"Listen up, and just stay calm. Tsunade-sama has been relieved from her title. The sixth Hokage is someone named Danzo."
That wasn't surprising to me.
"And that's not all. The sixth Hokage deemed Sasuke a rogue ninja and approved his elimination," Kiba's voice rambled on in unbelieving excitement, like he couldn't really decide on how he himself should feel about the news. It was right of him to come tell us first. Sasuke-kun was ours. Sasuke-kun was Team Seven's. The original members of Team Seven, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei and I, had all been in the same place when Kiba found us to tell this terrible news. It was either a coincidence or fate that we should all be together. We were the three people that cared about Sasuke-kun most. All three of us must have been devastated, but Kakashi-sensei was older than Naruto and I and was much better at controlling his feelings.
I had suspected something like this could happen, and I had even mentally tried to prepare for it, but all that was stubbornly shoved away. This couldn't be happening.
Naruto was right beside me. Naruto wouldn't let this happen either. He was getting angry, but I wasn't hearing what he was saying because my own rage was clouding my brain. In truth, I didn't know much about this Danzo, but neither did the new Hokage know much about Sasuke-kun. Or the rest of us.
"Well then, I'm going to talk to Danzo," I was kind of surprised at how calm my voice sounded, though it still held the tremors of my desperation. Kakashi-sensei stopped me, trying to tell us to stay calm. Naruto was not calm. He was getting angrier by the second. I should have tried to hold him back. I should have helped Kakashi-sensei, but my insides were roaring in a fire too.
It was Naruto who had calmed down before me. He realized Kakashi-sensei was right before I did, even though Kakashi-sensei was always right. We waited to speak with Lord Danzo.
When we ran into Sai moments later, I thought our luck was about to change. Sai worked directly for Danzo, and the both of us were beginning to trust Sai as a part of Team Seven. Surely Sai would join our side to save Sasuke-kun, but even if he did want to help us, Danzo had put a forbidden jutsu on him to prevent him to speak. I was disliking Danzo more and more.
And then, to top off this worst and impossible day, Naruto, Sai and I ran into two Hidden Cloud ninja. Their angry accusation almost destroyed everything I had ever felt for Sasuke-kun. First, they accused him of kidnapping their master. That was bad enough, but then second, they claimed that Sasuke-kun had joined the Akatsuki, the organization responsible for this war, the reason for the village's destruction and why Naruto was constantly fighting and running for his life.
Denial was the first feeling I felt. It was very easy to, because logically it made sense that it simply could not be true. Sure, Sasuke-kun was troubled. He could be possibly dangerous if he felt that anyone or anything was in his way of his goal. Sure, Sasuke-kun could maybe be deemed as unstable over his obsession with revenge. This was the thought that had sent me to my knees and into the dirt over the two Hidden Cloud ninja's words. But it didn't make sense. Sasuke-kun wouldn't go out of his way for something like this. Why would kidnapping their master have anything to do with Itachi? The Village Hidden in the Clouds was in the Land of Lightning, far away. I couldn't imagine Itachi traveling that far or having any sort of connection with the other country. And joining the Akatsuki? That was the group that Itachi was a part of! Essentially, the Akatsuki should be just as much an enemy to Sasuke-kun as they were to us! Why would he join them?
Though news that Sasuke-kun had already killed Itachi had reached the Hidden Leaf. And the fact that Sasuke-kun was still out there, not home, was very disheartening. What was he doing out there? Could revenge have really changed him this much?
I started crying. Even as I felt Naruto's warm body kneel down beside me comfortingly, I couldn't focus. All my rage and strength that I had earlier, which I was going to use against Danzo, was leaking right out of my eyes. Naruto didn't kneel beside me, but rather behind me, one hand resting on my waist, like he had my back on this. But even though I knew he was still with me, what could he do about it? He could do so many things, but if Sasuke-kun was truly our enemy now, what was there to do?
"Let me handle this, Sakura-chan," he said in his deep reassuring voice. I felt my tears drying as I looked up at him. He was going to help these Hidden Cloud ninja, though I had no idea how since they kept demanding that we give up everything we knew about Sasuke-kun to them. Naruto wouldn't do that. And he hadn't exactly agreed to what they wanted, but he was going to help them. Somehow. I didn't know how. And I suspected he didn't know either.
I went to Tsunade-sama, like I always would when I had a problem I didn't know how to solve. It never did any good. She was still as death, as always. Lady Shizune tried to speak for her. I knew the just of what she was saying would have been what Tsunade-sama would say, but it seemed to hurt more. Not that Lady Shizune said things bluntly as Tsunade-sama did. It probably would have been more painful coming from Tsunade-sama, but then at least Tsunade-sama would be awake, and maybe, be able to do something. I said nothing. I sat in my silence. There was no real final straw I realized. It wasn't like this sudden news of Sasuke-kun joining the Akatsuki was what made me lose hope in him. There was always some hope, no matter how small. I knew it was there, because the pain kept reminding me. Sasuke-kun of course couldn't give my love a swift death. He had to make it suffocate, drown, like sinking into a bog. Such a silent, dark, terrifying death.
I wasn't giving any peace to mull over a resolution for Sasuke-kun. Naruto wouldn't have let me. He was too busy getting the shit beat out of him by the female Cloud ninja, as if that could take Sasuke-kun's punishment away. Beating wasn't Sasuke-kun's sentence. It was death. Such an act was foolish of Naruto, useless and did nothing but needlessly hurt him. He probably had known that. That was why he hadn't told me about it. Sai did. He arrived as I was lamenting by Tsunade-sama's side.
"I don't know what promise you made to him, however, even I am able to see Naruto's in love with you." Sai had simply stated the obvious. Everyone knew that Naruto was in love with me, but there was something different in the way Sai said it rather than the teasing way Ino had said it before. Something much more serious and much more my fault.
"Naruto has shouldered the burden of his promise to you and plans to for the rest of his life." Saying someone would be in love with you for the rest of their life was a rather large assumption, though it would be easy for Naruto to accomplish. That fool's life was destined to be quite short, wasn't it? Yet, even if Naruto lived to be a hundred, he probably would still be looking for Sasuke-kun for me. He would be still trying to prove himself, that he'd do anything, for me.
"It's like a curse mark." That was the final blow Sai would give, the ending move of his devastating verbal attack. I was no better than Danzo, sealing Sai's tongue. I was no better than Orochimaru himself, who had claimed Sasuke-kun's body. I had cursed Naruto.
This was all my fault, I realized. Everything Naruto did, every battle within himself or on the field, every breath he took, had all been for my sake. He had suffered all his life. He had been struggling, choking, desperate to honor one promise and one promise only, that was uttered for me, because I had asked him. I had asked him to do all this.
Shikamaru soon came in Tsunade-sama's tent, asking for my permission to murder my beloved. He went into this whole speech that he didn't need to say, though I knew he had thought long and hard on it, so I let him speak. I told him I understood, though I didn't actually say he had my consent. That little bit of stubbornness and hope was still there, like if I could just bide for more time, I could find a solution to save Sasuke-kun's life. I didn't even care if he never returned to the village. As long as he was safe, alive, happy. But Sasuke-kun would never be happy again, would he? So what if he succeeded in his revenge against Itachi. It hadn't given him peace. It hadn't given him happiness, or he would have returned.
