Brittany rushed to Santana's side, pulling her hair away from her face as she emptied her stomach into the toilet.
"Just try breathe…" She said soothingly.
Santana spat forcefully and lifted her head, pushing Brittany away from her.
"Santana?"
Santana got off the floor and went to the sink, rinsing out her mouth.
"We shouldn't panic." Brittany said, trying to calm herself down as well. "You're right….they're probably not even going to let him out."
"When did she call you?"
"Huh?"
Santana turned to face her, wiping her mouth.
"Julia, when did she call you. Just now?"
Brittany's heart dropped.
"Uh…no that was Noah."
Santana narrowed her eyes, and Brittany felt herself begin to panic. Quinn's words of caution about how Santana would react when she found out Brittany had been keeping this from her were ringing in her ears as she watched Santana thinking.
"So when did she call you?" Santana asked again.
"U-Um…" Brittany's fingers fidgeted in front of her. She pulled at her fingernails, cracked her knuckles, and finally pressed her hands together. "Uh…a few days…ago?"
"Last week?" Santana asked in disbelief. "You've been keeping this from me for a week?"
"I didn't want to tell you over the phone, and anyway, most of the time when I call-"
"Don't you dare say I don't pick up." Santana held up a finger.
"You don't."
"You call me in the middle of the night, or when I'm on stage Brittany. Considering how important this information is, I'd think you'd actually pay attention to the time difference, look at the schedule I sent you and find a time when you know I can answer the goddamn phone."
Brittany felt slightly offended by the time difference comment. Santana knew it was something she always struggled to remember, so making it seem like she just didn't care hurt a little.
"Maybe you should call me back when you say you're going to call me back."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes." Brittany dropped her hands to her sides, preferring to feel angry rather than guilty. "I asked you to call me back, you said you would, and you didn't."
"First of all, that was yesterday, which is not better than telling me today, and second of all, I asked you if everything was okay and you said yes. You said you just wanted to hear about the concert."
Brittany scoffed, looking around the bathroom so she didn't have to see the anger on Santana's face.
"You did the same thing last week. When I called to tell you, you said you'll call me after, didn't, then called me in the morning when you were rushing to a meet and greet and didn't really have time to talk."
"You're acting like we haven't talked in the week since you got this information. We've talked."
"Yeah for like five minutes."
From the side of her eye Brittany saw Santana cock her head.
"What?"
"When we talk it's only for a few minutes, five if I'm lucky." Brittany crossed her arms over her chest. "I know more about what's going on in your life from TMZ than from you."
"What's that-look at me."
Clenching her jaw, Brittany turned to face Santana again. Santana's eyes were still narrowed dangerously.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"When we talk you're either so tired you fall asleep, or are fighting sleep, or it's between interviews so you only have a few minutes, or it's before a show and you need to go dance with Jesús."
"I was on tour!"
"You've been on tour before Santana!" Brittany yelled, her chest feeling tight. "But I never felt like you didn't miss me….like you were glad to be gone. Like…like-"
"Like what?"
"Will you let me talk?" Brittany threw her hands up in irritation
"No, you know what? No." Santana shook her head, taking a few steps forward. "You don't get to turn this around on me. You don't get to say that I was unavailable. All you had to do was tell me you had something important to tell me."
"I-"
"All you had to do was answer honestly when I asked you if everything was okay."
"Please." Brittany scoffed, stepping back to keep the space between them. "You knew something was wrong. I know you did, because you know me. That's why you asked. But you didn't actually want to know. You wanted to get back to your awesome tour and your fans and Malek. You wanted to stay in that happy bubble, and I let you." She shook her head and took another step back, ending up in the doorway. "So no Santana, you're the one who doesn't get to turn this around me. You were having a great time on tour, and you didn't want to be pulled back to your life. I've been dealing with this alone for a week because I knew you needed this. You haven't been having an easy time with your music and you were finally happy, finally enjoying it, so I didn't spoil it for you."
Santana was staring at her, no longer as angry but still looking defensive.
"You still should have told me." She said quietly.
"I've told you now. What difference does it make?" Brittany threw her hands up. "When I told you isn't the point."
"It is the point!" Santana's voice raised, her foot stomping hard on the floor. "You hid this from me-"
"I didn't hide anything from you. I was always going to tell you. I called to tell you but you were busy!"
Santana groaned in irritation. "You keep trying to imply that somehow my being busy is wrong. Like I did something wrong. I was on tour. I sent you my schedule. I was always going to be busy Brittany. You're trying to blame me for something that isn't my fault."
Brittany pursed her lips, nodding slowly. "Busy dancing with Jesús."
"Oh come on." Santana rolled her eyes.
"Busy going out to dinner with your band."
Santana slapped the counter. "YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME SOMETHING WAS WRONG."
"Well…" Brittany shrugged, "I was waiting for the right time. Noah seems to think you know all about that."
Santana's eyes widened. Brittany thought she saw fear in them, which confused her. She hadn't really meant anything by it, she'd just said it out of anger, just so she had something to say. But Santana's reaction made her wonder if maybe there was more to it. If maybe there was something Santana was keeping from her.
Santana crossed her arms over her chest, turning her body slightly away from Brittany.
"I don't keep things from you."
