Zim the Warlord: Irken Reversion
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim or anything else here
"Why are we doing this?" Dib asked tonelessly as he walked with Gaz.
"Because Dad asked us to give Zim his intern pass?" Gaz reminded with a raised eyebrow as she carried a briefcase. "Your brain getting too swollen in there, or were you not listening?"
"Okay, I'll rephrase: Why am I doing this? Why would I ever want to give Zim a literal pass into Membrane Labs?" Dib asked with a scowl as they stood in front of the house.
"I don't know, Dib. I just started walking and you kept on following," Gaz answered uncaringly. "Now, do you have anything else stupid to say?"
"Only that it's probably best I don't leave you and your boyfriend alone," Dib answered with his arms crossed, jumping forward to dodge Gaz's retaliation, "Ha! Miss-GAH!"
Gaz smirked as Dib fell from getting zapped by the laser eyes of the guard gnomes. "Well, that was worth the walk," Gaz mused, stepping around her brother as he picked himself up.
"Guess Zim rearmed the systems since he's staying," Dib realized, watching the gnomes warily as they stared back at him with ominously glowing eyes. "Why aren't they attacking you?"
"They probably know better," Gaz remarked as she pressed the doorbell.
"Hello, smelly fellow Earthlings! You have reached the Home of Zim, who can't come to the door right now. Please leave a message after the ding," Zim's voice echoed out to them.
"...Zim's got a voice machine for his door? Who does that?" Dib asked, holding back a chuckle, lest he set the sentries off again.
"Dad used to," Gaz responded with a shrug as she banged on the door. "Hey, Zim's computer! We got something for Zim, let us in!"
There was a brief static over from the doorbell before said AI answered them. "Primates, this isn't a very good time. Zim is...busy."
"With world domination?" Dib asked suspiciously. "Can I come closer, by the way?"
"Sure, yeah, whatever. And more like world salvaging at this point," Computer answered sardonically as Dib joined his sister at the door.
"Look, I literally can't leave until I give this to Zim," Gaz informed, holding up a suitcase and pointing to the mechanical cuff linking it to her wrist. "This thing won't unlock without getting a non-digital, unfiltered command from Zim."
"Geeze, your father-unit doesn't kid around," Computer murmured.
"Literally the most important lab in the world, so, yeah," Dib agreed. "And what do you mean salvaging?"
Computer just sighed. "I don't get paid enough for this."
"You get paIIIIIIIDDDD!?" Dib started to ask, screaming as he was dropped down a shoot when the placemat opened up. Clutching the case, Gaz jumped on down soon after and, upon reaching the end of the tubes, fell out onto Dib's head. "Okay, that's enough Dibuse for one day," Dib complained as he got up and the duo found themselves in the control room.
The normally vacant room was filled with various holograms depicting graphs, charts, odd simulations, holograms, and a whole slew of Irken writing that they had no hope of understanding.
And at the center of it was Zim, who was currently making use of all of his arms, both biological and mechanical. Without ever turning his head, he used all eight appendages to fiddle with displays and type away at keyboards with a single mindedness that was not only disturbing, it was tangible to the senses.
"Weeeee probably shouldn't disturb him," Dib summarized.
"You're just afraid he'll blast you," Gaz retorted dryly as she walked forward.
"Yes? How is that not a valid concern?" Dib pointed out, cautiously following her.
"Hey, Zim, we have something for you?" Gaz called as they stood a few feet behind him.
"Hn," Zim grunted, not giving them any further acknowledgement.
"He's been like that since he came back from your place," Computer informed.
"That...was well over twenty-four hours ago, how is he still standing?" Dib asked curiously.
"Irkens don't need sleep, they evolved past the routine need for it," Computer explained.
"How the- HACKS! I call hacks!" Dib pointed accusingly at the perceived unfairness of that Irken-perk.
"But he went into a coma?" Gaz redirected.
"Special circumstances," Computer retorted. "Anyway, I was just going to tire his brain out, but I'm starting to think that Gir and the other experiments are going to run out of food in their snow globe."
"Snow globe? Is that code for something?" Dib asked in confusion.
"He didn't even let them out?" Gaz asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Kid, he hasn't done anything else. You didn't see it, but everything in the base's house is still packed up," Computer droned.
"Have you tried tapping him on the shoulder?" Dib offered as he walked forward.
"Knock yourself out, Primate," Computer offered.
And Dib did, almost literally.
