Zim the Warlord: Irken Reversion
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim or anything else here
PLEASE READ!
Hello, friends. Most of you know this, but I'll be putting this in new updates once per story: back at the beginning of March, my Great Grandmother died. She was the woman who raised me and who I have lived with all my life. We all miss her dearly, and the only solace I take in the timing is that it happened before the Coronavirus shut down funerals.
Its been a couple weeks since the funeral, and I'm doing...better, thanks in large part to friends and family. After a week or two, I started writing again, obviously. Between everything going on, I needed an outlet and, well, to be blunt: writing is what I do. I didn't feel like showing my face on the net for a while, so I now have a small back log of chapters saved up, made at previous advice from some friends. I'll post one or two chapters a week, as to try and keep ahead of everything.
Now, here's the big news: I have no job, chiefly because I was always worried about leaving my grandma alone for most of the day. My life for the past few years has resolved around just making sure she's okay, gets her pills, the bills are paid up, we aren't in debt, etc. After the initial shock and sting of her death passed, one of my chief worries was that I'd end up homeless before I can find a job. Thanks to the amazing support of many fans contributing on my pat-reon and GoFundMe, I should be able to keep the house for at least a month while I job hunt. Given everything going on in the world, I deeply appreciate the help. Left over money from the funeral insurance, if it comes in soon enough, could keep the whole place going for a couple more months.
As I've always said, I will never hold updates hostage or anything like that. I will continue to post for as long as I am able, when I am able, with what I have. If you are willing and able to contribute to my pat-reon or GoFundMe, I deeply appreciate it. If not, I understand- especially with the gravity of everything going on. Regardless, I hope my stories can bring a bit of joy to everyone during these times of trouble.
I hope you all are doing well and handling the Coronavirus as best you can. Take care, be safe, and thank you all for everything.
PS I am planning to post original, likely lewd stories on my pat-reon in the near future, to any that interest.
"Why am I doing this?" Gaz asked curiously.
"Because Zim is unsure if he qualifies as a virgin due to the Reversion," Zim answered honestly as they trekked through the woods.
Gaz raised an eyebrow at that, confused but not sure how to question that logic concisely. "So, I'm your guinea pig?" she summarized.
"Technically, we both are," Zim pointed out before holding up an alien weapon that looked like something between a pipe and a lance with several glowing tubes going from the weapon to Zim's pak. "And if these horned equines prove hostile, I shall neutralize them."
"And we're doing it now because you want to annoy Dib by studying them first while he's stuck at his job," Gaz hypothesized with a smirk.
"Yes," Zim answered as if it was a given before glancing back at her curiously. "Does this not interest you, Gazling? I was led to believe that these creatures were popular amongst human females of younger age groups."
"I'm curious, but I'm not going to squeal or anything in joy over it," Gaz admitted as they continued their trek. "So, how were your first two days at the lab?"
"Hmm, well, Zim is fine tuning his first Membrane Invention, but all the other coat-monkeys want to use it before it is ready," Zim murmured in annoyance. "They reacted in a fashion as if Zim was stealing their life source."
"You took away their coffee and microwavable food. So, yeah, you kind of did," Gaz pointed out in amusement. "Dad seems to like having you there."
"Really? I hadn't noticed," Zim stated, leaving Gaz unsure if he was serious or joking, before taking a deep breath. "Ahh! Despite how horrid this dirtball is sometimes, this is an excellent day for a very enthusiastic walk."
"Okay, seriously, what is with you and the abridged references?" Gaz asked curiously.
"Hmm? References? What does a bridge have to do with anything?" Zim asked, pausing to look at her with incomprehension.
"You know, YouTube? Team Four Star?" Gaz tried, raising an eyebrow when his expression didn't change. "Nothing?"
"I am passively familiar with the website used as a mass deposit of visual media from across the globe, but what four stars are you speaking of?" Zim asked with a scrunched brow. "Or do you mean star as in someone famous?"
Gaz pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment. "Okay, let me try something. Zim? Are you a Yoshi?" she asked bluntly.
Zim gave her a very, very deadpan stare. "Yes, Gazling, Zim is a green kriffing dinosaur," he answered flatly.
"Zim, do you even know what a Yoshi is?" Gaz asked, cracking an eye open at him.
"Of course I-" Zim stopped and blinked. "Wait, why did Zim say that?"
"Zim, when are you going to Yamcha Dib?" Gaz continued skeptically.
"Zim does not know what this Yamcha is, but it sounds disappointing," Zim answered, blinking. "Wait, what?"
"Have you ever seen a Kami?" Gaz asked expectantly.