I was remembering now, all the warning signs, back when we were kids, when we were only thirteen, and Sasuke-kun would take things too far. I remembered him beating an enemy that was already defeated because he had mentioned his brother's name. He kept going, blood flying everywhere, and would have continued until the man was dead, if Kakashi-sensei hadn't stopped him. I remembered the way he had broken the arms of the Sound ninja when he first obtained the curse mark. I remembered all the times he fought with Naruto, and every, all too real intention Sasuke-kun had in killing him if he hadn't been stopped. I had blamed it all on the curse mark. The real Sasuke-kun wouldn't have done that. Why did I think that? Because I knew him so well? Ha! What did I know? How did I not know that wasn't just the way Sasuke-kun was? Why else would he be doing these things?
I was a moron, but I wasn't completely stupid. I wasn't like Naruto. I understood the ninja world, which was harsh, and unforgiving. I was taught as such in all my classes that I got perfect As in. Sasuke-kun was too dangerous to be allowed to go about freely, doing whatever he pleased. His life wasn't worth the risk of war with the Hidden Cloud. I loved Sasuke-kun so much, but I understood. He was going to have to be taken out, and it had to be us, the Hidden Leaf, his friends, that did it. It was our responsibility. We had to kill him.
Naruto wouldn't understand. I spoke up again when I heard Shikamaru mention his name. He wanted to talk to Naruto too. "Let me do it," I said, wiping the tears out of my eyes. "The fool's in love with me. I should be the one to tell him." I'm not quite sure what kept me standing during all of this. My whole body was too numb to feel my legs but stand I did. I needed to endure this suffering. I deserved it for what I had done to Naruto. Maybe it was karma alone that decided that Sasuke-kun could no longer exist. I had to atone for my sins. I should be responsible for telling Naruto we had to kill Sasuke-kun.
Naruto had left with Kakashi-sensei and Captain Yamato to Iron Country in order to beg for Sasuke-kun's pardon. I knew of course Naruto's plea would be denied, though I was surprised that Kakashi-sensei went along with such a hair-brained idea. Then again, Kakashi-sensei knew how pointless it was to argue with Naruto. Maybe he thought if Naruto saw how impossible the task was, he'd think Naruto would start listening to reason. It would be a harsh lesson to teach him, but Kakashi-sensei wasn't above being harsh.
Too bad Naruto had always been a glutton for pain. A simple "no" from the Hidden Cloud's Rakage wasn't going to change Naruto's mind.
I left with Kiba, Lee and Sai to talk to Naruto and try to convince him that we all had to 'work together' to murder Sasuke-kun, as it was for the good of humanity. I knew such a thing was impossible. Naruto was impossible. But trying to explain that to the rest of them would look like an excuse, like I wasn't fully committed to Sasuke-kun's elimination. I wasn't. I wasn't going to let any of them touch Sasuke-kun. I wasn't going to even let them try, because I knew Sasuke-kun would just kill them all. But that was thinking for later. Baby steps, Sakura. First thing was first: Make sure that Naruto wouldn't get in the way.
Naruto loved me. That was the whole point in everything he was doing, wasn't it? He really was such an idiot. What did he really think he was trying to accomplish by chasing after Sasuke-kun all these years? Did he really think he would accomplish anything? Maybe it was all just an act, just to make sure I didn't think he forgot about his oath to me. Or did he really think he could bring Sasuke-kun back for me so that I could love him and be happy, forgetting Naruto as I continued my life with my real, true love? Was that what Naruto was sacrificing? Did he love me that much?
It seemed mind boggling that someone could love anyone else that much, but I thought I could understand it. I would have done the same for Sasuke-kun if I thought it possible. I would have done anything for him, if it would make him happy, happy and safe.
Naruto didn't need to suffer anymore though. I would relieve him from his promise. I would prove to him that finding Sasuke-kun didn't matter anymore, and I would give the perfect, most logical reason why, one that even Naruto could understand.
"I love you, Naruto," I stated, calmly, sweetly, sincerely, as I stood in the snow before him. I heard Lee start to freak out from where he stood behind me, but I ignored him. Confronting Lee and whatever feelings he still had for me was for another day. Besides, to my knowledge I don't think I ever played with Lee's heart before. He should know by now how I felt for him.
Naruto on the other hand, I played with his heart every day and I knew he'd fall for me, melt into a puddle into my hands. I could see it in his shocked face, how close he was to falling into my trap, into being truly mine, not that he hadn't been already.
What I hadn't expected was the fear, the apprehension and nervousness that held him back. I should have expected him to be guarded. I had hurt him too much all this time, of course he would be hesitant!
"Huh? Sakura-chan? What was that? What did you just say? 'Cause I don't think I heard you right. Say it again."
I felt a stab of annoyance, but I swallowed it down. Now wasn't the time to be getting angry at Naruto for being slow. It would ruin the whole mood I had so carefully planned for. He was going to make me say it again. Whatever it was, a test or if he truly didn't understand, I would say it a hundred times if I had to.
"I guess. Sure. What I said was, I love you, Naruto." Naruto's whole body gave a small, quick little shutter. His eyes became larger, and moist. It almost made me mad. I was mad that he took so much pleasure in such a stupid, simple sentence. Before I could start to feel guilty, I quickly went into the other things I had planned to say. I had to make it clear what all this meant.
It all meant for Naruto to stop going after Sasuke-kun.
"And you also need to know that Sasuke doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I was totally crazy to like him in the first place." I had to slow it down. That sounded a little too forced. It could be easy to think that I just had a simple crush on Sasuke as kids. He was a pretty face. Everyone liked him. It seemed logical to say in my head. If I had been talking to anyone else, it would have sounded legit.
Maybe if I had been talking to anyone else but Naruto, they would have believed me.
I had to go back to the topic of Naruto. I had to concentrate on Naruto's feelings, distract him so that he wouldn't pick up on my obvious lies. "Listen more carefully when a girl confesses her feelings to you," I said, pretending to be annoyed, like it was a joke, but I knew I was already starting to fail. Naruto hadn't listened very well when Hinata had confessed her feelings to him, and hers had been so much more genuine.
Naruto stared at me for such a long time. I hadn't expected him to be this quiet for this long. Naruto was never quiet. I found it unnerving, but I had no other words to say. I was too shocked from watching Naruto's childish, hopeful, wishful face change. His eyes narrowed, his brows dipped, the corners of his mouth ridged into a hard frown. Naruto had never been angry with me. After all the punishment, toying and selfish things I had done to him, Naruto always forgave me instantly.
This was the first time. This was the first time in the nine years that I had known him that Naruto was mad at me.
"But why, huh? Why tell me? Is this supposed to be some kind of joke or somethin', 'cause it's not funny at all, Sakura-chan! What happened!?" He knew.
"It's nothing really," I said nervously. "It's just that I finally realized my true feelings for you." What a bunch of bullshit. I could see how bad I was failing at this. Why was I even bothering to still try? Maybe I could fix it. Think Sakura! Think! "I mean I can't continue to love a rogue criminal. I'm not a child anymore!" I said a little more confidently. I had to let go of Sasuke-kun for real. It was true. I wasn't lying. "It's time for me to face up to reality. That's why, Naruto, you can forget about that promise you made to me." Please give it up. "You can stop, alright? You can stop chasing after Sasuke."
"Look Sakura-chan, what happened to you? You just suddenly started liking me?"
"Nothing's happened! And for the reason I've fallen for you it's obvious!" It was obvious. It should be. Maybe I should list some reasons. Naruto was always fishing for compliments, but I stumbled over my words because of the hard coldness in Naruto's blue eyes.
No, I couldn't be swayed away. I'd need to enforce this more and prove to him what I was saying was true. So, I stepped forward and held him, held him in front of everyone. I would live with Naruto. I would stay with him. I would marry him. I would love him. I could do it.
Naruto was not responding to my embrace, so I just held him tighter.