Gaz turned to watch as Dib was punched away from Zim while clutching his stomach. "Okay...in retrospect...I walked into that," Dib accepted in pain.
"How are you alive? I saw Zim flip a van with those arms," Gaz questioned rhetorically. "Hey, Zim, I'm taking your ship for a joy ride!"
"What are- oh, I get it!" Dib said with a grin. "Ohh, Zim! I'm going to give some government official a tour of your lab!"
Zim just grumbled to himself as Gaz crossed her arms. "Nothing? Zim, I want my slave collar now!"
"Do we have to call it that?!" Dib asked in exasperation. "And I'm going to turn your robot into a vase!"
Zim finally paused as he turned to look at Dib oddly. "A vase? Is that truly the best you can muster, Dib-stink?"
"It worked, didn't it? Besides, you don't get to talk, you punched me!" Dib reminded.
"Yes, well, in fairness? I only hit you this time because I now have many frustrations with your father," Zim informed with a sigh as he leaned against the keyboard. "So, what is this about?"
Gaz just held up the suitcase. "Just say hello," she instructed impatiently.
Zim quirked a brow at her but obliged. "Greetings, Suitcase! How are you this fine Earthian day?" Zim asked in a voice that was far too sincere.
"Voice match recognized," a synthetic, female voice from the suitcase responded as it unhooked from Gaz's wrist. Gaz promptly dropped it on the floor. "Greetings, Intern Zim. Please state when to initiate photo mode for the creation of personal Membrane Lab ID."
"Umm, bad timing, postpone that," Zim requested.
"Acknowledged. You have twenty minutes to prepare before photo will be taken automatically," the suitcase warned.
"Well, Kriff," Zim murmured.
"Override, override, do it now!" Dib called, only for Gaz to elbow him in the stomach. "Come on, again?!" he wheezed.
"Human AIs seem very impatient," Computer mused as Zim's pak brought out his wig and contact lenses.
"And you sound very lazy," Suitcase countered.
"Am...am I getting dissed by a glorified storage unit?" Computer asked in disbelief.
"Coming from an overhyped assistant program," Suitcase retorted.
"Thiiiiis is getting awkward," Dib remarked, eyes shifting between the case and Zim's base.
"For once, that makes two of us," Gaz agreed with a grimace.
"Three," Zim corrected as he straightened his wig. "Okay, Photocase, Zim is presentable!"
"Acknowledged!" Suitcase answered as it suddenly started to scan the grinning alien before emitting a flash. "Removing background, adding lab coat. ID creation complete. Congratulations! Welcome to Membrane Labs, Intern Zim. Please call to receive your work schedule," it stated as a clip-on ID card was ejected from a nigh-invisible slot on the case.
"Thank you, Suitcase. Computer, please dispose of her," Zim requested flippantly.
"Sure, why not," Computer answered, a claw reaching out to grab the high tech suitcase.
"Watch the casing, Buster," Suitcase demanded while being removed.
The trio allowed a brief silence to hang over them. "Okay, ignoring the AI-Drama, I'm guessing you two are here for other reasons?" Zim predicted.
"Yeah, well, we definitely are now," Dib answered, nodding to the numerous screens floating around the control room.
"Yes, after deducing the general nature of the change to your world, I had to run some scans and simulations to estimate the full extent and likely outcomes of it," Zim explained, glancing over his shoulder at the screens.
"With the vanishing act you pulled on us, I'm guessing nothing good," Gaz deduced, crossing her arms expectantly.
Zim paused before looking towards them again. "Dib-stink, you are heavily involved with an organization that quests for supposed yet unconfirmed creatures and items of legends from Earth's past, correct?" he asked idly.
"Yes, that is one aspect of the Swollen Eyeball, why?" Dib admitted suspiciously.
Zim took a deep breath. "You're going to be very busy very soon," he explained vaguely. "Tell me, do you believe in magic, humans?"
"Umm, duh? Dib literally cursed me with a spell from the Shadowhog," Gaz reminded, glaring out of the corner of her eyes at Dib.
"I also summoned a weird Soulstealer guy to drag you off to the underworld once," Dib reminded glancing away in annoyance while muttering. "Ruined ice-cream for me forever."
"I'm remembering that, Diboit," Zim warned with a hard, even stare at the boy. "And I assumed that was just your brother toying with that Bollony serum."
"Aha! So you do remember that!" Dib accused, pointing triumphantly.