"What's a Kami?" Zim questioned in confusion.
"Basically God," Gaz recited, waiting expectantly.
"But Zim is right here!" Zim countered before blinking slowly at Gaz's pointed look. "What in the name of Tarki is wrong with Zim?!"
"I don't know, but you somehow know a lot of references subconsciously," Gaz noted, tilting her head. "Maybe Bob and Computer watched some videos during your coma, and you just picked up on it?"
"I suppose that might be a possibility," Zim stated with an uncertain and somewhat worried expression.
Gaz snorted at that. "You face down some of the best warriors of your own kind, but you're worried because you know a few funny lines you don't remember learning?"
"Zim will have you know that he is hilarious, and you will quote everything he says!" Zim said indignantly, scowling when he caught her deadpan expression. "I just did it again. Kriff!"
"Deal with it later. I thought you wanted to see some unicorns?" Gaz redirected, nodding to a clearing through the trees.
"Right, right," Zim agreed halfheartedly, clearly put off by whatever was going on with himself. Still, he refocused his attention as they exited the forest. "This appears to be the same location where the recording was made."
"How can you tell?" Gaz asked, looking over what appeared to be a large and empty area of grass surrounded partially by the forest and hills.
"My pak already matched the background topography and flora, along with the placement of sun given the time of the recording compared to right now," Zim explained casually, glancing off to the side. "They're not far."
"What, you can sense magic now?" Gaz asked curiously as she trailed carefully after him.
"Not exactly," he answered, tapping his wig. "My antennae are mainly for smell, but they also sense air flow and pressure. Psionic and magic energies both create an odd, semi-unique sensation in them," he explained before grumbling. "Not that it'll do me much good when this planet is swimming in both energies."
Gaz stayed silent as they reached the crest of the hill, peering over it to see a sight literally out of a fairy tale.
There was a unicorn grazing in the grass, pure white of coat and mane, both impossibly clean for a normal wild horse. And a horn upon its head that looked more like it had been sculpted and polished by an artisan than created as a natural growth. "Well, that's definitely a unicorn," Gaz acknowledged with her arms crossed.
As if she had shouted instead of muttered, the beast raised its head to rest its gaze upon them. Zim immediately felt his antennae bristle as he saw the nostrils flair. "Gazling, do you trust me?" Zim asked suddenly.
"I hate when you ask that," Gaz said with a groan. "What now?"
"The beast is about to charge. I want you to run so I know who it's charging at," Zim instructed.
"Oh please, I've scared a tentacle monster," she countered confidently as she leveled a glare to the creature. "I'm pretty sure-" Gaz stopped talking as the unicorn let out a mighty neigh and started charging at them. She held her glare for another instant before cursing in Irken as she bolted back the way they came.
Zim watched the mythical creature charging, quickly going much faster than it biologically should be able to, if only slightly. He watched, honestly surprised, when it ran right past him and kept chasing after Gaz. "Huh. Not my expectation," Zim admitted to himself before leaping after them.
Gaz growled to herself as she tried to make a run for the tree lines, hoping to outmaneuver the creature amongst the trees, but was fairly sure it was too fast for her to make that. If Zim did nothing, she'd have to dodge and hope it didn't hit anything vital.
That said, she wasn't surprised when Zim audibly landed behind her. She came to a halt as the thundering hooves were replaced with skidding and then silence. "Took ya long enough, Zim. What to-oh, that is Bull!" Gaz declared with a glare.
Zim was standing in place, where had been staring down the horned beast with his weapon trained on its pristine form. That is, right up until it had leaned forward and started to nuzzle a very confused Zim. "Definitely not my expectation!" Zim declared as he lowered his alien weapon, which folded down into a small cylinder that his Pak stored away. Cautiously, he began to pet the unicorn. "Gaz! Gazling! This creature likes Zim!"
"Hoopla for you, Zim!" Gaz called, glaring at the horse, which chose to glare back at her. "What is with this thing?!"
Zim gave the unicorn a warning look. "I know you can comprehend my speak, beast. Do not harm the Gazling," he said before turning back to Gaz. "Well, are you a virgin?"
"WHAT?!" Gaz yelled with a blush. "Of course I am! Why the hell would you even need to ask that?!"
Zim looked at her in confusion. "Well, I know that among human females, virginity is usually assured by a biological barrier that is sometimes ruptured in accidents or surgeries, so-"
"No, Zim! THAT is still intact! There isn't anything wrong with me!" Gaz yelled with a glare.
"Zim never said there was," Zim countered, looking at her oddly. "Gaz, is this your menstruation cycle?"
