as she retook a seat. "What happened at the hospital?"
"Quinn lost the baby," Marie said faintly. "I only even came home because the nurse made me leave when visiting hours ended. Clay just…completely fell apart when the nurse took us to see Quinn; she was still unconscious when I left. Severe blood loss apparently," she explained miserably. "I tried to stay positive for him because that's what parents do, but…God, it was horrible!"
"Poor dears," Lil said softly. "Are you alright? I know how hard it is to watch your child suffer, let me tell you. Sara's older sister had cancer. She, um, she went into a coma a few days before Clay and Sara graduated college, actually."
"That's awful," Marie murmured compassionately, squeezing the older woman's hand gently. "Didn't Sara's ballet class have some sort of recital at the graduation ceremony? I remember being annoyed that Clay refused to sit with me much that day, considering his sister came over from England for the ceremony."
"That brings me to my next point," Lil smiled affectionately, despite the painful memories. "Your son has a terrible habit of undervaluing himself, always has. I wasn't even there for Sara's graduation, because doctors were trying a final surgery on Isabel at the time. I told Sam not to tell our little girl that her sister could die immediately, but he did for whatever reason," she sighed as if that part of the story still made no sense whatsoever to her. "He told her Izzie was dying before the biggest dance recital of her academic year, can you believe that?" Marie shook her head slowly, not sure how to respond to that, and Lil continued: "Honestly, there is only one reason Sara got through that dance even remotely emotionally stable," she said fervently. "Can you guess what that reason was?"
Marie's eyes widened in understanding as she wiped away the last traces of her tears; "I think I can," she said softly. "Clay never let Sara out of his sight for a minute that night, even when she was up on stage. Now I remember, it killed him to see her so broken."
"That's exactly my point," Lil carried on fondly. "Clay still beats himself up for walking away from Logan when fate completely sucked for them both," she stressed. "But it seems like he forgets the fact that when Sara was completely devastated, he was there for her every step of the way. That's why I have full faith that he'll get through this…and Quinn will too. They just need reminding how much they've already survived, don't you think?"
"I sure hope you're right," Marie sighed wearily, but one glance at Sara's mother told her the older woman had zoned out of the conversation. The level of sadness in her eyes reflected too many tragic losses for one lifetime. "We promised Logan a bedtime story," Marie reminded Lil quietly as they started up the stairs to the bedrooms above. But despite her distracted nod, Lil's mind was far away, imagining the events of that fateful day they had just discussed.
May 2008 – Ten Years Earlier
Samuel Kay scanned the crowd of proud parents and soon to be Duke University graduates swarming outside the campus auditorium, as he had been since arriving from Raleigh. "I still don't see Sara anywhere," he sighed into the cell phone pressed to his ear. "How's Izzie holding up?"
"Better than her mother, she's still down and out," Lil told him softly. She was sitting at their older daughter's bedside at Raleigh's local hospital, while Sam was attending Sara's graduation ceremony in Durham. "I don't think she's going to wake up this time, Sam," she said, a strangled sob muffling the gut-wrenching confession. "You know how these doctors like to talk all fancy, but my heart is telling me this is it."
"You can't think like that, love," he cut across her broken voice sharply. "She will wake up; she has to!" His gaze swept the packed campus grounds once more, and this time spotted his younger daughter waving at him from the entrance to the auditorium; "What do I tell Sara?" he asked carefully. "Didn't Izzie promise her she'd be here?"
"Cancer doesn't care much for promises," Lil pointed out dully. "Be careful…just wish her luck for now, okay? Don't tell her how bad it is just before her big show. That'll crush her!"
"You want me to lie?" he asked skeptically, slowing his pace so that this conversation would be over before he reached Sara. "Honey, I don't think that's such a great idea. She'll be suspicious you're not here for one thing," he pointed out.
"This ballet recital is a big deal, Sam," his wife snapped and then sighed apologetically. "She'll hate to mess it up if you upset her right now."
"We'll see what happens," he said abruptly. "I better go, our girl is getting jumpy here. I love you, okay? Hang in there," he finished softly and hung up after Lil said her reluctant goodbye.
"Finally," Sara squealed, launching into his arms as soon as Sam hung up the phone and plastered a quick smile on his face. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming, Daddy," she said mock-accusingly, eyeing him with the trademark twinkle in her hazel eyes.
"Are you kidding me, princess? Wouldn't have missed this for the world," he promised fondly, hugging her long and hard. "You look beautiful, how are the nerves?"
"All over the place," she laughed. "Miss July is a slave-driver, but I'm sure it'll be worth it if tonight goes well. Send my batch out with a bang, you know?"
"I do know," he nodded as her roommate and best friend Jessica Parker shuffled over to them, looking upset. "Hi Jess, is something the matter?"
"My parents couldn't make it from England for tonight," the slender brunette explained, trying unsuccessfully to look as though this fact didn't bother her. "Even Lily made it for crying out loud!"
Her British accent grew more pronounced in the frustrated agitation, and Sara squeezed her hand sympathetically. "Lily is Clay's sister," she explained to her father. "Jessie knows her and Clay's brother-in-law James really well."
