The day after Reina went home, Chigiri got a text from Reo. He wanted to meet up for dinner and Kunigami was back on shift, so Chigiri figured he might as well go. Plus, he had told Reo he'd listen if he needed him to, so he should make himself available.

They met up at an izakaya and got a private room again. They ordered tempura and karaage, and beer to drink.

"How'd your colleagues like the new do?" Chigiri teased.

"I pulled them out as soon as I was out of sight."

"I knew you had a sweet side. Thanks for humouring Reina, I didn't know she was quite so wary around strangers when I invited you."

"You must've known her a while though? She's very comfortable with you."

"That was actually only the second time I've seen her. She took to me for some reason."

Reo looked him up and down.

"I guess you would have that effect."

Chigiri felt his cheeks warm up but tried to ignore it.

During dinner, Chigiri allowed himself one beer to be social. Alcohol had never been a problem for him but he didn't want to put himself in a position where other things might start to seem like a good idea. Reo was less restrained, drinking beer after beer at a steady pace.

They talked about life and soccer, the focus all on Reo, who's tongue was getting looser because he was tipsy. Eventually the conversation turned to Chigiri's videos after Reina had mentioned them the day before. Reo insisted on seeing some, so Chigiri found a short one to show him, just to get him to drop it. Reo looked up from the screen, a considering look on his face. He reached out and ran his fingers along a strand of Chigiri's hair, then leaned in and touched his cheek.

"You really are beautiful. We'd be good together, don't you think?"

"What are you talking about?" Chigiri dismissed.

"This…" Then Reo leaned in and kissed him. Chigiri was too shocked and confused to do anything.

Reo pulled back and looked into his eyes, hand still cupping his cheek.

"You didn't pull away, so I guess that means you don't hate the idea…"

For a second he had the thought that he could to do this, he didn't care about Reo the way he did about Kunigami, and Reo was already kind of broken so associating with him wasn't going to carry the same kind of guilt that being with Kunigami would. If he had to choose between the two, sleeping with Reo would be much easier, they could probably just have fun, but something about the look in Reo's eyes made him wary. It was too familiar, too full of regret.

Reo leaned in to kiss him again but this time Chigiri stopped him.

"Stop. What are you doing, Reo? You don't really want this."

"Yes, I do. I've been thinking about you a lot…" Reo leaned in to try again, and Chigiri pressed a hand to his chest to hold him back.

"I said stop."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

Reo frowned.

"It's Kunigami, isn't it?"

"No. I'm worried about you. I don't think this is what you really want. I don't think I'm who you really want."

"What would you know?" Reo sneered.

"Hey, I'm not trying to be a dick. I just think you'll regret it if you don't face your true feelings. Trying to hide from them doesn't help. Trust me."

Reo gave him a searching look, then slumped back in his seat.

"God, I thought you wanted this too. You reached out. You found an excuse to touch me. I thought you wanted to help me forget."

"What? That wasn't… I am here for you, Reo. Just not like that."

Reo frowned again.

"This is the only way you can help. He's not coming back, I just need to forget him and move on. Please."

"Is it really that hopeless? Have you tried reaching out?"

"What good would it do? He ran off to the other side of the world. Chigiri, please?" Reo insisted, pressing closer again, slipping an arm behind him, breathing the words against his neck. "I promise I'll make it good for you too."

Chigiri was absolutely torn. Reo was pressed close, warm and willing. Part of him wanted to give in, it did sound good and it had been a long time since he'd had sex. While it hadn't always been great for him, he did miss it. Reo was attractive and being a friend he knew he wouldn't hurt him physically. Maybe, if they just didn't kiss, it would be okay.

He looked into Reo's pretty eyes, full of sadness, and knew he could make him feel good. He wanted to help, but in the end that desperate look behind them had him drawing away.

"I can't…"

A flash of anger played across Reo's face, but then he pulled away, eyes filling with tears that spilled down his cheeks.

"I'm such an idiot…"

"No," Chigiri assured him. "Of course losing the person you love hurts."

"I'm sorry. I should be over it by now. I know that. It's been so long. Why can't I get him out of my head?"

"Reo…"

He tried to lay a comforting hand on Reo's shoulder but Reo shrugged him off.

