Yet another day in the wasteland known locally as Mondstadt, and the IMPs were busy with various activities.
Loona had just finished her lesson with Lisa for the day, and it looked like the IMPs had some business to attend with the guild.
« Why hello, my sweet dear Looney! How was your lesson with the MILF? » Blitzo asked.
« Can you please not fucking call me that!? It's annoying, y'know? » Loona snarled. « But yeah, went good. Taught me some more kickass anime attacks, which is always a plus. »
« Well if that's the case, perhaps you can give us a show? Guild called us over, seemed like they have an interesting task at hand. » Moxxie replied.
« Yeah, sorry, got things to do. Lisa was going to teach me alchemy today, but after she heard that I learned it with you guys from Timaues she told me to visit this Albedo guy to learn some more alchemy. "A preparation surprise gift" she called it. » Loona replied.
« If that fucker tries something funny with you, I'm going to make him regret being born. » Blitzo declared.
« Oh, easy there boss… » Loona smirked, before a demonic look formed on her face. « YOU CAN'T MAKE SHIT LEFT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD REGRET BEING BORN. »
« Fair point. » Blitzo casually raised his hands in defeat, as Moxxie and Millie hid behind him for protection.
And with that, the four departed, with the Imps reaching the Guild desk.
« Hello Imps. I trust that you read our proposition? » Katheryne asked.
« Yup. And this time it sounds like proper fucking adventuring! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Haha, your tone suggests you are now exceptionally familiar with the way the Guild handles its affairs. » Katheryne replied. « However, this time I do not have a commission for you. Rather, I simply have some adventure intel to share. »
« Intel about what? That better not be more chili churros. » Moxxie asked annoyed.
« It's about Dragonspine, that snowy mountain near Mondstadt. » Katheryne replied. « The Guild has set up a camp and stationed several adventurers there. »
« Y'know, you'd be amazed about how few mountains are in the depths of hell. Sign me the FUCK UP! » Blitzo exclaimed excited.
« I have marked the location on your Map. Once you arrive, please look for an adventurer by the name of Iris. She will brief you on the situation in that area. » Katheryne explained. « That's all from me. Happy adventuring, and ad astra abyssosque! »
«App asstrack to you too, my beautiful peggable lady! » Blitzo replied, as the group walked outside of the city.
Xxxxxxx
After a while, the group reached the entrance of the Dragonspine camp.
« And here we are, the almighty Adventurer's Guild Dragonspine camp! Aaaaannnnndddd it's a piece of shit. » Blitzo commented at the sight.
« And I thought hell slums were bad. » Moxxie commented disgusted.
« Pretty sure this is where the pigs used to rest back at home…» Millie noted.
Just as the trio looked at the disappointing sight, a little child pulled Millie's sleeve.
« Uhm…excuse me? Have you seen my daddy? » the boy asked.
Before Moxxie could respond, Blitzo hushed him before going in deep though, tapping his feet as he did. He then answered. « Yeah, sorry. We've no god damned idea how your daddy looks like. »
« He said that he would come pick me up and that we'd go watch the snow together. But the time we arranged has come and gone, and he isn't here yet... » the boy replied.
« Yeah, we haven't seen him, sorry kiddo. »
« I thought that he must have found some rare and precious treasure map or something, which is why he hasn't come to find me yet. That has to be it, right? » the boy said in denial.
« Yeah, sure kiddo, knock yourself out. » Blitzo casually replied.
« Wait! If you're going up Dragonspine, could you help me look for Daddy? » the boy pleaded.
« Sure thing kiddo! Is the pay goo…..» Blitzo replied, before looking at the pleading child. « Uh, yeah, you get a freebie, kiddo….»
« You'll do it!? Great! »
« Well, off to Dragonspine it is I guess… » Moxxie replied.
« Well what do you know? Looks like perhaps you have a heart down there! » Millie teased her boss.
« Meh. We were gonna climb that mountain anyway, and I don't want the Fabulous knights nagging me about me stealing from children. Not that he had that much anyway. » Blitzo casually replied. « Anyhow, let's find the guild maid so she can give us an actual fucking job. »
The group walked on the camp, and found the maid in charge. She had short black bob hair, green eyes and black square rimmed glasses. She wore the standard female uniform of the Adventurers' Guild. The uniform consisted of three layers of clothing (a white short-sleeve dress with a front cut-off, a green cape collar with a ruffled trim and a triangular back flap, and a green panel skirt with slits and a red bow at the back), a short red neckerchief, brown socks and laced high leather boots. The Adventurers' Guild logo, an eight-pointed star, was printed on the right and back flaps of the collar.
