This is a is it wrong to pick up girls in a dungeon fanfiction only.

Please attempt to remain civil in the reviews.

For as long as I can remember I have been with my family and friends, always a warrior, always in conflict but it was something I did to protect those I cared about, little did I know that it appears one of my relatives did find such rosy feeling to be mutual.

I have been called many times to help the mortals in some rather unorthodox ways, then again, my birth is not exactly what you call normal even among those in our pantheon, I mean who is going to ever believe that Odin would downright have an affair with a giant and what is even less believable is that his wife would welcome me.

I am a mother would call it, rather puny for a giant, she used to tell me that made me more adorable, I swear she did that to embarrass me any chance she got, and she did it most of my childhood, as I grew up with giants, I learned many things, the common languages of monsters oddly enough was one of such things.

In my many travels out of Asgard I helped many mortals, but there is something I also did, I met with other gods from other pantheons, the least friendly of these was a man named Zeus, is it my fault his thunderbolt is a downgraded version of what I can do? Aphrodite keeps bugging me about when will I finally allow myself to fall in love.

Not ever soon, since my last lover was a human and that human didn't live that long, well not long compared to how we live, sixty measly years, that is all, she died of old age, that is old? I have lived for hundreds, if not more, as I buried her, I swore never again to fall in love with a mortal, never again to form a relationship with one, for the pain of their loss, I can still feel it, even decades later after they died.

I did have many friends in the Greek pantheon, for the life of me, I swear that when people talk about Hephaestus, they always tell me he is a large, muscular, disfigured man, boy, they got that wrong, must be the name, she is really strong, but she has a beautiful red hair, a rather lovely figure, and the only thing is she lost an eye due to an accident in her forge when she was young.

We have blacksmiths, and even one is a member of our pantheon, but whenever my war hammer needed repair I always took it to my friend, I can't stand the fact that Loki keeps telling everyone that listens that the only reason I do this is so that I can shamelessly flirt with a Greek goddess.

Speaking of things people get wrong, Loki is not a guy, not that you could tell, she is my dear little sister, and for some odd reason she can't compare to my favorite blacksmith in several areas, my friend is nice, friendly and polite, my sister is rude, loud, selfish, and what mortals call a tomboy.

I do love my sister never mind her many shortcomings, but then again we are family. I know mother often tells me to keep my guard up, my adoptive mother, my actual mother died quite a long time ago, Hera became my adoptive mother and would you know it, she too teases the living daylights out of me, she keeps telling me when can she meet my goddess lover, and how happy she is I am not dating a mortal again.

Mortals worship us, for crying out loud, their worship is the source of most of our power, and she would say something like that? I swear if they ever get wind of what she said, they would burn down her temples and stop praying to her altogether, then again their prayers and offerings have become less and less.

One day I went to get my trusty war hammer and wouldn't you know it, some thief stole it, Mjolnir is more than a simple weapon to me, it is the conduit with which I used my power, I can't even maintain my power as a god, without it I can only use lightning through my body and that is limited.

I can not be in my actual godly form without it, time does not affect my body, and sometimes I feel like my trusty weapon is a limiter because gods never change, but without it, I am a mere ageless mortal, I can't perform my duties like this, the odd thing is that my sister Loki also went missing when my hammer was stolen.

Some said that Loki was the one to steal it, that can't be true, my sister would never do something like that, she can be rather mean, but she is still my little sister, more than likely she spotted the thief and is trying to get my war hammer back for me. I can't remain in Asgard so the only alternative is to go an visit, my good friend.

As I entered I saw every member of her pantheon had gathered to talk about something, it must be something important, even in my mortal form, I could feel the tension in the air, "Hephaestus what seems to trouble thy kin? I could sense the discord even as I entered this realm." She looked at me and glared at me, she must really be upset for her to do that.

"Just who are you to talk to me in such a familiar tone? Don't you have any manners when addressing a goddess?" What? My friend does not recognize me? I mean for crying out loud what do mortals call us, friends with benefits? That never made any sense to me, she does not recognize the man whom she spent so many evenings with?

