Your cruel device
Your blood, like ice
One look, could kill
My pain, your thrill
I wanna love you but I better not touch (don't touch)
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much (too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison, running through my veins
You're poison
I don't want to break these chains
- Poison by Alice Cooper
(I've wanted to include the song for a long time.)

After a week of continuous work and many magic potions against tiredness, I apparated to the cottage by the sea via detours. I hadn't set foot in it since my last meeting with Severus, but despite my exhaustion, I was looking forward to the moment of holding him in my arms again. He had sent me his Patronus. Unaccustomed to me, the doe spoke in his deep, sonorous voice and not in Lily's bright voice, as I knew it from the last war. He asked me for a secret meeting at our old meeting place.

And yet I have used the past few days to think about how I should let Severus in on Harry's planned fate or whether it would be easier for him to carry out his orders without the knowledge of it, just as Dumbledore had wished and what I had sworn to him.

It was hard to make a clear decision, but I knew that if the principal didn't let him in in the next few weeks, it would be my job to do so. I couldn't let Severus be in danger without knowing the full truth.

When I opened the door with the tap of my wand, Tibi was already cooing towards me, who had already made himself comfortable with a treat on a bird perch. I wondered if he knew where he was going to find me before I did. I greeted him in a friendly way, so that he let go of his meal and let himself be stroked briefly.

"You missed Severus too, didn't you?" I asked the little bird. "He tries to spend as much time with me and you as possible, but because of his positions at Hogwarts, Dumbledore, and... It's almost impossible for him." My voice was quiet and I could clearly hear the sad undertone within me.

"It's good that you protect me from this suspicious animal," said a voice behind me that was all too familiar to me, suddenly, so I turned around abruptly and wrapped him in my arms, which he immediately responded with a firm grip. I knew that all of Severus' tasks were taking their toll. Because especially with Dumbledore's absence, Severus felt indirectly responsible for the safety of the school. And Harry. I knew I had no right to blame him for that, I was so glad we had found each other again at all. Therefore, the evenings of the weekends had become particularly valuable. He seemed all the more uncomfortable when he let me in on his new plans during our dinner.

"The next few Saturdays I won't be able to see you until night. They're filled with Potter's detentions." His eyes avoided mine as he picked at the mashed potatoes he had conjured up from Hogwarts. He tried to dine with me after school lunches, in which he officially attended but ate little, unless he was attending meetings with the Death Eaters or we were both attending the Order. It was a tightrope act.

"What has Harry done again?" I asked, chewing, because the house elves' meal was just too delicious.

"Potter found my old potions schoolbook. It must have still been in the classroom. It was filled with my notes," he replied before beans went into his mouth and I choked down my chunks with giggles.

"Oh. That means he's learned something from you all school year," I giggled, so that the corners of Severus' mouth shifted upwards into a grin in an unusual way.

"Yes, if you want to look at it that way, I guess I taught him something," he replied, shaking his head.

"How do you know?" I asked, reaching for the glass of water.

"He cast a spell that I invented. Against the young Malfoy," he whispered now, but I understood every word as if he had screamed it, his face showed remorse.

"Which one?" I asked, my throat still dry.

"Sectumsempra" His gaze now settled on the floor. I slapped my hand in front of my panting mouth, my eyes widened. How could Harry do such a thing?

"Don't worry, I was able to treat Malfoy in time and take him to Poppy in the hospital wing. With a bit of luck, he won't even be left with scars. And Potter gets detention for the rest of the school year," Severus said and I saw how hatred flared up in his eyes - whether against Harry or himself I couldn't interpret, but I continued to look at him in shock, I knew what consequences this spell could have, because the spell had proven that only too impressively in our school days.

"Yes, I regret having developed it," Severus said in a low voice, still looking away from me so that his hair fell into his pale forehead. We were silent for a moment, and I took his hand, which was now next to his cutlery, and squeezed it lovingly.

"It's in the past, Severus," I said softly, so his black eyes found mine. "But where is your school book now?"

"Still with him. But I saw in his mind that he won't use it anymore. He hid it somewhere. That was enough for me." His voice was serious, but I could hear a hint of relief.

"You didn't press him any further?" I asked, unsure if he could finally see the boy as a person in his own right, independent of his father James.

"No, he first claimed that he had found the spell in a library book, which was impossible, and then I read his mind. After all, he took the care to present me with Ronald Weasley's book. At least he was trying to be clever." He grimaced so that I had to laugh out loud.

"Yes, he's real-" I began, laughing, but Severus interrupted me.

"like his father," Severus said angrily and we grinned at each other. This impartiality was visibly lacking for both of us.

