A/N : A very Angsty and painful chapter! See you at the end.

Get the F*** out of my head !

"Judy! She's down! V's down! What do we do?!"

In the corner of Caitlyn's vision, she could see Judy's face on the camera, cycling through a range of emotions. Shock came first, swiftly followed by anger, then blind rage, until panic engulfed her like a storm. Tears welled up in Judy's eyes as she struggled to find her words.

"What happened? Tell me exactly what happened!"

"I don't know! I don't think she got hit, there's no bullet, her ICE is intact! But she's bleeding through her mouth! Through her ears too! Vi! Get her to the driver!"

Judy cried silently on the line, her turmoil reminiscent of Evelyn Parker's death in her bathtub.

"I… I…"

"We're taking her to Viktor! Has this happened before? Anything we can do?!"

But Judy remained frozen.

"She said she'd always come back… Why did she leave without me? Why did you leave me behind?"

"JUDY! What can we do?!"

"I don't know! Madre de dios, I got no clue! Is she even breathing?"

"Then get to Viktor's! We're bringing her there!"

Caitlyn abruptly cut the call now that Vi was standing beside her with V slung over her shoulder and the box of chips in her other arm.

V looked frail and small against Vi's imposing figure. The NC merc had never opted for large, flashy implants—no gorilla arms or reinforced shoulders. She preferred to remain flexible and nimble. Now, as Vi carried her like a sack of potatoes, she appeared almost doll-like, her arms dangling limply and her long, neon-red hair cascading downwards, streaked with blood.

"We have to hurry," Caitlyn urged desperately.

Vi, burdened by the body and the box, struggled to keep pace. The two minutes it took them to reach the location V had pinged felt like an eternity, each moment filled with the fear of losing the young mercenary.

An old, rust-covered blue Thornton awaited them, its lights on and engine running, with a bored-looking man behind the wheel. In any other place, this would have been suspicious, but in Night City, a ready getaway car was the norm.

"Whoa, whoa!" the driver protested as Vi flung open the back door, nearly tearing it off its hinges, and shoved V onto the backseat. "What the hell is going on, chooms?!"

"Take us to Viktor, the ripperdoc! Now!" Caitlyn demanded.

"The hell I am! I'm paid to transport cargo, not a dead body!"

But Caitlyn had already leaped into the seat next to him, pressing her iron against his chin.

"It's simple. The box is here, we got it. Now, if you don't want my wife to use it to split your skull in two, you will promptly take us to Viktor's, so your fixer doesn't lose their best merc. Understand?"

The man nodded, sweat beading on his forehead.

"Yes, Ma'am. Right away, Ma'am."

"Let's go then! Fast!"

The car lurched forward with a strange creaking sound that made Caitlyn worry about their chances of reaching their destination. She glanced back at her dying partner, whose head rested gently in Vi's steel hand. V's chest rose sporadically, each breath seeming more labored than the last. Drops of blood trickled from her lips and now her nose.

Cait's eyes met Vi's, mirroring the same fear and concern.

"We gotta hurry, Cupcake," Vi croaked. "I don't think she's gonna make it."

"By all hells, what happened? We had them, and no one even saw her!"

"I think it's her condition, love. You saw how she hijacked that gonk? He was hardwired from head to toe. I don't want to think about what it took from her to make him go psycho."

"Please," Caitlyn pleaded with the driver, the threat now replaced by desperation. "Hurry the hell up."

"Ma'am, there's traffic! I don't want the badges to notice us! Not with what's in the back!"

"I'll double your fee!"

The driver hesitated for a moment before a crooked smile spread across his tanned face.

"Okay, okay. Hold on. I know a way!"

V coughed in her coma, and blood splattered Vi's face.

"Damn it, Cupcake. Judy's gonna murder us."

When Judy burst into Vik's workshop, the traces of smeared mascara had not yet dried, nor had the tears ceased flowing.

"V! V!"

But before she could take another step toward the body lying on the operating table, the massive shadow of Vi stepped in between, blocking her path.

"Judy, don't."

"Let me pass!"

"No. Vik's working on her. You can't come closer."

"Like hell I can't! Where is he? VIK?"

"He's out back with Cait, they're getting some tools and meds. They'll be back in a second. You can't approach, it's the doc's orders."

Judy gave no warning. Her fist flew straight and quick into Vi's face, the impact with her chin producing a resounding noise. The pink-haired woman didn't flinch.

"If we want her to survive, I'd suggest we follow the doc's rules. What do you think?"

Judy's eyes blazed with metaphorical lightning, but Vi remained unfazed.

