Chapter 21

Rory stood in front of her bathroom mirror, putting finishing touches on her makeup. Nothing much - just a hint of blush and some mascara, keeping in mind that tonight wasn't going to be very fancy. She'd already taken extra care at picking out some nice mesh-accented underwear for tonight, expecting things to go at least equally well as they had last night.

But every now and again she kept glancing down at her phone, expecting an update from Logan about tonight. They hadn't seen each other the whole day, but Rory had almost assumed that like usually - their time was 8. "Ivy tonight? I'll send the car at 8?" Rory could still remember his voice saying, like he had dozens of times during their time in London. Their farewell meal had been a sweet tradition, a bittersweet one at the same time, yet savored each time, nearly making them for a moment forget their 'complicated'.

But so far, Rory hadn't gotten an update from Logan on the details of tonight's outing. Rory added a dash of perfume, knowing it was the same scent Logan had once gifted her during her last year of college.

She certainly wasn't going to sit around waiting for him, not needing to be this girl who needed to be picked up at her door like going out to school prom. She half expected him to have gotten caught up on come stupid conference call, and she really wasn't going to hold it against him if he had work to do. That part had always worked between them - they both know how whatever their career ambitions had been at the time they'd needed their full attention. They'd never felt like they needed to compete for attention with the other's work. It helped that both were very good at making good use of the time they spent waiting for the other to be done, Rory usually finding comfort in a book and Logan on his laptop.

She cast one last look in the full-length mirror on the door and made her exit, hopping down the stairs to the main floor and from there to the wrap-around porch and down the stairs towards the pool house with bounce in her step, unable to help herself.

Rory was going into this evening with a blissful hopefulness, knowing she didn't need a lot for those short-term hopes to be met. Just spending time with him was enough. That was what she tried to focus on, and not think more than two weeks in the future.

She knocked politely on Logan's gridded door which reminded her a lot of the pool house at her grandparents' old house, not wanting to barge right in in case he was on something important.

The look on Logan, who pushed the curtain aside half a minute later, wasn't the kind she'd been expecting. He looked distracted, confused even… and as he opened the door, she realized from the scent of booze, he'd been drinking too. And not just a little.

"Rory," Logan exhaled, trying to put up his best act as if meeting Rory hadn't slipped his mind.

"We still going out?" Rory asked tentatively, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. She was wearing a tiered flowery skirt and a simple linen knit, looking cute and innocent.

"Um, yeah. Just give me a sec," Logan said, opening the door for her whilst excusing himself to step into the bathroom for a minute. What Rory didn't know, he was mostly doing that in order to run some cold water over his face, and at the same time try to wash away some of the embarrassment that he felt at that moment.

Rory looked around the living room space Logan had been using as his office. And while indeed, his usual set up was there on the coffee table - his laptop, his favorite computer mouse, he'd preferred through at least a decade ignoring the most recent trends, and his bottle of Perrier. But right now, on top of that, there also stood a scotch glass and a half-empty bottle of Starward Single Malt. Surely, it was possible that had been there for days - or possibly Logan had just brought it in from having a drink with Finn by the pool some night, but Rory got the sense that this wasn't as casual. If anything, she was overcome by a suspicion that she should be concerned. For what, she was yet to understand.

"Alright. Sorry about that. Let's go," Logan suggested as he emerged, having tidied himself up a little. But he still seemed a little all over the place.

"Alright," Rory reflected, following him out of the pool house.

"Um, I almost forgot. We should probably get an Uber," Logan said, beginning to search for his phone, which it took him a moment, having not realized which pocket he'd put it in in haste.

"I mean I could drive?" Rory offered, not wanting to scold him for having a drink. It was not like he wasn't allowed to hit one back to help him relax or maybe to celebrate a business win, whatever it was - he was a grown man, and despite him having perhaps losing the track of time

"Ah, right. Sure. If you want," Logan said, again looking through his pockets for the key fob.

"I don't mind," Rory offered. Surely, she didn't need to drink every night, and besides - tonight maybe staying sober to look out for Logan, whatever it was that was going on with him, was not such a bad idea.

"Okay then," Logan said. He didn't need to actually use the key to open the car as it opened on its own, and even the fact that he'd just been so desperately searching for them, as if out of instinct of something he was used to doing with his older cars, was evidence of how out of shape he was.

Rory had never driven the car in question; hence it took her a little to figure things out. And for those moments when Rory did that, Logan actually managed to stay quite lucid to be helpful.

"So, where to?" Rory asked, assuming he had a plan. Logan always had a plan or three up his sleeve.

At this moment Logan failed to fake it. He had no plan.

"I'm…," Logan began to apologize.

"I mean I don't need anything fancy. There were a couple of places over by the Central. Or I don't know - we can make a picnic out of it. Get something from the supermarket or something?" Rory suggested, trying to make it sound like it was no big deal. Technically it wasn't, but she was just caught off guard by how unlike him Logan was right now.

"Yeah, the Central is fine," Logan said.

"You, okay?" Rory asked, continuing to drive. The driving and the orienteering, knowing half the streets around here were one-way streets took half the effort.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just lost track of time and didn't have enough time to plan," Logan said, apologetically.

"That's fine," Rory said, not wanting to be too hard on him.

Rory focused on driving again, it taking her some effort to remind herself to stick to the correct side, and in less than five minutes she'd managed parking just off the main street by Paddington Central.

