Tears. I watch as they drip down from her face. Tremors. She is shaking.

After we got to her office we sat down, locked the door behind us, and talked.

We talked about many topics, ranging from how her day had been to what I had been up to, my future insight, any advice I could give, and finally what caused her breakdown.

Her time ever since she woke up.

It was kinda similar to the original in-game story, but of course a little skewed due to someone's interference, I wonder who that may be lol.

Like how she was rescued, ambushed, Ace almost died, scout barely made it out, and sacrifices of some R.I. personnel to save their lives.

Their time in Lungmen, how Misha was saved and is alive, how they managed to convince Skullshatterer to lay down arms and all the problems and division that caused, bla bla bla, filler lore about Lungmen, how Yelena was saved but in a very unhealthy state, how she learned that she had ordered many people before she woke up with amnesia to their death, about the talk on Theresa with Kal in the sarca- sarcaph- The big coffin thingy that kills you unless you are the Doctor.

You know, the usual moral dilemmas that these characters face in your average anime story. However I wasn't consoling her, I just watched.

In the beginning, I just wanted to watch her crumble, but even I have my own moral code. I believe that I shall at least try to guide any man I see on the verge of mental degeneration by giving them a different perspective on things, I won't help directly, however.

Now the only issue is that my philosophy and views on life are quite harsh compared to your average troll from the internet. I genuinely give a fuck, kinda, so even if I help, the possibilities of it backfiring are high.

''- all my fault '' hic''all my fau-''

Her cries of helplessness aren't helping me.

Fuck THIS, Fuck YOU. I don't CARE about acting anymore. At this point, a flame has re-ignited within me, the flame for debate, the flame of sharing my own ideology on topics with different people. My habits are picking back up, just like how it was in the Earthly days.

''- only,-'' crying sounds ''-ould have-''

My mind is fighting back, however, the plans, the ideas, do I keep up the facade and crush her, or do I stay true to my moral code back from Earth? Do I help? Or do I fan the flames? Oh just FUCK IT.

''Shhhhhhhhh, calm down, stop crying, here. Take this paper towel and wipe your face. Have you calmed down a bit?''

While wiping her face she shakes her head up and down.

'' Good, now look, look into my eyes, well, where my eyes would be.''

''You listening? Good."

"WAKE THE FUCK UP, PRINCESS.''

Shock, pure shock written all over her face, this was unexpected. Fear. ''What is he talking about?''. Call me a mind reader.

''YOU ARE CRYING, crying over what? You killed a few people? Huh? HAVE YOU? Look around, all your soldiers, they have killed, both under your and other's commands, do you see them breaking down?''

''Now I am NOT saying that they are perfect, they also 100% feel the guilt and pain of all the murder, well the sane ones do, and that is GOOD.''

''But how do they COPE? I don't know. But I can tell you how I COPE.''

"I am no sentimentalist, so this may sound HARSH, but just LISTEN."

"Fun fucking fact: Killing, where I come from is very, very very very frowned upon, that is how I was grown too, what I was taught."

"But I had to accept reality, I had to adapt and evolve, so I killed, maybe not by my own hands but by ordering their death by my commands"

"I told them the future, I told them how they should proceed and people still died, you think I am HAPPY ABOUT THAT? I AM NOT!"

I slam my fists into the Doctors desk, I am losing it, my rage is seeping out, and the facade is fading.

She flinches in her chair. Deja vu. Am I that threatening? Really?

" But I push through, I keep the ball rolling. Why? Do I not feel guilt? Do I not have any emotion?!"

"I DO BITCH, I DO!"

"But after you open the gates once you can't close them, the first murder, the first death, the first sacrifice may have been for my own sake, that's how it is for everyone."

"But every other kill? Every toll for the count. They are justified. How? Because I answer to MYSELF, NO GODS OR PUPPETEERS."

I am basically shouting at this point, guess I also needed some cope.

"TO PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I HAD A REASON BITCH. THAT IT WASN'T MEANINGLESS, THAT IN THE END, THEIR DEATHS WON'T BE IN VAIN, THAT ALL OF THEIR DEATHS WERE FOR A REASON, A CAUSE, A FUTURE, AND AN IDEA."