The backdoor opened with a creak, and Viktor emerged, his hands laden with various tools, with Caitlyn following behind him carrying an old crate.

The old ripper gave Judy a stern look.

"Thanks, Caitlyn. Everybody out. Out. I've got work to do. OUT!"

None had known Vik for a long time, so the outburst came as a shock. Even Judy seemed to swallow her anger as she turned on her heel and exited through the front door, followed silently by the two Europeans.

Outside, Judy leaned against Misty's closed door.

"FUUUUUUUUUUCK!" she screamed with all her might. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuuuck!"

With each scream, her voice cracked a little more, until the last one dissolved into deep, ragged sobs.

"Why… Why did you go without me? Why are you leaving me behind?"

She crumpled against the door, assuming the same position V had been in the day before.

Judy cried so hard that she began to have trouble breathing. Caitlyn grew increasingly concerned, kneeling beside her.

"Breathe, Judy, breathe."

Surprisingly, the young woman obeyed. It took a while, but with Caitlyn's benevolent hand on her shoulder and Vi's gentle gaze behind her, it felt easier.

"You know," she said between two wet hiccups, "our first date, a real date, I mean, I took her diving. There's a lake outside the city, near my hometown, where I grew up. It's down there. Under the waters. I told her I needed her help with some BD, but really it was a date."

"That sounds lovely," said Caitlyn gently.

"I've always felt good in the waters. Always loved diving. So why am I drowning now? Why is it so hard to fucking breathe?"

Vi's heart broke in her chest as Caitlyn lowered her head in helplessness.

"I'm sorry, Judy. I don't know what to tell you. Everything was going well. There were some bullets flying, yes, but we had it under control… Then she just collapsed. We think she overdid it."

Judy scoffed bitterly.

"Well, that does sound quite like her."

She dug into her pocket and drew out a half-broken cigarette and an old-school lighter.

The smoke seemed to calm her down, until she coughed and threw it away.

"Shit. Hadn't had a smoke since we left for the desert… Had saved this one for a bad day… It's disgusting now."

Caitlyn sat next to her. Judy seemed eager to talk, to not be alone. Anything but being alone, waiting, for the hammer to fall.

"You know, V always thought she was cursed. That everyone she came close to was bound to die fast and bloody. But she's wrong, you know? She doesn't realize how many lives she's saved. And not just the contracts she took. Panam, our Nomad friend, she told me the stories. How V saved her ass more than once. She saved several members of the clan, several times. She saved their former leader, Saul. She saved me. But she can't see that. All she sees is the people she lost. Jackie, Johnny…"

The sobs returned, but she controlled them, only allowing a small tremble in her voice.

"I'm the one who's cursed. Not her. I'm the one who kills everyone she loves. Evelyn. Maiko. V's gonna be my third girlfriend to die, for fuck's sake. Third! If it's not today, it will be tomorrow…"

She lost the battle again, crying hard enough to encourage Caitlyn to put her arm around her shoulders. Vi looked at her with an expression that conveyed "Third? Well, this is highly messed up."

"I'm sorry, Judy," was the only thing Caitlyn managed to articulate.

"For most of our time together, I… I refused to get too attached. I know it would hurt too much, I couldn't do this again… When she called me that night, to tell me she was about to die and she had no time left, I told her 'Do what you gotta do, I'll be here waiting.' Then I just went on with my business. Did everything I could to not think about her. I thought… I thought that if she didn't come back this time, well, I would be okay nonetheless. I forced myself to think it. But fuck… Fuck, I can't. I can't do this again."

4 months and one week prior.

*knock knock*

Judy jumped out of her seat. She wasn't expecting anyone but V, and V had the key; she never knocked, just came in. Who could it be?

She grabbed her iron and stuffed it in the back of her trousers, just in case. Opening the door carefully, ready to pull the gun on any threat, she instead discovered a battered V, looking worse than ever, dried blood on her face and a dusty, damaged Aldecados jacket on her back. Her neon red hair was an absolute mess, and the little makeup she usually put on in the morning made her look like a witch.

"Jude," she whispered.

The young Alvarez felt like the weight of the world was suddenly lifted off her shoulders, only to be replaced with the weight of another planet.

"V…"

She didn't know what to say. You're here! Is it done? You made it? Why do you look like you're dying?

"Are you okay?" was the only thing she managed to come up with.

As the only answer, V moved into the apartment and took Judy in her arms, holding her in the tightest, chest-crushing hug she had ever experienced. The way V dug her fingers into Judy's back, the overwhelming desperation in the embrace, the weight of V's head against her neck, all made Judy feel more scared than ever, and also realize how much she loved V, how much she needed her to be alright.

