Homer the Whopper Comic book Guy writes a comic called EveryMan. An everyday fat slob who had the power to absorb every super power from other heroes. A Gary Stu basically.
Homer is then picked to play the role of Everyman. But he must slim down. Que yet another episode about Homer failing to diet...
Plot
The title gag is a three eyed crow/raven.
The billboard gag is Dr Nick saying "if I kill you, you don't pay!"
The chalkboard gag is "The class hamster is not just sleeping."
The Simpsons get on a subway train the couch is in. The sit down on the couch and the subway train closes its doors and drives off.
The episode starts with Comic Book Guy reading a comic alone in his store. Bart is peaking through the door windows.
"Ugh... Bart I can see you..." said Comic Book Guy.
Bart is outside talking to Milhouse. "Hey Milhouse! Watch me make a loser lose it!" said Bart.
Bart went in the Androids Dungeon.
"Ugh! Customers... Whoopee..." said Comic Book Guy.
"Didn't you learn anything?" said Milo the owner of Coolsville. He had a bigger line of kids outside his store.
"You are not being a reoccurring character!" said Comic Book Guy. Eh yes he is because I like him.
"Any way where was I..." said Bart. "Ah yes. I just heard Spider Man used to be in a comic before he was in movies. How is this possible?" Bart was being deliberately ignorant of Spider Man to annoy Comic Book Guy.
Comic book guy shook his head and made a frustrated bluster. "Are you for real? Suffering Steve Ditko! How can you not know Spider-Man was a comic book?" said Comic Book Guy. He took out an old Spider Man comic. "Spider Man's first appearance was in 1962's amazing fantasy issue 157!"
"Uh I wasn't even alive back then..." said Bart.
"Fine! Then you must remember the Marvel Power Hour on Saturday Mornings!" He showed a DVD of the 90s Spider Man cartoon.
"Oh! Twelve cents! I'll take eight!" said Bart.
"You idiot! Mint condition copies are like worth $40,000 each!" Comic book Guy yelled. "I need to go and lie down on some unsold Hulk hands..." said Comic Book Guy going into the back room where he of course lied down on some Hulk hands. "Hulk Smash! Hulk Smash! Hulk Smash!" said the hands.
"Oh why did I put batteries in them..." Comic Book Guy sighed.
"Hey at least Bart didn't eat the Spider Man Comic like Homer did in Homer vs Dignity!" said Oscar.
"Why would you do that?! Even Comic Book Guy doesn't deserve that!" Bart gasped.
"I dunno maybe he was hungry?" said Oscar.
At the Simpsons house in the lounge. Homer was sat on the couch watching TV. "Mmmmmm... Marvel..." said Homer.
"Anyway I'm here to return this single of the B52's Hulk Smash." said Oscar.
"No refunds! The B52s are my favourite band! They sung Rock Lobster!" said Comic Book Guy from the back room.
"Hey! Comic Book Guy left this comic on his till." said Bart picking up a comic that hadn't been coloured in yet. Yes I know some comics are in black and white...
"Everyman..." Milhouse read the comic with Bart.
"Yeah while you read that I'm going to eat the extremely rare Spider Man comic Comic Book Guy left on his till." said Oscar.
"No you are not." said Comic Book Guy snatching the Spider Man Comic and returning to his back room to read it or put it in more Nylon PET bags to keep it in mint condition.
"Anyway before Oscar rudely interrupted I was saying... (Oscar frowns at Milhouse.) Every Man... a hero that's not by Marvel, DC, Image or Wildstorm." said Milhouse reading the comic.
"Or the Beano or the Dandy!" said Oscar.
"Oscar we're talking about American Super Hero comics... not Funny British ones that are just the comedies of the comic book world..." said Bart. "Now zip it so we can imagine the comic book coming to life..."
Oscar was quiet for now as Bart and Milhouse read the Everyman comic.
"It was an average day for delivery man Joe Avery when..." Milhouse read.
The comic starts with a frightened lady calling for the police. "Help! Bank robbers!" She cried.
"Shut yer yap!" said a bank robber firing his machine gun into the air dislodging bits of ceiling tile and insulation.
Joe Avery saw this happening and was scared. "Time for this average Joe t disappear!" He ran away.
"Ha! Look at that fat guy! Beatin' it like an egg!" said the bank robber.
"Yeah! He's scrambling it like an egg!" said the other bank robber.
"Ha! Egg!" said the first.
"Egg..." said the other.