After they got out of the car, and decided amongst themselves to try the terrace grill that the locals seemed to like, Logan slipped his hand into hers. That made Rory smile, hoping his focus was back on her now.

"So, how was your day?" Logan asked, as they walked into the restaurant and asked to be seated.

"Oh, you know…," Rory began, going into explaining how Gigi's wedding, whilst beachy and relaxed was apparently still orchestrated like a fine-tuned symphony. It was going to be a big wedding, but Rory really hadn't been terribly into going over every single detail.

"So, what did you do today?" Rory asked Logan, sometime after they'd given their food order.

"Mostly work," Logan said, not wanting to ruin whatever was left of this evening for the two of them. Bringing up Odette - in any capacity - didn't exactly seem like the way to keep things romantic.

"I thought so," Rory said.

And for a while their discussion shifted onto casual things. But Rory just couldn't shake the feeling like it was her doing most of the talking.

"So, what do you think?" Rory asked, after talking about one of the local islands Gigi had recommended, she find time to visit.

"Um, uh-huh," Logan replied, sounding distracted and only barely engaged. He really wasn't very good company right now, especially not for his chance to do this right with Rory.

"What's going on, Logan? You don't sound like yourself?" Rory asked with concern, putting down her utensils after she'd finished her grilled Mooloolaba prawn salad.

"Yeah, I know. I know I'm not. I'm sorry," Logan said.

"What happened today?" Rory inquired.

"I, um…," Logan inhaled sharply and sighed. "I talked to Odette today," he confessed.

"Oh," Rory said, in part disappointedly, in part worriedly.

Logan hadn't wanted to tell Rory right away how he'd called to break things off with Odette, so Rory wouldn't overreact. He didn't need her feeling the pressure of success for the two of them, nor telling him not to do it because she was scared. But he had to tell her something.

"We just talked about things and I'll admit, it was a rough call to make. She's not doing so great," Logan admitted, having listened to Odette sob for the better part of an hour on the phone to him.

Even if this had never been the romantic kind of love, it was still love of the partnership, friendship, love of the life they'd built and planned. Giving up a scenario of how things worked out in an acceptable way that would enable them to find some happiness in life that was far from perfect.

"I'm sorry," Rory said, politely, not really knowing what else to say. Clearly this had affected Logan enough to lead him to day drinking.

"She mostly claims it's all about the child we were supposed to have. But I know it's more than that. It's rough on her having to admit to her family and friends that we're no longer together. That this life we've had planned out…," Logan continued to explain, getting a small lump in his throat as well. "It's just…," he added, trying to think of how else to explain it.

"Wait - had?" Rory asked.

"It just wasn't fair to her to keep her thinking there was a scenario in which I was willing to go back to that life. And please, I don't want you to panic. I just don't want a life that's not genuine anymore. You just made me see it. Even if…," Logan added, wanting to say that if for some reason they didn't work out, he would just rather be alone. Maybe he'd get a surrogate himself, or adopt - if that was what he ended up having to do.

"Oh, wow," Rory exclaimed, needing to take a few deep breaths. Not panicking was more easily said than done. But she couldn't deny that besides the rising panic and disbelief there was also a warm glow in the bottom of her stomach that radiated through her entire body, making her feel all giddy. He was hers. All hers.

Logan reached over the table to hold Rory's hand.

"And I'm sorry. It was a little rough on me and I needed a drink; I just lost track of time. I felt bad for doing this to her. She didn't deserve it, she's hurting and I caused it by waiting this long by not speaking up," Logan elaborated.

"What about the baby?" Rory asked. The fact that Logan had been sounding so determined to want to become a father had really shown another side of him. She just wasn't sure if she was willing to be responsible for him letting go of that dream just yet, especially if they ended up not working out. She had every right to doubt them - after all experience said they weren't terribly good at this - the communication at least.

"I told her, she should still have the baby. I mean, not with my sperm obviously. That she'd be a great mom even if she was a single mom. It's not like she doesn't have a support network, help," Logan said, trying to think of this rationally.

"What about you?" Rory asked.

Logan shrugged his shoulders trying to make it look like he was more indifferent to this than he really was. Part of his drinking had been about this - he was not daring to hope Rory would ever consider having another baby, truth be told. They were too fresh for him to even consider something like this, even discussing it. But his drunken state, made his poker face less believable.

Rory gave him a skeptical look.

"It's not like there was any guarantee it was going to be mine anyway," Logan added.

"What? What do you mean?" Rory inquired.

"Um… not what I was hoping to be talking about tonight," Logan said, avoidantly.

Rory shrugged. "I mean, you can… and I want to understand," Rory said.

"There was a small chance that we're not genetically compatible. I mean, it's not like this is the first time we've tried, you know?" Logan admitted to something much bigger in the background. "She's never gotten pregnant by me, so we were going to use a few different donors and not test for paternity. Let it be a mystery as far as it wasn't absolutely necessary. Who knows maybe I'm not meant to be a father in the traditional sense in the first place? Maybe it's not even possible?" Logan explained.

This hit a cord with Rory because she knew Logan definitely wasn't infertile. He had gotten her pregnant once. It was just that she'd neglected to tell him about the unfortunate situation at the time. But how could she possibly live with herself if she didn't tell him now?

"Logan, I need to tell you something…," Rory said, her whole face having gone all pale, fearing what he might say.