Alright, alright. Go ahead and scroll down for the chapter. You can always come back up here for my ramblings later.
As promised, a chapter today as well. A word of WARNING however, I have been so eager to get these out, I have not been doing my normal, listen using the read back feature on word to catch mistakes, step I usually require myself to do because I am blind to my own grammatical mistakes. Lol. Really though, I am sorry if you come across something. Eventually I will do some heavy duty cleaning up grammatically speaking…but that's really low on the priority at the moment. I mean SUPER low.
Got a few shout outs! I am glad SOME people are getting notifications…because they still are down for me. And stats too.
Unorthodox-Oblivion: You already know my response. Lol.
Syeern: Omg, Quirrell. Yes. I don't think it would work the same way though. The Nazgul would have probably won in the end…Tauriel is good, but it is more of a protection thing then a offence kind of thing. Lol. Although, with how pissed off she was…maybe she did have a chance.
That's it for now. Go ahead and read on.
Chapter Twenty-Five
"Kili…"
Amralime. Kili sighed as he lifted his head and rubbed his eyes, blinking into the light around him. He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes as he fought the pounding pain in his head and his chest. Mahal, why does everything hurt? He was supposed to be dead, his body was not supposed to feel pain anymore.
Blinking again, Kili tried to shake the feeling of pins and needles from his legs as his eyes slowly focused on the world around him. Why did it seem so familiar…this room…it did not look like the one he woke up in when he died that first time so very long ago.
Then it all came rushing back...why he knew this room. It haunted his nightmares. Maybe…he had not died yet. Maybe he was still on his deathbed and this was just one of the last nightmarish visions he was cursed to see before he left this world for paradise.
"I can't do this." Kili said, both wanting to look at the figure on the bed…and not wanting to. Of course he could never deny himself even a glimpse of his late wife, and will happily accept every bit of pain it caused him to relive the day that shattered his mind and heart so completely it never healed.
"Kili…"
Slowly, Kili lifted his eyes to the bed, to see the still form of his beloved, pail as the moon, and watching him with a look of deep concern.
Kili blinked several times, and she blinked back. She tried to move her lips like she was saying something, but no words came out…only a slight wheezing sound. Kili noticed she had one hand wrapped around Naufi who was…young, just a dwarfling again…and who was currently asleep with his head pressed to her shoulder and his arm resting on her stomach. With her free hand, Tauriel was tracing Kili's face. And he felt it as if she was real, solid, and...alive.
"Tauriel?" Kili said, not bothering to brush away the tears falling down his face.
"What happened? Why does everything hurt. Are you alright? You feel...fuzzy like it is difficult to reach you."
Kili blinked again. It has been centuries since he has heard her voice in his mind and the shock of it had him just gaping at her. After all the conversations on the veranda. After centuries of begging her to talk to him. Here she was, as if she never left.
"Left? Centuries? Whatever do you mean Meleth-nin?"
"Tauriel." Kili said again as he clasped her hand tightly and brought it to his lips, a gasping sob breaking from his chest. "Tauriel." He could not come up with any words right now. Everything felt both real…and dreamlike all at the same time. What was going on? What was happening? Was this real? Or is he just dreaming?
A small sound caught his attention and Kili turned to see Thorin…alive again too…and blinking as if he had too just woken up. He glanced around the room and smiled when he noticed Tauriel.
"Natha." He said with great big tears falling from his eyes as he came straight for the bed. "I knew, you were strong…but makers great forge, you gave us all a scare. How are you feeling?"
"I…" Tauriel gulped, took a very shallow breath, and tried again. "Hurts. Everything hurts." She finally said. "And I am so…tired."
Thorin nodded. "I will get a healer. Now that you are awake, I am sure they can do something about your pain. I will get us something to eat as well." He pressed a kiss to Tauriel's head first, then to Naufi's who was still asleep. He paused at the door, eyeing the raven perched high above them once again cooing softly and forlornly. Thorin quickly called the raven to him, deciding it was important they try and reach Fili to at least let him know they found Naufi. He decided against telling him about Tauriel…hopefully by the time Fili and Viltarra gets here, they will have better news on their beloved elf.
Kili was beyond confused and not a bit lost. Any minute now, he was going to wake up, an old, bed-ridden, dwarf, once again. Perhaps…he should make the most of whatever time he has in this ideal world instead of squandering these precous moments with his doubts.
"Kili…"
Kili turned to Tauriel, who squeezed his hand as he still held it to his lips. "I lost you." Was all Kili could find words to say. "For almost three hundred years…I lost you."
Tauriel was beyond confused, and even in her weekend state, the concern in her eyes and expression was very clear. "You were…asleep…" She took a shallow breath and closed her eyes…clearly in pain.
When she opened them, she tried again this time through their bond. It was difficult though, like going through heavy fog or walking through mud. Maybe it was because of her pain? She didn't know. At least it worked though so she will focus on getting her thoughts to him and go from there. "When I woke…you were asleep, meleth nin. I did not want to wake you, but you were restless, so I called for you. I am sorry I scared you."
Kili was still a bit surprised by their bond. He wanted to look at it, to see it, and feel it again. He wanted to wander the path to her mind and be engulfed by her in every sense. But the fear of the emptiness nearly kept him from her. He decided, however, that fear was not enough to stop him and he easily, and slowly, followed the path he once knew instinctively.
Within seconds, Kili found it and followed the connection to the bridge they build together…strong and solid between their minds. "I don't…I don't understand. It, it was broken, gone, hidden…" His brows lowered as he focused back on Tauriel. "You broke our bond."