Yeah the dialogue is really that bad...
Joe Avery was hiding round a corner. "Laugh while you can!" said Joe. "For Everyman has the power to absorb the powers of every super hero of any comic he touches!"
"In other words he is a Gary Stu..." said Oscar.
"Oscar I told you to zip it!" said Bart.
Joe Avery changed into his super hero outfit the Everyman. A Gary Stu that steals other super powers and whose only natural super power is to be as fat as the Blob from X Men...
"And no snarky comments in the narration..." said Bart.
Oscar sighed.
Everyman came across some boys reading comics. "Power absorbing powers activate!" said Everyman absorbing Iron Man's powers. He put on an armoured suit. Uh Comic Book Guy even you should know Tony Stark is helpless with out his armoured suit and he has an artificial heart...
"That catchphrase sucked. He should have said something like It's morphin' time! Or Go Go Gadget Helicopter!" said Oscar.
"Oz shut up!" Bart yelled.
Everyman with Iron Man's suit flew to the bank. The bank robbers try to shoot him but their bullets bounce off of his armour. He laughs.
"Ah! Jail me in Sing Sing! It's safer there!" A bank robber immediately surrendered. But his partner ran away.
Everyman absorbed powers from a Plastic Man comic and stretched himself like rubber.
"Cooooool! StretchDude!" said Bart. Milhouse frowned. "Sorry Milhouse."
Everyman stretches his leg and forms a cage around the bank robber with his foot. "Going somewhere?"
The cops arrested the robbers.
"Everyman will be there all the time to solve every crime! For I am Everyman!" said Everyman.
"Put my comic down!" Comic Book Guy yelled snatching the comic book.
"You made this?" Bart asked.
"Shut up! No one is interested in the critical judgment of a worthless child!" said Comic Book Guy.
"Actually I liked it." said Bart.
"You what?!" said Comic Book Guy.
"Everyman was awesome!" said Bart.
"Reading it helped me escape my troubles! And now they're back in spades..." said Milhouse.
"Well I hated it! Do you not know what a Gary Stu is Comic Book Guy?" Oscar explained.
"Of course I do! And Everyman is not a Gary Stu!" Comic Book Guy said annoyed.
"Don't worry about him Comic Book Guy... yeah Oz I'm sure you can write better comics about cartoon clowns with big shiny noses and diapers and shiny nosed teddy bears..." said Bart.
"At least I don't use Gary Stus..." said Oscar.
Bart frowned at him.
"And so what if I am obsessed with cartoon bear cubs with big, wet, shiny noses..." Oscar frowned.
"And the screaming leprechauns..." Milhouse added.
"And those too..." said Oscar.
"Have you actually showed this to anyone?" Bart asked Comic Book Guy.
"Absolutely not!" said Comic Book Guy. "If a single copy were to get out I would be ridiculed by the online community! SonofsonofSpock! TheDorkKnight! And Ikilledkenny6475!" said Comic Book Guy listing usernames.
"You bastard!" said Kyle from South Park.
"Kyle why are you here?!" Bart asked.
"I can't help it! Someone says something about killing Kenny I have to respond with my catchphrase!" said Kyle.
Milhouse winced exasperated.
"Oh don't worry about them Comic Book Guy. They're just lame-os like yourself!" said Bart.
"Two of them is me!" said Milhouse.
"I'm the Iklledkenny6475 one!" said Kyle.
"No one cares Kyle..." Bart sighed.
"Very well! I shall self publish!" said Comic Book Guy.
"How many of these have you wrote?" Bart asked.
"Oh just 335 issues. Including a controversial one featuring the death of Marmaduke..." said Comic Book Guy.
"Uh yeah... that might be a problem. You can't use characters that don't belong to you..." said Bart.
"Feh!" said Comic Book Guy.
"Anyhoo, It feels like I haven't been in here in ages." said Bart.
"What do you mean ages?! You come here every week to buy a comic!" said Milhouse half yelling.
Bart frowned at him.
...
At school Bart and his friends were reading comics.
"Wow! These are awesome! Who knew someone so troubled be so talented?" said Jimbo reading an Everyman comic.
"How comes you were allowed to sell Angry Dad and Everyman in school but when you sold the Pearl you got in trouble with Skinner all because Willie got beaten up?" Oscar asked.
"Because Willie got beaten up! As long as Bart's comic doesn't cause trouble I see no reason he can't sell it." said Skinner.
