I am SO sorry for the massive delay-my longest yet! And right near the end – but THANK YOU for the nudges and reminders that this story still has readers who want a resolution! Your kind words are the biggest motivation I could ever ask for. Life has been trying to swallow me up but I'm still chipping away when I can. I think there is just one more after this! Thanks for bearing with me! – Mac
Chapter 17
Brennan got out of her car at the bed and breakfast – ten minutes early for her reservation. When she'd first started working at the Jeffersonian – and a long time before she'd ever worked with the Bureau – she would come here to write. The B&B sat on the DC coastline, and it was a quiet hole in the wall spot.
Out here, she had no cell phone service and that suited her just fine today. She didn't want anyone to call her and ask where she was. She didn't want anyone to find her. She just wanted to be alone.
This place – Rose's Gables – was quiet today. She exhaled relief. No one would be bothering her. After everything… all the loss, the heartache… she needed to be completely alone.
"Temperance!" Rose Clairmont said, when she saw her walk into the small log-cabin styled establishment. "You haven't been this way in years! We've missed you," she said, pulling Brennan into a hug. She hugged her back and closed her eyes as the smell of fresh seafood and saltwater stirred a cozy nostalgia that made her feel safe right now.
"Hi Rose," she said, pulling back finally. "I'm sorry I haven't been this way lately. It's been… busy."
Rose laughed. She was an older woman, and the last few years hadn't changed her at all. Her silvery hair blew on the breeze, her wrinkles told tales of laughter and total contentment with her life. "Busy." She put her hands on her hips. "Writing one bestseller after another, working with the FBI to solve murders – I think 'busy' is a bit of an understatement, don't you?"
Brennan laughed. "Perhaps it is. But I should have made more of an effort. Between cases, anyway."
Rose led her to her lodge. "So… what brings you here, after all these years?"
Brennan sighed. "I just want to be on my own today."
Rose took a step closer to her and looked at her with deep concern. "You've been crying," she said.
Brennan didn't want to get into this. She didn't want to even think today. Not anymore. Not when her brain had been buzzing since the moment Booth left with all her regrets, anger, denial, sadness, and heartbreak.
Rose nodded slowly. "It's okay." She pulled the curtains wide, and the coast stretched before her, the view both lonely and hopeful. The room brightened up, though it was cold. Today was a frigid day, especially by the water. "It will be okay. Always. Things sometimes seem so bad but they will always be okay again."
Brennan took a seat and looked at Rose, one of her first friends when she moved to DC. "Do you remember when I came back from that dig in Indonesia? When we first met?"
Rose nodded. "How could I forget? You came in here looking like you'd seen a ghost. Or twelve. You looked… broken."
Brennan sat back in her chair as she pulled her sweater tighter around her. "I sat here all day. I'd been through something I couldn't put words to. Normally, I can compartmentalize incredibly well. But sometimes… I have trouble. And all my emotions hit me at once. And I can't do anything. I can't put it into words. I just need to be somewhere familiar. Somewhere far away from the reminders of, of everything. I've been through so much since that trip. I've seen worse. I've gotten back out on digs. I've seen the worst in humanity in my work. I thought I was past feeling that way ever again."
Rose waited. "But you're feeling it now?" she asked gently.
Brennan nodded. "Today, I had somewhere else to be. And this… this is where I decided to come. This is where I want to be."
Rose nodded. "No cell service. No email. You're hiding," she said with a small, knowing smile.
Brennan dropped her head and said nothing.
"You, my dear, are welcome to hide here any time. From life. From love. From… absolutely anything."
Brennan looked at her as tears sprung to her eyes. She felt overwrought with emotions right now. Booth's wedding would be starting in 20 minutes. She felt like she couldn't breathe.
I'm not okay, Bones… I'm having a panic attack. I've been having one since I woke up… I feel like I've been having one for months, honestly.
She tried to take a deep breath.
Church bells.
There would be church bells ringing. Any minute now.
Booth would be married.
Her heart raced and she took another steadying breath, closing her eyes. The breeze settled off the coast and into her lungs.
"I'm going to make you some tea to warm up," Rose said.
When she left, Brennan let the quiet settle around her. She was alone.
She was alone.
She was alone.
B*B*B*B*BB*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B**BB
Booth walked into the church. It was 20 minutes until his wedding, and he still felt like he could not breathe. His tux was in a dressing room in the groom's quarters. Jared was keeping it there. His brother was convinced he was having cold feet. That he was simply nervous because this was a big moment in his life.
But Booth needed to talk to Hannah. Because his feelings felt like they were killing him, suffocating him – literally. He meant what he'd told his brother. He had never expected Hannah to say 'yes' to his proposal. He'd been going through the motions and she'd surprised him. He'd been stupid and all of this… it was so unfair to Hannah. It didn't matter that she'd changed her mind and became the marrying type. It didn't matter that he'd expected a rejection so he could move on with his life. None of that mattered. What mattered was that right now… at this very moment… he felt like he could barely breathe. And he was fully aware that his partner was the only person in the world who made him feel like he could.