"Yes, but do you remember how we turned back to normal?" Zim countered coyly.
Dib blinked, scratching his head. "I, er, that is-?" he stop before looking at Zim, unamused. "You dick, you wiped my mind."
"Guilty," Zim said unapologetically. "Still, I am pleased to know I don't need to waste time on the convincing of you. Nor am I surprised you found pockets of magic."
"Wait, so aliens formally acknowledge magic as a real thing?" Dib asked in surprise.
"While each race has their own preferred word for it, yes, we do," Zim confirmed bluntly. "But tell me, do you know what psionics is?"
"What? You mean like reading minds and lifting things with just your brain?" Gaz guessed.
"At the basic levels, Gazling. So, yes, I suppose," Zim accepted with a shrug.
"Wait," Dib broke in, eyes wide as he caught on. "You're saying humans have psionic powers?"
"And magical, but yes, your planet now has those properties," Zim confirmed grimly.
Dead silence reigned over the trio before Dib decided it was time for an encore of his victory dance. "YES! ANOTHER SCORE FOR MANKIND! Take that Zim! You'll never be able to take over a world of mages and, um, psioners? Psykers?" Dib guessed uncertainly.
"Dib."
The human boy stopped mid dance while his annoyed sister looked to the alien in interest. Zim was giving Dib a cold, icy stare that promised a lot of horrible things if he didn't stop being an idiot. "I'm telling you that I, and by extension the entire Irken Empire, are aware of how worlds can develop Magic and Psionic abilities. At what point did you think we don't have protocols and tactics for dealing with such?" he reasoned harshly.
Dib paused for a moment before settling into a sulk. "You could have let me have the moment," he grumbled before looking curious. "But if you're not worried about humans getting this, why are you?"
"Because I never said HUMANS have Psionics and Magic, I said your PLANET does," Zim countered meaningfully.
Dib remained confused while Gaz went wide eyed. "Oh, crap, no," she said in legitimate alarm.
Dib looked to her curiously as Zim smiled. "I'm glad to see your brother's idiocy is not contagious, Gaz-slave," he said in amused pride before sobering. "We refer to the effect being Locally Omnibearing. Locally as in local to the area of effect: aka, the entire kriffing world. Omnibearing, however, means that it affects everything."
Now Dib started to become concerned. "Everything as in...?"
"As in everything," Zim repeated firmly. "Every creature, every cell, even every speck of dirt and drop of liquid. The energies of both aspects will slowly seep into everything on this rock. Possibly even its moon."
"So...that means, monsters are going to be real?" Dib summarized with a hard swallow.
"If you mean your beasts of myths, then yes. Oddly enough, while Psionics are the more mental based, Magical Creatures tend to be modeled after fables the local inhabitance has imagined and told stories of. Or, possibly, they existed when a given planet pulled in a suitable clump of magic from space," Zim explained thoughtfully. "I believe this is a lizard and the egg situation."
"Chicken, Zim," Gaz corrected. "And psionic creatures? Are they some collective of mental construct given life?"
"No, but that is something to be wary of," Zim answered truthfully. "The psionic energies will merely awaken the mental capacity of a given creature, enhancing and accelerating evolution in a manner that you humans have never imagined."
"Then it sounds like the only recourse will be for humanity to get its act together and master our new powers!" Dib declared dramatically.
Zim actually looked amused by that. "It will take multiple generations to master and surpass the basics of either, Dib-stink. And, with nature's delicious irony, these creatures will be appearing before the month is over and it will be only a year or two before they are common place."
"And, of course, this is ignoring the mass chaos humans will unleash on each other over this," Gaz realized with a scowl.
"Gaz!" Dib attempted to scold.
"What? People are already stupid and fight for stupid reasons. You know people are going to fight like never before with all of...this going to happen," Gaz countered with a glare.
"You don't think they might not unite in the face of this new, more dangerous world?" Dib pointed out.
"They might," Zim interrupted, shrugging at their surprise. "I have seen far stranger things. Besides, these beasts are still merely beasts. Most are not inherently out to harm humanity for the sake of it."
"Well, that's some relief," Dib said, his tension lessening. "But why are you so worked up over it?"
"Dib-stink, this place is going to be a whole new planet after another solar cycle, for all intents and purposes. I have to restart many of my plans from scratch, AGAIN, right after I had been near completion of sorting through the mess my coma created," Zim explained dryly.
