a/n: Chapter 4, Sugar Bear

I don't own Chuck.

Chuck burst into the Weinerlicious, ready to tell Sarah what he had flashed on. He came up short, though, when his brain shut down, as was commonplace since Christmas. He had seen her in the uniform hundreds of times; that wasn't what shut his brain down. What shut it down was the brilliant smile that graced her face when she saw him.

Chuck's brain shut down each time he realized she smiled like that at him, for him… and only for him. It was something that would drive any person's confidence through the roof, and it absolutely had. Gone was the worried, 'scared he would constantly screw something up' Chuck. Now Chuck had confidence, and that made the smile Sarah Walker had for him even more radiant. They were together; Casey knew and was basically okay with it, Beckman knew and was thrilled with the results the team had shown. Together. Chuck wasn't sure exactly what 'together' meant, but he was with Sarah, and that's all that really mattered. He was playing it cool, although deep down, it was killing him a little.

"Hey, I have something for you to try," Sarah said.

"Sarah, there are customers here," he said softly. She blushed and threw a wadded-up napkin at him.

"No, I have a new corndog," she replied.

"And I have the motherlode of douche-bag Russians," Chuck countered. Sarah was a little stunned, and paused. "But you made me a corndog, so you win." Sarah grinned at him.

"Actually, it was the CIA's newest invention trying to use up all the grain we have in storage," Sarah replied. Chuck blinked a few times.

"That makes sense," he said. Leaning forward, he continued, "I would have gone to Casey, but this actually affects him." Sarah looked intrigued. "On that list is one Ilsa Trinchina, who wrote several love letters to a man she called, 'Sugar Bear'." Sarah just stared at him.

"Are you trying to tell me John Casey, Mr Speaks-in-Grunts, a guy I have no idea what type of woman would be attracted to him, or what type of woman he would be attracted to, is 'Sugar Bear'?" Sarah asked.

"Sarah, she's beautiful," Chuck replied, grinning.

"Now you're just lying," Sarah replied. Chuck pulled out the list of names. "Chuck, is this to get back at me for turning the shower water on cold the other day? Is this for real?"

"First, please never do that again, I'm already self-conscious enough about myself, without shrinkage," Chuck began. Sarah issued a short, strangled snort, as she tried to hold in a laugh, but nearly burst. "Second, I'm telling you this is for real, and I have no information on her Sarah… nothing."

Sarah looked at him. He recognized that look. That was the she-was-interested-in-doing-something-but-not-sure-it-was-a-good-idea look. He had figured it out after he first saw it a few nights before Christmas. "Sarah, if I'm messing with you, I have to do your laundry for a month." Her eyes narrowed.

"And if you're right?" she asked. Chuck grinned, and she groaned. "Are you serious? Again?" She looked at him. "There are so many other things you could use that bet on." Chuck gulped, but held his ground. She came around the counter, and ran her finger down his shirt. "Have you ever thought about me bringing this outfit home with me, without it smelling like sausage, and us putting it to good use?" Sweat popped out on Chuck's forehead. He shook his head no.

She nearly stamped her foot and pouted, but didn't. "Fine!" she said, crossing her arms. "We'll go to Disneyland and ride It's A Small World again!" Chuck grinned. "You just make me do it because you know that song gets stuck in my head. It's really not fair."

"All's fair in love and war, Sarah," he said, and then he thought about it, and wondered if he had gone too far. He looked over and saw Sarah grinning at him.

"Really, Chuck? This is war?" she asked. He started to answer, but stopped.

"I'm screwed either way," he mumbled.

"I guess it depends on which way you wish to be screwed," she said as she walked around the counter. Chuck nearly had to pick his jaw up from the ground. "You have to go tell Casey, though." Chuck turned to leave. "Chuck, tonight, my apartment, I expect an answer to the question I asked you." Chuck fled.

She smirked as she wiped the counter. "He's going to go see Awesome," she muttered to herself. She began to hum. She really hoped she won that bet. She had no desire to hear that song… CRAP it was in her head!

-ooooo-

Chuck was in an absolute panic. Morgan had told him about the situation Ellie and Devon were in, and Devon had gone with the washer and dryer instead of the television. Ellie wasn't going to like that. Not at all. To make it worse, when he talked to Devon, Devon told him he needed to play it cool and not tell Sarah it was love. That was too quick, especially for someone like Sarah. Now Devon was in all sorts of hot water with Ellie, so should Chuck use his advice?

To add to this Bizarro world in which Chuck found himself, he had given Casey a heads-up about Ilsa, and had put things to him as delicately as he could. Casey didn't seem happy, and Chuck hadn't rubbed it in during the meeting with Beckman. Chuck wasn't sure which was more bothersome: That he had a doppelganger in Russia, or that Casey actually had a woman as beautiful as Ilsa fall in love with him. He had found Casey pricing computers, and told him if he wanted to talk, he was there. As he walked away, Casey simply nodded.