Brittany watched the way Santana seemed to be doing everything she could not to look at her. She'd turned her body, she was avoiding her eyes. She'd crossed her arms, which Brittany knew was a sign Santana was being defensive. She shook her head.
"Are you sure about that?"
Before Santana could answer, Brittany walked out.
Santana was freaking out. Had Puck told Brittany something about her not wanting kids? What did she mean by 'Noah seems to think you know all about that'? He wouldn't be stupid enough to tell her, surely. He would know that as soon as Santana found out she would kill him. She was still a little pissed about how he'd talked to her just before Christmas, surely…surely.
But it wasn't the same thing. She wasn't keeping anything from Brittany that she needed to know. Not something like this. If Brittany wanted another kid then she was eventually going to have to tell Santana, at which point Santana could tell her she didn't want one. It wasn't information that had any time limit on it really. It wasn't even really information, it was a feeling. The only thing Santana could be accused of was not sharing her feelings, which, big deal, she'd never been good at sharing her feelings.
It was absolutely not the same thing as Brittany not telling her that their children's birth father, who happened to be a very dangerous man, may be getting out of jail. It wasn't the same thing at all.
Dropping her arms she stormed out of the bathroom, ready to continue the argument, but she stopped when she heard the kids' voices. Looks like they were back. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and trying to get rid of her anger. It didn't work. She did it again and then again, but she didn't feel any less ready to be with her kids, which would require a lot of fake energy and smiles. This was something she couldn't just get over, or put off to think about till later. So rather than try force it, Santana went back into the bathroom and locked the door.
What were the chances that Kevin did get out? Pretty low, she would assume, but then again she never would have thought they would put him up for parole in the first place. From what she remembered a family had been killed the night he'd gone out driving while high, and he'd been arrested many times before that as well. He sold drugs to minors, he abused his wife and Sophia, I mean that was the whole reason Sophia was taken out of that house in the first place. Santana couldn't imagine a judge looking at that file and deciding he was a man that deserved to be free.
But what if he did get out?
Santana began to pace the small bathroom, biting the inside of her lip and feeling herself get even angrier. If he got out and tried to find her kids, she would kill him. She felt like if she ever actually saw him, if she ever got to actually look into the eyes of the man who had hurt Sophia so badly that she still got nightmares sometimes, the man who had most likely supplied the drugs that had been coursing through Mateo's veins when he was just three days old, Santana was pretty sure she would kill him.
She wouldn't let him anywhere near her kids, that was for sure. It didn't matter whatever he told the judge or his parole officer or Julia in his attempt to convince everyone he was reformed enough to rejoin society. It didn't matter to her whether he had actually been reformed. Whether he was clean, whether he'd given up the drug dealing life. Santana didn't care. There was no way she was going to let him anywhere near her family.
She stopped pacing suddenly, facing the mirror and staring into her eyes. She could see the anger reflected back clearly. Brittany had been sitting on this information for a whole week, hiding it from Santana when she could have used that week to make a plan. For all they knew Kevin could have already been let out, or the hearing could have already happened. They had already wasted a whole week, Santana wasn't going to waste any more.
A plan was slowly forming in her mind as she stared at herself. She had to be proactive with this, that much Santana knew. They couldn't sit back and wait…hope…that Kevin didn't show up at their doorstep. They had to take some precautions. So the first thing Santana was going to do was call Julia, to hear for herself what the situation was, then she was going to call a lawyer. She and Brittany had adopted Sophia and Mateo, so she at the very least knew that there was not going to be any sort of custody battle. Kevin had no claim to her kids, at all, but she wanted to make sure there was nothing else she should worry about. A lawyer would be able to tell her the rights that Kevin did have, if he had any at all, and advise on what she could do. So she'd call a lawyer before her flight back to San Jose.
And then she'd call Jessie. As her kids' body guard he needed to be made aware that there was now a potential threat. Santana was confident that he would handle everything from there, so she wouldn't have to worry about Kevin approaching her kids when they were out with Puck or Quinn or stalking them when they were alone, like at Mateo's Tae Kwando or on school trips or birthday parties.
Now that she had a little bit of a plan, Santana felt much better. The fear that had been gripping her chest and making it feel tight was gone. Maybe she was still anxious, but she at least felt like she could leave the bathroom. Before she did, she bent down, turning on the tap and splashing some water on her face. This time when she took a deep breath and let it out, she felt significantly more in control of herself. She wiped her face with the towel hanging on the wall. Her kids were going to be fine. Santana was going to make sure of it.
Things were awkward. They had been for almost two weeks, and Brittany hated it. It was like she and Santana were fighting only without the anger. She was avoiding Santana, but not cause she was still mad, because it was awkward. They hadn't really talked about anything except the kids since getting back home, because they had this big thing they needed to talk about, Kevin potentially being released, but every time they tried to talk about it, Santana got mad that Brittany had kept it from her, and Brittany got mad that Santana kept going back to that. Then they would fight. So they weren't talking about it. But they couldn't talk about anything else, or rather, talking about anything else felt very much like they were avoiding their problems. It felt superficial, which Brittany had never felt with Santana. She hated it almost as much as the fighting. So she was avoiding Santana.
Which wasn't very hard, since Santana had began recording her songs, which kept her in the studio all day.
But there was still breakfast.
