Ok, I have edited and re-edited this chapter over and over and I think I just need to stop and post it, or it will never go up. I really like this chapter, and I'm pretty proud of it, but I feel like it is super self-indulgent, and a few people are pretty out of character, but I have decided I'm not going to care.

I also realized I am bad at language warnings – there is minor language in this chapter.

Huge thank you to everyone still reading. 3

Chapter 31: Panic at the Disco

They were on the road shortly after and made it to St. Louis easily enough. The case turned out to be a jealous witch thing. Dean, as usual, bemoaned the antics of "friggen witches," the whole time they were heading back to the motel. He went right in to shower to "wash the stink off." Sam sat heavily on his bed and sighed.

"How you doing kid?" Andy asked. Sam's mouth quirked up into a small smile. Andy had never really lost the habit of calling him kid, it felt like how Dean called him Sammy.

"I'm ok," he said and cleared his throat. Andy cocked an eyebrow at him. Sam gave her the bitchface look. "Really Andy, I'm ok – and don't go checking me out with your x-ray vision thing. I don't want to know." Andy grumbled a little.

"If that's what you want Sam I'll respect it, but don't expect me to like it," she said and went to get a glass of water. Sam sat on his bed and looked around the room like he was expecting something. He fidgeted with the zipper on his jacket. Andy could feel the 'I want to say something to you, but I don't know how,' thoughts rolling out of him.

"It's just us Sam," Andy said sitting down next to him. "You know you can talk to me about anything." Sam glanced at the door to the bathroom, checking to see that it was still closed, and Dean was still out of the room.

"Andy…" Sam started and sighed "I don't know how to say this…Dean…I'm worried about Dean. He…he almost made us find another hell hound so he could kill it and take on the trials. He said he doesn't see a light at the end of the tunnel and that there is no good ending for him. He wanted to do it as a suicide mission," The words were pouring out of Sam. Quiet and intense. "I don't…I don't know if he wants to die, or…or if he is just freaking out about Dyson or what," Sam kept going.

"What about Dyson?" Andy finally interrupted Sam. She was reeling from everything Sam was saying, mostly because everything he said, she could believe would come from Dean. Sam looked away from her a bit embarrassed.

"I'm going completely off guess work and a gut feeling here, but I think Dyson showing back up has twisted Dean's head up a bit. I think he might be thinking that you'll be done with him now that Dyson is around again." Andy's jaw literally dropped.

"What? How could he…he wouldn't…what?" Andy stuttered at Sam who shrugged.

"Like I said, gut feeling."

"He could not…he could not think that I would just drop him because Dyson is here. After everything…he can't…" Andy said looking at Sam with such profound sadness that he put an arm around her instinctively.

"I know he's wrong if that is what's going through his head, but I think you might need to tell him. You did disappear on him once because of Dyson, he might be afraid of it happening again." Sam regretted the words the moment they left his mouth, but it was true. He felt Andy stiffen next to him and take in a small wavering gasp. "Please don't mention that I said anything, I think he would actually murder me if he knew I talked to you about this. It's just…" Sam took his arm away and clasped his hands in his lap, "he scared me, when he said he couldn't see a way out. I haven't heard him talk like that since you've been back, and I really don't like it."

Andy nodded at Sam and then worked to get herself under control before Dean got out of the shower. Her head was spinning, thoughts cascading into a raucous swirl. She felt her vision blur slightly and her breath was coming in short sharp gasps. She heard Sam say something, but her mind was too loud, and she couldn't make out what the words were. She was locked in her own head: Dean wanted to die, was ready for a suicide mission…because of her, because he thought she didn't want him, because she had left him once, why wouldn't she do it again, Dean wanted to die, Sam was in the middle of god given trials to close hell and probably will get raked over the coals in the process, Dyson was here, but that was never a sure thing, he could be gone any day, she could be gone any day, Dean wanted to die, she was going to lose everyone, everything, she was going to lose her boys…it was her fault…all her fault…her fault… Dean wanted to die, because she might leave…over and over, around and around.

