Alright guys, we're chugging along. I'm really happy with the direction we are headed. Only a few more set-up chapters before the momentum really takes off. Thank you for sticking it out with me! I'm trying to keep a good balance of romance while also highlight Sakura's personal goals that go beyond just having a love interest. Have faith that I won't do anyone dirty, I promise all our heroes will end up with the ending that is right for them. In the mean time, here's the next installment, and THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to those of you leaving me reviews. I squeal every time I get one! 3
- Memorial -
Hatake Kakashi was a man of many faults:
He was a chronic liar with a taste for insubordination.
He was terrible with kids and even worse with adults.
He could be selfish, callous and often unfeeling.
He never knew how to let the past go.
But of all the sins he was guilty of, there was one for which he held himself in most contempt: That he was human, and he was getting old.
"Huh…This isn't my hospital room." He lies to the open air. "I don't know how this could have happened. I was going to the cafeteria and must have gotten lost."
His pupil steps out from her concealed location, her tall sandals leaving imprints in the grass. He wants to turn as she approaches, but instead he keeps his gaze fixed ahead. He tucks one hand into its usual front pocket, but the other hand he keeps extended. He can't seem to pull his fingers away from Hiruzen's headstone, even after all these years.
Sakura's posture is visibly angry, but he gives her a welcoming smile anyway. Sometimes he does it knowing it will rile her more, but today…he's a little grateful for the company. Even if she's mad at him.
He braced himself for impact, expecting to be reprimanded. But instead, Sakura merely stretches out her own palm, touching Hiruzen's headstone in mirrored supplication. His heart warms for the girl beside him as much as it aches for the mentor below.
Together, he and Sakura share a moment of silence in respect for their late Hokage. As the moment stretches on, he remembers another Hokage lost at his hands. Another person he should have been able to save.
Minato.
As if in answer, a breeze swims through the branches overhead, rocking the behemoth oak tree that shades Hiruzen's memorial.
"I don't think I need to explain how upset I am with you." Sakura finally says, breaking the spell of silence around them. Her words are sharp, but tempered with restraint in leu of their location.
Had it been anyone else to come and retrieve him, he would have dismissed their ire all together. But this was Sakura and he was her Sensei. Their history exposed him to certain vulnerabilities, and he found himself caring where otherwise he might not.
Her clenched jaw looks ready to crack a molar, and his own jaw aches in sympathy. Or maybe that was just his actual bruises. He'd taken more of a beating last week than he wanted to admit…
"You found me faster than I'd expected," He concedes. "I thought I'd have at least an hour before someone came looking for me."
"We shouldn't have had to look for you at all."
Here, he turns back to the headstone. "You know how I feel about hospitals." He says.
Sakura's green eyes pierced him with unexpected hostility. "My familiarity with your sentiments doesn't excuse your behavior. Do you know how it looks to my staff when you undermine my care orders? Tsunade gave me strict instructions to keep you on bedrest, but you keep fighting me at every turn."
Uh oh. She was using her Doctor voice on him. He hadn't expected her to be this upset…
"At least leave a note next time you decide to go AWOL." She growls, "I'll still be pissed, but at least the hospital won't waste resources it doesn't have scouring the floors looking for you."
It always threw Kakashi for a loop when he brought out this side of her. Not even a year ago (or was it three? Five?) little Sakura wouldn't have spoken this way to a passing stranger, never mind a ranked superior. But the girl before him wasn't Sakura, his student. This was Sakura, Tsunade's successor. Defacto head of Konoha Hospital. Sakura, who's hands had reached into the afterlife and brought Gaara of the sand back from the dead.
His skin shivers at the though of her and the power she still doesn't fully wield. She'd turned out all right, all things considered. He'd made the right choice, getting out of her way.
Frustrated by his lack of a response, Sakura turns away from him, visibly doing her best to calm down. She run her hands through disheveled hair and scrubs at itchy, puffy eyes. He notices belatedly just how tired she looks… And here he was wasting her time, making her come looking for him.
He hesitates before touching her. He always hesitates. It still feels wrong, no matter how old she gets. But he's caused her heartache, so he must make amends. He reaches out and put a hand on her arm, attempting to reconcile his mistakes. "You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't think it through. I just…I needed to be here."
