''I walk a lonely-''

''-I have ever known-''

''-where it goes-''

''-only me and I walk-''

Boulevard of my fucking dick in your mouth.

Hire me, music bands, I'll make your titles for you.

This song is really catchy man, I have been humming the lyrics while listening to the song as I made my way to HR.

I did get a lot of the complementary stares that I get every time I make an appearance, however, they felt less intense, and the passerbys didn't immediately recoil when they passed by me.

I did realize that most of them put their hands on their weapons...

OH CMON, really? Really? I just had a confrontation with a mad furry insanity larper and that's what it all took for people to assume that I'd try to knock out anyone I pass by.

AND THAT IS OLD NEWS! It's been what? A work week?

And these people still talk about THAT rumor.

Jesus Christ.

And so I continue my journey

Predicted arrival time? 10 minutes.

Learning where shit is truly is an incredible feat, last time it took me around an hour to find my way around, but now I can just get to where I need to be in 15 minutes.

It's still a long ass time, but hey, it's better than spending my entire day wandering an alien battleship filled with battle-crazed, mentally unstable murderers.

I did finally get to HR.

It's yet again the same person, with white hair 'n shit.

I actually remembered her, while thinking about important lore.

This bitch had brain damage and talked like a robot.

Operator Popsicles if I'm right.

Nah, let's not actually say that, I don't have to deal with these people today after all I had to suffer through.

Honestly? I knew for a fact, that Humanity as I know it is probably less advanced in many aspects that matter compared to Terra. I don't count military capabilities. What's a Tsar Bomba gonna do if you can't teleport it between dimensions?

However, they suffer, they suffer from the absolute state that is the social aspect of life. All these motherfuckers, take them off the battlefield and negotiating table; 90% of them have skill issues when it comes to social interaction and social lives.

I thought the lowest of the low were:

Genshin ((The age of consent is 18 years old)) Impact players.

I have been proved wrong, maybe the internet really isn't that bad huh, amazing, truly revolutionary statement.

Approach the woman:

((Man I sound like a predator.))

''Hello? Operator...Operator Ptilopsis correct?''

She gives me a small nod with half-open eyes.

Resting her head on the desk.

Oh yeah, she had the big skill issue with sleep ya.

''I am sure, as you know, as the new assistant of R.I. I need my new keycard and communications device, could you give 'em to me?''

She slowly gets up. Reminds me more of a sloth than an owl.

''Operator Ptilopsis will be back shortly.''

She goes to the back of the room which I presume is the depot, and comes out with my new keycard and communications device.

It is just a glorified phone, I have no idea what I was expecting.

While handing them over she gives me a small speech explaining what they do.

''This device that you see here is the R.I. secure communication device or R.I.S.C. for short.''

''It operates on channels only available to R.I. and encrypts all conversations to provide a secure flow of information-''

While she keeps talking she sometimes looks at me to, IDK, figure out if I'm listening or not? Can't tell, it just feels as if she is judging me, quite curious if I have to say so myself.

I doubt she can read much through the visor though, yet another victory for Azmych nation yo.

''-however they can also be used to send files, more detailed information, or to engage in leisurely activities. However, Operator Ptilopsis has to warn you. If you are caught using the R.I.S.C during work hours too many times we will take it back for storage until the operator has been assigned a mission.''

Wait, do they all think that I am an operator? IS THAT WHY THEY HAVE ALL BEEN SO TENSE THIS ENTIRE TIME?

I AM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT.

ME? An operator? HAHHAHA.

I am this close to setting this ship and myself on fucking fire.

''Hey, Ptilopsis. I'd like to clarify that I am, in fact, NOT an Operator."

"Is this what caused all the fuss? Really? Seriously?''

I stare, the silence confirms it, for me at least.

''AY caramba!''

She is still silent, listening. Good. Just like someone should, +5 points.

I lean in slightly, holding a hand near my visor, as if I'm silencing myself sharing state-classified information.

She leans back. Hah. Coward.

''Also , if there are rumors floating around, try to at least hide them better from the man that the rumors are about."

"Call this my first tip to you as an assistant of R.I.''

I lean back out.

She asks:

" If Operator Ptilopsis may ask, is that all? Operator Ptilopsis has to go back to her job, she does not have time to waste."

Damn. Fuck you too bird bitch.

"Actually, that isn't all."

I try to put up a more serious facade, I don't think she will take me seriously otherwise.

"Let it be known, to all Operators interested-''

Take a breath, this is how a serious man acts. No bullshittery.

Straighten my back, and clear my throat.

''- I will be holding interviews for additional assistant positions for R.I., because I will be putting together a team in order to streamline Doctor's work, the requirements for the job are very simple.''

Point to myself.

''There is only 1 requirement, and that is being able to handle the fact that I'll be your boss for the people that sign up.''

Monotone voice, don't even move an inch.

'' I am not kidding, do like an announcement. The applications are now open, anyone may simply walk into the office and I'll interview them right then and there''

Quiet voice.