Suddenly there were tight warm arms around her – slightly damp hands on her face. Dean's eyes came into focus, beautiful green eyes. He was saying something, Andy tried to focus enough to understand him. It trickled in slowly…

"You're ok baby, you're ok, just breathe, breathe with me. In…." Andy tried to match Dean's inhale. "Good…out," he said. "Again, baby in….and out. Look at me Andy, you're safe, we're right here with you, keep breathing like that baby." Dean's hands never left her face. They were on her face, in her hair, thumbs rubbing over her cheeks, kneading the taught muscles of her neck. The physical sensations were grounding her. Sam's arms were around her, holding her against his chest. The pressure against her chest was soothing. Andy's breath was coming steadier now.

"I'm ok," she said shakily, "I'm ok now. You can let me go, Sam." Dean searched her face, concern written clear all over his face. Sam unwound his arms and shifted back to sitting next to her.

"Fuck Andy, you scared the shit out of us," Dean said kneeling in front of her. "What the hell happened?"

"It's ok, I'm ok…just…a bit of a panic attack," Andy said, rubbing a hand across her forehead. Her head was throbbing now.

"Since when do you get panic attacks?" Dean said gently. Andy cocked her head and grimaced.

"I've been getting them for a long time…but they're not regular. I haven't had one in…years."

"So, what triggered it now?" Sam asked.

"I don't know…and I don't really want to talk about it right now," Andy said, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples.

"Ok, ok, why don't we hit the road then. Probably good if you can sleep in your own bed tonight." Dean said and started gathering their stuff together. They piled into the car and started off for the bunker. It was quiet for a while. Andy drifted in and out. She woke up enough at one point to overhear Dean.

"If you say you're good, then that's it. I'm with you 100%," Dean said solemnly. Sam cleared his throat.

"I'm good," he said roughly and coughed. For a second Andy thought she was imagining it. She had noticed that Sam had been coughing a bit during the last few days, she had wondered if maybe he was coming down with something, but this was a liquid sounding cough. Not only that, when it stopped, she thought she caught a brief moment of the metallic scent of blood in the car, her senses being a bit more advanced than others. She gazed at Sam and noticed him subtly wipe the corners of his mouth. Great, she thought, now I have to worry about both of them. She sighed deeply and settled deeper into her seat and tried to doze back off.

Andy was dead asleep when they rolled up to the bunker door. She only woke up when Dean kissed her forehead. She was scooped up in his arms and he had carried her to the landing above the war room.

"Sorry babe, I don't think I can carry you down the stairs."

"Mmm, s'ok I can walk," Andy said sleepily, "thanks for bringing me this far." Andy slowly made her way to her room and fell into her bed. She had just enough brain power left to get her boots off before passing out. She sort of came to when she felt gentle hands shifting her under the blankets and a soft touch on her back. She sighed contentedly and fell back to sleep.

Andy woke the next morning feeling surprisingly rested. She got up, realized she was still in yesterday's clothes and was in desperate need of a shower. She wandered over to the shower room, change of clothes in hand. The bunker was quiet. It felt like it was early, and she figured the boys were probably still asleep. She marveled in the satisfaction of having a shower completely alone. She let her mind wander as the water fell over her. It went to Kevin and the tablet. He had been working hard and was slowly starting to let her take care of him a bit more. From there it wandered to Sam. The scent of blood in the car last night and what that might mean. Then Dean…her breath caught as she remembered the panic of the night before. But then she remembered the look in his eyes as she came back to herself. She knew that that look was only for her. How could he ever think that she would just abandon him. Because you've done it before, she thought bitterly. She blew out a frustrated breath. That was not the line of thinking she needed to follow. She needed to talk to Dean, not an easy prospect and it would have to be approached carefully, but she just needed to make a plan. She finished her shower with growing determination that she was not going to let Dean get so deep into his head that he couldn't come back from it. Armed with a plan Andy got dressed and went to make coffee.

Sam wandered into the kitchen as Andy was just starting to make eggs for breakfast.

"Morning," Andy said, glancing at him. He seemed to be ok, if a little tired. He grabbed a mug and gave Andy a side hug before pouring some coffee.

"Morning," he said back with a smile. Andy put a plate of eggs in front of him.

"You want toast?" Andy asked. Sam looked up at her a little sheepishly and nodded. Andy smiled and pulled two fresh slices out of the toaster. Kevin seemed to have been summoned by the smell of food, which Andy enthusiastically gave him. She was going to try and convince him to stay and eat in the kitchen, but he took his plate quietly and went back to his room muttering something about translations into ancient Aramaic. She shrugged and went back to the stove. Andy was just cooking up some bacon when Dean shuffled into the kitchen. He was looking slightly worse for wear. Apparently, late night 8-hour drives were not as easy anymore. Dean followed a very similar pattern to Sam in acquiring coffee, slipping an arm around Andy and kissing the top of her head as he walked by and sitting heavily at the table. Andy put a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him. The boys sat and ate in quiet companionship. When he was done Dean leaned back and ran a hand over his face.