Brittany heard Santana coming down with Sophia long before they actually made it to the kitchen. There was a slight jolt of panic that shot through her stomach, the urge to run away before Santana saw her, but she bit her lip and remained seated.
"Morning mama." Sophia said, hugging Brittany from behind.
"Morning baby." Brittany stretched her arms behind her back and hugged Sophia. "How'd you sleep?"
"Good." Sophia took the seat next to her. "Can I have toast?"
Brittany's eyes widened as her head snapped to Sophia.
"You want toast?"
Sophia nodded.
"For breakfast?"
"Yes please."
Brittany nearly tripped over as she rushed to get up.
"Yeah, of course, yeah-"
"I'll get it." Santana said, and that was the first time Brittany looked at her. Santana wasn't looking at her though. "Finish your breakfast I'll get it for her."
Brittany watched Santana walk fully into the kitchen to get the bread.
"Thanks." She said, sitting back down. "Uh…Good morning."
Santana glanced over her shoulder, barely making eye contact with her.
"Morning."
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Brittany turned back to Sophia.
"What's got you hungry this morning?"
Sophia shrugged, drawing a pattern on the counter with her finger.
"I'm not really hungry but…It's just toast."
Brittany nodded, her eyes drifting back to Santana who still had her back turned to her. She had a feeling Santana had something to do with Sophia eating breakfast for the first time in a month, which made her curious about what Santana had said to her, because she'd tried everything, even forcing her.
"Well." Brittany gently tucked a lock of hair behind Sophia's ear and kissed her temple. "I'm glad. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day you know?"
Sophia nodded, crossing her arms on the counter and dropping her head onto them. Her eyes slowly drifted closed. Brittany chuckled, turning back to her pancakes.
Santana began to hum quietly as she stood beside the toaster. Her fingers drummed a beat on the counter, and her head bobbed gently from side to side. Brittany watched for a few seconds, wishing she could ask Santana what song she was humming, or stand up and go pull her into a slow dance, or even just tell her how beautiful she sounded. It was these small things, like humming while she cooked, that Brittany always missed when Santana went on tour. And now Santana was back and humming, and Brittany still missed her.
The toast popped up, making both Brittany and Santana jump.
"Jeez." Santana muttered, taking the toast out and putting it on the plate she'd set aside.
Brittany wondered if Santana had zoned out like she had. When Santana turned around, Brittany quickly fixed her eyes on her pancakes.
"Here you go baby" Santana placed the plate in front of Sophia. "Do you want butter or jam?
"Jam." Sophia said without opening her eyes.
Brittany cut a large piece of pancake and stuffed it into her mouth, still refusing to look up. Santana appeared again, sliding the jam on the counter and holding a knife.
"Soph…"
Sophia grunted.
"Take the knife honey."
"Can't you put it for me?"
Brittany poked Sophia in the ribs, making her jump up and squeal.
"Mama!" She exclaimed, clutching her side.
"Good you're up, take the knife."
Brittany caught a glimpse of a smile on Santana's face, before she was pulling her lips into her mouth. As soon as Sophia took the knife, Santana turned back around.
Brittany sighed, taking another big bite of pancakes. Yup, things were definitely awkward.
Santana waited for the music to completely fade out before pulling off her headphones. Her eyes connected with Malek's through the glass, and she could see in him the joy she was currently feeling. She'd nailed it. Absolutely nailed it.
He held up both his thumbs. "That's the one baby!"
"You think so?"
"No doubt."
She looked at her producer, who was also smiling.
"We got it." He said.
"It's a goddamn beautiful song." Jade said, but Santana couldn't see her since she was sitting on the couch in the back of the room. "Goddamn beautiful."
"I agree." The audio engineer said. "I can't wait to hear it all together."
Santana felt like she was floating. These songs had been such a pain to write, but they seemed to be worth it. It felt better than she expected to hear people say they loved them.
"So I don't need to go again?" She pointed at the mic.
"You can take a few minutes to rest, then we'll come back and do the backgrounds." The producer said. "But no we're not touching that again, you fucking killed it."
Grinning, Santana hung up the headphones and walked out of the recording booth. She was almost immediately wrapped up in a hug.
"You were amazing."
"Thanks." She hugged Malek back. Man it felt great to be back. She'd been afraid that coming back from such a fun tour would cause a dip in energy, but the same level of excitement that she'd felt on tour, she was feeling now. She was still having fun, still loving life. Well…at work anyway.
"Bloody brilliant." Jade said walking over. "Seriously Santana, all jokes aside, it's a privilege to get to watch you work."
"I know I know." Santana pulled away from Malek to toss her hair over her shoulder. "I am awesome and you're all lucky to be in my presence."
Jade rolled her eyes. "Shut up."
"Come on." Santana looped her arm through Jade's. "Let's go get lunch."
"What I can't come?" Malek asked, raising his hands, palms up.
"Of course you're coming." Santana shrugged.
"Then where's the love?"
"Well I can't be seen holding your hand." She said, smirking. "People already think we're lovers."
Malek cackled, dropping his hands to his side.
"Yeah you're right. We don't need to flaunt it."
They left the studio and made the short walk to the restaurant a block away. It wasn't a very fancy place, and had only a handful of things on the menu, but that's what Santana liked. The few things they did offer, they had completely perfected.
