Life was funny, Brittany had always thought that. When she was little she'd found it funny that people pretended animals couldn't understand humans. To her it was just so obvious that they could. For one, she had very lengthy conversations with her cat, but for another, you could tell from their eyes that animals just…..knew. As she got older, Brittany realised that the same was true even in people. You could always tell things about them, just from their eyes. It was how she'd always be able to tell what Santana was thinking or feeling. No one ever dared to really look into Santana's eyes, not that she would let them close enough to actually get a good look anyway, so for most of high school Santana remained a mystery to most people. But Brittany stared into Santana's eyes as often as she could, and she'd found out that there was a whole world behind those eyes. So much that Santana kept hidden, trying to pretend wasn't there. A whole world that only Brittany was privy to.
Santana's eyes never lied, and looking into them right now, Brittany didn't really like what they were saying; Santana really liked Malek.
Jade was tapping her glass, eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Yeah I guess you're right…he did seem sad."
"Was something wrong?" Brittany asked, though she honestly couldn't say that she cared at all.
Santana sighed. "Oh something's wrong." She said. "But he won't talk about it."
"Maybe you should make him do jumping jacks." Jade laughed.
"I should." Santana chuckled. "See how he likes it."
Brittany fought a cringe at the thought of Santana watching Malek do jumping jacks, probably shirtless.
"How do you know he's sad?" She asked to distract her mind.
"He got this look on his face…." Santana looked down and Brittany knew she was picturing the look in question. "Every time we brought up valentine's day he got this far off look…like he was thinking about something-"
"Or someone." Jade gasped. "Santana what if it's an ex or something?"
"Huh…" Santana looked up, licking her lips. "It could be. She broke his heart and all the valentine's stuff is making him miss her."
The thought that it was also possible Malek was upset he couldn't spend valentine's day with Santana crossed Brittany's mind, and try as she might, she couldn't fight it off.
"Maybe he just doesn't like valentine's day." She said, trying to convince herself more than Santana and Jade. "You never used to Santana."
Santana grinned, turning to Brittany and leaning closer to her.
"It wasn't valentine's day that I hated babe. It was not being able to spend it with you."
Brittany's stomach fluttered with giddy butterflies. She had to bite her lip to keep from smiling too wide. The way Santana was looking at her right now was so soft and full of love, her heart threatened to explode. Santana leaned in the rest of the way and placed a tender kiss on her cheek. The butterflies in Brittany's stomach erupted again.
"What's your favorite valentine's day memory?" Jade asked, pointing her wine glass at Brittany.
"Ohhh." Brittany groaned. "I couldn't possibly pick."
"Oh come off it. Of course you can!" Jade waved her hand, swishing the wine in the glass. "People always say that but there's always a favorite."
"No I really don't have one." Brittany said earnestly. "I also don't have a favorite birthday, or anniversary or anything like that. They're all different so I can't compare them."
"You enjoyed them all, but there's one that just hit different." Jade continued to insist. "Come on Britt, be honest."
"I am!" Brittany laughed. "Sorry it's a boring answer but I enjoy all my time with Santana. I don't have a favorite."
"Sure you do." Santana said, smirking. Brittany frowned and when Santana nodded she cocked her head, confused.
"I do?"
"Yeah."
"I told you?"
Santana shook her head once, still smirking. "No, but I know."
Brittany sat back in her seat, folding her hands in her lap.
"Which one?"
"The first." Santana said simply, shrugging.
Brittany had been ready to argue, or ready for Santana to say something ridiculous like the one she spent with Sam at Mr Schue's wedding. She had not been prepared to suddenly be back at Breadsticks, sitting at the table with Santana, trying not to bawl her eyes out as the god squad serenaded her. She felt her shoulders drop.
"Yup." Santana giggled silently, reaching for Brittany's hand and gently squeezing it. "I told you."
"Aaw Britt." Jade cooed, as Brittany's eyes watered. "Are you gonna cry?"
"No." Brittany inhaled sharply and closed her eyes. "No I won't."
Santana giggled again. "It's okay if you do." She turned back to Jade. "It was a good valentine's day."
"So good it made her cry?" Jade laughed.
Brittany opened her eyes, ready to protest, but Santana beat her to it.
"She didn't cry actually." Santana said quickly, holding up a finger. "She was just really moved."
"Of course I was moved." Brittany rested her free arm on the table, the last of the sudden tidal wave of emotions ebbing away. "Santana got me a singing valentine and danced with me and kissed me," she pressed her lips together and faced Santana, her chest feeling as full of love and adoration as it had that night. Santana smiled softly, rubbing her thumb over Brittany's hand and leaning in just close enough for their noses to almost touch.
"I don't get it." Jade said, breaking the moment. Santana turned to her.
"It was the first time we'd ever…I'd ever," She amended, "done anything as public as that. I was just barely out of the closet and it was still freaking Lima, Ohio. So it was kind of a big deal." She shrugged.
"It was a massive big deal." Brittany kissed Santana's lips before sitting back in her chair again. "Everyone we knew was there, people we didn't know were there, and she didn't care. Well actually she cared, but she did it anyway."
Jade smiled proudly.
"Good for you Lopierce."
Chuckling, Santana brought Brittany's hand to her lips, kissed the back of it and then let it go and picked her wine.
"My favourite is um….what year was it." She smacked her lips, frowning in thought. "When did we leave New York?"