"And what do you have planned for his detention?" At the thought of it, an insidious grin played around his mouth.

"Well, Filch was looking for someone to fix the lists of other mischief makers at Hogwarts and their punishments. He will come across some well-known names in it. Oh, he will read their great deeds in black and white." Immediately I thought of the many occasions on which Sirius and James, but also Remus and Peter, had incurred punishment work.

"But Harry doesn't sit with you all Saturdays, does he?" I asked, feeling a blush creep into my cheeks.

"Only the mornings," Severus replied and looked at me penetratingly in search of what I wanted to achieve with my question.

"Very good. I immediately expect your presence with me in... of an urgent matter," I said mischievously, reaching across the table for his collar to pull him towards me.

"So?" He raised an eyebrow meaningfully, which I found so incredibly attractive that I immediately felt heat in my lap.

"Yes, Professor. I have questions that urgently need an answer," I breathed at him.

"And what are those questions?" he asked in a throaty voice that was trying to drive me crazy.

"Well, I would call then very intimate," I whispered now, and with a wave of my wand, the food disappeared on the small kitchen table made of wood. Severus rose in no time at all and with me before I had fully stood up. He put one hand on my hip, the other gently ran over my neck, brushing my collarbones and already my skin was shaking under his touch.

"Mh, I'll try to answer all of them to your satisfaction," he breathed softly into my ear, so that the meaning of his words echoed softly in me, and I shuddered with anticipation as he pushed me against the wall.

Severus ran his hand down the zipper of my dress. So slowly, in fact, that I became more aroused with every millimetre my skin was exposed (…)

His whole body twitched with craving against mine.

Four days later, Severus unexpectedly appears at my St. Mungo's for my night vision, which was surprisingly quiet that evening. He looked infinitely pale as he appeared in a hospital room with a desperate expression, his hair was swirled wildly, as if he had often run his hand through his hair. When I looked into his eyes, I swallowed as I realized that he must have learned the truth.

"Room 1, fourth floor, in the Janus Thickey Ward," I whispered to him, watching him nod wordlessly before turning my attention to my puzzled-looking but incessantly giggling patient. When I had given the witch a counter-potion for her constant giggling because of the overdose of a stimulant potion, I wrote a petition on a parchment, which I quickly tied around the owl in the staff room before following Severus. I knew this was the only place where we could talk undisturbed quickly at that nighttime.

Quietly I opened the door, where the snoring breathing sounds of Alice and Frank Longbottom were interrupted by the footsteps of a tall figure pacing up and down in the darkness.

"Severus..." I whispered and grabbed his arm so that he flinched abruptly and stopped, his eyes wide open, which I could see despite the gloom around us. My breath hitched.

"He wants to lead him to the slaughter like a pig, Catherine." His voice was just a hiss, but it echoed through my whole mind. I tried to hold Severus as he slumped to the ground. I knelt next to him, my hands gripping his shoulders and I felt his body quiver with excitement.

"What happened?" I gasped in his ear, feeling the darkness want to take over him completely. I saw it as a veil wrapping around his body. But I knew I was going to cut through it and free him from the darkness.

"Harry Potter must be killed by the Dark Lord. And I thought all these years that we were protecting him for Lily. All these years we have both sacrificed too, Catherine. Dumbledore was just using me." I held him tighter, he suddenly seemed so fragile in my arms. I sensed that he was questioning all his work of the last few years. His whole existence.

"How does Dumbledore come to that conclusion?" I asked. There was a tremendous rage raging in my body. Why wasn't I allowed to teach this information to Severus gently? Why did Dumbledore have to offend him like that?

"I have to tell the boy if the Dark Lord fears for his serpent Nagini. I have to tell him that on the night Lily sacrificed herself and the killing curse bounced back on the Dark Lord, a fragment of his soul passed into the boy. That's why he speaks Parseltongue, that's why he shares this connection with the Dark Lord. That means the Dark Lord can't die if any part of his soul exists in Potter," he whispered as my eyes filled with tears, the tears I'd been holding back all this time since my own conversation with Dumbledore.

"So, Harry has to die," I concluded.

Severus nodded briefly, without looking at my face and acknowledging that I was guilty of complicity. "I've been spying for Dumbledore, lying, putting my life in danger, jeopardizing our relationship, even putting your life in danger, and he's just..." Severus said, his voice cracking and tears in his eyes. He threw his head desperately at my chest. I held him tightly to me as my lime cloak was drenched in his hot tears, which were so rare that I could count them on one hand after all these years.

