Content warning: Steamy scene at the end.
- Sensory Drills -
Summers in Konoha were notoriously hot, and ran well into the late weeks of the September month. Even in the evenings, the sun clung to its foothold in the sky, extending business hours well past their usual closing times.
This was why Sakura's apartment was still violently hot when she got home from her shift at the hospital. She discards her shoes and work bag by the door, deciding to deal with them after a shower. Or maybe a nap? She was exhausted…
She flops face down onto her doublewide couch, too tired to even turn on the overhead fan.
It would be so easy to just close her eyes and sleep for a week… But she has no time for such luxuries. There's barely two hours before she needs to rally for Ino's birthday, and a nap would likely turn into a solid 10 hours of unconsciousness. Since she doesn't feel like spending the rest of the year apologizing to Ino for missing her party, Sakura decided to forego said nap and try to push through her exhaustion.
"What would I do without you, Sakura?"
Kakashi's voice is still ringing in her ears, tempting her towards her bedroom to help clear her head. Her body tingled in places it shouldn't. She needs a distraction and she needs one fast. Something to just get her through the next two hours…
She could always work on that…
The matter is settled. Jutsu practice it is. It's either that, or dealing with the pile of dishes in her sink which held substantially less appeal.
And so, with herculean effort, Sakura peels herself off her sofa and staggers over to her work desk. The usually tidy space is scattered with scrolls and text books borrowed from Tsunade's library. She opens her workbook to her last practice session and scans over the web of notes. Several words are circled with tangential ideas written in the margins-
Prefrontal cortex. Lucid dreaming. Sympathetic Resonance.
Sakura cracks her neck left to right with a satisfying pop, then sets her spine into a neutral posture. She rests her palms on the tops of her knees and begins counting the length of her breath. In her mind, she runs through a series of meditation drills. Taking a slow breath in, she relaxes her body, gradually allowing her thoughts to drift…
The first time Sakura successfully cast a Genjutsu on herself, she had chalked it up to a freak accident. Self exposure to Genjutsu was impossible, surely it had been a fluke that would never repeat itself. And yet, a few months later, it happened again: the imaginary hands of her long held obsession roaming her body like a free for all. It wasn't until her third experience (one where her imaginary Kakashi bent her over her kitchen table) that she'd truly begun to do research into self-induced Genjutsu.
Because science, obviously.
And yet, the more academic research she did, the fewer answers she came away with.
Everyone knew you couldn't cast a genjutsu on yourself. It just wasn't possible, the same way it's nearly impossible to tickle yourself. The human brain is just too attuned to monitoring it's own movements. The very act of choosing to tickle yourself overrides the surprise needed to experience the sensation.
The same rules roughly applied to Genjutsu. The very act of trying to cast an illusion negated the mental conditions necessary to experience one. This had lead Sakura to researching a similar topic, one where you could be simultaneously asleep and awake.
Lucid dreaming.
While researching, she'd found that in deep REM sleep, people with the ability to lucid dream were able to activate only their prefrontal cortex. This ability, with practice, allowed them to control and manipulate their dreams as if they were awake. If Genjutsu affected only cranial chakra, then her Licid Dreaming Jutsu would need to be even more fine tuned; even more isolated and refined. To make her experimental jutsu work reliably, she needed to develop her ability to stimulate chakra exclusively in her prefrontal cortex.
It was incredibly delicate, difficult work that required an unmatched ability to multi-task, as well as the ability to manipulate chakra in isolated limbs. But nothing requires one to multitask quite like being a chakra surgeon, of which Sakura was a prodigy. Where most Ninja manipulated chakra through their hand seals, Sakura's perfect chakra control meant she could manipulate pockets of chakra anywhere in her body.
The trouble was sustaining that concentration when things got too…distracting. This was where her sensory drills came into play. Taking another soothing breath, she moves through her drills, one at a time.