"Thanks babe, that was just what I wanted," his voice was low and gravely, still clearly in the early stages of still waking up. Andy smiled and ruffled his bed head hair.

"I know how to please my man," she said.

"All right you two, find a room or something," Sam said grinning and started clearing the plates. Andy kissed Dean's cheek and went to continue her inventory of the apothecary. Dean watched her go carefully. She seemed ok, no evidence of the panic attack she had the previous night. Dean shook his head and rubbed a hand over his head and winced slightly.

"You ok?" Sam asked as he was washing the breakfast dishes.

"Yeah, just a bit of a headache," Dean replied. The full truth was his head was pounding, he had a distinctive scratchy feeling at the back of his throat, and he felt like he had just come off an all-nighter not a solid 6 hours of sleep. Dean sighed; he really did not have time to get sick right now.

Andy spent most of the day in the apothecary sorting, organizing, and cataloguing the items in it. Sam and Dean were doing similar work in the library. Dean brought Andy an amazing club sandwich for lunch, and they ate together chatting about what they had found.

"You ok sweetheart?" Andy asked when Dean rubbed a hand across his forehead for the second time in 10 minutes.

"Yeah, just a headache I haven't been able to shake," he said. Andy stood and moved behind Dean and started massaging his temples. He groaned with pleasure and leaned back into her.

"Did you take anything for it?" Andy asked as she moved her hands to his neck and continued to massage. Dean sighed and shook his head. "Do you want something?" He hesitated for a moment and then nodded. Andy was a little surprised. Dean was definitely the type to just tough it out. "Herbal or proper drugs?"

"Proper drugs please, none of your hoodoo nonsense," he said playfully. Andy rolled her eyes but went to get the med kit. She gave him two pills and he took them without comment. Then he reached out and took her hand, pulling her to stand in front of him. He looked at her seriously, searchingly.

"You ok?" he asked pointedly. Andy froze. She was not prepared to have this conversation yet. This had not been part of the plan. She looked back at him and took a calculated risk.

"You sure you want to have this conversation now?" she asked, finding the stool she had been sitting on. Dean nodded.

"I have never seen you panic like that Andy," Dean said, still holding her hand. Andy thought hard about how to respond.

"It started… a pretty long time ago. I…had some…really fucked up experiences in some of the worlds I was in before coming here and I…came out of it with a lot of…trauma, and then after that was the world that I ended up caring for Dyson's family while he was taken to a different world. That also had a lot of fucked up stuff happening so it all kind of compounded. I lost a lot of close people. People I loved in some horrendous ways. A few of them died in my arms…" Andy paused and looked away fighting back the memories creeping into her mind. Dean reached out to her and put a hand on her knee. She sighed out a long breath and kept going. "Anyway…last night…I got stuck in a spiral of being afraid that I would lose you and Sam and everything here." Andy paused again to take a couple more deep breaths. Dean was right there with her. Listening to it all. She couldn't believe that someone so in tune with her could ever think she would just leave. She considered asking him right then and there, but she couldn't figure out how to do it without letting on that Sam had tipped her off. "Anyway, I'm ok now. At least, for now, and you both worked me through it like experts so, if it happens again I know I'm in good hands," Andy said with a smile. Dean searched her face but seemed to be satisfied with her answer for the time being. "What do you say we cut this work early and watch some movies?" Andy said. Dean's face lit up. "I take that as a yes, I'll do a bit of a supply run, get some popcorn and other snacks. How's that sound?" Dean nodded and stood up. He kissed her softly, then had to turn away and catch a sudden cough in his fist.

"Sorry, don't know where that came from," he said, clearing his throat.

"I'll be back in a bit," Andy said and caressed his cheek. Andy was pretty sure now, and she thought that Dean was aware of it too. He was coming down with something. It was definitely early stages, but it was coming no question. She passed Sam on her way out.

"Hey Sam, do you need anything, I'm doing a run," she said hesitating at the bottom of the stairs as the scent of blood hit her, just like it had in the car. She had some suspicions, but it seemed like Dean wasn't the only Winchester that needed some sense talked into them.

