Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. All grammar mistakes are unfortunately mine.

Chapter 4

"Hello?"

"Hey B, what's up?" Al asks cheerfully. A bit too much if you ask me, even for her.

"Nothing. What do you need?" I ask, eyebrows slightly up.

"How do you know I need something? Maybe I'm just calling to see how you are. Can't a best friend do that?"

"Sure," I say, nodding into my phone. "But when you call, you usually need something. So...talk."

She snorts but says nothing. There is a pause until she finally continues.

"Okay, fine, you caught me. I kinda have a certain appointment today and I need your help."

"Sure. But...isn't it a bit too late for a doctor's appointment?" I look at my watch. It's 7:30 pm.

"Weeelllll..."

"Mary Alice Brandon," I warn. "What's wrong? What do you have under your sleeve?"

"Nothing's wrong...per se... just..."

"Well, you using the words 'per se' is kind of a big deal, so yes, I would say something is wrong. Did you hit your head or something? Is it a hemorrage...or a heart attack? Quick, who's our president?"

"Relax Bella, breathe... jeez, I'm fine. This is mostly about you anyway."

"Me?" I ask, momentarily confused.

"Yes, you. I'm worried about you B."

"Al, I'm fine. More than fine actually. I'm ...great." And full of shit.

She sighs heavily. Something Al never does.

"Al..."

"Bella. I have an appointment with a pshychic tonight and I want you to come with me. Right now. In twenty minutes actually."

Thousand thoughts ran through my mind, but the sound I let out even suprises me.

I let out a big snort and start laughing out loud. My tears start running out and my belly hurts from laughing this much. She lets me have it, waiting for me to stop.

Finally, I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Shit, I really needed that. That was funny as hell. Now stop joking around and tell me what's this really about."

"I'm not kidding Bella. She is one of the most famous psychic and I really had a hard time scheduling..."

I smirk. "So tell me this...how much are you paying her to tell you your fortune?"

"Not important. And I told you, this is not for me, it's for you. You really need to talk to someone."

I want to deny it all, I really do, but she's right.

"You keep saying that you're fine, but it's obvious you're not.

I see you Bella. How tired you get and anxious from day to day. Where your mind goes off to. Just how much you barely function. All you do is work and sleep. You didn't even meet Jasper yet, and he came all the way from NY to meet us both."

"Bullshit." I interrupt. "Sorry Al, but it's true. It's more than obvious he came to see you."

"Oh trust me, he did, multiple times, but that's not the point right now."

I can feel her grin over the phone, so I try to to change the subject. Al never was one of the people who had problems talking about her sexual conquests.

"Yeah? Do tell."

"Nice try, but we're talking about you right now. You need to let all those worries out. Madam Ziva says..."

I groan from embarrassment. "Al, please don't tell me you've been talking about me to that phony..."

"Hey! She's not a phony, and you would know that if you would bother to come with me. Which you will. I'm not taking no for an answer. So, choose now...you can talk to Madam Ziva, tonight, for a few minutes, for my sake or...I'm gonna tell Tanya to set you up with that douche James she's been badgering you for months. Your choice.

"Hey, that's not fair..."

"Your choice. Just know, I'm trying to look out for you."

I know she does. I just don't seem to care.

Okay, that was harsh.

Not that I don't appreciate the concern, I really do, it's just that...I've always kept my problems and my pain all to myself. Why be a burden to the only person who even understood me? Supported me and my life achievements when nobody would?

"Come on. Pleaseee. Five minutes, that's all I'm asking of you. Ten max."

I say nothing.

She's right. I know she is. These dreams for the past few months have been killing me.

Every time I dreamt, it would be about him.

When closing my eyes, everything was so on point, clear, exciting. The colors, the emotions, the smells...dear god the smells. It was all driving me crazy. It made me addicted, wanting to spend more time in fantasies than my shitty reality. Walking toward my bathroom mirror, no lie, I looked like shit. No wonder Al was embarrassed and disappointed in me. Worried as well it seems. When she talked about make up and changing up my hairstyle, I thought she was kidding, but hell, it seems I was wrong.

No more, no less.

" Fine. Five minutes at most. But that's it."

She squealed. Fucking squealed in my ear.

"You won't regret it B, I promise. See you in twenty. Wear something nice please. And by that I mean an actual to God jeans and a shirt. See you soon!"