"Sasuke just keeps running farther away from me, but Naruto, you always stayed by my side. You always cheered me up. I guess I finally see you, your true self, who you really are. When our whole village was brought to its knees by Pain, you returned to us, right when we needed you most. A hero, who defended the village. Right now, everyone in the Leaf admires you, and I'm simply just one of them." This was all true. "You used to be a mischievous prankster loser, but you've become something wonderful, and I've watched it all, while Sasuke just adds to his crimes and keeps breaking my heart. He keeps becoming more of a stranger." My words wavered with my emotions. I wasn't lying. I was telling the truth. "But Naruto, I'm able to become close to you like this. And you give me comfort. From the bottom of my heart, I care about you and-"
Then Naruto grabbed me by my arms and shoved me away. "Quit it!" His angry yell stabbed me in the heart, twisting painfully. I deserved that. Naruto had so much patients to wait a whole nine years before shoving me away from him. "Just stop Sakura! This joke of yours isn't funny at all!"
I had been rejected by Sasuke-kun a thousand times. Each time, I felt a little part of my heart die away, and replaced with that of a cold, unfeeling stone. I had numbed myself to his rejections. I didn't care how he felt about me anymore. All I cared about was his sake.
Naruto, someone I had never intended to give my heart to, to confess feelings for, tore a hole so freshly that I felt the type of pain I had never thought I was capable of feeling anymore. My eyes even threatened to burn from it. I bit my trembling lip. Crying was dangerous. Crying was too emotional, and emotions were too real, too raw. They could show some of the truths I did not want Naruto to see. Even though I knew he had most likely already seen them.
"Why are you so upset?" I tried to smile, to ease the situation, to get him to stop being angry with me. I didn't know if it would work. Naruto had never been angry at me before. "I'm telling you I like you now, instead of Sasuke. It's like that old saying, 'women are as fickle as the autumn weather.'"
Naruto dug his fingers into my shoulder. Frankly, it hurt. "Just stop. I hate people who lie to themselves, so just stop it!" It wasn't working. Naruto was smarter than anyone ever gave him credit for, including myself.
My patients in how I was utterly failing in this was running out. Naruto basically just said that he hated me. I knew he would. He would have hated me as soon as I told him that we had to kill Sasuke-kun. I had known that, and that was why I couldn't just tell him the truth. I couldn't have Naruto hate me. I needed him. He was all I had, but I knew he would eventually. When I let Sasuke-kun die, Naruto would despise me. This was because Naruto cared more about Sasuke-kun than he did over me. Sasuke-kun was his most precious person, not I. I had known that for a long time now. "So that's it? You think I'm lying to myself?" Naruto gave me a sincere nod of his head.
I slapped his hand off my shoulder, mad that he dared to treat me so roughly.
"I'm the one who decides on how I feel, not you!" I slapped off his other hand as well. "If you hate me, why don't come on out and say it! Don't make some lame excuse."
"But it doesn't make sense! You left the village and came all the way over here just to tell me that?" Naruto had a point there, a big, sharp, logical point.
Instead of letting him win this argument, I got angrier. "Just to tell you?" I whispered back in a quiet dangerous voice. "Just?! Is that what you said!? You think it's easy for a girl to profess her love like I just did?!" Maybe letting my emotions get the better of me was a good thing. Maybe this would help. I was getting desperate now. "Yes, I came all the way out here! Of course, I'd come as far as this! It's always Sasuke this and Sasuke that! Chasing after him and putting yourself in danger! You're the Nine-Tail jinchūriki! The Akatsuki are after you! So, you worry about your own skin for a change! Don't you get it? I'm trying to tell you that you don't have to chase after Sasuke and endanger yourself! I came out here to find you because I want you to return to the village right away! That's all!" Because I cared about him. I cared about Naruto. I was willing to give up Sasuke-kun. I really was, but I couldn't lose Naruto too. Naruto had to be kept safe.
I watched Naruto's face think over what I said. The truth in my words had him confused. He was considering what I was saying.
"I'm sorry Sakura-chan, but it still sounds like something you just made up. I know you, Sakura. Maybe better than you think."
I sighed in frustration. "Why don't you understand what I'm trying to say? I don't care about Sasuke at all since he's become a criminal. So, the promise between us doesn't stand anymore!"
"But it's not just about that promise now. Maybe I understand better why Sasuke's become obsessed with revenge, and it's causing so much damage. Sasuke really loved his family and his clan. And I think it's because he loved them, so much, he just can't forgive what happened. It doesn't matter even if there isn't a promise between us anymore, 'cause, rescuing Sasuke is just something that I have to do." And there was no changing Naruto's mind.
Kiba was getting restless behind me. He whispered in my ear, asking why we weren't telling Naruto the truth. I stomped on his foot to silence him, not about to have him risk revealing the plan. Naruto must not be told about Sasuke-kun's elimination until after it happened, or Naruto would stop it. He'd save him.
I turned around briskly, "Enough!" I was in a foul mood, hoping it would come off from Naruto rejecting me and not on how disappointed I was in my lying skills. I ordered the others to follow me. I left Naruto with his impossible dreams of saving Sasuke-kun. He didn't see the tears in the corners of my eyes. I knew Naruto would never forgive me after our mission was completed. He would most likely never speak to me again. I would be alone.
But that was okay, because I was beginning to think that my time on this earth wouldn't be that much longer anyway. I had no hope in surviving what I had planned on doing.
I told Kiba that we had to start our mission right away. I wasn't argued with, though the others were looking at me worriedly. I was glad they didn't question me though. I didn't want to explain that if we stopped to rest, that I would lose my nerve. I couldn't allow myself to stop and think about what I was about to do.
I had to kill Sasuke-kun myself. Not Kiba or Lee. They didn't know him like I did. They wouldn't have stood a chance against him, despite Lee's one year head start in his ninja training. Not Sai, who's original mission was to assassinate Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun didn't deserve to be murdered coldly by someone who had never known him. Sasuke-kun couldn't be touched by any of them. It had to be me, because I at least loved him. It was the only way that any semblance of this could be okay. I failed in telling Naruto the truth, but I could make up for it by taking up this burden instead, this burden that was more heavy and more precious, because it was Sasuke-kun. If Sasuke-kun had to die, wouldn't it be better for it to be done by someone who loved him? I would make sure it was quick. I would try to do it as painlessly as possible. I'd let his body rest dignified. I had it all planned out. I didn't want Sasuke-kun to suffer anymore. Him continuing on his path of darkness only caused him pain. This would be a mercy killing. It would help him. It was for his own sake!
There was a small hiccup in me trying to put Sai, Lee and Kiba to sleep so I could slip away, but Sai distracted everyone when he stated that none of us were capable of taking down Sasuke-kun. I got away, following the directions that Kiba had given of Sasuke-kun's whereabouts prier.
And then I found him, at the edge of the woods, on one of the bridges to the Kage summit.
I wasn't expecting him to be where Kiba said. It wasn't that I had doubted Kiba's nose or tracking skills, but it had been so difficult to find Sasuke-kun during all the years of searching, what were the chances that this time, I'd find him? How could I simply just travel north, one kilometer, and there he was? I came across him just by walking. I almost hoped he wouldn't be there, so I would have an excuse not to go through with my plan.
But there Sasuke-kun was, the cause of all my suffering and longing, like a dark, insane angel of chaos. I staggered closer to him, creeping nearer and nearer, waiting for him to disappear in a shimmer of light. This couldn't be him. He couldn't really be here. He couldn't have really turned ... evil.
But that's what he felt like, like I was standing before one of the members of the Akatsuki, who only wanted to destroy and bring pain, like someone villainous.
