Chapter 20 — Friends

Renesmee

After Leah got the news that her daughter had phased into a werewolf, the training session broke up. I walked away with Nahuel, making sure Jacob saw. I knew it was cruel to make him jealous, but it was my last line of defense. And, if I was being honest, I was angry. Six months of my life had been spent wallowing in Jacob's rejection. Now he had the nerve to tell his pack they weren't allowed to fight with me? Like he cared? It drove me insane.

"How was it? Getting to fight?" I asked Nahuel. "I'm so jealous."

"It was exhilarating," said Nahuel, wiping sweat off his brow. "Hard work, though. Those werewolves are no joke."

"Yes, Renesmee, take note," said my Aunt Rosalie, snidely.

"Well, I'm jealous," I said again, ignoring my aunt. "Maybe you could teach me a few moves today?"

I fluttered my eyelashes alluringly. My father raised his eyebrows at me and I blushed. Ugh. What was wrong with me? How could I use Nahuel like this?

"I'd love to," said Nahuel.

While my vampire family stayed indoors on the unusually bright day, Nahuel and I practiced outside. It was fun and by the end, I was pinning Nahuel as much as he was pinning me.

"Renesmee, may I confess something to you," said Nahuel as took a break, sitting on a rock, watching the afternoon sun.

"Sure, sure," I said, hoping it wasn't anything too serious.

"I have never felt so free," he said. "I have never felt so myself. Thank you."

I smiled. "Me too, Nahuel. You're a true friend."

We looked at each other for a while then, suddenly, he kissed me. I wasn't sure what to make of it. We hadn't kissed since that first day. But this time, I noticed more than the fact that our body temperature was the same, that our heartbeat in time. I felt his lips upon mine, the heat of his tongue, the feeling of his hands on my hips. I saw a life in which I was free to be exactly who I was right now. A vampire-human hybrid. No more, no less. I would never be treated as different or other.

"Oh, Renesmee," whispered Nahuel. "I love you."

My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. My fantasy popped. I did not love Nahuel. I could not use him to satisfy my own insecurities. I pulled away.

"Nahuel," I said, "I should have… I'm so sorry. I can't. I just can't."

Nahuel stood up abruptly.

"And why not?" he asked angrily. "Because you're in love with a werewolf who doesn't even treat you like an equal? Who doesn't let you fight? Who can't stand who your parents are and where you come from?"

Hot tears filled my eyes. "Yes. I am in love with him. And yes, that's how he feels. But I can't change any of that, Nahuel. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Nahuel stalked off, shaking his head. I put my head into my hands and cried.

"Renesmee, honey, it's okay."

My mom's arms were around me like the world's coldest, and most comforting, blanket.

"It's not okay!" I said. "Nothing about this okay. We spent the whole day together and there was nothing. He didn't care. He doesn't care. He imprinted on me so has to love me but he spends every second wishing he didn't have to love me. Oh, Mom, why can't I just love Nahuel."

"I know exactly what you're going through, Renesmee," said my mother, quietly. "I didn't know if I wanted to tell you this… I'm worried it will hurt you. But I want you to know that I understand how you're feeling."

"What do you mean?" I sniffed.

"After your father left was when I first became friends with Jacob. Being friends with him felt like the easiest thing in the world. So natural. It made me wish sometimes that I liked him back, the way he liked me. But, my heart belonged to Edward. When he came back, it was so hard to choose between the friend I felt so comfortable with and the man who I loved with all my heart. But, in the end, I think there is only one choice."

"So you broke Jacob's heart?" I said, wiping tears from my eyes.

"I did," said my mother. "And it was the right thing to do. His heart was full of love, but it didn't know where to direct it. You didn't exist yet."