Chapter 14: Gazing Upon an Abyss

There are times in life where you can feel like the world makes it certain you are the people you care about are well beyond arm's length away when the time comes. Saunders and Johnston were essentially a world apart from each other when news came of what happened to little Clara. Johnston lacked a proper airport and the aeronautics club doesn't possess a plane that could take me to a different hemisphere on such short notice. The only way to get to my sister was by ship once again. The only problem was figuring out how to get from the western corner of the Gulf of Mexico to the southern end of the Tropic of Cancer. So close yet so far. Supply ships were out of the question since none that came to us were scheduled to go through the panama canal for their next school. Passenger frigates had a similar issue where there was a wait period of at least a week that could take me to Saunders but it would be a three day trip as there were other schools that had to come first. We were essentially stuck for options.

I was alone in my room. So many thoughts and questions over what to do and yet nothing could be brought upon to aid in my situation. The feeling only exacerbated when my dorm phone started to ring.

I picked up the landline and pressed the green button. "Hello?"

"Johnny..." The voice was just like my father's, only with a slight digital distortion. "Do you remember what you promised your mother years ago."

Now came the other problem in regards with my sister. "I remember," I answered as I leaned against the wall.

"You do realize you broke that promise, right?"

"No. I did not."

"You didn't?" I heard a suppressed chuckle after my father asked that question. I remembered the first time he did that. It was fortunate that there was thousands of nautical miles between the two of us this time around. "That's not what I've heard from little Clara and some of her classmates."

"Do you believe that my presence around her brought this?"

"It wouldn't surprise me." There was a lack of emotion when those words came through the phone's speaker. With the added electronic distortion, it came off as though a robot was talking to me.

"Do you still think I'm some harbinger of grim like back then?"

"Of course."

My knuckles turned white after hearing that. "She's forgiven me over that!"

"Doesn't mean your mother nor I have to."

"I should still be allowed to keep an eye on her."

"For what? For more issues down the river to clean up?"

"Issues like what at this point? How did I injure her today? How did I ruin her this time?"

"You know there's a reason why you're in Johnston and not working for me."

"That's great to hear, dad..." I paused in a futile effort to compose myself. "No matter what happens, I'll always be that monster in the end."

"That's right."

It became a struggle to prevent my voice from cracking. "If she asks to see me, would you allow it?"

"No. And I don't ever want you near her ever again." There was no hesitation when he said that. There was no point to continue talking so I just hung up.

No more words.

No more.

The phone was placed back to it's charger and I just had to sit on the floor, taking everything in as seconds blurred into minutes then into an hour. My hands moved to cover my eyes as tears began to pour out. I wept like a child would, just like back then. My wails and screams were likely heard by the neighbors yet they paid no mind over the noise. I was once again alone in the world with nothing to pull me up. I looked to my bedroom and remembered the red wine from the Brazilians that I have in the nightstand. I recalled after the accident when I was younger, father would drink every night. Mother told me it was his way of handling the pain that I gave him. Maybe it could help me through this. Maybe I just need medicine to dull my mind for the moment. Maybe that's all I needed in the end.

A knock came at the door. The sudden sound from the outside caused me to jump out of the thought. Dixie was seen through the peek hole. I had to muster up enough courage and drying my eyes before opening the door. With the wooden barrier gone, my red eyes were were very much visible as she ran her left hand across the right side of my face.

"Are you alright?" She asked before entering my dormitory.

"No. No I'm not."

"Well, there is something we can do about getting to Saunders," she said as she pulled me in for an embrace.

"What's that?" I asked as I carefully withdrew from the hug so I could see her eyes.

"'Lilah was able to talk to one of the flyboys and talk to some of her friends from Saunders. There's a supply ship on the opposite side of Mexico heading over there. It's just close enough for the captain of the aeronautics club to fly you over there. The trip should be at most 2 or three days in total."

I could only blink the information in at first. My mind was finally focusing on the plan. It made sense... I pulled Dixie closer to me so I could kiss her forehead. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Just before we dashed out the dormitory, I caught a glimpse of her smiling as she saw my eyes light up.

We sprinted to the fullest extent our legs could take. Even with her uniform, Dixie was able to keep up as we eventually made our way to the airfield. I was taken to the men's changing room where I was outfitted with a pilot's uniform and goggles. Due to my amateur history with such things, I was helped by some of the other pilots there before I got out to the runway. It was there that I met a rather tall pilot and Delilah talking to each other before they both turned to us.

"That's the Johnny I was talking about," the team captain said as she pointed at me.

"Hello Johnny," the pilot said as he extended a hand to shake. "Name's Richard. Nice to meet you."

I shook his hand. "How exactly are we doing this?"

Richard looked to his biplane. "We've got a several hour journey to find a supply ship heading southwest from the Mexican Pacific."

"I'll come with you," Dixie said as she took my right hand.