She looks at him with those big wide eyes, and he had to remind himself again of just who they are.
He is Kakashi. She is Sakura. She is a subordinate under his care.
He lets go of her arm, pulling away.
Thankfully, Sakura seems oblivious to his conflicting desires. Instead, her brows furrow like he's speaking in tongues. "Did you just say the S word?" She deadpans. "I didn't think you even knew the word sorry."
"I guess we all have to grow up sometime." He shrugs.
Sakura bites back a sarcastic snort. "Says the man who's already in his thirties."
"I know. Compared to your generation, I feel painfully old."
"As you should. You're positively ancient."
"I feel more fossil than man at this point."
"I don't even know how you made it out the window."
They shared a small smile at this familiar banter, their earlier tension beginning to dissipate. Their disparity in age was her favorite thing to tease him about. She was the only person in his life he let get away with it.
"We can't all be evergreen like Tsunade." He says, turning back to the memorial. "But that's why this medical summit of yours is so important."
Sakura shifts uncomfortably beside him, her cheeks flushing pink to match her hair. "What do you mean?" She asks, glancing sideways at him.
"Hiruzen once told me, 'Each generation exists to protect the next.' If your clinic bill gets passed, you will have done more for future generations that I could hope to achieve in my lifetime. I'm only good at taking life, Sakura. There are very few I've successfully saved."
At this, Sakura shifts closer to him. "I don't like it when you put yourself down."
There's a twinge of love in her voice that he does not like, because deep down he knows he likes it too much. "I'm not putting myself down, I'm lifting you up. That's what teachers are suppose to do." He over-stresses the word teacher.
"Tell that to Tsunade next time you see her. She says putting me down is how I'll build up character."
Kakashi can't help but laugh at this. "Her tough love seems to have worked out alright for you." But when his eyes fall on her again, he can't help second guessing his sentiments. She really looked unsettlingly tired…
"Sakura, have you been sleeping?" He asks quietly.
"I'll sleep after I plead my case to the Daimyo panel. Without their cooperation and support, my clinics project is dead in the water."
"Even still," He says, squeezing her arm gently in his hand. When had he reached out to touch her again? "It won't matter if your plan succeeds but we lose you in the process."
The exhaustion that seems to have penetrated her bones lifts for the briefest moment. She looks up into his face, beaming with openness and love that hurts him for reasons he can't explain. She smiles at hearing her own words echoed back to her, and it's a real Sakura smile. "You big sap." She says teasingly.
"Only for you." He promises.
The words leave his mouth before he can stop them. Exposed to the open air, the implied intimacy of them unsettles them both. He suddenly recognizes how close they stand, his hand still fixed to the crook of her arm. Her heart shaped face is turned up to his, open and sincere, and unendingly caring. She was lovely, even when she was tired. He would have to be an idiot not to notice, and an idiot he was not.
Above them, an oak branch creaks in the breeze. The moment stretches out until it frays at the edges. He's paralyzed, unable to pursue or retreat.
He's relieved when she finally moves away, feigning interest in the greater world around them. "You know I still have to take you back to the hospital, right?" She says. She's using her Doctor's voice again.
"Please, don't remind me." He coughs.
"Oh, I'm reminding you. You broke Hospital rule no. 1: Don't piss off the charge nurse. You thought Chisue was cranky before, but I've got news for you Hatake. You're fucked."
Her voice is the carefree chiding of a student back talking their teacher. It's a moment of normalcy in an ocean of change he isn't ready to accept yet. He clings to it like a life raft, chalking their previous moment up to his wild imagination. Everything was fine. They were fine.
"She's 145 years old, she's more fossilized than I am. She'll have to catch me first."
But then Sakura slips his arm over her shoulder, escorting him back the way they came. He leans into her a little more than he needs to, and hates himself for it.
- Stairway -
That evening, Sakura drags her feet every step of the way home. Her review meeting with Tsunade had been incredibly effective, but it'd run much later than she'd anticipated. The summer sun was just beginning to set, clocking the hour at a little past 9. Even still, their due-diligence had been worth it. While her presentation still wasn't perfect, she felt more confident in it than ever before.
