Helluva Impact: Thus the IMPs landed in Teyvat
Chapter 1: Welcome to Mondstadt, gentlemen!
Not far from the city of Mondstadt, a Hilichurl camp had been set up. There were at least 10 of them, some equipped with crossbows, others with torches and clubs. They were resting after a day of raiding, and were completely unaware that they were being watched.
Behind large bushes, Amber, Moxxie and Blitzo prepared for a slaughter. Amber had a bow alongside her. Blitzo and Moxxie had sniper rifles. Some distance away, Loona and Millie prepared just in case anyone escaped.
« So these are the fuckers that have been giving you so much trouble? » Blitzo chuckled darkly. « They are. Can't believe they have been setting up camps this near to the city. » Amber responded. « Oh this is too easy. Now remember Moxxie. Don't. Fuck. This. Up. » Blitzo turned towards Moxxie.
« Oh shut up, boss. » Moxxie responded annoyed, before smirking and adjusting his scope. « On the count of three. One….two….- » Amber begun a countdown, before being interrupted.
« ALL RIGHT BITCHES, LET'S LICK SOME ASSES! »Blitzo shouted before shooting several times at the Hilichurls, hitting several. « Damn it boss! The expression is "kick some asses"! » Moxxie responded, before shooting some Hilichurls as well. « Still think that mine is better! » Blitzo responded, before continuing taking shots.
« Whatever. » an annoyed Moxxie shot back. The combined firepower of the group was enough to send the remaining Hilichurls into panic, and they begun to run away. But as they did, they were attacked by Millie and Loona.
Millie easily dodged the club swing of one of the Hilichurls, before grabbing it and stabbing it several times. Loona, on the other hand, had ripped off the arm of one of the creatures with her jaws, before jumping to the throat of another one.
In the end, only one Hilichurl was left standing, running for its life, before Amber arrows found a target. It collapsed on the ground, dead on the spot.
« Aaaand we got ya, bitches! » Blitzo proudly proclaimed, standing on the corpse of one of the Hilichurl. « Heh. Nothing to it. Other than your brutality. » Amber commented at the sight. « Honey this is the cleanest we've ever been at a job. » Loona responded as she cleaned her mouth.
« None the less, thanks for the backup. Is it correct to say that you've faced stronger opponents in the past? » Amber asked. « Meh. 50/50. » Millie responded. « That still begs the question: how is it that the Hilichurls ended up here? They don't look like the kind of creatures to set up camps so near to a city. » Paimon pondered.
« Meh…they're probably looking for a job. Which is a shame, jobless people bring me HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life! » Blitzo commented. « At this point it's a miracle if ours should still be considered a job, sir. » Moxxie pointed out.
« They should be camping on the wilderness, but because of the dragon – Stormterror - has been around a lot more recently, our orchards have been destroyed and the local market has been affected as well. » Amber explained.
« Stormterror? THAT's it's fucking name? » Blitzo raised an eyebrow. « When the storm hits, we usually end up with at least a few injured, so the Knights of Favonius have been tied up doing the best they can to defend the area. » Amber continued.
After hearing that, Blitzo eyes turned into the shape of a lightbulb. « Job opportunities, baby! » he loudly whispered, loud enough for Amber to hear. « Excuse me? » she asked. « Well all I'm saying is that your Favolous knights or whatever seem…kinda busy with the whole "Stormterror" guy. » Blitzo responded.
Amber seemed clearly offended by that comment. «W-well, I'll have you know that the Flavonius Knights have the situation perfectly under control! » she protested. « Oh yeah? Then why in Satan's name you needed LITERAL demons to deal with some random hobos that had gained the guts to get closer to your freaking town? » Loona smugly asked, before grabbing a skewer from a fireplace and casually eating it.
« I-I could have handled that! » Amber shot back. « Yet they still sent a singular "Knight" to deal with 10 of these things. I don't know about you guys, but I think that your numbers are a bit…stretched as they are. » Loona continued.
« Come on, my adorable little Asiatic raw fish-eating dipshit, no point in denying it other than making yourself look stupid. You're gonna need some backup to deal with the little shits laying around while you and the big boys and girls handle the big boys and girls problems. » Blitzo smugly commented before putting an arm into Amber shoulders and poking her in the face with his index finger, much to her annoyance.