"That's nice," Sam said absently, even as he felt a rush of relief. "So Clay's definitely around tonight?"
"Obviously, it's his graduation too," Sara pointed out distractedly, busy reassuring Jessica that she would be great in the dance later on. Finally, she fixed her father with a curious stare; "Speaking of absent parents, where's Mom anyway?" she asked.
"She can't make it," he said slowly, the moment of truth was inevitable. "Actually…there's something I need to tell you, princess. It's, uh…it's about Izzie."
"I can't imagine it," Marie said fervently, jerking Lil out of her miserable reverie just in front of Logan's bedroom door. "Losing one of my kids, I mean…let alone both. You are so incredibly brave."
"I wonder about that sometimes," Lil murmured sadly. "Hey, losing a husband is no walk in the park either; you've had your share of hardship. I would have been lost without Sam through the fate of our girls. God, I didn't mean to get so morbid on you…it was so long ago."
"Sara's been gone less than ten years, it's perfectly understandable," the redhead assured her. "You know that habit Clay and Sara had of doing things on the count of two? He gets that from his father," she confessed. "My husband believed that the conventional count of three, leading up to doing anything was too long. Particularly in unpleasant situations, counting to two got whatever it was over and done with sooner."
"That makes sense in a weirdly philosophical kind of way," Lil smiled. "Sara always loved that little quirk. I really hope Clay is hanging in there, hospitals are awfully depressing places."
"Tell me about it," Marie sighed, as the cell phone tucked in her pocket began to vibrate violently, as if on cue. "I guess we'll find out now, that's him," she said quickly and answered the call as Lil entered Logan's bedroom. "Hi honey," she said softly; "How are you doing?"
"Not great," he murmured, and she could tell it was an understatement just from the hoarse tone of his voice. "I just…I need Quinn to wake up, like right now!"
"She needs the rest, sweetie," Marie pointed out gently. "She's going to wake up, you hear me? But if you don't get some sleep soon, you won't be able to help her when she does."
"I don't think sleep is even possible," he sighed heavily. "It's stupid, but I still can't really breathe right…just, you know, seeing Quinn like this is so…I don't even know what."
"Scary?" his mother supplied sympathetically. "I know it is, baby, but just remember what I told you. She's not Sara, and she's going to be just fine as soon as that drip replenishes her lost blood."
"How's Logan?" he asked, changing the subject to avoid dwelling on his desperate fears.
"In bed at last," Marie told him. "He's anxious, obviously. Should we tell him what happened so you won't have to?" She leaned against Logan's closed bedroom door as she spoke, just able to make out Sam and Lil's hushed voices on the other side.
"You decide," Clay sighed absently, and she understood just what he wasn't saying. The idea of telling Logan about there being no more baby would make the whole thing too hellishly real to bear. "Give him a big kiss for me, okay?"
"Consider it done," she promised. "Don't worry about Logan right now, alright? Just promise me you'll at least try and get some rest," she finished pleadingly.
"I'll try," he said reluctantly. "Thanks, Mom, you're the best. Love you."
"I love you more, kid," she said fervently. "See you sometime tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah," he breathed in that miserably raspy tone again, and then the line went dead. With Clay's sadness weighing heavily on her mind, Marie carefully cracked Logan's bedroom door open and stepped into the dark chamber. With the nightlight illuminating his peaceful features, the little boy was fast asleep at long last. Lil was standing by the foot of the bed and glanced questioningly at her, but Marie had eyes only for Sam. Sitting on the edge of Logan's mattress, the old man's hand was trapped in the eight-year-old's grip, even in his deep sleep.
Marie crossed over to the window overlooking the snow-covered yard and stared at the Christmas angel, fastened to the glass. "Now I understand the dilemma you faced when it came to telling Sara how sick her sister was," she said compassionately.
"What do you mean?" Lil asked softly, joining her in front of the customized figurine and taking in every detail of Sara and Isabel's happy faces.
"I thought it would help Clay if we talked to Logan about the miscarriage before he brings Quinn home, you know?" Marie explained. She glanced at Logan, who had rolled over in his sleep, finally allowing Sam to move again. "But whatever we do, Christmas is ruined for the poor kid. It's just so unfair," she sighed.
In the room where Quinn lay recuperating at Raleigh's local hospital, there was deafening silence once Clay hung up on his mother. The steady beep of the machine monitoring her heartbeat was somehow simultaneously rhythmic and yet unnerving, the only sound steadily penetrating his dark thoughts. He lifted her motionless hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to her palm; "You need to wake up, Q. I mean it! I can't bear to get lost again, you hear?" He stared, unblinkingly, at the blood trickling slowly through her IV line for a moment; "More than lost, really," he continued. "Doomed is the word…just open those pretty eyes, okay? Please." The final word slipped out as nothing more than a pained hiss of desperation. But despite the lump swelling in his throat and making it even harder to breathe, Clay couldn't cry. "Till kingdom come," he gasped as his eyes began to burn fiercely again. "You promised."
A / N Well damn, this story is getting more painful at every turn. Enjoy the feels everyone xx