Leonard adjusted the neck of his shirt for the ninth time in the last 5 minutes, it had been a dumb idea to agree to this blind date. He removed his glasses and cleaned them again. Just because Penny was dating Sheldon didn't mean that he had to jump into a blind date.

Penny and Sheldon…that had come out of the blue and surprised everyone. Leonard most of all. He thought that he and Penny had something going on.

Sheldon had received funding for his Arctic Expedition and immediately broke his ankle jumping for joy. Because of that, Leonard Raj and Howard had gone on his stead, which yeah, the experience was amazing and even as Sheldon's helpers it would be an amazing thing to add to their resume and records. Sadly the experiment didn't reveal anything new and even Sheldon had to admit (over spotty Skype) that there was nothing more they could do but return.

Leonard should have known that something was wrong by Sheldon asking him to remember that they had been gone for 6 months.

The three intrepid explorers had arrived in Pasadena and then into 4A and had been met with the image of Penny straddling Sheldon while she did her best to check if he still had his tonsils.

Leonard could still feel his heart break.

Which fine, Penny didn't owe him anything, but…he had seen her first. He had already named their hypothetical children and envisioned a future with her. All of that was gone, like smoke.

A flush of shame makes him remember the words he had hurled at this roommate and neighbor, he was truly ashamed of them and wished he could take them back. It was the first time he thought Sheldon would actually deck him, as for Penny, she did deck him before yelling in his face 'I'm not a toy Leonard! You can't just call dibs on me like a thing.'

That hurt.

Not only because of the punch, but because Penny's words went against everything he believed himself to be. Had he really treated her like a thing? Looking back at their interactions made him cringe more and more until he was a ball of shame and regret. Every time he paid for her dumplings, he had done it expecting her to put out for him. He had thought that because he had treated her nicely that he deserved to sleep with her…

It's a horrible thing to look at yourself in the mirror and not recognize your reflection.

He had apologized to both Penny and Sheldon, but not only that, he also started going to therapy. His natural response to anyone suggesting therapy had been to react defensively and to deflect the subject, but he couldn't do that anymore. Not if he wanted to be the kind of person he thought he was before.

He had to destroy Leonard Hofstadter 'The Nice Guy' and rebuilt himself into Leonard Hofstadter the nice guy.

It wasn't easy, of course he could see how his mother influenced him, but at what point did it become routine to simply blame her for everything and not take responsibility for his actions? To sweep it under the rug of his mother's shadow. And now he had to take them back out one by one until he could no longer hide behind it.

Manipulating girls to be kinder to him by offering stories of hugging machines, funeral chocolate cake, being ignored for his siblings. Being ashamed of who he was and always being ready to leave it behind. Being snarky and sarcastic all of the time in order to not be vulnerable.

It all felt like learning the way you walked was wrong and you had to be conscious about how you're stepping, how long your stride is, what shoes you're wearing. At times you unconsciously went back to walk the same way. But as his therapist said "It will soon feel normal, you won't have to worry about all of that stuff and you will be able to live the way you want."

The flush of shame had almost disappeared by now but he helped it along by downing his second glass of water. He was glad the waiter had left the pitcher at the table because Leonard was thirsty.

He had arrived at the restaurant thirty minutes before the agreed time because old habits are hard to kick and he was nervous. This would be his first date in…a year. Leonard froze with the glass to his mouth, huh, he hadn't noticed it had been quite so long. He'd been focused on his own personal improvement that dating was left behind.

In fact, he had only agreed to this because Howard and Raj had pushed him to it.

His friends had apparently set up a dating profile for him and arranged this whole blind date. He still wasn't sure if this was a prank or not, Howard had been smiling a little too enthusiastically.

"Excuse me, I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. You're Leonard Hofstadter." A strong and firm voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Hi, yes…" He trailed off after seeing his date.

Oh. It had been a prank. Amy was a nice girl but she was dressed like his grandma and the way she had spoken, well, that was a perfect impression of Sheldon. Man…he hadn't expected that, not really.

Howard could be such an asshole at times.

"Raj! Buddy! You don't understand!"

"I understand. Leonard has been doing his best to become a better version of himself and you wanted to prank him?!" Raj wasn't exactly yelling, but was very close to.

They were outside of Howard's house and were about to enter with their takeout but before they could do it, Howard couldn't contain his glee anymore and told Raj of his 'prank'.

"No buddy, no. It's not like that! I just-"

"Howard! You better hope that Leonard forgives you."

Leonard nervously shifted in place and looked up at Amy's face. Her expression was the same as it had been for most of the night but she had a small blush on her cheeks.

Much to Leonard's surprise, the date had NOT been a prank.

Amy was a wonderful and sweet girl, and much like Sheldon she was way too smart for her own good. She wasn't imitating Sheldon, that was her own way of speaking plus nervousness.

Just like he had been afraid of being pranked, she had also shared the same fear. And after she shared some horror stories from her high school years, Leonard couldn't blame her. Teenagers could be such cruel assholes.

"I believe that it's customary for a date to end on a kiss." Amy said, her voice was level and calm but her blush had intensified.

"Ah, yes." He said smartly. Deciding that talking was not the best course of action at the moment, Leonard gave Amy a chaste kiss on the lips but almost right away Amy grabbed him by the back of the head and deepened the kiss.

"Woah…" Leonard said after Amy had let him go.

"I'm free next Friday night and will be expecting a call from you." How could she sound so calm after that kiss was a mystery.

"Uh, yes." Leonard gave himself some grace on his lack of eloquence, lack of blood to the brain does that to you.

"Goodnight Leonard."

"Goodnight Amy."

"Woah…" Leonard repeated once her apartment door had closed.

He touched his lips and looked at his feet, he felt like a teenager in the best sense. The cat was alive.

On the drive back to the apartment he kept thinking on the best way to thank Howard for introducing him to Amy. Maybe he could convince Sheldon to remove one of Howard's strikes?

Notes 1:

I don't know. I was listening to 'Love like you' from Steven Universe and for some reason it inspired me to write this.

Notes 2:

For people in this site. I've been feeling burned out so I've been taking it easy as far as writing goes. Updates will tontinue to be slow.