Genjutsu could be considered artificial stimulation causing it's receiver to experience organic sensations. By practicing these drills in a meditative state, she could now reproduce various sensations, but reliably only manifest one sense at a time. Smell and olfactory responses always came the easiest, so she decided to start there today.
Manipulating her chakra with a gentle touch, the lightning smell of O-zone zips up her nose, drowning out the ambient smells of her apartment.
Olfactory drill: Check.
Next came the Auditory test.
The smell of O-zone quickly dissipates around her, replaced by the sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. With a little bit of finessing, she is able to layer multiple sounds: The growl of thunder muted by the smack of raindrops tiptap-ing against her window sill. The difficulty of this drill lay in making sure she didn't drown out the noises of the outside world.
Auditory drill: Check. Ok, time for a trickier one.
Tactile sensations could be easy or difficult to reproduce, depending on the stimulation. Pain was usually easier to recall than pleasure, but it was not without it's share of dangers. Synthetic pain still felt real, and if she pushed too far into it, she could jolt herself out of her meditation. For this exercise, she decides to try a mix of relief and discomfort.
With a little more effort than usual, the frosty bite of a snowy breeze brushes across her skin. Sakura can feel the hair on her arms stand up strait in response to a winter breeze that only she can feel.
Lucid dreams of kissing Kakashi aside, it was these little bodily responses that ultimately drove her to pursue this work. The implications of being able to stimulate various sensations in ones own body were...limitless. The ability to mentally counteract adverse conditions in the field with nothing but a self administered Genjutsu? Drugless anesthesia to self-numb a wound during a life or death battle? Her theories could potentially be life saving, if she could develop them beyond theories.
But despite all of her recent progress, Sakura's Yume-Jutsu was far from battle ready. What good could it ultimately do her if she had to remain fairly still just to sustain it?
When another icy wave of air passes over her neck, Sakura sighs in contentment. For now, she could at least indulge in her jutsu's non-battle applications.
Ahhh. Powerless air conditioning.
Letting go of the cold air, Sakura moves on to her Visual drills.
This drill for her often hinged on context. For example, if she tried to convince her brain that there was a living elephant squatting in her living room, the Jutsu would inevitably fail. The more believable the vision she was trying to conjure, the more likely she could manifest it. Familiarity with the subject of her visual drill also played a critical factor.
Maybe that was why her Kakshi hallucinations had always been so perfect. She had patched her Sensei up so many times at this point, she was deeply familiar with every bone in his body.
'Focus.' She scolds herself.
Opening her eyes, Sakura looks down at her desk, studying the details of her open notebook. With a simple thought push, an identical journal appears beside it, replicated down to the finest detail.
Looking across the living room, she pushes on the thought again. As she blinks, the same journal reappears open faced, this time on her dining room table.
Visual drill: Check.
Over the next hour, Sakura would continue running through several multi-sensory drills. These involved layering different kinds of sensations to generate more complex experiences. She would start with a base stimuli that acted as the keystone, then build her jutsu around that detail.
She's currently attempting to layer a fourth sensation onto her current illusion when her vision begins to swim. In her chest, her heart races from the chakra toll her Jutsu is putting on her nervous system. And yet, she would not be deterred. She pushes on, trying to afix the fourth layer into place.
For the last week, motivated by Konoha's unrelenting heat, she'd been attempting to recreate a snowstorm in her apartment, layering the smells, sounds, chills and sights of a blizzard she had experienced last year in the land of Snow.
She can feel her lips turning blue from how cold the room was. But despite the effectiveness of her third sensory-layer, she still couldn't make the visual layer hold. The snow was too wild, too chaotic. Her brow begins to sweat from her straining efforts, despite her freezing skin. When her vision tilts a second time, she loses control of the illusion all together, chakra snapping around her like a split rubber band.
All at once, reality pitches back into place, rolling through her like a gut-punch. Her self induced blizzard vanishes in a flash, and Sakura has to try her best not to throw up.
The jarring change in sensations leave her dizzy and even more exhausted than before. For a brief moment, her ears echo with the ring of tinnitus. Gradually, the world begins to right itself again, her nausea easing to a tolerable level.