"20…" Brittany narrowed her eyes. "We got married in 2017, so 2016."
"Okay then it was 2016. When we finally had money to actually do stuff."
"Oh yeah." Brittany laughed. "And we both kept trying to out-do each other?"
Santana nodded, grinning.
"Wait, wait." Jade held out her hand. "Start from the beginning. You guys were broke?"
"Believe it." Santana said, putting down her wine glass. "Broke as everyone else in New York."
"But I thought your family was rich?" Jade asked, pointing at Santana.
"Yeah…which is why we had a roof over our heads at all up until that point."
"But why?"
"How much to do you think a kid in college can make in a month?"
"I don't know." Jade shrugged. "Twenty bucks an hour, you work…how many hours can you work if you're in school? Like twenty a week?"
"If you work weekends yeah." Brittany said. "You could even do a bit more."
"Okay so minimum four hundred a week, that's sixteen hundred a month. And there's two of you, so…I mean that's not great but it's not poverty."
"Right. Except Brittany and I didn't start working until like our second year."
"And rent in New York is just…" Brittany shook her head. "Freaking unbelievable."
"I'm talking like two thousand bucks a month-"
"Bloody hell!"
"If you're lucky." Santana added quickly, with a raised finger.
"Plus groceries and all the coffee Santana drinks…" Brittany shot Santana a cheeky grin, giggling when Santana stuck her tongue out at her. "We had nothing left over."
"Damn. I didn't know you guys struggled like that."
"Eh." Santana shrugged. "It didn't feel like struggling."
"It was fun." Brittany beamed. "It felt like real life."
"But the year I'm talking about, Brittany and I had been living together in our new place for nearly a year, which had really helped us get better with money-"
"You'd be surprised how hard it is to keep track of money when you're living in a group the way we were. Like you spend less at a time, cause everything is being split so many ways, but then there are just so many things you end up spending on."
"Yeah. When it was just us, we actually cut back a lot."
"And we both started saving."
"So by the time Valentine's day was rolling around…."
"You were loaded." Jade finished, nodding.
"Exactly." Santana said.
"And we both had the idea to spoil each other. Like really go all out with it."
"Of course you did." Jade laughed.
"It was so fun." Santana said, excitement shining in her eyes. It made Brittany smile.
"Yeah it really was." She said fondly. "We kind of went out of control but it was a lot of fun."
"Well go on." Jade waved her hand. "What did you do?"
"What didn't we do?" Santana chuckled, quickly sipping her wine. "Brittany did the breakfast in bed, which I knew she would because she wakes up earlier than me."
"I used to wake up earlier than you." Brittany corrected. "Not anymore."
"Unfortunately." Santana exaggerated a sigh, making Brittany and Jade laugh.
"And then Santana had flowers delivered to the apartment-"
"Not just flowers." Santana interrupted, pointing her wine glass at Jade. "An arrangement."
"Of course." Jade nodded mockingly. "Let me guess a heart?"
"There were two actually." Brittany said. "One was a heart, the other was…I don't know, just beautiful." She turned to smile at Santana. "And it had chocolates inside, small little chocolates…" She used her thumb and index finger to show how small the chocolates were. "That I kept finding, like a constant surprise."
"Aawww" Jade cooed.
"And there was a small white teddy bear sitting in the middle."
"She still has it." Santana said. "It's in our closet somewhere."
"Wow." Jade said, her eyebrows raising. "It was that special to you?"
Brittany shrugged, hiding her smile behind her glass as she took a sip. She didn't think she could explain to Jade how much she loved it when Santana gave her stuff. It always made her feel giddy inside, and whatever it was, she kept it for as long as possible. It was why they had a box in their room full of all the notes Santana had ever given her. Brittany was seriously considering getting them laminated or something, so that she could keep them forever. So of course she still had that bear. She'd even named it Pickles. He was in their closet because she was hiding him from her kids.
"Brittany hadn't gotten me flowers." Santana continued the story. "So when my awesome arrangement arrived, she couldn't stand it."
"No." Brittany chuckled. "I just realised I forgot flowers."
"So she went to get some?" Jade asked.
"Oh no." Santana shook her head. "She wanted us to both go."
"So we went looking for a florist, got derailed and ended up going for a walk through central park."
"Oh how cliché" Jade rolled her eyes as she laughed. "I bet it was covered in a perfect bed of white snow too."
"HA." Santana cackled. "Have you ever actually been to New York?"
Jade frowned. "What?"
"No." Brittany shook her head. "I mean yes it had snowed, but it was not picture perfect. It was kind of melted and mixing with mud and all of that."
"Brittany and I kept slipping-"
"Tell the truth Santana."
Santana pressed her lips together, glaring silently at Brittany. Brittany stared back, one eyebrow raised expectantly.
"Ugh." Santana groaned. "Fine I fell okay?"
Brittany smiled happily as Jade burst out laughing.
"It was slippery," Santana said over Jade's laughter. "Brittany would have fallen too but I caught her."
Brittany laughed now too. "You did not."
"I did too Britt!"
"Santana I didn't fall because I caught myself."
"How did you catch yourself?" Santana pointed at her. "Mmhh?" She cocked her head. "Who did you grab onto."
"You but that's not-"
"So if I wasn't there you'd have fallen?"
Brittany narrowed her eyes playfully, fighting a grin.
"That's what I thought." Santana nodded.
"Please tell me it was face first." Jade said gleefully.