Tauriel shook her head, anger flashing in her emerald eyes. "Never!" She wheezed, then shifted a bit when Naufi sighed in his sleep…pressing his face further into her shoulder but remaining asleep.
"Kili, I would never do that. Why would you even think such a thing?" She then looked around the room and down at her wrapped chest. "Kili...why am I in here? How did this happen?"
"You don't remember? What do you remember, amralime?" Kili sighed, still holding her hand. He couldn't let it go, he wouldn't. It anchored him to this reality...and whatever world he can keep her, is where he wants to stay.
Tauriel's brows creased in thought as she looked down at Naufi then back at Kili. "We were coming back from Rhun when we found out Naufi was taken. Tork…he flew us to the fortress and we…battled orcs and Nazgul?"
Kili nodded. "We got him out of the fortress."
"I don't remember much about that."
Sighing again, Kili held her hand to his lips, trying to remember the events that led up to that painful moment she took that arrow to her chest. His mind seemed far less muddled now. In fact, he could recall in perfect details what had happened at the fortress…remember like it happened yesterday. Was it yesterday? Did he just dream nearly three hundred years of life in one night?
Something akin to hope filled him. Maybe…this was reality. But if it was, how long did he have with her? She didn't look good…not at all. What cruel creator hates him so much, they would let him dream up a lifetime of living without Tauriel…only to have to relive it again. He released her hand to grasp at his head as he felt more cracks formed in his mind causing a sharp pain that had him gasping for breath. He can't…he can't live like this. This is too much.
"Kili?" What was happening? Was Kili hurt? She looked him over the best she could trying to see if he had any visible injuries or bruising...but he seemed alright apart from the fact he was gripping his head tightly. The pain it caused to watch him suffer exceeded the pain burning in her chest right now tenfold. Her precious Kili. With what strength she had, she lifted her hand to try and pull his hands from his face, but all she could muster was to graze her fingers against his pierced lips.
Kili felt something brush his face, and he looked down to see Tauriel watching him with tears falling from her eyes. She was in so much pain. Kili doubted she had the energy to do much right now, let alone notice the cracks forming and ripping in his mind apart. He took a deep breath and tried his best to ignore them as he tried to tell her what happened.
"We crossed the bridge where Thorin and Thranduil were gathered with our forces. The Nazgul had said their peace, and turned to go back inside and we were preparing to leave ourselves. But just as we turned away, a shot was fired from the shadows…one of the Nazgul had come back and fired a poisoned shaft through your chest."
"Oh." Tauriel wheezed, eyeing the bandages wrapped around her upper body. "It hurts to breathe and speak." She said after a moment. Her voice was hoarse whenever she tried to use it, and Kili keenly felt the pain and discomfort it caused her.
"The shaft missed your heart, but you have an injured lung. That's probably why it hurts to breathe. The healers, I am sure, will better explain it all to you." He entwined their fingers once more and tightened his grip on her hand. "Amralime, I need you to keep breathing...just…keep breathing for me." Kili pleaded. "But you do not need to speak."
"Naufi?"
"Exhausted, and traumatized." Kili said, reaching over and brushing a thumb over his sons cheek. "I think he will be okay once he sees you're awake. He blames himself."
"Kili, please tell me our sixteen-year-old child has not taken responsibility for something a Nazgul has done?"
There was something in Kili that felt...wrong or off. He remembered Naufi...he remembered his quiet, stoic, son who was once full of life and cleverness before Tauriel had died. He remembered trying everything to help him, to support him, but Naufi never came back to himself. Yet here he was, in those moments that broke him so deeply he lost himself. But if that was a dream…then everything that happened was nothing but visions his mind invented. Visions, he was slowly losing.
Shaking his head, Kili looked at Tauriel. "I told him it was not his fault. He will need time. He hasn't eaten either. I can't get him to eat. Hopefully he will be willing to eat something when uncle brings back some food. I doubt he has eaten much of anything in two days."
Right on cue, the door opened again but it was not just Thorin who walked in, but Marawen and Thranduil. The healer was smiling softly, though it clearly was a forced smile, while Thranduil just looked…like Thranduil.
"Well. I see you are still with us." Thranduil said in his usually nonchalant voice. But it did soften a bit as he said, "I am very happy you are awake, Tauriel. Please do not endeavor to do such a thing again. It was quite a production in these halls last evening…and your dwarf is most unappealing when he is not his normal self. I find him to be far less entertaining."
Kili scowled and Thranduil actually smiled. "Welcome back, prince Kili." He then looked to Naufi and back to Tauriel. "How are you feeling, Tauriel?"
"I…home." Tauriel said without hesitation. "I want…home. When can we go?"
Thorin smiled, but Kili could not find it in him to do more than press Tauriel's hand to his lips again.
Thranduil nodded, though an annoyed expression flit across his youthful features. "I cannot give you a timeline for that. The truth is, Tauriel, if I let you leave this city now, you will die before you reach your mountain. It is best you remain here for the time being. You are in no state for travel."
"I…" Tauriel looked to Kili as a wave of pain emanating from her chest hit her hard. By the Valar she had bore five children…and this was somehow far more painful than that. She looked to the soft yet sad expression on Marawen's face, reading it for what it was. It did not look good for her. In fact, there was a possibility, she would not be going home at all. Her children. Her Kili. Her family. Then she thought of Fili…
"The others?" Tauriel asked Kili, when she remembered Fili, Viltarra, Legolas, and her grandfather along with Bofur were still on their way to Mirkwood. Valar she hoped they will have the little infant as well.
"They are stopping in Lothlorien first." Kili said to her first, then to everyone in the room. "There are quite a few injured from that city, and from this one as well. Ivethin is with them, and Nelithi. I would assume the boat should arrive any day now but the healers should know to prepair for more to come."