"FUCK YOU ZIM! YOU DON'T JUST ASK STUFF LIKE THAT!" Gaz yelled, balling her fists.
The unicorn nearly charged at her again as Zim held it back. "What did I just say?! I can handle my own slave," Zim assured pointedly, the unicorn looking at him oddly. "Yes, she is mine. Now give Zim some privacy with his Gazling."
Gaz glowered as the unicorn trotted off with a snort and Zim walked right up to her, proceeding to sit down cross legged in front of her. "What?" she asked with her arms cross as he started at her with patient eyes. "What? You looking for an apology? Going to scold and punish your pet human?" she taunted with a glare.
"Oh, so you are acknowledging that you're already my pet, Gazling?" Zim asked. His tone wasn't taunting. If anything, it was bored.
"No! I'm not! I'm acknowledging you're a jackass for asking a girl shit like that!" Gaz retorted with a growl.
"I wasn't asking a girl anything," Zim refuted as he scowled at her. "I was asking my Gazling."
Gaz stiffened at that. "You-That-I-GRRR!" Gaz stuttered out before giving a heavy sigh. "Why do you know how to take the wind out of my sails?"
"Zim would be a very irresponsible owner if he didn't know how to handle his intended pet's emotional needs," Zim pointed out calmly.
"See! Right there, that! How do you know how to say the most insulting yet endearing things without trying?" Gaz asked in exasperation, trying very hard not to smile.
Zim tilted his head. "Zim doesn't require effort to be Zim. Nor should you to be Gaz," Zim stated in an almost sage like matter.
Gaz just stared at the alien for a moment before turning around to glare at the ground. "Whatever. And I don't have emotional needs!" she refuted harshly.
"Of course you don't, Gazling," Zim agreed playfully. "Are you done being angry?"
"Angrier, but yes," Gaz answered softly with her arms crossed, still refusing to look at him.
"And would you like to tell Zim what made you angrier or are you okay now?" Zim offered with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine! There was just a bit too much of adrenaline and surprise mixed in with me having a dumbass moment because I sometimes forget you don't always know what it sounds like when you say stuff," Gaz ranted out with a sigh. "Look, can-can we just go back to figuring this unicorn thing? Or do I need to apologize to make you stop sitting there and staring at me like that?"
"Why would I make you apologize for being my Gazling?" Zim asked in confusion.
"Kriffing stop with the sweet talk before I hit you!"
Timeskip
Dib hummed to himself a pleasant tone, one he had heard from Gaz of all people while playing her Game Slave, as he fiddled with his digital camera while wandering through the forest. His shift had finally ended, he had his equipment ready, and he was all set to get some proof of the existence of unicorns. Not the highest on his list of creatures to prove existed, but he'd take what he could get.
"Heh, maybe I'll get a picture of one impaling Zim," he said before grimacing. "Hopefully I can get something less gory to show the world. I'd just keep that for my personal collect-" he paused as he stepped out of the tree line, looking up to see a sight he didn't believe but should have expected. "-ion."
"Hello, Dib-Stink!" Zim greeted smugly from the back of a unicorn, trotting along in the field. "You were right; visiting these creatures was a wonderful idea."
"I guess the definition of purity isn't as straightforward as in the myth," Dib grumbled, eyeing the horned creature warily as it smelled him, before brushing his shoulder affectionately with its muzzle.
"Kriff, Kliplet likes you too," Zim muttered, sighing in disappointment afterward. "It was almost perfect."
"HEY!"
"I wasn't counting you, Gaz!" Zim called over his shoulder as Kliplet set out an angry neigh in the direction of the yell.
Dib squinted as he looked for his sister. "Zim, why is my sister sitting in a tree?"
"I believe you mean, why am I not sitting in a tree with her?" Zim retorted with a smirk.
"Really? Really, we're doing this?" Dib asked blankly.
"No," Zim answered in amusement. "Monocorns do not seem to like Gazling. Kliplet won't harm her while I'm around, but Zim is concerned if the others show up."
"Zim and I, but not Gaz? What could that mean?" Dib murmured thoughtfully before looking at Zim with a reluctant yet hopeful look. "So, um, any more of these around?"
"Strangely, no. Kliplet apparently enjoys eating in solitude, but this is where the herd was in the video. Is it normal for creatures of this nature to leave such a spot?" Zim asked curiously.
"I'm not an expert on horses or anything like that," Dib admitted, not sure if that was a bad sign or not. "Can I, you know, get a picture? Without you on it?" he requested awkwardly. Zim shrugged uncaringly as he dismounted the beast with ease. "Did-did you learn how to ride creatures like this in space or something?" Dib asked, his mind uncertain as to why Zim would know how to ride a horse.