"It was flat on my ass, if you have to know." Santana muttered.
Brittany realised Santana was sulking, so she leaned close to her, so her lips were inches from Santana's face.
"Your very cute ass." She whispered. Santana pursed her lips, refusing to look at Brittany. Brittany could tell she was trying not to smile. "And I gave you piggy back ride so you didn't slip again." The smile was breaking through, despite Santana's effort to contain it. Her jaw clenched.
"Plus I gave it a massage and made it feel all better right?"
Santana finally smiled, turning to face Brittany.
"Yeah you did."
"Give me a kiss."
Santana dutifully closed the distance between them and kissed Brittany's lips.
"So after Santana's public humiliation, did you go home?"
"Nope." Brittany sat back in her chair. "We walked around for a bit, and then went for lunch."
"They do heart-shaped pizzas for valentine's day," Santana said, "did you know that?"
The waiter walked up to their table, forcing them to pause the conversation as he set all of their food down.
"Thank you." Brittany smiled at him.
"Will you be needing anything else?" He asked, folding his hands behind his back.
"Actually can we get some more wine please?" Santana lifted her almost empty wine glass.
"Of course." He nodded, before turning on the spot and walking away.
"I'm starving." Brittany moaned, unfolding her cutlery from the napkin as her mouth watered.
"Do you want half of mine B?"
Brittany looked up from her food to see Santana cutting her wrap in half. She frowned.
"You're not hungry?"
Santana shrugged. "Kinda, but I know you like wraps."
"Oh." Brittany looked down at her food again. "Uh sure, do you want some of my pasta?"
"No that's okay." Santana lifted one half of the wrap and put it on the side plate by Brittany.
"Oh I guess I'm not Malek…"
Jade nearly spit out her wine. Her hand flew to her mouth, using her napkin to clean off the wine that was trickling down her chin.
Santana paused, her fork still dug into Brittany's portion of the wrap.
Brittany froze as well, shocked at herself. The words had come out before she could stop them. She hadn't meant to say that, she hadn't even thought it. The picture on the tabloids from weeks ago had just popped into her head and then….and now Santana was looking at her like she'd just slapped her, and Jade's eyes were wide, as she banged on her chest to stop herself choking and Brittany's insides were squirming.
"What?" Santana finally spoke, pulling her fork free.
"I don't know." Brittany said quickly. "I don't know why I said that."
"Brittany's throwing shade Santana," Jade chuckled, now using some napkins to soak up the few drops of wine that had splashed onto the table. "Recognize it. Damn that caught me off." She shook her head.
"Brittany." Santana said softly, urging Brittany to look at her. Brittany did so hesitantly. She didn't know what to say, so she settled for just looking at Santana. She could see Santana's confusion written all over her face, not just at Brittany's comment, but at the tone she'd used, and Brittany was pretty sure Santana had finally picked up on her dislike for Malek. Santana's eyes flicked between Brittany's, searching for answers that Brittany just couldn't give. Brittany opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but nothing came to mind, so she closed it again and shrugged.
"Oh come on Santana." Jade said, twirling her own spaghetti round her fork. "Don't take it so seriously, she was just kidding."
Santana finally turned away from Brittany, and Brittany felt like she could breathe. She had a feeling a conversation about this was soon to come.
"So you ate pizza and then what?"
"Uh…" Santana seemed to have entirely forgotten what they were talking about. "She blinked rapidly, shaking her head like she was trying to clear her thoughts. "Uh…"
"This was when we kind of started being silly." Brittany said, saving Santana. "It was Santana's idea to do the pizza, so it was my turn, but I couldn't come up with anything, so I did like a quick search on my phone and chose the Bronx zoo."
"Oh yeah." Santana chuckled. "Name a roach."
"What?" Jade exclaimed, looking at them both incredulously. "You've got to be joking."
"Nope. There is a roach at the Bronx zoo called Santana Lopez."
"Oh my god." Jade laughed. "What the hell kind of valentine's day date is that?"
Brittany shrugged, stuffing her mouth full of food. She hadn't really recovered from the look Santana had just given her, and the tension of the previous moment, so the laugh she gave was more nervous than genuine laughter. She glanced quickly at Santana, who also wasn't really laughing. She wanted to slap herself for ruining the moment. They were having such a nice conversation and now it was weird.
"And then you…went home? Finally?"
"It was my turn, and we were messing around now, so I took us to the museum of sex."
Jade almost choked again, this time she had to drink water to sooth her throat. Brittany and Santana smiled at each other. Brittany was relieved to see that Santana's smile was genuine.
"You fucking idiot." Jade laughed. "You fucking idiot Santana. Of course you did."
Santana smirked. "Brittany had fun." She said, taking her first bite of food.
"I did." Brittany nodded. "Learned a lot."
"You two are sick." Jade said, shaking her head. "Perfect for each other."
Brittany's thumb drifted subconsciously to her ring. She pushed the band round her finger until the gem was under her finger, and then she pressed her thumb against it. She and Santana were perfect for each other, she knew that, she really felt that, but lately…lately everything had been off and they'd been out of sync. They didn't feel like themselves. They didn't feel like those people who'd gone to pick out a cockroach to name, and giggled the entire way through the sex museum like immature teenagers. She pushed her ring round her finger again. Something was wrong with them, but Brittany wasn't exactly sure what. She just knew that she desperately wanted to fix it.