"I will have them ready to be received." Marawen said.
"Thank you Marawen, I am sure Ivethin will be wanting teams put together." Thranduil sighed. "I shall inform the kitchens to be ready to prepare a feast the moment we have visual confirmation of their arrival while the healing halls are preparing for the injured." He looked to Marawen who nodded before he continued. "I will have scouts watch the river for the approaching craft. Now what...do you presume...am I to do with the shifter? He is currently pacing holes in the outside halls."
"Send him in." Kili said. "He will want to know Tauriel is alright. Then treat him as any guest." He said, then paused. "But maybe not like you treated us when you first found us though. After what he has done for us, he does not deserve to be thrown into a cell."
Thranduil lifted his brow. "I threw you into a cell because..." He paused and looked to Thorin who folded his arms and glared at the elven king. "Very well." He continued, not finishing his previous sentence, which was probably the wiser decision. "I will send him in and have a room prepared for him and the others. Food is also being prepared and brought in shortly, I leave you in Marawen's hands. Please inform me of any changes or needs you may have."
With that, Thranduil gave Tauriel one last meaningful look before leaving the room. Tork came in not moments later with a big grin on his face.
"Well look at you, bunny. Skewered but still fighting."
Kili growled and Thorin nearly went into a rage, at least until Tork held up his hands in apology. "Woe now. That was meant as a joke to lighten the mood a bit. It's way too solemn in here, we should be celebrating. Shouldn't we?"
Kili sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose...it had Tauriel chuckling when she saw the same action performed by Thorin. So alike, the two could be, in mannerisms at least. She closed her eyes when fresh pain swept through her body and Marawen rushed forward.
"I would suggest not doing anything that could move your chest too much until you are further healed." She chastised gently then held a vial out for Tauriel to see. "This, will put you back to rest, which is what your body needs right now more than anything." She glanced at Kili. "It is the only thing I can suggest right now, I apologize. We can do many things here, and work through many kinds of injuries…but this one…"
Kili tensed but Tauriel gave him a soft, reassuring smile. "I will be alright." She said in a coarse, but soothing voice.
"I can't lose you again." Kili said with pain in his voice. "I can't, Tauriel."
Tauriel cupped his cheek. Her poor Kili. He was staring at her with such a devastated look, it broke her heart. Whatever he saw in his mind, really upset him. She will be asking him about it, but he clearly was not ready to talk about it and she would not bring him more pain by pushing the subject. Besides, her own pain was making it difficult to really concentrate on much...even her bond was sore. Almost like it was recently sutured back into her mind. She will be looking into that as well...when she had the energy.
"You won't lose me, my Kili." She said out loud, opting to finish the thought through their bond. "I promise you. I will fight for us, my Kili. Whatever you saw...it was a dream, love, nothing more. I am here. I don't know what happened to our bond, but it hasn't gone anywhere...we will figure it out. But it is there...you feel it, I feel it; we will be alright."
Kili swallowed hard, but nodded and allowed Marawen to place the vial on the table beside them. "I want you to eat before you drink that, it is measured and ready you just need to take it all. But your body needs food to help it restore itself. We are bringing in broth for you. I want you to drink as much as you can, then, take the full vial."
Tauriel nodded in agreement as Marawen smiled and left them to themselves. She trusted the family will ensure Tauriel takes the draught. Not moments later an elf came in with a tray, placing it on the table, then left the room.
"Kili..." Tauriel said as the door shut. "Can you help me?" She tried to reach the broth, but it was too far away and she felt weak…so weak.
Kili immediately took action, pouring the broth into a cup and lifting it to her lips to help her drink. She swallowed several times before she turned her head away. The pain drinking caused was unbearable, and she just couldn't handle it anymore.
"Tauriel…" Kili said, brushing the tears from her face.
"Why does it hurt so much." Tauriel said, her fist clenching the blanket tightly. She tried to take a breath, but that hurt too and was soon stuck between trying to stop her heavy breathing, and trying to take a breath.
"Breathe, amralime. Breathe. Slowly. You have an injured lung. That is probably why you're so uncomfortable." He moved to lean over her, pressing his head to hers. "It will be alright, just take it slow. That's it." He praised as Tauriel's body relaxed and she found a breathing pattern that was more comfortable. She then eyed the draught.
"Kili…I…I'm afraid…" She said so softly, Kili understood what she meant. She was afraid if she took it…she may not wake up.
"Me too." Kili swallowed hard, closing his eyes and feeling a tear trail down his face even as he pulled away and grasped the vial. "She said it will help…"
Tauriel nodded and accepted his help once more to take it. As it made its way through her broken system, she glanced at her son beside her, still lost to the waking world.
"Kili, are you sure he is alright? Naufi is never this heavy of a sleeper."
"He spent an entire night awake in Dul Guldur, and who knows how much sleep he and the children have been getting when we were away. I am sure he is fine. If he doesn't wake by lunch, I will wake him up. But for now, let him be."
Tauriel nodded as Thorin arranged the pillows for her so she could rest at more of an angle without causing too much strain on the wound in her back. Kili wondered why she was not on her side, but he was no healer so what did he know?
Still, this was his wife…his everything. Kili leaned over her, and pressed his lips to her head. "I love you." He whispered as she closed her eyes. He felt her in his mind, felt her pain, and her body losing the fight to stay conscious. "Stay with me…please." He begged her, but she did not respond…she was already in a dreamless asleep.
