Someone was touching him, shaking him awake. No, I don't… Where am I? My head is pounding. Just go away and leave me alone… But the big hand was insistent, and there was a voice too. He knew it, from somewhere in his past…

"Hey, it's time to get up…"

That felt impossible. He groaned and clutched his throbbing head. Stop. If the whole world could just do that…

"Headache?"

"Yeah…" He squinted up, remembering it was Kunigami he was with. Damn it, Hero. There's no way you're gonna leave me in peace.

Chigiri had a moment of relief when Kunigami got up, hoping maybe he'd be left alone, but then he felt a cool sensation on his forehead as a damp cloth was pressed to it.

"We've got a little bit of time, so just give it a minute." He took the advice, because it was all he felt capable of right now. The pain began to ebb, but it still lingered and probably would for the rest of the day.

"It's okay, Chigiri. I'm here."

He knew that, Kunigami said it often enough, and it was stifling. It had been years since he'd had to be accountable to anyone, and he wished he could just have some space sometimes. Yeah, he felt like crap, but he was used to that and had always been able to deal with it on his own terms if nothing else. He didn't like being forced to confront it and push through it. Besides, Kunigami couldn't possibly know what it was like, to crave a hit, to be consumed by that need, to be willing to do anything to get it.

"Just shut up."

"Okay…"

Kunigami's tone had Chigiri opening his eyes again to assess the damage. The problem with Kunigami was that everything he felt was right there on his face, and he looked hurt now. Chigiri didn't want to hurt him, but he also couldn't be the person Kunigami wanted him to be.

"Damn it," he said through clenched teeth. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. But let's just get this over with."

He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, gripping the sheets for a minute, as a wave of nausea rolled over him. Sometimes it settled, but not today…

"I'm gonna…"

Kunigami was already there with the bucket, holding it for him with one hand, the other rubbing big, gentle circles on Chigiri's back while he upchucked the small amount of food he'd managed to stomach the previous night.

When he finished, Kunigami sat the bucket aside and used the cloth to wipe his face for him.

"You okay?" Kunigami checked.

"I think so…" he said, basing his reply on the fact that he didn't think he was gonna barf again right now. As for the rest of it…

Kunigami nodded.

"Get dressed while I clean this up."

"Okay…"

He managed to peel his nightclothes off and pull on some fresh things that Kunigami had laid out for him. Chigiri did appreciate that Kunigami was doing his best to take care of him, but it all felt hollow and pointless. He's wasting his time. I'm a lost cause.

Still, he kept going through the motions, letting Kunigami help him, because what else could he do? He was homeless, penniless, and useless. I've got nothing and nowhere to go even if I do leave. His family had given up on him years ago, and he had no real friends.

Kunigami came back, somehow still upbeat after dealing with vomit.

"Did you brush your teeth?"

That was a good point. He went to the bathroom and cleaned himself up a little, using all the things Kunigami had bought for him. He did his best to avoid his reflection in the mirror. It wasn't the greasy, messy hair or the gaunt face that he really didn't want to see, it was the dull look in his eyes that he hated the most. He'd let the world win. Still, the only alternative to switching off was pain, so he let it be and just tried not to think about any of it too much.

"Ready?"

"I guess."

It was torture, being forced to endure commuting every day when he felt so sick, but he knew if he didn't suffer through it, he'd feel a lot worse. He rode the train with his hood pulled up, Kunigami hovering close, one arm braced loosely across his back keeping him steady.

He stole a glance at Kunigami's face, he looked so strong and healthy, so ready to face any challenge the world threw at him. I know he has a hero complex, but I'm sure he could find a better cause than me.

They made it to the hospital, and he was given the drug he needed to keep the worst of the withdrawal symptoms at bay. It was given as a syrup and he felt like a little kid as it was doled out to him and he was watched as he swallowed it, but the shame wasn't enough to prevent him swallowing it as quickly as he could, nothing came before getting the hit.

He knew he had about thirty minutes before it kicked in, and then he would feel better for a while.

"Let's go."

Kunigami stuck close by his side, and Chigiri didn't blame him. Getting to the hospital is a given, but if he wasn't beside me now, I might end up anywhere. Sometimes he wanted to run, to go back to the streets where he had no expectation on him except that he would be back for another hit when addiction demanded it. But then…

"How are you feeling?"

How long had it been since anyone had asked him that? Since anyone had given a shit if he was even alive?