He looked like he had been in a fight, but I had no idea with who or what he could have possibly been doing before I came upon him. His clothes were tattered and speckled with blood, most was obviously his own. I could see his wounds clearly, my eyes trained to spot them, especially on those who stubbornly tried to conceal them from me. Blood was also leaking from his left eye, and it crusted on the corners of his mouth.
He was standing over a red-haired woman who looked badly hurt. I didn't know who she was, and I wondered if she was the one he had been battling, but something told me it hadn't been her. Her chakra presence was weak. She didn't seem the type to have been able to do such damage to Sasuke-kun. She wasn't what turned him into what I saw.
He had been about to kill her. Maybe I should have let him, but I repulsively told him to stop. Because of that outburst he noticed me, blowing my cover. That wasn't important. I had to get close to him. I had no long-range attacks. All I had was a kunai, dipped in a fast-acting poison, hidden in my cloak. "I've abandoned the village!" I had shouted to him. "I've come to join you!"
"Sakura," Sasuke-kun stated, the usual annoyance in his voice, but that was all that was the same. His chakra was completely different from what I had known. It was completely different than it was when I last saw him. It was still dark and cold as it always had been, but now it was more unstable, more crazy and more unpredictable.
He was standing on the stone bridge, where large parts of it looked like they had just disappeared, too cleanly to have been blown up. Some strange, specific jutsu must have cut it away. There were also two trees weirdly growing in random places on the bridge. I leapt over the larger missing section, swallowing my fear, and becoming closer to the man I had sworn my love to years ago, and so recently swore to kill now.
"Why? What's in it for you?" he asked suspiciously. Up close he was even more terrifying. I could clearly see the blood in his eyes, leaking out of his lids as casually as rain drops. He stood like the substance was not even there. It was hard to keep eye contact with him
"I'm not plotting anything!" Why was I so bad at lying!? I tried the same route I did with Naruto, even though that had proved to be ineffective. The only way I could continue talking was if I poured some truth into what I was saying. "Ever since you left, I find myself regretting not going with you." My voice was trembling. I could not keep it strong, not in front of Uchiha Sasuke. "Look, I'll do anything you want me to. I'm tired of regrets!"
"Do you know what I really want?" his low voice uttered threateningly. It almost made me actually want to give whatever it was to him, instead of just pretending to go along with my act. Even evil, hurt, and utterly mad as Sasuke-kun looked now, he was still entirely too beautiful to be existing.
"Don't you get it!? I don't care what it is! I'll do whatever you say!"
"To destroy the Leaf!" And that sentence confirmed all the rumors I heard, every accusation and crime. Sasuke-kun was our enemy now, and he was smothering the very last of my hope that maybe it was not true. "That is what I want. You think you could really do that? Betray the Hidden Leaf Village for me?" There was so much contempt in his voice. He was trying to shock me.
I had to keep my calm. "Yes. I would if you asked me to." But that wasn't what he was asking me to do. He was testing me. I knew he knew I was incapable of destroying the village, even if I wanted to. That would not be my test.
"Alright. Why don't you prove it to me? I want you to kill her right now." He pointed to the red-haired woman at his feet. "Do that and I'll accept that you're serious."
I showed him my weapon, trying to bide for time. There had to be a way I could get around this. Maybe I could kill him before I had to kill her. "Who is she?" I asked.
"A member of team Taka, but as you can see, she's useless. Sakura, you're a medical ninja, right?" I wasn't really sure how he knew that. I hadn't started my medical training until after he had left the village, unless it was possible that he had gained the ability to read minds, in which case I was done for. "It's perfect. You can replace her. This will work out just fine." Every word that came out of his splendid mouth was as cold as stone. It made my resolve better. This wasn't the old Sasuke-kun. This new demon murderer killed the old Sasuke-kun. It would be alright if I killed him. It would avenge Sasuke-kun's memory. "What's the matter, Sakura, you can't do it?" Sasuke-kun moved behind me, menacingly, away from my dagger. My heart started to beat so hard I was sure he could hear it. The woman on the ground started to beg. I suddenly wished that I was in her position. She was part of his team, an innocent woman who was just no longer useful to him. I wondered what her exact relationship was with him, and if she was happy before she came to her unfortunate demise. If I had left with Sasuke-kun, perhaps I would have been her, and I would be the one dying at his feet. I almost wished it was true, but it was not, and I was stronger than this.
I thought the woman was telling me not to kill her. A second too late, I realized she was telling Sasuke-kun not to kill me. I didn't even hear the thousand chirps of his Chidori. Not until Kakashi-sensei suddenly appeared and averted the attack.
A swarm of feelings hit me into a state of shock at Kakashi-sensei intervening. For the briefest of seconds, I was angry at Kakashi-sensei for interrupting, for stopping me. And then logic squashed that away when I realized that if Kakashi-sensei hadn't figured out my plan and found us, that Sasuke-kun would have killed me. I was the fool. I had failed. I hadn't even been good enough to keep my secret from Kakashi-sensei. I had no idea how he had known to come in time. He had always been a league far ahead of anyone, more amazing than I could comprehend.
"There's no need for you to bear such a heavy burden," Kakashi-sensei told me comfortingly, and his voice was soothing. The elite, jonin and ex ANBU always succeeded in making me feel better with just a soft sentence, but what he said broke my heart. "After all, it was my cowardliness that drove you all apart, when I was the leader of Team Seven." He moved closer beside me, front never leaving the direction that Sasuke-kun was in. "Sakura, I once tried to put you at ease by telling you something irresponsible. Perhaps I was trying to convince myself too. I'm sorry I'm such a careless sensei."
"But you're not," I uttered. Kakashi-sensei was an amazing teacher, and I was suddenly grateful to all of his lies. It didn't fix the tragedies that had befallen, but it hadn't made me so blind that I was too shocked of where we had all ended up. Those little lies had kept me sane as a young girl. I didn't want Kakashi-sensei to think this was his fault. I didn't want Naruto to think it was his fault that he couldn't make Sasuke-kun return to the village. It was my fault that I hadn't been able to trick Sasuke-kun into my blade. It was my fault that Kakashi-sensei was going to have to do it instead.
"Sasuke, I've told you this before, and I don't like to repeat myself, but I'll say this once more. You gotta forget about revenge," Kakashi-sensei demanded of the Uchiha.
The sound that came from Sasuke-kun was that of a nightmare I couldn't have even begun to imagine. It was a laugh. I had never heard Sasuke-kun laugh. Never in my life, and this sound, this laugh that didn't belong to Sasuke-kun became born, like an unwanted, mutated abomination. It erupted. It roared. Sasuke-kun had truly gone mad. Anything inside him that used to be what I had known was gone, eaten away by some crazy mental illness.
Then the laugh disappeared, with no trace of amusement left on his face, quick, within the blink of an eye. "Stop acting like you're still my sensei. Go ahead and try something if you like. I'm just itching to kill you." If Kakashi-sensei felt any of the fear and anguish I was feeling from those words, it could not be seen. He stared back at Sasuke-kun, as if he were only an unruly child.
Kakashi-sensei ordered me to heal the woman because she could provide valuable entail. I did what I was told as Kakashi-sensei began to fight with Sasuke-kun. Anything more would just enhance the foolish mistakes I tended to always make. I focused on healing her as my mind went into a turmoil. I was so stupid. Either Sasuke-kun was going to kill Kakashi-sensei or Kakashi-sensei was going to kill Sasuke-kun. I didn't want either to happen. I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my nose as I pushed my chakra through my fingertips. The woman was stabbed through her right lung. It had been a wonder she hadn't drowned in her own blood yet. I had to clear it away so that she could breathe.
