Brittany's lungs were burning. She actually wasn't sure if she was having a heart attack or not, with the way she could feel her heart racing in her chest. Her mouth was dry, she was a bit light-headed, and she was so tired she couldn't lift her arms. So she continued to lay on the floor of her studio, listening to her phone ring.
"Are you going to answer-"
"I can't move."
Kaleb laughed.
"If I get it for you, will you buy me food?"
"If I can ever move again, then sure."
The phone had stopped ringing by the time Kaleb managed to drag himself to Brittany's phone. The missed call was from Santana. Brittany had a feeling she already knew what the call was about. Sure enough, before she could call back, Santana sent a text asking if she can pick Jesus from her studio.
Brittany sent a quick reply back saying she would, sighed quietly and dropped her arm to the floor.
"Everything okay?" Kaleb asked.
"Yup." She nodded. "Everything's great."
"Britt."
"Everything's fine.
"Brittany."
She turned, seeing Kaleb lying on his side, propping his arm up with his hand.
"Santana wants me to go pick Jesus."
"Again?"
"Yeah. She's busy, I get it."
"Would be nice to give you some notice though…"
Brittany faced the ceiling again without replying. It would be nice if Santana gave her a bit more notice, but that wasn't what was bothering her. For the past two weeks Santana had been spending late nights in the studio. She'd been grabbing dinner in the studio more nights than she ate dinner at home, she'd been there over the weekend and early in the morning, basically, any free time she had she spent in the studio. That was fine. Brittany understood. Santana had been given a very short time to finish the album, and as November rolled around, she only had two months left. Brittany got that, she really did.
But then there was the fact that Santana seemed to be fine all of a sudden. She'd gone from crying at the most random times, to perfectly fine. Of course Brittany was happy about this. It's not like she wanted something to be wrong with Santana. But it disturbed her that she never found out what was wrong in the first place. That she wasn't the one to help Santana through whatever it was. She also knew that Jade wasn't in the studio with her anymore because Jade had called complaining about it. Which meant Santana was in the studio all day, long nights, early mornings and weekends with Malek, who Brittany had never met, but Jesus wouldn't stop talking about, and was probably the one who helped Santana through whatever had her in tears every day in the studio.
It made Brittany uncomfortable.
"I need to get up." She decided to say, drawing the conversation away from Santana. "How am I going to get up?"
Her body felt so heavy, especially her legs. Even thinking about raising her legs had Brittany feeling tired.
"And then you have to drive." Kaleb pointed out.
"Fishsticks."
"I would volunteer to go get him for you but I can't move either."
"You moved to get my phone."
"I crawled. Do you want me to crawl across town?"
Brittany lolled her head to the side, grinning.
"Would you?"
Kaleb shrugged. "I love you a lot, so maybe."
Brittany chuckled. "Good to know. Maybe I could call Quinn…."
"Didn't Santana say she didn't want to bother Quinn as much anymore because she's pregnant?"
"Santana's been so weird about Quinn's pregnancy. Actually not just Quinn's, Mercedes' too."
"Mercedes?" Kaleb sat up. "Mercedes is pregnant?"
Brittany sat up slowly, groaning at the effort. "Okay yes, Mercedes is pregnant." She cringed. "But I wasn't supposed to tell anyone so don't say anything."
"To who?" Kaleb laughed.
"Anyone. My kids, Quinn, Puck-"
"Okay, okay. Go on, Santana's been weird about it?"
"Yeah. She freaked out when Mercedes told us she was pregnant, and she's been acting really weird ever since. Like with Quinn, she keeps telling me how awful it's going to be for her. How tired she is or will be, how fat she's gonna get, cravings, nausea….that's why she does't want to disturb Qiunn."
"I mean she's not wrong." Kaleb shrugged. "Pregnancy sounds like a nightmare."
"But what's it got to do with us?"
"I don't know. If I understood women don't you think I'd be married by now?"
"You understand me." Brittany laughed.
"It only took me six years. Besides, I never have to dissect the deeper meaning of all your words. You women seem to be more sane when you're not romantically interested in a guy."
"No. You men just start to assume that we're unreasonable as soon as you start dating us."
"How would you know? Have you ever even dated a guy?"
"HA!" Brittany looked down at her phone, looking for Quinn's contact. "Two."
"Okay." He scooted closer to her with his eyes wide and excited. "Tell me everything."
Quinn ended up being the one to pick Jesus, and rather than bringing him to the dance studio, Brittany had her take him home since the other kids were already at home, having been picked by Jessie. She got home nearly an hour later, to find them cooking dinner.
"Thanks for waiting for me." She said, as she picked Mateo, who'd run into her arms.
"Are your children supposed to starve because their parents are workaholics?"
Brittany paused, her hand halfway through Mateo's hair, and looked at Quinn.
"I'm kidding." Quinn said, raising her hands in surrender. "I'm kidding Brittany."
"Yeah well…don't." She kissed Mateo's cheek. "How was your day love?"
"Good. I got a sticker."
"A sticker for what?"
"For helping Mrs Knowell with clean up."
"Good job buddy." She kissed him again. "I'm proud of you. Can I see it?"
He happily lifted his hand, showing her the red dinasour sticker on the back of it.
"Wow, a dinosaur? That's so cool."
Sophia giggled from the kitchen, making Brittany look up. She narrowed her eyes in warning, only looking away when she stopped laughing.
"Very cool sticker baby."
Mateo grinned happily.
Brittany walked into the kitchen, dropping Mateo into one of the seats at the island.
"Does this mean you're staying for dinner?" She asked, peering over Quinn's shoulder at what was cooking.
"Yeah, if that's okay."
"Of course." Brittany hugged her quickly from behind. "You're always welcome. Thanks for picking Jesus."