I gasp for air, which is when it hits me as well, I look around in a moment of clarity, she is fucking mortified in her desk, an expression so complex that even I can barely figure out the fear and sadness inside.

I clear my thoughts, I need to fix this. Philosofuckery™ time. A new term coined by your yours truly.

"Which is why the greatest mistake one can do is to wallow in guilt and despair. Instead of making their deaths meaningless, you should push to prove your actions worth."

"Prove to their dead souls and yourself, that their deaths DID matter, and that it WASN'T in vain."

"You might not agree, you might not believe in this line of thought, but think about it and find your own."

"I am forcing on you a leave, non-negotiable leave Dr. Lau."

"Until you find your answer I won't ever see you in this office lest you think that you can escape my wrath."

And with that, I basically drag her out of her office myself and lock the door from the inside.

AAAAA I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.

DID I ACTUALLY LOSE CONTROL LIKE THAT?! I MESSED UP BIG TIME. FUCK. I AM DOOMED.

Calm down, think, ponder. I don't have time.

This SHAN'T do. How can I keep a facade if the face beneath the mask itself is fading?

Can't wear a mask if there is no face that you can cover to begin with.

This mental deterioration bullshit got me acting up, need to solve it asap.

That was disastrous, especially when you consider the fact that I had a fucking audience. No, I am not talking about the doctor. I know someone else is here.

While we were having the chill part of our talk, by pure fucking chance, playing around my phone, I fucking saw a silhouette on the ceiling in the reflection of the black screen.

This time I actually have an idea as to who I am dealing with though.

finally managed to remember someone, Elhamdülillah!

Her name was Red I think.

Project Red. Assassin orphan adopted by Kal'tsit. Did I tell you that she is an assassin? Actual fatherless behavior. Vine Boom.

"Get the fuck down from the ceiling, I know you are up there. Don't make this hard for us both, I'm tired, I surrender."

I sigh. How will I fix this mess?

Some shuffling, something falls down from the ceiling. It IS her. Bingo!

In mere seconds I have a blade pressing into my neck and my hands are tied behind my back, held together by a smaller hand. I just told you that I surrender, who are you trying to fucking impress you dumb bitch?

"That is SO crazy, a round of applause. Now could you please unhand me, I really need to go and drink something to ready myself before our meeting with Kal after this philosophical debate."

If i flinch I'm actually dead, unlike a certain snowflake I don't have that luxury. Walking on a wire barefoot. Can't flinch when in pain.

I feel the knife pressing at my throat, that is so cool.

Pro tip: I am actually scared shitless, it is just that at this point I have gotten so used to threats of death I have begun even managing to lie to my own body that I'm not scared. That can't be healthy. Yikes.

She begins her speech:

"I saw it all, you bastard, how dare you hurt the Doctor?"

She hisses, I thought she was Lupo, a dog? Wtf, transracials on Terra?

"Kal'tsit will know-"

No.

"Oh but she won't."

Dumb dog.

"You think you can stop me? I could end your life right now."

She said. This is like the 3rd time this week that I've heard that phrase. It gets old, believe me.

You fool, you absolute buffoon.

"I don't need to, why do you think that I'm not resisting?"

"You should know my powers yeah? The fact that I can know the future?"

Deep breath, emphasize your point. Talk slowly, imposing.

"If you tell Kal'tsit what happened here, or you kill me, or both actually.

It will set a flow of motions so catastrophic it will make actual catastrophes look like a fucking joke you autistic dog."

Let's just hope that me calling her autistic doesn't trigger her, like the average white woman.

"So for the sake of the future, I hope that you shut the fuck up and forget this all happened. Why do you think that I had this conversation anyways if I knew that you were in this room spying on me? It is all calculated"

Wow, that was so much bullshit. I can fucking smell it in my mind.

This is yet another gamble. I sure do love gambling with my shitty RNG. This will bite me in the ASS one day.

The gamble is that she WILL actually tell Kal'tsit what happened. But she will also tell her that I WARNED her about the future and not to tell her.

It is but a double bluff in the hopes that she actually does tell this to Kal'tsit ALONG with my warning.

I have a great idea that might win me the meeting. This will give me a great bargaining chip.