"Actually I'm helping Comic Book Guy get his comic noticed." said Bart. "And Jimbo's right. Who knew someone so troubled was so talented..."
"The river runs deep..." said Nelson spray painting a Picasso on a wall.
Then Jack Crowley painted a lovely mural before settling fire to it and laughing madly.
Oscar winced.
Milhouse and Bart laid on the grass as they each read a copy of the Everyman comic.
Richard, Bart's other friend that Matt keeps forgetting about... extracted a piece of sugar-laden, grape flavoured gum from its wrapper and popped it in his mouth and chewed. He stood their in his fancy clothes his Mom probably bought at Wee Monsieurs, the geeky clothes outlet.
Lewis walked about engrossed in his copy of the Everyman comic.
"I traded my duckie inner tube for an Everyman comic." said Ralph.
Bart winced wondering why he accepted a babyish pool flotation toy instead of money.
"I don't normally care but... I wonder where Lisa is..." said Bart.
"Well, perhaps she's off picking flowers, or going on a nature hike," said Milhouse reading his copy of the Everyman comic.
Bart gawked at him. "Milhouse, Lisa doesn't pick flowers. She hates people who do. She thinks we're murdering the flowers..."
Milhouse winced.
Suddenly, Radioactive Man arrived. Bart gawked baffled. "Hey! Don't forget about your old Hero! Radioactive Man!"
The Pearl leapt out from the school swimming pool. "Or me, The Pearl! That would be shellfish! Gahahaha!"
Bart sighed. "Guys I am helping Comic Book Guy get his comic book out there and famous..."
Radioactive Man reads Everyman. "Everyman?"
"I wouldn't worry about the hero RM. He's just a lame Gary Stu..." said Oscar.
Bart scowled at Oscar.
A musical montage starts with Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik playing as Bart and Lisa Help Comic Book Guy deliver his Everyman comic books into a truck from a photocopiers store. Then Matt Groening delivers them to various comic book stores throughout Springfield, Shelbyville, Ogdenville etc.
First they arrive at the Mylar Baggins. A fantasy, Lord of the Rings style store.
Oscar as a hobbit is breastfeeding a Bilbo Baggins Doll.
The nerds at that store gawked at him freaked out.
Bart winced grossed out at Oscar.
Then at Shelbyville the Everyman comics arrive at Odin's, Shelbyville's resident comic store. Inside Shelby and his friends are reading the Everyman comics.
Bart was delivering the comics while dressed as Bartman. Um Odin's was hosting a sulerhero cosplay day.
"Look everybody!" It's the Dork Knight!" Shelby teased Bart.
The Shelbyville kids laugh rudely.
Bart sighed.
Then Everyman comics are unpacked at the Maltese Vulcan. A comic book store run by Trekkies for Trekkies as the owner is dressed as Spock. And the kids there are also dressed as Star Trek characters.
Oscar screamed in anguish. "Aaaaaaagh! Trekkies! It buuuuuurns!"
Bart winced at him.
Then the Everyman comics are being put on display at Coolsville by Milo. The vast majority of Springfield kids now loyal to him are reading Everyman in his comic book store as Mozart is still playing over the montage.
"Bart why are you helping out that mean old grouch across the street..." Richard sighed as he waited in line at Coolsville.
Bart sighed.
Comic Book Guy was at the front windows of Android's Dungeon glaring at the rival comic book store.
"Goggles here is right. This Everyman is a real Gary Stu, Bart..." Milo sighed reading the comic and Adressing Oscar, who wears green goggles to pull back his overgrown Troll doll hair.
Bart grunted annoyed as for some bizarre reason he wants to help Comic book guy this episode.
Plot 2
In a business meeting at a film studio the people were debating the next movie about something thy wanted to make.
"Okay I need ideas for a movie." asked the CEO.
"Come on people! Anything!" He yelled as he took a drag from his cigar.
"Extension cords!"
"Mixed nuts!"
"Car keys!" They made stupid suggestions.
"It's no use... we've made movies about everything conceivable!" said the CEO.
The CEO's son walked in.
"Dad! I'm bored! I've watched all the DVDs in the car..." said the boy holding an Everyman comic.
And not just any car! A Bentley! Ooooooh!
"Jonah what's that you got there?" The CEO asked his son.
"Oh what a big surprise! Something you don't know about! It's Everyman! Only the greatest super hero ever!" said Jonah.
"What's his super powers?" The CEO asked.
"All of them!" said Jonah.
"That's it! We will make a movie about Everyman!" said the CEO.
