Me falling for Sasuke-kun was like sinking slowly into a bog, as I mentioned before. I willingly walked into its darkness. Maybe from faraway, it looked like a nice, pleasant field, but it certainly was not. I kept sinking and sinking as time went on. It was inescapable.

Falling in ... well in hate, we will call it, with Naruto, was like standing at the edge of a cliff. Curiosity kept pulling me closer to the edge, even though the signs in my mind told me caution. I had been able to keep to the cliff's edge for a long time, despite the situation. Sasuke-kun was gone. People expected me to move on. Naruto and I were so close. I don't know if it was the talk that pushed me over the edge or kept me stubbornly hanging on. Tsunade-sama often preached that us women didn't need any men, but I knew she would have preferred me to choose Naruto over Sasuke-kun. Captain Yamato noticed it, and he hadn't even known Naruto and I for very long. I suppose crying at my uselessness to help Naruto find Sasuke-kun made me look quite pathetic, and it was clear how Naruto's pain was affecting me. I cared about Naruto, and it was well beyond the fact that Naruto gave me his word to save Sasuke-kun. Captain Yamato, in his calm, comforting, logical voice told me that my feelings for Naruto were obvious. Sai had said something. Sai, who felt nothing, noticed. Sai, who had been reading about how to interact with people, and who I was beginning to think was teaching himself on how to flirt with me, thought I was in love with Naruto. This was according to his books anyway. But neither of those people or their words had pushed me over the edge.

No. It had been Hinata.

Naruto had always been somewhat of an everyday hero. He helped people. He stole hearts. He did things that seemed impossible. He was able to solve problems in unconventional ways. He was a ninja, but Naruto rarely had to kill anyone. Any life he did take wasn't much of a life anymore anyway and was only done out of mercy. He saved the enemy almost as often as he saved the people who he was to protect. If he couldn't save a life, he had at least stolen their heart before they were gone. It was truly amazing. We were at war with the Akatsuki, and he wasn't taking lives.

The attack by Pain was truly devastating to the village. So many people around us were dying. I was doing all I could to save as many as possible, but right in the midst of that, the hospital was gone in a pile of rubble, and so was the village.

Then Naruto came and solved everything. It was like the catastrophe was erased as souls that should have been gone were returned. He defeated a great enemy, and still, he didn't even kill Pain himself. He only changed his heart. All single handedly.

If there was anyone in the village that still held dislike for Naruto, it was now long gone. It was also sometime during all this chaos that Hinata had confessed the feelings she had had for Naruto since as long as anyone had known her for.

Hinata had always loved Naruto. Probably just as long as I had been in love with Sasuke-kun, if not longer. Everyone knew this. Well, everyone knew this except for Naruto.

Naruto had been hated by the villagers for so long that I think he might have been in shock. There was something there that wouldn't let him understand Hinata's confession. Over time, Naruto had gained many friends, and he loved them fiercely, using them to replace his lack of family. The love for them was so strong, perhaps he didn't know the difference in what Hinata had meant. To Naruto, Hinata couldn't be in love with him, because he never thought anyone could be. I had continually denied him, despite how much Naruto had impressed me, despite how much I cared for him. I wouldn't have been surprised if I had become the closest person to Naruto after Sasuke-kun left, and yet I wouldn't return his feelings. I don't think Naruto thought it was possible for anyone to, if I couldn't.

And I, a selfish and terrible person as I've always been, panicked. One of my greatest fears was losing both Sasuke-kun and Naruto to death while I was too helpless to prevent it, but I don't think that was the worst fear I had. The reason why that fear was so prominent, why I was so desperately afraid of it happening, was because of the worst fear; I would wind up alone. Sasuke-kun would never return, and Naruto would eventually give up chasing after me. Maybe I was afraid of this happening, because I knew it was my future. It was what I deserved. I was no better than the other villagers when judging Naruto in the beginning. I had fallen for Sasuke-kun because I thought he was better than Naruto. It served me right when Sasuke-kun turned out to be how he was. I deserved this.

I thought I had accepted my fate, but I hadn't at all. Without Sasuke-kun and Naruto, what was I? Sakura Haruno? Just another medical ninja? I didn't get along well with my parents during my teenage years. I became distant from Ino and my other friends with my unhealthy obsession with Sasuke-kun. Now what?

I most likely would have been fine, if miserable, but in my panicked state, I thought that I could simply not exist without at least one of my teammate's companionships. At this point, it was certainly not going to be Sasuke-kun's.

When Kakashi-sensei brought back a worn-out Naruto after the onslaught from Pain was over, they were greeted by all the village, cheering madly over their hero. Naruto stared, awestruck, that such a welcoming could be for the likes of him. Naruto deserved it. He deserved everything.