"But then Brittany suggested a more sane idea, ice-skating."
Brittany nodded, no longer really paying attention to the conversation.
"And then we had two dinners." Santana finished.
The waiter returned with their glasses of wine. Santana quickly drained hers and handed him the empty glass.
"Anything else?"
"No." She told him. Brittany and Jade shook their head. "Thank you."
He bowed his head and left.
"Why two dinners?" Jade asked.
"Because we'd both made reservations." Brittany said absently, still playing with her ring.
"Brittany's was at Eataly, so we went to mine first, and just ordered dessert."
"Dessert first." Jade nodded approvingly. "Aaaw." She smiled at them. "You two are crazy but you're also really sweet."
Brittany looked down at her ring, wondering why hearing Jade say that was making her sad. She jumped slightly as she felt Santana suddenly touch her thigh. She looked up. Santana was looking at her, eyes full of worry. She dipped her head, a gesture Brittany knew meant she was asking if Brittany was okay. So Brittany nodded, pushed her ring into the proper position and dropped her hand onto Santana's.
"That's was a good valentine's day." She said, smiling. "That's a good favourite to have babe."
"But like you've said they've all been good." Santana said.
"We should do something like that again." Brittany said, turning Santana's hand so she could intertwine their fingers. "Find crazy stuff to do here."
Santana nodded. "Next year."
Brittany resumed eating, holding Santana's hand the entire time.
"So Jade." Santana said after taking a deep breath.
"Mmh"
"Tell us, why is it you are spending your Valentine's day with us instead of your boyfriend?"
"I told you he's out of town…."
Santana didn't talk much on the way home from their lunch which had turned into late cocktails with Jade. She listened silently as Brittany speculated on why Jade was hiding her boyfriend from them, offering her thoughts here and there. She couldn't stop thinking about Brittany's comment about not being Malek, and how she was pretty sure Brittany had not been joking. There was something behind those words, and what was worse, from the wide look Brittany had gotten after saying it, Santana was also pretty sure Brittany herself didn't know what that something was.
Did Brittany not like Malek?
The more Santana thought about it, the more she realised that there were signs to point to Brittany not liking Malek. Comments she kept making, Malek's name being thrown in when the conversation had nothing to do with him. Santana had thought that by introducing them she'd dealt with whatever it was Brittany had been feeling, but now it seemed she hadn't. "I guess I'm not Malek…" That's what Brittany had said. She was implying that Santana wanted to share food with Malek but not Brittany. That Santana had a relationship with Malek that she didn't have with Brittany.
Was Brittany jealous?
Brittany hadn't said anything to her, but if she was, that was a problem. That was a big problem. The media had been having a field day with her and Malek and Santana found it completely ridiculous, actually she'd found it funny. The idea that she was having an affair with a man was hilarious to her. So had she played with it? Yes she had. She'd teased the paparazzi and made jokes about it around the office. She'd started calling Malek her secret lover for god's sake. And all the while Brittany was actually jealous? Had she taken the tabloids seriously?
Santana's grip tightened on the steering wheel. No, it wasn't the tabloids. Brittany never cared about tabloids. Santana had an idea of who had really gotten to Brittany; Quinn and Puck. Quinn had done the same thing when Santana had been working with Dani, but back then Brittany and Santana had talked about the situation a lot more. Santana had been careful, more than careful, to make sure there was not even a hint of any kind of relationship that could be construed as anything but professional. She hadn't thought it was necessary to do the same with Malek. He was a man for crying out loud.
"Yeah I don't know." She glanced at Brittany. "I guess we'll just have to wait for her to be ready."
"I wanna meet him so I can be happy for her." Brittany said, taking out her hair tie and running her hand through her hair. "I can't be happy for her before I meet him and make sure he's a good guy."
"Yeah."
"But once I do then I can be happy that she's finally found someone. It's so exciting. All our friends are growing up…"
It wasn't like Santana had ever done anything inappropriate with Malek. She shared lunch with Jade all the time. Why would Brittany be mad about that? She couldn't see what she could have done to make Brittany feel like there was anything to be jealous of. Most of the time she spent with Malek they were working. It wasn't like she went out to dinner with him, or hung out together outside of work. She'd never even been to his house.
And he was a man.
They got to their house with Brittany now talking about Kurt and Blaine's foster son. They had shared a picture for the first time a few days ago and Brittany had been so excited. Of course Santana had been avoiding Brittany when the picture had been sent so they hadn't really had a chance to talk about it. Santana was happy for them, she really was. She almost wanted to fly to New York so she could see Kurt be a dad in person. It was exciting that their friends were all moving into parenthood and growing up as Brittany put it, but Santana worried about what that would do to Brittany. Would she get baby fever? Would she feel nostalgic and want what their friends had again? A new born baby, with their intoxicating new born baby smell and cute little noises. Santana felt panic rising in her stomach just at the thought.
"The lights are off." Brittany commented, as Santana got out of the car and locked it.
"Do you think they put themselves to bed?" Santana asked.
"No way." Brittany shook her head. "They're probably playing hide and seek in the dark or something."
But when they opened the door, the house was quiet.
"Okay…?" Brittany took off her jacket, trying to see up the stairs. Santana dropped her purse and the keys on the glass table.
"Hello?" Santana called.
"Maybe they went to Quinn's?" Brittany asked, turning to Santana.
"And Jessie didn't call?"