"Of course." Quinn mimicked, then added in a softer voice. "The label's really running Santana raged huh? She couldn't even come out to say hi."
"Couldn't?"
"Yeah she called me to say she'd sent Jesus out, but she wasn't being allowed out."
Brittany frowned. "What do you mean?"
Quinn shrugged. "That's just what she told me."
"Who wasn't allowing her."
Quinn turned away from the food to face Brittany properly.
"She didn't say. I assumed she was in a meeting actually."
"No." Jesus said. "She was with Malek."
"Weren't you with him too?" Brittany asked. Jesus shook his head.
"No, I haven't been in the studio with mami. Malek said she needed to focus and I'd distract her. So I've been in the other studio. They let me try mixing a song today. On my own!"
"Wow on your own?" Kyler asked. "That's awesome."
Brittany turned back to Quinn as Jesus told Kyler about his time in the studio.
"Who's Malek?" Quinn asked.
"Her music director…..new drummer now…I don't know if it's normal for him to be so involved in her writing process."
"Why not?"
"Just." Brittany leaned against the counter and lowered her voice. "They spend all their time together, locked up in that room….doing….stuff. Now he's not even letting Santana out? Why is she even listening to him? She never let Emma control her like that and she's her manager."
Quinn cocked her head, raising an eyebrow and clearly fighting a smirk.
"What?"
"I don't believe this."
"What?"
"Santana starts working with her literal ex-girlfriend, spending all her time locked in the same studio doing the exact same stuff, but does Brittany care? No." Quinn turned back to the stove, lowering the heat and stirring. "I try and try to knock some sense into her, but she doesn't care."
"What's your point?"
"Now, Santana works with a man and you're jealous?"
Brittany grimaced. "Gross. I'm not jealous."
"Oh no?" Quinn was now fully smirking. "Then why do you care that they're in a room together all day?"
"I just…" Brittany grinned cheekily. "Wanna know what she's doing?"
"So you're controlling?" Quinn laughed.
"No I'm not, but that's my Santana in there…I feel like he should know that."
"Have you ever met him?"
"No." Brittany shook her head.
"He's so cool mama! You should see him when he plays the drums, and yesterday he was doing push-ups cause mami said she didn't believe he could do them and he did them with one hand! He's the coolest." Jesus said excitedly.
Brittany pressed her lips together and looked at Quinn from the corner of her eye. Quinn was biting her lip to keep from laughing.
"This is what I have to listen to every day." She whispered, before pushing off the counter. "Oh he's the coolest is he?"
She rounded the counter just as Jesus jumped off his chair. She caught him before he could run.
"HE'S the coolest?"
She picked him up bridal style as he squealed and begged her to put him down.
"No mama, I meant you, I meant you're the coolest."
"What? I can't hear you?" Brittany said, walking to the sliding door of the kitchen. Kyler was there in a flash, opening it for her as he laughed hysterically.
"MAMA!" Jesus began to fight, screaming as he laughed, but Brittany's grip was strong as she made her way to the edge of the pool. "Mama por favor it's you. Eres tu, IT'S YOU!"
"It's me what?"
Jesus stopped fighting, breathing heavily. "You're the coolest! You're the coolest ever!"
"That's right." Brittany said, nodding her head. Jesus relaxed his grip around her neck and Brittany took her chance, launching him into the pool. He, Kyler, Mateo and Sophia screamed, followed by nearly hysterical laughter. Jesus emerged from the pool sputtering.
"MAMA!"
"Never forget it." Brittany pointed at him, then turned to the other three kids. "Anyone else think Malek is the coolest?"
They frantically shook their heads.
"Are you sure?" She took a step towards them. They all scattered.
"Mama I've never even met him." Sophia squealed, sprinting back into the house.
"I think I ought to teach you all a lesson."
Knowing he would be the hardest to catch, Brittany went after Kyler first.
Everyone was thrown into the pool. It was only when he needed help getting out of the pool that Brittany realised Mateo's cast was dripping wet.
"Crap." She said, picking him and running up the stairs.
"What's wrong mama?" He asked innocently.
"Your cast is wet buddy."
"Oh…but won't it just dry?"
"I don't know." She said honestly. "I think I have to call the doctor and ask him."
"What about mami?"
Brittany considered calling Santana, but she could only imagine her working in the studio, having to stop because Brittany had forgotten that Mateo had a cast.
"Let's ask google." She decided instead, dropping him onto his bed.
Google said to dry the cast with a hair dryer set to cool, but it didn't say for how long. It also said that this was the solution if water had only touched the outside of the cast, but Brittany decided to try it before calling the doctor to tell him she'd stupidly thrown her son in the pool.
She kept at it for a solid forty minutes.
"Does it feel loose bud?"
Mateo wiggled his fingers and shook his hand.
"A little."
Brittany sucked air in through her teeth.
"Bad luck."
"We have to call the doctor?" Mateo asked.
"Yup."
"Now?"
"Yup."
"Right now?"
"Yes." She giggled, playfully shoving his head. "Sorry bud."
"It's okay. I forgot too."
Brittany kissed his head. "There's no chance you could say you just jumped in could you?"
"Sure." He nodded.
He said it so seriouslt it made Brittany smile. "Thanks, but I was kidding. I think we have to tell the truth."
She called Santana first, to let her know what had happened, then called the doctor. Sure enough, he said they had to go in to the hospital so he could do an x-ray and make sure nothing had moved. She let him eat first, because she didn't want to try force him to eat hospital food in case it took a long time, then left Quinn in her house with the other kids and drove to the hospital.
She was surprised to find Santana in the ER.
"Baby." Santana breathed, picking Mateo up. "Is your hand hurting?"
