Zim the Warlord: Irken Reversion
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim or anything else here
"Our top story! The Membrance Lab Keystone was subjected to a kidnapping last night, in which the perpetrators managed to disable the lights long enough to steal away with the legendary scientist. Luckily, Professor Membrane was able to escape his captors during the getaway. It is said that all the culprits were apprehended, but neither the police nor Membrane Security is giving any more details on whom these criminals are or who they work for. However, despite this incident, the plans for Peace Day are still a go."
"You really think it's a good idea, Dad? You were almost kidnapped! Shouldn't you, I don't know, put the bracelet thing on the backburner?" Dib suggested hopefully as they walked through the living room.
"Nonsense, Son! Besides, I only let myself be stolen for the sake of finding out who they were working for," Membrane reminded reassuringly.
"Yeah, still can't believe Zim came to help you," Dib said flatly.
"I can't believe Dad isn't giving him any credit," Gaz added in from the sofa.
"Gaz, I was just worried about their employer causing trouble for your friend if he was mentioned," Membrane assured.
"Honestly not sure if he'd care if they did, Dad, but like you, I think he'll appreciate the effort," Gaz accepted with a shrug.
"Don't worry, I do have a present planned for Zim," Membrane added in with a smile behind his coat.
"Why do both of you like him so mu-wait, did you say Zim? Not the foreign boy or something like that?" Dib questioned with wide, suspicious eyes.
"Hmm? I suppose I did," Membrane said in amusement.
Dib shook his head as he refocused on the subject. "Never mind about Zim. But if...whoever they are, managed to get that far in, how can you be sure that they didn't compromise your Membracelets?" he pointed out.
"Oh! I see your concern, Dib, but there's no need to be concerned," Membrane assured, patting his son on the head.
"Because they're perfect and incorruptible?" Dib asked flatly with his arms crossed.
"No, because someone already tried to sabotage the decoys that I had stored at the keystone," Membrance explained proudly as Dib gaped. "We did a double check scan this morning on the real ones, just to be sure, and as we said: all is a go. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go oversee the operations for passing out the Membracelets worldwide. Bye, Children! Have a nice day and don't wait on me for diner. I have no idea how late or early I'll be today."
"Do you really care that he was kidnapped?" Gaz asked, peeking over the couch with a raised eyebrow. "Or are you just using it to get him to not use the bracelets to avoid this thing Zim talked about?"
"Both," Dib said flatly as he walked around to sit with her.
"Really? Cause I don't remember you chasing after them with us," Gaz retorted with a small smirk.
"Yeah, well, I was a bit preoccupied at the time, and the lights going out complicated things," Dib said, looking away with a scowl.
"With what, the bathroom?" Gaz asked rhetorically as she took a drink of soda.
"No, just trying to make the Membracelets not work," Dib answered with a sigh.
Gaz did a spit take, looking to her brother in shock. "You did what?! Oh, and didn't Zim call it, he said you'd do something stupid last night!" she accused, shaking her head in disbelief.
"What'd you want me to do?! Just stand back and watch the Earth be destroyed? Cause, you know, some of us aren't fine selling off our freedom to get a ride off world!" Dib yelled back with a glare.
And immediately had Gaz's fist in his stomach, making him groan in pain and resist the urge to vomit from the literal gut punch. "I didn't sell anything, Dib," she growled in his ear before pulling back.
"A-and that makes it better?!" Dib questioned, his voice squeaking from the attack.
Gaz just pinched the bride of her nose. "Dib, a while back, Dad made a machine that could have made endless perpetual energy," she reminded through gritted teeth.
"What does that-?" Dib tried to ask, only for Gaz to interrupt and continue.
"He didn't use it because people were being rude idiots while you were off being a robot, but if he had, it might have destroyed all life on earth. Until Zim tried to make it do just that, you didn't give much of a rat's ass about that project," Gaz pointed out.
Dib blinked as he realized the logic fault. "Umm, Zim is taking it seriously enough to evacuate?" he tried nervously.
"And he didn't that time?" Gaz countered.
Dib opened and closed his mouth as he scratched his head thoughtfully. "Okay, I honestly forgot that part. A lot of Zim's old plans and how I stop them blur some times," he added before turning back with a triumphant look. "But Dad knew that generator could destroy the world, he had all the facts! He doesn't know that now!"