Hinata didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve what I did to her. I had nothing against the Hyuuga. In fact, I liked her very much actually. She was very polite to everyone, and always did her best. I think I liked her even more over the fact that she felt so fondly over Naruto. She had a true judge of character. But it had nothing to do with how I felt about Hinata, only about not losing my last hope from surviving my loneliness. I stole Naruto from her. I didn't have the right, but I did it anyway.

The crowd parted as I walked to Naruto, like the people expected me to be the one to greet the hero first, like I was his woman, his prize. I was very much willing to be his prize, even though it should have been Hinata. Maybe, if Hinata had been a bit more assertive, I would have just cut my losses and let her take him from me. If Hinata had done anything, but stand there, and smiled as I greeted Naruto, maybe it would have prevented me from making a mistake.

Naruto had been staring at Hinata, or at least trying to make some sort of eye contact with her as the village children bounced around him distractingly. He was most likely trying to decide if what Hinata had said to him earlier was true or not. A lot had happened in between, and Naruto had been unable to reply to her. Naruto's hesitation most likely caused Hinata to second guess herself. She was timid and lacked self-confidence. She most likely assumed that Naruto just didn't return her feelings.

It wasn't that Naruto didn't like Hinata; he just simply didn't realize Hinata liked him. He was stupid. He had always been dumb. I remember thinking that as I jammed my fist into his head, and with that, Naruto forgot all about Hinata. Then I must have completely forgotten who I was, for I caught Naruto before he could hit the ground after my punch and then I very tenderly, placed a hand on the side of Naruto's head, and let his chin rest against my shoulder. I was never tender to Naruto. I was never sweet. Especially in front of other people, and here I was displaying affection in front of the entire village.

"Thank you."

I felt Naruto tense at my touch. The tips of his hair were wet from sweat, and they brushed against my cheek, but I didn't mind the feeling. I didn't mind that he smelled like blood and sweat, because he still smelled like Naruto underneath it all. Besides, blood and sweat were the scent of living things. Naruto was still alive, despite what had happened and what he went through. That was all that mattered.

Afterwards, I forgot about Hinata. Even if I remembered her, I thought her too weak, too meek to put in her effort. Naruto needed love. Everyone needed love, but for some reason I never really understood that Naruto had been starving for it since the day he was born. Now, he was finally receiving it. He had to earn it with sweat, blood and tears. He earned it and deserved it. He should be rewarded.

But why should he be rewarded with something such as love, when it should have been given to him regardless? He had suffered needlessly all his life, and a great part of it was due to me. I really wasn't different from anyone else, and because of this, my rejection was only a small drop of the ocean of indifference that Naruto had to swim through, but because of my self-centered-ness, I thought I was important. It was my duty, my obligation.

Several days went by, structures of buildings being quickly erected before more stable ones could be made, and I was lost in this way of thinking on how to help Naruto. All I could think about was that Naruto deserved everything. I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to make sure that he received everything. Some things he still was going to have to obtain on his own. I couldn't make him become Hokage. I couldn't bring home Sasuke-kun. All the things that I had been able to do for him were always so little and trivial, like heal a wound, help him defend Sasuke-kun to others who didn't understand, or calm down his hot head with a word. There had to be more that I could give him than just those things.

When the idea came to me, it came in so hard, so rashly that it didn't even solidify clearly in my head. I could only obey the overwhelming emotion. There was no thinking. It was quite insane. I had spent several days thinking, plenty of time to mull over the idea, but none of that had happened. I couldn't decipher what I was about to do until I had already left my family and started heading over to where Naruto's living quarters had been newly constructed.

I walked hurriedly, unaware that the reason was because if I slowed down, I would realize what I was about to do and I would change my mind. I practically ran up the steps to Naruto's door. I wasn't sure if he'd be home. He often ate out for dinner, but it was already after seven. Naruto would be getting ready for bed so that he could get an early start on his training. He was always training.

I rammed my fist on the door. It was loud, but I refrained from breaking the wood, even though my nerves wanted to.

Naruto answered the door lazily, but it only seemed so slow because my heart was racing so much. I was still out of breath from going up the stairs too fast.

"Sakura-chan?" He was in casual clothes, a black T-shirt and a pair of bright orange cargo pants. Orange was such an obnoxious color. It seemed even brighter with the black shirt. The shirt seemed darker with the yellow hair and blue eyes. Sexier. "What's the matter?"