Mateo shook his head, but Brittany and Santana shared a look that they both knew meant they couldn't exactly trust him on that. Mateo had an insanely high pain thresh-hold, that usually gave Santana and Brittany sleepless nights. He never said if he had a headache, never felt cuts or bruises. That's why he was always getting injured, because he simply didn't feel the pain until it was serious.
"I already talked to the desk, they said we can go to procedure room 5."
Brittany followed Santana to the room, feeling incredibly sheepist.
"This was such a dumb mistake." She said, as they entered the room.
"B" Santana said.
"It was."
"What do you think he's going to remember in twenty years? That he got his cast wet, or that his mum was fun?"
"Hmm" Brittany gave into that logic. Still, she hated that he had to go through this again. "Sorry you had to leave work."
Santana shrugged. "I needed to get out of there anyway."
"Jesus said you're in there all day?"
"Yup. I think Malek is living out some army boot camp fantasy."
"What? How?"
"He has me excercising while I sing."
Brittany frowned, looking Santana over and realising that she was in yoga pants, which she definitely hadn't left the house in.
"Excercising?"
"Yeah. He says it's supposed to help with breath control."
"But-"
"Good evening ladies." The doctor walked in with a file. "Mateo." He tilted his head down, frowning disappointedly.
"Actually it was my fault." Brittany said, feeling embarrassed. "I uh….we were playing in the pool and I just forgot…."
"Ah." The doctor nodded. "Well let's get some x-rays to see if the bone is still secure, but I think we're going to need to recast even if the cast itself is secure. If it was soaked all the way inside, he'll be at risk of skin irritation, which could lead to an infection."
Brittany sighed heavily.
"Sorry bud."
"It's okay mama. It doesn't hurt. I think it's better."
Brittany could at least be grateful that Mateo wasn't in pain, whether or not the bone had shifted. She just hoped this didn't set his recovery back too far. Halloween was coming around, and she knew he didn't want to be wearing it with his costume.
It took over half an hour for Mateo to be taken in for his x-ray, and another twenty minutes for the doctor to come in with the results. He had a huge smile on his face as he pinned the films to a board and flicked on a light.
"Good news." He said, turning to them.
"The bone didn't move?" Santana asked.
"Better." He bent down to look at Mateo. "You're all better."
"Really?" Mateo asked happily.
"Yup."
"So…the bone is healed?" Brittany asked.
"Yes." The doctor stood up straight and went back to the x-rays. "This was where the fracture was" He circled at the wrist. "But it's healed beautifully."
"So what does this mean?" Santana asked. "It was supposed to come off in two weeks."
"Well, I said six to eight weeks. We would have had an appointment next week-"
"Yes we do."
"Right. So, I probably would have taken it off then. But seeing as this cast has to come off anyway, I don't see any reason to put on a whole new one just for one week. He can wear a wrist brace for now, just to give the wrist some support for that remaining week, you guys can come in then and I can give him the all celar."
"So I don't need a new one?!"
The doctor bent down again.
"No." He said. "Aren't I the best doctor ever?"
"Yeah." Mateo squealed. He jumped off the examination table and hugged him, then hugged Brittany. "Thanks for throwing me in the pool mama."
Santana and the doctor laughed as Brittany flushed red.
"I want to say next time we have to be more careful, but there's not going to be a next time right?" The doctor asked. "You're not going to break anymore bones are you Mateo?"
"No." Mateo shook his head. "I'll be careful."
Santana locked eyes with Brittany, raising a sceptical eyebrow and making Brittany giggle.
"That's what I like to hear. Now let's get this soggy thing off shall we? And then I have a treat waiting for you young man."
Santana held Brittany's hand as they walked through the hospital, trying to find their way out. Mateo walked in front of them, criss-crossing through the hallway as he tried to walk on only the blue tiles.
"I can't believe it's only nine." Brittany said, as they found their way to an elevator.
"Yeah, it feels like midnight."
"I hope Quinn's doing okay."
"We left her with the easier job." Santana chuckled, gently pulling Mateo's shirt to keep him from climbing the cart with supplies. Once the elevator opened, Mateo ran in, immediately jumping up and down to try see himself in the mirror.
"Okay come here my love." Santana said, smiling apologetically at the people in the elevator and picking Mateo up.
"Mami, my tooth is shaking?"
"Really?" Santana asked, genuinely surprised.
"Yeah see." He opened his mouth, shaking one of his bottom front teeth.
"Oh my god it is." Brittany said, peering close. "Baby you're tooth is shaking." She said pouting.
"Why does that make you sad Britt?" Santana asked, trying not to laugh.
"He's growing up." Brittany ran her hand over Mateo's hair and kissed his head. "First it was the first grade and now he's losing his baby teeth."
"Yeah he's a big boy. He's even heavier." Santana pretended to be struggling to carry him, shaking her hands and bending her knees.
"Mami." He giggled.
"You're gonna be too big to carry soon amor."
"No." Brittany said. "He's my baby forever, I'll always be able to carry him."
"I'm not a baby." Mateo said, frowning.
"You're not?" Brittany asked. "Well maybe I just need to get another baby to replace you, how about that?"
"No don't." Mateo said, sounding affronted. "You can't get another baby."
"Why not?"
Santana watched Brittany carefully, wanting to catch every bit of her reaction to this conversation. She knew Brittany had been joking, just trying to get a rise out of Mateo, but a part of her wondered if maybe she'd said it to see what Santana would say. But as she argued with Mateo about why having a baby was a brilliant idea, she never once looked at Santana. She didn't glance at her, or even direct any question to her. That was confusing. It was almost like Brittany didn't care what Santana thought about having another kid at all.
The elevator dinged open and they walked out, with Brittany and Mateo decided that even if there was another baby, he would still be Brittany's baby.