"I can't breathe. I... What happens to me?" His voice sounded feeble, trembling. I hugged him even tighter, gently stroking his black hair, which fell into his face as he gasped and breathed heavily.

"Try to calm down, Severus. I am with you. You're not alone. You'll never be alone again," I whispered to his pale face.

"I can... not."

" It's ok, I'm here. With you. Severus, you're staying with me tonight! You need sleep," I said softly, feeling him slowly regain contour. He wanted to open his mouth to protest, but no sound escaped his mouth. He looked me in the eye and nodded briefly. He knew that he could only sleep in my arms after such a conversation with Dumbledore.

And as longed for at that moment, the door to the hospital room opened quietly, I recognized the outline of Asklepios Sharp in the doorway, squinting his eyes to fight against the darkness in the room, while Severus abruptly moved away from me and looked at me in surprise, but I had already put a disillusionment over Severus.

"Catherine?" whispered Asklepios softly into the room.

"Thank you for being here. I need your help. There was an emergency that I had to attend.", I whispered and rose, motioning to Severus to do the same, who now looked at his transparent hands in astonishment before the corners of his mouth twitched, which only I thought I could make out in the twilight.

"I'll take care of this shift for you. But take care of you, Catherine!" said Sharp, before closing the door almost silently and disappearing, leaving us alone with the steady breathing sounds of the Longbottoms.

"Sharp doesn't ask why? He just does what you tell him to do?" Severus asked in a hollow voice.

"Asklepios trusts me as I trust him," I said quietly, trying to guess his facial expressions, but I didn't succeed.

"He loves you," Severus stated, a hint of jealousy in his voice, but also appreciation. It was strange to just hear Severus, not to see him.

"He does," I replied softly before we fell into silence. Severus knew that Askelpios could never fill my heart the way he did. And yet I narrowed my eyes, trying to catch a glimpse of Severud, to calm him down, while a long grunt from Frank startled me. I saw something moving. It was as if Severus was looking around.

"Alice and Frank Longbottom," Severus gasped almost silently before I meant he shook his head.

"Yes. Two victims whose fate we will avenge. Together," I whispered, grabbing his wrist. He looked at me with his bottomless eyes before a slight smile played around his mouth.

"Together," he whispered, nodding.

We left the St. Mungo, Severus completely unseen before arriving at the cottage by the sea. The weather was slowly getting warmer, but the cool breeze of the sea was unbroken.

I put Severus to bed and gave him some of my stash of calming draught. Gently I stroked his tired figure, so that he quickly breathed deeply. As I lay down next to Severus' warm body, I thought for a long time and enjoyed the closeness to my lover. I had found a solution so that Harry's own soul could be preserved. That all he has to do is sacrifice the soul piece that belonged to Voldemort. And I would let Severus in, together we would find a plan to make it happen.

And when Severus opened his eyes early in the morning, I was still lying awake because my mind was racing. Severus frowned at me.

"I know that expression. You've figured something out," his deep voice stated, a hint of hope sprouting in it. And when I turned my gaze to him, his black eyes sparkled as he rested his head on his hand, so that his torso and attention were completely focused on me.

"Yes, I knew the information about Harry before you, Severus," I began, but the hiss from his pressed lips made me falter.

"You knew? Why... How?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with anger instead of appreciation, but it didn't stop me from telling him the truth he deserved. That must have made us different from each other, because Severus had tried to deceive me. With good intentions to protect me, he denied our love for each other, and yet it was something I would never have been able to do. At the same time, I knew what strength it had cost him to suppress our needs in order to seemingly ensure my survival with this lie.

"Dumbledore made me swear a few weeks ago that I wouldn't tell you. He wanted to do this at the right time. But for the promise of my silence, I have been given an chance," I began again. "A possibility for Harry's survival."

Severus let me tell his story and we used the few minutes he had left before he had to attend breakfast at Hogwarts.

"It will increase the risk that we might fail...", I told him after explaining my idea.

"This is unavoidable. We should get more information on this," he said, his graceful index finger running thoughtfully over his lips.

"Look around, Severus. This room resembles a library of black magic. I read all the books that you have given me in recent years at my request from your old collection or that you have borrowed from the library at Hogwarts. Nowhere do I find anything about a Horcurx in a living being, especially not by wizards or witches who have produced more than one." I sighed loudly.

"Then fuck it," he said suddenly, which took my breath away and made my forehead furrow. "I will not allow any more victims to arise. If the boy has to die for it..."

"It's the only way he has a chance of survival," I replied seriously.