Soon, though, he found himself at lunch with Casey. And John Casey, Mr. Grunt himself, had opened up, and went on and on about himself and Ilsa. Chuck was moved. That was when he found himself trying to call Sarah about what to do. She had texted him she couldn't talk unless it was an emergency. Chuck convinced Casey to come with him to the hotel, and that's when they found themselves in front of Sarah, who looked a bit unhappy, yet happy all at the same time.

"I'd like to apologize, Agent Walker. Uh, Chuck here convinced me," Casey began.

"To bring me down here, to the all-night stakeout, because I missed you. And I thought if I could see some surveillance, maybe I could flash and get what we need and end this quickly, so I could see you," Chuck said, grinning. Sarah gave him the look. The one that said she didn't buy it, but she'd let it go.

"Okay, let's go in here… you know what, Casey, let me talk to my analyst for a second about something," Sarah said. Casey paused. "Actually, Casey, it's more boyfriend-girlfriend stuff."

"Ugh," he grunted, and ran back to the van. Chuck spun toward Sarah.

"I'm a spy, Chuck," Sarah said. "I know when something's up." Chuck swallowed.

"Listen, Sarah, I can't just watch him self-implode," Chuck began.

"Chuck," she cut in. "I understand. Just be careful, okay?" Chuck nodded. She gave him a quick kiss. "Now, I have my mission to complete, and maybe if we get everything done in time, we won't have to stay up all night." She turned to open the door, paused, and turned back to him. "Or, if we do, it won't be spy related," she winked. Chuck had a stupid grin plastered on his face. Sarah got the cart and took off. Chuck joined Casey in the van, and they watched the monitors together. That's when Chuck found Ilsa, and tried to convince Casey to go talk to her. But Casey refused to budge.

"Casey, you don't want to spend the rest of your life hating yourself for what you didn't have the guts to say tonight. Trust me, I know," Chuck told him. Casey nodded. As much as he hated to admit it, this Chuck, this new Chuck, was good for the team. Casey took a deep breath and said what he had to say.

"Maybe you should take your own advice," Casey replied. Chuck stood there, slack-jawed. Casey left, and shortly thereafter Sarah called him on the comms. And then it all went belly-up.

-ooooo-

Chuck and Sarah hadn't talked since things went south in Ilsa's room the night before. Chuck kept an eye on Casey, and Sarah wasn't responding to text. Chuck wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't really trust Devon's advice right now, and Casey, who had kind'a become another go to, was in no shape after he and Ilsa had talked. He had texted Sarah he was watching Casey, which in hindsight really didn't require a response. But in the past, she had. If not a word, then an emoji. Sarah Walker used an emoji… what was the world coming to? An hour before Ilsa's wedding, he walked into Casey's apartment and found him in his boxers, drunk, and listening to Neil Diamond while eating a hot pocket. Chuck steeled himself, and began to try to talk some sense into him.

-ooooo-

At the same time, Sarah went to Chuck's apartment. She needed to see him. It had been a long day, and they were no closer to ending this assignment. She missed her boyfriend. She paused. Her boyfriend.

She thought back to her and Beckman's conversation right before Christmas. She knew this was her last assignment. She didn't know if she and Chuck were forever, but he had shown her she had a life. She had more than just being a spy in her future. She hoped her future was with Chuck. She knew how she felt, not that she could really admit it. But when Chuck had said what he said about love and war, Sarah didn't want to run. In fact, she felt a warmth in her that she wasn't sure the last time she felt it… if ever.

She knocked on the door, and it opened, revealing a very drunk Ellie. Sarah considered running, but Ellie, being Ellie, sucked her in. They sat, and had a conversation, inasmuch that Ellie talked, and Sarah nodded a lot.

Ellie talked about having three feet in, and she wanted four. When Ellie went to get more wine, Sarah wondered, did she herself have both feet in? Did Chuck? Did she want four feet in? She didn't know, but she knew the thought of four feet in didn't scare her. What the hell was it about the Bartowskis that got you mixed up in craziness, and you just accepted it?

-ooooo-

Back at pantless Casey's, John tossed the necklace Ilsa had given him and it broke, revealing a long-distance bug that Chuck flashed on. Casey rushed into action. Chuck tried to stop him, but the best he managed was stopping Casey from driving. As they rushed past his apartment, he noticed Sarah and Ellie through the window, drinking and talking. Chuck's stomach hurt at the thought. But he kept going, not sure if was better to interrupt them, or to never mention it again.

-ooooo-

"In the past few months, I've noticed you and Chuck seem to be getting closer," Ellie said. Sarah looked at her, took a deep breath, and decided she had to do this. Four feet in, right?