"What happened?" she finally asked.

V broke. She just completely broke, in a way Judy had never thought possible. A quick and early sob turned into a river, a storm of tears and harsh breathing, whimpers and screams. Judy could barely hold her straight and had to lead her girlfriend to the couch so they wouldn't collapse on the ground.

"It was all for nothing," V tried to articulate however she could. "Saul's dead. Johnny… Johnny's gone. He left, Judy. He's gone, and I'm still dying."

Too many questions swirled through her mind. Who's Saul? Where did Johnny go? And more importantly, What the fuck do you mean you're still dying?

"Breathe, amor, breathe. Take your time. I'm here; there's no rush, just… at your own pace."

"I should've killed myself, Jude. I should have... Fuck."

This declaration flared up a pit of rage in Judy's stomach. It took the best of her focus to tune it down.

"V, calm down. You're here with me; I'm not moving. Take your time and tell me everything."

It took her time, a long, long time, but she did. She explained everything. How the Relic was on the brink of frying up her brain for good, the meeting with Arasaka's prodigal daughter, about Mikoshi and the souls prison. The awful choice V had to make on how to solve her problem. Giving the reins to Johnny and risking Rogue's life, never knowing if she'd ever wake up, or call Panam and the Aldecados to beg them to make good on their promise to help her. Or make a deal with the devil…

"There was another choice," whispered V. "Johnny kept telling me that if I asked for Panam's help… the Aldecados would die. They were not strong enough to storm Arasaka's headquarters. So I thought…"

She took a deep breath to steady her voice.

"I could just let it go. Cleanest option, no one had to die for me, and I would go… aware. With my soul intact, on my own terms."

Judy shivered deeply.

"V, no… Please."

"I couldn't do it, Jude! I kept thinking about you and about Evelyn in your bathtub. I couldn't make you go through that shit again."

"Thank you, V," said Judy with bitter gratitude.

"But I should have, Judy! You don't get it! Saul, the Aldecados leader, he died, head crushed by Adam Smasher! I had to fight him, and Panam got hurt… We lost several brothers and sisters in the attack! Just to try to save my ass! Only because I loved you too much to just die!"

Judy's shoulders collapsed under the crushing weight of a guilt she didn't deserve.

"V, it's not… You can't put that on me. It's not fair."

"I'm not! It's my fault, Judy! My call, my decision! I could also have taken Arasaka's deal, and no one would have died! It's all because of my selfishness! I let them convince me that I was worth it! That my life was worth losing theirs! And even if they were right, even if… It was all worth nothing. They all died for fucking nothing. My body… my body's not mine anymore, Jude. It's Johnny's. My DNA has been rewritten or something, and I… I'm being rejected. Alt Cunningham told me I would have just a few months left to live, maybe six… I had to choose again. Leave my body to its new owner, Johnny, and go with her some eternal digital life… Or come back to you and leave him behind…"

Judy stared at her girlfriend, mouth half-opened in shock.

"So if you're here…"

"Yeah… He said I was his friend. And that if I wasn't ready to die, he would never do that to me. He said a few months left to live were better than a lifetime of guilt, or something shitty like that. Didn't sound like the Johnny I knew, but… He just went, Judy. He went with Alt, behind the Black Wall, to be some kind of AI for eternity. If he doesn't lose his mind, that is. He sacrificed himself for me too, just so I could get a few more stupid months!"

Anger started to take over sadness in V's voice. Judy held her in her arms and tightened her grip, suddenly very much aware of how fleeting this moment would be.

"V, I'm so sorry…"

But V was not listening to her.

"I'm so sorry, Judy. You deserved better, we deserved better. I didn't fight hard enough for us, I was too late, I took too much time…"

Judy straightened and cupped her girlfriend's face between her hands. She stared into her blue eyes and ignored the silent tears now running down her own cheeks.

"V, listen to me. Listen! It hurt so much to see you going through all that, to hear our time together might be on a clock… But V, I want you to hear this. Thank you. Thank you for comingback to me. Thank you for fighting for me and not leaving me alone. Thank you for giving me those months over a lifetime of regrets. I'm sorry you lost friends. I'm sorry for Johnny. But fuck me, V, if I'm not glad you made those choices… as selfish as it is. I love you, V. I love you so fucking much, and I really need you. You're here, and that's all that matters."

V chuckled through her own tears.

"Quality over quantity, as you say, right?"

"Exactly."

Judy deposited a quick kiss on V's cheek, then leaned against her chest, her ear against her skin to listen to the cybernetic heart underneath.

"V…" she said after a moment.

"Yeah?"

"Did you really fight Adam Smasher?"