Sakura slides herself off her chair to lay on the floor, energetically spent. Laying down is just a precautionary measure incase she suddenly passed out. (Which unfortunately has happened before.)
She rolls onto her back to catch her breath, her living room once more hot and stifling. She had failed to successfully nail down the fourth layer. Again.
"God damnit."
Even after two years of secret practice, she was struggling to achieve a complete five-sensory immersion.
Across the living room, an unseen wall clock ticks away at the unseen time. Sakura lays there for what feels like forever. Her bones are rubber and her mouth is dry. She starts running through various scenarios in her head.
What was she doing wrong? She must be missing something. Why she could barely sustain a level 4 Yume-jutsu, and yet manifest a fully realized Kakashi? It just didn't make sense.
A small voice whispers in the back of her mind. 'Dreams are an art, not a science.'
Opening her eyes, Sakura looks up at her ceiling fan, wishing it would move. The shadows of her apartment were beginning to grow long. The summer sun was finally making its descent. She was running out of time before she'd have to leave for Ino's party, and yet…
She couldn't stomach the idea of another day passing without making any progress in her work. This was too important. There was too much potential..
'You could manifest him for help…' Her traitorous mind supplies. 'He isn't real. What's the harm?'
Conflict wrestles with desire in her heart. She knew there was one thing she could still try… But last time she'd promised herself enough was enough. No more summoning Yume-Kakashi, period. It just hurt too much every time she did.
But how long had it been since she'd last seen him? Since she'd dreamed him into reality in this very room? Three months? Four maybe?
A longing ache curls in her low belly, making itself known between her legs. Once, she had wondered if her other illusions failed because she merely wanted them to be true. But when it came to imagining her sensei... the image of Kakashi dragging her down into his lap, working her body with those long, deft fingers… That was something she needed.
'No.' She reminds herself again. She'd promised.
Kakashi's husky voice from earlier is still playing like a song on repeat in her floaty brain.
"What would I do without you, Sakura?"
It had been one thing when the she'd merely fantasized about athletic, gratuitous sex and prolonged bodily explorations with her Sensei. What could she say, she had a healthy relationship with her sexuality, and her Yume-Jutsu was a Thousand times safer than casual sex with strangers. But then… once she'd had her fill of just fantasizing, she'd made the mistake of allowing herself to dream.
Without intending to, she'd begun to spend hours in bed slowly kissing him, her arms wrapped around his torso as she soothed herself to sleep. She loved passing out warm in Yume-Kakashi's imaginary body heat. She hated waking up in her bed, cold and alone. She hadn't understood what she'd been doing to herself until it was far too late. Somehow, her physical appreciation for her cranky and aloof Sensei had turned into an imaginary relationship with his hallucinated doppelgänger. One day, upon seeing Kakashi, she'd had to stop herself from accidentally kissing him hello.
Bad bad bad Sakura-
That's when she'd decided there had to be a line. For her own mental health, she'd needed to put Yume-Kakashi in a box and just appreciate the Sensei she had. And up till now, she'd kept her word. Four months and she hadn't summoned him since. But… That was also when she'd stopped making progress in her Jutsu. After today's sloppy practice session, it even felt like her abilities were backsliding.
In the heat of the room, her wall clock ticks on and on and on…
Debating her choices wasn't going to expand them. She could either summon him, or not. Option 1 or option 2.
She takes a breath, pushing down her desire. She could do this. She could be good...
'Okay.' She thinks, 'Nothing unnecessary. Just conjure the contrarian you bickered with today. Just cranky Kakashi, none of your hero-worship. Just keep it clinical, and you'll be fine.'
Slowly in her mind, she counts to ten…
And just like that, the air around her is suddenly alive. She recognizes his presence in the room the way you recognize heat on your skin. Her heart pounds with excitement, anticipation...
She can both feel and heard his footsteps walking over to her, kneeling just beside her body. Her eyes flick open and up to his. Her Kakashi smiles down at her through his mask.