"Uh Marv, Ginormous Pictures bought the rights to that movie three weeks ago..." said his assistant.
"D'oh!" The CEO groaned.
At Ginormous Pictures Corp.
"This is gonna be a swell project, if Comic Book Guy takes our advice." said some guy with strawberry blond hair and a moustache.
"And if he doesn't?" asked a fellow board member.
"Then this film will bomb worse than the Director's cut of Superman II." said the blond guy.
"What happened to the last comic book movie writing studio that went to Springfield? You know, when they helped shoot Radioactive Man?" asked a board member.
"Mayor Quimby is still chasing them up for debts they left town with." said blond moustache guy.
The executives from that time the Radioactive Man movie was filmed in Springfield were fleeing on a handcar and pulling the teeter totter up and down to power the handcar.
"Jerry, I think we've lost that crazed Mayor... we can stop now..." said the brown haired executive.
...
At the Androids Dungeon some workers from Ginormous Pictures were discussing creating Everyman the movie with Comic book Guy.
He was aware of how terrible their last movie was.
"We at Ginormous Pictures are incredible fans And think everyman would make a fantastic movie." said the executives of GP.
"Oh like you thought Stratego would be a good movie? I find it hard to believe a red scout would marry a blue general..." said Comic Book Guy.
"Hey! That wasn't our fault! Brett Ratner had the choice of final cut!" said a lady working for Ginormous Images.
"I am aware of who got what cut..." said Comic Book Guy. "And speaking of fantasic. Seriously!? A black Human Torch?!"
"Yeah so? Racist, much?" said the Executive lady.
Comic Book Guy frowned at them.
"Now I only want one thing. I don't want money or women... I know they're impossible to get... I want. To chose the actor who plays Everyman!
"Absolutely no way!" said the beaded man working for Ginormous Pictures.
"Thank you." said Comic Book Guy sarcastically as he ordered them to leave his store.
"But!" They protested.
"Thank you."
"But they'll laugh us out of Hollywood!" The Ginormous Pictures people protested.
"Thank you."
"Fine! You get to chose the actor who plays Everyman..." said the woman.
"Thank you," Said Comic Book Guy politely and looking smug.
The people left his store. "Ah! Playing hard ball with Hollywood! The first sport I've done in years!"
He then got a Gamebiy and played it.
The Executives sighed as they got in their limo.
"This is gonna flop..." the blond moustache Executive sighed.
They drove off, passing Graggle who was walking down the street naked!
Comic Book Guy continued to play his Gameboy, looking more and more frustrated by whatever game he was playing by the second.
Comic Book Guy sighed.
...
Bart's bedroom. Bart was playing League of Legends.
He sighed as Ralph had gone off somewhere alone.
"Ralph no! Why are you trying to solo the Baron?!" Bart groaned over his microphone based chat.
"Butters once did the same thing..." Cartman sighed.
"Hey this is a private server, blob..." Bart quipped.
"Eh!" Cartman yelled.
Bart sighed as Milhouse lagged.
"Milhouse get a better internet connection..."
"Mom won't upgrade! She's saving money for something..." said Milhouse cutting out from lag.
In the Androids dungeon Comic Book Guy was holding auditions for the role of Everyman. Krusty was up on stage auditioning.
"Wherever there is a crime to solve, I will be there to solve it! For I am- Well there's more but my fax machine ran out of ink so I can't read it." said Krusty. "Does anyone have any ink cartridges for an Amiga fax machine?"
"Thank you that was great." said the lady working for Ginormous Pictures.
"Are you sure? You don't want to see me me do it any other way? Like sad? Or Brooklyn? Or Richard Nixon?" said Krusty folding his green hair back.
"Uh no thank you." said the lady.
"Awwwwwww! I spent all my money on a yacht that you were gonna give me if I got the part!" Krusty cried and ran off.
"Comic Book Guy you can't keep turning down auditions! That's three you've turned down now!" said the lady working for Ginormous Pictures.
"How many times must I tell you, you latte sipping leeches!? I'm sick of looking at these Hollywood super hunks! We need a dumpy, unappealing loser!" said Comic Book Guy.
Homer came in. "Hello. I need change for a dollar. Also I need a dollar." said Homer.
"You sir are acceptable!" said Comic Book Guy.
"Great... Do you want to see me naked?" Homer asked.
"Uh there's no nudity in this movie..." said a lady working for Ginormous Pictures.
Graggle whined.
"A what now?" Homer asked.