"What're you feeling today Lopierce?" Jade asked, reading the menu.
"Last time I had a burger, so today I think I'll do the chicken."
"Mmmhh" Malek screwed up his mouth. "I want the chicken too, but I'm also kind of feeling like tacos."
"Oooh tacos sound good." Santana agreed.
"I'm having the burger." Jade put down her menu.
"Again?"
"Why do you even bother looking at the menu when you always order the same thing?" Santana laughed.
Jade shrugged. "I like to give everything else a chance to call out to me, but the burger always calls loudest."
Santana shook her head in amusement.
"Argh I can't decide!" Malek whined.
"Why don't you two share?"
Santana frowned. "Why?"
"You both want the tacos and the chicken, just split it." Jade picked up the drinks menu.
"You wanna?" Malek asked. Santana briefly thought about what the tabloids would say if they found out she was now sharing meals with Malek. They would have a field day with that information. It would practically confirm their rumors. But that only made her want to do it more. For one, she hated the feeling of being controlled by the press, and for another, it would be funny to watch everyone pat themselves on the back thinking they'd caught her out. So she nodded, picking the drink's menu as well.
"Why not."
"Sweet." Malek smiled. "I'll get the waiter."
When the food arrived Santana was so hungry she actually felt like she was starving. Like she could actually feel her stomach digest itself. She dug into a taco before the waiter had even finished setting the rest of the food down.
"Why're you acting like you've never seen food before?" Jade asked, grimacing.
"I didn't eat breakfast." Santana said round her mouthful.
"And why not?"
Santana licked her lips, pretending to be so focused on chewing that she couldn't answer, and shrugged.
She hadn't eaten breakfast because the weird stalemate that she and Brittany were in was giving her ulcers. There was no way she could sit there and eat in that silence. She wasn't even really that mad about Brittany not telling her about Kevin anymore, but she'd found out from Puck that he hadn't told Brittany anything about her not wanting a baby, which meant Brittany was just suspicious. She figured as long as she kept the conversation about Brittany keeping things from her, Brittany wouldn't remember to ask what Santana was keeping from her.
Santana knew she was going to have to tell Brittany soon, she knew that. If for no other reason than to just get it off her chest and get rid of the anxiety it was causing her. But now felt like the absolute worst time. In the middle of a fight was not the time to crush your wife's dreams.
So Santana hadn't stayed for breakfast.
"Well I had a big breakfast." Jade said, picking up the conversation since Santana wasn't going to.
"Mmhh?" Santana hummed.
"Oh yeah." Jade nodded.
"This mystery guy can cook too?" Malek asked.
Jade burst out laughing. She laughed so hard that her face turned pink. Santana quickly swallowed.
"What's funny?"
"Hell no he can't cook." Jade gasped. "Oh my god." She wiped a fake tear. "Imagine him cooking."
"I would love to." Santana said. "If I knew who he was, or what he looked like or even just his name."
Jade smirked, lifting her burger to her lips. "I don't want to tell you yet."
"Why the hell not?" Santana cried. "Do you know that one of the signs a girl is in a toxic or abusive relationship is that she hides him from her friends and family."
"Oh please." Jade laughed.
"It's true."
Jade rolled her eyes, taking a bite of her burger.
"There has to be something wrong with him." Malek said. "Is he ugly?"
"Ah!" Santana gasped. "He's old isn't he?"
Jade chocked, having to put her burger down and bang on her chest. "What?"
"That's why you don't want us to meet him. He's old and saggy."
"Jade did you get yourself a sugar daddy?"
"I did not!"
Santana and Malek laughed.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of." Malek said. "A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta-"
"Stop it!" Jade shrieked, her face once again red. "He's not my sugar daddy."
"Well then you have no excuse for dating an old guy." Santana said, shaking her head.
"I AM NOT-"
She broke off as Malek and Santana laughed harder, high fiving.
"You're assholes." She mumbled, stuffing her mouth with fries.
"We're just teasing." Malek said.
"For real though, Jade." Santana leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. "What's wrong with him?"
"Nothing" Jade said. "He's perfectly normal."
"Age appropriate?"
"He's our age."
"What does he do?
Jade paused, thinking, then seeming to decide that was a safe enough question, answered.
"He's a musician-"
"Of course." Malek said, reaching to take some chicken from Santana's plate. Santana pushed it closer so he didn't have to stretch.
"Yeah, but he's not like famous or anything. He plays in bars and like…small gigs you know?"
"So he's a failed artist." Santana said.
"Santana"
"I'm just saying." Santana raised one hand defensively. "No offense or anything."
Jade shook her head. "You're going to regret saying that."
"Why?" Santana frowned. "Is it someone I know?"
Jade shook her head again.
"Fine don't tell me." Santana sighed. "But what's his name?"
"Why so that you can search him up?"
"You really think I can find a person with the limited information you've given me?"
"Even she's not that good. A first name and the fact that he's a musician is not much to go on."
"Thank you." Santana turned to Malek.
"You don't know Santana. She and Quinn can find anyone."
"But you guys have been dating for…what…like five months?"
"Yeah." Jade nodded.
"So tell me again why your best friends haven't met him?" Malek asked.
Jade smirked.
"Will you stop doing that?" Santana snapped. "It's s annoying."