He didn't know what to do. He'd all but ruined his relationship with Bones. She seemed to be interested in his friend anyway. And they'd had their chance. It had been all wrong. For so many reasons. Their timing couldn't have been worse. His timing last year… and hers more recently.
He'd made a mess of everything. Because right now, he felt certain he didn't want to get married. He was anxious to tell that to Hannah and disappoint her. But he didn't know how he felt about anything else. He just knew that he needed to talk to Bones and try to rebuild their relationship. Right now, it was in pieces. And god, that was his fault. He'd blamed her.
But it was completely on him, the destruction that was their relationship.
He was the one who'd pushed her when she wasn't ready.
He was the one who'd moved on immediately.
He was the one who'd ignored her when he came back.
He was the one who'd pulled back from their friendship, keeping their relationship professional.
He didn't invite her to their rehearsal dinner.
He didn't stay with her when that guy had grabbed her.
Both times.
He'd blamed her for everything. He'd made her cry.
And he'd left… again. And he knew… they were done.
If he walked down this aisle, he might as well walk away from Bones forever. And in a flash, he knew…
… it was Bones. It would always be Bones.
He just had to talk to Hannah.
As he stepped closer to the bride's quarters, he heard her voice and his nerves kicked up a notch.
"What about that partner of his?" he heard Hannah's sister ask. "I would never trust Mason to work with a woman who looked like her! How can you just let him leave every day and go to her?"
"Don't worry," he heard Hannah say. "I don't think she'll be his partner much longer."
That stopped him. He was a step away from being seen, but he stopped. He shouldn't listen. He knew that. But… he couldn't help it. What did Hannah mean?
"I may have reached out to a forensic anthropologist in Montreal a month ago to see if he had any interest in switching places and liaising with the FBI. He was quite interested and said he'd reach out to Temperance to see what she thought. I gave him a few tips on how to talk to her. You know, lead with logic, mention that Booth will have a wife and kids soon and their work dynamic would change even more, so it was probably the perfect opportunity to make a change herself. That kind of thing."
"You did not," her sister said. "That's ballsy. Did he actually reach out to her? Did you talk to him again?"
"I called him last week. He said they did connect, and she said that after our honeymoon they could begin a transition. He said she welcomed the change, after he had used those conversation points."
"Well, good. You guys will start a family. And who needs a female friend lurking at birthday parties, looking all pretty and jealous?"
Hannah giggled. "Exactly. And honestly… she's a foster kid. I don't know what kind of weird games she'd teach our kids but no thank you to that. Today is the beginning of the end of those two and whatever their weird connection was that she can't seem to let go of."
"Let's drink to that!" her sister said happily.
And that… that was about all he could handle. His feet pushed him the rest of the way until he was standing in the doorway. Not in a tux. But in jeans and a gray t-shirt. Not looking like a man in love. But looking like a man on the edge.
When Hannah took him in, her smile disappeared in a split second. Her sister's face fell and she excused herself quickly.
"Seeley," she said, her shock apparent. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to see me…"
He shook his head. "You know… I thought this would be hard. But… it's going to be really easy."
She took a deep breath and held a pillow up in front of her, blocking his view of her wedding dress. "What is?"
"First… you've been trying to break up my partnership with Bones? Behind my back? You… you called someone to replace her?"
Hannah looked at the ground as heat rushed to her cheeks. "I can't believe you, Seeley. Listening in on me on our wedding day!"
"You tried to break us up? Move her to, what, Canada, and partner me up with some scientist. Did you expect me to just go with it? Do you think it's as simple as having someone with her skills?"
"I do. You've explained it. You need a forensic anthropologist and apparently… she's not the only one around."
"What else have you done that I don't know about?"
"Nothing," she said, shifting her eyes and looking around the room.
"I read people for a living and I know there's more. I will find out so tell me."
She rolled her eyes. "Nothing honestly. Just told Hacker to try to lessen your cases together while we prepared for our wedding. And I've told Temperance to only reach out if it's urgent because of how busy you are with the wedding. But none of that is a lie – you were completely invested in our wedding and the plans! Remember? Remember that, Seeley… when you wanted to get married and actually enjoyed planning this day? Our day? Today?"
He stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned away from her, anger boiling over. "You tried to get rid of my partner," he said again, quietly. His voice steady and fierce. "Because… because I told you what she said that day?"
Hannah nodded. "Bingo. And you know, I'm not exactly insane over here. There's not a woman on earth who'd be okay with her husband being work partners with someone who's in love with him!"
"So you decided to take matters into your own hands. Have this forensic anthropologist call her and make her think that I couldn't be bothered with her once I'm married. That I'd be yet another person to leave her. So… let her leave first. Is that right?"