"Then we should face the danger," Severus said, his eyes sparkling aggressively at the thought. "I didn't sacrifice all these years to see him die, no matter how little I appreciate him, he's Lily's son."

"And the task he has to face is incredible. I don't know if I'm even close to that at his age-"

"You've fought other demons, Catherine. And much more successfully than I was able to do at the time. You are incredibly strong!" Severus said softly, leaning over and kissing my forehead lovingly. I felt the blood rush through my veins, making my cheeks blush. Our inglorious childhood had always weighed heavily on us. Each of us has had our own demons that we will have to face sooner or later.

"Thank you, Severus. But you have to be careful so that your demon doesn't see through your true plans. And the two of us should keep our contact limited, especially when Dumbledore..." I began, but I couldn't continue. It was another task that weighed on Severus' soul. "It will make your task easier..."

He looked at me thoughtfully again before shaking his head slightly.

"No. I know it's dangerous, but I had to see you. I can't stand it without you. You ensure my mental survival." He grabbed my hand, bringing it to his thin lips before placing a soft kiss on it. "Maybe I'm too selfish, but I can't lose you again..."

"Severus, I feel the same way. But I'm afraid I'll put you in danger if we meet," I replied, shaking my head, understanding him better than ever at that moment.

Severus literally fell into my arms and clung to my body like a drowning man, but he was silent.

Do we want to increase our risk? My mind was trying to get the upper hand. After all, I wanted more, much more time with him, more years or decades alone with him, without a task, without paying off debts, just the two of us and our love for each other. Was that too much? What if I wasted the little time we had left? What if our hours were numbered? Shouldn't we spend it together? My heart decided this thought game for itself again.

"Then let's use the time we have, Severus. We'll see what the next time brings," I said with an encouraging smile. "And until then, fuck it!"

He grinned lightly at me. I usually used such words as little as he did. He sensed how serious I was and kissed me deeply before leaving.

And then everything happened very fast, too fast.

Only a few weeks later, in the middle of the late evening, a silver figure of light rushed into the small cottage by the sea. It was a wolf I saw and I knew I was the only person to whom Remus sent a formable Patronus, in front of me he was no longer ashamed of his existence as a werewolf.

"Death Eaters attack Hogwarts. We need help." The Patronus fizzled out as quickly as it had come. My heart was pounding in my throat before I could think through my next steps. Should I go to Hogwarts? Severus had asked me to stay out of battles he was involved in. And he was right that I was too much of a distraction for him, no matter what task he had to do. I thought back to Gideon, who had explained to his brother Fabian and me that he would be worse at fighting if he had to worry about both of us. His death brought tears to my eyes again before I could make a decision. I decided to apparate to St. Mungo's, because if there were a lot of seriously injured people, Poppy was certainly overloaded in the hospital wing of Hogwarts and I knew this was my battlefield.

And I waited in vain for the injured, while my feet were literally sore with nervousness in the staff room.

Until, suddenly, Remus stood in front of me, silent. Paler than ever. He had no visible injuries, but a look at his face told me that the wounds were of a psychological nature. I shuddered at the sight of him.

"What happened?"; I asked quietly.

"Can we talk undisturbed?" he asked in a toneless voice.

I nodded and together we apparated in a roundabout way to my apartment on the outskirts of London.

"I wanted to tell you before you find out from anyone else," he began, wrestling with words and hands as we sat next to each other on the small couch where we had already wept such bad things.

"What happened?" I asked, hearing my own voice tremble.

"It's about Snape," he replied with a strange look on his face, sounding strangely suspicious as the blood in my veins froze to ice. I was afraid of his further words. What if something had happened to Severus? If he...I swallowed audibly and felt my heart seem to stop for a moment as a strong nausea wanted to rise in me.

"What about Severus?" I felt my eyes moist as Remus grabbed my hands.

"He killed Dumbledore. He's not on our side. He serves... Lord Voldemort," Remus explained in a faltering voice. I fell into his arms, panting, feeling tears of relief creep down my cheeks, which Remus interpreted differently. As disappointment, anger... Desperation.

"I'm sorry, he deceived us all... You don't have to feel guilty... Even Dumbledore trusted him," he whispered soothingly on my moist cheeks, while everything in me screamed with injustice - Severus would forever be blamed for Dumbledore's death, after the fall of Voldemort his fate would be Azkaban. So that was the ingenious plan of the great Albus Dumbledore. He had laid a cruel fate in the future for his most loyal and courageous follower. There would be no escape, no future together in serenity.

My tears were the despair and anger that Remus had seen from the beginning. He hugged me tightly, stroking my hair in a familiar gesture before giving me a gentle kiss on my hairline.