"Well Noah's in Vegas so that's the only place they can be."
Santana sighed, fishing her phone from her purse.
"Let's just call him and see."
As she dialed, Brittany walked further into the house, making her way to the kitchen. It barely rang before the call was disconnected. Santana frowned down at her phone, following Brittany.
"He declined." She said in disbelief. "Has he ever-" she bumped into Brittany's back, making her look up. "Why have you stopped?"
"Do you see those candles or is that just me?"
Santana looked round Brittany to see dozens of candles along the kitchen island with three huge bouquets of flowers and a giant red card propped up against them. Santana stepped out from behind Brittany to stand next to her.
"So they're not from you?" She asked, staring at the flowers.
Brittany shook her head.
"Then I guess-"
"SURPRISE"
The four kids jumped up from the living room couch, screaming at the top of their lungs. Santana nearly jumped out of her skin. She'd ducked behind Brittany, gripping her shirt tight before she'd even processed what the sudden noise was. It made the kids laugh hysterically.
She stood up slowly, waving her finger at them.
"Yoouuuuu." She said, smiling despite her still racing heart. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."
"We scared you mami, we scared you!" Mateo squealed in delight. The other three climbed over the couch and ran to the hug them.
"Happy valentine's day mums." Sophia said sweetly.
"Sorry for scaring you." Jesús giggled.
"That's okay." Santana kissed his head.
"This is a great surprise loves." Brittany said, walking with Kyler and Sophia to the kitchen island. "OH there's more!" She let go of them and walked quickly into the dining room. Santana followed.
"Wooww." She breathed when she saw the set-up. There were more candles on the dining table, casting a romantic light on the food in the center.
"I made it." Jesús said, hoping on the spot.
"We helped a little." Kyler said with a cheeky smile.
"I set it all up, and it was my idea." Sophia said, raising her hand.
"Hey it was all our idea." Jesús said.
Mateo came running in, bumping into the back of Brittany's legs.
"I made the cake."
"MATEO!"
"NIKI"
"What? What?" Santana asked, alarmed by their yells.
"It was supposed to be a surprise!" Sophia said, glaring at Mateo.
"Sorry." Mateo said shamefully, looking at the ground.
"What was supposed to be a surprise?" Brittany asked, with a confused face that was so fake and so cute it made Santana smile toothily.
"The c-"
"I don't know." Santana said, clamping her hand over Mateo's mouth. "I didn't hear anything. What did you say Niki?"
Sophia, Jesús and Kyler grinned as Mateo giggled.
"Nothing." Jesús said. He walked forward, pulling Mateo out of Santana's arms and dragging him into the kitchen.
"Come and sit down." Kyler said walking to the dining table and pulling out a chair.
Santana sat in it.
"What did you guys make?" Brittany asked, walking round the table.
"No, no you have to sit next to mami." Sophia told Brittany, who was making her way to her usual seat opposite Santana.
"Oh." Brittany made her way back around.
"We made lasagna and a salad."
"This salad looks interesting." Santana reached across the table and pulled the salad towards her. It looked like cauliflower, olive, pepper and some carrots. "You made this papi?"
Jesús, who was just walking in with Mateo, nodded proudly.
"This is amazing." Brittany said.
Santana wasn't hungry at all. They'd eaten a lot at lunch and then ordered some pastries at four since they were still there. She now realised that Jade had probably been tasked with keeping them busy all afternoon. So she wasn't hungry, but her kids all looked so proud of themselves, and had clearly been planning this for days. So she passed her plate to Jesús who was cutting up the lasagna.
"Give me a big piece." She said. Jesus' grin was worth the bloating she knew she was going to have all night.
"We did good." Brittany whispered, leaning in to her. Santana couldn't tear her eyes away from the kids who were now arguing over the portion Jesús had served, but she too leaned into Brittany.
"Mmhh?"
"With them." Brittany clarified. "We did good."
Santana smiled. "Yes we did."
After dinner, the cake was brought out, and Brittany and Santana did their best to act genuinely surprised. It wasn't hard, because the cake that came out was not what they were expecting at all, given that Mateo said he made it. First of all, it looked like a two tier cake, and it wasn't leaning to one side or anything like that, which in itself was surprising, but then when it was put on the table, Santana had to marvel at the icing. The whole cake was pink, but on top there were a few icing-made flowers, a big heart drawn in red icing and the words HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY MUMS in white, decorated with some cherries.
Santana was at a loss for words.
"This is incredible." Brittany said, standing so she could see the cake properly and take a few pictures. "I can't believe you guys made this."
"Everything." Santana amended.
Brittany nodded.
"We wanted you to have a special valentine's day." Kyler said. "Cause in school they told us that valentine's day is about showing people you love them."
"We made a card." Mateo ran out to the kitchen and returned with the card that was so big it blocked his vision.
"In school?" Santana asked taking the card from him.
"No." Sophia shook her head. "At home."
Santana put the card between her and Brittany so they could both see. It too was pink, with what must have been several bottles of glitter sprinkled over it. Inside there was a drawing of all of them, some trees and grass, and many, many love-hearts, with the message, 'we love you mums' at the bottom. Brittany and Santana looked at each other, feeling the same rush of emotions, before turning to the kids.
"Thank you babies." Brittany said. "This is very sweet."
"And we love you too."
"Can we cut the cake?" Mateo asked.
"Yes cut some pieces for us please." Santana told him.
