My Best Christmas Ever!
Chapter 11
Rick and Kate both experience restless nights, neither knowing what the other is thinking but sensing that their feelings for one another are growing. But neither knows how to deal with those emotions, considering their current circumstances.
Rick lies on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Then, he turns over, attempting to tell himself he should get to sleep, but his thoughts are turning cartwheels in his head, and if Rick's honest with himself, in his heart, too, as he wrestles with his ever-growing feelings for Kate. His emotions are going wild. If Rick closes his eyes, he sees every smile, hears every laugh, and feels every emotion he has felt for this woman in the short time since they met.
Her external beauty is what I first noticed, but it took little time to discover that her internal beauty was even more extraordinary. That, coupled with her heart and how easily she has melded into my family, especially with Levi, is beyond anything I ever anticipated feeling again. I know I was on the brink of sharing those feelings with Kate earlier tonight, but when she shared the details of her possible Captaincy with her precinct, I couldn't see any other options. I can't imagine there is a way we can allow our feelings to grow deeper, no matter how we feel. But accepting that rationale doesn't feel right. What are we going to do?
In the Great Room, surrounded by the warmth of the fire burning in the magnificent fireplace, Kate is experiencing similar emotions and questions. Her thoughts were racing.
I can't believe Captain Montgomery or Chief Butler are considering me for a captain's slot. That doesn't even seem realistic. I know I'm good at my job, but becoming a Captain, especially replacing Roy. I've never considered that as an option. Do I even want to become a Captain? I see all of the paperwork Montgomery does, and I hear him constantly complaining about all the politics he is involved in. I'm not sure I'm cut out for that. I love being a cop. I love being in the field. I can't see myself chained to a desk.
Kate sat back up and leaned her head on the back of the couch, struggling to envision that type of change in her career. Then, she allowed her thoughts to drift to Rick and his family.
I've never felt this way toward anyone, let alone an entire family. It seems as though I've known Rick, Martha, and Levi for quite some time. But this has all happened so fast, yet it feels so natural. Is what's happened this week real?
The questions continue to flow, so she makes a long overdue call.
"Hey, Dad, it's me," Kate said as her Dad answered her unexpected call.
"Katie Bug, is everything okay?" Jim Beckett questioned when his only daughter's name appeared on his caller ID.
"Yeah, Dad. I'm fine. I just wanted to talk to you. I am so sorry I didn't call before you left for the cabin," Kate shared, not using work as an excuse because they both know how hard the holidays are for them.
And never wanting to put undue pressure on his daughter, Jim replied, "That's okay, Katie. I read the papers, and I knew you were probably busy."
Getting up the nerve to broach the actual reason for her call, Kate didn't respond to her Dad's comment. Instead, she told him about her forced vacation, avoiding the fact that her injury had been one of the primary reasons for her three-week leave.
"Yeah, you wouldn't believe how all of this happened. The shopkeeper double-booked the cabin, and once we discovered the error, Ray couldn't find an alternative place for one of us to stay, so we agreed that I would spend one night at the cabin with Rick and his family. Then I'd get a flight back to New York the next day."
Kate then shared the highlights of the days she spent with Rick and his family but avoided the fact that he was Richard Castle, her and her Mom's favorite author.
"It's been crazy, Dad. Since Rick and his family invited me to stay for the holidays, we've all enjoyed some great times. His Son, Levi, has this bucket list of things he wants to do to have, as he calls it, 'The Best Christmas Ever.' So, I've been doing all I can to help them make that happen. Levi is such a special little guy; I couldn't resist helping."
Knowing his daughter as well as he does, he knows there are some facts she is leaving out, but he isn't going to push her for further details. But then, Kate's next question takes him completely by surprise,
"Dad, I know you miss Mom even more than I do, but do you ever think about some of our Christmas trips to our cabin?"
Jim has to take a moment to compose himself before quietly saying, "Yes, Katie. I always think about them, especially when I come to the cabin. That's why I insist on coming here alone for the holiday. It's one of the rare times when it feels like your Mom is here with me. Those trips were some of the happiest times of our lives."