Jade laughed. "Why would I introduce you to him when torturing you like this is just so much fun?
Santana narrowed her eyes. "Fine." She picked a taco. "I don't care."
"Sure you don't Santana."
"When I get a girlfriend you'll be the first to know Santana."
"Obviously." Santana giggled. "You'll have to break up with me."
Jade and Malek both frowned.
"We're lovers remember?"
"Ohh!" Malek laughed. "Right."
"You're an idiot." Jade shook her head. "Finish your food so we can go back to the studio. You're less annoying in there."
"You're staring."
Brittany shifted, but didn't look away.
"Do you ever get tired of watching Santana and I watch each other?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact." Quinn said. "I really do. So could you stop?" She gripped Brittany chin and turned her head to face her. "Hi."
Brittany pushed Quinn's hand off her. "She's wearing a new dress."
Quinn rolled her eyes.
"I thought you were mad at her."
"I am." Brittany looked back at Santana, who was turning to try see her back in the mirror. "But she's still so hot."
"Oh god." Quinn groaned. "I can't do this with you guys right now. Can you just go stand up there so I can compare the dresses?"
Draining her champagne, Brittany set her glass down, stood up and went to join Santana and Beth, both of whom had dresses different to her own. She tried not to look at Santana, but standing so close she couldn't help it. The sweetheart neckline of the dress was accentuating her boobs in a way Brittany just couldn't ignore. Santana didn't wear dresses like that often, clevage yes, but not strapless gowns like this. She looked absolutely gorgeous.
"Brittany?!"
Brittany's head snapped up, her eyes landing on Quinn. She blushed, sure everyone could see it all the way down her neck, and avoided Santana's eyes.
"I like Brittany's." Judy said, pointing at Brittany.
"Me too." Quinn said. "It's sweetheart like Santana's, but the lace on the chest and material going round the neck makes it feel a bit more elegant for me."
"You've got a beautiful neck Brittany." Judy said.
Brittany blushed again, but what really got her was the subtle nod Santana gave beside her. She risked a glance, but Santana was looking down.
She cleared her throat. "Thank you."
On the other hand, I like Beth's as well." Quinn said, walking over to Beth. "These sleeves are really cute." She smiled at Beth, who smiled back. "But I don't know how Santana will look." She turned to look at Santana.
"What do you think?"
Santana shrugged. "It's your wedding. It doesn't matter how I think I'd look. If you like the dress you like the dress."
"Of course it matters." Judy said, sounding shocked. "People who feel beautiful, look beautiful."
Santana rolled her eyes. "Did you get that quote from Pinterest?" She mumbled under her breath, and looked up to catch Brittany's eye. Brittany fought the smile but failed. Santana licked her lip, pulling them into her mouth, and they shared a look. One of their inside jokes looks. Brittany shook her head, to let Santana know she'd heard her. Santana shrugged, trying to play innocent. It made Brittany smile even more.
And then Quinn was talking again, and Santana's eyes left hers for a second. Just one second. But when they were back on her, Brittany could already feel the change. Santana barely held eye contact, and her smile slowly faded. She shifted her feet, cleared her throat and returned to looking down.
Brittany felt her heart sink. She tuned out the conversation around her, not really caring about what was being discussed. She knew whichever dress was chosen they would all look great. She knew if she said it out loud it would sound conceited, but she was a beautiful woman, and so was Santana. They were attractive on top of that beauty, and could pull off pretty much anything. So the style of the dress didn't matter much to her. What mattered was that she and Santana had been fighting for two weeks now. Well to be exact, one week and five days. It was wearing Brittany thin.
The unpleasantness of fighting aside, Brittany had spent a month and a half without Santana, and she'd missed her. She wanted to be giggling with Santana like they had been when they last came dress shopping with Quinn. She wanted to kiss her and hold her hand and whisper in her ear how beautiful she looked.
Honestly it was pissing her off the way Santana was acting, as though she'd done something unforgivable. She wasn't the one plastered all over the magazines and the internet, with another guy. All she'd done was wait a week, actually five days. She'd waited five and a half days to tell Santana that Julia had called. She couldn't see why that warranted two weeks of not speaking.
They needed to fight it out, that's what they needed to do. They were both pretending not to be mad because they didn't want to talk about it, because they didn't want to fight. But this was worse. And they never did this. She and Santana didn't do this. They talked. They always talked it out.
So why was Santana being so annoying.
"I don't know she'd have to tell us. Brittany?"
Brittany snapped out of her thoughts at the mention of her name.
"Huh? I wasn't staring."
Quinn and Judy stared blankly at her.
"What dear?" Judy asked.
"Umm…." Brittany looked at Santana, mostly on instinct. Santana always got her out of situations like this. Brittany knew Santana knew what had just happened. It had been happening all through high school. Brittany would one out and then zone back in and have no idea what anyone was talking about. The look on Santana's face confirmed Brittany's thoughts.
"She said she'll go with your dress. If you think it's comfortable."
"Oh." Before Brittany could respond, Santana was walking away, stepping down from the podium and moving to the cocktail table with champagne, without even a glance at Brittany. Brittany sighed quietly. "Yeah." She looked at Quinn, refusing to get upset. If Santana wanted to act like this, then so could she. "It's pretty comfortable."