"Nope, I'm good," Sam said. Andy nodded and headed out.

Andy came back with a collection of movie junk food, a few personal care supplies, and a med kit resupply that she guessed they were in sore need of considering what might be coming. She checked in with Kevin to see if there was any way to convince him to join them for a movie session. She thought he considered it for a second, then he shook his head.

"No, thanks, I feel like I'm close to something," and he turned back to the tablet. Andy shook her head and sighed, closing Kevin's door. She wasn't sure what to do with Kevin. She wished she could be more help, or supportive, but she was at a complete loss.

They had a nice afternoon watching movies and eating junk food. Dean offered to make dinner and came out with some awesome chili. Sam turned in early, and Dean decided to watch one more film while Andy went to read for a while. She passed by Sam's room and heard him quietly coughing, and she caught the slightest hint of blood in the air again. Resisting the urge to barge completely into his room, Andy stopped at Sam's door and knocked. She heard some hurried shuffling and then the door opened.

"Hey," Sam said, exhaling a breath. Clearly she was not who he was expecting.

"Hey, I think it's time we had a chat," Andy said, pushing into the room. Sam quietly closed the door and hung his head.

"Look, I know what –" Sam started. Andy held up a hand.

"Sam, I'm not here to scold you for hiding things. I get it, you want to show us, show Dean that you can handle this. I for one know you can handle this, but I also know that you are not at 100%." She said matter-of-factly.

"How long?" Sam asked, sitting heavily onto his bed.

"Since I smelled blood in the car coming back from St. Louis. You know you're going to have to come clean eventually. Dean will see it."

"I know, but…I just…"

"I know, kid," Andy said. "The main issue right now is I think your brother is getting sick, and I don't think it is a good idea for you to be around him. I really don't want to find out what something like a flu virus would do to you when you're in this state. So, here is the deal. I will do my best to isolate Dean when he finally admits he's sick, and you do your best to be scarce ok?" Sam looked at her stunned but nodded. "Ok, good. I'll let you know how it goes and if we need to shift anything," Andy went to him and put an arm around his shoulders. She rested her cheek against then kissed the top of his head. "Good night Sammy," she finished and left the room.

Andy wandered back to the library where she had left Dean sitting in an armchair with the laptop. He had his feet up on a second chair, arms crossed over his chest, laptop precariously balanced on his legs. His head lolled to one side and his eyes were closed. Andy stood watching him for a second. Then figured she should rescue the laptop before it fell. She picked it up and Dean stirred, sucking in a startled breath, his head jerking up to center. He winced slightly and rubbed his eyes. He blinked up at Andy, the skin around his eyes was tight and his forehead creased.

"Still sporting that headache babe?" Andy asked as she put the laptop on one of the tables. Dean nodded and stretched. He seemed to take stock of himself for a second. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. He ran one hand through his hair and looked up at her again.

"Andy," he said, licking his lips, "I don't feel good, I think I'm coming down with something." Dean sounded exhausted. Andy stared at him in utter disbelief. Dean Winchester just admitted to not being ok…of his own volition…without a fight…what the hell was happening?

"I'm sorry sweetheart," Andy said sympathetically, laying a hand on his back and rubbing long lines along his spine "let's go to bed babe. Get enough rest and you'll feel better in no time." Andy held out a hand to him which he grabbed, and she pulled him to his feet. They walked hand in hand to Dean's room. Andy pulled him inside and sat him down on his bed. She went over to his dresser and pulled out a soft t-shirt and sweats for him to change into. His movements were sluggish, like his muscles were protesting being made to function. Dean slid under the covers without comment and held an arm out for Andy to slide in next to him. She did just that, facing him and twinning her legs with his. His eyes were closed, and he sighed contentedly once she had settled. She reached out a hand, gently running her fingers through his hair. It took less than two minutes before his breathing was even and his face relaxed in sleep.

She woke a few hours later in an empty bed. Andy sighed and hoped that Dean had just gone to get water or to the bathroom. She waited…and waited…she sighed again and got out of bed and softly opened the door. She stopped at Sam's door and very carefully cracked it open. She saw the sleeping form of Sam's toes nearly hanging off the end of his bed, arms splayed up by his head. His breathing was a bit harsh, but he was sleeping soundly. She closed his door and started towards the kitchen. Then she heard a cough…but not from Sam's room. She continued down the hall to the bathroom. She could hear Dean trying to suppress the crackling coughs that were tearing their way out of him. Andy knocked softly on the door.