Gaz slapped a hand against her face at that. "Scientists thought smashing particles together might make a black hole! Zim himself said the chances of world-ending effects were on the lower side. For all you know, Dad already knows the risks."
Dib deflated a bit at that. "Okay, yeah, I feel a little dumb now. But seriously, why are you okay with Zim saying he's going to keep you as a trophy?"
Gaz snorted. "Dib, he gave me a laser beam gauntlet to help with the rescue, and said I'd be getting it permanently once he claimed me. I think what you think he's going to do to me is way off to what he plans to do-"
"Oh My God! Do you have a crush on Zim!?" Dib accused in horror.
"What the-?! Why would-?! How did you even make that jump in logic!?" Gaz yelled in disbelief.
"You're not denying it!" Dib pointed out.
"I'm not denying the sky is green either, but that doesn't mean it is!" Gaz countered. "Name one good reason you have to think that!"
"This just in!" the TV news sounded, grabbing their attention to it, showing scenes of Membrane employees selling Membracelets all over the world. "After fixing a mass supply machine of Membracelets, the Professor has made a surprise announcement. A young boy living in his hometown, referred to only as Zim, will be receiving a fully paid internship at Membrane Labs. That must be one bright boy to receive the full attention of the smartest man in the world!"
The Membrane children stared for another instance before Dib made a numb comment. "I'm not sure if that helps my argument or not."
Gaz was broken out of her stupor by the phone ringing. "Dad, is that you?"
"Please put Zim on loud mode, Gazling," Zim's voice deadpan requested.
Gaz blinked before following the command. "You're on," she informed, wondering where this was going.
"Okay, yeah, for the record, Zim was not in any loops about this," the Irken informed over the line.
"Zim! What have you done?! Did you brainwash my father?! Clone him?! Blackmail?!" Dib demanded, ripping the phone from Gaz.
"What did Zim just say, Dib-stink?! What words just came from Zim's glorious voice!?" Zim yelled back. "Besides, Gazling already knows I can't clone your father. Convincingly. So, again, I had absolutely no idea your spawner was going to give me such a gift."
"Do you even know what an intern is?" Gaz asked curiously.
"A recruit, for his corporation. It actually sounds interesting, so I'm starting to hope that this Childergy thing blows over with only minor effects. Also, what is blackmail? Is this one of those racist things you humans do?" Zim asked curiously.
"No, it's more like extortion," Gaz elaborated offhandedly.
"I don't suppose you'll help stop it?" Dib asked hopefully.
"Dib-head, this is literally inevitable. Especially with the energy already discovered and made known to the masses. Best just to...Gazling, human phrase for dealing with something now?" he ordered.
"Rip that Band-Aid off now?" Gaz replied with a tilted head.
"Yes, tear that feeble medical adhesive off so that your kind might move forward," Zim declared, almost sounding encouraging.
"Oi," Dib paused, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay, Zim? Do me this one favor right now; tell me some of the positive ways this can go?"
"Umm, okay? On the spot, I'd say: Able to breath in all environments, life extension, passing memories onto your smeets, an overall mass increase in intelligence…Oh, and being able to eat dirt," Zim listed off randomly.
"How is that a good thing?" Dib asked in confusion.
"There is more dirt in the universe than water, Dib-Stink," Zim pointed out factually.
"What'd your kind get?" Gaz asked in interest.
"We lost our wings, actually," Zim answered. "You can't see it, but I'm shrugging."
"Irken's had wings?" Dib asked in surprise. "Not sure if I'm glad or not that I won't have to deal with that."
"Yeah, our tech has long filled that void. Besides, they only came in after you got in your twenties," Zim informed, the two growing silent at that. "Twenty in Irken, you two."
"Oh, right. So, two-hundred," Gaz realized.
"An Irken year is a decade?" Dib deduced as he calculated in his head before growing very alarmed. "Zim is a hundred-sixty?!"
"One hundred sixty-two, thank you," Zim corrected pointedly. "Oh, wait, coma. Sixty-three!"
"That's, that's just sick," Dib stated with a glare.
"Diiiiib," Gaz glared in warning.
"How is Zim's age an ailment?" Zim asked with a scowl.
"You're trying to enslave my sister!" Dib yelled back.
"Dib!"
"Not trying to, going to. And I've stated so before, what does Zim's age change about it?" Zim asked, completely at a loss.