She tried to talk to me, but I shushed her. Her trying to speak was affecting my concentration. It was hard enough to heal the lung while she was breathing alone.
I was almost done healing her when I started listening in on Sasuke-kun's and Kakashi-sensei's fight. I hadn't wanted really to listen, as I was sure to hear the death of one of them. I didn't think I could bear to know that Kakashi-sensei had slain Sasuke-kun, but as the fight dragged on, I was afraid he wouldn't be able to. Sasuke-kun seemed to have gotten stronger, and by what Kakashi-sensei was saying to him, it looked like he was still trying to save Sasuke-kun with his words, make him change his mind. I was deathly afraid that such a mistake would cost Kakashi-sensei his life, so when I heard Sasuke-kun curse at his own sight, I thought it was my chance.
Besides, this wasn't Kakashi-sensei's burden. He had done the best anyone could as our teacher. Too many of Kakashi-sensei's friend's deaths were on his conscience already. I didn't want one more on it when he carried such a burden. Sasuke-kun should be slain by me, the one person alive who loved him more than anything.
Sasuke-kun was blinded. I saw him rubbing at his blood-filled eyes. He couldn't see. He couldn't see me. I left the woman. Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke-kun had taken their fight to the water below us. I silently infused chakra to my feet, treading lightly over the stone, hanging upside down underneath the bridge. Sasuke-kun was facing away from me, rubbing at his eyes.
He didn't know I was there. I moved onward. Kakashi-sensei could clearly see me, but he was in no state to move. He had already run out of too much chakra. Now was my chance.
I ran forward, my feet now tapping against the stone brick, but if I got there quick enough, it wouldn't matter if Sasuke-kun could hear me. Besides, I could tell he had no more chakra left either. He wouldn't be able to perform any jutsu. All I had to do was drive my knife into his back. It would be one, oh so simple move.
I hesitated before leaving the underside of the bridge, watching Sasuke-kun rub at his eyes like a stubborn crying child. The memories of our school days came back to me, memories of us being part of a team, Sasuke-kun's small kindnesses to Naruto and I. The three of us had been the best of friends. We were supposed to always be together.
I remembered when Sasuke-kun had left the village, and how I didn't understand him. I hadn't understood what it was like to be alone. Sasuke-kun loved his clan so much. That was what Naruto said. That was why he had turned into this, because the people he loved were gone.
I loved him. I had been lonely with every day and night after Sasuke-kun was gone. I had suffered through it for him, for it was what he wanted. I would suffer every day of my life without him, because he had thanked me before he left the village. He had thanked me. He didn't specify for what, but over time it hadn't mattered. I had come to the conclusion that he was thanking me for just simply everything, anything, whatever I had done, for every annoying or un-useful time I may have been. He was glad that he had known me. And that was enough to love him every day without him with me. That was enough for me to always be in love with him.
But it wasn't enough for me to kill him.
I was able to go as far as dropping down behind him without making so much of a water ripple, but my hand stopped before an inch over the Uchiha symbol stitched onto his back. Sasuke-kun had worn an insignia just like that when we were young. The red and white colors muddled together as fresh tears welled in my eyes. I kept hearing his voice, from three years ago, thanking me.
Of course, Sasuke-kun knew I was now behind him.
He spun around, and even though he wasn't able to see me, he knew exactly where my throat was, his right hand grasping it as he lifted me right off my feet. His grip on me was unforgiving, clutching me so tightly there was no possibility of screaming. He pulled my poison dagger from my hand and stared at me unseeingly. His eyes were dead, clouded, though it wasn't like he needed to see to accomplish a fatal blow. His eyes were blank, but his face was written with murder. He would kill me for attempting his life. I honestly felt sorry. I was sorry that I had made him so angry at me. I felt like I deserved to die by his hand.
Kakashi-sensei had moved toward us but there was no way he'd be able to save me this time. I would die, like I had always deserved to.
I had never been anything but an annoying, useless brat.
But I didn't die, because Naruto miraculously appeared, his timing even closer than when Kakashi-sensei had first rescued me. I don't know why I was so taken aback with Naruto's appearance. I was more dazed to see him than Kakashi-sensei, though it made sense that the reason why Naruto had come was because he had gone after our teacher.
Naruto had grabbed me into his arms, out of Sasuke-kun's surprised grip. We skidded across the water, Naruto's gaze going around his shoulder to catch Sasuke-kun's blind stare.
The look in Naruto's eyes was one that I had never seen before. He was beyond furious. I thought Naruto had been upset with me when I had confessed to him, but that was only one percent compared to what was in his eyes now. His glare wasn't one that he would have given an enemy, not even one that he hated as much as Pain. There wasn't hatred in his eyes or want of vengeance. It was disappointment and fury. Because Naruto cared. He cared so much, and he was sure as hell to do something about all of this.
It was powerful enough to make anyone's heart stop and Sasuke-kun couldn't even see it.
As Naruto pressed me into him, Kakashi-sensei finally reached Sasuke-kun and attacked. They battled each other with taijutsu, Sasuke-kun still blind, until I started to see some eye movement from him. It seemed like Sasuke-kun was beginning to regain some of his sight back, though I doubted he could use the Sharingan anytime soon. Once Sasuke-kun could see all of us, he landed a safe distance away, Kakashi-sensei regrouping with Naruto and I.
Sasuke-kun had almost succeeded in killing me twice now. His intent was very clear and there was no mistake about it. Sasuke-kun wanted to kill all of us. He wanted to sever our bonds, kill everyone in the Hidden Leaf and then destroy the village until it was nothing. He told us, right to our faces, that very moment. Kakashi-sensei asked Naruto and I if we understood how far-gone Sasuke-kun was. He was never coming back.
Naruto ignored Kakashi-sensei. Even now, I could tell he was going to be stubborn about this. Naruto was enraged with Sasuke-kun, but he would not kill him. Even though Naruto had just saved my life, I wasn't entirely sure what he would do if more fighting began. Naruto wouldn't betray us, but he wouldn't betray Sasuke-kun either.
When Naruto finally did speak it was to Sasuke-kun. He simply told him that he understood. Understood what, I had no idea! Naruto understood why Sasuke-kun wanted to kill all of us? Was he losing his mind as well? As Naruto continued to speak to Sasuke-kun, he told him that he learned the truth about Itachi. I hadn't known what they were talking about, because naturally, the truth had failed to be mentioned to me. Like always, Naruto knew and understood Sasuke-kun so much better than I ever did.
Sasuke-kun's denial in Naruto's understanding was a natural thing, but it still made me angry. Naruto had been the only one in the entire village that hadn't given up on him yet. Naruto was the only one that still thought he could rescue him, and Sasuke-kun was carelessly pushing him away when Naruto was his last hope. I spoke up about it, because I couldn't really believe it myself.
Naruto hadn't given up on Sasuke-kun, and I had. I had given up. Even now, I didn't think we could save Sasuke-kun. Here he was, sprouting all the murder he wished to do to us. How could that be reasoned? It was clear that Sasuke-kun's mind had changed. He wasn't the same and it truly didn't seem fixable, but Naruto refused to give up.
Naruto never went back on his word, and he had given his word that he had to save Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun meant everything to Naruto. Sasuke-kun may have even meant more to Naruto than he did to me. He had to, right? Because I had given up on him.
Naruto made some shadow clones, but Kakashi-sensei held his arm up to back Naruto off, claiming that this was still all our sensei's burden. He told the two of us to get out of here. "If you don't, you'll see something you wish you hadn't."
