Alone again in her room, Matilda began designing experiments. The first, to test whether she could prevent exhibiting her powers when her thoughts veered in… dangerous directions. So, hating herself for it, she pictured Jenny in her mind. The curve of Jenny's lips and the swell of her breast beneath modest clothing. Tamping down her self-loathing, she imagined peeling off Jenny's dress. Pressing kisses to every inch of skin she exposed.
She stopped, abruptly, as the pressure behind her eyes grew forceful – too much so to ignore. They flew open and she fixed her gaze on the nearest object, a book on her bedside table which she sent slamming into the wall.
"Matilda?" came a worried voice.
"I'm okay, Jenny", Matilda called back. Except that imagining you half-naked makes me so horny I sent books flying. Fuck.
A timid knock sounded at the door. "Matilda, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you experimenting with your power like this. It doesn't seem safe."
Matilda opened the door and trained her eyes firmly on Jenny's face.
"What do you propose instead?" she huffed. Jenny's gaze hardened at Matilda's tone, but she forced herself to remember the difficulty Matilda was facing.
"Why don't we start with how you controlled it before?" she suggested as they sat back down on Matilda's bed. "I'm fairly sure you didn't start floating things in front of your parents when you got angry."
"That was different," Matilda explained. "All this anger had been repressed in me for so long that when I started expressing it with my power, and eventually in a healthy manner when I came to live with you, the two stopped being linked."
Jenny watched her daughter carefully, laying a comforting hand on her knee to soften her response.
"Has it occurred to you that perhaps you can address this problem the same way?" she said. "If your powers went away last time because you stopped repressing yourself, perhaps expressing your feelings will combat your powers this time."
She felt Matilda lock up beside her, and felt her knee bounce beneath her touch.
"I thought of that," Matilda admitted. "But its not an option."
"Why not?" Jenny asked. "Is she straight? Is she already dating someone? Because I know it might be hard but even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, telling her will help."
Matilda shook her head viciously. "You don't understand. It's not an option. I can't tell her. This woman is – she's just, she'd hate me if she knew. I shouldn't have these feelings."
Woman. Jenny shook herself. That was not the most pressing part of Matilda's statement.
"Sweetheart, I know you. I doubt very much that you'd ever have feelings for someone weak enough of character to hate you just because you had feelings for them. Frankly, I should think they'd be flattered."
Matilda's eyes sprung up with tears. "Even if she didn't hate me, she'd be so uncomfortable with it. I won't have things change between us, it's not worth it. I can't have her look at me with – with disgust."
Jenny's heart ached to see her like this. She wrapped an arm around Matilda's shoulders and tugged until the girl melted against her, sobbing. Matilda curled into her chest, burying her face against Jenny's bosom. When the tears stopped and Jenny's arms around her slackened, she froze, suddenly realizing her position. As neutrally as she could, Matilda drew away from Jenny's breasts, eyes fixed on the floor.
"Matilda?" Jenny's hand cupped her chin, drawing her gaze. "You don't have to be embarrassed, darling. You never have to be embarrassed with me."
Matilda sniffled helplessly, turning to stare steadfastly at the wall. Jenny only gripped her chin more firmly.
"I mean it, Matilda." Jenny took a deep breath before venturing her theory. "It's perfectly natural to have a crush on an older woman."
Matilda stiffened. "What?"
"You… called her a woman. It seemed like, maybe – is it one of your professors?" she guessed.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Matilda, it's okay." Jenny insisted. "It's completely normal."
Matilda's face turned suddenly cold, and Jenny frowned.
"No," Matilda repeated. "It's really not."
Jenny let her leave.
When Jenny eventually ventured down to the dining room, Matilda was sitting at the table, both hands wrapped around a cup of tea. She hovered awkwardly in the doorway, unsure what to say. Fortunately, Matilda broke the silence.
"I'm thinking of taking medication," she said, abruptly. "To get rid of my – you know, libido."
Jenny pulled out a chair and quickly sat. "Honey, that's ridiculous. You deserve to have – well, a healthy…"
"Libido?" Matilda suggested, wryly.
Jenny acquiesced with a halfhearted grin. "There has to be another option for you."
"No, Jenny." Matilda sighed. "You were right that experimenting is too dangerous. Who knows what could happen. I couldn't live with myself if I caused something that might hurt you."
"Oh, darling." Jenny paused. "What if… I mean, your experiments, you're just daydreaming, right?"
At Matilda's nod, she continued.
"So, maybe you can continue your experiments. Just let me-" she blushed brightly. "Let me supervise. That way if things start moving without your knowing, I can stop you."
Matilda choked on air. Supervise. Jenny wanted to watch her, while she fantasised about kissing her. Touching her. Maybe, if she could get past the self-loathing, doing more to her. Matilda focused on the cutlery drying behind Jenny and floated them, trying not to betray her feelings on her face.
"Oh- okay." Matilda found herself nodding. "Sure, we'll try it."