The blond moustache guy face palmed.
...
At dinner Homer had great news. But he asked everyone around the table for their news first. "Let's go round the table and everyone say one amazing thing that happened to them today!" said Homer. "Lisa?"
"Well I qualified for the math bee-" said Lisa but Homer rudely interrupted.
"Great... next! Marge?" Homer asked.
"Guess who they made president of the garden club?" Marge asked,
"Backyard club... ya Yank..." said Oscar correcting her.
"You? Oh that's wonderful darling!" said Homer.
"Uh no. I lost..." said Marge.
"Oh they can go straight to hell!" said Homer. "Bart?"
"Dr Hibbert says my thyroid isn't producing enough-" Bart whined upset.
"Brilliant! Maggie?" Homer asked.
Maggie sucked her pacifier.
"Suck suck? That's fascinating Maggie!" said Homer.
Bart and Lisa frowned at Homer because he cut them off in mid explanation.
"Homer! You forgot Hugo!" Marge explained.
"Ugh! Fine... What amazing thing did you do today Freaky..." Homer sighed as he asked Hugo.
"I made atomic super men!" said Hugo dressed as a scientist.
"See Marge? This why I don't include him in family discussions..." Homer groaned.
Marge sighed.
"With octagonal bodies?" Oscar asked Hugo.
"Uh no..." said Hugo.
"Well, some thing amazing happened to me today! I got the part of Everyman!" said Homer.
The family chattered fascinated. "That's wonderful Homer!" said Marge.
Bart winced and looked at his Everyman comic. Well it makes sense. Joe Averyman is extremelu fat...
In the Everyman comic Joe Averyman was scarfing down donuts.
Back in reality, the Simpsons are eating dinner.
Teddy, Oscar's pet living teddy bear creature climbs up at the table.
"Hey, buddy!" Teddy greeted his master.
"Get that animal down from the table!" Homer yelled.
...
However Homer had to attend a meeting with the film crew.
"We have a problem Homer." said a lady film crew member.
"Fine... I'll give back the Oscar's I stole from the lobby... And Oscar who lives with us and screws up canon with his Hugo obsession..." said Homer pulling Oscar out of his backpack by the scruff of his sweater.
"Hi!" said Oscar.
"Quiet you!" said Homer. "And do you want this golden globe back?"
"No. No no no! But we have a big problem." said the lady film crew member not wanting the golden globe back.
"Homer, my brother and I showed you as Everyman to a cross section of people! Not one of them thought you were a superhero!" said another film crew member.
"Several people afterwards stared at the sun attempting to blind themselves! Against all animal instincts!" said another film crew member.
"Hey! I'm not that ugly!" Homer yelled.
"Well that last bit your son Bart paid us to say. But it comes from a place close to your heart... you need to get in shape..." said a crew member.
"But I'm a yo-yo dieter! Yo hotdog man! Yo peanuts!" said Homer calling for snacks. "What? Why is no one laughing?" Homer asked.
"I can Help Homer." said a man.
"Lyle McCarthy?! Finally an answer to my problems..." said Homer. "Uh what do you do?"
"He's a personal trainer to the stars." said a film crew member.
"This is Brad Pitt and Angelina before I got them in shape." said Lyle. He had a picture of their faces photoshopped onto comically fat motorcycle riders.
"They look great with a bit of meat on their bones!" said Homer.
"Uh Lyle they never looked that bad! That's been crudely photoshopped!" said Oscar. "You should be careful! They could sue you for libel for making things up about them!"
"Oh! Do you have to ruin every joke?! That was a joke right about Angelina being mega fat? Because I'm sure Ms Jolie was never that fat..." said Homer.
"Yes if people are clearly making things up..." said Oscar.
"Homer I can change your life, just take my hand and say goodbye to fat Homer." said Lyle.
"Goodbye Fat Homer!" said Homer.
"See ya old pal!" said Moo moo wearing morbidly obese Homer.
Oscar giggled.
"Won't Comic Book Guy be mad?" said the male film crew member.
"Eh he's gone Hollywood..." said a female film crew member.
"As if!" said Comic Book Guy came in wearing fancy new clothes and jewels and a fur coat he had ladies to take off for him. "I told you, I want a fat, dumpy loser to play Everyman! What are you doing to my movie?!"
"But Comic Book Guy! Everyone hates it! Several people even attempted to blind themselves staring at the sun!" said a film crew member.
"The sun!" said another film crew member.