"No. I'm pathetic. Did you know that I stayed in this world just in case we might cross paths again one day? Being around soccer players is torture, but I can't… let it go…"

Reo broke down crying then. No doubt some of it was because he'd had enough alcohol to lower his guard, but the tears and pain were very real. Chigiri wanted to hug him, but he didn't, he couldn't give Reo the wrong idea.

"I'm sorry he did this to you. I know it hurts, and has for a long time, but things can get better. They do get better."

"How..?" Reo sobbed.

"You work on it. And you ask for help when you need it."

"I just tried that…"

"I know. The thing about all this is that it's hard. But you're not alone. I'm here. Kunigami too."

He let that sit between them, let Reo have a moment to gather himself. Eventually, Reo turned to him.

"What happened to you, Chigiri? The way you talk. The way Kunigami is with you, the way you are with him, it's more than a buddy helping a buddy out."

He didn't really want to talk about his shameful past, but if owning it would help Reo, he'd do it.

"You're right. He pulled me out of a hole that was so deep no light could reach me. After my injury, I got hooked on the meds, became an addict. I was on a one-way road to nowhere, and then he was there. He got me clean. I owe him my life, in more ways than one."

Reo was silent a long moment, thinking it over.

"I get it. There's no way I can compete with that."

"It's not a competition, you're important too. But I want you to feel better the right way, I know firsthand how bad things can get when you make the wrong choices."

"I'm sorry," Reo said, scrubbing his sleeve across his eyes. "I've made things weird between us now."

"No, it's fine. I get what pain does to people. Let me walk you home, okay?"

Reo agreed and they walked side by side in silence. Chigiri's head was racing, trying to figure out if he'd said and done the right things. There probably wasn't really much he could do for Reo, but he definitely didn't want to make things worse.

When they reached Reo's place Chigiri stopped at the door, not trusting himself if he went any further. Reo turned to him, understanding this was as far as he could go. Reo leaned in and for a second Chigiri thought he was going to kiss him again, but instead Reo spoke into his ear.

"You're amazing, Chigiri. Kunigami's a lucky guy."

He leaned back and gave Chigiri a tight smile.

"If it doesn't work out with him, give me a call."

When Reo closed the door, Chigiri let out the breath he'd been holding. That was hard.

After leaving Reo's place, his head was a mess, so he walked. He kept seeing Reo's face, how upset he'd been, and he kept hearing his own voice, wondering if he'd said the right things or not. Maybe he should have stayed, made sure Reo was okay. But underneath all that his guilt was gnawing at him. Even now, after everything, he'd wanted to give in and do the easy thing, the thing that felt good in the moment. Part of him wanted to turn around and go back, take Reo up on his offer but he couldn't do it to Kunigami. Even though they weren't together, he knew how Kunigami felt about him, it was clear in every look and every action. He loves me. I don't deserve it, but he does.

With his mind reeling, it took him a while before he realised his feet had subconsciously led him to his old neighbourhood. It was a well-worn path, when things got too hard, there was only one way to deal with it. He'd go out and score, take something to make it all go away for a while. How many times had he automatically walked these streets to get what he needed?

The thing was though, he wasn't fighting alone anymore and he had other options. He was stronger now, but that strength had limits. He pulled out his phone and called Kunigami, before he did something really stupid.

Kunigami answered on the third ring.

"Hey, Chigiri. What's up?"

He sounds so happy, but I don't know how to not be a burden. He swallowed, choking back tears.

"Can you come get me?"

Kunigami's tone instantly took on a more serious note.

"Where are you?"

I don't wanna admit it…

"Chigiri?"

But I have to.

"My old neighbourhood."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. For now..."

"Chigiri, listen. Don't do anything before I get there. You hear me? You wait for me. Please."

Kunigami sounded so desperate. I'm a terrible person for doing this to him.

"Okay," he agreed, guilt still gnawing at him, for his selfish thoughts and for everything he was putting Kunigami through.

While he waited, he couldn't just stay put, so he walked again, ending up in front of the shell of the building he used to live in. It was a sorry sight, burned out and condemned, empty. It hadn't been much, but it had been fitting for him.

He was gazing up at it when he heard Kunigami's voice, and then he was there, a shining beacon in the darkness, but Chigiri felt like his feet were rooted to the spot. He had no right to demand anything, to take more than he already had, he just had to wait and see what Kunigami would do.