For the first time Santana wondered whether she was right about Brittany's desire for a baby. Specifically, she wondered whether Brittany even knew she wanted a baby. At first Santana had thought that Brittany was too scared to bring it up with her, but now she realised Brittany might not even be aware that that's what she wanted. The amount of times Brittany managed to bring babies into the conversation gave her many opportunities to broach the topic with Santana. Right now, all she had to do was include Santana in this conversation with Mateo. Ask her, 'what do you think babe?'. It was easy. And yet, Brittany had simply moved on.
"Baby."
"Hmm" Brittany looked at her.
"I love you."
Brittany smiled, tightening her hold on Santana's hand and moving closer so they pressed together as they walked.
"I love you too."
Santana looked deep into Brittany's eyes, wanting her to see for herself how much she loved her. The conversation about not wantinganother kid was fast approaching, Santana knew that. She couldn't avoid it for much longer, if for no other reason than it was giving her extreme anxiety. And when they did finally have that conversation, she wanted Brittany to be sure of how much Santana loved her.
"Can I have a kiss?"
Brittany jerked her head back gently, like she was confused by the question, then she gripped Santana's shirt and pulled her forward into a kiss. It was sweet, soft and controlled, like the kind of kiss they shared in the morning when they'd both just woken up. Santana shut her eyes, trying not to burst into tears.
Why couldn't she just give Brittany what she wanted.
When Brittany pulled back, Santana kept her eyes closed, wanting to stay in this moment forever. Hoping the moment where she broke Brittany's heart never came.
"Santana…" Brittany called gently. Santana opened her eyes to find Brittany's worried ones. "What's wrong honey. Please tell me."
Santana felt guilty. She knew Brittany wasn't just asking what was wrong in this moment. In fact Santana was pretty sure that Brittany had been wondering what was wrong since her return from LA weeks ago.
"I…I…"
"What?"
Santana clenched her jaw and sighed.
"I've been having a hard time in the studio."
Brittany nodded encouragingly, taking a step closer and putting her hand on Santana's arm.
"Why?"
"It's just been a lot more emotional that my previous albums. Every day feels like a freaking therapy session and leaves me feeling so…so…"
"Raw?" Brittany asked. Santana nodded. "I'm sorry baby." She rubbed Santana's arm soothingly.
"Thanks."
"What's the album about?"
Santana dropped her eyes immediately, fighting to keep her face neutral.
"I'm still trying to figure that out myself, to tell you the truth…"
She knew Brittany had no idea what that meant, but that was the truth. She knew a few songs were about her grandmother in one way or another. The horrible feeling of needing someone who was hurting you, the pain of having to let go of someone that you love so much to save yourself…but the album as a whole, Santana hadn't quite worked that out yet.
"Have you written any songs?"
Santana looked up again, about to answer, but just then Mateo sighed heavily, letting out a quiet sound that had both Santana and Brittany looking at him.
"Is he sleeping?" Santana asked. Brittany nodded, moving her hand from Santana's arm to Mateo's back.
"Yup." She smiled gently. "He's out."
"We should get him home. He still needs a bath."
Brittany contuned to look at Mateo, Santana continued to watch her. There was an interview she had given many years ago, in which she had said that she'd loved Brittany in many ways over the many years she'd known her, and that she was sure one day she would realise that she was feeling a whole new kind of love for her.
She felt it now.
It was hard to describe, but seeing Brittany love their kids, set off a different feeling than just loving her as her wife or best friend. Seeing the absolute adoration that Brittany had for their kids, and watching her interact with them like they were precious jewels, made Santana feel overwhelming love for her.
So would it really be so horrible to add another kid to the mix? Would it be so bad if she got to experience Brittany looking at their child with the same love and tenderness and utter devotion she was currently looking at Mateo with?
Maybe not.
"He's so big." Brittany said suddenly, leaning forward to kiss Mateo's forehead. "Are we really letting him grow his hair?"
Santana shrugged her free shoulder, looking down at Mateo.
"Why not? I'm sure he'll be sick of it after a while anyway."
Brittany giggled. "You're probably right. Do you want me to take him?"
"You have to. Malek dropped me here, so I still have to go back to the studio to get my car."
Santana saw the change in Brittany's expression. The relaxed happiness morphed into something more guarded. She could tell Brittany was thinking, but she had no idea what she was thinking. Then she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded slowly.
Santana frowned. She got the feeling that Brittany was stopping herself from saying something.
"I'll just get it and come home."
Brittany nodded again, holding her hands out for Mateo. Santana carefully handed him over. He barely stirred.
"So I'll see you in a bit?" She asked, trying to catch Brittany's eyes. Brittany was fiddling with the hem of Mateo's shirt, pulling it down even though it was already covering his back completely. She didn't speak.
"Britt?"
Brittany took in a breath.
"Can't you….can't you get your car tomorrow?"
Her eyes flicked up and locked with Satana's and the look in them had Santana taking an unconscious step towards Brittany, nodding. She looked vulnerable, like she was begging, and though Santana had no idea why, or what was wrong, she didn't need to.
"Yes, I absolutely can."
Santana had been spending so much time in the studio that when Saturday rolled around, she decided she deserved a break. She called Malek first thing in the morning and cancelled their session, then got out of bed and dressed in her usual work out clothes; yoga pants and sports bra. She hadn't been so good about getting in regular workouts since going back to work, so since she was awake she decided a bike ride would do her some good.
After placing a soft kiss on Brittany's temple, she ventured out of their room and into Kyler and Jesus'. They were both awake, lying in their beds and talking.
"Morning mum." They both said.
"Morning my loves. Jesus I hope you didn't wake your brother up."
Kyler shook his head as Jesus raised his hands innocently.
"Good. Are you fully awake?"
"Why?" Jesus asked.
"I want to go for a bike ride. Maybe you guys would wan-"
"Yes." Jesus said instantly, quickly climbing out of bed. Kyler yawned, stretched and sat up.
