I'm never gonna let you close to me…Even though you mean the most to me…'Cause every time I open up, it hurts…So, I'm never gonna get too close to you…Even when I mean the most to you…In case you go and leave me in the dirt ~ Too Good and Goodbyes by Sam Smith

Malia:

I was sitting at a table in a little diner, that hadn't been here for long-maybe a year or two now, waiting for Lydia for lunch. The day seemed to speed up and drag at the same time. Parrish came in and picked up his car. As much as I wanted to interrogate him on the scoop between him and Lydia I did not. I would be interrogating her though. Derek came in at noon and again, as much as I wanted to interrogate him on the tension between him and Stiles, I did not. For one he was a freaking vault when he wanted to be. For two it was Stiles, my ex, I didn't want to pry into that. If and when they wanted to talk about it they would.

My mind had been in a whirlwind ever since Scott left last night. Filled with images and questions and thoughts and doubts. Ending with me having the best of best dreams about Scott and me. But honestly I was scared. I hate being scared. Being scared pissed me off and after my last encounter with fear, on a higher scale, I never wanted to feel that way again.

"Sorry, I'm late." Lydia said joining me at the table. I put away my phone that I had been scrolling through social media on and looked up.

"Well look at you." I smirked, looking her over. She was in a skintight white suit, showing enough cleavage and thigh to give a man wet dreams, with red heels and blood red lips.

"I had a business meeting." She said rolling her eyes, sitting across from me.

"Where? At an escort service?" I quirked a brow at her. She snorted sipping on the glass of white wine I ordered for her.

"No, I've been contracted to redo the computer system at the Sheriff's station."

"Oh really. And who did you meet with?" I asked propping my chin on my hand and batting my eyes at her.

"Stop that. I met with Stilinski."

"Just Stilinski?"

She didn't answer.

"I hoped you already ordered because I don't want to waste time looking at the menu when we have other important things to talk about." She said, raising her brow at me this time. I groaned.

"Fine. Yes I ordered your usual, should be out in a few minutes. Which one of us is starting?"

"You first."

"Why me first?"

"Because I said so. Now spill. What happened between you and a certain alpha?"

It's ridiculous that even hearing that word made me shiver and squeeze my thighs together. Would I ever be able to say it or hear it without thinking about that night?

"Oh, I so just caught that reaction. Tell me, Malia."

"Fine. It started at the Grille our last night in Beacon Hills, after you left…" and I told her everything. From what I was thinking just sitting there watching Scott get lost in thought to my proposition to the best night of my life, leaving out the intricate details, but still giving her plenty. I'm usually a private person, I don't tell anyone everything, barely anything really. But Lydia was my best friend and I really needed to talk this out.

"Wow, that's just… I heard a roar when I was heading back home but didn't really think anything of it. I had my own issues that night, so I was just ready to go home and relax."

"Issues pertaining to a certain deputy in our lovely town sheriff's station?" I asked.

"We'll get to that. But is that night why you didn't show the next morning to say goodbye?" she asked waving off my question.

"Yeah." I sighed. We paused when the waitress brought our food out. "I was embarrassed."

"Why? From the sounds of it you had one hell of a night."

"I did, we did. But, when we finally went to sleep-."

"After satisfying yourselves to the point of exhaustion." She grinned.

"Right. But when we were going to sleep… Scott held me. All night. And it was nice. I loved it."

"Okay…"

"And I wasn't used to that. Usually, I'm the one doing the holding. I'm the protector. But when he did it, it felt like he was protecting me. It made me feel wanted and cherished and… it just brought up feelings that I didn't really know I had for him. I mean what we went through I knew I liked him and respected him. Admired him even. But I didn't realize how much I wanted him until then."

"That's great Malia. That sounds amazing. I'm not seeing the problem."

"The problem is those feelings never went away. They have been there for the last ten years. And even though I was good at repressing them, even with our weekly calls, I knew I was still harboring them. While he was gone, I could still pretend that it was just me feeling lonely, or unsatisfied or something. But now that he's here…"

"You still feel them and more so, now, because it's no longer long distance."