If only she didn't hate public speaking so much.
Tsunade had done everything she could to poke holes in the arguments Sakura would make to the Daimyos next week. Together, they'd come up with several solutions for concerns regarding funding and man-power. Tsunade was an exceedingly tough mentor to impress, but even she gave Sakura the Hokage nod of approval once they'd covered all the necessary material.
Ten days from today, she would speak at the medical summit to the Daimyo of Fire, Wind, Grass, River and Rain. She had one shot to convince them her proposal had merit, and do what a single doctor alone could not: manifest wide spread positive change.
But that was next week. She'd done enough planning for one day, and knew exactly what she wanted to do with the rest of this one: absolutely nothing at all.
She was going to crawl into her apartment, reheat a pre-made meal from the freezer and fall asleep before 10pm. There would be no anxiously going over her new notes, no sexually charged Yume-Jutsu practice. Nothing. She was due some extra sleep, and she was going to capitalize on tomorrow's day off to get it.
'Promise you'll let me see you tonight…'
Yume-Kakashi's voice lingers in her mind like the weight of Kakashi's arm across her shoulder. Like the weight of Shikamaru's eyes on her last night.
She pushes it all away as she hits the third landing of her apartment building. She hadn't promised Yume she'd do any such thing, but she can't shake the hint of guilt she felt at ignoring him. He had helped her find Kakashi after all…
'He's just a fantasy, and he's bad for your heart. Don't make a habit of summoning him unless you absolutely need to.'
It was one thing to call him for help with Jutsu drills. Illusion or not, he was undeniably effective. Hell, she could even forgive the occasional slip up that ended in a make-out session. But it was another thing all together to willfully summon him for anything beyond developing her Jutsu. This was her line in the sand, and she couldn't keep redrawing it.
She turns the corner of the stairwell, about to climb the last set to her 4 story walk up when footsteps descend from overhead.
Shikamaru's slouched posture goes rigid at the sight of her, his lazy gaze shooting up to lock with hers. His cheeks are patched with faint red marks from where he's scrubbed at Ino's messy handwriting, and his hair seems meticulously pulled back for once.
Instead of his normal, sloppy ponytail, he looks unexpectedly regal in an elegant top-knot. The style actually compliments his features nicely…His typical chunin vest is likewise missing in action. Instead, he's opted for a dark T-shirt and clean pants she'd never seen him wear before.
"Sakura, I-" His skin visibly jumps when he sees her. He seems flustered, unsure of what to say. He stares at her like her very presence in her own building is the thing out of place in this scenario.
Her eye grow wider, taking in this unusual version of him. Shikamaru hates change. Who was this foreign being before her, and what had they done with her best friend? Her mind feels floaty from too many hours of work, too much coffee and not enough sleep. Her mouth goes rogue before she can filter her thoughts.
"Shika, did you-"
"Yes?" He asks, stepping closer.
"Did you…brush your hair?"
She can't contain it a moment longer. Her mouth breaks over a sleep deprived giggle, and that giggle becomes a laugh because seriously, who had bullied him into this nice outfit? She didn't think he even owned a brush. Her laugher echos down the stairwell, bubbly as a soda on a hot summer day.
He levels her with a vicious glare and she knows it's well deserved.
"What are you doing over here so late, and what's with the get-up?" She gestures to his clothes. She ascends the stairs to meet him half way, stepping comfortably into his space. "You look like you're on a date or something."
"Hello to you too, Jerk." He says cooly. He rubs at the back of his neck, irritated.
All at once, his movements become boxy and unfamiliar to her. It's like his limbs are suddenly two inches too long and his joints needed to be oiled before they rust. Usually, Shikamaru is liquid personified, every gesture a calculated move to expend as little energy as possible. But this Shikamaru seems tense and unsure. She doesn't know what to make of it.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh." She says, wiping a small tear from her eye. She really was being a jerk. "I just don't think I've ever seen you try before."
"And I never will again after that reaction."
His voice is gravel, but it's also playful.
"No! You look great, I swear. I've just been running on no sleep for three days now and I've hit this mode where everything's funny." He relaxes at her words a bit, and her heart feels lighter. She doesn't like seeing him anxious. "But really, what are you doing here?"