"I don't care! Get this personal trainer out of here! And away from my Everyman!" said Comic Book Guy. "And you are all fired! I'll write the movie myself!" He stormed off.
"The film crew members sighed. "We better empty our offices..." said a crew member because they had been fired.
...
Homer was acting as Everyman at a film studio. He had just done a scene.
"Well I think that's the last we'll see of the purple pariah. Thanks Everyman!" said the mayor.
Homer as Everyman had a black quiff. "Don't thank me! Thank Captain America for giving me the patriotism to want to save the president's life! And Wonder Woman for giving me boobs to distract the guards..." said Homer. Suddenly his costume split and his fat belly rolled out. "Oops!"
Everyone watching the demo scene screamed in horror and ran away and stared at the sun until they went blind.
"My eyes! My eyes!" Oscar screamed in agony from seeing Homer's flab.
"Hey! Cut that out! I'm not ugly!" said Homer.
"Ugh... See what I mean Comic Book Guy..." a film crew member sighed.
"Do not question me! I am the director!" said Comic Book Guy. "And why is Homer wearing a black wig?! Everyman wears a skin tight mask over his head!"
"But the quiff looks more heroic!" said a film crew member.
"Do not question me!" Comic Book Guy yelled. "And Homer. Try to be a more fat, pathetic loser..." said Comic Book Guy.
"Hey! Leave our Dad alone!" Bart yelled.
"Kids on a film set?! Such unprofessional behaviour! Get them out of here!" Comic Book Guy yelled.
Bart left the set in a huff.
"And take five!" said Comic Book Guy directing.
Plot 3
At home the Simpsons kids and Marge were having lunch.
"I can't believe Comic Book Guy could be so rude!" said Bart.
"Really? After years of shopping at his comic book store?" said Oscar.
"I think he needs another heart attack. One that kills him this time. Maybe I should get some voodoo dolls..." said Bart.
"No voodoo dolls! And no striking heart attacks upon people!" Marge told him off.
Bart rolled his eyes.
...
That night Homer fell on the bed to go to sleep. The mattress sagged under him. Marge sighed.
"I've never heard of a fat super hero. Maybe the Blob from X Men but he was a villain..." said Homer.
"Hmmmm! Comic Book Guy is doing something with his movie..." Marge sighed. "You did know Bart stood up for you today. Even though he usually doesn't. This is an honest and caring place from him..."
"Yeah, yeah... night Marge..." said Homer.
Marge sighed.
...
Homer as Everyman was performing a scene on the roof of a building while a helicopter shot at him. It was just special effects or blanks. Homer threw a spanner/monkey wrench at the helicopter and it blew up.
"And cut! Well done Homer!" said a crew member with a beard. "Bring in the next helicopter."
Another helicopter arrived from a waiting squadron.
"I certainly hope no one was in those..." said Homer feeling worried.
"They're just drones Homer." said the film crew member. He sniffed because he smelt something. "I smell Oscar!" The camera pans out to show Oscar Tamaki mopping the set. "Oscar... take a shower or a tomato bath or something please!" Oscar had sweat patches on his armpits.
"That's it! I can't work under these conditions! I quit!" Oscar yelled throwing down his mop and storming off.
"I just said you stink a little..." said the film crew member.
"I've been sweating all day! And there's a way you say it!" Oscar yelled walking off.
"Wow! This is great! My own office! My bosses are nice... I get to take home all sorts of cool stuff. I even get to have my friends on set as extras..." said Homer. Lenny was under a big paper mache boulder.
"At least you can see my face. Unlike Carl!" said Lenny.
Carl was eaten head first by a fake shark. "They ate me! A mother fucking shark ate me!" said Carl.
"Carl stop doing Samuel L Jackson impressions..." Homer sighed.
It was lunch time. Homer was tempted by the plate of cheese cubes.
"Oh! Cheddar! Mmmmmmm! Stilton!" Homer ate the cheese cubes. Slowly then he greedily devoured them.
The film crew stared at him.
"Stop looking at me!" He cried. He ate some cheese. "You there, keep looking at me. Homer continued eating the cheese cubes.
"Yes Homer! That's it! Eat the cheese cubes! Eat them like the loveable fat loser you are!" said Comic Book Guy.
"No! You don't have any faith in me to better myself! And I resent being called a fat loser!" Homer whined.
"Homer. I'm sorry. It's just that I am fed up with all these airbrushed Hollywood hunks starring in Super Hero movies. I want a super Hero movie that tubby guys like myself can enjoy. To show even us overweight people can be super heroes!" said Comic Book Guy.