Kate is brushing tears from her cheeks as she listens to her Dad's heartfelt feelings. She then cautiously asks,
"Do you think we could renew that tradition sometime? I don't mean we have to go to our cabin, that may be too difficult. But maybe we could go somewhere else and spend the Christmas holiday together."
Her Father's quick response stuns Kate as he excitedly answers, "I'd love that Katie Bug. I think we have spent too many Christmas holidays apart, but I was afraid to bring it up, fearing you wouldn't feel the same as me. I'd love to begin making new traditions with you. And I think going to a different place would be great. We could both start fresh and build new memories together."
Now Kate is openly crying as she answers, "Oh, Daddy, I'd love that. I miss you so much. Maybe next year, we could come out here to Mount Shasta. I think you would love it." Suggesting this location in hopes that Rick and his family might also choose to return for another Christmas getaway.
Father and daughter end their conversation with a renewed sense of joy as they realize they have made a significant move toward healing after all these years of mourning the loss of his wife and her Mother.
After promising to call him when she returns to New York, Kate disconnects the call with her Dad. Then, sitting alone, Kate experiences countless emotions on both ends of the spectrum. On one end, she had an overwhelming joy about renewing a treasured tradition with her Dad. Conversely, she feels bombarded with feelings of the unknown when she thinks of her job, Rick, and his family, especially the feelings Rick revealed regarding their relationship.
The following day, there is an awkward silence between Rick and Kate as they prepare breakfast. Neither had slept well, and both were even more uneasy about each other's feelings yet afraid to take the first step to have an open and honest discussion.
Martha is the first to enter the kitchen, immediately sensing an unexplained friction between her Son and their guest. Still, before she can question them, Levi bounces into the room, singing Jingle Bells and continuing his death grip on his trophy. He sits his prize next to his place at the table and goes to the food bar to greet his Daddy and Kate.
"Morning, Daddy and Kate. Doesn't my trophy look great?"
Neither could avoid grinning and telling Levi that his trophy was incredible. The simple question from the young boy helped break some of the ice between the two adults.
Just as everyone prepared to sit down for breakfast, Martha's cell phone rang, showing Ray's name.
Martha answered, "Well, good morning, Ray. It's a surprise to receive a call so early."
Once again, Rick, Kate, and Levi can only hear Martha's conversation.
"Oh. That sounds like quite an event. Of course, I accept your apology. I know you have been extremely busy running your store and dealing with all the unexpected weather events. I will need to speak with Richard and Katherine, but I assume we will be there," Martha said as her call ended.
As soon as the call ended, with raised eyebrows, Rick asked, "What was that all about, Mother?"
"Richard, if you will be patient, I would love to explain the reason for Ray's early morning call."
Now, remaining quiet, Rick, along with Kate and Levi, anxiously awaits the explanation for the shopkeeper's call.
"We've been invited to another holiday event. Every Christmas, Ray hosts an old-fashioned hayride and Cowboy cookout for many of the guests on Shasta Mountain. He has been so busy at the store, and with many events impacted by the weather, he failed to invite some of the newest visitors to the mountain."
Martha went on to share details about other activities that would be happening and the fact that the festivities were that evening.
Levi was excited and asked if he could add a hayride to his Christmas list. At the same time, Rick and Kate exchanged a rather uncomfortable glance before Rick responded,
"This place certainly has a lot of parties." Looking between the expectant look on Levi's face and the non-committal expression from Kate, he knew everyone was waiting for him to voice his opinion first.
"How could I turn down a hayride and a Cowboy cookout, whatever that is," laughed Rick.
Levi was elated even if he didn't understand the Cowboy cookout idea. But he understood what party meant. Martha was relieved as she wanted to accommodate Ray's request since he had been so gracious about her inclusion into his travel club. As for Kate, her mind was still reeling with her unspoken feelings for Rick, yet she found herself looking forward to another opportunity to spend time with his family.
Everyone's singing, 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas,' as Ray guides the tractor and hayrack back to the rear of his food mart. Guests climb down from the rear of the hayrack, going in different directions. Some went to the food tables, some to explore a lighted maze constructed with hay bales, as Rick and Kate moved toward the bonfire.
