Victims
Danny Bilson was not the only victim in the Smiler episode as is evidenced by the conversations the viewers did not hear.
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There's an isolation… a sense of loneliness, for lack of a better word, that settles into your heart and takes root. It's quiet and usually not intrusive, but when it festers for reasons you can't explain, it twists and chokes your heart and soul like a wild vine invading an unsuspecting garden. Over time the beauty of the garden surrenders and all that's left are the brown, dead remnants of stems and leaves. No fruit, no flowers, no sweet aromatic scents… just the invasive vine that continues to creep along, searching out its next victim. ~ Kid Curry
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Kid Curry sat on a rock on the bank of a softly flowing river that wound its way through a thick forest. Sunlight flickered down through the leaves and branches and touched the water in a shimmering display of sparkles. Birds flitted about from one branch to another loudly chirping a springtime mating call.
Kid picked up a small stone and studied the shape and contours, then positioned it skillfully between his thumb and finger and gave it a thrust, sending it skipping over the water four times before sinking to the bottom of the river.
Three weeks had passed since Kid and Hannibal Heyes had left Matherville where Danny Bilson now lay buried in the church cemetery with an etched headstone declaring him an honorable citizen of high standing and moral conviction, a stark contrast to the shallow, unmarked desert grave of Seth Meyers.
Neither Kid nor Heyes knew anything of the elaborate funeral or choice gravesite for Bilson. Nor would they care. But Danny's death weighed heavily on Kid Curry. Bilson was not the first man Kid had killed in a fair fight and would likely not be the last. Kid accepted this fact without guilt or remorse. Death was a part of life and the Kid had experienced enough death in his lifetime to be hardened to this inevitable truth.
It was the circumstances that weighed heavily on the shoulders of Kid Curry. From the moment he had been roused from a drunken stupor inside the cave somewhere in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains and had been told by his partner that Bilson had run off with all their gold, as well as their horses, mules, and canteens, Kid Curry knew what the final outcome would be, and from that moment on, only two things mattered to him.
Recovering their stolen gold was inconsequential. Getting himself, his partner, and Seth safely across the desert was his first priority. The second was seeing that justice was done, and Danny Bilson was the means to that justice.
To Kid, Seth's death was Kid's failure, and this weighed more heavily on his shoulders than Danny's demise. At the time of Seth's death, Kid had not allowed himself to mourn or even consider the possibility that he and Heyes might hold any accountability. Bilson had expected them all to die out there in the desert which, at the time, laid all the blame directly on Danny Bilson.
But now, three months after Seth's death and three weeks after Bilson's demise, Kid found himself drowning in a sea of guilt and remorse.
As Kid and Heyes had ridden out of Matherville, they had spoken of Kid's gunfight with Bilson and by the end of that day, Heyes believed his partner had come to terms with killing Bilson. But as the days passed, Heyes had seen his partner growing increasingly quiet and withdrawn. Twice he had cautiously broached the subject of Danny Bilson and each time Kid had assured him that he believed Bilson's death was justified and, being as it was a fair fight, he harbored no guilt or even remorse. With Kid offering no additional insight, Heyes quickly decided to let the subject die, but resolved himself to keep a close watch on his partner.
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Kid skipped another stone across the water and didn't hear his partner's approach until Heyes was no more than ten feet behind him. In an instant, Kid had turned with his gun drawn, ready to put a quick end to a predator's approach.
"Just me, Kid," Heyes said with a calm voice, but hands raised to the height of his shoulders.
"How many times do I hafta tell you not to walk up to somebody from behind without identifying yourself? One of these days Heyes, I'm likely gonna shoot you."
Heyes smiled as he sat down on a rock next to his partner. "Sorry. I'll try to remember that the next time."
They sat quietly for a few minutes looking out on the water as it rippled over rocks and creating a soft sort of music to the ears.
"Fire's built and coffee's brewing. I ain't started supper yet," Heyes said as he picked up a small stick from the ground and began pealing off the bark. "I figured you was taking a bath, you've been down here so long."
"Kid shook his head. "Just enjoying the quiet."
Heyes frowned slightly and raised his eyes to look out at the water. "Enjoying the quiet or brooding?"
Kid's head turned sharply. Catching the movement from the corner of his eyes, Heyes looked at his partner and met blue eyes that revealed far more than the Kid intended.