I started to argue, but Kakashi-sensei told me that Sasuke-kun would be immune to the poison I had made, for he still had Orochimaru's cells in him. How come I hadn't thought of that before?! And of course, Kakashi-sensi had to mention my feelings. I wouldn't be able to go through hurting Sasuke-kun, no matter what I did.
"You said we'd see something we wish we hadn't! Are you going to kill Sasuke?" Naruto's question wasn't naïve and innocent. He knew the answer.
Sasuke-kun ran forward with his Chidori.
Before Kakashi-sensei could respond, Naruto grabbed him and ran forward to Sasuke-kun instead, at full attack with the Rasengan. It was like when I had watched the two of them three years ago on top of the hospital, only Sasuke-kun's intent really was to kill this time.
The aftershock sent both of them into the opposite directions. Kakashi-sensei was able to catch Naruto before he hurt himself.
A white, humanoid creature caught Sasuke-kun, but I was hyperventilating too much to question who or what it was, trying to keep my footing on the now roaring water.
"Naruto, I told you to go back to the village!" Kakashi-sensei scolded as he settled Naruto down on the water's surface.
Naruto continued to ignore him. His only focus was on Sasuke-kun. "It's... all clear to me now."
"It's all clear? What do you mean by that, Naruto?" Kakashi-sensei asked.
Sasuke-kun was tired now. He probably shouldn't have tried to use that Chidori against Naruto when he had. There was no way he could perform another attack. He was having trouble just breathing. Sasuke-kun wasn't going to win this fight. He was outnumbered, and even though I didn't know what the white creature was capable of, it was most likely Sasuke-kun would attempt to retreat soon.
Anxiously I waited. Now would have been the perfect opportunity to strike if we were to take down Sasuke-kun, but I wasn't even sure if that was the plan anymore. It certainly wasn't Naruto's plan. I had no idea what Naruto was planning on doing. So Kakashi-sensei and I did nothing as Naruto and Sasuke-kun stared at each other, communicating silently like they had always been able to do, no matter what side of the battle they were on.
Then another man appeared, in an orange mask. Kakashi-sensei called him Madara. He knew who Naruto was, and that Naruto was the Nine-Tails. He announced that Sasuke-kun needed to retreat.
Madara called the white thing Zetsu, and Zetsu retreated first. Naruto started to walk forward, as if he didn't have a care in the world.
"Naruto!" Kakashi-sensei called after him.
"I know," Naruto grumbled back. "Don't worry. I'm alright. There's just one thing I want to make sure to say to Sasuke before he leaves."
And Sasuke-kun looked up, willing to listen. That surprised me more than everything else that had happened within this short hour. Sasuke-kun, as mad and crazed as he was, was willing to listen to Naruto, not Kakashi-sensei, not I, not even Madara, who wanted to leave now, but Naruto.
"Sasuke, do you remember? Do you remember what you said to me long ago back in the Final Valley, the thing about high level shinobi? Trading blows just now, I learned a lot about you and what you're thinking. It means we've become high level shinobi! Both you and me. So Sasuke, how about it? Can you tell what it is I'm thinking right now? Can you read my mind, and can you understand if you and I fight each other, we will both die?" Naruto's voice carried across the space between the two opposing sides. Sasuke-kun said nothing back, like Naruto was talking to nothing but open air. "Sasuke, if you attack the Hidden Leaf, I will fight you. Don't doubt that. But until that day, save your hatred. Then you can throw all of it at me! I'm the only one that can handle all that hate! Do you understand?! I'm the only one that can fulfill that duty!" Sasuke-kun was becoming upset by Naruto's words. I saw him clench his teeth. His mouth started to tremble. "So I'll bear the burden of your hatred and I'll die with you."
Naruto needed to stop talking. Perhaps Sasuke-kun was realizing it too. Every word that came out of Naruto's mouth was an oath, and Naruto never went back on his word. He was cursing himself the more he spoke.
He meant everything he would say. The promise he made to me to bring Sasuke-kun back could only be voided by this new pledge. If Sasuke-kun had to die, Naruto was going to die right along with him.
I was suddenly angry, and all too scared. Naruto was stubborn. He would do what he said, but he couldn't keep all of his promises. It was physically impossible! How could Naruto die with Sasuke-kun? He told me that he wouldn't. That he wouldn't die on me, that he wouldn't leave me all alone. Naruto really was a fool. I had believed in him, and everything he said. So far, there had been no reason not to, despite how unbelievable his promises seemed to be. I had faith that he had a way, he had some sort of plan. But Naruto was an idiot. Surely, he'd have realized that he was making contradictions, if he had any idea on what he was doing at all.
"What is it with you, huh?" Sasuke-kun growled. "Just what in the hell do you want from me!? Why are you so fixated on me?!" he shouted, confused. Honestly, it was something I didn't understand either. Why did Naruto always go so far for Sasuke-kun? He even was willing to choose Sasuke-kun in death over life with me.
Naruto simply stated, "Because I'm your friend." But friends don't become fixated on each other. Friends don't make suicide pacts. Was it really just because Naruto was Sasuke-kun's friend? Could it be as simple as that? "Sasuke, from the moment we met, I knew it was going to take a lot of work to understand you." He thrusted his fist in Sasuke-kun's direction. "Exchanging punches is a way that we can understand each other. I know that! Like I said just now, it means the both of us have become high level shinobi. I haven't given up on you! Not yet. I will take you back to the Hidden Leaf Village. I'll never change my mind!"
Naruto's voice was so pleasant, despite the situation. His words were so warm, and I felt myself start to believe in them again. Perhaps Naruto could keep all his promises. All he had to do was really 'rescue' Sasuke-kun. Change his mind. And bring him home. I hadn't thought it possible, but I started to have faith again. It was small, and subtle but there was something in Sasuke-kun's body language that changed once Naruto had appeared. He was still crazy and insane, but slightly more subdued, and it was because of Naruto. Perhaps Naruto could change his heart.
I thought all my tears had dried out. I had become so exhausted and numb that I didn't think I could cry anymore, but Naruto's words reawakening the hope in me, made my face grow warm again. I was so grateful for him. I was so grateful for Naruto's existence. I could hardly stand it. I didn't know how to thank him. I felt undeserving that I benefited so much from him.
"Alright, I guess I'm done nagging you for now, Sasuke," Naruto laughed easily. "Dammit, this is ridiculous. I'm no good with words. I shouldn't try to lecture you! I guess if the worst does happen, and the both of us wind up dying, you won't be an Uchiha, and I won't be the Nine-Tails jinchūriki. And we will understand each other in the afterlife."
"I'm not going to change," Sasuke-kun murmured stubbornly. "I don't want to understand you. I'm not going to die. You're the one that's going to die."
"Then we'll die together, Sasuke."
"Fine by me, but at least I'll take you down first!"
"No problem, since it's clear that you still don't respect me at all!"
"That's enough, Naruto." Kakashi-sensei silenced. He must have been getting uneasy with the tension between the two sides. Sure, all Naruto and Sasuke-kun were doing was talking, but at a drop of a hat, it could have changed into another physical fight.
I felt humiliated that Naruto had so much resolve, while I was hesitant in everything I did. Naruto better not die. The both of them better not die. I reined in my emotions. I wouldn't let them die on me. That would be my new goal. That was the whole reason I became a medical ninja! I would make sure that the both of them would survive! Those fucking idiots. They weren't going to leave me and die together.
Suddenly Sasuke-kun and the Akatsuki were gone, disappearing into thin air, the way Sasuke-kun always could so easily.
Sasuke-kun.