"How far are you going?"
"I don't know yet."
He didn't speak again for the entire time it took Jesus to get dressed in shorts and a muscle shirt. Finally, he yawned and nodded.
"Okay."
"Okay." Santana chuckled. "Get dressed, I'll whip us up some quick breakfast."
She left their room and went to Mateo's. Unsurprisngly, he was wide awake, under the table in the corner of his room with several of his dinosaurs lined up around him.
"Mami they've got me surrounded." He shrieked the second she walked in. Santana quickly grabbed his toy sword and stalked towards him, swinging it dangerously.
"I'll save you!"
As he cheered her on, she attacked as many dinosaurs as she could, using the sword to bat them around the room. When a path was clear for Mateo to escape, he scrambled through and leaped onto her back. Santana dropped the sword so she could hold him properly. She'd been kidding at the hospital, but Mateo really was getting heavy.
"Let's go before they get us again!"
So the two of them made their way downstairs.
"How did you get surrounded anyway?" She asked him as she dropped him onto the kitchen island.
"I killed their king."
Mateo proceeded to tell her about the invastion he had conducted earlier that led to his capture, while she made eggs and toast.
Jesus and Kyler joined her just as the eggs were done.
"Oh is he coming too?"
Jesus tried to hide it, but Santana could hear the disappointment in his voice.
"Yes he is." She said. "He's awake."
"Where are we going?" Mateo asked.
"Bike ride." Kyler told him. "So if you get tired, no one will be able to carry you."
"I don't get tired."
"Yeah you do. When we went on that hike with uncle Noah and Jade you said you were so tired you couldn't walk, and he had to carry you all the way back."
"Jade and Uncle Noah?" Santana asked.
"Yeah." Jesus nodded.
"Jade was there?"
"We picked her on the way."
"From her house?"
"Yeah."
"That was different." Mateo protested. "We'd been walking for soooo loooong."
As the boys continued to talk, Santana processed this information.
It wasn't unusual for Jade to spend time with her kids, even though she and Santana hadn't talked much since her outburst weeks ago. It also wasn't unusual for Puck to spend time with her kids. But it was unusual for Jade and Puck to spend time together. Santana wasn't sure she'd ever seen them have a conversation unless it was at a party and the entire group was there. Then again, just because she'd never seen it, didn't mean it didn't happen. They'd all been friends for going on a decade, of course Puck and Jade were bound to be friends as well.
"Eat up." She said, placing plates infront of the three boys. "I don't want anyone complaining their hungry half way through."
When they returned they all had to take a shower. Jesus and Kyler both high fived Mateo on their way upstairs, commending him for riding the entire way. Santana saw him smiling all the way to his room.
"Have a good ride?" She heard Brittany call from the living room. She made her way over.
"Yeah." She said. "We didn't mean to be gone so long though."
"Don't worry about it." Brittany beckoned her over to the couch. "The earlier we put them to work, the early they sleep at night." She pulled Santana down for a kiss, smiling into it. "You smell sweaty."
"Sorry." Santana cringed. "I'm going to shower too, but I told Ky he can use our bathroom."
"Hhmm" Brittany hummed, pulling Santana fully on top of her. "How long until you go into the office?"
"Oh, I'm not going."
Brittany pulled her head back, staring at Santana like she'd just said the most amazing thing.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I decided to stay home with you guys today."
"What about Malek?"
Santana frowned.
"What about him?"
Brittany grinned, leaning forward and kissing Santana hard.
"I'm going to be walking in on this scene a lot for the next few months aren't I?"
Santana groaned, pulling away from Brittany to face Mercedes, who had Nathan on her hip and was looking down a them.
"Good morning Mercedes."
"Good morning to you too."
Nathan reached his hands out, looking right at Santana and whining.
"Good morning handsom boy." Santana chirped, getting off Brittany and standing up so Mercedes could pass him to her.
"Is it just boys?" Brittany asked, sitting up. "Boys just don't sleep?"
"I think so." Mercedes chuckled.
"Glad to know it's not just us suffering." Santana said, kissing Nathan's cheek.
"That's one of the reasons I'm hoping this one's a girl." Mercedes pressed her hand against her stomach.
"I want to be my typical self and say I hope it's twin boys, but no." She shook her head. "Even I couldn't wish than on anyone."
Brittany laughed. "Do you want breakfast Mercedes?" she asked, standing up and stretching.
"Yeah. I was just going to get something for Nathan."
"I got my little man." Santana led Brittany out of the living room and into the kitchen. Mercedes followed them. "What do you want to eat Nathan?"
"AunTana."
"Yes baby?"
"AunTana."
"Si?"
"AunTana."
"Yeah you're not going to get anything out of him for at least another half an hour." Mercedes chuckled.
"Okay. How about banana slices?"
Nathan didn't object, so Santana placed him in the toddler feeding chair Sean had brought over a week ago, and set about cutting the bananas.
"Thank you guys for letting me stay-"
"Shut up Cedes."
"I'm trying to be nice-"
"Yeah well don't. You're always welcome here, so don't even mention it."
Brittany and Mercedes looked at each other. Brittany shrugged, smiling.
"Okay." Mercedes said. "Change of topic. How's the birthday planning going?"
Brittany shook her head. "It's wrapped up in Halloween, Santana's birthday and my trip to Nashville."
"We don't have to do anything for my birthday." Santana said, setting the bananas in front of Natahan.
"You can leave him to it." Mercedes said. "Just give him a bottle of water please."
Nodding, Santana grabbed one of his bottles from the bucket of sterilized baby things by the sink.
"You don't want to celebrate your birthday?" Brittany asked.
Santana shrugged.
"I mean, we don't need to do a big party. I'd be happy to just have a family dinner or something."