"She going to be alright?" Tork asked as he helped himself to a tray. Thorin growled but let it be. He did not know this...shifter...and certainly did not know WHY he was in this room where only family should be allowed. All he knew, was the man could become a lion nearly if not a bit larger than Thranduil's stag, and he came from Rhun with Kili and Tauriel. He is sure he will get the story soon…but until then he will remain wary of the larger man.
Kili sat on the chair he pulled even closer to the bed. He didn't answer Tork, because, he didn't really know. They didn't seem hopeful, and Kili could not shake that vision...dream... whatever it was from his mind. He ate in silence, the time passing him by until he heard a soft "Mama?" coming from his son.
Looking up, Kili watched Naufi rubbing his eyes as he slowly sat up. "Mama?"
Naufi looked to his mother, who was lying very still, with a look of deep panic in his eyes until Kili quickly grabbed him off the bed before he could shake Tauriel awake. He knew the draught would help her sleep, but he doubted she was in such a deep sleep her son calling out to her would not wake her.
"Shh." Kili admonished as Naufi tried to fight his father. "You're going to wake her, Naufi, let her sleep."
"Is she..."
"No." Kili shook his head. "She's just asleep. Let her be, alright? Here..." Setting Naufi down…Mahal he was getting almost too big to pick up…Kili grabbed the last tray and placed it beside his own on the larger table in the room then pushed Naufi into his chair. "You need to eat."
"I don't want to eat…I'm not hungry. Are you sure mama is alright?"
"You need to eat, Naurfaer." Thorin said in a warning tone, it had the dwarfling shrinking even more into himself and Kili sighed. This was not like Naufi at all.
"It's alright, Naufi. Your mam woke up a little bit ago. They gave her some medicine to help her get comfortable…she needs sleep to get better. But you, need to eat. I am sure your mother will want to hear all about what has happened in the mountain while we are gone. She will be quite cross if she found out you refused to touch your food."
Naufi finally nodded, but only picked at his plate. He didn't even touch the cookie they made for him, nor the buttered toast he normally loved. Though he did eat several bites of the sweet oatmeal; it was enough for Kili for now, he didn't want to push Naufi too much when he was clearly still quite distressed.
The evidence of that was how quiet and still he was as the day progressed. The longer Tauriel slept, the more upset Naufi seemed to get. Tork stayed for only a small while, but opted to give them some privacy saying he needed to stretch his legs a bit. Thorin continually shooting glares at him whenever he so much as opened his mouth may have been part of it as well.
When they were alone, Kili gave the entire story he knew of Tork, and Thorin hummed in response. He didn't trust anyone outside the family or his people...so Kili was not in the least bit surprised his uncle still didn't want the shifter around despite what he has done. Tauriel will more than likely have to be the one to convince Thorin to tolerate the man.
Kili sighed as he watched Naufi climb back on the bed and curl up at Tauriel's feet, where he stayed through lunch and even dinner. Both meals he refused, despite Kili doing his best to get him to eat at least one thing off the tray. Naufi just turned his back to his father and continued to stare at the opposite wall.
When he fell asleep once more, Kili pulled him off the bed and just held him. His poor Naufi. He wishes he would have woken him up when Tauriel was awake earlier...if only to spare him the pain he was in.
Like the day before, healers came and went checking Tauriel's wound in her chest. They would speak in hushed tones, Kili picking out words like 'No change.' And 'Bleeding' but there were a lot of words he did not know. It was one thing to speak the language fluently…and another to understand medical talk. Even in khuzdul, there were some things Kili knew little about…and that, was healers talk.
At least, any healers talk outside things he has gone through. Superficial wounds, breaks, fractures, all those he was quite familiar with. He was also getting quite adept in child bearing verbiage…but whatever they were saying was beyond his knowledge of the elven tongue.
He tried to ask a few times, but they would just shake their head. "It is nothing to worry about yet, we are only making observations. If we have anything new to report, you will be the first to know." Marawen had told him as she quickly left the room.
Kili did not sleep that night, and Tauriel did not wake up the next morning. Kili watched her, his eyes dry from the tears that wanted to fall, but were held back in an effort to find some strength for Naufi who Kili felt he was losing as well…his son who looked as if he was having a nightmare.
Kili bent down and gently cupped his sons cheek. "Naufi." He said softly. "It's alright." He tried to sooth. It was difficult, but he did his best to force his own emotions down for the time being.
Naufi stirred, then opened his eyes, lifting his head as he looked over his fathers shoulder to see his mother who was unmoving on the bed…though her breathing was evident in the movement of her chest.
"MAMA!" The dwarfling leapt to his feet but was quickly snatched up by his father.
"NO NAUFI!" Kili growled, knowing with the momentum he had he would have hurt Tauriel further by jumping on the bed, and potentially, at her as well.
Naufi immediately deflated then began to cry, the fight gone from him as Kili held him tightly.
It took two hours to calm Naufi down, though he kept apologizing over and over again with his face pressed into Kilis shoulder. Nobody quite understood what he was saying through his hiccupping sobs, but they soon got out that he still blamed himself for his mother's injury. Kili just held him, giving him the time he needed to get it out of his system while making sure Naufi knew his father was there.
"I got you, Naufi. We will get through this." He pressed a kiss to Naufi's head as his sons body calmed and the hiccupping spasms stopped. Since he had a bit more control, Kili set him at the end of the bed, at his mothers feet, where he curled up into himself, his emerald eyes just watching Kili and Thorin silently. His emotionless expression gave Kili chills.
"Naufi…I think we need to talk about this." Kili said, getting on the floor on his knees so he could be level with the dwarfling. He was never going to allow the reality where Naufi looses himself…not if he could help it. His son was only sixteen. That to a human may be an age of accountability and near adulthood…but Naufi was born of an elf and a dwarf. Sixteen was little different to them then a human half his age. He was still learning, still growing, and still trying to understand the world around him. To have something like this happen at such a formative age? Kili doubts even if he did come back to himself that Naufi will escape completely unchanged.