"Babe, you ok?" She heard a full barking cough escape him. Andy decided to risk the repercussions and opened the door. Dean was braced against the sink, head hung low, breathing heavily. He glanced up at Andy.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he said roughly and spat into the sink. He turned the tap on and scooped some water into his mouth then stood. He swayed slightly, reaching out to grasp the sink again for support. Andy reached up and pressed the back of her hand to Dean's head. It was distinctly warm. Dean closed his eyes, sinking into her touch.

Well hell… Andy thought. Seemed like whatever Dean was coming down with had descended with a vengeance.

"Oh sweetheart, you're running a little hot. Here," Andy reached around Dean and opened the cabinet above the sink and pulled out the bottle of flu meds she had got when she first suspected Dean was coming down with something. She shook two out and gave them to Dean. He stared at them for a moment, then shrugged and popped them in his mouth, turned the tap on and scooped more water into his mouth. "Come on babe, back to bed," Andy said, taking his hand and guiding him out of the bathroom. He followed her in a daze. She settled him back in bed kissing him gently on the head.

"Andy, I think you should go back to your room," he said, not really sounding like he actually wanted her to. "I don't want to get you sick," Dean said, coughing again into his fist.

"Sunshine, name one time you have actually gotten me sick?" she said smoothing Dean's hair. Dean thought for a second.

"Werewolf, when I was 19," he said simply. Andy stared at him.

"You were unconscious for that…"

"Bobby told me what you did…and what happened after…"

"That old codger," Andy said under her breath, "that doesn't count, you didn't get me sick, I got me sick."

"Still counts to me," Dean said.

"So, one time, in the years I've been taking care of you, you've 'got me sick' one time. I think I'll survive. But, if you really want, and you promise to get some sleep, I'll go back to my room." Dean sighed and nodded; Andy ran her fingers through his hair one more time.

"Sleep well babe, and please, if you need anything, come get me." Dean nodded and snuggled into his blanket. Andy went back to her room and curled into her own bed.

She woke up late, comparatively. It was quiet. She got up and padded over to Sam's door and knocked softly.

"It's open," she heard from within. She pushed the door open. Sam was sitting up in bed with his laptop eyes flicking back and forth as he read whatever was on the screen. He glanced up and Andy and smiled.

"Morning, how's Dean?"

"Still sleeping I hope, whatever got him came on hard and fast. I don't think I'll have to push too hard to keep him in bed for most of the day so if you want out of isolation I think you'll be good for today," Andy said with a wink. Sam nodded and coughed lightly. Andy left him and went to check in on Dean. He was curled in a tight ball completely wrapped in the blanket. As Andy moved over to him she saw a shiver run through him. Andy knelt next to the bed and looked at her sick lover. Even in the gentle light from the doorway she could see Dean was pale and had a thin sweat coating his face. His breathing was heavy, and she saw him shudder again as another chill ripped through him. She turned on the lamp on his desk and went back to the bed and laid a hand gently on Dean's head. He was burning up. Andy sighed. As usual, Dean never did anything halfway. She wanted to get his fever down a bit, so she went and got a damp cloth, some water and the flu meds. Kneeling next to the bed again. she pressed the cloth to the back of Dean's neck. He flinched and sucked in a breath through his teeth. His eyes flashed open, and he looked at Andy with eyes that were clearly not focusing.

"Andy?" Dean said, licking his lips.

"Hey baby, it's me," Andy said, running a hand through his hair.

"'S cold," he said slightly slurred.

"You've got a pretty high fever sweetheart," Andy said, keeping her hand moving through his hair. Dean closed his eyes. She moved the cloth, refolding it and placed it on Dean's forehead. He winced slightly, but his eyes stayed closed. He was quiet while she wiped the fever sweat off his face. So much that Andy thought he had fallen asleep again.

"Andy," Dean murmured.
"Yea sweetheart?"

"Please…don't leave," Dean said suddenly in a small shaky voice, opening his eyes again. The 'please' pulled at her. It was sad and almost desperate.

"I'm right here baby," Andy said, her brow furrowing, "I'm not going anywhere."

"Couldn't do it if you left," Dean said in a mumble.

"Do what baby?"

"Survive."