"I...can't feel sympathy for that," Dib informed slowly.
"Nor does Zim desire it, Dib. Nor does Zim desire it," Zim responded blandly. "Now off with you, begone from my base!"
"Oh, come on! You're still throwing me out?" Dib asked in exasperation.
"I still intend to conquer this miserable rock, and you worm-monkeys might actually be grateful when I do," Zim pointed out, eyeing Dib skeptically. "Do you plan to continue thwarting me?"
"Well, yeah, obviously," Dib answered with an eye roll.
"Then yes. Bye!" Zim declared as a tube shot down, covering Dib before sucking him up and flinging him out to the street, which Zim and Gaz watched on the monitor.
"Jerk," Dib grumbled as he walked away.
"Note to self, get trashcan to eject Dib into," Zim quipped to himself.
"So, why am I still here?" Gaz asked curiously. "Cause I'm getting pizza unless you say something."
"Something," Zim answered, grinning at her annoyance. "But in all honesty, yes, Zim does have a great mission he thought the Gaz-slave might be interested in attending with him."
"What, you want me to help you conquer the world?" Gaz asked with a snort.
"Oh no. No, no, no. Well, not this one, but maybe some other time," Zim mused with interest as he dismissed the numerous screens with a wave of his hand, replacing it with a space map showing a rather large blinking icon of an Irken ship. "As I mentioned, my changes are not normal to my kind. To avoid any, ahem, misunderstanding between myself and my leaders, I have deactivated some of my Pak's transmission while monitoring for any talk or suspicious activities that could be related to it."
"And since we're talking about it, I'm guessing you found some?" Gaz deduced, hands on her hips.
"I did," Zim answered proudly.
"Actually, I did," Computer corrected evenly.
"Just like Zim programmed him to," Zim countered, still sounding proud.
"The point, please?" Gaz requested.
"Patience, Gaz-slave! Do not rush your master!" Zim scolded, still grinning. "A large number of Voot cruisers have recently docked on the massive, none assigned to the Massive Fleet. This alone could mean anything, but there was a little clue we plucked out," Zim continued as the screen changed to show a schematic map of the Massive, before zooming in on one of the many rooms. "This room was reserved for a meeting. A Mod Meeting."
Gaz tilted her head at that one. "And that means what?"
"Haven't a clue!" Zim confessed without a care, making Gaz growl, which he ignored. "But I did find something. There is a scientist on board who only joined the Massive around the time of my coma. And while I could not gain access to her files, for her cyber defenses are too mighty even for Zim to conqueror sneakily, I did gain a list of the file names," Zim explained as a large set of Irken words showed on the screen, before shifting into English, with one of them highlighted.
Revert:Alt
Revert:Con
Revert:Mod
Revert:Part
Revert:Rep
Revert:Res
Revert:Spec
Revert:T
Revert:Trans
Revert:X
Revert:Z
"So, you want to crash this meeting that might involve this Doctor, because it could be about whatever happened to you, which supposedly happened to others?" Gaz summarized skeptically.
"Zim knows you are mocking him, Gaz, but yes," Zim admitted without concern.
"And what possible reason would I have to go with you?" Gaz asked curiously.
"One day, it will simply be because I ordered it, Gaz-slave," Zim reminded casually. "Buuut, I may have upgraded your slave collar."
Gaz paused, tilting her head in consideration before shrugging. "Okay, sure," she accepted offhandedly.
"Excellent!" Zim declared before snapping his fingers as the floor below them started to descend deeper into the underground base.
"I thought your ship was in your attic?" Gaz asked idly as Zim removed his wig and contacts.
"Usually, it is, but Zim needs to inform his fellow resident about our little trip," Zim informed.
"Resident? Wait, you actually have someone else living here that isn't an experiment?" Gaz asked in genuine surprise.
"Yes, he's a little friend I picked up a while back that the Tallest may have tried to kill along with myself," Zim explained with a chuckle.
"Your leaders have tried to kill you," Gaz repeated slowly.
"May have. If they did, they forgot that I'm more than capable of reactivating a ship's shields," Zim answered vaguely as the lift came to a stop.
Gaz actually blinked when she saw a short, pudgy Irken sitting in a decent sized, circular room. "Dib is going to flip when he finds out there are more of you down here," Gaz remarked with a smirk as they walked forward.