"Right."

"Have you talked to him about it? Maybe seeing if there is more there then just physical attraction?"

"We talked last night. He came over and we discussed the elephant in the room so to speak."

"And what was the verdict?"

"He came up with three options. The first being we become friends with benefits. Which honestly has its merits but since the reason we are so awkward around each other now and there is so much tension between us is because we slept together, I really don't want to do that. The second option is we just stay friends and try to date outside of our circle. But that's an automatic veto. We both, well I'm sure all of us, have trust issues after Theo and Monroe. So even trying to date another shifter is hard."

"I understand that. I have the same problem. I dated here and there. But I was always on guard. Its kind of hard to explain to an outsider about waking up in the middle of the night and finding a dead body or screaming loud enough to blow windows without explaining the supernatural to them." She said rolling her eyes.

"Exactly."

"So, what's the third option?"

"Scott… thinks we should try dating and see if we are compatible outside of the bedroom." I told her and her smile grew three times its normal size.

"So, we are going with option 3 then."

"I don't know. I told him I want to think about it."

"What? Why? You just told me you have feelings for him and from the sounds of it he has feelings for you too."

"Yeah I know. But, after Stiles, dating another friend just feels daunting. I mean I know me, and Stiles were broken up for a while before you two got together. But… even though I know he cared for me when we were together I also know that he was in love with you that whole time. Not being with him didn't make that realization hurt any less. I don't want to be another place holder or substitute or stand in." I confessed.

"Oh Malia." she sighed, giving me a sympathetic look. "I'm so sorry. I wish you had of said something about how you were feeling."

"What would have been the point? First, I messed up that relationship. I broke up with him. I was stupid. I really did love him. But I knew we wouldn't be together again after that. But when we were getting him back from the ghost riders and memories started coming back I could see it plain as day how he felt for you. I could never compete. Talking about it wouldn't have changed that fact at all so why bother. Besides now its ancient history. We have all moved on from that."

"Yeah, but if its effecting you moving forward with Scott or anyone else, then it does still matter. Look, I know we were young and stupid back then. And I am sure if Stiles had really thought about his feelings he wouldn't have done things they way that he did. I'm not saying he regrets being with you. But at that time, I don't think he really knew what he wanted or felt. You were there for him at a time when he really needed someone who was on the outside. That whole Nogitsune thing really messed him up. I'm sure in his own way he loved you."

"Maybe, maybe not. Like I said its ancient history."

"I'm sorry to tell you this but if you are still feeling gun shy because of it, then it's not ancient history. Scott is not Stiles. He's not harboring feelings for another woman. His last girlfriend that he really loved was dealing with a homicidal fox spirit, and that was ten years ago. Do you really think he is still in love with Kira?"

"No, and he's said as much. But Allison-."

"Allison was his first love, his first girlfriend. Just like Stiles was yours and Jackson was mine. We all still carry some feelings for them because they were the first but that doesn't mean we are pining for them. And Allison is dead. Even in Beacon Hills, I don't think she's coming back. Scott wouldn't even present the possibility of dating you if he still had ANY lingering feelings for either of them."

"But what if she could. Or what if Kira comes back. I can't give him what they can."

"What is it you think they can give him that you can't?"

"I'm not… a girly girl. I'm not good with emotions. I don't do pep talks when he's having a bad day. I don't do romance and all that."

"When did he ask for all that?"

"He didn't but…"

"But nothing. You're assuming you know what he is looking for in a woman. Why? Because that's what he dated in high school? Ten years ago? Malia, we have all changed since high school. Hell, we have all changed in high school. You don't deal with the kind of shit we all dealt with without changing. He's asking to date not get married. Dating meaning taking the time to learn, or in this case relearn, about a person and seeing if there is something more there."

"God, you sound just like him." I huffed.

"Well, we are both doctors." She giggled.

