Surprise chapter for you all. Surprise! Hope you like it. I'm writing the next one as we speak...hopefully, I will post it soon.

Thanks for still being here guys, and reading it. Means a lot. Seriously.

I should have named this chapter: musings of bella lol.

Wrote it quite quickly, just something that wanted to get out of my head; or should we say... Bella's head?

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. All grammar mistakes are unfortunately mine.

Chapter 9

"Bella! How nice to see you again," Jane says with a smile, while opening the door for me.

"I had an epiphany today." I blurt out, knowing if I don't start from the beginning, it will all dissipate into dust; figuratively, that is.

"Do tell," Jane said, sitting comfortably on her chair, putting one leg over the other.

"Well...it's actually simple..." I say, sitting down myself.

"Go on please," she added.

"See...people have no idea what they are doing. We are all longing for that something, someone who will change our lives.

Always waiting for that one big chance at a fairy tale, or that one chance to get that dream job, but what happens when we get it? We start looking for another fix of euphoria, never satisfied, day after day, we go around and round in circles."

Jane makes no comment, just keeps writing in her little notebook.

"We all think we figured shit out, but when we see other people, and the way they live, we start comparing their life to ours.

We all think that the grass is greener on the other side, but the truth is...it is not."

I take a deep breath out, taking a moment or two to relax. Unfortunately, I'm not even half done.

After the fourth exhale, I allow myself to finally slow down.

"We all wanna be happy all the time, don't we?" I ask, not looking for an aswer, but in the corner of my eye, I see Jane sharing a secret smile.

"But when we finally are content, we start looking for trouble. We start looking for excuses and ways to doubt it.

We all want some sense of security that the path we take in love and life is safe and secure, but the truth is... there is no such thing.

We all do in life what we think we should, have a steady job, have a husband, kids, a beautiful house and mortgage for the next thirty to forty years to pay off, but when a person on this earth decides to do something else entirely, here is where we start judging.

But why? What the hell is happening with our society?

Why is human population so closed off...why can't we all just...get along?"

"Now you sound just like those movies from the nineties," Jane adds, grinning.

"I know, I know," I say, rolling my eyes, sharing the laughs with her.

"So...you thought about all of this today?"

I nod. "Yeah. And what is up with those songs they put on the radio lately? We as kids,teenagers, hell- even sometimes as adults-learn about love from well...songs, tv, even books. Heart break songs, cheating songs...I want you back songs. We all get lost in love, lust, depression, but none of them sing about grown up love. Mature love."

"It seems so... and it only cost you...oh.." she says, looking at her fake wrist watch,"thousand hours or so in therapy."

"Yeah, yeah...very funny."

A moment of silence.

"But I'm right, aren't I? We keep marching in circles, thinking we know what will make us happy...but do we really? Or why we are constantly running for a rush of that feeling? You know what I mean? That rush of adrenaline, dopamine, even rush of danger that courses through our veins...we all are rushing through this life in searching for big things in life...big house, big salary, big love...

"Big dick?" A cocky smirk shows on her lips.

She got me there. "You're hilarious."

"I know," she adds, proudly.

"What was I saying again?"

"You were talking about the size," she continues, smirking.

I chuckle. "Right. We all want big, but does the size really matter?"

The playfulness in her tone and mine stays just that, lifting the heaviness of the subject.

Because despite the epiphany, life should not just be dull or heavy or ever monotonous.

It should have fun.

Laughter.

Joy.

A healthy amount of it, at least.

A moment later, she takes her time to write something in her notebook. Am I still curious what exactly that is, even after a year? Yes. Do I want to know? Not really.

A clearing of throat makes me come back to the present "So...is that why your dreams still scare you? Because you feel there is no freedom in your life? In your current world? That your whole life is already predestined? And no matter what you do, you are predestined to fail, just like in your previous lives?

I frown. "Good question doc. Honestly...I don't know."

Her smile is soft this time, kindness pouring out of her eyes as she looks at me, nodding in agreement. "Enough time to think about it for our next session. Unfortunately, our time is up."

"Well, damn" I say sarcastically.

She recognize it. We are after all if nothing, sarcasm buddies.

awww...listen to our Bella...getting so wise isn't she? lol. thanks for reading guys...it means a lot! btw...e and b gonna meet soon...yay!