I sigh as she hangs up. Well, this should be interesting.

I sigh again for the hundred time, looking at my watch. My nerves get the best at me.

Jeez, where is that woman? I look at my watch again. She's late.

"Stop twitching. Relax. You're making me nervous with your jumpy energy. She'll be right down."

"Sure." I snort.

It's 8:01 pm. Where the hell is she?

A yawn escapes my mouth and Alice looks at me, undecided.

She opens her mouth, but quickly closes it as a young looking girl approaches us.

"She's ready for you. Please come in."

"Thank you Jess. The same room as usual?"

She smiles. "Of course. You know the way."

"Damn straight. Oh! Say hi to Nick for me."

She giggles and even blushes a bit before turning her back on us.

"What was that all about?" I ask.

Alice says nothing, just pulls me in another direction.

"Come on, we must not be late."

"Yes ma'am." I mutter. "Wouldn't want that."

She gives me her famous bitch face.

We finally approach the door, knocking twice.

"Come in." She answers calmly. It's a warm sound, filled with calmness yet wisdom.

Taking a look as we enter the room is a bit surprising and overwhelming.

She does not look like I expected. She is not an old lady with a cane. She doesn't wear any old, smelly clothing, no crystal ball on her table or anywhere near her. It's a calming room with fresh colorful flowers, crystals all shapes and sizes, and many shades of green around us. And blue. And purple. It is all meshed up, yet, every time I look at each color, it is all so very calming. The music helps as well. I'm not nervous anymore.

On the contrary, there is a feeling of getting everything out of my chest.

"Told you." Alice whispers to me.

"It's not what you think. She really is the best. One look at her makes you pour out your every darkest, deepest desires, right?"

"No, not really."

"Liar."

I know, I think to myself.

"Please come in. Alice, I'm very glad you brought your friend with you. Now, what can I help you with?"

She looks very young, yet the way she speaks is very...old . Fortunately, or unfortunately - depending on your choice of words - she doesn't look a day older than me.

"How old are you?" I blurt out and she laughs. Her laugh is light and full of rainbows and sunshines. I kid you not. It causes me tingles and warmth inside my chest.

What the hell?

"My age is not really important right now, but if it makes you feel better, I'm 28."

So, only older by a few years.

"Only two or three years older than you, I know."

I frown, freaking out a bit.

"You reading minds as well?"

She laughs out loud.

"You're right Alice. She is funny. No filter whatsoever. I like it."

Al gives me a side hug. ''I know. She da best. Better than all the rest."

"Since when do you speak like that rapper...what's his name?"

"Shaggy?"

"No, the other one."

"Sean Paul," the psychic adds, confirming rather than asking.

"Sit down please." She asks politely.

We do as we're told.

"What seems to be the problem?" she asks, crossing her legs, a notebook in her hands.

It strangely feels like I'm here for judgement day.

"Are you a shrink or an actual psychic? Or both?"

For a moment, if feels weird that my mind and body was calmer when I knew her as a crazy lady rather than a shrink.

"Both. Neither. Take your pick."

"That's not an answer."

"Why do you need it then?"

I shrug. "Just do."

"If it completes you, you can choose. Which makes you less nervous?"

"Don't know."

She smiles knowingly. "I think you do."

"Such a shrinky answer to say."

"I don't think that's an actual word, but I'll take it. I was working as a shrink for a while, yes."

"What made you stop... Quit... Whatever you wanna phrase it."

She shrugs simply. "Didn't make me happy."

"So you just decided to quit, just like that?"

Another shrug. "Yes."

"So how did you know your business will work out?"

"I didn't. But this is not about me. Your friend here paid for my time, to help you out and yet, we are here discussing about my life instead the other way around. Is she always doing this?"

Alice nods quickly. "Absolutely. Never saw a more reserved person in my life."

I shrug nonchalantly. "Nothing to talk about."

"Not even about your...dreams? They sounded very exhausting." The question is sympathetic. Worried. Like a mother worrying over her child.

The sigh escapes out of my mouth, and it almost feels...good.

"Nothing too serious. I've been having these...dreams...nightmares... a few months now. They are very..."

"Vivid? In colors and smells? Exhausting yet vivaciously intriguing?"

I frown. How did she know that?