"Whatever. I told him I would think about it. I just don't want to make the wrong decision and lose his friendship. If we got together and things didn't work out, I don't know if we could rebound from that. Stiles and I are still friends, but we are not as close as we were before. We can't get that back. I don't want to the same thing to happen with Scott."

"I get that and yeah you should think about it. But my opinion is you would be a fool to give up a chance because you're scared. If he's willing to try then why not. If it doesn't move past dating then no harm done."

"And if it does?"

"Then you get great sex on demand." She shrugged, smirking into her glass of wine. I laughed hard.

"Enough of about my drama, lets move on to yours. What's going on with you and Parrish?" I asked moving away from my trust issues. She groaned but launched into her story.

Scott:

It took me a minute when I woke up to remember where I was. I was no longer in my apartment in Davis. I was back home in Beacon Hills. I wasn't waking up to get ready for a day of treating pets, I was waking up to start a long check list of things I need to do to get settle back home. I was back in my childhood room and, according to my clock, it was going on 10:30 am.

After leaving Malia's place I decided to go back to the party. It just seemed right. I kind of left abruptly and everyone was there to welcome me home. So, I went back and caught up with everyone. Catching up with Argent who said he was passing through and wanted to welcome me back. He promised he would be back but was going to spend a bit more time off the grid. I understood that.

I caught up with Corey and Mason who were married now. Corey an RN at the hospital and Mason a deputy at the Sheriff's station. When he announced to us, after he graduated UC Berkley with honors in Criminal Justice, that he was going to the academy to become an officer we were shocked. We thought for sure he would become a lawyer. But he said he wanted to be more hands on with the law then being an attorney would allow.

Liam and I spent a while talking, catching up on what's been going on with his life. I have a feeling he's hiding something. I didn't pry. When he was ready to talk about it he would. But he was doing well teaching English Lit and coaching Lacrosse. I promised him I would stop by today to watch the practice. He took over for Finstock when he finally retired. He now lives in Florida away from the craziness of this town.

I talked to the rest of the crowd that showed up briefly. It was uncomfortable. They all wanted to talk about and thank me for what I did back then. I kept repeating how it was a group effort. That every one of my friends and family played a part in riding the influence Monroe and Gerard had over it, not to mention The Beast and Ghost Riders. But even my friends gave most of the credit to me. After a while I just stopped trying to convince them.

Getting out of bed I stretched out the kinks. I might be in my twenties still and I might be a werewolf, but I wasn't sixteen anymore, things that didn't crack and hurt before are now. The smell of coffee and bacon carried me down the stairs and into the kitchen where my mother was just fixing a plate, already in her scrubs.

"Morning." She greeted with a smile.

"Morning. On your way to work?" I asked, fixing a cup of coffee. I was never a big coffee drinker before. But after having to do residency in school I was a firm believer that coffee was a necessity for living.

"Yes, I still got time, so I figured I would make breakfast. You got any plans today or you just going to take it easy?"

"No, I want to get a head start on some things. I need to stop by the clinic and talk to Deaton and I really need a haircut. I also need to look into storage for my stuff when it gets here. Should be here tomorrow." I took the plate she handed me and my cup and headed for the dining room with her right behind me.

"You know you can use the garage."

"Yeah, I know but it's not big enough for boxes and furniture and if I have to pay for furniture storage there's no point in splitting it up."

"That makes sense."

"Besides, I don't think I will need storage for long. Maybe a month or two. I want to find a place soon so I can settle in. Yes, I know I am welcome to stay here for as long as I need." I smirked interpreting what the look on her face. She sighed rolling her eyes.

"You can't fault me for wanting you home a bit longer."

"I don't. And I'm sure I will be here for a bit while I look. I still am not sure if I want an apartment or house. Both have pros and cons. But that's something I need to look into. And I promised Liam I would stop by and watch practice today. I might pick up Stiles and see if he wants to tag along."

"How is Stiles? He seemed… not himself yesterday."