"Our teacher said we should ask you some questions." Kyler said.
"Oh yeah? Like what?" Brittany asked, leaning back in her seat.
"Liiiike…." Clearly having forgotten what they were supposed to ask, Kyler turned to Jesus. "Like what?"
"Like who is your valentine?" Jesús asked.
"Oh." Brittany looked at Santana. "Uh you." She said, smiling at him.
"No not me!" Jesús giggled.
"Yes you. You don't want to be my valentine?" Brittany pretended to pout.
Jesús fidgeted, looking first at his siblings and then Santana. Santana cocked her head, pursing her lips and raising her eyebrows. "You didn't ask me mama."
"Aha!" Santana laughed, pointing at Brittany. "He's a smart boy. He's got you there babe."
Laughing, Brittany nodded. "Okay true. I'll ask you next year."
"So who's your valentine?" Kyler asked again.
Mateo pushed a side plate piled with cake across the table towards Santana and Brittany.
"And you have to eat it all." He said, as Brittany reached for it.
"Okay." Santana laughed.
"Mami is my valentine." Brittany said, taking a piece of cake.
"Obviously." Sophia said, "cause you're married."
"When did you get married mami?" Mateo asked.
"We've told you about our wedding. You saw the pictures."
"But how come I wasn't there?" Mateo asked, looking up from the cake.
"It was before you were born buddy." Brittany laughed.
"It was at Disney World right?" Kyler asked.
"Yeah."
"Did you go on all the rides?"
Santana and Brittany laughed. "No. We weren't there to ride rollercoasters, we were there to get married."
"I'd get married in a roller coaster." Jesús giggled.
"Please do." Santana joked.
"Can we go to Disney world even if you're not getting married?" Mateo asked.
"Duh." Sophia snickered.
"Can we go now?!"
"No I know we can't go now." Kyler said before either Brittany or Santana could answer. "But can we go like in the summer?"
Santana's mind immediately went to her touring schedule. She'd be starting again in June, but she'd probably have a break at some point in July. The could schedule a trip then. She looked at Brittany and shrugged.
"We'll see bud." Brittany said.
Kyler nodded happily. "Okay."
Santana took her first bite of cake, and as she did, her eyes widened. Her mouth nearly dropped open, but she caught herself at the last second, settling instead for letting out a long satisfied moan.
"I think mami likes the cake." Brittany laughed.
Santana had been finding she had less of a sweet-tooth lately. She still enjoyed cakes and ice-cream and so on, but she was often just not in the mood for it. Yet, as she hastily took another bite of the piece in her hand, Santana was sure she would be finishing the entire plate of cake, with or without Brittany's help.
"I love piña colada." She said with her mouth full.
"Mami." Jesús giggled.
She'd been expecting vanilla, or maybe lemon, so the burst of flavour was a pleasant surprise. She reached for a second piece.
"There's more questions." Kyler said.
"Ask away." Brittany said.
"Okay, so since you're each other's valentine's our teacher wanted us to ask you why you chose each other as valentines, and what valentine's day means to you." Sophia said.
Santana chewed slowly, turning to look at Brittany.
She hadn't really chosen Brittany as her valentines, they were married, so Brittany was just kind of her valentine by default. She would of course have chosen her even if they weren't married, but it struck Santana that since getting married they hadn't made as much of a show of valentine's day as they used to. Even when they were dating, she and Brittany used to find cute ways to ask, 'will you be my valentine?' In high school Brittany had left a note in Santana's bag, and the year after they got back together Santana had waited outside Brittany's class with a flower and a box of dots. They hadn't done that since moving to San Jose.
But back to the question, since Brittany would be her choice anyway, why would she choose Brittany as her valentine?
"Valentine's day is-"
"I chose her beca-"
She and Brittany both broke off, giggling.
"You go first." Brittany said.
"Okay." Santana turned to the kids. "Well…I chose your mama as my valentine for the same reason I chose to marry her."
"Cause she's pretty?" Mateo asked. He had cake and icing all over his hands and face, some even smudged on his nose.
Everyone laughed.
"Yes, she is pretty." Santana agreed, Brittany winked at her. "But also she is kind and loves animals, and has an awesome imagination."
"Yeah she made a game where-"
"Shush!" Jesús and Kyler snapped at Mateo.
"Let her finish." Sophia said.
"I was. I mean…" Santana shrugged, looking at Brittany. "We always have fun together, and I trust her more than anyone."
"Same." Brittany said, her eyes drifting to the side for a moment before she looked back at Santana and smiled. "And she's really pretty." Santana grinned.
Brittany stuck her tongue out at her, making Santana giggle.
"Okay so all of that is why you love her?" Sophia asked. That's when Santana noticed she had a pen and a piece of paper.
"Yes." She said, craning her neck to see. "Is this an interview for something?"
"No, we have to do a presentation tomorrow."
"About why I love your mama?" Santana asked confused.
"No, about our parents' valentine and why they chose them."
"That's an interesting presentation." Brittany commented, frowning slightly.
Sophia shrugged.
"She said we're learning about love this week." Jesús said. "Since Valentine's is all about love."
"Oh okay." Santana nodded.
"So mama?" Sophia pointed the pen at her. "What does Valentine's day mean to you?"
"Mmhhhh" Brittany pursed her lips, looking up in thought. "Lots of chocolate."
"Britt" Santana chuckled. "She's writing that down."