"She's not even thirteen!" Dib added in exasperation.
"Yes? And you humans have enslaved children before," Zim countered.
"Yeah, and pretty everyone in the modern world hates people who had slaves!" Dib reminded.
"Modern human world, so not a reason for me to care. Also, that still doesn't explain what the issues of ages are here. What exactly is it you don't want Zim to do to your sister for another...five? Ten earth years? When is human minimum maturity age again? Doesn't matter, point is, I can wait that time out easily," Zim stated bluntly.
"Dib."
The Membrane boy finally looked up, and squeaked. Gaz was standing over him with a ring of fire over her head and an aura of screaming souls behind her, giving him a stare of death and pain.
"Ignore him, Zim, he's just being an idiot again," Gaz requested, giving Dib a warning look.
"Yes, and I can hear your terrifying aura for no reason at all," Zim retorted with a snort. "I almost wish I had left the collar on you."
"Collar?" Dib repeated in surprise, and maybe some dread.
"The energy gauntlet thing," Gaz clarified bluntly.
Dib stared for a moment as he processed the implications of that. "You give your slaves weapons?" Dib asked in legitimate surprise.
"Zim does, yes," Zim answered honestly. "Do either of you partake in seafood?"
The conservation shift was so sudden and random that Gaz lost her anger, looking as perplexed as Dib. "Seafood?" they repeated.
"Yes, I've discovered a bizarre anomaly of my own: Not only can my body tolerate earthian seafood, of all things, but I genuinely enjoy it! I'm wasting away some of my stored up human currency, so do either of you want anything? Lobster, crab, catfish, shrimp?" Zim offered generously. "Do frogs count as seafood?"
"We'll...we'll have whatever you're having," Dib answered, looking nervously at Gaz.
"Very well, I shall be there soon to witness this, one way or another, historic day for your kind with you. Also, Dib, you're not invited to join us when I rescue your sister if the world is doomed, but you are more than welcome to leave on your own if you get the Tak ship running," Zim pointed out.
Dib scrunched his eyebrow. "Why are you telling me that?"
"If I didn't, you'd probably stow away on my ship. Probably because of Gir, somehow," Zim answered. "Anyway, I'm next in line, be there soon! Feel free to waste the Dib, Gazling! We'd have more food for the trip back to Irk in that case!"
"See you soon, Zim," Gaz said, pressing the button to end the call as she glared at Dib. "Now, what exactly were you trying to suggest, DIB!?"
Timeskip
Zim whistled a tune to himself as he pressed the doorbell, only quitting when it opened to reveal Dib, covered in many minor injuries, including what might have been a burn to the head. "Zim," Dib greeted with a deadpan expression.
"Dib-brains," Zim returned, motioning to the boxes of seafood under his arm. "I brought Short Joe Gold."
"Right, just...just come on in," Dib said in defeat.
"Dib," Zim spoke up before he could move in. Dib paused, glancing back at Zim's curious scowl. "You do realize that by claiming Gaz as my trophy that I imply I'm going to take care of her, correct?" Zim stated as Dib perked up, looking at him in surprise. "A trophy is something one shows off, Dib, and protects from others that would try to damage or steal it. It's not something one would intentionally apply undo stress or risk upon."
"Why are you telling me this?" Dib asked cautiously.
Zim cocked his head. "Do not misunderstand, Human. I have not grown sentimental towards you and I do not pity you. If there is any, it is just for the miserable microorganisms that are forced to inhabit your body. As for why? No matter what happens, Dib-stink, I will be alive tomorrow. As will your sister. You and the Professor have...varying chances of survival. Larger than the rest of the population, undoubtedly. Still, if this is your last day, through no action of either of us? I see no reason to have you agonize over what you mistakenly believe I will do to my Gaz-slave," he stated simply.
"You're trying to say you'll make her happy?" Dib questioned skeptically.
"Is she ever happy?" Zim retorted in amusement.
"Are you two done?" Gaz asked flatly, making Dib jump as he realized Gaz was in the doorway with him. "Come on, you're letting the bugs in and the food is getting cold."
"What is the point of this microwave you humans treasure if not for that?" Zim asked blandly. "Oh, and Dib? A hundred sixty-three on Earth is still only sixteen among Irken."