Despite knowing she shouldn't give into temptaion, her love for him blooms violently in her chest. She knows that later it will leave an aching bruise, but those are worries for another time.
"Long time no see." Her Kakashi says simply. He reaches out a bare hand to brush the backs of his knuckles down her neck.
Auditory…Visual…Tactile: Check.
Chakra hums across her skin, and her cheeks burned hot into a firework blush. He reads her mind in that telepathic way he does, smiling down into her glowing face. Then, without another word, Yume-Kakashi bids her to sit up, hungrily pulling her into his lap. She tries not to enjoy the touch as she settles into him, chest to chest.
"So, what are we working on today?" He asks, his breath washing across the side of her neck.
"I was hoping you could tell me." She replies, sighing into his embrace. Here in the heat of her living room, his arms around her are like hot tea on a hot day.
She knew academically that his body wasn't really there; that physically nothing was actually touching her… and yet her nerves respond to his fingertips, drowning her brain in dopamine. One of his hands cradles the back of her neck while the other draws lazy circles on the bare skin of her thighs.
'Good job Sakura. Way to stay clinical.'
Yume-Kakashi frowns at her as if hearing her thoughts again. "It's not my fault I'm good at my job." He smirks.
She violently smothers the urge to kiss him. "You're right, it's mine." She says defeatedly.
He leans back just enough to look at her. "I can be more of an ass, if you'd like. That's what we're going for, right? Maximum authenticity?"
"If we were going for maximum authenticity, you would be across the room with your hands in your pockets and calling me kid."
Yume-Kakashi tilts his head, snowy white bangs falling over his eyes. "He doesn't see you as a kid. Neither do I."
Sakura looks down at her hands, fidgeting with the hem of his imaginary T-shirt. She needed a change in subject, fast.
"I wanted to prove to myself I could do this without you, but I can't even reproduce a simple snow storm on my own."
Yume-Kakashi frowns, considering. "Why don't we try manifesting something a little less exciting then."
"Less exciting than the weather?" She deadpans.
"I think I have just the thing." He laughs, and readjusts her in his lap. He turns her around so her back is pressed against his chest, and he laces his arms around her stomach.
"Close your eyes." He instructed gently.
She can feel his imaginary breath brush the outer shell of her ear. Fuck, he's using Kakashi's husky voice. It trips shivers down the steps of her spine. "Why do I need to do that?" She asks cautiously.
"Because you like surprises, and I like what you like. Plus, visual stimuli can be very taxing. Let's try building the other senses up first and tacking the visuals on last."
Despite knowing she should pull away from him, Sakura does as she is told. She is at heart a teachers pet, even now as an adult. She closes her eyes and immediately the sharpness of his body slides into focus. The texture of his shirt pops into her awareness, as well as the hardness of his rib cage behind her.
A rustling noise catches her attention, and she recognizes it as the opening of a thin cardboard box. Despite this all being a dream of her own making, she can't tell what her Kakashi is doing.
"Okay, keep your eyes closed, but find my hands in front of you." He commands.
Sakura turns her palms out, following the lines of his arms down to her lap. She feels the prickly edges of a box in his hands. She explores the shape and size of it with her fingers, all the while keeping her eyes tightly closed.
"Now, envision this box in your minds eye. What color is it? What material? Memorize it by touch before we move on to the next step."
"This feels familiar…" Sakura says. The box is almost flimsy, constructed out of folded cardboard or maybe paper? It's very light and no bigger than his palm. The sound of something nestled in paper shifts around inside it.
"Lightly shake the box so you can hear it, then bring it up to your nose. What can you smell?"
At his prompting, a new sensory-wave washes over her. Not caring that she probably looks ridiculous, she presses her nose deep inside the box, inhaled a rich, candy like scent. Her face split into a wide smile.
"Know what it is yet?"
"Wagashi." She beams. "The red bean ones dad use to buy for mom on their anniversary." The ones in the Haruno-red paper box that reminded her dad of his home town.
