Hi everyone! Getting to the final stretch now! I've enjoyed writing this story, though it's been so much harder for me than Hurt in the Words for some reason. Namely, life amped back up big time when I started this one – I appreciate everyone's patience, nudges, encouragement and reading/reviewing this story! Here we go – I'm nervous for this one. Enjoy lol~

-Mac

Chapter 15

It was the big day. His wedding day. Booth sat on the edge of his bed, his breathing coming in quick little bursts. This was it. This was what he had spent so long dreaming of. This moment. A day like this. And it was finally here.

At the end of this day, he'd have a wife.

Hannah Burley.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as his mind raced with all that that meant.

Hannah Booth. That's who he'd go home with tonight. Hannah Booth. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands, pulling at his hair in frustration.

He forced his mind to trace their love story. Afghanistan. Last year. Catching a mischievous glint in those icy blue eyes and knowing she was someone that he wanted to keep an eye on. She seemed intent on finding good stories, even at her own risk. So he kept her close. She seemed completely attracted to him the moment they laid eyes on each other. And she didn't hide it.

After the intense rejection he'd felt just a few months earlier, he felt drawn to that open flirtation – like a moth to a flame. They'd slept together on the first date – moved quickly. It had felt animal. Intense. Passionate. His heart had swelled as he'd ridden the wave – halfway around the world from his life, from his heartbreak, from his partner, from his bruised ego, from… from everything. He'd gotten lost in the happy bliss that was requited love and affection. He'd seen someone he liked. Someone kind and soft. Someone smart and driven. Someone gorgeous and funny. He'd liked her.

And she'd liked him back.

That had been all it took to take him from a whirlwind romance to this moment. This day right now. She'd liked him back and now they were getting married in a few hours.

Because she'd said yes.

What was wrong with him? He felt, honestly, on the verge of a heart attack. His breathing issues were driving him crazy. Why could he never catch a breath? The doctor had said that it was panic attacks. Sweets had ventured that it was from all the change in his life happening all at once.

He looked at the clock on his bedside table. Jared and Pops would be here in an hour. He'd have to start getting ready. In three hours, he was getting married.

He was getting married.

He was getting married.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus on those early days. Hannah. Soon to be Hannah Booth. Falling in love. Making love in a faraway place. Moving on. Giving away his heart. She'd kept it safe. She'd returned his feelings. For once, someone had not broken his heart. It had been the most welcome change of pace.

Hannah.

He begged his mind to think about his fiancée – his soon to be wife. To think about Hannah.

Why, when he closed his eyes, did another history dance in the darkness, on the edges of his brain. Why was it another set of stunning blue eyes that shook him to his core? Why were these moments taking over his mind?

Ice skating with her.

Going undercover in Vegas.

Opening up to her about some of his most painful memories.

Dancing with her in a bar in the middle of nowhere.

Driving in California.

That look they shared when they cracked a case wide open.

Her shattered expression when her father came back into her life only to drive away. His assurances that there was more than one kind of family.

Sitting in a pottery class as part of therapy with Sweets.

Joining the circus together. Sort of. The knives… her trust…

Jasper.

Mistletoe.

That Christmas tree outside of prison.

Kissing her until he felt breathless.

Saving her from Kenton, one of the most gut-wrenching moments in their entire history. How tortured he felt for the longest time, over his carelessness in that situation – and what it had almost led to. How tightly she'd held onto him.

How she cried in the car after that Eames case, spilling her heart, opening up about feelings that just… that he just couldn't bear to hear right now because he'd moved on. He'd moved on.

Dammit! He'd moved on! Bones had broken his heart and he'd found someone else to give it to. Someone who'd wanted it. Who wanted him.

I have to move on.

And he had. He'd moved on. And this was right. He loved Hannah.

He wanted to build a life with her. Have a family.

He loved Hannah.

He needed to stop thinking about Bones. About the fact that since the other night, he was crazy worried about her. Someone had grabbed her and she'd been hurt.

And he'd left.

He'd walked away. He'd been assured she was fine. Angela told him so. Bones herself in her message had told him so. But… her message…

I feel great so don't worry about me at all. Enjoy this special moment in your life. You deserve all the happiness in the world, Booth.

He'd felt relief when the message had first come through. Her reassurance she was fine, her words of support for his big day… things would be okay. They'd… they'd be okay.

But as the day had worn on, he'd felt more unsettled by the message. Something about it…

Something about it sounded a lot like goodbye.

He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped his hair in frustration. He needed to get a grip.

Bones was someone he'd loved once upon a time. And this feeling. This was anxiety and cold feet because this was no small promise he'd made.

He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. He was a man of honor, a man of his word. He was Seeley Booth. When he made a promise, he kept it.

So today… he was getting married.

He slid to the floor, burying his face in his hands. He wanted to cry.

Today, he was getting married.

B*B*B*B**B*B*B*B*B**B*B*B**B*B*B*B

Brennan hung up the phone with the restaurant, confirming her reservation for 1pm. Far away from this place and more specifically, not at the wedding of her partner.