"He's… going through some things. But I think he will be fine once he figures some stuff out. He's in town for a while so hopefully I can help in some way."

"I love how close you all are even after all this time. It's great to see that time and space hasn't effected your friendship."

"Yeah, at least there's that." I forced a smile.

It was true for the most part, but Malia still came to mind. I was giving her time to think about things and honestly I was glad for the time. I had some of the same fears she did. Do I think that we could have something? Absolutely. But was it scary to think of how badly it could go if things went south? It was terrifying.

"I can see by that smile that there is something else going on. Does this have anything to do with Malia?" mom asked. My eyes snapped to her. She smirked at me over her coffee mug.

"How did you know?"

"Sweetheart, we all saw that hug between the two of you yesterday. It was hard not to jump to a conclusion."

Closing my eyes, I dropped my head.

"That, and I knew something had to have happened between the two of you when I saw her walking down the street the morning you were leaving." She nonchalantly mentioned. I groaned.

"Stop it Scott. You are both adults and even I could see that you liked each other." She chuckled. "Do you want to talk about what's going on?"

"Yes, no. I don't know. I didn't expect to still feel this way after all this time and coming back here just made it so much stronger."

"Okay, what are we talking about here? What feelings do you have?"

"There has not been one day, in the last ten years that have gone by, that I have not thought about her at least once. Not a single day. I had exactly one relationship, if you can call it that since I've been gone."

"What happened there?"

"It lasted all of 5 months because my heart wasn't in it, and I had to keep my guard up. The things we went through back then, doesn't exactly illicit trust in others with the secrets I have to keep. There's too much risk to reveal the supernatural to just anyone, you know."

"I completely understand that. But, Scott, you can't expect to find someone if you can't truly be yourself."

"I know and that's a problem I'm, all of us, are running into. I do want to find someone. I don't want to just settle for being alone the rest of my life because I'm too scared to let anyone else in completely. But between Monroe and Theo and all the other things we have been through…"

"Right. So is Malia just a-."

"No. she's not just a means to an end or anything. I genuinely care about her. I did even before I left but I was leaving, and she was leaving. That really wasn't the time to start something."

"And now?"

"Now, I'm willing to give it a shot if she is. But she's scared and I get why."

"So, you have already talked to her about this?"

"Yeah, last night. She wants to think about it. Which I get. Our friendship it too important to make decision based solely on hormones or errant thoughts. I'm giving her the space to think and decide."

"Did you make clear what you would like?"

"I did. I laid it all out there for her. But the balls in her court now."

"Well, you did everything right. I'm sure it will work out. You guys were good for each other back then. Maybe you can be again. Give it time."

"That's the plan." I sighed finishing up my breakfast and chugging the last of my coffee.

"I'm going to get to work. I will see you later." She said getting up and kissing the top of my head.

"Have a good day." I told her.

After she left I cleaned up the dishes and went back upstairs. Flopping back on my bed I grabbed my phone. I need to get this day started. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll run into Malia sometime today.

"Speak." Stiles answered. I shook my head.

"Hey, what are you up to today?"

"Staring at the ceiling, raiding my dad's fridge for healthy food and overthinking life decisions." He answered without hesitation.

"So, the usual then."

"Pretty much. Why, what's up?"

"Got some stuff I wanted to get done today and I was going to stop by the high school to watch practice later. Did you want to come along or are you committed to watching the ceiling."

"Dude, do you even have to ask? I can be ready in fifteen."

"Well, I'm not even dressed yet. So, I'll be there in thirty."

"Slacker. Alright. See you soon."

"Yep."

~~WHAT IF~~

"So where are we headed first?" Stiles asked climbing up into the cab. I offered to let him drive his car so he wouldn't aggravate his injury, but he waved me off saying he was fine.

"I need a haircut. I've gotten to shaggy. Kind of reminds me of when I was 16." I told him. He looked at me and grinned.

"Well now that you mention it…"

"You're one to talk. Between the beard and the hair, you barely look like the same person." I snorted.