« The Flavonius knights don't need mercenaries. » Amber responded irritated. « Well I'm sorry to disappoint ya, buuuutttt…..you might think that way, but you also don't look like anyone in charge, now do you? » Blitzo responded smug, Amber looking down defeated.
« Hey! You don't need to be so mean to her! » Paimon protested. « The emergency food has a point, boss. Why don't we try a gentler approach for this situation? » Millie intervened. « We COULD, yeah, but where's the fun in THAT? » Blitzo responded with a laugh, before entering the city.
Amber simply turned towards Millie and Moxxie. « Is he always like that? » she asked irritated. « And that's if he's in a good mood. » Moxxie said irritated. « But he has a point. For like, the first time in history. With that oversized lizard with wings in the sky, you can't also deal with all the other little things out there! » he then continued.
« Just…let us help you guys, all right? » Millie asked in a motherly tone. Amber simply sighed. « It's not me you've got to ask. You'll have to ask to Jean. » she responded. « Jean? » Millie asked.
« Acting Grand Master of the knights of Flavonius, Jean, the Defender of Mondstadt. With Jean on our side, surely even the vicious Stormterror will be no match for us. » Amber proudly declared.
« Yeah, yeah, potato, potato. But is she hiring? » Blitzo asked annoyed.
Amber sighed annoyed. « We'll see when we meet her. »
As the group walked, they finally entered Mondstadt. « Anyway, let me officially introduce the city of wind, dandelions and freedom. Travelers under the protection of the Knights of Flavonius, welcome to Mondsta- » Amber solemnly said, before being interrupted.
« HOLY SHIT IS THAT- » Blitzo exclaimed at the sight of another demon. « OHIO GUY! »
The demon turned to see who had called him out, recognizing Blitzo. « ASSASSIN GUYS! You got stuck here too?» he exclaimed happily.
« Yeah, hot bitch sent cubes against us and now we're stuck here. » Blitzo responded.
« You too!? Man, that sucks! Can I hire you guys to impale that whore with a 300-gauge shotgun? » the demon asked.
« Been trying. But the grimoire doesn't work in any shape or form. » Loona commented.
« You….know him? » Amber asked confused.
« Yeah, he's one of the guys that hired us. One of our first clients, in fact! » Blitzo explained.
« Ya bet! These guys are amazing! Killed the god damn yippie yapper that saw me hiding my wife's body! » the demon added.
« W-why were you hiding your wife's- » Amber was asking shocked, before being interrupted by Moxxie.
« AAAANYWAY, so have demons been stuck in this city for a while now? » the Imp changed the subject.
Amber sighed. « Indeed. While there are troublemakers, most have adapted to Mondstadt life and are productive members of the community, either as hunters, farmers or traders. »
« Jeez, things were WAY more fun in hell. » Blitzo complained. He then turned to the demon. « So how are things around here? »
« Not half bad! Way more jobs, way more entertainment, this place is amazing! Or better, it was, ever since that FUCKING BLUE PIECE OF SHIT DRAGON SHOWED UP AND FUCKED OUR SHIT! » the demon exclaimed angrily.
Blitzo smirked at the scene. « So how would your reaction be if you knew that the guys in charge of handling that giant flying lizard are busy dealing with homeless people in the woods? »
« I'd be fucking pissed! » the demon shot back.
« Which means the flavour knights needs I.M.P to deal with hobos in the forest! » Blitzo proudly declared.
« First of all, it's Flavonius knights! Second, we don't need mercenaries! » Amber shot back angrily.
« Well unless you can SHOVE YOUR FUCKING TOWER DOWN THAT DRAGON'S ASS, I think you FUCKING NEED PEOPLE TO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB! » the demon roared out, so loudly that Amber was slammed against a building.
Blitzo laughed like a madman at the scene. « HA! If you get pushed around like that by some Ohioan demon, I bet you wouldn't survive two fucking minutes against that dragon! »
Just as he said that, a loud roar was heard, as a storm seemed to gather. Everybody froze for a couple of seconds, before Stormterror arrived, wreaking havoc in the city.
Several tornadoes formed all around the city, engulfing large areas. And one of said areas….
« Shit baskets of shit… » Blitzo said, as he and his crew of misfit assassins were lifted into the air, all screaming in full panic.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please review so I can learn your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions, so stay tuned! Also remember to like and follow.
See you on the next chapter!