"Seeley." She dropped the pillow and put her hands on her hips, her own anger showing now. "It's our wedding day and surprise, surprise, we are talking about Temperance Brennan. When it comes to her, all you do is sacrifice everything. You risked it all for her once and she hurt you. She broke your heart. You moved on and she of course decides that she loves you. I guess she couldn't stand to see you happy. Well – she sacrificed your chance at happiness in that one, selfish moment! And now… you could be happy. We could be happy. Have a family. Have a life together. And you're sacrificing it because you want her partnership. When will you ever realize that she's not worth the pain she brings you? You deserve better!"
"So… you're 'better', is that right? You're the happy ending that I deserve? Because last I heard, you have pulled me as far apart from the people I call 'family' as I ever have been."
"You didn't exactly fight me on it. When you ditched your friends and their nights out again and again, you got to have sex, Seeley. With me. Your choice. An obvious choice," she added with a small smile. "When we set the rehearsal dinner attendance list, you agreed. You want to put all this on me? You were right there the entire time."
"I know it," he said coldly. "I barely have a relationship with any of them right now. And believe me, I know that's on me."
She took a step toward him as a clock alarm went off. "Seeley," she said desperately. "That's the five minute warning. There are people out there. We're supposed to be getting married."
He took a step toward her, closing the distance between them completely. "That's not happening."
She laughed and looked livid. "What. Because you love her?"
He shook his head. "Because I don't love you."
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Jared stood at the front of the altar. Messing with people's lives was really not for him. This scheme was fun in the beginning, but he really didn't expect to end up here. At the church. With people looking at him. His brother was not in his tux. That much he knew. He had left to talk to Hannah.
He didn't know what to think. Seeley had seemed beside himself at his apartment. He clearly was in love with his partner, but his mind and heart hadn't quite figured it all out yet. But… they'd figured out enough. The man had complete, debilitating panic attacks… unless he was actually with his partner. His best friend.
He loved her. It was obvious. But… he cared about his fiancée enough to dread talking to her about not getting married. He'd told his brother he had to talk to Hannah. That he felt so torn and confused. He knew… if he saw her looking full of hopes and dreams – looking stunning… for him… he'd have a really hard time breaking it off.
So now… Jared didn't know what to do. What to expect. He'd done his best. But had it been enough? He'd made Seeley completely jealous, worried out of his mind, and given him every opportunity to be forced to face those feelings that he knew had never left to begin with.
Had it been enough?
One thing was for sure… he was done being a matchmaker. It was nerve-wracking. And honestly, he wasn't very good at it, if Tempe's concussion was any indication. This was it – his entire matchmaking career. And he had no idea if it had worked.
His phone buzzed and he looked down. He saw a text from his brother.
Can you call it off? Tell everyone to leave?
He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding and stepped forward. Angela looked at him nervously. Cam, Hodgins, Sweets... the whole crew. And then he made one of the easiest announcements of his life.
B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B**BB*
Booth leaned against a tree in the back of the church watching guests leave. He needed to talk to Bones. He knew this wasn't the place. He knew it wasn't even really the time. But he was desperate to talk to her. They had so much to sort through and figure out.
He saw Jake Roman walking to his car and his breath caught. He was taking Bones here today as a date. His stomach tightened and his heart skittered. But he didn't see Bones.
Finally, he saw Angela and all the squints. He didn't see Bones.
He watched Pops, Parker, and his whole family exit and go back to their cars. Hannah's whole family. He knew Hannah would lay low until everyone had left and then make her exit. From the church. From this town. From his life.
Where was Bones?
He finally caught sight of his brother, walking toward him. When he stood in front of him, he let out a low breath.
"Thank you, Jared," he said quietly. "I… this… thank you."
The muscle in his jaw worked as Jared nodded and never broke eye contact. "I've got you, man."
Booth nodded. "I know you do."
Jared looked out at the last people leaving. "She never came," he said quietly.
Booth's heart skittered again. "Bones—"
"She didn't come. I talked to Jake. He hasn't talked to her today. She wasn't home when he went to pick her up. Angela, Sweets, Cam… no one has talked to her. Her cell is going right to voicemail."
Booth looked at his brother. "I need to talk to her. I need to tell her—"
Jared nodded. "I know. We'll find her."
Booth felt something inside sink. After everything he'd done to bring about all of this unnecessary pain… he just needed to see Bones.
There may not be a chance to fix it. Any of it.
But my god… it was her.
It was her. It was always her.
He'd been so stupid to ever think – to make her think – that it could ever be anyone else.
How could anyone else ever touch his heart when he'd given it to her – and only her – from the start?
The church emptied and as the last car drove away, he walked through the vacant lot to his own car. His brother by his side, he got in and drove away from everything that had been tearing him apart from all that he held dear.