He lifts the small basket of oranges hanging from his side. "I came to apologize for all the trouble I made last night. My mom wanted me to bring you these as well. She says 'Tell Sakura thanks for the laugh.'" His looks cranky, but his voice remains light. He hates being the butt of his mothers teasing.
Sakura has always loved Yoshino. She wishes she and her own family were as close as the Nara clan.
"Oh wow," She says, taking his citrus offering with reverence. She thinks of the frozen meal waiting in her apartment, realizing it's been days since she's eaten anything so fresh. "These look amazing, please tell her thank you for me. Were you guys getting dinner in the area or something?"
Relative to her apartment, the Nara compound is clear on the other side of town.
"Uh, yeah…Something like that."
She gestures to the patches of redness on his cheeks and forehead. "I'm sorry about drawing on your face like that. It was Ino's idea, I swear."
"It's always Ino's idea." He replies, "She's been doing it to me and Choji since we were kids."
Sakura was born an only child to merchant parents who were never home. In contrast, the Ino-Shika-Cho clans were practically one big extended family. Their children often became friends before ever entering the Academy, a blessing she'd only dreamed of having as a kid. What must it be like, to always have the people you love so near you?
She thinks again of her empty apartment, and the hollow sound her floorboards make.
"Hey, Sakura…" Shikamaru momentarily debates his words before letting them out in a unified rush. "Did I do anything weird last night?"
"Aside from passing out in a public bar?"
"I mean, to you. Did I say anything strange to you?"
She doesn't even have to think before replying. "What? No, of course not." What ever concern had been plaguing his mind, it seems to wash away at her words. Just like that, his body appeared to fit him again. This is when she lands her stealth attack. "What ever you said, you said it to Choji."
Shikamaru's face pales as hers beams in delight. This is definitely not what he'd wanted to hear, but she so adores teasing him.
"Of course I did. Perfect." He mutters, dragging a palm down his face.
"If it makes you feel any better, he wouldn't give up your secrets. Not even when we offered to buy him second dinner."
"That doesn't make me feel better at all." He says, shifting from one foot to the other. "Choji is sneakier than he looks. Why trade my secrets for a single dinner when he can extort me for a lifetime of meals instead."
Sakura swallows down another fit of floaty laughter, trying to keep a neutral face. "I should have known he was secretly the smartest of all of you. I'm already mourning the death of your wallet."
"Mourn me. I'm about to be so broke from feeding him. Don't be surprised if I slowly starve."
Despite how tired she'd been after her meeting, Shikamaru's company is energetically infectious. He is her best friend for a reason. Even on their most quiet days, there was never a dull moment when he was around. He made her smile in a way that no one else could. Not even kakashi, really…
Her Sensei often made her feel unnameable things: A blend of safety and nerve wracking anxiety, together in one conflicting package. Yume-Kakashi, while a very different personality, made her feel much the same. He induced in her an untenable longing mixed with a bittersweet sort of grief. It wasn't necessarily a better feeling. It was just…different.
But here in this stairwell with Shikamaru, a boy that she'd known half her life… she always felt the same one thing: Easy companionship of the truest kind. He didn't try to change her, and she didn't try to change him. Somehow they had found a way to coexist despite their opposing personalities.
'Things between you two were bound to change eventually…'
Ino's words from last night resurface in her mind, but Sakura presses them down again. Shikamaru was one of a kind. Shikamaru hated change. Their's was an irreplaceable friendship, and she wouldn't risk it for the world. And besides. Her heart was already occupied.
"I should probably let you get to bed." He says, gesturing down the stairwell. "We still on for chess next Tuesday?"
And just like that, her bubble of energy pops. She wouldn't be seeing him for a while. "Actually, I'm leaving for the summit next week."
The greater world makes it's presence known again, full of hardships and responsibilities she felt called to contend with. Part of her wants to forget about clinics and speeches. She wants to stay here in this stairwell with Shikamaru and the basket of oranges in her hand. Her eyelids droop heavily, but she resists them. Like Yume-Kakashi, this moment is a dream she can have, but can not have forever.
Without a word, as he so often does, Shikamaru acts without being told. Sometimes it's as if he can read her mind, and she doesn't know how he manages to do it.