Many of their earlier tensions have left both of them as they laugh and sit by the fire to warm up. Rick reaches behind his back and pulls out two long wire rods with hooks, asking, "Can I assume even a girl from New York City knows how to roast marshmallows for s'mores?"
"Hold on there, buddy. This girl from New York City spent many childhood weekends at her family's cabin in the Adirondacks, so she knows how to roast a marshmallow!"
Laughing, Rick adds, "Okay, city girl, are your marshmallows slightly warmed or lightly roasted to a fine, rich brown color with soft centers, or, heaven forbid, burnt with flames flying in the air when you remove them from the fire?"
"Oh come on, is the California boy claiming to be an expert marshmallow roaster?" teased Kate.
Chuckling, Rick stood, saying, "I'll go and get us a bag, and we'll see." Rick heads toward the food table, pauses, turns, laughs, and adds, "By the way, the correct answer is lightly roasted."
Rick continues toward the tables as Kate sits laughing by the fire, feeling like they are returning to their previous easygoing rapport.
Kate is entranced with the flames of the open fire when Levi joins her, asking, "Kate, are you having fun?"
Happy to chat with the young boy, Kate smiles and replies, "Yes, I am having a lot of fun. How about you? Are you enjoying this Cowboy event?"
"Oh, yeah. It's a blast. Can I take some more pictures of you?"
Shaking her head, Kate answers, "Of course, but are you going to tell me what this special project is that you are planning?"
Levi moves around the fire, taking shots of Kate, and then laughs, saying, "Nope," and heads back to join his friends.
Grinning and thinking, that is one neat kid, Kate turns, planning to search for some hot chocolate, and sees Rick talking with Maddie behind one of the food tables.
She wasn't surprised to see them talking, but when Maddie reached for Rick's arm, and he didn't pull away, her previous insecurity regarding Rick's feelings for her flowed over her like a roaring waterfall.
Kate can't hear their conversation but can observe their movements and interactions.
Rick immediately noticed that Maddie seemed subdued as she began her conversation. "It's nice to see you so happy, Rick. Are you glad you took my advice and came to the mountains?" again, reaching out to rub Rick's arm with her other hand.
Not wanting to explain the details surrounding his reasoning for coming to the mountains, Rick comments, "Yes, it has been an enjoyable experience," as his body stiffens under Maddie's touch.
Maddie, never one to let up, pushes. "Well, Kate certainly looks like she is having fun."
"Yes, we have all had a great time," Rick simply answered, wanting to cut this conversation short so he could return to Kate.
Maddie then took on a more direct tone and said, "Rick, I see how you and Kate get along. The chemistry between the two of you is very apparent."
Rick's expression softens as he sees Kate waiting for him by the fire, and he honestly answers, "I didn't realize it was that apparent, but yes, we have had a wonderful week. I never intended it to happen, but I am happy it did."
Surprising Rick, Maddie relaxes her tight hold on his arm, taking a step back, stating, "Yes, it's very evident that you both have deep feelings for each other, and I may be forward and pushy at times, but I am not one to get in between two people who care for each other as deeply as you two. So please know that I am stepping back and wishing you and Kate well. Everyone is entitled to a second chance to fall in love."
With that, Maddie pulls Rick into a tight hug, kisses his cheek, and says goodbye before returning to another group of friends. Both were unaware that Kate had been watching their interaction from the fire.
Shocked by what she witnessed, Kate stood and moved toward one of the large trees to call Lanie.
As soon as Lanie answered, Kate poured her feelings out to her friend about what she saw happen between Rick and Maddie.
"Lanie, they are perfect together. They look perfect together; she looks perfect. Her hair is always perfect; she's always perfectly dressed. Everything is perfect between them."
"She has a kid, so she knows what they need and how to raise one. I haven't had any real exposure to kids until now."
"Was anything that I felt with Rick real? Did I make a monumental mistake? Am I that blind that I misread Rick's actions?
"Why would Rick even want to date me when he has someone that perfect?"
"And she lives in Sacramento, and I live thousands of miles away. Why would he want to get into a long-distance relationship?"
"And then there's my job? I'm not a teacher, nor do I work in a bank. I'm a cop who goes to work daily, not knowing if I will come home. Why would he want to take that kind of risk, not only for himself but for Levi? What could he possibly see in me?"