Again, Brittany and Mercedes shared a look.
"What?" Santana asked.
"Is this about you getting old?"
"Fuc-" Santana quickly cut herself off, glancing at Nathan and taking a deep breath. "I just don't really feel like celebrating this year."
"Okay." Brittany said, calming Santana down. "Noted."
"Why are you going to Nashville Britt?"
"The convention is there from the tenth to the twelfth."
"Oh cool. Is the fam coming with you?"
Brittany hesitated. Santana wished she hadn't noticed, but she had. The last time Brittany had mentioned doing less at work and taking on more of the work with the kids so Santana could focus on work, Santana had burst into tears. She knew that was what had Brittany hesitant to answer Mercedes' question, so she turned to her, smiling.
"They could if you want to. I mean I have to work-"
"I can take them." Brittany said eagerly, looking relieved. "We'll have a nice bonding trip, and I'll make sure Kyler comes this time."
"What about school?" Mercedes asked.
"It's a weekend." Brittany said. "So as long as there's no football game, we're fine."
"It might do Kyler some good to miss a game or two." Santana said.
Brittany's eyebrows raised.
"Why?"
"I don't know. To show him football isn't the end all be all of life."
"Hmm." Brittany hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe."
"Sophia is so excited for her birthday though." Mercedes said. "You'd think it was her sweet sixteen,"
"You have no idea." Santana shook her head. Brittany giggled. "She really hates the months between June and November when Jesus and Ky are older than her."
"Like hates them!" Brittany added.
"Well they don't help, always pointing out that they're older. And now that it was ten….boy they were worse than ever. Talking about being double digits, refusing to tell her things or watch video on their ipads with her because it was only for people who were double digits." Santana shook her head again. "I am so happy I grew up an only child."
"No…that's older brothers for you." Mercedes said. "Sean is exactly the same way with his younger brother."
"Yeah I was never that way with Ashley." Brittany shook her head.
"You're like, ten years older than her." Mercedes laughed.
"Plus, you're just an awesome big sister." Santana said, winking at her. Brittany smiled.
"How is the little Pierce by the way? I haven't seen her around. I thought she'd be here every weekend since it's only an hour drive."
"Come on Mercedes." Santana chuckled. "She just turned twenty four, do you really think she has nothing better to do than hang out with her older sisters and their kids?"
"Fair enough." Mercedes nodded. "Is she still dating…uh what was his name? Tyler?"
"Yeah Tyler." Brittany grinned as she poured pancake batter into the skillet. "He just goes by Ty though, and yeah, they're still together."
"Cute!" Mercedes cooed.
"Those two aren't breaking up." Santana said.
"And how do you know that?" Brittany asked, raising a curious eyebrow. "Your psychic mexican third eye?"
Santana stuck her tongue out playfully. "Yeah and it's never wrong."
Brittany giggled.
"Her what?" Mercedes asked, confused.
"It's a long story." Brittany said waving her hand.
"More importantly, I know first hand what it's like being in love with a Pierce, but aside from that, when you spend the whole of high school pining after someone, you're not going to let them go….trust me." She smirked at Brittany.
"Oh just shut up with your cuteness, both of you!"
Santana smirked to herself as she watched Brittany biting her lip to try keep her smile contained, and her cheeks slowly turning pink. She loved when she could still make Brittany blush.
"Is she coming here for thanksgiving?"
Brittany looked away from Santana, shaking her head.
"No, she's going to Lima."
"Oh! Are you guys going too?"
Santana busied herself with cleaning Nathan's face to avoid looking at Mercedes.
"No."
"We went last year." Brittany said, dropping the pancake onto a plate and drawing Mercedes' attention away from Santana. "We like to alternate, so we also have a chance to form our own traditions here in San Jose."
"Makes sense. And your parents…."
"They fly over, so actually I'm not entirely sure why Ashley is going back to Lima-"
Santana gasped, turning around to face them. "Oh my god!"
"What?"
"They're having thanksgiving together!" She said excitedly. "She's going to have thanksgiving with Ty's family!"
Brittany's mouth fell open, her eyes widening.
"So they're like, serious, serious." Mercedes said. "Why's that shocking, haven't they been dating for six years?"
"No." Santana answered her. "Ty told her how he felt at graduation, and she said she didn't think it was a good idea for them to date, first because of how he'd been acting all that year, violent and angry you know?" Mercedes nodded. "Yeah, but also because they were going to college and a lot was going to change for them, and she didn't want them to be trying to figure out a relationship and college at the same time."
"Very mature."
"A very mature answer." Brittany agreed. "But she was really just scared it would ruin their friendship."
"So when did they start dating?"
"Third year. They both went to Berkeley. Their friendship was a bit strained at first…Ty tried to cover up being heartbroken by becoming a womanizing manwhore-"
"Santana!"
"Babe you know it's true."
"Well you don't have to say it like that!"
Santana held her hands up in surrender.
"He did go through a lot of girls." Brittany told Mercedes. "But from what Ashley told me, he was still great to her. He didn't become a douche or anything like that. And that's kind of what made her realise she was in love with him."
"After that it was all foolish miscommunication and being too afraid to say how they feel, until third year when Brittany and I went to visit and I straightened them out."
Brittany cleared her throat.
Santana glanced at her. "Okay, we both talked to them, but I was the one that got through to them."
Mercedes laughed as Brittany rolled her eyes.
"So how long have they been dating then?"
"About two and a half years."
"If they're starting to split holidays between their families do you think that means they're going to get married soon?" Brittany asked Santana hopefully.
"I hope so. They're so cute together."
"And Ty's practically been a member of the family since he was six anyway."
"I wish I met Sean in high school."
"Girl." Santana laughed. "No you don't. He would have been a senior when you were a freshman, and I love you but freshman you could not pull any boyfriend, let alone the star football player Sean must have been."