"I'm sorry, da." Naufi said again, so softly, so brokenly. "She's going to leave us forever…and it's my fault."
"Naufi!" Thorin said shaking his head. "What did I tell you about blaming yourself?"
Kili shot Thorin a look and his uncle grumbled but let Kili continue. "First of all, I need you to understand no matter what you think you did, unless you were the one who loosed that arrow…what your mam is going through is in no way your fault."
"But…" Naufi sat up.
"No." Kili shook his head, running his fingers through Naufi's hair. He really needs to find somewhere his son could bathe. "The Nazgul is at fault here. Not you. Second of all, your mam is still with us. She has not left us yet so we need to be strong for her. She made it through the night, we have to believe she will continue to fight to stay with us." Was Kili trying to convince himself as well as his son of that fact? Absolutely. He had to have hope for her, and for his son right now…even if he had to find that hope deep within him.
Tauriel always said, hope, was like the brightest star in the night sky. It lead, filled the darkness with light, and was there whether you could see it or not. But just because it's always there, doesn't mean you could always see it. Sometimes, she would say, you have to search for it through the clouds, and sometimes, like during the day, you just have to believe it is there. But like that star high above, hope is always around…but it's up to you to find its light.
It was hard right now, for Kili to find Tauriel's star of hope…when everything around him is so filled with darkness right now. His mind felt shredded, muddled, and raw. He heard his wife's words, and he wanted to believe them…but it was far from easy to do so.
However, for his son, he will do what he can to give him hope. Naufi did not deserve a life of catatonic silence…he wanted to see the Naufi who grows up filled with light. For that, he would do anything. If there was no hope for Tauriel, this may be a slightly different conversation. But there is hope…his star is fighter, and she will continue to fight until she has no fight left to give. And that is what he told his son.
Naufi looked from Kili to Thorin, then down at the bed. He pulled at a loose bit of thread on the blanket before he took a breath, and then, told them exactly why his mother was dying…because of him. "It was my fault because I chose to leave the mountain."
"What?!" Kili said in surprise. He had not even considered HOW Naufi was taken. Well, that's not completely true, he knew he had to find out the 'how' so it didn't happen again. But he certainly had not expected that. Though in hindsight and knowing his children were every bit a piece of both he and Tauriel…including both their penchants for finding themselves in troubling situations…he probably should have anticipated his answer.
Thorin stood and staired down at his grandson. "What…were you thinking leaving the mountain after I expressly told you not to?"
Naufi flinched, and Kili ALMOST told Thorin to let it be for now…but he really needed to hear what his son was thinking leaving Erebor during a time of possible attack. Thorin had told Kili himself…they did not know what the Nazgul's intentions were, they were even preparing for a battle with the unkillable creatures.
It may also help Naufi to release some of his worries. No matter WHAT he was thinking, or WHAT his reasonings were…it was still not his fault that Nazgul shot Tauriel. Kili will ensure he understands that regardless of what his thought process was. Good or bad, he knew without a doubt Naufi never intended to be taken, nor for harm to befall anyone in the family let alone his own mother.
It took nearly an entire hour for Naufi to completely explain what he did, why he did it, how exactly he was able to do it, and how he got caught outside. To say Thorin was furious...was putting it lightly.
"That CHICKEN?!" He roared, then cursed harshly in khuzdul. He was so infuriated, he had to step out of the room to collect himself, the door slamming behind him. Naufi flinched as he left, and began to sob anew. Kili couldn't take it and scooped him up and sat beside the bed, half rocking him and half trying to understand what he was thinking.
"We will be talking about this further when your mother wakes." Kili said into Naufi's ear just as the dwarfling started calming down. "But Naufi…" He took a breath, trying to cool his own burning temper. "…I still don't blame you for what happened." He felt Naufi's arms tighten around his neck as he began to cry again. Kili just pressed his lips to his sons hair and held him. Eventually, likely a mix between stress, and his system being overwhelmed with emotion, Naufi fell asleep in his father's arms.
"That bird has got to go." He muttered angerly to himself as he stood and placed Naufi on the bed before pacing the room. "This entire situation, happened because of that...creature." He paused, looking at his pale son, then even paler wife. "What am I going to do, Tauriel?" He asked…but she didn't answer him. It was so much like his dream, Kili had to sit and take her hand to prove she was real, that she was there.
That is where he sat until Thorin came back nearly a bit larter. He took one lok at Kili, then he all but kicked him out of the room. "You need to get some air, Kili…how long have you been in here? When is the last time you stepped outside? I will watch over them both while you take some time for yourself."
"I won't leave her." Kili growled but Thorin put his foot down.
"You're a mess, Kili. At least go take a shower, change into some fresh clothes, then come back. They are doing everything they can…don't give up on her. But don't give up on yourself either, son." Thorin cupped the side of Kili's face and pressed their brows together. "She is favored by our own maker…have faith Kili."
"I watched her die, uncle. I lived a life without her in my dreams. And now, I am being forced to do that again. Forgive me, but I may have hope, but I certainly have no faith right now." He tore away from his uncle and left the room missing Thorin's look of concern.
The healer's halls were a flurry of activity as the healers prepared beds, rooms, and countless bottles of salves and medicines for the soon to be returning elves who were injured. Kili refused to make eye contact with anyone, given they all just seemed to give him looks filled with pity anyway and he could not handle that right now.
"Hey Kitty." Tork smiled as he jogged up to him. "Any changes with Bunny?"