"No," I said. "You need to stay here and practice. The next match isn't too far away. Can't risk you missing it because of me."

"But Johnny-"

"It'll be fine," I interrupted. "I'll be sure to call you when I get to Saunders. I promise you that."

Dixie only hugged me one more time before I got into the biplane with Richard as everyone else in the area cleared themselves from the runway.

"We're going to be in the air for a long time," Richard said as one of his teammates got the propeller running before running off. "Suggest you get comfy."

I could only slouch in my seat as the plane began to roll down the runway.

"And, we have velocity," I heard Richard say as we lifted off the ground and began reaching for the clouds. The air pushed upon us with each foot we gained in altitude. "Hey! Johnny!"

I looked to the source of Richard's voice and saw a tube to my left. I grabbed it and brought it close to my mouth. "Yes?"

"Just wanted to make sure you knew where to talk through if there's anything you need to bring up."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

Roughly half an hour passed the two of us. The plane's engines still roared as we were above the white clouds watching as the earth turned away and we continued our journey to reach the pacific. I was stuck with two sources of torment. The first was the long flight to a stupid supply ship and the other was having to endure both my parents when I see little Clara. I couldn't let the memories come back just yet. I'm not even at Saunders and I already felt my eyes water up. Just a few deep breaths and I was back to how I was before entering tankery... Before I got to know the tank captains, Dixie, Delilah. It just seemed like my path needed to consistently be muddied, dark, treacherous with every step I took.

It was now an hour since we took off the runway and I needed to distract myself. "Say, Richard..."

"Yeah, Johnny?"

"How'd you get along with Delilah?"

"Ah, 'Lilah and I go back a few years, ever since we both got into high school. I happened to see her in her tank on our first ever practice in Johnston."

"I see."

"You should've seen the look on Dixie's face when I had to crash land my plane on the tankery field. She thought she was in a real battlefield for those eight or nine seconds before I crawled out and walked in front of 'Lilah's tank."

"Huh, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Were you the guy who gave Delilah those beads at Mardis Gras?"

I heard a laugh through the tube. "You sly dog! Who told you?"

I readjusted my gloves. "You did."

Richard kept laughing. "I suppose I made it a little obvious." His laughing died down. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"How've you survived this long as tankery manager?"

"I manage."

"Clearly, but how?"

"I don't know. Every night, there's a stack of paperwork as tall as me to sift through. Those hours are unbelievably horrendous, even with a little sunshine and tea to push me through."

"So the rumors are true."

"What rumors?" I asked as we passed the clouds and there was nothing beneath us aside from the Gulf.

"You and Dixie."

I began to blush. "How'd you figure that?"

"'Lilah had her suspicions for a while."

"Can you please not tell her?"

"Oh, that's no problem. She'll figure it out eventually."

"Yeah."

The rest of the flight was quiet for the most part. Nothing to be heard aside from the propeller and the engine as we continued flying through the dark and saw the lights from houses and other buildings down under when we passed through Mexico and finally reached the Pacific Ocean. If this were a commercial flight, cheers and shouts would've been made as we were getting closer to the first part of our destination. There was no stopping now. The fuel could've been an issue but thankfully we managed and kept moving forward. Even without the sun, I could watch the waves ebb, flow, and rise to whatever they wished to attack or play with. Only a few hours came by since we reached the other side of Mexico that we saw a distinct light in the ocean.

"Found it!" Richard announced as he began lowering the plane. To say he was skilled with his aircraft would be right on the spot. He was able to get us to landing altitude without any noticeable turbulence all the while using his radio to contact the ship so we could be allowed to even get on. Only twenty minutes passed when we were landing on the ship and were in the midst of the captain and his senior crew. I got out of the plane and was slowly taking my pilot jumpsuit off as I explained the situation to the captain.

"Sounds like a predicament. Fortunately, you found the right ship heading to Saunders." The captain said as Richard got out of the biplane. "We've got some food you too can share as well as a room to rest for the night."

"Do you have a phone I could borrow?" I asked as I finished taking the pilot layer of clothes off.

"Of course, this way."

I followed the older man and was taken to a rather cramped room that had an old telephone.

"Don't worry," the captain said. "It still works."

And with that, he left and I began dialing the numbers and heard the phone ring a few times.

A groggy voice came to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey Dixie. Found the ship."

"That's good to hear. How're you holding up?"

"I'm managing, that's all I can really say."

"I know your sister's going to be happy to see you. That's all you should focus on right now."

"Yeah, uh... I'll let you know when I'm in Saunders."

"I know you will. But don't be afraid to call me if anything goes on. Okay?"

I stood there in the room with a silent storm brewing through my head.

"Johnny? Are you there?"

"Y-yeah. I'm here. Just... Thanks. You should probably get back to sleep."

"Okay, stay safe out there."

"Yeah, you too."