Mercedes frowned heavily for a few seconds, clearly trying to think of something to say. Eventually she scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"What do you know Santana?"
A look from Brittany kept Santana from responding.
"MAMA!"
Brittany jumped, nearly dropping the pan she'd been transferring the last pancake off of. Seconds later, Kyler came running into the room.
"Mama?"
"Yes bud."
"Tia says she's on the way and she was asking whether we can go out for mini golf with Theo."
"On the way here?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
Kyler shrugged.
"But can we go for the mini-golf?"
"Um…" Brittany looked at Santana. "Uh…let me go call Tia first."
She dropped the plate in front of Mercedes and went upstairs.
"Why does she have to call Tia?" Kyler asked Santana. "I told her everything Tia said."
"I think mama forgot a date she was supposed to have with Tia today." Santana said, grinning.
"You're evil you know that?" Mercedes, who was taking Nathan out of the chair, chuckled.
"I'm just glad I'm not the only one. The way Quinn guilt tripped me…" she shook her head. "But if Brittany's doing it too-"
"Then you're both horrible best friends?"
"Then maybe we're not the problem."
"Tia does have a lot going on." Kyler said, taking the seat next to Santana. "In her spare room she has like hundreds of wedding pictures stuck to the wall, and she said she looks at them every day."
"She's loca." Santana told him.
"She's excited for her wedding. Did we ever think this day would come?"
Santana had to agree that she'd never really been sure that Quinn would find a guy she was ready to marry, let alone have a kid with. Quinn was a lot to handle, she was demanding, she was downright irrational a lot of the time, and Santana had never believed she would ever let her guard down enough to really connect with someone like she had with Theo.
"It's a freaking miracle."
Brittany walked in with her phone in her hand.
"What did you forget?" Santana asked, already laughing.
"Bridesmaid dress shopping." Then she shook her head and sighed. "No not shopping, window shopping."
Mercedes frowned. "What?"
"We're looking around to get ideas, then the actual shopping will be in a few weeks when Quinn narrows down what she wants."
"See." Santana said, turning to Kyler. "Loca."
Santana hung up the phone, putting a small check on the notepad in her lap and throwing it to Puck.
"Go through it, out loud please."
Puck picked up the notebook. "Remind me why you're not doing this with your wife?"
"Brittany's the one who made the list, which I think is more work because she had to think of everything, including the stuff Sophia never thought of."
"Okay?"
"And she's also trying to plan her trip to Nashville and she's going crazy about Halloween."
Puck nodded slowly, smacking his lips. "Right. It's not because you're avoiding her?"
Santana frowned. "No."
Puck raised both eyebrows skeptically.
"What makes you think I'm avoiding her?"
"All the hours you spend locked up in that studio of yours." Puck said like it was obvious.
"You mean when I'm working?"
"There's no way you work non stop for twelve plus hours Santana come on."
The way he was acting, like he had Santana caught in a lie, or like he had her all figured out was slowly starting to irritate Santana.
"Why would I be avoiding her?"
"Oh I don't know. Maybe because she's ready for baby number five and you're not?"
Santana rolled her eyes, standing from the couch and making her way to the kitchen.
"You know I'm right." Puck said, hastening to follow her.
Santana fought to stay calm as she got out a bottle of wine from the cupboard.
"You're not actually." She unscrewed the cap and poured it into a large glass. "As a matter of fact you're very wrong, and on top of that, you're talking about something you have no hope of understanding, so drop it."
"What don't I understand?" Puck leaned against the island, watching Santana take a long sip. "I was there when you practicaly had a meltdown over not wanting another kid, yet a month goes by and you haven't talked to Brittany about it."
"Believe it or not, I'm not in a rush to break my wife's heart."
"So you're hiding out-"
Santana slammed the glass down on the counter. "I am not hiding! I'm working! I'm in that studio for twelve plus hours, barely making it home for dinner some nights because the studio gave me three fucking months to write an entire album before I have to go on tour. Do you really think I'm so immature that I would rather sit in the office doing fuck all, just so I didn't have to face Brittany?"
Puck's shoulders dropped. He pushed off the counter, holding up his hands.
"Okay….maybe I was wrong about that. I'm sorry."
Rather than respond, Santana took another sip of wine.
"But you haven't talked to her, have you?"
Santana sighed. How could she explained to Puck why she hadn't talked to Brittany about having another baby yet, without him becoming convinced that she was avoiding her? It wasn't Brittany she was avoiding, it was the topic. Once they talked, there would be no going back.
"I'm going to be crushing her dream, do you understand that? You don't know what it feels like to want a kid Noah. You didn't see her in Brazil when I tried to tell her we couldn't adopt Jesus and Kyler. That feeling is…it's like….it's something deep inside you, something that makes you feel like you might die if you were to lose it. You think I can just casually do that to her?"
Puck looked down, clearly not knowing what to say.
"When we do finally have that conversation, I want to be sure it's what I want."
Puck looked up sharply.
"What do you mean you want to be sure?"
Santana shrugged. "I want to make sure that my decision is…that I've thought it through properly."
"What?" Puck rounded the counter, frowning. "You seemed pretty sure when you left your house to cry on my couch."
"Fuck you."
"Now you're saying you might not know if it's what you want?"
"I might not." She fiddled with the glass. "That day I was…I was being dramatic. I was over-reacting."
"Who cares?" Puck raised his voice making Santana look at him. "Over-reacting or not, that was your honest reaction. That's how you feel about it Santana."
"But…I hadn't really thought about it. I hadn't thought about…you know…why Brittany wanted another kid, or how happy it would make her."
"No." Puck shook his head.
"Excuse you?" Santana took a step back. "You do realise this isn't even any of your business right?"