V laughed, unexpectedly.

"I didn't just fight him. I zeroed him. Flatlined."

"Come on, don't jerk me around."

"I'm not. I fried his ass and stuck my knife in his brain. It's still there actually."

"Shit, V… So you made it then. You're a legend now. You killed Adam fucking Smasher."

V chuckled quietly.

"I guess I did. Jackie would be proud, I guess."

Then her eyes lit up in epiphany, and she almost jumped out, scaring Judy.

"Judy… I got an idea. Do you still want to get the fuck away from NC?"

The woman chased her green hair away from her eyes, making her stare look even more confused.

"What…?"

"You've been telling me how you wanted to get away. That Night City didn't feel like home. You wanted to leave."

"Yes, but…"

"Panam and Saul… they made me an Aldecados. Like, officially. I'm part of the nomad clan now. I didn't think much of it, but… Now that he's gone, and with the mess we just caused… They're going to have to bail. Leave the city, go back on the road. Let's go with them!"

"You want to ride with the nomads? You, the kid from Heywood?"

"Why not? What's left there for me anyway? You just said it, I made it! I took down Smasher, I made Jackie proud."

Then, in a quieter voice:

"I don't want to spend the time I have left here… I want to breathe. I want to be free. With you."

"But… I mean… Let's say you're right, and they're leaving soon and you want to go with them… What about me? I don't know them, I…"

"You're my anchor, Judy. Love of my short, tumultuous life. We'll make space. Hell, if anyone knows the value of love and the family you choose… It's the nomads. You'll be welcomed, Jude, I guarantee it. And I know Panam will love you. Unless you're too squeamish about the dirt?"

Judy's expression slowly but surely changed into a gigantic grin, one big enough to, maybe for a second, make her forget the woman she loved would soon be gone.

"Okay," she said. "Okay. Let's go. I just need to grab my stuff and wrap up a BD… and let the Mox know. But yes, I'll go with you. Anywhere."

V smiled back, then kissed her. "Finally," thought Judy. She kissed her deeply, passionately, as if it were both the first and the last time.

"I gotta take a shower," she said when they finally parted. "I have at least twenty different people's blood on me, and three layers of dirt. I smell worse than when I crawled out of the dump."

Judy chuckled gently. "Yes, I can confirm. You look like hell. Go. I'm going to start packing."

A few minutes later, while listening through the door and the sound of the water falling on the tiles, Judy heard V finishing up a call with this Panam woman. Then she heard her cough, violently. Then she understood that V had sat down in the shower, and was crying again.

"My ex killed herself in my own bathtub after being tortured for days… Then V had to go through hell for months, only to find out the best way to spare her friends was to end her life too. And when she decided not to, just for me… That's what she got. Tell me again how I'm not cursed?" spat Judy, summarizing her story.

Silence fell like the night on the ocean. Quiet, unmoving, and terrifying.

Vi finally left the wall she was leaning against and approached V's bedside.

"Hey, Judy," she started. "I don't want to start a contest of misery, but for a very, very long time, my life was a deep pit of despair. Proper dungfest, you can trust my word on that. Then I met Caitlyn and I thought… I thought I had made it through to the other side. I was done with the mess and now I had found gold. I could be happy. But you know, it ain't ever easy this way. Every time you think you're out, it pulls you back in. We had to fight hard, really, really hard. And we made it."

"Well, I'm happy for you, but if you think that…"

"What I'm trying to say," cut in V, "is that I long thought that I was cursed. Enough to consider myself an expert. And I think you're right. You're cursed. I'm not sure which one of you or her is the most cursed of all, but yeah, you are. The good news is that by now, we're expert curse breakers. If we got out of it, we can drag you out too. Trust my word, Judy. V's going to pull through. We're going to get Deckard, we're going to get our Hexcore back, and we're going to save her. I promise you."

"Vi," Caitlyn tried to interject, clearly unsure about this promise.

"Did you at least manage to get what you needed from the Animals?" inquired Judy.

A flash of embarrassment crossed Vi's face.

"I mean… Not really."

"We have a location," intervened Caitlyn to save her wife. "There were a couple of netrunners with the Animals, and while they were focused on V, I managed to extract usable data, including navigation data. I wanted to cross-reference them with the GPS from the only car V didn't blow up, but considering the emergency of the situation… We didn't really have time."

"You think this location is their base?"

"I expect it to be the starting point of this morning's operation, at least. In addition, there's still a lot of data I haven't sorted. With luck, there could be text, IP addresses… Let me take care of this. I'll find them."