Compared to Naruto's tanned skin, Sasuke-kun's skin had always been pale. Now, it was even paler than mine, and I was rather naturally faired skinned. Sasuke-kun's skin was white, his cheeks like two porcelain plates that sat on his face. I had a brief thought that the overly paleness of his skin was from his blood loss.
His eyes were like two burning black holes on a white piece of paper, framed in obsidian hair. The pristine picture was a canvas painted with red, some of the blood bright, wet and slick, while other parts were speckled in drying russet.
That wasn't the only thing that was flawing the beautiful face. His lips were chapped. I probably wouldn't have noticed if they weren't so pale against the scabs. There were slight wrinkles around his eyelids, and perse bruising under his eyes. Sweat and blood tangled in his hair, causing some of it to stick to his skin, while the rest stubbornly stuck out in random places.
Sasuke-kun shouldn't be this disheveled. It was very unlike him.
Oh, that's right. Sasuke-kun was our enemy now. He joined the Akatsuki. That's why he wasn't the same. That's why there were mars in his perfection.
Looking deeper into his eyes, I saw the pupils were faded, clouded with cataracts. He couldn't see. He couldn't see me. This was my chance.
Sasuke-kun coughed, fresh blood coloring his colorless lips. I realized my poisoned kunai was already embedded into his chest, my hand still gripping the handle. He raised his own hand to clutch my wrist, breath coming out fast and shallow. His eyes kept blinking, trying to see through the fog, trying to make me out in the shadows. The rapid movement made the blood droplets that had been clinging to the lids fall, painting his cheeks even more.
His knees buckled. I caught him, lowering him gently to the ground. "Sasuke-kun!" I gasped, surprised at how bad his condition was, even though I was the one that did this to him.
I laid him onto his back, my own body trembling, afraid that I could be hurting him more as his chest heaved up and down with the kunai still in it. A layer of sweat made his pale skin gleam brightly. He coughed more on his back, so I placed his head on my lap to help him breathe. "Sasuke-kun, I'm so sorry!" I sobbed. "I had to... You were... You were going to destroy the village!"
Sasuke-kun said nothing, most likely because he couldn't. What would he say anyway? That he hated me? His eyes and mouth were wide, staring blankly at nothing. He raised a hand in my direction.
And then he did speak. "Sa-Sakura..." My name. And that was all. His fingertips grazed my cheek. He was weak, and any tenderness was probably unintentional, but it didn't matter. I grabbed his hand and kissed it. "Sasuke-kun..." His grip tightened around my fingers, his breath speeding up even more as the poison worked through his system. His lips were turning blue. "No. Wait. Sasuke-kun! Don't die! I'm sorry! I changed my mind!" I had to give him the antidote! I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't just watch as Sasuke-kun died before my eyes when I had the power to stop it. I started to search through my pack, frantically looking for the antidote. It wasn't there. That wasn't right. I knew I packed it! I wouldn't have taken the poison with me if I didn't have an antidote.
Oh wait. I had given the antidote to Naruto when Sasuke-kun had scraped his cheek with my kunai.
A gargled noise escaped Sasuke-kun, and after one last violent convulsion, he was still. "SASUKE-KUN!" His face was placid. When people die, there is normally a peaceful expression on their faces, but there wasn't any peace. It was just unmoving. Hauntingly beautiful as ever, but still without peace, trapped in the darkness.
I screamed in my anguish. Eliminating Sasuke-kun was supposed to be the right thing to do, but I couldn't remember why. How was the world better off without this precious person? How was anything worth anything without Sasuke-kun? I felt like I destroyed something extraordinary, deadly, but great and noble and all things beautiful died with him. It was my fault. It was always my fault. I was always fucking everything up.
I screamed again, at myself, hating everything about me.
I was yanked upward and suddenly there were dark trees all around me. Sasuke-kun's hand, which I been holding on with a death grip, was now Naruto's, and his other hand was over my mouth, muffling my scream.
He made shushing noises at me as I continued to gasp in air. "Sakura-chan," he said calmly to me, removing his hand.
"Sasuke-kun! I killed him!" Naruto should know. He had to know that he should hate me. "I killed him!" I sobbed, my breath still coming in and out so fast that it made little screams.
"Sakura-chan, calm down! You're breathing too fast!" He returned his hand over my mouth and nose. "Take a breath and hold it." I did so with a whimper. "Sasuke's not dead," he said, counting to ten under his breath. "He left with Madara and Zetsu. Let out your breath slowly now."
I didn't do a good job. It came out in a gush. "I tried to kill him all by myself, and I couldn't do it!" Which was really just as bad. I was so hopeless. Seconds ago, I wished I hadn't killed Sasuke-kun and now I was mad at myself for not having the guts to. "I'm weak! I have always been weak, and I'll always will be weak! I keep causing problems! I poisoned you and you threw up five times. I left Kiba and the others passed out in the middle of the road after lying to them. And I lied to you. Everyone is fed up with me. Kiba-"
"Fuck what Kiba thinks. Come on, now." Naruto scooped me up, pulling me off my sleeping mat and onto his that was next to mine. He tried to pull me under his covers, but I fought with him.
"No! What are you doing?! Everyone's here! They'll see us! What will they think?!" I had screamed. Of course, the others in our group should have noticed something. Kakashi-sensei was up, keeping watch, and his one eye was staring directly at us.
"Who cares what the hell they think?" and Naruto shoved me against his chest, pulling the blanket tightly around us. "You're freaking the fuck out."
Kakashi-sensei let out a sigh, before standing up and leaping into the trees to keep watch up there. I had a feeling he knew. He probably knew everything about Naruto and me. He had known to come rescue me after all.
One of my eyes was able to see the rest of our group. Lee was snoring loudly and didn't appear to have woken at all. Kiba groaned, but after Akumaru rested his head back onto him he became still again. Although, the dog kept staring at me. The red-haired woman had been exhausted. She was passed out cold.
Sai hadn't moved at all, but I doubted he was asleep. He was a Root ANBU. He couldn't have slept through my shrieking. He was most likely pretending.
Naruto was stroking my hair. I needed it and hated it at the same time. I felt the strokes comfort me into his warmth, while still sending unwanted goosebumps down my back. "You're not a burden, Sakura-chan. And you're certainly not weak. You can split a fucking mountain."
"I'm emotionally weak. I'm weak in character."
"Sakura-chan," Naruto cupped my face and pointed it up toward him. "You're an amazing person. You're so smart and brave. Seriously, the things you do amaze me, like how you can just come up with an antidote to a poison that no one else can, or how well you fix people up when they're hurt. I mean, yeah you don't have any super crazy jutsu, but so what? Without you, a lot of people, including me, would be dead. Be grateful you didn't kill Sasuke. You don't want that on your conscience anyway. You're too good of a person."
"But why can't I stop crying?!" I continued to cry, snot and tears leaking onto Naruto's shirt. "It's like I can't grow up and it's the simplest thing to not do. I know Sasuke-kun's the enemy now. I don't expect him to have a happy ending, and if he dies, I shouldn't care! It wouldn't change anything about my life! Why can't I get over it!? I just keep sobbing like a weak little child."
"Sakura-chan, it's okay! A couple days ago, I literally had a panic attack too. Just try to calm your breathing and you'll start to feel better. It'll help with the crying." It took a few moments, but eventually I got my breathing back to normal. I was still sniffling, and Naruto wiped my nose with the end of his shirt.
"That's gross," I said.
"I don't care," he responded. We were both silent. I couldn't fall back to sleep, uncomfortable in Naruto's sleeping mat, and I knew Naruto wasn't sleeping either.
"If you die with Sasuke-kun, you'd break a promise to me. You'd be going back on your word," I murmured, feeling nothing but dread, and maybe just a tiny bit of anger for the boy with his arms around me.