Kate finally stops to breathe, so Lanie comments, "This is what I hate about relationships."
Lanie then tries to get Kate to focus and concentrate on all that has happened this past week and how Rick has reacted toward her in their different activities and events. Asking if Kate truthfully felt Rick faked all of his earlier actions.
"Girlfriend, you can't run away. Communication is essential in every relationship. You need to be honest about what you saw and talk to Rick," began Lanie.
Kate snapped back, "And say what? I watched you with Maddie, and you two seem to have something going on?"
"Well, you might want to use a gentler tone, but yes, Kate, you need to tell Rick how you feel and give him a chance to share his feelings for you."
Kate responds, upset by Lanie's idea, and says, "Are you crazy? I can't just walk up to him, tell him how I feel, and expect him to share his thoughts about me immediately."
Lanie, shaking her head even though Kate can't see her, throws out another idea, "Well, just kiss him then. Either way, you should get an answer."
Kate laughs sarcastically, saying, "Oh, sure. So, I will experience either joy or total humiliation. Are those my only options?
Lanie chuckles and responds, "Welcome to Love," then hangs up, wishing Kate good luck.
Kate stands, staring at her now silent phone, thinking that was the poorest advice Lanie has ever given Me. But really, what are my options?
Kate deeply exhales and finally works up the nerve to approach Rick and attempt to share her feelings, hoping he will do the same.
Martha was crossing an area behind a hay bale and the food tables when she saw Rick speaking to Maddie Willson.
Martha sighed and was disgusted when she watched as Maddie pulled Rick into a tight hug, and he showed no resistance.
As soon as the woman left, Martha approached her Son, with one hand firmly planted on her hip, asking,
"Richard Castle, what in the world are you doing? I just observed you with Maddie, and you seemed extremely cozy."
Unsure why his Mother was upset, Rick explained that he had shared a pleasant conversation with Maddie, and she understood that he was deeply attracted to Kate, so she backed off and wished us well.
"Can you believe her, Mother?" asked Rick, who was still totally overwhelmed by Maddie's conversation.
Kate nears the food tables and observes Rick speaking with his Mother but only hears a portion of their conversation.
Rick continues sharing his feelings with his Mother, saying, "Mother, she's a nice woman, but I know she isn't the one for me."
Martha is happy that her Son has realized this but still questions her Son, "But you have spent a lot of time with her this week."
"I realize that, and things went pretty well, but it still doesn't feel right."
Martha reacted, saying, "Well, at least you discovered that before anything serious happened between you two."
"That is so true. Things could have turned awkward on several fronts," Rick shared, relieved that he could finally admit that he didn't have feelings for Maddie.
Hearing only the last part of the conversation between Martha and Rick, Kate assumes they are talking about her, never realizing they are referring to Maddie. She drops her plate of food, turns, and quickly leaves the area, asking herself how she could have been so wrong about her relationship with Rick.
Rick is unaware that Kate has overheard a portion of the conversation he is having with his Mother and that she has no idea that he and his Mother were talking about Maddie, not Kate.
Rick and Martha continue talking, with Martha asking, "What about Katherine?"
"Oh, yes. Kate is fantastic, and our time together has been incredible, and everything feels so natural. And Levi is definitely over the moon impressed with her."
Rick continues, smiling as he adds, "I never thought I would feel like this again."
Rick then looks to the sky, quietly asking, "But Mother, am I betraying Meredith by feeling this way toward Kate?"
Martha reaches for her Son's hand and lovingly answers, "Never, Richard. Not if it's with the right person. Do you feel Katherine is that person?"
"I think I do."
Martha added, "Meredith would want you and Levi to be happy. And it is wonderful for both of you if you begin feeling this way again, especially if it's true love."
There is a silence between Mother and Son when Martha caringly says, "Richard, you deserve to be in love again."
"But please do me a favor. Don't let things linger if you feel it's true love. Take those next steps with Katherine," Martha stated as she tilted her head, thrilled to see so much happiness in her Son's eyes.
Rick then gently places his hands on his Mother's shoulders, carefully requesting,
"Mother, will you follow your own advice and take those next steps, too? You have put your life on hold these last several years to care for Levi and me. It's time for you to begin living, too."