It killed her not to go. Aside from the fact that she knew she couldn't with such gut-wrenching clarity, she also knew how much it would hurt him to have her not show up for his big day. And the thought of hurting him nearly suffocated her.

No matter the painful parts of their history, they were partners. They'd been partners for more than six years. That meant something. To Booth, that meant everything. And… they'd been friends. Best friends, even. Their friendship felt long gone now. But… it was there, in her memory. In her warmest recollections of snowy walks, long talks, drinks at Founding Fathers, pie at the Royal Diner, giggles at inside jokes, shared, knowing looks –

Talking to Booth had always felt like just about the easiest thing in the whole world. With him, she got the truth. And they'd had to work to understand each other. And they had. They'd put in the work, and they'd gotten so far.

Today, it would kill her to watch him marry Hannah. She just couldn't do it. She knew that Hannah was who he loved and who he belonged with. She knew he'd found himself the perfect woman for him; that his feelings for her had been mere attraction mixed with friendship.

It hadn't been love for him.

But it had been love for her. It still was. All she had now was a new beginning. Without Booth. Because after today, they were done. He'd be angry and hurt that she hadn't come. Maybe even end their partnership. And if he didn't, she would.

She hoped that he'd have a wonderful time and not give a second thought to her whereabouts. She hoped he had a special day, surrounded by family, friends and his own new start. She hoped it would be perfect and that he'd leave for his honeymoon on top of the world.

It would lessen the weight of this newest shift in their status.

Friends.

Partners.

Nothing.

If he had everything he'd ever wanted then surely her absence in his life wouldn't matter too much.

She hoped. And she feared.

She wanted him to be happy. But imagining him being truly happy, having all of his dreams come true as she exited his life – it felt like her worst fears realized.

Because he'd told her they were family. Her own family had exited her life. And returned. But still. They'd exited. She'd been uprooted and forced to figure out the world on her own – and boy what a job she'd done. She could never read people, her social awareness was severely lacking. She was only good at bones.

She felt like she'd come so far, with Booth by her side. And now…

She relearned an old lesson and it shattered her heart into a million pieces.

Family was not forever. Family left.

Everyone around her was creating a new family. And she…

… she was back at the beginning.

Alone.

B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B

Knock, knock.

Dammit, why was he here?

He just needed to see.

Knock, knock!

Where was she?

"Bones?"

After what felt like forever – but had actually only been about one minute – the door opened and on the other end stood his partner, wearing gray sweats, her eyes taking him in with shock.

"Booth. What are you—"

He walked past her, right into her apartment. Nervous energy was coursing through him. He could barely sit still from the moment he'd woken up. His mind was reeling and he just… he needed to settle everything. He needed to see her. And then he needed to leave and go get married.

Dammit, why was he here?

"I'm sorry. I know. I… you weren't expecting me, and I just came over unannounced."

"—on your wedding day," she added.

He looked around. God, when was the last time he'd been over here? He used to come here all the time. Paperwork, Thai…

He turned toward her and took a deep breath and finally, one caught and his lungs filled.

Bones closed the door and took a step toward him. "Are you okay?" she asked after a long moment.

He stared at her – right into her eyes, that shade of blue he'd never seen before. The last time he'd seen her, she'd been shaken up. And she'd looked to be in a little bit of pain.

"Are you?"

She furrowed her brow. "Am I what?"

He closed his eyes and released a breath. "Okay." He looked back up at her intently. "Are you okay?"

"Booth, I don't understand—"

"The other night. I'm sorry I left. That guy, he knocked you out and… and I need to know if you're okay."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I told you I was. I texted you."

"But…" He ran a hand through his hair and found his breaths coming out quicker. "Someone came after you. And you were scared. I know you were."

She nodded. "It was a publicity stunt. There was no real danger."

"You didn't know that. And I didn't know that. And he still managed to hurt you." He clenched his jaw at the memory – of that entire awful night.

"Well," she said, dropping her arms and opening her hands wide. "As you can see, I'm fine. It was really nothing. So… you can go back to getting ready."

He took a step until he was right in front of her. "Why didn't you tell me, Bones?"

She searched his eyes, and in hers he could see the questions and the concern. "Tell you what?"

"About the signing. Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Oh," she said, looking down for a moment. "I knew that it was the same day as your rehearsal dinner. What would have been the point? Besides… these things have nothing to do with our partnership. It probably didn't make sense that I used to expect you to come to those."

"You know why I came to those. You've had fans that have written you threatening letters. Who've tried to follow you to your car. You had a fan once try to cop a feel—"

"—and I took care of him myself. I do know self-defense."

"I know you do."

"I can handle attending my book signings. Why… why do you care? I'm struggling to understand, Booth, why this matters. And… and why this matters today."

"Because you used to come to me with things that unsettled you. You let me in. And I had your back. Just like you had my back. And I know that you were able to enjoy the events more when I was there, because you didn't have to worry about busting out self-defense. You could let your guard down and just… sign. Be an author."