Andy's heart lurched. She had hoped he was just asking her to stay with him while he was sick. Now she knew…

"Why do you think I'm going to leave sweetheart?"

"Jus' a feeling," he said. There was a long pause. "Dyson's back now; thought maybe…" he trailed off. Andy sighed and took Dean's hand and kissed it. Sam had been right. Andy's stomach flipflopped because, of course Sam had been right. Which meant that the choice she made four years ago was still fresh enough in his mind that Dean would think she would just abandon him again in a moment. She couldn't even describe to herself what mixed up emotions she was feeling about that.

"Dean, we are going to have a talk about this when you aren't a delirious fevered mess but listen to me right now. I love you. I also love Dyson. But right now, in this time, in this place, I love you, and I will be with you, as long as you want me," she said, "and I will say that to you as many times as it takes before it gets through your thick head that I only want you."

They stayed like that for a long moment, forehead to forehead, listening to each other breathe. A shiver ran through Dean again and Andy snapped back to reality. She pulled back and kissed Dean lightly on the head. She didn't like the heat that was coming off of him.

"Do you think you can sit up for a second babe? I want to get some meds in you."

Dean nodded and struggled for a moment to unwrap himself from the twisted mess of the bedclothes he had made. When he finally did it he collapsed back on the bed, panting.

"God, Andy I feel like ass," he whined.

"I'm sure you do," Andy said back. Andy helped him sit up. He winced slightly as he did. "Sorry sweetheart, I know it hurts," she said and passed him some pills and water. He took them gratefully and looked at her.

"I'm so tired Andy," Dean said, Andy nodded with a small knowing smile. But then Dean went on: "I'm so tired of losing people…I can't lose you too, not again." Andy swallowed back a mix of tears and annoyance and climbed up into the bed with Dean. She pulled him against her, and he settled into her, his head tucked under her chin as she rubbed soothing lines along his back.

"Go to sleep sweetheart, we can talk later," Andy said.

She let Dean fall completely asleep before she slowly extracted herself from his arms. She walked out and quietly shut the door. Then she put her back against the wall and slowly sank down to the floor. Why did Sam have to be right? She put her head in her hands and sat there for a long while. She didn't hear Sam when he came down the hall.

"Andy? You ok?" he asked. Andy jumped and looked up at him. There were tears streaming down her face. Sam's face changed and he was at her side in a moment. "Andy, what's wrong? Is Dean ok?"

Andy let out a sharp bark of a laugh and nodded her head.

"He's ok Sam," Andy's voice cracked slightly, "I mean he's sick, but he's ok."

"Ok…ok good, what's going on then?"

"You were right," Andy said, wiping the tears away.

"I was right about what?"

"He's freaking out about Dyson…he asked me not to leave him."

"Oh…Oh," Sam said as the connection was made his face fell. "I'm sorry Andy."

"Nothing to be sorry for Sam, I know you know…he was your brother first. It just hurts, like a lot, to know that that is where his mind goes," Andy said leaning her head back against the wall with the soft thud. Sam held out a hand to Andy. She looked at it for a moment, then let Sam pull her up off the floor and wrapped her in a hug. She clung to him for a moment. Then she gave herself a little shake and gently pulled out of Sam's arms.

"Come on," she said, giving him an affectionate pat on the chest, "let's let him sleep."

Andy and Sam spent the next couple of days continuing their inventory of the bunker. Andy checked on Dean regularly, making him drink water, have a little bit of hot soup, and take meds. Dean was pretty much out of commission for three days. He was oddly compliant and did what Andy told him to, which she appreciated. He stayed in bed most of the time, took his meds like a champ, and rested more than he had in months. Luckily his fever came down and stayed at a point just to make him feel miserable, but he wasn't delirious anymore. Andy brooded during the day and did her best to hide it. She still wasn't sure how to talk with Dean about what he had said. She didn't know how to tell him that, as much as Dyson would always be important to her, in the here and now, Dean was more so, and there was no way she would leave him ever again.

The evening of the third day she sent the other boys to bed not long after she and Sam shared a simple dinner with Kevin. Both he and Sam were holding up well, but she could see that Sam was wearing down a bit, and Kevin looked like he could sleep for a week straight. Andy puttered around the kitchen for a while, doing dishes and some light cleaning when she heard someone at the door. She turned to see Dean, in a clean shirt and fresh sweatpants. He was still pale and seemed to be moving a bit slowly, but his eyes were clear.