Judy's hopes were interrupted by the clash of the iron gate against the wall, and Viktor appearing out of the darkness of his basement. When they saw the look on his face, Judy's last shred of hope evaporated. Caitlyn bit her hand in horror, and Vi lowered her head.

"No…" begged Judy.

"I did everything I could," whispered Viktor. "She's still breathing, but… not for long. I'm sorry, kid."

"No, no, no please no. Please Viktor, Please!" she begged harder.

"Give us the deets, doc" ordered Vi, her voice hard and cold.

"She bypassed her cyberdeck's safety and overclocked twice in a too-short period of time. Her body went haywire and started tearing itself apart from the inside. I patched up lesions in her neck, lungs, and stomach."

Judy grabbed his collar, then his shoulders, as if she was trying to find a button on his body to make him change what happened.

"I patched all I could, kid. But her body will keep disintegrating itself from the inside. I don't know what's going to fail next, or when. It could be her liver in five minutes. It could be her heart tomorrow."

"But, but, at least she's alive!" concluded Judy. "She's okay for now, you fixed her, right?"

Vik shook his head.

"She's still under sedation, but I'm not sure she'll even wake up. If I were you, I'd prepare myself, kid. Say my goodbyes."

"No! Damn it, Viktor, please! There has to be something we can do!"

His sigh was deeper than Night City's bay.

"There are some pills on the table next to her. When she wakes up, they might give her an extra day or two. They might not. It's the best I can do. It's the best anyone can do at that point, really. I must go now. Razor Hugh's waiting and I… Misty still needs us. I'm sorry, kid. I really am."

He freed his shoulder from her grasp with a gentle twist and slowly dragged his feet toward the exit of the backyard, head low, looking like an homage to sadness.

He stopped a second before exiting for good.

"You know… I almost hope she doesn't wake up. The way her body's rejecting her… I don't want to imagine the kind of pain she's going to be in..."

Judy decided to ignore him; she couldn't, didn't want to hear it, not to understand it. She forced herself to move and grabbed Caitlyn by the collar. Even Vi didn't react to the threatening behavior.

"Go sort your data. Find them! Right now! You go find them and you bring Deckard. If V doesn't wake up, it's on you to save Misty now. And if she does, you need to save her!"

Caitlyn nodded.

"Understood, Mrs. Alvarez. We're on it. Tell V we're praying for her."

She grabbed her wife's metallic hand and pulled her toward the street, already hailing a cab, leaving Judy alone in the concrete back alley.

She opened the gate without a single hesitation, but as soon as the darkness of the room fell on her eyes, she froze.

She couldn't yet see V from her position, and she was not sure she wanted to. Fear gripped her heart with a cold iron hand, and taking a single more step suddenly felt harder than anything she had ever done.

Only the light of the operating table and from the computer screens shed some light on V's body. Viktor had spread her jacket across her body to protect her modesty. It would have made Judy smile, under other circumstances. V was never one to be prudish, quite the opposite. Focusing on this little detail of happiness, Judy managed to make her way to the table. V's chest was moving, not so much that she could call it lifting, but that was something. Her breathing was hard, troubled, almost as if she were slowly suffocating in her sleep. Her face looked in pain despite the sedatives.

"Oh V…" she cried into the emptiness. "What the hell did you do…"

She dragged Viktor's chair to pull it under her and grabbed V's hand between hers. It had never felt so weak. So lifeless.

She gently kissed it and leaned forward until her forehead touched V's.

She started praying. She wasn't sure she remembered how, but all those years ago, in this church her abuela forced her to go under threat of missed lunch, she had been shown how. She just needed to remember the words.

*Padre nuestro, que estás en el cielo. Santificado sea tu nombre. Venga tu reino…*

She didn't know how long she stayed there, mumbling nonsense to some invisible guardian angel. Maybe two minutes, maybe two hours. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that V twitched her fingers in her hand.

"V?" she screamed in joy, jumping out of the chair.

"Johnny?" croaked V between her bloody lips.

"V! It's me! It's Judy!"

"I did like you told me, Johnny. I kept fighting. I didn't stop. Like you told me."

"V! Please!" she begged, squeezing her fingers. "Please!"

She didn't know what else to say, terrified in front of V's hallucinations.

"I never stopped fighting, Johnny. I never stopped. I never stopped…"

Her voice lingered, and her head fell to the side, unconscious again.

On the brink of despair, Judy stared at the line on the monitor, sure that her heart would stop along with V's.

Bip.

Bip.

Bip.

A/N2 : Longest chapter of the fic so far. The hardest as well, and I think maybe the one i'm most proud of since I started writing fanfics.
I really hope you liked reading it as much as i liked writing it. If you did, please let me know!