"I see," was all that Heyes replied both knowingly and empathetically.
Kid picked up another stone and gave it a toss that skimmed it over the water five times. "You think about dying?" he asked quietly.
Heyes again looked out at the river. "I try not to for the most part but yeah, sometimes I guess."
They were both again silent for some time; Kid deciding whether to put words to his thoughts and Heyes feeling some relief that his partner was doing just that.
"He shouldn't have died," Kid said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Danny? He deserved what he got," Heyes said, surprised that Kid was still dwelling on something he thought had been resolved.
Kid shook his head. "Not Danny. Seth."
"Oh," Heyes replied having never considered Seth as the source of Kid's dark mood. "I think even Seth knew he wouldn't make it through the desert. He said as much before we even started out."
"That's just it. He shouldn't have tried to make it across that desert, and we shouldn't have expected him to try."
"Kid, we're not our brother's keepers."
"No, but maybe we should be, especially when someone's old and tired like he was."
"So, are you going to go through the rest of your life carry the guilt of Seth's death on your shoulders? It's not your burden to carry. Danny is responsible for that, not me, and not you."
Kid listened to his partner and wanted to find absolution in Heyes' words but wanting absolution and actually finding absolution do not necessarily go hand in hand.
"I thought killin' Danny would avenge Seth's death, but it didn't. Killin' Danny didn't get any of us any closer to…"
"The money?" Heyes asked.
"Restitution."
"Is that what you're looking for? Restitution?"
Kid's head slowly began to nod and Heyes smiled.
"Lemme ask you this. If you hadn't killed Danny, where would we all be right now?"
"What do you mean?"
"Let's start with Danny. If you hadn't killed him, where would he be right now?"
"In Matherville operating his saloon."
"Uh-uh, and where would Seth be?"
"Still buried in the desert."
"And where would we be?"
Kid shrugged. "I don't know. Not in Matherville. Maybe where we are right now, right here."
Heyes nodded. "So, killing Danny or not killing Danny wouldn't have made a lick of difference to you, me, or Seth, right? The three of us would all still have experienced the same outcome."
"I s'pose so."
"And what is restitution?"
"It's just… paying someone back for something that was lost or stolen."
"Uh-uh. You and me lost out on our share of the gold and Seth…. Seth lost his share of the gold and his life. Killing Danny really was restitution Kid, for you, me, and most importantly for Seth. So, in a way, you really were Seth's keeper. You made sure that old timer didn't die in vain."
"Alright, let's say all that's true, he still died all alone with nothing but the buzzards swarming overhead."
"He died the way he wanted to die. He walked out into that desert of his own accord. He died with the dignity of choice and control. Blaming yourself for Seth's dying just robs him of those choices, and taking those choices away just steals his dignity."
"So, you're saying everything played out just the way it was supposed to?"
Heyes nodded. "I think it did. Everything except the guilt you're trying to saddle on your shoulders. The only one that deserved the burden of guilt was Danny. Even in death, you empowered Seth because Danny not only died but he died by his own doing. He could have walked away with everything. Instead, he ended up with nothing. Seth died with dignity. Danny died in a pool of blood-soaked shame."
Kid nodded. "Everything you've said is true but… but I still keep thinking about the morning we started out. Seth was saying he'd never make it across the desert, and I told him a man can do a whole lot more than he thinks he can if he's got a good enough reason. Seth thought I was talking about the gold, but I wasn't."
"No, you were talking about Danny."
Kid nodded. "Maybe…. Maybe in the long run the gold just weren't a good enough reason for Seth any more than it was for us."
"I think you might be right about that. In fact, I'm sure you are."
Kid's blue eyes looked at his partner. "I feel like I've been drowning in a river so wide I can't see the shore on either side."
"I knew something was eating away at you," Heyes said.
Kid nodded and again looked intently at his partner. "You just threw me a rope. Thank you."
"So you gonna be able to swim to shore now?"
Kid nodded. "Might take me a little time. I've been treading water for a long time, but I'll get there."
Heyes stood and patted his partner on the shoulder. "I'll go start supper. You might want to reconsider that bath."
Kid laughed. "I'll give it some thought."
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Author's Note: I took the liberty of giving Seth a last name.