"Ellie, your brother… he made me realize things about myself, things I didn't think were possible, and it scared me. It scared me so bad," Sarah began. Ellie sat up and listened. "Ellie, I pushed him away early on, because all the men I've ever been involved with have hurt me. Including my dad. I know it wasn't fair, but emotional compartmentalization was how I always protected myself. Your brother, though, God… he just doesn't stop." Ellie was beaming with pride. "And I don't mean that negatively. He's just there, you know, to listen, to say a kind word, to be the kind'a guy you need, when you need it."

"He's aces," Ellie slurred.

"There came a moment where I thought I was going to have to leave, because of a job… the one I left in DC," Sarah explained. "I let my barrier down, and let him in. It turned out that I didn't have to go back, not that I wanted to. And here I was, we had this big moment, and I was scared. I was still here, and I didn't know how to deal with things. Chuck told me that he knew what it meant that in the last moments I thought I was here, I completely let him in. He thanked me for trusting him." Ellie was in tears.

"Thanksgiving," Ellie said. Sarah nodded. "That's when it all changed."

"He didn't push, he gave me space, made me think about what I wanted, about what I needed," Sarah said. "I can't talk about what happened in DC. NDAs and all that. But part of the deal was they could always call me back, and Chuck knew it. He gave me space to work things out." She took a deep breath. Four feet in. "I was then offered the option of not returning to DC, and I'm going to take it. I don't know what the future holds for me and Chuck, but it's not in DC. Not anymore. I deserve better, you know? I deserve to have a real life." Ellie grabbed Sarah and hugged her.

-ooooo-

"Chuck, we're gonna need help," Casey said, as they ran across the hotel. "I can't kick all their asses." Chuck rolled his eyes, and pulled out his phone and called Sarah. He told her the entire situation and hung up.

"Back-up is on its way," Chuck said.

"Sarah is a hell of a woman. I really think you're in over your head," Casey said.

"That may be the nicest thing you've ever said," Chuck replied.

"I have my moments," Casey replied, and burped. Chuck waved away the stench.

-ooooo-

"Ellie, that was Chuck," Sarah began.

"Go to him. You have all four feet in, and I am so happy for you," Ellie said. Sarah paused at the door.

"We don't have all four yet, but I think I want us to," Sarah replied.

"Go get him, but don't hurt him," Ellie said. Sarah shook her head.

"I don't plan on it, Ellie," Sarah replied, smiling at her softly. Ellie smiled wickedly.

"Oh, Sarah, I know you won't emotionally," Ellie replied. Sarah's eyes got big, and she spun and opened the door, seeing Morgan.

"Hey, Morgan. Ellie's having a bad night, drank a little," Sarah began.

"I got it," Morgan said, coming inside.

"Sarah's about to-" Ellie replied.

"I have to go," Sarah said, fighting off the blush and running away.

"That Chuck is one lucky guy," Morgan said. Ellie nodded.

-ooooo-

"Did you know Casey thinks the loss of a limb is an acceptable loss?" Chuck asked, reliving the night's earlier action over in his head. Sarah laughed, from outside the bathroom where Chuck was drying himself off. He put on the robe, finally feeling warm again. "Explain to me why after falling into water, it took more water for me to feel human again?"

"Explain to me why I don't read you the riot act, for going out of that window into the pool?" Sarah asked. Chuck gulped, not really having the words for that one. She set her jaw and patted the couch beside her. Chuck came and sat down. "Casey and Ilsa are at his apartment."

"Hey," Chuck said, leaning forward. Sarah put her hand in the middle of his chest, pushing him back.

"We leave them alone," Sarah said. "She'll fly out tomorrow." Chuck started to say something. Sarah looked down at her hands and twisted the ring she had on it. "It's a spy's life, Chuck. We could be assigned anywhere at any time." A heavy silence filled the air. "Morgan and your sister are in bed." Chuck whipped his head around. "Both are fully clothed, although I'm not sure how Ellie's gonna react to being a little spoon with him."

"Won't be the first Bartowski he's spooned," Chuck muttered. Sarah gave him a look. "Do you really want that story?" Sarah shook her head no.

"Devon is working on returning the washer and dryer that were the problem, and getting Ellie the TV she wants," Sarah said.

"So, Devon is doing what she wants and not what he thinks is right," Chuck mumbled. Sarah rolled her eyes where Chuck couldn't see. "Sarah, about Ilsa, and leaving." He stopped, not sure what to say.

"Chuck, this assignment has opened my eyes to a lot of things," Sarah began. "I am very good at what I do, but this is the first time I've been used in a protection detail in a very long time. Usually, my assignments are for me to kill someone." She paused. Four feet in. She lifted her head, and looked him right in the eye. "This assignment is my last," she said softly. "I deserve a life with more, and it took meeting you to realize that. Thank you."