"Thy words are a bitter poison, that I was not expecting from thee, it is I, Thor, the man who spent many an eve with thee, how cold is thy heart to welcome the man whom you proclaimed your love in such a manner."

She looked at me and then she began to look around, she grabbed me and pulled me to somewhere more private, "Speak, how do you know Thor and I spent any time alone in such a manner? Reveal a secret that one we would know."

This is getting ridiculous, here I am looking for the thief that stole my war hammer, and my friend, my occasional lover, does this? I know I don't look like I usually do, but this? Here I was thinking that losing my war hammer was the most tragic thing to happen to me and now this? What is next? People will forget all about me and stop their worship? My temples put to the torch? Even that is not as hurtful as this.

"You want a secret only we know, fine, if I am to be considered a mortal might as well speak as one, a secret, how about you were the only woman that has ever touched my war hammer, no that is too obvious since you are a blacksmith, how about the heart-shaped birthmark on your upper left buttocks? Or the fact that you actually trim your pubic hair?"

"How many times did I let you use my hammer to fix the weapons of your pantheon? Or how many times did we lay in your bed, after a night together to hear you say things like, it is no wonder you are a thunder god, you sure cause plenty of spark in my life?"

She finally stopped glaring at me, she gave me a hug, a hug that probably broke three ribs but at least that means she actually believes me, "Thor what happened to you? What happened to you? I couldn't even recognize you? Come on, follow me to my forge, there we can talk with a bit more privacy."

I followed her, "And maybe there you can give me both a reason for the tension I felt and probably something to heal these broken ribs that you just caused me." She laughed and I could not help but to shake my head at her as we both entered her forge, was it always this hot? Who knew that getting my war hammer stolen would have this much of an effect on me.

"So out with it? What happened to you?" I sat down drinking something for the pain and looked at her, "My war hammer was stolen in the middle of the night, I believe my sister Loki has gone on the hunt for the criminal, but it will not be simple since he could enter our domain. Now tell me what is this commotion I witnessed and the source of this tension?"

She looked at me and she smiled, "There is talk among those of our pantheon and many others that life has gotten to be rather boring, some might even call it stale, I don't have much of that since I had a wonderful lover and all, but since you are like that, we can't even do that anymore, if we did, I am liable to hurt you even worse than what I did to you with a hug."

I knew what she said to be true, you never know what you had till you lose it, here I am with my lover, and it is taking everything I have to simply stand the heat of her forge, I can't even spend an evening with her, I need to find my hammer and I have no clue where it is, I have called to it, several times, and nothing.

"Something seems to be blocking my hammer's ability to sense my summons, I need to find it, this form can not handle the changes it has to endure, my power has lost the limiter, and this body can only handle so much, I also require a means to earn a living, and since I can barely stand the heat of your forge, working here is not an option. Any suggestions that you may have for me?"

She laughed and after placing a kiss on my cheek she rested her head on my shoulder, "No need to worry lover boy, you can still go into a regenerative cocoon, I will look after it when you do, it might be a good chance for me to practice being a mother, and I might be able to see what you look like as a baby."

"The gods are thinking of going down to the realm of mortals live as they do, to live life with all the wonder and hardships they have, to seal away our godly power and experience life as they do. This works for both of us, I think the reason you can not summon your hammer is that it is somewhere it can not sense you."

"So here is what we will do, you will come down to the realm of mortals, you been there before many times, but this time, you will work with me and those that chose to accept me as their goddess, till you get used to that new form of yours, but honestly my bed is going to be a rather lonely place, so while you get used to this form of yours, I will send my followers to learn the location of your hammer, does that work for you oh love of my life?"

Why do goddesses love to tease? I see no alternative, and there is no one I trust more than I trust her, but if I use my actual name, people will ridicule me or worse they will try to accept me as their god, and in this form, I can't handle either.

"I will need a new name, I don't think I should use my actual name until I find my faithful hammer, only then can I retake my actual form. I need a name that is easy to remember, a rather common name."

She laughed and looked at me as she put her hands through my hair, "Well lover, your hair is as white as a rabbit's fur during winter, your eyes are more crimson than my hair, so why not something like, I don't know, how does Bell Cranel sound to you?"