As she nods, Martha answers, "You are right, Richard. I have done that because you and Levi needed me to care for you. But that's not needed anymore, is it?"
"Mother, I will always need you. But it's time that Martha Rodgers gets back into that vibrant life that you had in New York. You deserve happiness and joy just as much as Levi and I. Will you do that for me?"
"Yes, I think I will. And I am so thrilled that Katherine came into our lives, and I know she cares so deeply for you and Levi, too."
After hearing only a few comments between Rick and Martha, Kate rushed toward a nearby shed, almost in tears, as she dialed her best friend's phone number again.
"What happened, Kate?"
Kate then began pouring her heart out to her friend, sharing that Rick had given her all types of signals that they were getting along great. She was even starting to open up with him, sharing several of her feelings about her Mother's murder. How could she have been so wrong?
Once Kate calmed, Lanie gently asked,
"What makes you say all those things, Kate?"
"I was taking your advice and headed back to talk to Rick when I saw him talking to his Mother this time. And I heard them both say it was best that he found out now that I wasn't the one for him rather than learning it later. How did I misread everything so badly?"
Lanie thought carefully about her following comments, knowing they would upset her friend, "Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry. But, now it's even more important that you talk to Rick. After all the feelings you have experienced, you can't just walk away without being sure that he understands how you feel about him and his family. You have to talk with him, Kate."
"Lanie, I can't do that. I feel like I have been played for a fool." Kate cried out as she hung up on her best friend.
Quickly, walking away from the people in the area, Kate looked around, trying to figure out how to return to the cabin without speaking to Rick. Ray was crossing the grounds and noticed that Kate appeared upset and stopped asking,
"Kate, is something wrong? You look upset?"
"No, I'm just not feeling well. Can I call a cab to take me back to the cabin? I don't want to bother Rick?" Kate said, trying profusely to hide her real feelings.
"Oh, that's ridiculous; I'll give you a ride home." said the caring shopkeeper.
Their drive back to the cabin was completed in relative silence, with Kate thankful that Ray believed she wasn't feeling well.
Rick had covered all the grounds behind Ray's Food Mart but couldn't locate Kate. Finally, he spotted Ray climbing out of his truck and rushed to him, asking, "Ray, I'm trying to find Kate. Have you seen her?"
"Yeah. I just drove Kate back to your cabin. She said she wasn't feeling well."
"Really. I wonder why Kate didn't come and tell me?" Rick asked, primarily to himself, but Ray responded, "Kate said she didn't want to bother you."
Rick stood still, baffled by the reactions that Ray described about Kate. He then turned, trying to locate his Mother and Levi so the entire family could return to the cabin and check on Kate.
The first thing Kate did when she entered the cabin was to call Greg. She was relieved to learn that he had brought her a replacement rental car and parked it in the shed behind the cabin to protect it from the pending storm. Kate thanked him for the excellent service, promising to let him know when she was ready to return to New York.
Then Kate built a fire and changed into her sleep clothes, hoping she could fall asleep before Rick and his family returned from the party.
Everyone was highly concerned about Kate's health and quietly entered the cabin, not wanting to disturb their friend if she was asleep. They had entered through the rear door, with Rick peeking into the Great Room, seeing that Kate was already wrapped in her blankets, sleeping on the sofa.
He quietly returned to the kitchen, asking his Mother if she would help Levi get ready for bed, as he wanted to stay up a while to be sure Kate was okay.
Once his Mother and Levi had gone upstairs, Rick hung up his coat and quietly went back into the living room, sitting in a nearby chair and watching Kate sleep. His heart soared after he admitted his feelings about this woman to his Mother. The most important thing Rick needed to do was talk with Kate.
If she isn't feeling well, he will wait till morning. Standing and taking a few steps closer, Rick peered over Kate's head, wanting nothing more than to bend down and kiss her, but he didn't want to wake her up, so he smiled and whispered, "Good night, Kate. Sleep well."
Pretending to be asleep was difficult, especially when she heard Rick's words, but knowing that he had left the room, Kate turned over, staring into the fire, with tears streaming down her cheeks, as her heart was breaking for this man and all that she hoped they might one day share in a life together.