"Oh, Zim has no idea how to handle the average equine as a mount, Dib-Stink. Kliplet is merely sapient enough to not give you a hard time if he does not wish to," Zim explained away, said Unicorn grunting in response.
"Wow, guess I should be calling it him then. You're sure it's a guy, right?" Dib asked as he held up the camera. Just in time for the unicorn to present its rear to him, along with something else that Dib would rather not see. "Oh, okay then. He it is," Dib said in surprise.
Zim snorted at the creature's antics as Dib moved to take a more family-friendly photo. "Why exactly do you humans view this beast as an emasculating creature to like?"
"Well, like I said, unicorns show up in a lot of media for little girls," Dib murmured as he took a few pictures…and he was getting the impression Kliplet was starting to pose for them.
"And? This beast is a war machine! That horn and its speed means it can pierce most of your kinds pitiful armor, and that's before we're getting into the pure muscle factor," Zim praised, said unicorn holding its head high at the acknowledgement.
"Wow, I never expected you to praise an Earth creature before," Dib jabbed.
"I find your kind disgusting, I said nothing of the rest of this dirthole's ecosystem," Zim countered.
"You do remember my sister is human, at least physically, right?" Dib reminded with an eye roll.
"And I never claimed my disgust was physical," Zim retorted smugly.
"Right," Dib acknowledged before putting his camera down, an uneasy silence coming over them. "Does she know?"
"About what?" Zim asked with a head tilt.
"What happened yesterday, after you left the lab?" Dib specified, uncertain if he should even feel concerned or upset. "I'm not okay with you killing humans, but can't exactly complain about you defending yourself against muggers."
"Ah, that," Zim realized with a hum. "I believe she does? It was on the news, albeit my name wasn't specified, and I assumed the Professor would have informed her if nothing else."
"Point, I suppose. Though, he might have assumed you'd tell her as well," Dib murmured with a snort. "That's a recipe for disaster, you two both assuming the other will tell Gaz something important."
"Are you actually concerned for Zim, Dib-Stink?" Zim asked with a teasing tone.
"No, but I'd rather your downfall not be at the expense of Dad and his work," Dib answered with an eye roll as he glanced back at the unicorn, trying to judge its intelligence. "Though, who am I kidding? Three thugs didn't stand a chance against you."
Zim didn't react at all to that line, but Gaz smirked as she heard Dib's words through the communication device in her ear. "Three, right," she mused as she turned her attention to her Game Slave.
Or so it appeared.
Pulling up a hidden menu and entering a secret code, Gaz found herself staring at a grey loading screen for a few seconds before Bob picked up, the lab in the background. "Oh, great, you. Whatcha want?" Bob asked blandly.
"Do you have a problem with me?" Gaz asked in honest curiosity. She didn't recall ever doing anything for Bob to gain a bad impression of her, but she hadn't really been trying to give good impression either.
"No, just pretty sure the more I interact with you, the more I have to deal with your brother," Bob answered as he sprayed a can of cheese directly into his mouth. "Seriously, whatcha need, I'm on break? That Ponicorns thing turn out to be a bust?"
"No, we found them. So did Dib, as of five minutes ago. Just thought I'd check up on you after earlier," Gaz answered meaningfully.
Bob straightened up at that some. "Don't worry. I'm an amateur, true, but Skoodge and the Computer know exactly how to deal with her. She's not staying dying on us or anything."
"But she'll wish she had, right?" Gaz summarized knowingly.
"Seeing as she tried to kill Zim, do you really care?" Bob asked pointedly.
Gaz didn't react for a moment. As if she was considering that question, how she felt about the very notion of the fate a fellow human, a common street thug, would endure for raising a weapon against Zim.
The former server drone suppressed a shiver as Gaz opened her eyes and gave an inhuman smile.
"Not at all."
End of Chapter
Well that doesn't bode well for Zim's captive, but going after Membrane's people is stupid enough, let alone Zim. You'll get more about that next chapter, but hope you enjoyed the unicorn. Which reminds me.
HUGE SHOUTOUT TO: the . narr. master for the wonderful idea of the Unicorns actually liking Zim due to a different idea of purity.
In other news, yeah, I know I'm back sooner than expected. I just...a week and some after the funeral, I just started getting this twitchiness to write. Its what I love doing. So, here I am.
PS My author's page has a list of all chapters completed and waiting in the backlog, and the unfinished chapters nearing completion.