Sophia creeped back down the hallway, making sure she made no noise until she got to her brothers' room. She turned the knob slowly, then pushed the door open slowly, then she tiptoed in and closed the door slowly. When it finally clicked shut she let out a breath.
"Did they hear you?"
She turned to face Jesús, who was sitting up in bed.
"No." She walked to his bed and climbed in. He scooted to the wall to make space for her.
"Did he?" Kyler asked.
"Nope." Sophia smiled. "I was like a ninja."
"Good." Jesús crossed his legs. "So did you come up with a plan?"
"Why am I the one who always has to come up with the plans? Why couldn't you two think of anything?"
"Cause you're a girl." Kyler said. "You'll know what they want."
"You came up with making breakfast for them after that night mami cried, and see how happy that made her?" Jesús said.
Sophia smiled, remembering how well her plan had worked.
"You're right."
"So…" Jesús asked. "Did you come up with anything?"
"I think so." She crossed her legs as well. "We should do breakfast again, but then we should surprise them with dinner as well."
"How are we going to cook a whole dinner?" Kyler asked
"Jesús cooks with mami all the time. He knows how to make stuff."
"Yeah." Jesús shrugged.
Kyler looked unsure. "But this has to be special. It's valentine's day."
"It will be." Jesús said. "We'll ask Tia to help."
"She can also take us shopping for all the stuff we'll need."
"Did you finish Tia's card?" Jesús asked.
Sophia panicked for a split second, unable to remember what she'd done with the card, but then she remembered it was in her drawer in her room.
"Yes. You can sign it tomorrow."
"Okay."
"We should also buy flowers." Kyler said. "Girls like flowers."
"Yeah." Sophia nodded.
"And chocolates." Jesús added.
"Yeah, flowers, chocolates and the card. We'll give it to them during breakfast."
"What should we make for breakfast?" Jesús asked.
"Not as much as last time. It was too much."
"We could bake something."
"Oh yeah!" Kyler said excitedly. "We should bake a valentine's day cake for dessert!"
"Dessert?" Jesús asked. "We're talking about breakfast."
"But a cake would be so cool. They'll love it."
"Baking a cake does sound like fun." Sophia admitted, turning to Jesús.
"How are we going to bake a cake and cook dinner without them realising?" He asked skeptically.
"Maybe they can go out with Tia?" Kyler suggested.
"Tia will be with Theo." Sophia said, thinking hard. They needed someone who could keep their parents busy for long enough that they could get all the things done without them seeing. So it could be a real surprise. She thought about Uncle Noah, but her mama never really spent a lot of time with him. Not alone anyway. Plus she'd heard him talking to her mami about hoping he made it back in time for valentine's day, so he might not even be around. Who else could they ask?
They sat in silence for a few minutes thinking, then it came to her.
"Jade!"
"Oh yeah." Jesús and Kyler both said. "She's perfect." Jesús said.
"We'll call her tomorrow."
Brittany let Ryan and Kaycee practice for a bit as she walked to her bag to get her ringing phone. She was shocked to see Jade's name.
"Jade." She said happily. "I haven't talked to you in a while, how are you?"
"I'm alright." Jade said. "Been busy but I know you know all about that."
"Yeah."
"It has been too long though, and I hate it. That's why I'm calling."
"Oh yeah?"
"To see if you maybe want to have a friend valentine's date?"
"Oooh." Brittany hadn't been expecting that at all. She hadn't forgotten about Valentine's day, in fact she couldn't stop thinking about it, and how horrible it was probably going to be. She and Santana were barely talking to each other, and here was a day that she was expected to spend the day with just Santana. It had been giving her a lot of anxiety to think about. So going out with Jade instead sounded great, even if the invitation was a bit random. "That sounds awesome." She said sincerely. "You, me and Santana?"
"Yeah. I figured I wouldn't be able to split you up on Valentine's day."
"Yeah." Brittany forced a laugh. "You know us."
"Exactly. Don't worry I'll get you home in time for evening activities."
Brittany cringed. Evening activities. She hadn't even thought about that. Of course Jade expected her and Santana to have lots of sex on Valentine's day. She was pretty sure that was what the day was made for actually. That was unlikely to happen though. Not with the weird atmosphere around them right now.
Brittany couldn't think of a year, except when they'd broken up and she was with Sam, that they hadn't had sex on Valentine's day.
"Uh yeah, sounds good Jade. I have to go though."
"Okay no worries. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah see you tomorrow."
Brittany stared at her phone after hanging up, considering calling Santana. This fight or whatever it was had gone on for long enough. She hated it, and she could tell that Santana hated it. It was Valentine's day, and about time they made up.
But she wasn't the one keeping this going. Santana was the one insisting on still being angry. Even if Brittany called her, there was no guarantee that it would fix things.
Ryan and Kaycee burst out laughing, which made Brittany look up. The two were tangled together on the floor. Chuckling, Brittany dropped her phone back into her bag and walked over.
"What happened?"
Even though she was having a great time in the studio, Santana was beginning to feel the effects of the tour. She was tired, and she really didn't want to be. There wasn't any real reason for her to be spending so much time in the studio. Everything was going according to schedule, so seven or eight hours a day would be fine, but with the tension between her and Brittany, she was choosing to be at work. That however meant that she hadn't really gotten to rest after the grueling tour schedule. So she was tired.