I didn't say anything, because to talk would mean to think, and to think would mean to chicken out. Instead, I flung myself onto him, entering his apartment, my mouth painfully smacking itself onto his teeth. I kicked the door closed with my foot and continued my poorly practiced kiss. I hadn't kissed anyone since the last time I kissed Naruto a few months back. I didn't know the 'technique' for making out, but I figured the first step was to not care about Naruto's saliva, or my own for that matter. I continued in a sloppy, disgusting manner, Naruto pretty much unresponsive. I had heard him try to say, 'what the-' but that was halted with my assault. I almost choked on my own spit. I didn't know what I was doing.

Before I could drown, I felt each of Naruto's hands on either side of my head, his strong fingers digging into my hair. He didn't exactly pull me away, but he guided my head back, dragging my attacking lips away from his so that he could reenter my mouth smoother, deeper. I felt him put his tongue in my mouth and my heart quickened over the fact that before, I would have never allowed him to do such a thing. I let Naruto take over the kiss, not sure if the feeling I was feeling was arousal or embarrassment. I felt myself turning inside out, with everything exiting my body, sliding out of me with the feeling of Naruto's tongue against my own. A low, rumbling growl from Naruto's throat put me back together. It was masculine, sexy and told me that this was right, that I shouldn't have waited this long. Naruto had pressed me against the door. Sometime in all of this I had closed my eyes. I opened them as Naruto continued to move inside my mouth. I impatiently decided I had had enough of this kissing, of me falling like an inexperienced foolish groupie girl. This was Naruto. Naruto didn't have any experience either.

I shoved Naruto off of me, wiping the spit off my chin with the back of my hand. The force of my push had shoved Naruto against the adjacent wall. I was on him again before he could catch the breath that had left him. I shoved his wrists over his head, holding them up there with my chakra, glaring at his stupid confused face. "Sakura-chan, what-"

"Shut up!" And I kissed his wet lips again, noting he had two as I tried to give attention to both of them. Giving up I moved away from his mouth and went to his chin, his jaw, before tasting the skin on his neck. Naruto tilted his head up for me, whining like a baby. I let go of his wrists to put my hands on his chest. As soon as his arms were free his hands were immediately on me again, but I told myself I didn't care. One hand was at the back of my head, trying to get me to kiss his mouth again, but I was too distracted with trying to burn his shirt away with my eyes.

Since I couldn't do that, I dragged my hands down to the rim of it, pushing the fabric up to his armpits. I'd seen Naruto shirtless before. I'd practically seen Naruto naked, with all the times I had to fix him up. I always averted my eyes or covered him when wounds were too close to a particular area, thankfully Naruto being unconscious most of the time, but looking at Naruto like this was as if I had never seen him before. Naruto was breathing so hard, all the planes in his chest contracting and expanding before my eyes. It was like he was about to have a heart attack. Why was this affecting him so much? How could hormones turn someone like Naruto, the great hero of the Hidden Leaf, into this? I traced my fingers over all the muscles, knowing each of their scientific names but suddenly forgetting them all with the warmth of Naruto's skin. Naruto reattached his mouth to mine, and I let him, feeling everything I could.

Naruto's other hand trailed down my back, over my hip, to my waist, but that was all it would do. He didn't dare go any higher or lower, so it just stayed there, on my waist. I realized I was too afraid to take my hands anywhere else as well.

"Sakura-chan," Naruto breathed into my mouth, kissed me and then said the name again. I knew Naruto was perfectly content to just kiss me and go no further, his fingers combing through my hair to the tips before reentering at the roots of my scalp.

But that wasn't why I had come here, and if I wanted to do anything about it, I was going to have to do it all myself. I snapped open his pants. I felt Naruto's eyelashes hit my cheek, as his gaze dropped to see what the hell I was doing.

I hooked my foot around his ankles, dropping him easily to the floor and pouncing on him. He almost tried to struggle, but I grabbed both his arms with one hand, the other still fishing around inside his pants.

I'd seen penises before. I was a medical ninja. I spent most of my time in the hospital. I'd seen many naked people before and I carried on with my task professionally. I knew how sex worked. Tsunade-sama had put me on birth control since I was twelve. I knew the concept of erections. I just had never seen one before.

I wasn't exactly seeing one now either, but rather, feeling it grow in my hand. My eyes were glued onto Naruto's face instead, who was staring back in horror, probably thinking I was going to punch him for even having an erecting in the first place. It wasn't like he had much of a choice in the matter, as I was stroking him slowly, still shocked that it seemed to grow larger and harder in my hand.

"S-s-s-" Naruto dug his heels into the floor, like he was trying to push himself away from me, but the wall kept him from escaping, and it didn't look like he had the strength to push himself up. Naruto clenched his teeth before turning his head to the side, pressing his face against his arm. He opened one blue eye to look back at me, as if to make sure it was really me touching him like this, his face redder than I had ever seen it.