Brittany looked down to see Sophia in fact writing down her answer.
"No, no, I'm just kidding Soph!"
"Oh." Sophia canceled what she'd written. "No kidding mama." She chastised.
"Sorry." Brittany laughed, rolling her eyes playfully. "Uh, to me valentine's day is about showing love and appreciation to the people who matter to you."
"What's appreciation?" Mateo asked.
"It's when you make sure someone knows you are grateful for them and the things they do for you. So like this whole dinner and the cake you made,"
"And the card and flowers," Santana added.
Brittany nodded. "They make your mami and I feel appreciated."
"Ohh." Mateo grinned. "Then we did valentine's day right."
"Yes you did."
"What did you do to make each other feel appreciated?" Kyler asked.
Santana looked down at the plate of cake between her and Brittany, realising that neither of them had done anything particularly special for each other today. They'd woken up, wished each other a happy valentine's day with a sweet kiss, they'd made breakfast together, and Santana had jokingly fed Brittany her egg saying she loved her too much to let her feed herself. Then they'd dropped their kids at school, Brittany had dropped Santana at the studio given her another kiss and promised to be back later to pick her and Jade up for their lunch date.
Santana suddenly felt deeply ashamed. She hadn't even gotten Brittany any flowers.
"Your mum and I show appreciation for each other every day." Brittany said, taking Santana's hand and squeezing. Santana looked up from the plate, her heart feeling heavy. It was true that they told each other how much they loved and appreciated each other all the time, but it still felt wrong not to do something on Valentine's day. Despite her inner feelings, Santana nodded, putting on a smile.
"Plus lots of kisses." She said, lifting Brittany's hand to her lips and kissing it. "Lots and lots of kisses." She looked at Brittany, grinning. "And now we're going to show how much we appreciate you four."
Brittany smiled wide, launching out of her chair at the same time as Santana and running round the table to trap the kids between them. They giggled madly as Brittany and Santana rained kisses on them, but then Kyler escaped, and as Santana tried to catch him she let Sophia and Jesús slip through as well, which then started a game of chase.
Santana stood back for a moment, watching Brittany chase the kids into the living room. Today had been eye opening for her. At lunch she'd realised that something was going on with Brittany, though for how long or how serious it was she wasn't sure, and more importantly, today had shown her that she and Brittany were becoming lazy in their marriage. Even though she knew this was happening because they were both incredibly busy and the past few months had been particularly overwhelming, Santana didn't want this to become their new normal.
She knew they had to fix it before it actually became a problem.
As she got ready for bed later that night, Santana was steeling herself for the conversation she knew she needed to have with Brittany. She sat on their bed, oiling her leg absently and staring at the floor, trying to figure out how to say what she needed to say. Every scenario she came up with ended with Brittany in tears and the thought broke her heart, but she couldn't hide anymore. She couldn't pretend it wasn't an important conversation, she couldn't give anymore excuses. This secret was poisoning her marriage, so she needed to come clean.
Brittany walked in, sighing heavily. Santana's stomach tensed. She dropped her leg and stood up to face her.
"I found space in the fridge for the food." Brittany said, crawling onto the bed. "But that cake is too big. We're going to have to eat it for breakfast, maybe take some to Quinn and Puck, cause there's no space in the fridge and it's going to go bad."
"Okay." Santana nodded.
Brittany settled into bed, pulling the duvet over her stomach.
"What's up?" She asked when Santana continued to stand there.
Santana licked her lips, the voices in her head fighting each other as they often did in high school with matters concerning Brittany. She wanted to just tell Brittany the truth about not wanting a baby, but she was so scared of hurting her, so scared of Brittany reacting badly, that the words felt stuck in her throat.
"Santana?" Brittany sat up. "What is it?"
Santana took a breath. "I…." She exhaled, closing her eyes. "Please don't hate me." She whispered.
"What?" Brittany asked alarmed. Santana heard her moving but couldn't open her eyes. "Hate you, what are you talking about?"
Santana opened her eyes slowly. Brittany was kneeling in front of her, frowning heavily.
"We need to talk."
Brittany sat back on her heels and nodded.
"Is this about today?" She asked.
"Yeah…kind of…" Santana swallowed thickly, the anxiety in her stomach making her feel like she might throw up. "Today I realised-"
"Wait." Brittany gently pressed her hand against Santana's stomach, looking down.
"What?"
"I…I should tell you."
Santana frowned. "Tell me…?"
"You shouldn't ask." Brittany said, climbing off the bed, still looking down. "I should tell you."
Santana felt her heart begin to pound in her chest. She bit her lip, fighting the urge to run out of the room. Brittany wanted to tell her she wanted a baby. She was going to have to hear the words and then refuse. She couldn't take that. She took a step back, shaking her head.
"No B don't-"
"I have to." Brittany said. "I should have a long time ago."
Santana shook her head again, taking another step back. Her chest felt tight, her breathing picking up like her lungs just couldn't expand to take in enough oxygen. She wanted to run out of the room, out of the house, to avoid hearing Brittany say the words.
"I…"
Santana shut her eyes, turning away from Brittany.
"I don't like Malek."
Santana's eyes popped open. She took a moment to make sure she had heard the right thing, but even after several seconds, her brain couldn't make sense of it. She turned to Brittany.
"What?"
"I'm sorry." Brittany said. "I know I don't know him that well and he's been great for you and this album-"
"Wait." Santana held both hands up, stopping Brittany. "You're talking about Malek right now?"