"Will you just go home." Jade laughed, smacking Santana's arm. "What's wrong with you?"
Santana sighed, leaning back in her chair and resting her hands on her stomach.
"Promise not to blab about it?"
Jade frowned, scooting her chair closer. "What?"
Santana studied her friend. She hadn't told anyone about the news Julia had told them, or her fight with Brittany, or her completely stupid plan to keep that fight going so that she didn't have to tell Brittany about her not wanting kids. She wished she'd told Brittany all those months ago when she'd first realised the thoughts going on in Brittany's head, because now, with all this procrastination and build up, she didn't feel like she could do it.
And Puck was absolutely no help at all. She needed someone who could actually help her, and Jade was a sensible friend.
"Santana what's going on?"
"Okay." Santana moved her chair closer. "But I'm serious, don't tell anyone about this."
"Scouts honour." Jade crossed her heart.
"Okay…" She took a breath. "So a couple of months ago I realised that Brittany wants us to have another kid."
"Woah!" Jade's eyes bugged. "Congratula-"
"No." Santana held up her hand to stop her. Jade's face fell. "That's the problem."
"Oh shit." Jade sat back, her eyes still wide. "You don't want another one?"
Santana slowly shook her head. "I've tried. Like I've really tried to convince myself that it'll be great. I mean I love watching Brittany love our kids. I really love it you know…" She looked down, thinking of that morning when Brittany had carried Mateo around the house because he was too tired to walk. Santana hadn't been able to fight the smile as she watched Brittany carry him morning. As she made coffee, as she spoke on the phone, everything she did, she did with him on her hip. It was so unnecessary, because he didn't need to go everywhere with her. Santana would have left him in bed, or on the couch, but Brittany's first thought was to keep him with her.
"I love watching her be a mother to our kids, it makes me love her more than I ever thought I could you know?" She said, still looking down, smiling at the morning's memory. She didn't see Jade nod. "You love someone, and you love them for as long as I've loved Brittany, and you think that's it. You can't possibly love them more. But then we had kids and it just…" She sighed. "I love watching her be a mum." Finally she looked up at Jade. "But I don't want another one. We have enough. Four is enough. Our family is perfect. And I just got back to work…" Santana shook her head.
"I hear you mate." Jade said solemnly. "That must have been hard to tell her."
Santana pulled her lips into her mouth and watched Jade realise for herself that Santana hadn't told her. Her mouth dropped open.
"Santana you flipping-"
"I'm going to tell her!" Santana said quickly. "I'm going to I just…I need to wrap my head around breaking her heart like that."
Jade sighed. "Sooner is better than later, I know you know that."
"Yeah….but I've waited this long…"
"Idiot." Jade shook her head. "Okay, well what does this have to do with you going home today?"
Santana licked her lips, preparing for the look of disapproval Jade was about to give her.
"We had a fight a few weeks ago and-"
"About this?"
"No…something else."
She didn't feel like getting into the whole birth father, drug dealer, murderer potentially getting out of jail, with Jade. Not when she hadn't really had a chance to talk to Brittany about it yet.
"Okay?" Jade frowned.
"And she kind of let slip that she thinks there's something I'm not telling her."
"I mean she's not stupid." Jade said with a shrug. "She knows you."
Santana scowled. "Yeah and she got a top from Noah."
"Noah?" Jade's eyes widened again. "He knows about you not wanting anymore kids?"
"Yeah I told him the day I figured it out."
Jade pressed her lips together, her eyes drifting to the side. "Mmhh" She hummed.
"Anyway, when she let that slip I kind of panicked. So now I'm using this fight to…." Santana sighed. "I don't even know. Distract her…?"
There was a moment of silence. Santana could see the confusion in Jade's eyes. She was looking at Santana like she was waiting for her to say more. To explain something that didn't make sense.
"What?" Jade asked, cocking her head.
"I just need some time to think, and this way-"
"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard!" Jade said, slapping Santana's knee.
"Ow." Santana pulled her leg back and pushed her chair away from Jade.
"You complete idiot Santana Lopez."
"It's not like I'm pretending to be mad. I am actually pissed that she…" She stopped herself from saying too much. "I am actually pissed at her. So I'm just…taking some tome before forgiving her."
"Fuck off." Jade shook her head. "You're behaving like a coward."
Santana sat up, frowning. "Watch it."
"Talk to your wife for fuck's sake Santana, and stop being an idiot."
"Will you stop calling me that?"
Jade exhaled sharply and stood up.
"Tomorrow is valentine's day."
"Yeah I know…" Santana bit her lip. "It's going to be-"
"Shut up I'm talking now."
Santana looked up at her, both eyebrows raised.
"Tomorrow is valentine's day and you're not talking to your beautiful, amazing wife because you don't want to hurt her?"
"I've never had to hurt Brittany like this and I don't think I can do it okay?" Santana stood up as well. "The last time I tried to tell her we can't have kids she lost it on me. She became a different person…Mean. It was horrible. I still remember how hurt I was and I don't think I can do it okay?"
Jade softened, letting out a sigh. "Oh Santana." She walked forward and hugged her. "I get it okay? But unless you think you're going to change your mind…" Santana shook her head. "Well what you're doing now is causing more harm than good. You're hurting Brittany now, trying not to hurt her in the future. It doesn't make sense. She deserves better than this."