I pressed my thumb to the tip of the erection, noticing the drop of precum. That must mean he was ready. I got my feet underneath me and climbed over Naruto's lap, my skirt riding up my thighs. With my movements, Naruto turned his head fully to me, eyes wide as he realized where this was going. Naruto was so slow sometimes.

"Holy shit. Holy shit! Sakura-chan, wait a minute. Stop." I ignored him, hovering over him, and moving my underwear to the side to press him against me. His head went back so violently it hit the wall. His arms struggled in my grip, and I tightened my hold on him.

I shoved him hard into me when I felt resistance from my own body. He had been bigger than I was expecting but that shouldn't have made a difference. Sex was a normal thing. Infants came out of vaginas. It had to fit.

Tsunade-sama had explained the first time to be like kicking a piano. The almost numbing, sharp pain hit me, and I slammed Naruto's arms against the wall, angry that I hadn't prepared myself for it better. Naruto let out a little shout in surprise. My grip on him was most likely cutting off his circulation.

He was saying something to me. The feeling of pain was fading away, but Naruto's voice was also. Everything was numb to me, as I felt me falling within myself. I was having sex with Naruto. I just lost my virginity, and it wasn't with Sasuke-kun. Maybe deep down, I knew I would never be with Sasuke-kun this way, though it never stopped me from imagining it. I thought, if I was never with Sasuke-kun, I would simply just be with no one, and I was okay with that. I thought I was okay with that.

I gritted my teeth, feeling suddenly empty, suddenly wrong. This was betraying Sasuke-kun. It didn't matter that I knew Sasuke-kun did not care about any of it. I was still betraying him. How could I do this if I loved Sasuke-kun? Did I ever love Sasuke-kun? If I didn't, did that mean half of my life had been a lie? How could I be so meaningless? How could I let this happen? Why did I think this was a good idea?

Because Naruto deserved love.

No. Naruto deserved love of course, but not from me. From Hinata. I was only doing this because I thought maybe it would finally help me get over Sasuke-kun. Naruto was so kind and beautiful. I should love him. But why was I crying all of a sudden? Why did I wish so desperately that I was with Sasuke-kun, that I felt like throwing up? My chest and stomach hurt. They hurt much more than my sex did, which was feeling only numb now. It hurt so much.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto was still trying to pull his arms free from my grip. I felt my body start to move automatically, even as tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldn't just get up and leave now. The damage had already been done. I couldn't make anything worse. I had to finish what I had started. Naruto groaned, mouth pressed against the arm I was using to restrain him. "Please. Don't. Stop. It's okay. It's alright. Just stop."

It wasn't alright and stopping wasn't going to help anything. I forcefully rocked my hips against his, cursing when I felt a spark of pleasure from it. Naruto's eyes snapped back to me at the sound of my voice, seeing my tear plastered face now. I wished he'd close his dumb eyes.

"Sakura-chan, if it hurts, stop."

I shook my head. It didn't hurt anymore. That wasn't it. My jaw locked as I tried to open it, still rolling my hips into Naruto. His breath came out as a gasp with every move I made. I wondered if Sasuke-kun would have breathed the same way. Sasuke-kun was so perfect. He would have never let himself be caught doing anything lewd or dirty. This was lewd and dirty.

But I didn't stop. "Saku-Sakura-chan! Stop-fucking hell! Fuck!" Naruto convulsed, his slippery wrists almost succeeding in slipping out of my grip. I stared at him, his skin red, tendons tight, mouth open. And then I felt him finish inside me.

As Naruto tried to catch his breath, I let go of his arms, leaning back, like I was too close to him. I didn't get up though. Naruto was still inside me. I found myself blank on what I should do next. I kind of wanted to die. Maybe Sasuke-kun would come back to kill me. I was a dirty slut.

Naruto didn't know what to say. I know because he was quiet and he was never quiet. He just stared at me with shock, a little bit of fear and what I realized was just a sliver of hope. Hope that maybe I did all this because I had decided to return his feelings.

That was it. That was too much.

I burst out sobbing. With his hands now free, he was able to place them on either side of my head, pressing the palms like that would stop me from crying. He stared at me, swallowing.

"I-!" I sobbed. "Sasuke-kun-!" And through my blurry vision I saw his expression change. There. Now he knew the truth.

"I know," he said. "I know!" He hugged me. He pressed my face to his shoulder as I sobbed. No. I couldn't accept this! I didn't deserve this comfort. I pushed him away from me and got up, running out of that apartment like I would never see him again.

He didn't follow me, but I knew I couldn't run from him. Naruto would always be there. He wouldn't leave me. He had made that a promise.