"Okay but why does everyone commit suicide or stare at the sun?" Homer asked.
There was a crowd of anguished people in the streets staring up at the sun to blind themselves from seeing Homer's fat body.
"Ignore those fools! They know nothing about a great super hero movie! Super Heroes can be all shapes and sizes! Why not fat?" said Comic Book Guy.
"Yeah! I'm tired of keeping my size to other's standards of beauty! From now on I am gonna be a big fat winner!" said Homer.
"Yes Homer! That's it!" said Comic Book Guy.
...
At school Oscar was doing lines. His 100 lines on the chalkboard are: "Cannibalism is not a career choice."
"And then I ate his liver with favs beans and a nice chianti... Ftftftftftsssss!" said Oscar doing Hannibal Lecter impressions.
Ace grimaced feeling uncomfortable.
He skateboards home to the Simpsons whistling the theme tune.
When he gets there, the film crew member who was rude to him, )A camera man named Oscar in canon...) was there with flowers.
"I'm sorry..." the director apologised.
Oscar furiously slammed the door on him.
"Uh it was me he said needed a shower." said Oscar the camera man.
"It's funny because you're called Oscar..." Oscar Tamaki chuckled.
...
At home Bart and Oscar were watching the news. Kent Brockman was talking about Everyman.
"Springfield is still reacting negatively to the heavily panned Everyman movie by stubborn film director Comic Book Guy. Who until now has never wrote a movie!" said Kent.
"I want to write a film where the average fat guy like myself becomes a superhero!" said Comic Book Guy. "Now get out of my shop and good day!" The cameras went off.
"And those were the only words we could get from a director who fired his entire crew for disagreeing with him!" said Kent. "Critics have panned this film with such delightful nicknames such as Sideshow Blob. The inhuman Lard Bucket, and Bart's Dad, Haw! Haw!"
Bart rolled his eyes and put cartoons on.
But it was a rude Itchy and Scratchy poking fun at his dad's weight. There was a fat Everyman holding a sign saying "bring back Poochy!"
"Hey look Scratchy! It's that fat loser in that new Super hero movie!" said Itchy.
"Yeah he's so fat! Why would you proud to be related to him?" said Scratchy.
"I'm gonna making him so fat he'll pop like a balloon!" said Itchy.
He stuck a hose attached to a helium tank into Homer's mouth and inflated him until he was a big fat balloon floating in midair.
"Mmmmmmm! Inflation..." said Scratchy. He has an inflation fetish.
Itchy fired a flaming arrow at Homer and he exploded and his guts rained down on the cartoon animal folk.
Bart angrily switched off the cartoon.
Oscar came in.
"Whatever happened to that Radioactive Man movie Milhouse was in that they wrote?" said Oscar.
"Oh they got behind with their payments to the mayor for use of the town's locations to record a movie so they were chased out of town." said Bart. "At least they weren't moronically stubborn and thought it was a good idea to hire an out of shape guy to play Radioactive Man and never ask him to get in shape. I'm starting to think you're right Oz. I should never have helped Comic Book Guy publish his comic... he's just so stubborn! And now Dad is getting torn to shreds in the press!"
"Ha! I'm right for once! I'm right! I'm right! I'm right!" Oscar sang dancing about.
"Yeah enjoy it while it lasts Oz..." said Bart.
...
Homer was doing a scene where Everyman's alter ego Joe Avery was at a dinner party talking to a lady who was admiring Everyman's heroic deeds. Homer kept eating canapés from the waiters.
"Oh Everyman is so heroic! I can't believe you've never met him Joe..." said the lady as Homer ate.
"Well, I'm not Every Man." Homer quipped and winked at the camera. He continued eating but his dinner suit ripped open and his belly wearing the Everyman costume spilled.
"Cut this film is a disaster!" said the bearded guy who insulted Oscar's hygiene.
"Shut up!" Comic Book Guy yelled. "What a surprise! Everyman was Joe Avery all along!"
"That's it! I quit!" The moustache guy stormed off. "I can't work with this stubborn moron!"
"Yeah! You obviously have no experience in creating movies!" The bearded guy stormed off.
"This movie is a disaster Comic Book Guy! The star is over weight... we're massively over budget. And the Grasshopper Raptor Frink created for us is out of control!" said a spiky black haired guy.