« Hello, I assume you're the psychopaths that blew the Dadaupa Gorge Sword Cemetery… » the woman "greeted" the group.
« Oh, choke on a dick, you bitch! If you got to work your ass for a dagger and a gem, you'd be pissed too! » Blitzo replied, showing what they had recovered.
«…You do realize those are unbelievably valuable items that could aid you considerably in the forging of your equipment, right? » the maid replied with a deadpan expression.
« Would they aid considerably? »
« UMBELIEVABLY SO! These items are priceless! I know people who would kill their loved ones for less! The ore is of the highest quality for weapon upgrades, and the "dagger" is needed to build an incredibly powerful sword! I know a guy that can forge you a powerful blade back in Mondstadt, Wagner. »
« ….Well shit buckets of shit, we kinda overreacted back there, so anyhow, hot tits back in Mondstadt said that this mountain is ripe for the adventuring? »
« Guess it is. I'm not going to try and stop you... I've met my fair share of adventurers and whatever you say, there's no dissuading of them.»
« Mostly because death would be preferrable to you other "adventures". » Moxxie replied.
« All I will say, if you're serious about this, is to keep an eye on your body temperature at all times. » the woman explained.
« Not to worry, doll. I so happen to be a living flamethrower, as one would have it! » Millie exclaimed.
« Oh, well that makes things easier for you then. Very well, I won't lecture you any longer, you seem far more prepared than most folks climbing this mountain. »
« Like the kid's dad? » Blitzo asked.
« Oh, you mean Joel's father? Poor kid, I wouldn't be surprised if his father perished in the snow…» the maid replied.
« Well ain't you a fucking cheerful one. » Blitzo replied in a disappointed tone.
« The chances of that happening are high. As you climb higher into the mountain, temperatures become colder. Hypothermia is a real danger up there. »
« Anything else we should know about Mount Shitass? »
« Apart from the harsh conditions, this mountain is also home to some strange... ice. » the maid replied. « It is incredibly hard to break, and will not melt when exposed to fire. »
« Meh, just wait until you figure out how to burn coal and that ice is toast! » Blitzo replied.
« Easy there, ma'am. We'll just give it a look whilst looking for Joel's dad. » Moxxie added.
« You're just going to have a look, right? If so, I remember that there was a large slab of ice of that kind on the mountain's outer boundaries. Who knows what's frozen inside it... » the maid replied.
« Well, that sounds interesting. We'll make sure to check it out. In the moment, its time to K2 this shit! » Blitzo exclaimed, as he and the IMPs walked towards the mountain.
Xxxxxxx
After a while of walking, the group reached a large slab of ice.
« Holy cow that's a lot of ice! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Well good to see that global warming is not as much as a problem as back home. » Moxxie noted. « That ice must be hundreds, if not thousands of years old! »
« How quick ye think it'll last with yer life? Five, ten seconds? FIRE AWAY! » Blitzo exclaimed, with Millie slashing her weapon towards the ice, the whole area engulfed in flames.
However, much to everyone's surprise, the ice stood firm.
« Uh…try again? »
As Blitzo asked, Millie swung her weapon several times, but none the less, the ice stood still.
« Holy fuck the fuck is that ice made of!? »
« Maybe you need some magic McGuffin? » Moxxie proposed.
« What about these funny looking rocks? Sure heat a lot, could work something out. » Millie proposed, as she grabbed a red rock.
« Sure, why don't you give it a go? » Blitzo proposed.
With that said, Millie walked towards the ice, and as she touched the ice with the rock, portions of it melted on contact.
« Holy shit it works! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Come on honey! Melt that ice! » Moxxie exclaimed, as Millie cut the rock in two, engulfing her blade in flames, and then struck the ice wall, shattering it and revealing a tree stump.
But as she did, something flew up in the air and went into the mountain summit.
« Hey! Our fucking reward flew to the summit! After it! » Blitzo exclaimed, as he ran after it with the rest of the gang.
Xxxxxxx
As the group continued to chase after their "reward", a snow storm struck the group, far colder than they anticipated.
« Holy shit this is some tough ass storm! » Blitzo cursed.
« Sir! We need to find cover! Not even Millie can warm us all! »
« Well, fuck the reward for now! There's a cave up ahead! We should be able to rest there! » Blitzo replied, as the group walked toward a creepy cave.
« Well that's better than nothing I guess…»
As the group walked inside of the cave, they found two things: a camp and a tooth.
« Look! That's a camp! Perhaps it was Joel's dad camp! » Moxxie exclaimed.