"Sarah," Chuck began. She shook her head, holding up her hand to stop him from interrupting. She needed to get all of this out.

"Give me a second," she said. He nodded. "I'm not making this decision for you, Chuck. I'm making it for me. I hope we are together for a long time." She studied him closely and smirked. "Oh, hell, who am I kidding? I hope you're it." Chuck grinned. "But, if you're not, I still don't want to go back. And not just the CIA, but that life. I can't. There's a lot I need to tell you, share with you, but I need to do it as I'm ready. Not because I don't trust you, but because I know how hard it was for me to do and live this life, to commit these acts. I need to bring you in slowly. I'm just not ready to face it all, yet, to relive a lot of those memories that I've buried deep inside of me." Chuck nodded. "But what I am ready for, is to hear from you, Chuck. I asked you a question the other day: Is it love or war?"

"Oh, it's both," Chuck answered. Sarah gave him a perplexed look.

"It's war, because I don't know what a wonderful woman like you is doing with a guy like me," Chuck said grinning. "It's war, because I'm fighting myself constantly." He paused and took a deep breath. He reached over and took Sarah's hand. "It's also love. I love you, Sarah." Tears were in her eyes. "I don't know when or if you'll be able to say it to me, but you deserve to know that you are loved. I love you." Sarah slowly leaned over and kissed him softly.

"I need you to know I consider you my boyfriend, Chuck," Sarah said, slowly kissing on his neck. Chuck was having a whole lot of trouble processing the words she was saying, but he was trying. "I need you to know I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you." She took her hand and pushed open one side of the robe dragging her hand across his chest. "I need you to know that…" she couldn't finish it. "Damn it."

"Hey, it's okay," Chuck said.

"No, it's not," Sarah replied, frustrated. "I want four feet in." Chuck pulled back and looked at her. "Ellie," she replied.

"That actually explains everything," Chuck replied. Sarah chuckled. "Sarah, we have all the time in the world."

"No, Chuck," Sarah replied. "We may not. I'm not taking another assignment, but nothing says either of us makes it out of this one, alive."

"Then we enjoy each moment of it," Chuck said to her. "We spend it together, we be this spy team, and then, after that, it's just Chuck and Sarah." Sarah grinned at him, reached down, and untied his robe. His eyes got huge. She stood up, tossed off her tee shirt, and shucked off her jeans quickly.

"Just Chuck and Sarah," she said, climbing onto his lap. She grabbed his head and began to kiss him. She ground herself against him as she did, and he moaned into her mouth, making her smile. "What's wrong, Chuck, can't handle just Chuck and Sarah?" He broke the kiss, attacked her neck, put one hand on her hips and rocked against her.

She had never before heard the noise that came out of her mouth.

"What's the matter, Sarah? Can't handle just Chuck and Sarah?" he teased back. "Is it too much?" he asked, rocking her again. With an unsteady hand, she reached behind her, unsnapped her bra, and tossed it. His eyes went wide, and movements stopped.

"Psst… my eyes are up here," she said. He snapped his view up to see Sarah with the biggest grin on her face. She took her fingers and slowly dragged them down his chest. He tried to speak but could form no words. He took his fingers from her hip, and slowly dragged them up her spine lightly, causing her to gasp and arch into him. He pulled her as close as possible, causing her to gasp again.

"Psst… my eyes are down here," he replied. She grabbed his face in her hands.

"Chuck, you are so gonna pay for all of this," she said smirking.

"I certainly hope so, Sarah," he said. "I love you."

"I love you," she whispered, tears in her eyes. He kissed her gently, and Sarah knew she had found home. Tears began to fall, and Chuck stopped kissing her and just held her. Sarah wept. She didn't even know she had this many repressed emotions in her, but she let them all out, in his arms, as he held her, comforted her, and was just there.

"Hey, let's get in bed," he whispered softly. "You need sleep."

"You have your half-naked girlfriend in your lap, and you want to sleep?" she asked, chuckling, but moving that direction.

"I figured you were drained," he said, with a soft smile. She turned to him.

"Are you?" she asked. Chuck shook his head. "Then I need to remedy that," she said grinning evilly, and tossing him on the bed.

"Wait," he said, causing her to come up short. "I need it said for the record: I find it ridiculously sexy that you toss me around all the time." Sarah smirked at him.

"And I find it ridiculously sexy that you find that ridiculously sexy," Sarah replied. "Now… I have a boyfriend to make happy."

"Sarah, you already do," he said softly. The look on her face was indescribable.

"Chuck, I love you," she said. "Just remember that in the morning, when you stumble into the Buy More with no sleep and barely able to move." Chuck grinned.

"You remember the same thing when you gaze across the parking lot tomorrow, thinking about me," Chuck replied. Sarah pounced him and the two laughed, played, giggled, and made love throughout the rest of the night.

a/n: Thanks for reading.