Chapter 14 — Goodbyes

I did not sleep that night. My bed smelled of him. Everything in my apartment smelled of him. All the places we'd fucked haunted me — all of it was just a genetic requirement for him, something he couldn't help. I tried to decide whether I cared about this or not. Dracula watched me, worriedly, as I paced back and forth across the living room. I found that I was thirsty, but I absolutely would not go hunting. I would not be the part of me that he hated most. I drank water, unsatisfyingly.

By dawn, I had decided I did not care that his love for me was forced. I did not care that he hated me now or that he loved my mother once before. I was going to fight for him. There was nothing else more worth fighting for in my whole life.

I showered and dressed carefully that morning. I wore a form-fitting, blue, cotton dress that came across my chest in an alluring V and put on my black stilettos. I was wearing no underwear or bra.

I knew by now the autobody shop where Jacob worked. I drove my car up, pulling it into the service garage. It was early and the business had just opened for the day. I listened carefully. No one was there except for him. He came into the garage, his eyes red, his face puffy. I stepped out of the car quietly and leaned against the hood, feeling slightly ridiculous, but determined. He looked up at me suddenly, registering my smell and my heartbeat. His eyes were wide with horror. I tried not to let it sting too badly.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"I need an oil change," I said, slyly, moving my legs apart slightly and arching my back.

"Please," he said, closing his eyes. "I can't—"

"We're beyond 'can't'," I said, approaching him in a blur of speed, pressing my body against his.

He did not touch me, but he did not move away either. I grabbed his hands and forced him on my waist. He bowed his head with a groan.

"Please, please don't do this to me," he said.

"Do what? Show you exactly what you'd lose if you continue being stupid?"

"You don't understand," he breathed, his head now pressed against my shoulder as though he couldn't even keep himself upright.

"I don't have to," I whispered. "But I need you. And you need me."

I moved his hand down to my thigh and led it up the skirt of my dress until his palm was cupping my bare ass.

"Oh God, Nessie," he breathed. "Don't—"

I unzipped his fly and found his cock erect, throbbing. I leaned back against the hood of the car, pulling him roughly towards me, guiding his cock inside me. He did not resist. Once he was inside me, he was like a shark smelling blood. He began to thrust with urgency, burying his face in my neck. It was over quick — too quick. He gasped and I felt him cumming inside me. I held him tightly to me, not daring to let go.

Still breathing fast, he looked into my face for the first time. I was startled to see there were tears on his cheeks.

"I can't do this," he said hoarsely. "I can't be with you."

"You are with me," I said. "Right now. Nothing else matters."

"I wish that was true," he whispered.

"Do you love me?" I asked.

He bowed his head, resting it against my shoulder.

"I do," he said. "But there's more to who I am than this."

He pulled away, my hands dropped limply to my sides. I felt my heart breaking, shattering, but I wasn't ready to give up yet.

"I can be human for you," I said, my eyes blurry with thick, hot tears. "I eat food, I sleep, my heart beats — too fast, I know—"

"I could never ask you to be anything other than what you are," said Jacob.

"I'd rather be anyone else than not be with you!" I found myself shouting, my voice cracking as tears spilled down my face.

"And what about your… family," said Jacob, his voice brittle. "Would you give up them?"

"I—" I started, but I couldn't finish. Of course I couldn't give up my family.

"I know you can't. I wouldn't ask you to. You can't ask me to give up my way of life either. The tribe is my family. I protect them against vampires."

"My family doesn't hurt people," I said.

"They can't help it. It's instinct," said Jacob. "Just look at your mother."

"What? That was completely different!" I said, my sorrow morphing into outrage. "My mother wanted to be a vampire—"

"It's not natural!" Jacob suddenly stormed. "She should have lived! She should have married, had children, grandchildren, grown old and been there for her father at the end—"

"She did marry! She had a child!" I said, gesturing to myself.

"I was there. There was nothing natural about it."

I felt as though he had slapped me.

"Nothing natural about me, right?" I said. "A freak of nature. A monster that never should have been conceived in the first place if there was any sense to the world?"

"Those are your words," said Jacob, quietly, turning away from me.

"Those are your thoughts," I said. "I don't have to be a mind reader to know that."

From the distance, we both heard a door swing open and closed.

"My boss is here," said Jacob, wiping his face.

"My cue to leave," I said, not bothering to wipe the tears from my own face. "So this is it then? It's over?"

"Yes," said Jacob, his voice low and firm.

I turned on my heel and got into the car. I did not allow myself to look into the rearview mirror on my way back.