"Well...yes. Every time I dream, it's the same person, yet I have never met him, never really seen his face...but I feel this...this... presence of his. Every scene, every dream is different yet ...real. Sometimes I would wake up with tears in my eyes. The nightmares would exhaust me so much that, I would walk around like a zombie for the rest of the day."

"True that."

"Al, I love you, you know that, but... please stop talking like that."

She smiles. "Sorry. Can't help it."

"Hmmmm." Lady Ziva just says, writing something in her notebook.

"Can I ask, what brought out these dreams out?"

I snorted. "If I knew, I wouldn't be here now, would I?"

"True. But some kind of a trauma could have only triggered this. Any deaths in the family? Break ups? Car accidents?"

"Actually, she did break up with her boyfriend a few months ago. They were supposed to get married. Then she discovered she was being cheated on from the beginning. Multiple times.

"Alice!"

"What? Sorry, but she needed to know. You keep saying you're okay, when it's obvious you're not."

"Well, I am."

"Sorry for the interruption, but your friend is right. You might have practiced how to control your emotions well over time, and show people what they want to see, but you are not okay Bella. What you're currently experiencing is a re birth. A soul's calling if you will. You might still struggle with it. On a daily bases."

"Get to the point doc, your time is running out," I say, looking at the clock.

She smiles knowingly.

"You're feeling uncomfortable every day, the clarity you seem to develop from your day to day life is not the same it was months ago. People seem to shy away from you, or the other way around- you do that more and more often, even from the people you most care about- including your friend here. You just want to be by your self constantly. The way you spend your time has completely changed. The shows on tv don't concern or interest you anymore. You don't have a sense for time anymore. Everything is just...a blur.

You only live for solitude. You think it's just depression and that it will never fade, but let me tell you. It will. And on the contrary, it has nothing to do with the depression. What you are experiencing is called awakening. Your soul is finally waking up and taking over. You have memories and visions of things that never happened to you, yet you know it has or will in the future.

So...how am I doing so far?"

Damn. She's right about all of it.

"Good," I grumble.

She smiled gently. "Let me ask you this Bella...do you believe in past lives?

I shrug. "I guess I was always fascinated by them, but...I don't know."

She nods. "That's okay. Everybody has they own choice in what to believe in. We all have a choice, and I'm not here to tell you what is, or is not true. You can choose to walk out out of here and believe what I'm saying is the truth, or think I'm some crazy cat lady and never return. In any case, I hope I helped you tonight in some way."

"What's with the dreams? Did you ever have them?" I ask, curious.

"Yes. And no. Not quite like yours. It seems like who ever you're dreaming about is trying to reach you, but has no ability to, so they pull you into the 5d.

I believe the correct phrase for this is called 'lucid dreaming'. You're meant to know all of these past memories, so when you finally meet, you can start over again, and complete the karma that is unfinished."

"How can I do that when I don't even know who he is? I don't even..." then I stop, because that is not completely true.

I do know him. His smell. His voice. His soul. What he would say, what he would feel like to touch. How it would set my body on fire. Slowly and effortlessly. Inch by inch. Tingle by tingle. It would start from my roots, to the nose, eyes, bottom lip. Oh those tiny little fiery tingles, filled with pure, unadultered desire. How I envy for that feeling again.

I touch my lips in desire and remembrance.

Shaking my head, I try to come back.

A knowing smile. "I think you do. My advice? Not to get too overwhelmed. Don't go home and do a crazy ass research like me. It will drive you crazy. Trust me. Take it slow. One step at a time."

Patient? Me? That word doesn't exist in my vocabulary.

She laughs lightly, reading my expression.

"I know, I know, that's the last thing you want to do right now. But please, be patient. If you need to do research, do it one step at a time. Don't be me. Don't go batshit crazy. Don't obsess. Take a deep breath and decide tomorrow. One day at a time. Of course, you don't have to do anything I tell you, but I know that's the advice I would have wanted to get from my future self back then.

So, homework for you tonight. No stressing and no obsessing. Got it? Repeat after me."

I lift a hand in protest. "No need doc. Heard you loud and clear."

"Good. Unfortunately, out time is up, but, if you ever want to come back and talk some more, I would be more than happy to do so Bella."

"She will do that." Alice answers instead of me.

"Great. As for you Alice, we'll see you next month. Drive carefully on your way home please."

