Chapter 19: The Panic

He saw it all again: His mother's unforgiving eyes, his father's brutal rage, the torch against his body, the gypsy girl...

How stupid of him to think she really loved him.

The flames ravaging Claude's body reminded him that he was not loved.

Not by that girl, nor his parents, nor anyone...

Esmeralda was woken by a bloodcurdling scream and a thrash. She jolted in bed at the commotion, but quickly collected herself and noticed sounds of heavy, panicked breathing. She reached for her husband and found him trembling. Esmeralda pulled him tightly into her embrace, hoping it would do something to calm him.

Frollo was overwhelmed with a stress he hadn't experienced in longer than he could remember. The nightmares were back. Any hope he'd had of leaving this fear in the past and getting on with his life was ruthlessly crushed.

It wasn't over. Frollo was sure that, for one reason or another, God was forcing these memories on him. He didn't know why or how to make it stop, and that terrified him.

He screamed again. Esmeralda tightened her hold on him. Her touch was his only comfort.

Frollo remembered a time in his childhood when he'd woken up from a nightmare and ran to his mother. She'd told him to shut up and go back to bed, that he shouldn't be afraid of things that weren't real. He'd never expected comfort again.

Esmeralda had changed his expectations. Her warm embrace was everything he wanted at this time. He couldn't even be bothered by the fact that she was witnessing another vulnerable moment. The fear rushing through him was too powerful for such worries to matter.

His heart pounded. His breathing was out of control. Esmeralda was pondering what to do when Frollo suddenly went limp in her arms. She gasped. At first she wondered if he'd dropped dead, but she could still feel her husband's breath. In the dark she could barely make out his gaping, paralyzed eyes. He'd fainted.

Esmeralda let out a sigh of relief. Fainting was something she could deal with. She'd been in this position herself.

She let go of her husband, allowing him to lie still. While waiting for him to recover, she anxiously considered the implications of what had just happened. Having nightmares was one thing, but hyperventilating to the point of passing out was something far worse. Esmeralda made a decision. One way or another, she HAD to get Frollo to tell her what was putting him in such distress. It was clear now that even his physical health was at risk if Esmeralda couldn't find a way to help him.

After a few minutes, he started to blink and managed a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" Esmeralda asked.

Frollo knew what he needed to do, and it did not involve her. He closed his eyes.

"...Yes." He whispered.

He pretended to fall asleep.

Esmeralda still feared for her husband, but she certainly wouldn't stop him from sleeping again. It meant she would have to wait to start a conversation, so she allowed herself to sleep again as well.

Frollo waited. Eventually, he touched his wife to check that she was asleep. She didn't move. The judge took the opportunity to quietly leave.

When a fire was lit, he dropped to his knees in front of it. He prayed.

"I don't understand, Lord... Why are you doing this to me? Have I done something wrong?"

Frollo hated to think that God was punishing him, that he had done something worthy of punishment. Judge Claude Frollo was a good man. He knew that about himself. The idea that he had done something heinous enough to deserve this kind of suffering was unthinkable. But it was the only explanation he could come up with.

"I'll atone for it." He promised. "Whatever it is... I'll punish myself if that's what it takes! Just take this away from me... please..."

Frollo rubbed his eyes as they filled with fearful tears.

"PLEASE!" He begged. "God... have mercy!"

He would do whatever was necessary to end this, even if it meant punishing himself.

Frollo decided that he would not eat until the nightmares ended.

The sun rose. The bells of Notre Dame rang. Esmeralda yawned.

She remembered what had happened in the night. It needed to be addressed. But Esmeralda soon realized she was alone in the bed. She scanned the room, but found it empty. Afraid, she went to look for Frollo in the one place he would likely be. Sure enough, she found him by the fireplace, staring into the flames.

"You shouldn't be here." Frollo warned.

"I just want to know how you're doing." Esmeralda said caringly.

"Fine." Frollo lied.

At least he was calm now. He'd already broken down and cried out to God. Now he had to wait, and he intended to wait alone.

"Send my regards to Quasimodo." The judge requested.

"You're not going?" Esmeralda asked.

"I need to be alone." Frollo insisted. "I'll find you later. Don't bother me until then."

"I'm seriously worried about you." Esmeralda reminded. "Last night was-"

"Nothing!" Frollo interrupted. "It was nothing to be concerned about! Do you hear me?!"

Esmeralda saw that this was a poor time to start the conversation. She would give it some time.

The rest of the day was dreadful. Esmeralda tried to hide her anxiety when she was with Quasimodo, sticking to trivial topics of conversation. When questioned about Frollo's absence, she simply replied, "He didn't feel up to coming today." It was a truthful answer, but one that spared the details. Esmeralda didn't want Quasimodo to know everything. He didn't deserve to feel the stress that she was currently feeling.

Frollo was still locked up with the fireplace when Esmeralda returned. As instructed, she left him alone. For hours she waited for him, dying to solve this problem once and for all. But he never left that room. Night fell. Esmeralda grew increasingly worried and impatient. Finally, she could no longer wait.

She opened the door cautiously. What she saw was disturbing. Frollo was pacing in front of the fireplace, looking worn out and miserable. Esmeralda didn't want to think of how long he'd been doing this. She started toward him. Frollo stopped his pacing when he noticed her.

"I told you to stay away." He reminded harshly.

"This is ridiculous!" Esmeralda insisted. "You've been locked up in here all day! You haven't eaten anything, or talked to me, or shown a single sign of life! How am I supposed to take this?!"

"You're supposed to leave me alone!" Frollo asserted.

"Please come out of here!" Esmeralda begged. "At least have something to eat!"

"I'm not hungry." Frollo lied.

Esmeralda marched up to her husband, coming close enough to touch him.

"What on earth are you doing to yourself?" She asked.

"What I need to!" Frollo responded. "And you need to stay out of it!"

"You're really scaring me now!" Esmeralda informed. "Can you please tell me what's wrong? Maybe I can help!"

"No one can!"

"Why not?"

"Because no one can control GOD!"

Frollo quickly regretted his words. He hadn't meant to reveal so much. Now Esmeralda looked at him with a new curiosity.

"You think God is doing this to you?" She asked. "Why do you think that?"

Frollo responded by turning his back to her. He couldn't talk about this.

"You need to leave..." He said threateningly.

"I can't!" Esmeralda cried. "Not after what happened last night!"

Frollo shivered. The events of the previous night played through his head. They scared him.

"You fainted in my arms." Esmeralda reminded. "After that... I'm just afraid that something will happen to you."

Frollo didn't speak to her.

"Are you planning to stay here all night?" Esmeralda asked.

He still didn't speak.

"I know you're afraid of sleeping." Esmeralda went on. "But you can't stay awake forever."

Frollo couldn't ignore how hard it was becoming to stay awake. He really couldn't do this forever, but sleep was terrifying.

"I'll be there." Esmeralda promised. "I'll wake you up if I need to."

It was an offer the judge couldn't refuse. Avoiding sleep was impossible, but being woken in the event of a nightmare was good security.

"You'd better." He finally said.

Frollo only hoped that tonight would be painless. He didn't want to continue to starve...

With this chapter, I have set the stage for the climax. Thanks for your patience and kind commentary! Your support has given me so much inspiration.