A grasshopper T rex mutant was sniffing the director. Then it roared and ate him in one bite before coughing up his chair.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"It wouldn't be an episode without a man eating dinosaur in it would it Oz..." Bart sighed.
...
The next scene was the last straw for the film crew who had utter faith in the movie.
"And action!" said moustache guy despite quitting. The set was empty. "Action! Homer that means you! Get in here!"
Bearded guy appeared. "Bro we have a problem..."
"Homer won't get out of his trailer?" Moustache guy asked.
"He can't get out of his trailer..." said bearded guy.
Homer was being cut out of the trailer door he was stuck in by an angle grinder.
"Oh! By Galactus! This is so humiliating!" said Comic Book Guy.
"Well maybe you shouldn't have been so stubborn and not ruined your own movie!" said a big tough black guy.
"Hey, I'm the creator of this movie! I have the right to say my piece!" said Comic Book Guy.
"Not anymore! You're fired!" said the tough black guy.
"Very well. Vulcan death grip!" He tried to do a Vulcan shoulder nerve pinch on him.
"Ponytail grab wedgie!" said the tough black guy. He grabbed Comic Book Guy by his ponytail and pants and threw him in a dumpster with other directors who screwed up Ginormous Pictures movies with their stubbornness. Unfortunately there were no Clownjas in the dumpster.
"Oz..." Bart sighed.
"All I did was have faith in George Clooney!" A director whined.
A Clownja popped out of the crowd of directors filling the dumpster and looked about them confused.
Then the Bear from Bedknobs and Broomsticks was carrying George Banks/Emelius Brown out by his collar and trousers.
"What did I do?" asked George Banks as he was thrown in the dumpster.
"Oz..." Bart whined.
...
It was the night of the premiere of Everyman. It was shown at the Aztec theatre in town.
Homer took his seat. "Here you go pal." He gave the Lizard from Spider Man some popcorn along the way. The Lizard started eating the popcorn.
Oscar laughed.
"Oz..." Bart whined.
"That one wasn't me. They actually added the Lizard..." said Oscar.
"Yeah but it encourages you..." said Bart.
The movie started Homer as Everyman was hiding or at least trying to from the Lizard! Hehehe!
"Oh come on! I get more of a challenge fighting Spider Man!" said Lizard.
He fired a laser at Homer's hiding place. It missed fortunately but a fat Everyman stumbled out wheezing and exhausted.
"How is a tub of lard like that supposed to solve crimes!? I'm outta here!" said Lenny storming out.
"Me too." said Carl following him.
The Ginormous Pictures staff were dismayed that everyone was walking out because they hated the movie.
"Well, we're screwed..." said the moustache man.
"I warned you! I warned you!" A grey haired lady with glasses and short spiked grey hair cried.
...
In the cinema lobby Oscar was laughing at an Alvin and the chipmunks get rabies poster.
"Yeah like I got Rabies..." Simon Woosterfield sighed annoyed.
Bart rolled his eyes.
Oscar screamed with laughter. "The Wild Thornberries are cannibals!" He laughed as the Wild Dingleberries poster was Eliza and her family eating a zebra savagely.
"How are they cannibals if they're eating a zebra?! Doesn't cannibalism mean man eating?" said Bart.
"Your town has weird tastes in movies..." said Simon.
Oscar was laughing at the Welcome back, Potter, Harry Potter poster, because Harry was depicted as an old man on it.
Bart sighed.
...
Comic Book Guy was voted out of his own movie and given the original version that he ruined by insisting Everyman be fat and out of shape. The film crew hired The fitness guy from earlier who apparently trained Sea Biscuit. Yes Sea biscuit... a horse... To get Homer in shape and rewrite the movie properly.
At home.
The celebrity trainer was in the kitchen with Homer.
"Homer do you know why you eat?" He asked Homer.
"Because I'm swallowing my frustrations and disappointments?" Homer asked. "Mostly it's about work and the boy... oh and the other boy..."
"Something bad happens to you and you cope by cramming donuts in your mouth!" said the personal trainer for the stars.
"Yeah well sometimes, you don't always have time to- (Censor beep)" said Homer but whatever he said was so shocking and rude it was censored with a beeping sound.
"Homer! Watch your mouth!" Marge said sharply.
Homer looked at his feet like a naughty child. "Yes ma'am..."
Still at the movie theatre...
Oscar was still looking at the movie posters.
"Hey Hugey, there's pigeon-rats in Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs..." said Oscar.
Hugo grimaced.
His pigeon-rat fluttered trying to fly away.