Naruto didn't answer right away, like he had forgotten, and I had only just reminded him. "Don't worry about that," he finally said. "I'll handle it."
"You'll handle it by dying with Sasuke-kun. You'll leave me and the both of you will die and I'll be all alone," I whimpered.
Naruto tightened his hold on me. "Sakura-chan, I don't want to say that there isn't a possibility of that happening, but you sure as hell know that it is not my intention. I'm going to do all in my power to make things right."
"What if the right thing to do is killing Sasuke-kun?"
"It's not," Naruto answered.
"How do you know?"
"I just... It's not right with me. I can't let it happen."
I dug my fingers into the front of Naruto's shirt. "How can you...?" I whispered. "I know, you have a very forgiving heart, but Naruto, at which point is someone unforgivable? What if Sasuke-kun killed me, or Kakashi-sensei? Would you still be able to forgive him? Would you still think he was savable?"
"It's not about what point he can't be forgiven," Naruto grumbled. "He's Sasuke, and that's just never going to change. He's always going to be Sasuke to me."
I could feel more tremors start to act up, so I didn't speak for a while. I just concentrated on breathing Naruto in.
"He's Sasuke," Naruto continued. "He's not someone else. Yes, people change but they're still themselves in part, and Sasuke is still himself. I understand why he's upset, and he can't tell he's being used by Madara. Sasuke is lost and confused, and he just needs to be found and put back on the right path."
"How could it be that simple? If he hates the whole village, how can you make him suddenly forgive it. It's not just one person he's mad at, it's the entire village."
"Because Sakura-chan... I used to hate the village too. I know what it's like."
I blinked. "What do you mean you hated the village?"
"My parents died after they sealed the Nine-Tails inside me. The Third Hokage looked after me some, but just enough so I would survive. Him being the Hokage, he didn't have time to really raise me. I was just thrown into daycare and then brought back home every day. I was let to wander around the streets because no one told me I couldn't. All the adults in the village thought of me as the fox, you know, cause if I got angry enough or lost control, the fox could take over and kill more people, so no one wanted to have anything to do with me." Naruto took a breath as he remembered his childhood. "The Third tried to protect me, by not telling the younger generation what I am, but kids can read adults' behavior. No one would talk to me. No one would even walk close to me, and I didn't even know why. I misbehaved just so people would notice me, and then they'd get mad and punish me or chase me away and yell. I was so lonely that I really hated... everyone." Naruto swallowed. "When I was little, I remember planning... on hurting people, to make them sorry, and realize how they were treating me. I was too weak to do anything. I was only a little kid, but I thought, well if I grow up and get strong, I'd be powerful enough to destroy everything and teach everyone a lesson. That's why I wanted to be the strongest ninja in the village."
"W-what?" Naruto's confession was shocking to hear. It was unfeasible to think that kindhearted Naruto would have such a thought, especially during his most innocent years.
"But Iruka-sensei was kind to me, and just like that, I realized that not all people were bad and I decided I wanted to protect the precious bonds I made. Seeing Sasuke, when we were little, I knew he was like me: alone. I always wanted to reach out to him, because even in the beginning, I didn't want to be alone. I didn't particularly like Sasuke, because I didn't really like anyone, but I still wanted to be around someone, and I thought he would be a perfect match for me. I never had the courage to really approach him because Sasuke was always so much cooler than me, but sometimes I'd smile at him, and rarely, but it did happen, Sasuke would smile back, when he thought I wasn't paying attention."
Naruto grew silent. I felt the emotion radiating from him. This was a precious memory for him, and I was aware of how delicate it was. I felt if I breathed too hard, Naruto would just shatter in my arms. Perhaps Sasuke-kun had always belonged to Naruto first. Naruto had stolen nothing from me. I was the thief trying to take it away.
"I was mad at you, Sakura-chan," Naruto suddenly said, breaking me out of my thoughts. "I was mad that you lied to me. That you said you didn't have feelings for Sasuke anymore; that was a lie."
I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm sorry! But even now, I still don't know if we can save Sasuke-kun. Maybe I don't love him enough. I've lost hope. I can't even defend him like you can."
"You love Sasuke," Naruto stated. "Falling in love with someone is easy. Having sex with someone is even easier, but finding that person, that sets your soul on fire to the point where you can't even stand it, that doesn't come often. I know how you feel about him, Sakura. I see your brain just stop working because of him. You do stupid things. It's because he drives your soul crazy. Don't doubt it. You're in love with Uchiha Sasuke still."
Naruto's words didn't make me feel any better. Being in love sucked, but not only that, the way Naruto described it, like he had that crazy burning feeling himself, made me uncomfortable. I wasn't quite sure who Naruto felt for that made him do crazy shit. Was it me? I didn't want to be the cause of Naruto's suffering, but I wasn't exactly sure if I was the reason why Naruto was so stupid in love.
"You can't lie very well, and I guess, I'm glad that I've noticed that you have never done it to me before. It just kind of scared me. You think you know a person so well, and then they do something out of character. I was afraid you had changed, and I hadn't noticed. I didn't want to make that mistake again, like with Sasuke. I didn't want to misunderstand something."
"I just... I lied to you because I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want you to hate me. If I told you that we'd be going on a mission to eliminate Sasuke-kun-"
Naruto gave me a short squeeze, silently telling me that I didn't need to explain myself. Naruto already knew everything about me. "You've never lied to me, Sakura-chan, except that once, and it made me realize something. I haven't been exactly honest with you."
"What do you mean?"
"I've kept something from you... There have been times... that I've seen Sasuke, after he left the village, and I never told you about them."
"What?" I asked in a loud whisper. It was enough for me to push myself up and away from Naruto so I could gaze into his face. I did a quick head turn to the rest of our companions to make sure they were still asleep before turning back to Naruto. "Why wouldn't you tell me something that important!?"
"I didn't want you to know that each time I saw him, I failed again to bring him back home," Naruto said. "You'd just get more upset and frustrated. I... I mean, Sasuke was still an asshole every time I ran into him, but sometimes, whatever mission I was in or whatever, Sasuke would help me out. He still cared; you know? He always ran away right after, but he cared about me. He once told me that I either had to kill him and become the hero of the Leaf or be killed by him and be a loser. But like, the way he said it, like he didn't want me to be the loser, like he wanted me to kill him because he couldn't stand his life anymore." Naruto's voice grew deep with emotion, as if he himself might start crying too. "Like, I feel like he might be doing all of this just to get me to kill him. He's so sad. He's so sad and alone! If he would just let me in. I could be there for him. I could make him happy!" Naruto sniffled, and I realized he was crying.
I laid back down again so I wouldn't have to see Naruto's broken face. Naruto was saying the things that I should have been saying. I wanted to be there for Sasuke-kun, but I didn't know how, and Sasuke-kun sure as hell wasn't letting me. Sasuke-kun didn't seem to want much to do with Naruto either, but there was still something there that I didn't have. Sasuke-kun was willing to die by Naruto's hand, but not by mine.
"Naruto, I need to ask you a sensitive question. Please answer as truthfully as you can, because I feel like I need to know in order to truly understand you."
Naruto tightened his grip on me. "Yeah?" he asked nervously. Both our hearts were thudding hard, in rhythm with each other.
My voice was the quietest of whispers, hoping to keep the question from even Sai's prying ears. "Are you in love ... with Sasuke-kun...?"
Naruto pressed his face into my hair. He didn't move and if he decided not to answer, I wasn't going to press him again. "I don't know," he answered. "Maybe. Probably. I don't know. I don't know what this feeling is."