''It's not like I will be leaving the Ark unless something very serious happens...''

I mumbled that out loud didn't I? Fuck.

'' With that I bid you farewell Operator Ptilopsis, as you said, none of us have much time to waste on our hands.''

With that, I leave, not even glancing back.

Do a broad shoulder walk, that's right, block the corridor.

This should spread like wildfire.

The talk of the community comes with a mysterious offer?

Who wouldn't check what is happening or try their shot at being an assistant?

The trap has been set, the bait is laid out on the ground, and all we need now is the animals that will unknowingly walk in.

I am killing 3 birds with 1 shot, hah.

Who are the best hunters? Wolves? Lions? Nah.

It is us, humans, I'll hunt you all down, got you in my sights.

I will get you all used to listening to my commands.

Build trust, terror, and respect into your hearts.

Get the operators more time to interact with the Doc, while also making it so that the assistants have an even stronger bond.

While making R.I. more efficient, I think this would all around increase efficiency by 33%.

Money makes the world go round.

Check time. 7.21 PM

It is dinner time, very curious.

Eh, I AM hungry, why the fuck not.

Sitting alone might be a huge mistake or a boon.

Depending on which retards I'll get to interact with.

It is like rolling dice you know? Who knows, maybe a 1 or a 6.

I can't EAT in the cafeteria since I'd have to remove my visor to eat, but I can pick up food and drinks.

I don't feel like making my own today, today has been tiring.

Well, my life has always been tiring, today even more so.

So I did make my way to the cafeteria, only to bump into a crying kid along the way. Really.

Deadass why is she here? Why is she crying? HOW did she get here? Why is no one helping her? How did she manage to walk this far deep into the ship?

I watch her from the entrance of the hallway that she is in, I don't think she has seen me yet.

Think, what the hell could this be? A case of a lost child?

No, that doesn't make sense, she is way too far deep in the landship to be JUST a lost child. Then what?

Observe her a bit more, what does she look like?

I can't tell, she seems to be wearing russian style of clothing though, and calling out some names between her cries.

Russian? Ursus. This one is from Ursus!

Ok, this makes things way simpler, now I need to think of R.I. connections to Ursus and how they might be related.

Children... Ursus... Wait a minute, that rings a bell.

I need to confirm my suspicions.

While trying to make as little noise as possible I slowly start approaching the crying girl.

She still hasn't noticed me due to her wailing.

Sniff ''-Zu-Zuma-'' Sniff, an outburst of tears, ''-Rosa-''

'' Wher- are you?''

BINGO, the child trauma school of Ursus.

I was right!

However, she doesn't remind me of any of those little fucks.

Who the hell is this... Wait a minute.

I REMBER. I fucked with the flow of events, didn't I?

So a lot more of the Ursus children survived compared to the main story line, fewer atrocities. Some were still committed, but eh, that's just how war is these days. Thanks Ace Combat 7 for that advice, I always keep it close to my heart.

Approach the child.

((God damnit, simply an issue of vocabulary and grammar.))

'' Hey?''

She IMMEDIATELY gets up, starts almost bouncing around.

She looks like she is stuck between running away, talking, or outright fighting me. Very curious, kid

''St-Stay away!'' Sniffle '' Stay back!''

We got a hot shot on our hands.

I stop moving.

''Woah, calm down kid. I am not going to hurt you.''

''Here look, my hands are empty, I have no weapons, nor will I make any sudden movements''

I pull my hands out of my pockets.

She tenses for a bit but goes back to crying mode when she sees that my hands are actually empty.

'' I just saw you crying in the hallway, thought I'd check in to see what was going on you know? So how about you calm down, and I try to help you with whatever you got?''

She is contemplating, probably trying to figure out if I am telling the truth, or I am fucking with her...

Unless, this is a ploy, ploy by R.I. to test me.

In either case, helping this child is the best option.

''Yo-you-'' Hic ''-help me? I don't trust you! You want to hurt me!''

Hah, we got a fucking smartie over here. You think too much child, your brain isn't developed enough so let me show you:

'' Hurt you? Girl, if I wanted to hurt you, I'd have done it a long time ago, not alert you first.''

I facepalm. Speak with a tired voice. Pressure her. She's a kid.

This is so easy, easy as luring an unsuspecting kid into the kidnappers van. Shit. I just can't sound like a good man for once can I?

''You are in R.I., we are the people that saved you think we want to hurt you?... Fine. I guess I'll leave. It seems like you don't want my help''

With my hands still on my head I begin very slowly turning around. I am teasing her. Take the bait, child.

Hic ''W-WAIT!''

I stop in my tracks, she took the bait.

''You really wa-want to help m-me?''

''Don't- Don't leave me here-'' Hic ''-help me''

There we go, that wasn't so hard was it?

So I helped the kid out.

Turns out she got separated from the Ursuian girls and somehow managed to get lost DEEP into the landship,

and didn't manage to find anyone.