I close my eyes and relax my wrists behind my back. They are free?

Oh. She is gone. She fucking pulled a Houdini on my ass.

I look at the door, it is open. Bro. Why?

Fucking show makers man you could have literally just walked off. WHAT is the point? To demonstrate your strength to me? I genuinely do not care about how strong anyone is. If anyone tries to kill me I'm dead.

Time to question my life choices though. No rest for the wicked.

Do I really believe what I just talked about in my philosophy?

No? I would have if Terrans were human, but they aren't.

They are just characters in a story.

Actual figments of imagination.

But then why did I lose my control while talking about morals of killing them? Killing a sub-human should be morally fine according to my ideology and philosophy of extremist idealism. Said every auth-right believer.

Hah, I think I just got lost in the heat of the moment + mental deterioration.

Remember, you do NOT care, you do NOT have the luxury to care.

You can NOT afford to care about the lives of fictional characters when you are losing your own...

Fucking orospu çocukları!

With that all done I also make my way out of that gloomy office.

Actually just had to deal with an autistic dog assassin, can't believe it.

I need a fucking bo'oh'o'wa'er after all that, I talked too much, and my fucking mouth is dry like the desolate wasteland that is Nevada.

I look around. Do I see anyone important? Nah, just passerby's.

They still staring at me as if they are Europeans seeing a black man for the first time in their lives. The racism is real. Fucking Terrans man!

You don't know how much I would pay to see Earth somehow invading Terra, knock these assholes off of their high-horses into the fucking ground with machine guns, nukes, bio-weapons. You name 'em.

I may not be Jewish, but the hate in my heart for these peoples Isreal.

Fucking furries, mentally ill retards, kill them all I say. SUBHANALLAH!

Wait, wait wait wait. This is a rabbit hole that would destroy my current views of Machiavellianist plans and ideals, this is going down a psychopathy trial which wouldn't fare well with my current state of affairs and views on politics based on a 21st-century geopolitical situation.

Holy shit, my brain melting has pushed me from centrism to right-wing extremism and hate, truly, this speaks a lot about our modern society.

God this entire rant reeks of mental illness, I guess this is where the stress of near-death experiences get you when you face them back to back. Pure mental deterioration. The absolute state of my mind rn.

I eventually find some fucking water and drink it. Ahhhhhhh.

The sweat taste of H2O on 7PH levels has never felt this good before.

At least I hope, I don't how water works in this messed up place.

From the fact that I have been drinking it for 2 years now, I will hope that it doesn't have any long-term consequences on my already fragile body.

I need to prepare, plans.

The meeting is soon, what is the time.?

Check phone, 3.23 PM, Ok, I have 1 hour and 7 minutes left.

I already knocked out the Doctor by destroying her mental state, unintentionally or intentionally it doesn't fucking matter in the end.

I have planted a seed in their minds by managing to, I hope at least, fool the fuckers with Project Red's revelation of my ''Actual Views'' and my prophecy of their doom with my ''Future Sight''.

Are they even considered Humans? Terrans aren't human, I think.

Which is why we should exterm- STOP, FUCKING, AAAAA, MY BRAIN.

STOP THINKING ABOUT POLITICAL RATIONALE FOR 5 MINUTES.

I JUST WANNA GET THROUGH THIS MAN, STOP TRYING TO THINK ABOUT EXTREMIST IDEOLOGIES THAT JUSTIFY GENOCIDE SHITHEAD!

With the way things are headed, I'm gonna get canceled on Twitter! My life is fucking jover.

No more politics, just think about your current status. Not Geopolitics. Bad.

I need to get going, to the dreaded meeting room I go.

God, I fucking hope this all goes to plan, if it doesn't I am SOOO fucked.

I think this is my issue, after I am done with all this I just wanna lie low a bit. Stop trying to spark major events. Just chill. My mind can't take any more of this utter brain-melting stress which piles on top of my physical stress due to my health issues. One of these at a time is manageable, both at the same time just work together in utter chaos to kill me outright.

So, the final journey begins, here we start the journey.

Destination: R.I. meeting office.

Goals: Are to fucking survive.

Means to do so?: Pulled out of my fucking ass!