"It's Kili her name is Tauriel…and no. She is still asleep." Kili moved to go around the shifter but he took up nearly the entire doorframe. "Do you mind…" he growled, folding his arms.
"Do I mind what?" Tork asked then smirked. "Running away? Eh? This too much for you?"
Kili stiffened, his eyes going black with fury as he stared hard at the shifter. "If you ever suggest such a thing again…I will not hesitate to kill you. My wife may be fond of you Tork…but I hardly know you." His voice was laced with danger, so much so, it surprised even himself.
Maybe uncle was right, maybe he did need to get some fresh air. Without Tork, they would have never gotten to his son as fast as they did, and who knows if Tauriel would have survived in that compound had he not befriended her instead of attacking her. Kili knew he really should be telling Tork how grateful he was for him…despite his current desire to throttle the man who easily towered over Kili and was built of nothing but muscles and bones. Mahal he made Beorn look lean in comparison.
Kili took a deep, cleansing, breath. "Look…" He breathed through his nose as he tried to calm himself down further. Amazing, how much he relied on his wife to help calm his dwarven temper. "…I will never leave her. Ever. Not that I owe you an explanation…but I am going to go get cleaned up. It's been a really difficult few days…weeks…" He amended with a grimace. "Can you just…" He gestured to the door and Tork finally nodded.
Tork hummed in thought, then, slowly nodded. "Alright, you do look like you've crawled out of a dump pit I'll give you that." He leaned against the frame, just eyeing the prince, before he glanced at Tauriel's door. "Ya know…I really haven't known Bunny for long…and I've you for an even shorter amount of time, Kitty. But it doesn't take a blind diggerbug to see you two are two sides of the same sand-pod."
Kili blinked. Dump pit? Diggerbug? Sand-pod? What in the fiery forge of Mahal was Tork even trying to say. His confusion must have shown on his face, because within seconds Tork's boisterous laughter was ringing through the grand hall. "Just, try not to give up on her. You traveled across the lands to find her…now give her a chance to find her way back to you, Kitty."
"Its KILI!" Kili growled, but it only caused Tork to laugh even more.
"So feisty, yet so adorable." He patted Kili on the head as he moved away from the door to let Kili by. "I can see why Bunny is so attached to you."
Afraid he might pull a blade on Tork, Kili wisely chose not linger once the door was free; he just quickly brushed past the shifter without looking back. If he did, he might just kill his wife's friend…or, he would go against his uncles wishes and barge into Tauriel's room again and sit there as he waited for her to show him those beautiful emerald eyes again…soiled clothes in all. Thorin can yell and order him all he wants, Kili is an adult and can do what he wants.
He paused several steps outside the healing halls. What if she takes her last breath while he is gone? He wasn't there when she had the night before. He had fallen asleep. He had failed her, abandoned her, missed her final moments. What if…
Shaking the thought from his head, Kili stomped away, heading towards Tauriel's previous quarters where he had left a few of his things when he had gone to Rhun to find her.
A shower, and a change of clothes, and maybe something of Tauriel's for Naufi to read or look at…then he is going right back.
The city around him was awake and full of energy. Elves were swiftly walking to and fro, many excitedly talking about the returning elves that were lost. Once or twice, one of the elves had stopped Kili asking if he knew a particular elf…but Kili only knew a few by name so he was forced to apologize and make his excuses to leave. He also had to apologize more then once when he was asked when they would arrive. He had no clue how long it would take to get to Lothlorien, then to Mirkwood. Could be a day, could be a week…he had no way of knowing. Hopefully…Fili was coming sooner rather than later though…he needed his brothers strength right now.
It took far too long in his opinion to get to the small chamber, and Kili swiftly locked the door once he was inside and leaned against hit. He closed his eyes as his wife's scent hit him and the cracks in his mind suddenly flared with pain. Why was this so hard? She was alive…Tauriel was alive and breathing just a few halls away. He needed to focus on that.
Kili barely recalls going through the motions of finding his pack, pulling some clothes from it, undressing, or stepping into the freezing shower. Even as he sat there, the spray falling down his hair and back, Kili was numb to it all. Dirt and sand mixed on floor before it went down the drain, but Kili ignored it. He only moved to grab some soap and go through the motions of washing his hair and body. He needed to redo his braids, but that was the least of his concerns right now.
"I didn't get to say goodbye." Kili thought to himself as he braced a hand against the shower, the other was pressed to his face as if it alone was trying to hold Kili together. He knew his mind was shattering, he knew he was going into a dark place, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.
"I lived without you! I spent 300 years without you…WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!" Kili roared as he slid down to the shower floor and wept for what felt like hours.
Thorin nodded to Kili as he stepped back into the room. Dwalin and Aeodhen were with him, along with Tork who was making faces at Naufi. It was clear Naufi was trying to hold back his smile…especially when Tork wagged his brows and turned himself just enough to show his swishing tail he formed just behind him. Kili swears he also saw whiskers on Tork's face but they were gone when the shifter turned to him.
"She's still with us, but there's not been any changes. Thought you should know." Tork said as he dangled his tail just in front of Naufi's eyes. "And to me, that's not really a bad thing. So don't get all broody like you've been, Kitty. She's still with us, focus on that."
"If I wanted advice…I would ask for it." Kili bristled, not in the mood for Tork right now.
Naufi flinched and Kili immediately felt bad, so he grumbled an apology as he fell into a chair beside Tauriel. He waited for Naufi to join him, but the dwarfling just went silent. Was it him? Was Naufi…was he afraid of him now?
Kili blinked at his son who was looking at the floor…and he could not take it any more. He stood, plucked Naufi off the bed, and held him in his arms. "Naufi…what is it?" He got even more worried when Naufi was just limp in his grasp, not looking at him.