I helped calm her down, cracked a few silly jokes. Made her laugh. Laughter is a good medicine for when you are retarded like a kid.

I asked her how wold she was, she said 19...

That's a lie, if you were 19 there is no shot that you'd be that short and/or underdeveloped on... certain aspects of the human body that need not be named on a child, lest I want the FBI up my ass. Nice try feds. We don't fall for these tricks.

Oh shit, wait. These peoples live for 100's of years right?

What if she is telling the truth...

Wait, I remember the lore now.

Middle school. Right.

No way she is 19. Holy shit I just almost got trolled by an actual child. Skill issue of the century.

We made our way back to the cafeteria. Along the way she calmed down a lot, while I thought about who this child could be.

I reached the conclusion that she wasn't one of the operators.

Probably one of the side-characters in the story, or some of the children not even mentioned. I really do not care.

All that matters are the actual Ops from the game, any sideliners, unless really influential are just not worth my time.

When we reached the cafeteria, I realized all along that I could have just used the communications device...

I completely forgot about it.

Damn.

So I grabbed a glass and a spoon.

Banged them together to make an announcement.

The usually live cafeteria quieted down, heads turned towards me, listening.

And so I provided:

" If any of the U.S.S.G are present, I repeat. If any of the U.S.S.G are present. I have found one of your associates, she seems to have been lost.

If anyone from the U.S.S.G is present come and pick her up"

I point to the kid which is now trying to hide behind me.

She seems a little red, like embarrassed. Funny, I would be laughing as well if it wasn't for my current situation.

After a few seconds, nothing happens. So I try my luck again.

"If anyone present also has a method to contact the Ursusian students, do contact them, or preferably Dr. Kal'tsit if the U.S.S.G can't be reached."

This time my calls are answered.

The U.S.S.G gang as I call them do show up.

They seem angry, actually, now that I think about it, most of the people seem here angry.

What? Why?

Oh wait, I just showed up with a random child with me, and I am notorious for being a bad person that schemes.

Haha, amazing. Truly, my reputation is so low that acts of kindness are viewed as attempts at intrigue.

They are shouting at me, accusing me of things.

Things are getting heated.

Some of the Operators are getting up from their seats, forming a circle around us.

This is a public lynching, I can feel the hate flowing.

These sons of bitches.

"-YOU FREAK! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!-"

"-YEAH, KID COME OVER HERE, DON'T STAY NEAR HIM!"

These fucking bastards...

I played the neutral game, I played the nice game, they were never satisfied.

You want to agitate me? Huh?

You want me to blow up?!

FINE. Fuck you all.

I raise my hand.

Some people draw their weapons.

SPEAK! ROAR WITH YOUR VOICE:

" SHUT YOUR MOUTHS YOU BASTARDS!"

Recoiling of the U.S.S.G.

The silence of the room.

They are waiting for my next move.

"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!"

"I DO SOMETHING FOR THE SAKE OF A CHILD WHO WAS LOST, CRYING AND IN FEAR -"

She reddens up more, sorry kid, but some sacrifices must be made today. Such as your dignity.

Take an oppressive stance, stand tall. Use height to my advantage.

"- AND I GET LYNCHED?! YOU BASTARDS THINK I DID SOMETHING TO THE KID? FUCK YOU!"

I look towards the kid, who is half embarrassed, half in fear of what is going on around her.

And as if the rage was never there, speak in a slow and calm voice.

"Kid, look. Your friends are right there. Leave, the more you stay with me the more problems it will cause for the both of us."

"Skedaddle."

I point towards the urSUSian kids. Can't believe they named an entire race SUSian. Amogus.

She hesitates for a bit, eventually she does start moving away.

However, I am a statue, I don't react. Don't break my neutral standing.

Just before getting lost in the crowd. She glances back:

"Th-thank you, mister."

I scoff. Wave my hand nonchalantly

"Don't thank me kid.

You heard the crowd.

I am not a good man."

I chuckle, laugh a bit.

And then go back to a dead serious, harsh voice.

" Now for the rest of you, get the fuck out of my way, open a path, I am leaving."

They do, as I walk towards the cafeteria door they slowly open a path.

The air gets tense, some people cower in fear, not from me but their fellow operators.

Some people must be using their auras to get my attention or to stop me in my tracks.

I don't even acknowledge these attempts.

Keep walking. Straight. Unrelenting.

"I don't have the brain capacity to deal with you hypocrites right now."

I reached the door.

Stop. Before you leave, do an outro speech.

Make fun of their beliefs.

"Your entire ideology is based on the fact that infected people aren't evil and actually normal people, but when I, a man regarded as " Evil" do something nice your bias sticks out hard."

"What an ideology and the people that believe in it, ey?"

With that I swipe my card and leave the cafeteria.

Take a deep sigh.

Relax my muscles.

Only for my stomach to grumble.

Shit. I forgot to get food.

Ma fuckin pancakes.