Of course Kunigami closed the distance between them as fast as he could and wrapped Chigiri up, holding on to him so tight.

"Thank goodness, Chigiri. Are you alright?"

He shook his head against Kunigami's chest. He couldn't speak, he was gonna cry if he did. So instead he just nestled into Kunigami's chest and let the bigger man hold him. I'm not strong like he is.

"Let's get you home."

Chigiri let Kunigami lead him to a car he had parked nearby. Kunigami answered his questioning look.

"Sato at the station loaned it to me."

"Oh shit, you were at work." I've messed up again.

"It's fine. My shift was all but over. You were right to call. Always call if you need me, okay?"

Chigiri nodded because that was what Kunigami needed from him.

Once they were on the road, the immediate danger behind them, Kunigami spoke.

"What happened?"

Kunigami knew he'd gone to meet up with Reo.

"He's a mess, Kunigami. Nagi really did a number on him."

"It's been years. He's really still not over it?"

"He's in love. Or was. I don't know. I don't know if he'll ever get over it."

Kunigami reached over and took his hand, giving it a supportive squeeze.

"Chigiri, you're a good friend."

Kunigami had it wrong. He wasn't just upset on behalf of a friend, he wasn't good like Kunigami was.

"No. I… He kissed me. He wanted more. I thought about giving it to him. Sex can be like a drug too, and he needed it. I figure I'm already used up, so what difference would it have made?"

He felt Kunigami's fingers tense, but he didn't let go. That was something.

"That's not true…"

Chigiri didn't reply. It was Kunigami who broke the silence, voice strangely tight.

"…what stopped you?"

"In the end, avoiding pain doesn't work. I couldn't facilitate him."

Kunigami squeezed his hand again.

"That's good, Chigiri. You've come so far."

Chigiri huffed out a laugh, and squeezed Kunigami's hand in return. No matter what, Kunigami always had a way of making him feel better.

"You're the only one who'd see it like that, Hero…"

The rest of the drive was in silence, but it wasn't awkward, just quiet. They both had things to think about, and they could do that side by side.

When they got home, Chigiri figured it'd be best if they just drew a line under the day and went to bed. If he knew one thing it was that the world didn't stop because you were having a rough day. He realised that's where his thought process used to end, but now he knew tomorrow could be better. Because of him. He looked up at Kunigami who pulled him into a hug. He probably needs this as much as I do. Pressed against the taller man, felt Kunigami's big hand stroking his hair.

"This was really tough for you, huh?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "I tried to be there for him, like you have been for me, but I don't know if it helped. It did make me think though, about how hard all this must've been for you. Being inside it is one thing, but having to stand by and watch someone you care about struggle is a different kind of hard. And that was only a few hours. You've been doing it for months. Thank you so much."

"Yeah," Kunigami agreed, voice catching the tiniest bit. "It is hard. But more than that, those moments when I see you fighting, or when you're doing better, they make me so proud and grateful. Think about where you were six months ago, and now you've been able to reach out to help someone else. And you called. I'm so, so glad you called."

"Because of you," Chigiri said, holding on tighter, suddenly struck by the enormity of what he'd almost thrown away. How could I? This is everything. Being here with him. "I'm sorry. I was weak. Again."

"It's okay. We all have times like that, that's why it's important you know I'm here for you. I can be strong for you when you can't be."

"Yeah," Chigiri agreed, snuggling in tighter, finally feeling the tension of the last few hours start to loosen. "My hero..."

xxx

His heart had been in his throat the day Chigiri called, from the moment he ended the call until he'd seen Chigiri standing there on that street waiting for him. It had rattled him that Chigiri might still think of drugs as a coping mechanism, but he was so proud that Chigiri had made the right choice and called.

As for the bombshell he'd dropped, getting hit on and maybe considering it, that one stung. Another guy kissed him. And I think under different circumstances, he might've kept going.

He would have liked to think that Chigiri didn't see anyone else like that, not now, not after everything they'd been through together, but just because Chigiri had almost slept with someone else, wasn't a reason to confess to him. He would be doing it purely for himself, to make a claim, and that wasn't right. He didn't want Chigiri to be his, he wanted a relationship with him, a partnership, something they both drew strength and happiness from. And if that isn't what he wants, if he doesn't see me like that, then I have to accept that, however much it hurts.