If there was one thing Kili used to pride himself on, was his relationship with his children. All four of them were close to both Kili and Tauriel. There never was a time when they were afraid to go to either of their parents…so Kili was both hurt and concerned by Naufi's blatant desire to not even want to be near him.
Another crack formed in his mind, feeling as if his son for whatever reason, didn't want him or feel safe with him. Kili had to close his eyes as a sharp pain wracked his mind, but a soft hand on his cheek had him opening his eyes.
"Are you alright, da?"
On any other day, Kili would be rather embarrassed to admit all the times he has broken down just that day…but he didn't care as he held his son and sobbed into Naufi's hair as he held him close. He felt Naufi wrap his arms round his neck and just hold him as Kili cried, wondering how many more tears he even had left in him.
Nobody came to help pull him together in that shower. His wife wasn't there to sooth his mind with her warmth, his brother didn't come to kick him into getting a hold of himself, not even his mother came to lovingly scold and berate him for his lack of faith right now. He alone had to force himself up off the cool tile floor. He himself had to build a fire in the small room to warm his body as it shivered uncontrollably not just from his pain, but from the freezing temperatures of the shower and frigid air. He himself had to force his mind to pull itself together so he could be the father Naufi needed right now. So he did. At least, he did to the best of his ability. Clearly he still was not able to hold it together completely.
The room was silent, giving Kili his moment with his son. Eventually Kili was spent. He leaned away and pressed both his hands to Naufi's head and pressed his lips to his sons brow. "I love you Naufi, never forget that."
Naufi nodded. "We are sons of Durin da." He said with pride.
"Ya." Kili nodded. "We are."
"I'm sorry, da." Naufi said in a whisper.
Kili nodded. "I know. But Naufi…what that Nazgul did…no matter what happens, I need you to understand that what he did was not your fault."
"Mama is strong…right da?" Naufi asked ignoring his fathers previous statement.
"The strongest." Kili nodded.
"Then…is it okay…if I believe she will be okay?" Naufi asked.
Kili sighed, he glanced at his wife…so still and so quiet…then he looked at his uncle who nodded. Finally, Kili turned his eyes back to his son. "Naufi…I..." He wanted to let his son have hope…but despite what he thought earlier he also wanted to prepare him for the worst. If his dream was some sort of warning, or premonition, Kili wanted him to be ready for it. Mahal only knows Kili was not ready for it.
However, even as he thought it, the memory of a catatonic Naufi had him shutting his mouth and instead, he nodded. "I think I need you to believe for me too, can you do that?" Yet another tear fell from his eyes and Naufi wiped it away before it hit Kili's beard.
"Da…." Naufi bit his lip and it ALMOST had Kili lose it completely because the mannerism was so much his mother. Kili nearly couldn't handle it, but he forced the pain down.
"Ya?"
Naufi now had both his hands on Kili's face, his fingers tracing Kili's features as Naufi looked at him. "I missed you." He said so simply, and so softly, Kili nearly missed it. "When you were gone. I missed you."
Kili held Naufi close. "I missed you."
"Is it okay if I re-braid these for you?" Naufi asked, tugging on Kili's family braids. "I've been practicing."
Naturally Kili nodded and Naufi went to work braiding. Kili had to help him secure the bead, but otherwise he did the two braids perfectly. He knew better than to touch the elven braid in his fathers hair…that was mama's job. When he was done, he lay his head on Kilis shoulder, ignoring the dampness from both his own tears, and from Kili's shower.
Despite what his father said, Naufi was not foolish enough to believe he will ever be let back into Erebor now…not with what he had done. Once his mama was better…and he knows she will get better, or, he hopes she will…they will leave and Naufi will officially be banished. Of course nobody has said anything to him. Still…he will take whatever time he has with his father and his mother while he can. He knows his grandfather will be pulling him aside soon to explain to him why he was not allowed back in their mountain. Or… maybe there will be a trial. If there is, then maybe his family will be there and he will get to say goodbye to them one last time. If not…he wonders if he can make a last request that they all visit him at least once.
Naufi shook away his melancholy…he needed to be strong for his mama right now, he will worry about his banishment later. Although…it might be an idea to speak to the elf king and see if he can do something here to earn his stay. There was also Dale too…but humans don't age the same way so it might be too hard to live with them, even if it was closer to the mountain.
When dinner came around, neither Kili nor Naufi had much of an appetite. Kili tried to encourage Naufi to eat something…but he just shook his head as he closed his eyes. It worried Kili knowing how little his son had eaten…but he also understood this was a difficult time so he pulled Marawen aside to see if she can make a request for some of Naufi's favorite foods. She was sure they would be able to find something similar in the city.
However, Naufi was asleep when dinner came, and Kili didn't want to wake him so he apologized to the elf who smiled and said he will try again at breakfast. Though he left the tray in case Naufi woke up.
Tork left again followed by Aeodhen and Dwalin who were going to check on the guards to make sure they were keeping in line while they were guests in Mirkwood. It left Thorin and Kili alone in the room, both silently waiting for Tauriel to wake up, and both filled with pain and worry when another night went by and she still lay asleep.
"You have to be patient. Her body has a lot of healing to do." Marawen said the following morning.
"But she isn't getting any better." Kili said, handing a fork to Naufi who was once again, picking at his breakfast. It appears the cooks tried to make him some waffles…but even Kili thought they looked a bit unappealing and rather dry. Apparently…elves don't believe in smothering their food in syrups, butter, or jam. It was just a few waffles with a drizzle of honey over them. They did include some dried berries…but Naufi just sighed and pushed them around his plate.