"Yeah. I know you picked up on it after what I said at lunch, and I'm sorry I said that. I don't know why I did…" Brittany said quietly.
Santana was beginning to catch up with the sudden change in direction their conversation had taken. The tension left her body as she remembered Brittany's comment about Malek at lunch, and Santana's realisation that she may be jealous of Malek.
"Right." She said, her brain now properly caught up. "Yeah…" She stepped closer to Brittany again. "Why don't you like him?"
Brittany shrugged. "It's…I guess it's not really him I don't like. It's your relationship with him."
Santana frowned. "I don't have a relationship with him."
"Of course you do Santana." Brittany scoffed. "He's your drummer and your music director and he's cool and fun-"
"So?"
"So you pretending you don't like him doesn't change that."
"Of course I like him." Santana said confused. "If I didn't like him he wouldn't be working for me."
"You know what I mean." Brittany rolled her eyes.
"I also like Lucas. Do you have a problem with Lucas?"
"No."
"So what's different about Malek?" Santana asked.
"I don't know." Brittany shook her head.
Santana narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest.
"What am I supposed to do with that Brittany?"
"I don't know." Brittany threw her hands up, letting out a frustrated breath. "I don't know Santana. He just…I feel…I feel weird when I know you guys are together and seeing all the tabloids and articles just…pisses me off."
"Tabloids." Santana said slowly. "Britt you know the tabloids are bull."
"I do, I know." Brittany nodded.
"You shouldn't let them get to you." Santana said gently. "I don't."
"Oh I know."
"What does that mean?"
"It means you haven't exactly been going out of your way to disprove the rumours."
"That I'm having an affair?" Santana laughed. "It's stupid."
"It's not funny." Brittany snapped. Santana stopped laughing, taking in the anger in Brittany's eyes. She dropped her crossed arms, her head tilting up slightly.
"Do you think I'm having an affair with Malek?"
"No."
Santana studied Brittany closely.
"Then what's the problem?"
Brittany sighed in exasperation, sitting heavily onto the bed. Her head dropped into her hands and she shook her head.
"I don't know."
"Hey." Santana sat beside her, gently rubbing Brittany's back. "Just talk to me." Brittany slowly turned to face her, her eyes sad and vulnerable. "Just talk to me."
"You guys are intimate-"
"We're not-"
"Emotionally."
Santana went silent, thinking. She supposed she could see where Brittany was coming from. Malek had watched her crying, pouring her heart out for months.
"Okay…" She said, nodding. "Yeah you're right."
Brittany took a ragged breath, like she was fighting tears. "And I know this album has been hard for you Santana, and he's been helping you get it out and work through it but…I don't like that it's him. I just feel like for him it's more than work."
"It's not!" Santana cried, feeling frustrated. "You were there once Britt you saw how we are."
"Yeah." Brittany nodded. "Exactly."
Santana frowned, removing her hand from Brittany's back. "Wait you're saying seeing us together made you suspicious of him?"
"He doesn't seem to like me very much."
"Oh my god." Santana sighed, standing up again.
"I think he enjoys the intimacy Santana, even if it's just work for you."
"Brittany come on."
"No, you come on." Brittany pointed at her. "Why did he have to lock everyone else out?"
"So I didn't get distracted."
"Or…" Brittany stood up, "because he wants to be alone with you."
Santana threw her head back, wiping her face with her hands.
"Think about it-"
"No." She dropped her hands, getting angry. "I've had to put up with you dancing with a variety of different men over the years."
Brittany shook her head. "It's not the same."
"How in the world is it not the same?"
"Dancing with them was my job."
Santana laughed mirthlessly, shaking her head.
"It's not-"
"Funny, no it's not." Santana looked down at Brittany. "You're saying I had to be okay with you dancing with men, shirtless, sweaty men, when you were also shirtless and sweaty, had to watch them hold you and look intensely into your eyes, and be okay with it, because it was your job, but me and Malek is somehow not okay? And let's not forget that you are bi Brittany, I'm gay. Fully gay. So you should have more of an issue with Jade, than with Malek, who is in fact a man."
"Well I was never all over magazines."
Santana sighed. "I'm sorry about that. I am. I understand how annoying that is for you, and I didn't think you cared before but now I'm going to do better okay? I'll stop teasing the paparazzi and making a joke of it."
"But you're still going to work with him?"
Santana's eyes widened. "You want me to fire him?"
Brittany looked down at her lap, her fingers playing together.
"Brittany." Santana sat back down, trying to catch Brittany's eyes. "You just said you trust me more than anyone."
Brittany nodded.
"But you want me to fire him? "
Brittany didn't speak for a while. Santana watched her stare at her fingers, her lips pressed tight together. If ever there was a moment she wished she could read Brittany's mind it was now. There was clearly something going through her mind, she wouldn't even look at Santana. When Santana couldn't take it anymore, she placed her hand over Brittany's.
"Brittany."
Brittany's eyes fell closed slowly.
"Yes." She said in a whisper.
Santana's eyes narrowed. She pursed her lips and stood up.
"Well." She shrugged. "I'll tell you what you told me every time I said I hated one of your dance partners." Brittany finally looked up, her eyes watery. "It's just dancing. Well now….It's just music."
She held Brittany's gaze for a few seconds, then with a disappointed headshake, walked out.
So much for fixing things.