Dib watched with interest as his enemy and his little sister started unboxing the food on the table. Over the years, Zim had fooled every human in one way or another, but Dib prided himself in being able to see through every act and ploy, to an extent. And Gaz was never fooled by him either.
So how was he supposed to interpret this moment when he didn't hear any lie in what Zim said about Gaz?
More importantly, what was he supposed to make of the fact that Zim's smile didn't look fake?
Or Gaz's for that matter?
Dib took a deep breath. "Zim?" he spoke up.
"Yes?" Zim answered, looking up from the two dipping sauces.
"I'm going to say something I never thought I would," Dib said, taking a pause to ready himself. "Thhhrakin wo," he strained to say.
"Umm, Zim is sorry, what?" Zim questioned in bewilderment.
Dib growled. "I said: Stinkin mout!" he tried again.
"Is he cursing me? Gazling, I feel like he's cursing me," Zim stated.
"I think he's having a stroke," Gaz answered with raised brows at her brother.
"For the love of-! THANK YOU! There, I said it!" Dib yelled in frustration.
"Oh, you're welcome," Zim accepted with a smile before looking confused. "For what, exactly?"
"For saving my dad, even if he had it under control," Dib clarified with a sigh.
"Ahh. Well, that was mostly to field test my new body," Zim admitted, raising his new pair of arms for effect.
"Since when did you have those?!" Dib asked in shock, jumping back.
"You didn't see them when I cured you?" Zim asked, surprised himself.
"I honestly just accepted that as a hallucination from the medicine," Dib explained in bewilderment. "Do I want to know what else changed?"
"Truthfully, no, you don't," Zim admitted honestly. "But check this out," he said, tossing a shrimp in the air, his tongue lashing out to impale it with the dart, zipping back in like a frog tongue.
"Okay, that was cool!" Gaz said with a smirk.
"Freaky, kind of scary in implications, but...yeah, that was pretty cool," Dib agreed as he picked out some fried fish. "So, legitimately curious here, why does seafood work for you when meat doesn't?" he asked in confusion.
"Well, my kind actually has no issues with meat, or water for that matter. Your world's pollutions and chemicals are the real poison. That said, something in how your kind cleans the ocean meat must lessen the toxicity to Irkens," Zim reasoned as he got into the box of crabs. "Also, is the pitiful meat within these shells worth the eff-"
"Yes," both siblings answered instantly and flatly.
Zim blinked at that. "These must be good for you two to be in perfect, synchronized agreement over them."
The trio settled into a shockingly casual time of eating and chatting as they watched the potential end of the world of humans unfold on live television.
"Hey, Zim?" Dib spoke up.
"For the last time, Dib-stink, I will not waste this time trying to explain to you the private nature of what bonding with a pak the first time is like," Zim stated forcefully.
"No, no. I was just wondering, about your kind losing your wings? What did you guys do? I mean, Dad's doing this Peace Day thing, what did the Irkens do to set their Childergy-incident off?" Dib questioned curiously.
"Please tell me it wasn't anything too stupid," Gaz requested with a scowl.
"That one is lost to pre-pak history, but we think we made our first supercomputer," Zim answered idly.
"Really? How did that happen?" Dib asked in confusion.
"Irkens have an innate, biological knack for connecting our minds and bodies with technology. We use a bit of that energy in doing so, but we supposedly had hundreds of thousands of our kind just working as relays for that project," Zim explained.
"So...you guys are technomancers?" Dib summarized uncertainly. "Technopaths?"
"I guess? Honestly, this is one of "those things." You know, it's something almost universal for your kind, but you find out another doesn't have it or do it, and it's really hard to understand how one can live like that?" Zim elaborated, waving one of his hands back in forth.
"Shh, it's almost done you guys!" Gaz shushed, motioning to the TV.
"There we are! Ninety-five percent completion!" Professor Membrane announced on a stage, over a cheering of crowds across the world. "The final gaps are closing and the minor obstacles are being overcome or bypassed. Hmm, one moment people," he requested, touching a communication device in his ears. "Ahh, those are our agents and employees, helping children around the world to complete the circle. We requested all those with children in the family to volunteer them for the "reserve unit" as they have dubbed it: The children being flown to wherever an extra link in the chain is required. It seems we needed a great many to loom around a volcano."
"Huh, guess they missed one," Dib mused as he took a sip of a soda.