When I came home, I made a few list of things I remembered of my nightly dreams.

Clues that gave me some answers to the constant questions in my mind. I wish I could say, in time all of the dreams stopped. But my senses developed even more since then. My life would never be the same, and guess what? I don't think I'm too stressed about that anymore. Actually, I think I'm looking forward to know more. I'm ready to get to know my real true soul purpose, day at a time.

Epov

Dear diary,

are the choices we make in our life things we actually decide on, or is the universe only guiding us to where we think we want to go?

Living our life, do we take paths we think we want, or is it already predestined by the universe, God, or whatever you believe in?

I don't know where that belief suddenly came from, but it is something that is troubling me right now.

It's been solid two years since my life turned itself upside down.

Since I've been awaken.

If you can call it like that.

Five years ago, I was just another person in the world, ruled by dominance and wealth. Wanting more but never quite satisfied with it. More money, more prosperity, better job, better raise, better salary. A new apartment, tv, perfect view, all the pussy I could desire to pound out, but nothing seemed to satisfy me.

I realized that one day I just woke up, and nothing was ever the same.

Has the world changed, or was that just me?

This emptiness in my chest was something I kept avoiding more and more with booze, girls, money and well, strip clubs. Don't know how many times I woke up hangover, not knowing where I am or how I got here, I just knew...if I kept doing it, I will end up in a ditch somewhere, dead- or worse, a zombie- waiting for something, someone to help me wake up from this nightmare, only to realize, there is no one. I pushed them all away with my assholish (is that even a word?) behavior.

First, my mother, then my brother, and finally...my friends. Well...best friend.

They kept on trying but nothing was helping, so...one day, they just gave up.

A pounding in my head the size of a humongous elephant kicking me in the head was something I couldn't really describe. I have never felt like this. My old life was crushing into pieces...no, into ashes, and there was no way to fix it anymore.

I couldn't breathe, see or feel anything. Getting up from a hospital bed, I searched for a glass of brandy, vodka, whatever... but could not find it. There was all kind of annoyed noise around me... beep, beep, motherfucking beep. It was driving me crazy.

Suddenly, I felt the hands were holding me back. Tying me against the bed. I couldn't struggle very much. But I tried, so goddamn much.

I needed something. Anything. A single valium crushed and inhaled would fucking do about right now.

A single needle pushed inside my flesh made me stop. Suddenly, I felt weak again. Instantly, closing my eyes, I was there again, dreaming.

Sleeping.

Wishing.

Wishing for another day.

Another truth.

Another wisdom.

Another familiar face.

And then... there she was.

It took a little while for her to come back to me, but there she was. Waiting patiently by the bench.

So much love was pouring from every part of her body. Soul, mind, body. Heart.

I went towards her, sitting on the bench and thanking god she was here. My star. My moon. My wish fulfilled. My soul. My princess. My happiness. My sorrow.

I wanted to hug her, kiss her, and thank god she was here, but the look in her eyes was what it made me stop momentarily.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She was crying now, her eyes filled with sorrow and unfulfilled wishes.

"I'm pregnant."

I wanted to scream from the rooftops. I was happy. Excited... And confused at the same. What I wanted for so long finally happened, but at the wrong time.

And in the wrong timeline.

As I finally looked around, it seemed in the wrong century as well.

Where are hell are we?

What the hell am I wearing?

And what's more important, why the hell do I have the sudden feeling this is the end of our story, our short human life?

Another moment passed. She was looking straight at me, wishing, waiting for an advice. For comfort. Anything.

But...What the hell would I say?

Shaking my head, the first thing that came out of my mouth was...

"Is it mine?"

"Whose would it be? You're such an asshole sometimes."

"Sorry. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to say that. I'm just...surprised."

"Well...join the club," she whispers.

"Hey, it's okay. Everything will be fine. I will take care of you. Take care of us. Trust me."

"I do. Always," she whispers with quiet conviction.

But she didn't. And it broke my heart. She knew this was the end as well. End of us. End of our life together. End of happiness. End of waiting. And the beginning... of something else.

Something none of us knew how to begin. Or end. It was just...there. No heaven, no hell. Just...there. In pergatory. Waiting. Frozen. Not moving. Just...waiting.

For what? We will never know...or will we?

Thanks for reading!