"Okay," she said slowly. "I don't know what to tell you, Booth. I had a signing on a night you had a wedding thing."

"And you should've been there," he said, dropping his gaze to the floor.

"I…" she took a step back and turned away from him for a moment before facing him again. "Booth, why are you here?"

He shook his head sadly. "Because I needed to see if you were okay."

"I'm okay, Booth. Go home."

"Bones—"

"You have a lot to do today, and you need to leave. You… you're falling into old habits of feeling like you need to protect me. Feeling like you need to check in on me. Look after me. But you don't, Booth. Things have changed and it's okay. I'm okay. As you can see, I am completely fine. No harm was done to me."

He walked over to her couch and collapsed into it, folding his body forward.

"Booth – you're making me nervous. What is going on? Are you okay? Because you don't look okay."

He shook his head. "I'm not okay, Bones."

She paused and when he looked up, he saw her eyes looking wide and lost. "Do you need me to call someone? Hannah?"

He shook his head. "I'm having a panic attack. I've been having one since I woke up." He dropped his head forward again and ran his hands together. "I feel like I've been having one for months, honestly."

"I'm sorry, Booth. I… I don't know what to say. You never mentioned it. Maybe a leave from work would've helped. You have a lot going on between our caseload and the wedding."

He squeezed his eyes closed as a tear escaped. He wasn't crying but his emotions felt like they were just spilling over, into every nerve-ending. "I can promise you that if we'd had a break from working cases, this problem would've been a lot worse."

"That can't be true," she said. "We work in possibly the most stressful field there is."

"I don't know why that is, but I know that it's true."

She sat down next to him and put a hand on his back. "What can I do? I feel like I should call Hannah. She'll know what to do." Her voice was raspy and quiet and… something else. Something he could not put his finger on. He hated that he couldn't read her anymore, figure out what she was thinking, feeling, going through.

"No," he said firmly. Because he didn't want her to call Hannah. At the thought of Hannah, guilt coursed through him. It was his wedding day and he was at Bones's apartment.

Why was he here?

He stood up like a caged animal – waiting for the panic attack to stop. He'd noticed that he'd never had one around Bones before. This was a first. He honestly couldn't believe that it hadn't faded since he'd arrived.

But why was he here?

He stopped and looked at her and his guilt made way for anger. He was angry. Because this is what he wanted. This day. And it wasn't supposed to be like this.

"I'm mad at you," he whispered, the words shocking him to his core. If she was shocked, she didn't show it. She just waited for more. And more came. It came pouring out. "I was doing fine before that car ride. I was happy. I was on this path with Hannah. Making plans. I was in love and you had to choose that time to open up and tell me you had feelings for me. I was doing just fine before you did that!"

He was yelling now. Panting. And my god, it was true. He was mad at her. And he'd been trying to keep their status quo going strong, but it was hard because he was. He was mad.

Her eyes filled with tears and she still said nothing. She just sat there on her couch, looking up at him. Waiting for more.

"You got in my head, Bones. And that wasn't fair! It's not… I don't understand why you did that to me!"

A tear escaped her eye and she made no move to wipe it. Still, she said nothing.

"I know what I want. You're the one who couldn't figure it out in time. You're the one who wasn't ready when I was ready. I'd been ready to give you the world, and you turned me down. You broke my heart. And you decided to run halfway across the world. You never wrote to me. And I found someone. And when I was finally happy, you… you messed with my head! Because I used to look for any sign that you felt the way I felt. I used to take anything I could get from you and those moments – all of those moments in our history, they gave me hope. That's what I lived off of for years. And you finally said what I'd needed to hear. You finally offered me what I'd been dying to have. And you did it when I was happy with someone else. And I am… I'm mad at you!"

She deflated into the cushions and finally took a breath. Had she taken a breath the entire time he'd been talking? God, he had no idea. After a moment, she buried her face in her hands. She was crying.

What had he done – why had he dragged himself over here? He'd been trying for the past few weeks to save their relationship and in the last two minutes, he possibly killed it completely. What had he done?

He didn't even remember moving, but he found himself on his knees in front of the couch. "Bones. I'm sorry. I… I don't know where any of that came from. I… I honestly don't."

And he didn't. He'd never thought he was mad at her. But standing here, in this room, thinking of all the changes they were going through and how all the change made him feel constantly on the brink of his sanity – he felt like it didn't have to be that way. And for a moment, anger coursed through him. Because that moment in the car…

It changed everything.

But… he'd gambled first.

He'd gambled on them.

"I'm so sorry, Bones," he whispered, his voice raw with emotion.

"Just leave, Booth," she begged. When he didn't move, she stood up. "Go!"

And he wanted to stay. He couldn't leave it like this.

"Let's go, big brother—" a new voice cut in.

He turned and saw Jared standing in the doorway. "I can't leave right now," he said in a panic. He looked at Bones. She looked crushed. Honestly crushed.

He'd come in here and just… he'd done this. He couldn't leave.

But he could hear her telling him to go and before he knew it, his brother was escorting him out.

Because he had to go home.

Because he was getting married today.