Kunigami was looking down at him with those kind eyes, and it hurt. He's too good. I don't deserve him.

He looked away before the lump in his throat got any tighter.

"I'm fine." It was true and also a total lie.

xxx

Naively, Kunigami had believed that being back together would make things better, but Chigiri wasn't like he remembered. As the days wore on he spent most of his time in bed, or laying on the couch, unreceptive to any form of interaction. He barely ate, and didn't bother with personal grooming. He just didn't seem to want to engage in life at all.

Kunigami looked at Chigiri's hair, he used to take so much pride in it, but now it hung limp and greasy. It might seem like a small thing, but to Kunigami it was a very visible sign that Chigiri wasn't well or interested in taking care of himself.

He crouched down beside Chigiri. He knew he was pushing again, but he had to. This is hard, but not for the reasons I thought it might be. For now the physical problems had to come first, and he would deal with repairing their relationship later if need be.

"Do you wanna take a bath?"

"No…" Chigiri refused. Kunigami had been informed of the side effects of methadone, which included drowsiness and impaired cognition. Maybe Chigiri really couldn't do these things for himself right now. If he can't think to do these things for himself, then I'll have to think for him.

"You need one," Kunigami decided.

"Kunigami, I can't…"

"I know," he allowed. "That's why I'm gonna help you."

Chigiri didn't even argue. He just let Kunigami carry him to the bathroom. He had to end up undressing Chigiri too, which broke his heart more than anything. It was such a simple task he couldn't handle for himself, and when he saw Chigiri's body, his pity only increased.

"You're so thin. You've gotta try eating more."

"I don't want to. I feel sick all the time."

"I know. Let's just worry about this for now then."

He helped Chigiri step into the bath and sit, then crouched down beside the tub.

"Try not to fall asleep, but if you do, I've got you. Okay?"

Chigiri nodded.

Kunigami grabbed a sponge and some soap, washing Chigiri as best he could, trying not to get his own burns too wet in the process.

"I'm gonna wash your hair too, okay? Sorry if I don't do it properly like you would."

Chigiri's hair was a tangled mess. He thought back on their Blue Lock days, so many of his memories outside of soccer where of watching Chigiri dry and brush and style it.

"You used to take such good care of it. It was beautiful."

"Maybe it'd be easier to cut it all off…"

That was too sad to think about and felt like it would be an admission of defeat.

"Please don't," he told Chigiri as he ran his fingers through it to work out the tangles. "We can manage it. I'll help you."

Chigiri leaned forward, hugging his knees and sighed.

"So you keep saying…"

Once he got Chigiri dried and dressed, he reached into the bathroom cupboard.

"Check it out," he grinned, presenting the hairdryer. It was an old one that his sister had given him, in case his niece ever stayed over and needed to use it.

"Very retro…"

"I'm glad you like it," he teased, feeling for a second like he'd glimpsed a spark of something in his friend.

He wrapped a towel around Chigiri's shoulders and turned the dryer on, testing the temperature, not wanting to burn him.

"What temperature is best?" he wondered, looking at the dial on the dryer.

"Medium damages it less but it takes longer."

"Medium it is," he said, adjusting the temperature control before directing it at Chigiri's head. Long red hair blew everywhere.

"Point the nozzle down if you want it to shine."

"Okay," Kunigami said, changing the angle which gave him more control too. "That's better."

For the next few minutes he just focused on the task. Chigiri's hair was longer than it had been, reaching midway down his back now. He watched in satisfaction as it began to dry, which brought out the shine in it. It really is beautiful.

"If you want any products for it, just let me know. I'll try to find the right ones."

"Uh-huh…"

Once it was done, they both needed a break. Kunigami's arms were stinging under the bandages, and Chigiri was always tired. They sat on the couch together to rest.

"That's better, huh?" Kunigami said.

"I guess," Chigiri agreed, laying down so his head was on Kunigami's thigh. In that moment Chigiri reminded him of a big cat, unconcerned with anything except it's own comfort. It sparked a memory of Chigiri's old nickname; Red Panther… Seemed like he was still living up to it.

Now that Chigiri's hair was soft and shining, Kunigami couldn't resist stroking it. He glided his hand over the silky strands, half expecting Chigiri to start purring. He didn't, but he did seem to relax a little which could only be a good thing. He's still here, underneath all the neglect and pain. I hope he starts to feel comfortable here, I want him to stick around long enough for me to see him shine again.