"True. Maybe I could use a trim as well. I kind of like the shaggy look but it could use some cleaning up."

"And the face?"

"I've grown attached to the facial hair. I'm probably going to keep it. But off that. How did your talk go yesterday?" he asked.

I sighed and went over everything I talked to Malia about and then went on to relay my talk with my mom this morning. He listened and nodded then groaned thunking his head against the window.

"I was such a dick back then. I never meant to hurt her or use her. I was stupid and confused and obsessed. But she was never a substitute on placeholder for Lydia." He sighed.

"I know that, and I am sure deep down she knows that as well. She's just hesitant and I get it. I'm just hoping that she can look past her fears."

"Yeah. Me too. Should I talk to her?"

"I am not going to answer that one way or the other. If you want to go ahead. But don't do it because of me or what happened back then."

"Yeah. I don't want to rehash anything, but I do think I owe her an apology or some kind. She was one of my closest friends and even though we are still friends it's different, has been since Lydia and I got together. It would be nice to get back to the friendship we did have."

"Well if you feel you need to clear the air so to speak then go for it."

"I will, soon. If I'm going to be in town for a while, I don't want things to be weird."

"Speaking of. How did your dad take the news?"

"You mean after he finished yelling at me for scaring him to death." He chuckled. "He was happy to have me back for a while and worried about whatever I have been through to require such an extended leave. I know he's curious, as I am sure you are as well, about what happened. I really wish I could tell you guys."

"I get it man. Just know that when you can, if you want to, you can talk to me anytime." I told him. I pulled up in front of the barber and looked out the window just as I saw Lydia and Malia exit a diner next door.

"Well, look what we have here. We should say hi." He said excitedly while grinning widely.

"Did you become eviler while you were away?" I asked.

"It's possible. At least it's not an evil fox spirit this time." He shrugged opening the door. Sighing I followed suit.

"Ladies. How are you this fine afternoon?" Stiles said hobbling towards them. They stopped as soon as they heard his voice.

"Hey, what are you boys doing out here?" Lydia smiled walking towards us, Malia following at a slower pace.

"Just a bit of manscaping. That's all." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Haircuts. We are getting haircuts." I clarified.

"Tomato, tomahto." Stiles shrugged. "Lyds, let me talk to you for a second." Stiles said leading Lydia a short distance away. I sighed shaking my head.

Malia studied them for a minute before turning back to me, giving me a hesitant smile. Just like yesterday she shuffled from foot to foot unsure of herself and that was just not Malia. I was over this awkwardness. I really was.

"So, how's your day so far?" I asked.

Well, I should probably get back to work." She said at the same time, backing away from me.

"Malia, come on. You don-."

"I'll talk to you later Scott." she said with a wave before making a hasty escape.

With a growl I ran my hand through my hair.

"What happened?" Stiles asked as he and Lydia walked back over, glancing back to see Malia get in her car and drive away.

"I have no fucking clue. None, at all." I sighed, watching until she disappeared into the distance.

"Scott," Lydia said gaining my attention. "Don't take this to heart. Its not that she doesn't… care. She's just scared. You know how Malia gets when she's scared, especially now."

I nodded, taking a deep breath.

"Give her time and a bit of space. Don't give up yet, okay?" she smiled sympathetically.

"Yeah, okay."

"I'm going to get going. I have another appointment I need to get to. And judging by the state of both your guys hair, so do you, asap." She said, eyeing us both.

"What, you don't like the shaggy look. Its all the rage." Stiles said, smiling and wagging his eyebrows at her. she rolled her eyes.

"I will see you guys later. Maybe we can all get together later this week when things calm down."

"Sure, we'll set something up later." I said. with a hug to both of us we watched her leave.

"You okay, man?" Stiles asked me and we walked the short distance to the barber.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just, frustrated."

"In more than one way I am guessing." He smirked.

"Seriously, when did you get the extra evil streak. Was that like an FBI upgrade or something?" I asked.

He laughed, heartily clapping me on the back.