"Miss what, a child?" Zim asked with a scowl.
"Nah, a volcano. Dad had all the gaps patched or bridged over, but much as Dad hates it, one always slips through the crack," Dib explained.
"Shhh," Gaz shushed again with a glare. To Dib's annoyance, Zim just found the look entertaining.
"Ninety-seven, eight, nine...nine and a quarter, nine again. Come on people, what do I pay you for?!" Membrane cried out, tapping his foot with his arms raised in excited exasperation. "Annnnnnd, there it is! 100%!"
The screen changed to show images of children all over the world, a bright aura spreading over them from the bracelets.
"Don't be alarmed! Children, don't let go, the surge shall pass briefly!" Membrane assured confidently.
"Well, this is it," Dib said with a sigh. "Gaz, you're a hellion little sister, but I love you."
"Dib, you're extremely annoying, but you are the smartest idiot in the world," Gaz said truthfully.
"Thanks? I think," Dib accepted, deciding to take what he could get. "Zim, it's been an honor fighting you."
"And, the horrid memory of your putrid resistance is forever burned into my memories, Dib," Zim said in mock sadness before pulling a strange device from his Pak that was shaped like a large tuning fork with a screen in the gap. "This device shall tell me the fate of this pathetic world once-"
That was the precise instant the glowing stopped. "And it's done! Ladies and gentlemen, people of the world! I give you the Greatest Peace Ever Known To Earth!" Membrane declared with open arms as cheers were heard all over the world, literally.
"That happens," Zim finished with a cocked brow before turning to his device.
"Wouldn't we know by now if the world is ending?" Dib asked, looking around in concern.
"I never claimed these effects were instant, Dib-head. Good or ill, the true extent of this event could take years, decades, or happen over generations," Zim explained as he fiddled with the device. "Aaaaaaand- huh, what do you know? Humanity won't be entering the extinction list any time soon," Zim congratulated.
"YES! Score one for earth!" Dib cheered, jumping from his seat, proceeding to do a dance that Zim was tempted to say was taught by Gir.
Gaz rolled her eyes. "Guess you won't be claiming anyone for a while, Zim," she jibbed with a smirk to the alien, only to scowl in confusion as he looked...troubled, his eyes narrowed and his frown deep. He glanced up at the television showing the Professor again, then back at his device.
Without warning, he stood up and headed to the door. "Enjoy the food," he said tonelessly as he marched out.
Dib stopped dancing at that in confusion, watching as Zim exited the house before the human remembered something important. "Wait, Zim, what did that do?!" he called after, running out the door, only to blink as he found the Irken had vanished completely. "I have got to get some of Dad's goggles."
Gaz just scowled from the doorway. She hated to admit it, but she was hoping the little get together would extend into an after-party of sorts. It was...pleasant to have those two in the same room without them screaming; or at least fighting. Zim's voice was rarely what one would call quiet and Dib wasn't much better. Still, the look on Zim's face, that spelt trouble. And she was pretty sure Dib knew that too.
Zim, meanwhile, sat on the steps of his hover throne, not really caring where he sat while he got home. He just kept staring at the Irken results, double checking the device and results for any errors. While the alphabet would mean nothing to any of earth, it was crystal clear to him.
"Anomaly Preliminary Results: Ingress Rift and corresponding Egress Rift locations both created within Earth's vicinity.
Expulsion rate of energies from Ingress Rift and Egress Rift are stable in flow bbut extremely critical in quantity.
Predicted Range of Anomaly's Effect: Locally Omni-Bearing
Nature of planet Earth updating to include the following traits:
MAGIC and PSIONIC."
Zim just starred before saying five words to summarize his thoughts. "Krif me in the spooch."
End of Chapter
Hello again, folks! Yeah, I caught a writing bug, finished up three chapters, each a different story, all yesterday. but my beta couldn't handle three in one setting, understandably, so here we are.
Anyway, there you have it, the big event. Nothing immediate happened, but Zim never said it would be immediate. And while the Earth isn't gonig to be destroyed, something has changed big. Two somethings, really, as Magics and Psionics are now a thing on earth. Which sounds awesome, but Zim doesn't seem too thrilled with it.
Also, yes, Zim is now an Intern at Membrane Labs, and Dib tried to accuse Zim of something very nasty. But all that aside, we actually had a nice moment or two with Zim and the Membrane children.