« You check on that! I'm grabbing myself a kickass tooth! » Blitzo exclaimed, as he grabbed the tooth.
In the meantime, Moxxie inspected the camp, and found some notes.
The snowstorm from the summit came too quickly. I barely had enough time to duck into this cave. I lost half my supplies in the chaos, too...
I don't know why, either, but the rocks above the cave collapsed suddenly, sealing the entrance with the falling gravel. This is very bad...
But... I believe that there's another way out for me. The other end of this cave is a cliff, yes, but there's nothing below but thick snow. If I try climbing a certain distance down and then jumping the rest of the way...
My supplies won't last more than a few more days. I have to act soon...
I promised Joel that I'd take him to see the snow. I won't break that promise.
Oh, yes. If anyone sees these notes, please put some food into that feeding bowl for those foxes.
They kept me company the entire time I was trapped in here. If I get the chance, I'd love to bring Joel back here to see them...
« Boss! Joel's dad was here! » Moxxie exclaimed.
« What do you mean "was"? » Blitzo replied.
« Well either he's now a corpse on the other side of the cave or he managed to return safely! Says here he was stranded here for a while before attempting to jump off a cliff and hoping the snow would break his fall! » Moxxie replied.
« Well shit, that kid has just become an orphan. God damn it! Well at least we found this cool looking tooth! » Blitzo replied.
However, as he said that, the back of the cave started to glow in red. « Huh. Looks like some sort of magic source or some shit. Who knows, this place is fucking weird. » he commented, as he got closer, tooth in hands.
As he said that, magical particles started to envelop the tooth.
« Holy cow it is a magic source! And it even did something to the tooth! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Oh, you bet it did, my dear abomination of nature….» a voice came out of the cave.
It was a group of Fatui agents. « We must thank you, Imps. Your actions have saved us a lot of trouble, Hehehe… »
« Look, we have no idea what the fuck we just did, but we did something and we'll rip the fruits of our labour! So back off, Futas!» Blitzo replied, before shooting one of the Fatui, killing him instantly.
As the rest of the group charged at the Imps, Millie pulled out her weapon and slashed at the Fatui, incinerating a big portion of them.
Then, Moxxie pulled out his tommie gun and executed the rest.
« Ha! Nice heist, jackasses! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« And thank you for your supplies! We'll need them, 'cause the storm doesn't look like it's stopping any time soon…. » Moxxie added.
« Well, guess we'll have to sleep here for the night. Millie, could you please light a fire? »
« On it boss! » Millie said, as she slashed the ground, lighting a large fire.
« Let's fucking hope tomorrow it's a better day…. »
Xxxxxxx
The next day, back in the camp…
Joel's father had managed to return against all odds, and a happy reunion was occurring.
As that happened, a massive explosion came out from the summit of the mountain, followed by a massive avalanche which sled all the way to the camp, the Imps partially submerged by the snow.
« Sorry kiddo, daddy's fucking dead. » Blitzo said.
« "Daddy" so happen to be fine, mister. » Joel's father replied.
« Good to hear. »
« Imps! Are you all right? » the Guild maid asked concerned.
« Unfroze a bunch of ice, there was a floating pillar at the top, reward was shit, tried to blow up the mountain, caused an avalanche, we got down here. There, you have it. » Blitzo replied.
« There's a strange, huge pillar floating in mid-air at the summit? To think that there would be such a thing atop Dragonspine... »
« Who gives a shit, we're not going back to that mountain any time soon. But we did find a fancy tooth there! Alongside some other shit! » Blitzo replied.
A man suddenly arrived, looking at the tooth in awe. « I don't believe it… the luster... and the texture… that's the tooth of a dragon infused with the vitality of a dragon! »
« A dragon tooth? What, did Stormfuck visit the dentist or some shit? »
« Either that or it's the teeth of that other dragon Dvalin fought and dragons shed teeth like sharks do… » Moxxie pondered.
« So is it good? » Blitzo asked.
« You have no idea! I should be able to craft a mighty weapon with this, just give me a day or two! »
« Huh. Guess the trip wasn't completely useless after all…» Blitzo commented. « Oh well, looks like we'll be camping here for a day or two…»
« Also, may I ask….what do you mean you "tried to blow up the mountain"? » the maid asked.
« What do you think we meant? » Blitzo casually replied, as the sound of a rock slide could be heard from the top of the mountain, all the people in the camp looking in shock at the summit.
Then, everyone turned to the Imps.
« Sorry we tried to blow the mountain….»
Xxxxxxx
Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.
I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!
See you to the next update!