"I'm here for you, Catherine. Snape will pay for what he did to you and others. He's going to go down with his master," he said soothingly, before slowly telling me what exactly had happened at Hogwarts. Of the Death Eaters that Draco Malfoy had infiltrated through a vanishing cabinet. From Severus rushing up the astronomy tower to Dumbledore and Harry, seemingly on the side of the Order. Of the killing curse that passed his lips, the escape of the half-blood prince, who had invented gruesome spells since our school days and had seemingly always embodied pure evil.

Remus spoke of the despair into which Dumbledore's death had now plunged everyone and of Bill Weasley, who had suffered a severe bite to the face from Fenrir Greyback, but would only take on wolfish traits because Greyback had not struck in transformation. And finally, he told me what Tonks said at Bill´s bedside. From Fleur's example of sticking by Bill in spite of everything and marrying him, Remus can see that an existence as a werewolf does not stand in the way of a love relationship.

I freed myself from his tight grip and looked into his sad eyes.

"She's right, Remus. You should finally realize it, too.", I said in a cracked voice.

"How can Tonks compare my existence as a werewolf to a few scars and a few wolfish traits of Bill?" he asked, shaking his head.

"I honestly still don't see the problem, Remus. She knows you and has been fighting for a year for you to finally understand that she loves you and always will," I cried out with restrained anger in my voice. He had the chance to live a normal life with the person he loves and just threw the chance away. Not like Severus and me.

"Catherine, you're like James and Sirius. I'm cursed, damaged. I can't bond with anyone. Everything about me is... sick. I am... wrong." He looked at me with sadness and disappointment. I sighed, because I have already heard these words from the mouth of the other man who means my life.

"Remus, how do you really feel about her?" I asked him seriously.

"She means everything to me."

"If that's the case and she feels the same way about you, then enjoy your time while you still have it! Times are dark, no one knows what will happen. Stop worrying about such things and live at last, Remus! The wolf in you has ruled you for far too long, restricted you for too long. If she loves you and doesn't care, kiss her, love her, be with her! Do whatever you feel like doing!" He was silent and looked at me thoughtfully.

"I don't know if I can," he whispered in a hoarse voice.

"Then finally become aware of it! And if you really can't, then it's not love. Then it's fear of it. What's holding you back anyway?" I looked at him challengingly.

"Do you still love him? Snape?" he asked suddenly, out of context for me, and I bit my lower lip in surprise. His gaze was piercing, and I knew I couldn't lie to him. He knew me too well for that.

"Yes. I love him and always will," I said truthfully, avoiding his gaze.

"After everything he's done?" Remus snapped and I heard his incomprehension clearly, even though I kept my eyes scorched so I wouldn't have to read it in his face. So, I just nodded, which must be Remus's answer enough. Remus sighed and was silent.

"If this man is so lucky, then maybe I deserve to be loved like him," Remus said thoughtfully after a while, so that I looked up. His gaze was fixed on the window, where the first rays of the summer morning were filtering through the glass.

"That's what I want to tell you all the time, Remus. You deserve Tonks and happiness with her. As who you are," I replied, watching his body tense before bringing his gaze back to me.

"Then it's supposed to be, isn't it?" he asked, still uncertain about his decision. "You want me to choose her."

"Go to her, Remus! You said she means everything to you," I said, trying to smile. At least my best friend should be able to enjoy the happiness of untroubled love. His eyes narrowed and when he opened his lips, he seemed to wrestle with himself before he shook his head at himself, grinning mischievously, as if he were finally shaking off his nonsensical counterarguments. He stood up, briefly clapping his thighs as if he were sealing his decision once and for all. But then his gaze went to me, his eyes widened briefly.

"Can I leave you alone? After... everything?" he asked.

"I'm not alone. Tibi is here," I said, nodding to the sleeping bird on its perch. Remus followed my gaze and smiled crookedly.

"Good. But what's next? With the Order? Without Dumbledore, we are..." he began, suddenly looking years old at the thought that the Resistance was now deprived of its most important leader.

"Let that be the concern of others. For now, enjoy the love you deserve," I replied and watched with satisfaction as Remus faced his happiness. At last.

Notes:

Thank you for reading. If anyone is still following this story, I hope you enjoy the final chapter of the Half-Blood Prince. I have adjusted the timing of the revelations for Severus a little due to the development of this story. Hope you do not mind. But who knows if Severus gave all of his memories to Harry? Or put them together because he didn't have much time left. Who could do it better than him?
Now I have a pretty free hand over the plot for Severus in Book 7. I hope you like that.