"Hey, can you watch the base while- WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN ZIM'S BASE?" Zim started calmly before instantly screaming and pulling several large beam-cannons from his Pak, aiming it at the Irken eating a sandwich. Or, he had been, but was now staring in fear with the food half way to his open mouth.
"Wait, this isn't who you were talking about?" Gaz asked in bewildered.
"Don't shoot! I-it's me! Skoodge!" the Irken answered in a squeak, trying to duck down with neck room that he didn't possess.
"Skoodge?" Zim repeated, blinking as he looked the Irken over, retracting his weapons. "By Irk you've gotten fat."
The short Irken looked confused before looking down at his body. "But I've always looked like that."
"I know. Zim just had a strange urge to say that," Zim answered, scrutinizing the other Invader, "I thought you died. Again."
"Yeah, well, I got better," Skoodge answered with a nervous but proud smile.
"You got better from death. Is that an Irken thing?" Gaz asked curiously, wondering if these aliens had indeed conquered death.
"It's a Skoodge thing," Zim retorted with an intrigued frown. "Who let you into Zim's base?"
"Better question, where's the one you said would be here?" Gaz questioned, looking around the room that was completely furnished with plenty of earth items: couches, chairs, tables, an enormous flat screen television, a refrigerator, and-
Her eyes went wide as her mouth hung open with salivation at the number of games and game systems around the television.
And, by proxy, the third Irken in the room; One even smaller than Skoodge, maybe even smaller than Zim pre-coma, looking over the couch while holding a wireless controller.
"That would be me," the Irken answered. "Hey, Zim."
"Bob," Zim greeted cheerfully before instantly glaring. "Why is Skoodge in my base?"
"He showed up during your two month nap, asking if he could crash here since the Tallests tried to off his bloated ass twice. Three times if you count the Slaughtering Rat planet-"
"Slaughtering Rat Planet?" Gaz repeated.
"Exactly what it sounds like," Bob answered dryly, eyeing her for a second. "You must be Zim's pet project. Emphasis on pet," he remarked, wincing in surprise from the intensity of her glare. "Okay, definitely see why he picked you. Anyway, your computer said it was fine-"
"I most certainly did not!" Computer interrupted pointedly. "I said, it's on you when Zim wakes up."
"Oh, I don't want to hear it after what you pulled," Bob remarked with an eyeroll.
"Don't you dare bring that-!"
"SILENCE!" Zim demanded loudly, none speaking for a moment. Clearing his throat, he decided to start over. "I'm going to be heading out to space with Gaz. Skoodge, you may stay, but help Bob unpack the base. Bob, if we're gone long enough, show him how to watch over the experiments," Zim directed.
"I thought that was my job?" Computer asked curiously.
"I don't trust you now that you possess human simulation entertainment," Zim countered in annoyance.
"Fair."
"Sure, sure, got it. My package come in, by the way?" Bob asked idly.
"No, and it better not be more of that Chicken Knot stuff," Zim deadpanned.
"I told you! Anime is not the same thing as that!" Bob retorted angrily.
"Anime, Chicken Knot? What is-? Ohhhhh," Gaz realized in understanding before grimacing. "This got really stereotypical, with you two living in Zim's basement," she remarked.
The three aliens looked at her oddly before Zim turned around. "Well, we'll be off then."
"Umm, nice seeing you again, Zim! Thanks for letting me stay!" Skoodge called as the pair moved to the lift.
"Two months?" Gaz inquired idly.
"Two Irken months," Zim answered as they ascended up.
Skoodge sighed in relief when the modified Irken was gone. "Wow, he's gotten taller. And scarier."
"Oh please, I told you it'd be fine. He would have incinerated you the movement he arrived if he didn't want you here," Bob assured. "Now come on, we're not on house duty for another hour as far as I'm concerned and I intend to whoop your rounded ass a few more times in this game."
End of Chapter
And here we are, another new chapter. I'm on a roll with this one. Was going to go into a more technical talk about how the Egress-Ingress Rifts give Magic and Psionic powers, but figured that was a data dump for another time.
And now we have Zim about to go crash a part on the Massive with Gaz. And we find out Zim has some housemates. Hehe, you all thought it was Skoodge at first, I bet, but nope, I went with Bob- he's the Irken Tray Servent from the episode Hobo 13. Had the nice idea that Zim took him to Earth after they survived going throuugh a star.
Hope you all have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a great New Years! Oh, and that you all enjoyed my new fic, Zim the Slime. See ya next year!
PS And, as always, please consider tipping to my pat-reon.