"Hey babe," she said with what she hoped was a real smile "you feeling a bit better?" Dean didn't say anything, just walked over to her and put his arms around her, pulling her close. Andy closed her eyes and took in the feel of him. He was still a little too warm, but for the moment, she didn't care. Dean loosened his hold on her, and she looked up at him. She could see on his face that he was thinking hard about something.

"You ok?" Andy asked, guessing what the answer would be "need anything?" Dean looked longingly at her and leaned his head against hers.

"You," he said with a sigh.

"You've got me," she said softly. He took her hand and led her out of the kitchen and back towards his bedroom. Dean sat her on the bed and sat next to her. Andy pulled her legs up and crossed them, settling in for a hard talk. Dean didn't seem to be able to look at her. Not knowing how to start talking either. So, Andy sat there quietly. Finally, Dean took a deep breath.

"I know I said some things…while I was out of it," he started. Andy nodded. Dean paused, ran a hand down his face and took another deep breath. "God I'm so bad at this. I don't know how to say what I'm thinking or what I'm feeling. I want to tell you that it's all fine and I'm ok and all that usual crap, but…you deserve more than that. Andy, you deserve so much more and so much better." He finally turned to look at her. She saw the tears in his eyes. "I know you told me that you would be here, but…I…I'd understand if –" Andy put a hand up to stop Dean speaking.

"I swear Dean Winchester, if you say you'd understand if I wanted to leave I will kill you, get Cas to resurrect you, and kill you again," she all but growled. She took his face in her hands and looked him straight in the eyes. "Don't you dare think that there is anyone that I will put in front of you, don't you dare think that I deserve more or better. You are my more, you are my better," Andy saw the look as Dean closed his eyes. He wanted to believe her, but he wasn't getting there. "Dean, I look at you…what you're putting on yourself here…it hurts. Like, it physically hurts to see you doing this to yourself. You keep so much inside. So much that you don't let anyone see you. Ever. Even when you're sitting on the hood of your car baring your soul to Sam or me, it's still not really you. Because you don't show the part where you think you're worthless. No good for anyone. Not to your dad, not to Sam, not to me. You put the walls up and you don't let anyone passed," She didn't know if any of this was getting through to him, but she was in it now, and she couldn't stop. His eyes were open again, watching her intently.

"You are the farthest thing from worthless Dean. You are worth everything. You are brilliant, kind, loving, selfless. You have done so much for so many people. Please…" now Andy had tears collecting in her eyes, "please believe me, you are everything to me. Please believe that you deserve more than me, but I am too selfish to give you up for anyone or anything. Dean, you're my family, and I know it's never enough, but I will say it every single day, every hour if I have to – I love you," she kissed his cheek. "Dean I need you," she kissed his other cheek. "You are everything to me Dean," she kissed his head and once again pressed her head against his. "I love you," she whispered. Dean let out a shaky breath, leaned back and looked at Andy, tracks of tears rolling down his face. Something in his face stopped Andy short. He reached up and put a hand to her cheek, brushing away her tears. Brown eyes met green. His eyes searched Andy's face, like he was memorizing her features. Then he smiled warmly, shook his head, and huffed out something between a laugh and a soft sob and looked back at her.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you Andy," he said simply. Then Dean kissed her. Clearly, he had gotten over his fear of getting her sick, because he kissed her openly and deeply. Eventually they both just folded into each other and fell asleep, both completely exhausted body and soul.

Andy woke up a few hours later, drenched in sweat. It took her brain a little while to clue in to where she was. She rolled over and reached out for Dean. The moment she touched him, she figured out what was happening. His fever had broken, and he was completely soaked. Dean stirred when she touched him and rolled towards Andy as well.

"Morning," Andy said softly. Dean hummed back at her and pulled her into a hug. "Oh god, Dean, you're so sweaty. Let go!" Andy said laughing.

"Mmm, but you feel nice," Dean mumbled into her hair.

"That's sweet baby, but we are both going to need a shower before I feel nice," she said, pushing Dean playfully away. She got up and turned on the light. Dean groaned dramatically and squinted at her. Something had changed between them. Andy felt almost light, and Dean was looking at her with a peace that she hadn't seen…ever. Andy held out a hand to him.

"Come on babe, let's take a shower. You'll feel better," she said smiling. He grinned back at her and followed Andy out the door.