Santana nodded, pulling out of the hug. She knew Jade was right. Of course she knew. She was being a coward, and she was treating Brittany horribly, and damaging her marriage for a stupid reason. A selfish reason. For no reason.
"Go home." Jade encouraged gently. "Talk to her. And if you need back-up, just give me a ring."
Heart feeling heavy, Santana nodded. "You're right. Okay." She took out her purse from under the table and slung it over her shoulder. "Thanks."
"It'll be okay. Brittany will understand."
Holding on to those words and hoping beyond hope that they were true, Santana left the studio.
When she got home, Brittany was in the kitchen with all the kids. Mateo was standing on the step while the others were gathered around Brittany, all of them watching a video on the Ipad.
"Aww does that mean we'll have to make it tomorrow?" Kyler asked, looking up from the Ipad to pout at Brittany. "Mami!"
Everyone looked up at his exclamation.
"Mami!"
Her four kids rushed to hug her. Ryan and Kaycee standing beside Brittany.
"We're making pizza." Mateo told her.
"But it says we have to let the dough rise for twenty four hours." Jesús pouted.
"Maybe we can do make homemade dough another time guys." Brittan said. "But we can go get some from the store for today if you want."
"Yes!" Mateo and Kyler cheered.
"Okay." Sophia said, sounding slightly disappointed. "But can we still all have our own pizza?"
"Of course love." Brittany moved out of the kitchen, taking off her apron. "I'll get enough for everyone."
"Hi Kaycee, hi Ryan." Santana called.
"Hi." Kaycee waved shyly at her.
"Don't I get a hug?" She opened her arms. Grinning, they both ran into them, hugging her waist. "That's better."
"Sorry." Ryan chuckled. "I didn't know if…"
"Well now you know." She ruffled his hair.
"Mama can I go with you?" Jesús asked.
"Um…" Brittany paused, turning to look at Santana. She seemed to be trying to decide something. Finally she shook her head. "No I'm going to go with mami."
Santana's eyes widened, her eyebrows rising.
"And they'll stay here alone?"
Brittany approached Santana, her eyes narrowing.
"Hello to you too."
Santana cringed.
Shaking her head, Brittany turned back to the kids. "You guys can take care of yourselves for half an hour right?" Brittany asked.
"Yeah!" Sophia said excitedly. "Totally."
"Totally." Brittany giggled. "Alright then." She turned back to Santana, her smile immediately dropping. "You're coming with me."
It wasn't a request, so Santana turned and followed Brittany out of the house. Brittany didn't say a word as they got into the car, and it unnerved Santana immensely. She felt like she was in trouble, which honestly she should be, given how she'd been acting, but she didn't dare ask. Brittany seemed really upset, so she would wait for her to speak first.
Brittany finally talked when they pulled into the store. She parked the car and turned off the ignition, then turned in her seat to face Santana.
Santana's heart was racing.
"Enough Santana."
Frowning, Santana turned to face Brittany.
"Excuse me?"
"I said enough. Enough of this….whatever it is. This awkward silence. Enough of you not talking to me. We've driven all the way here and you haven't said a thing."
"I thought there was something you wanted to talk about. I was waiting for you to talk."
Brittany sighed, reaching over the gear box to take Santana's hand.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you as soon as Julia called me. I was in shock…I think…and telling you would make it real, and I didn't want to tell you and make it real and not be able to go through it with you."
Santana's heart sunk.
"No, I'm sorry."
She gripped Brittany's hand with her free hand.
"I got scared, and I hated feeling scared so I decided to be angry instead. I'm sorry Brittany it wasn't fair."
She was talking about Kevin, but she was also talking about being scared of how Brittany would react when she finally told her about not wanting more kids. Brittany didn't know that, but saying it made Santana's chest feel a little lighter.
"I'm a bitch and I'm sorry."
"You were stressed, I knew you were stressed, even if you were having a great time. I didn't want to stress you out more. I'm trying to take as much stress off you as possible so that you can concentrate on the album."
"I know." Santana nodded. "I see you and I'm really grateful."
Brittany looked down at their hands, which Santana squeezed for good measure.
"You're not allowed to not talk to me." She said quietly. Santana tilted her head to the side, confused.
"What?"
"If you're mad, or scared….you're not allowed to stop talking to me."
"Oh."
"You can't shut me out." Brittany looked up, and to Santana's horror there were tears in her eyes. She jerked forward, almost wanting to jump over the gear shift so she could wrap Brittany up in her arms. "You can't shut me out Santana." Brittany repeated, her voice breaking. "I won't survive."
"Shhh Brittany…" Santana pulled her forward. It was an awkward position, but she didn't care. She hugged Brittany to her chest, stroking her hair. "I'm sorry love. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry."
Brittany sniffled, her arms wrapping around Santana's torso.
"Don't shut me out."
"I won't." Santana said with conviction, shaking her head. "I promise I won't ever do it again. I'm sorry."
She felt Brittany nod against her chest, her hands tightening around her torso.
"I forgive you."
Santana bent and kissed her head, hating herself just a little bit. Brittany was right, enough was enough. She needed to just rip the bandage off and tell her. Not tonight, because Brittany was already sad and crying. She'd tell her after valentine's day.