Moving slowly, he slips her backpack of notes from her shoulders, slinging the strap across his own. His other hand takes the basket of oranges, prying it from her exhausted fingers. With a nod of his head, he beckons her to follow. She allows herself this moment of weakness and follows him up to her apartment door. Her feet thunk on the stairs like they are made of lead. She dreads the empty apartment waiting for her.
"How long will you be gone?" Shikamaru asks.
"Depending on my convoy team's speed, it should take three days to get to Suna. One full day is allocated for the summit, and then there's our return trip home. Tsunade did said we could have an extra day getting back though, so we're going to stay somewhere nice to commemorate my first solo summit."
Tsunade's suggestion she take the extra travel day had caught Sakura by surprise, along with her offer to foot the bill.
"You're going to do great." He promises her. "You've been working towards this for over a year, the hardest work is behind you now. All you've gotta do is stick the landing. Knowing you, you'll more than deliver."
His confidence in her makes something warm come alive in her chest. He always seems to know just what to say.
She busies herself with the jangling of keys and undoing the deadbolt on her door. She needs to distract herself from her thoughts. "You're confidence in me is admirable, but I'd feel a lot better if someone was coming with me."
"What about your convoy team? Suna's not just OOV, it's international. There should be at least three people assigned to you if you're going out of country."
"It's not that I'll be traveling alone," She amends, "I just don't know any of the nin assigned to my convoy. And it's more that I'll be in Suna with no one-"
Her key freezes in the deadbolt. Her body jolts awake like a lightning rod. Her exhaustion muddled brain cobbles together its last two braincells, delivering unto her a brilliant idea. A stupid, wonderful, brilliant idea.
"Shikamaru-" She spins, grabbing him by the shoulders. Her hallway is nearly littered with oranges. She stares at her friend with unconcealed awe. Why hadn't she thought of this sooner? "You have to come to the summit with me!"
Shikamaru, to his credit, only looks at her like she's half mad. Actually, he's looking everywhere except directly at her. Her hallway has become absolutely fascinate to him, and he refuses to look her in the eyes. After a full minute of being at a loss for words, he's preparing to just cut his losses and run.
"I think you need to see a doctor." He grits out.
"Shikamaru! Im serious!"
"What you are is seriously out of your mind! Sakura, I can't just up and leave the country-" She must have been squeezing him too tight, because his face blooms a bright and obvious red. "Besides, my boss would never let me go. He'd actually have to do his job for once."
"Tsunade will grant you leave if I ask her to!"
"And what good would I even be in Suna anyway?"
"You're the smartest person I know. You've been helping me workshop this idea from the very beginning. It wouldn't be right if you weren't there with me, and who better to help troubleshoot issues with the Daimyo?"
He's trying to squirm out of her grip now, but she refuses to let him retreat.
"Sakura, you don't need me for this!"
"Of course I need you, you idiot!"
Something in her voice break through to him. She doesn't know why she's suddenly breathing so hard. It feels like her whole world is balancing on his answer.
And then, she realizes what she's doing. She absolutely has gone mad. Standing strait, she hesitantly let go of her poor, cornered change-averse friend. She expects him to bolt down the stairs to his freedom, but he seems frozen to the spot. He looks like a helpless animal caught in a trap, waiting for the inevitable end.
"Suna is…really far." He croaks.
Sakura takes a small step back, giving Shikamaru room to breathe. She wasn't above groveling as a last resort, but she wouldn't force him to go if it truly wasn't his wish. But she really, really wanted him to go…
"I will carry you the whole way back." She vows, fully prepared to keep her promise should it actually come to that.
And then, something inside him caves. She knows exactly what he's thinking, the calculations he's running in his head. He's actually considering her request.
She's watched his face tick the same way a hundred times before, both during their sparing matches and from across their chess board. He's giving her the same look he always gives Ino every time she bullies him into a group night out. There's the internal conflict, the silent count to ten…
"I really hate you." He says, defeated.
"I'll never forget this." She squeals, beaming brightly.
He shakes his head in incredulity, knowing his fate is sealed.
"What day do we leave?"
-Authors note-
I can't overstate the fun these two are about to have together. Hope to see you in the next one! - Xoxo, VB
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