Chapter 10: Closure

Something about my new kit felt wrong. It wasn't the kit itself. It was something niggling at the back of my mind. I obviously loved my new kit, but something about raising this kit was wrong. When I looked at Foamkit, I would see features I knew she didn't have. Maybe I'd see a splotch I knew Patchkit had. Maybe her build looked a little too much like Larchkit. Maybe her mewling sounded a little too much like Petalkit. It was disquieting to feel this way about my new kit. I wanted Foamkit to be Foamkit, but I could feel deep in my heart that I was latching on to her as a replacement for my lost kits. For the safety and wellbeing of my new kit, I needed to solve this issue. I needed closure.

I departed camp silently with Foamkit. This was something I felt needed to be done without my companions. Again, I felt out the Darkforest in its cloudy form looking for the edge that connected to Starclan. It was surprisingly easy to feel with how its borders actively reflected my pulses. It was like a wall filled with tiny holes. My pulses bounced off it, but some would slip through giving me a small view past it. I made my way towards the wall semi-expecting to see a physical wall, but instead I saw a barrier. It was extremely similar to the barrier below the mud, but it was more porous. That wasn't to say I could pass through it, but my powers could if I was careful.

Beyond the barrier was Starclan. It was as vibrant and radiant as I'd last seen it, but as I looked closer, the beauty was too organized. There was no chaotic beauty like a flower damaged under paw or wild dandelions sneaking into the grass. It was in a way, too perfect. It was too calculated. I could spy animal dens, but their territories did not seem to overlap. It was like if a cat with a mind only for ruthless efficiency was tasked with making paradise.

Regardless, getting in was not my purpose. I wanted only one thing, to see my kits again. I needed to know the truth on if they guided my paws near the end of my life or not. I felt out the barrier for a good area to push my will through. It didn't take long surprisingly. From there, I crafted a nest for Foamkit and I to lay in while I scouted for my other kits. Foamkit was kind enough to remain napping while I began my search.

Birchface POV:

Birchface had been playing with my kits when something unexpected happened. A familiar scent wafted over. The kits froze at that scent and then became excited.

"Do you smell that?!"

"It's her! I know it is!"

"Momma! We're coming!"

With that, the three kits bolted. Birchface was spooked. There was no way I was there. I was in the Darkforest. There shouldn't be a way for me to get there. He chased after the kits wondering what kind of illusion was cast on them. He tracked them until he saw it. The Darkforest was visible and he saw three little scraps running right towards it. He pounded after them to try to head them off, but it was futile. They reached the barrier.

Mapleshade POV:

"Momma!" I heard Patchkit screech excitedly.

I looked up to see my three kits pelting over towards me. Their excitement got the better of them as they slammed into the barrier and bounced.

"Ow!"

"What happened?"

"What was that?"

I looked at my kits in a mixture of amusement and sadness.

"I'm sorry my kits. There is a barrier between us. The Darkforest and Starclan weren't made to mingle."

This visibly upset my kits as their little paws scratched and scrambled at the barrier trying to make a hole. It was ineffective.

"Momma!" Patchkit wailed realizing their reunion was bittersweet.

We could not touch each other again. I pressed my head against the barrier trying to give my kits even the slightest bit of comfort. They did so in turn. Tears were running down my face. I couldn't stand that I'd never feel my kits again. Then I heard pawsteps pounding over. I looked up to see Birchface standing protectively over my kits.

"Birchface. I'm glad if any cat, you are the one watching over my kits."

Birchface was quietly defensive in his response. "Mapleshade. I'm glad your kits get some solace it seeing you again."

He didn't know if he could trust me. I was cast into the Darkforest for a reason. I shook off my tears.

"Right. I came here for something. I needed to know, did my kits ask me to do those horrible things? Were they really trapped, and did I free them?"

Birchface didn't want to reveal the whole truth. I was still untrustworthy in his eyes. He gave me an answer though.

"No. Your kits went straight to Starclan. They never wanted you to kill. In fact, they begged and pleaded for you to stop, but you couldn't hear them."

Tears poured down my face as I let his words sink into me. I was the monster after all. My kits never needed my vengeance. I'd let my rage cloud my mind and murdered in cold blood.

"I… I am a monster."

I sunk to the ground letting the sickly black mud coat my pelt. I wallowed in my grief and regrets and was starting to shut out the world.

"Momma no."

"It's not your fault."

"Please momma."

My kits mewled at me, but I couldn't bring myself to meet their eyes. I'd committed such horrors in their name. Birchface scrutinized me looking for signs of deceit. Finally a fourth kit voice broke through my stupor.

"Mom! Where are we? It's scary!"

I rose to my paws looking back to Foamkit cowering in our nest. I blasted the mud off me as my maternal instincts kicked into overdrive. I wrapped myself protectively around the kit.

"It's ok. I'm here. Nothing can hurt you while I'm here. I just brought us here to meet your siblings."

"Siblings!" my three Starclan kits squeaked.

I let Foamkit clamber onto my back with her head resting on top of my head.

"That's right. This here is Foamkit."

"Hello!" My newest kit squeaked back.

I subtly created another stone platform for Foamkit to stand on. She was jabbering excitedly with my other kits. Meanwhile, I took a step away to talk with Birchface. He looked at me with suspicion.

"Mapleshade. How did you come to possess another kit?"

"The Darkforest has much looser rules than Starclan. Originally Foamkit was an amalgamation of echoes." I said assuming echoes were present in Starclan.

"Echoes? Those never last very long. How did yours even have enough time to conglomerate?"

I stared at him confused. Nothing should diffuse an echo.

"I don't get what you're saying. Echoes don't disappear, at least not here. You can absorb them, but nothing actively gets rid of them."

That left Birchface in a state of confusion.

"What? Do you not have the pulses?"

"The pulses?"

Birchface couldn't hide the pulses now that he'd mentioned them.

"Every once and a while, a pulse goes out erasing things. Usually, it's just a branch or a rabbit, but it can turn an old cat into an echo or erase the echo."

That sounded terrifying. I looked at my three kits from life with worry.

"It's not safe for them there?"

Birchface finally conceded that I was indeed worried for my kits and wasn't likely as evil as the council made me out to be.

"Don't worry. There are a couple places safe from the pulses. Also being this far out reduces their effect. The question is how did you get here."

"As I said. The Darkforest has looser rules. Nothing says distance is fixed or even the landscape. I got here because I believed I could, and I got what I came for. I'm glad that I won't have to eternally wonder how and who is caring for my kits. I can raise Foamkit without fearing I'm using her as a replacement for them."

I looked lovingly at all my kits, Foamkit included. They were sharing stories of what they'd seen. It was beautiful in the simplest of ways.