The dwarfling wanted to say he missed his nan's cooking…but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Especially now knowing his nan probably hated him for lying to her. He will never have her pies, roasts, or any of her cooking for that matter, again. He won't even have any of gran's sweet buns or help gran-da Vin learn to bake again. He chose a stupid chicken over his family.
Naufi pushed his pain down as he picked at his food, taking a bite of the really dry waffle and chewing for nearly a minute to get it down before he grimaced at the taste and pushed his plate away. Instead, he twisted around to look at the large man who can change into an animal who was happily shoveling his own waffles into his mouth. He had been gone all night, but came back in this morning when breakfast arrived.
"Did you really fly all the way here?" Naufi asked curiously.
Tork chuckled from where he sat with his feet up on a table. He had come back in with Dwalin and Aeodhen giving news of a small skirmish that happened just outside the cities gate the night before. Of course, Thorin was once again, glaring at him, but he astutely ignored the dwarven king. "Actually...I flew. But not the whole way. Just from the river." Tork said with a smile.
"I wish I was a winged lion." Naufi said.
"Better a winged lion than one of those massive spiders." Tork laughed. "I just happened to be flying over the forest last night, and noticed a hive of 'em climbing through the treetops."
"Just happened upon them...or working with the enemy?" Thorin grumbled.
Kili rolled his eyes as he sat back in the chair beside Tauriel. He picked up her hand and held it as he listened to the account only half caring about the battle that clearly was not all that serious. Honestly, he was too exhausted mentally to really think on it anyway. He knew Fili would be coming up the waterway, so he was not worried about that, and the spiders were relatively easier to kill than the other things in the area.
"I heard the guards talkin' bout seein' em outside the gate. Said it was not normal they were so close to the city." Dwalin grunted. "It was thanks ta Tork here, tha' they were found before they tried teh attack the city. We went with Thranduil himself an' took a team to push em back. Killed 'em all in fact. Took us near an hour."
"I hate those things." Aeodhen grumbled as leaned against the wall. "Still canno' look at a spider the same after seein' em."
Tork just shrugged. "I think they could be quite a worthy meal." He grinned when both Dwalin and Aeodhen gave him a disgusted look.
"Ew." Naufi spoke the words on all of their minds. "You can't eat a spider! It's a bug!"
"Arachnid. Actually. Not the same thing." Tork said. "And my mother made them all the time when I was a pup your age. Slow cooked over a fire, spider is crunchy on the outside, and tender on the inside. Very tasty when cooked right."
Naufi scrunched his nose in distaste but then his stomach growled and he leaned towards his father. "I'm hungry da…but I don't think I can eat those." He pointed to the mostly uneaten waffle on his plate. "They hurt my jaw to chew."
Kili sighed and stood, searching the trays for something, anything, Naufi would eat. The fact he was looking for food was already a good sign. "There is not much left here that you haven't already picked through. I can see if they can bring in something else, I am sure they can cook something up that they haven't tried yet." He eyed his son, who suddenly looked horrified.
"Will they make me eat one of those spiders?" Naufi asked forlornly.
Tork chuckled. "One would only hope."
Kili shook his head…trying to keep his mind present rather than falling back into the darkness that haunted his mind every time he shut his eyes. Right now, the spiders were the least of his worries. He rubbed his hands down his face as he stepped out to try and pin Marawen down.
Naturally, she was nowhere in sight so Kili opted to stop another healer who lifted a brow but turned on his toes to go to the kitchens for even more food. Kili may have caught the elf mumbling something about how the dwarves were going to eat and drink them through their winter reserves…but honestly Kili could care less about that right now.
As he walked back into the room, Kili couldn't help but ask, "Were you able to get a view of the boat by chance while you were in the air?"
Tork nodded. "They are not far, should be arriving in the next day or so. I was going to speak to them and check on Nelithi and Ivethin, but that is when I spotted the spiders and those two told me I needed to give a report." He gestured to both Dwalin who grunted and Aeodhen who rolled his eyes. Neither chose to comment.
Kili sighed, a bit more relieved to know they had a timeline. He ran his hands through his hair, and went back to staring at his wife while around him the world continued to move by. Thorin asked him a few questions, but Kili only half-heartedly answered. Every second that went by, was agony as he silently begged Tauriel to wake up again. She was right in front of him, and yet he missed her desperately. He couldn't even feel her in his mind…which they told him was the fault of the draught. It put her in a dreamless, pain free, sleep.
Oh…against their warnings, he had tried to use their bond, and the bridge was there…but the way was shut. It felt just like it did when she was taken from him and put into a deep sleep as they took her to Rhun. At least this time, he could see her.
As the day turned to night, there was still no visual on the ship Fili and Viltarra were on outside the one Tork gave. Thorin eyed Kili as he sat in the silent room. Kaw had not returned either, so there was no telling when Fili would be there…hopefully sooner rather than later. Thorin knew Kili needed his brother almost as much as he needed Tauriel.
Tauriel. Mahal he preys she wakes up again. "Please wake up, nâtha." Thorin silently pleaded as he tucked in for another long, sleepless, night.
Authors Note: Hate me a little less now? I mean hopefully, this will clear some of those clouds. I made sure there was some humor in it too though it is a bit heavy as well. We're not completely out of the woods yet…but we're getting there. I think I may have just added a bit more trauma onto Kili though…I feel like I really am tearing this poor dwarf apart lol. The things I do to the characters I love.
Anyway, we're checking in on Fili next. Think its about time he joins up with the family. Might be a few days, but I will try to post another chapter sometime by the end of the week. Hang in there, the storm is passing. Love you guyyysss.