"Look I get it okay? Brittany is the best thing that's ever happened to you, she changed your life, and she-"
"And she deserves for me to at least think about this. To seriously consider her needs, not just dismiss them because it's not what I want."
"Maybe." Puck stepped closer. "But not with this."
"You don't-"
"Just shut up and listen to me Santana!" Puck yelled, banging the counter. Santana's mouth snapped shut, her anger dissipating as she took in the look of desperation in Puck's eyes. "Having a baby isn't something you can convince yourself to want. It isn't something you give someone else because you love them and want them to be happy. It's something you have to want, for yourself."
Santana took a second to reply, battling with herself on whether she even should. In the end she couldn't help herself.
"And what do you know about it?" She asked. "You don't have a kid Noah. And as a matter of fact, you've never been in a relationship serious enough for you to even comprehend what I'm going through."
"Yeah you're right about that….you're right." He nodded. "I don't know what it's like to be a parent, but I know what it's like to have a parent who never wanted you."
Santana's eyes softened, her head cocking to the side as sympathy washed over her.
"Puck…"
"If you decide to have another kid, because you don't want to hurt Brittany, you'll only end up resenting her and the kid. I don't know what it's like to be a parent, but I've been with you guys every step of the way, and have seen the kind of sacrifices you both have had to make for your kids. I also know, that you don't see it as sacrifices. You quit music Santana, at the height of your career. You quit, just like that," he snapped his fingers, "because your family needed you. And even now you don't think it was a sacrifice."
"It wasn't. My kids come first, always."
"Exactly. But if you hadn't wanted them with all your heart, you'd be more aware of what putting them first really means. You'd have felt the sting of having to give up the career you loved and had worked so hard for. If you have this kid for Brittany, every time you have to sacrifice something, you'll resent her a little. She's the one that wanted the kid, why are you the one who has to leave work early, or why are you the one who can't go on tour because the baby is sick, or-"
"I get it." Santana cut in. She didn't want to admit it, but Puck was right. She couldn't imagine resenting Brittany, let alone an innocent baby, but she wasn't naïve enough to think it couldn't happen. These kinds of things built up over time. She probably wouldn't even notice it. And best case scenario, Brittany would take over the heavier responsibilities with the child to let Santana have her career, something Brittany was already trying to do, and the kid would grow up feeling like they were a burden on Santana.
Exactly how Santana had grown up feeling.
"Goddamnit." She sighed, turning back to her wine and draining the glass.
"It'll be hard to tell her, but better now than when there's already a kid and nothing can be done about it."
"I said I get it." Santana snapped.
Puck rubbed his hand over his buzz cut hair, looking genuinely sorry. Santana hated it. She poured another glass of wine, this time taking it to the living room. Puck followed silently.
"Just go over the fucking list."
Sophia had requested such an elaborate birthday with so many moving parts that Santana and Brittany had needed to write three separate lists. There was one for the sleepover, one for the morning of the birthday, and one for the late afternoon.
The night before, Sophia's friends were all coming to sleep over at their house. They were going to watch a few movies, eat all the snacks they could manage, and sleep in sleeping bags in the living room. The next morning, there was to be a gourmet breakfast spread, done by a chef whom Quinn had recommended, followed by a trip to Sophia and Santana's salon, where the girls would get their hair and nails done, before they all went for a photoshoot. Kurt was to be flying down to help with clothes selection, but Santana had gotten her regular stylist to hook them up. An imitation of Vogue magazine was going to be published with the photos, with Sophia on the cover, and the title 'Sophia Lopierce bringing fashion week into November. Santana had never been more sure that Sophia was her daughter than when she'd presented them with that idea. It was so over the top and Santana loved it.
After the photoshoot they were going to go to Elise to have lunch, which Quinn had agreed to close for the day so they could have it to themselves. While they were having lunch, the house was going to be transformed into what Santana could only describe as a ten year old's idea of a museum. Santana's art work was going to be displayed around the house- she'd said she was willing to sell to anyone who wanted to buy, which had Santana and Brittany laughing for days but also forcing all their friends to buy at least one of her paintings. Outside was where the chaos really was. Sophia had said that everyone had to paint or draw at least one thing by the time the party was over. So they'd had to get dozens of aisle stands and canvas, paint, and brushes, then there was the massive sheet of paper, on which everyone was supposed to write a happy birthday message to Sophia, or leave some kind of mark on it, like a hand print.
There was a paint slide, which was what had Brittany adamant that they lock the house so that no one came walking into their living room or kitchen trailing paint onto the carpet and floors, paint filled balloons and squirt guns.
A week to the party, Santana was really beginning to regret hosting it at her house.
"Have you ordered the cake?" Puck asked, looking down at the notepad.
"Yeah, yesterday. They'll deliver it that morning."
"Okay." Put a tick beside that item. "Have you organised clean up?"
"I haven't called them yet, but we got the name of an agency."
"Wise." Puck chuckled. "You've sent out invitations?"
"Yes we sent out e-invites to family and friends and stuff, a couple of weeks ago, but the designer is sending the physical ones Sophia wanted tomorrow, so she'll go to school with them on Monday."
"Okay." Puck put a tick there as well.
"Oh add there, that I need to tell the parents of Sophia's friends to let us know if there are any allergies or dietary things you know?"
Puck nodded, writing it down.
"Oh also, we need to book a couple of rooms at a hotel."
Puck stopped writing and looked up. "Why?"
"For my parents, Britt's parents, my cousins, Ashley may or may not crash with us, she can take Mateo's room and he can sleep with us."
"Just how many people are coming to this party?"
"A lot." Santana shook her head. "I'm pretty sure Sophia is inviting her whole class, and I know she isn't friends with them all."
Puck smirked. "Like mother like daughter huh?"
"It would seem." Santana chuckled.