"Imagine every detail of the box you're holding. Pick up the treat and try to remember what they taste like before you take a bite."
Blindly, Sakura reaches into the box and lifts the wagashi out. She's trying to remember the texture of the bean paste when Yume-Kakashi starts grazing lazy kisses down her neck.
"That's not fair. You're being distracting." She says, trying and failing to pull away from his lips. His teeth leave a trail of small bites down her shoulder.
"I'm providing a fuller, richer sensory experience." He insists. "For science."
"For science." She parrots. It takes all her self control not to tilt her hips into the palm he slides up her inner thigh.
The room around her is warm and quiet. His arms pull her firmly back into his chest. His mouth is doing things to her neck that mask covered mouths shouldn't be able to do. The candies' paper liner rustles in the box when he lightly jostles her in his hunt for more of her skin.
Through all this distraction, she remembers the taste of the candy from her childhood. When she finally takes a bite, the sugar is ecstasy on her tongue. She whimpers out loud, both from the taste and Yume-Kakashi's lips on her jaw.
He presses his nose against her temple. "Ready for that fifth sensory layer?" He asks.
"Depends, are you going to stop being a tease?"
"Fine, fine. I'll behave. When you're ready, slowly open your eyes." Reluctantly, he stills so as not to distract her.
And still, Sakura wavers, keeping her eyes closed. Her bliss is a bubble, and she doesn't want it to pop yet…
Maybe her hesitation isn't about whether or not she could… but whether or not she should be doing this. On the one hand, her Yume-jutsu could be her gift to the world. While she didn't know exactly what she could do with it yet, it had the potential to change everything.
But on the other hand, what would this practice session ultimately cost her? Another 4 months of a Kakashi-hangover? Another lonely night of sleeping alone, fighting back the urge to summon him just to fall asleep in his arms?
"You can do this." Yume-Kakashi encourages. "Trust me."
Silently, Sakura says a prayer and slowly flutters open her eyes.
Something in her mind clicked into place. Every sensation around her begins to sing.
The cherry red paper box in her hand is exactly how she remembers it, right down to how the flimsy cardboard buckles at the corners. The Wagashi she holds is still half eaten, her fingertips dusted with powdered sugar. The man enveloping her in his embrace feels brilliantly real and alive. When she turns her head to look him in the eyes, he stares down at her like she's the dream and he's the one manifesting her.
"Told you." He whispers, leaning in.
And because old habits die hard, the red box tumbles from her hands. Their mouths collide, their hands are everywhere.
His palms explore the long miles her body while hers thread through the softness of his hair. She gasps and moans at his electric touches, scrambling to press agains every inch of him. He tastes her mouth in long sweeping kisses, pressing her back into the floorboards. His imaginary bodyweight pins her to the ground, preventing her from escaping his mind reading touch.
She counts the stars that burn her vision when he slipped the pads of his fingers up her skirt. She's distracted by his tongue down her throat, but hisses hard when those fingers find home. Her hips buck savagely against his palm as he coaxes her voice into blissful cries. She squirms, but he pins her down. He isn't letting her go until she sings his name.
Her head swims dizzy from his touch and his teeth on her neck. She cries out from the need building inside her. Oh god, she was coming undone already-
"I missed you." He mumbles into her mouth, then swallows his own name when it escapes her lips.
He brushes his thumb over her clit, knowing just how to break her. Everything is fire, and then everything erupts.
"Promise me, Sakura-" He says as she comes. The frictions of his voice works her into a climax that arches her body clear off the floor.
One by one, her sensations begin to dissipate. Her head swims from the orgasm and the buzzing of a chakra-high. She shuts her eyes tight against the deep orange sunlight flooding into her living room.
The taste of powdered sugar is nothing but a memory. The phantom feel of a last kiss lingers on the skin of her temple. She hears four whispered words that vanish with the rest of her dream…
"Don't forget about me." Yume-Kakashi says.
And just like that, once more, she is alone.