- Afterburn -

Sakura stands in front of the great Konoha gates, looking up at the spot where she and Yume-Kakashi had sat a little over a week ago.

She had only been gone for 9 days, yet it felt like a lifetime had passed in the span of those 200 hours. It was only when she had put eyes on these gates from the valley that she'd realized how different everything felt around her. It was like coming home to find all your furniture had been shifted 3 inches to the left for no explicable reason.

She'd never noticed before how surreal Konoha looked, growing up out of the forest like a mushroom cap. The giant horizontal head beam above the great gates looked otherworldly, like something that large shouldn't be suspended so hight in the air. Before the summit, she had been nothing but a tiny speck sitting atop it, licking her wounds. She'd sat there preparing for a week that would inevitably come to change her life. She'd had no idea how much change it would ultimately involve.

Coming home, she doesn't entirely know who she is or what her life will look like moving forward. She doesn't have all the answers, but she knows she's ready to find out.

Shikamaru walks beside her now, his body in his signature casual slouch. He's dragging his feet like he's ready to be home but too tired to rush to actually get there. Even his posture stands out to her now, his familiar presence just to the left of normal.

Maybe it was how far away he was? They travel just apart enough that their proximity won't draw suspicion, but still not close enough to touch. They drift like strange celestial objects, circling each other in long elliptical orbits.

She hates even this small distance apart from him.

She doesn't want to pretend like nothing has happened between them just for the sake of current company. She wants to slip her fingers into his and walk through the gates together. She wants their hands to announce to the world what she still hadn't been able to say to him out loud. Even in the quiet hours of their morning together, the words had still eluded her.

That through his love she felt brand new again. That he made her feel seen and understood. That he treated her like she mattered, and that was enough for him. She didn't have to be perfect, she just had to be herself.

And then it all clicks into place. She is the one who has changed, not the world. The thing that was different was her.

She felt empowered, walking beside this boy she knew so well and loved so much. She felt like she had never tasted defeated, that an enemies blade had never so much as nicked her skin. She felt like she could flex her hands and rip Konoha's great gates right out of the ground if she wanted to. She felt like she could storm Orochimaru's stronghold and drag Sasuke back, kicking and screaming.

She felt like if Shikamaru turned to her, she would shatter irreparably at his first hungry look.

But even though she feels brand new, walking like a giant in a tiny world…deep down she still knows the truth. That she's still a collection of old wounds threaded together on a string of nervous anxiety. That she was going to have to deal with her wounds the way Hitoshi unpicked political knots- Thread by thread, one at a time. Maybe Shikamaru knew it too, which was why they were going to take their time.

She peeks at him now through the corner of her eye and catches him covertly doing the same thing. Their eyes dart apart in startled jumps, looking away before blushes can stain their skin. She flexs her hands tightly in her gloves and he shoves his deeper into his pockets.

She doesn't need time to understand how she feels about him. That much at least is plainly evident. It was all the other things she still needed to figure out. Why couldn't she say her feelings out loud yet?

And so, because he'd asked her to take her time, she doesn't reach for him or speak his name. Instead, she's determined to let their new situation settle before they rushed into anything defined. Where her heart violently rebels against the idea, rattling the bars of its ribcage prison, her rational mind takes notable comfort.

'This time of reflection is a gift.' It whispers, trying to calm the beast in her bones.

Because it was. This time was a quiet, lingering moment between the end of an old love and the beginning of a new one. Between the exhaling of one breath and the breathing in of another. She wants to gasp Shikamaru in in deep frantic lung fulls, but she needed to make sure she was truly above water first before taking that next breath.

She knows what she needs to do make this dream a reality. She needs to find Kakashi and find some semblance of closure. She owes Shikamaru that much.

And as for Shikamaru, well…she trusts him. Or she wants to, at least.

Some might think his powers churn in the shadows that lift at his slightest whim, but she knows his true strength lies within his mind. It's what made Shikamaru dangerous, but also made him beautiful. His problem solving brain was like a magic spell that could transform time into opportunity, preparation into advantage.

If he wants them to wait before rushing into anything, she has to trust that it isn't to set them up for failure, but rather for success. He was always three steps ahead of everyone. She's happy to follow in his shadow for once.

- Earlier -

Sakura feels him shift in the bed beside her, but she makes no move to stir.

She's never woken up next to anyone before, at least not like this. Yume-Kakashi might have prepared her for the act of falling asleep next to a lover, but not for waking up next to one. Her genjutsu boyfriend was always gone when she awoke in the mornings. Those times had presented their own set of complicated feelings, but this was different. This was unfamiliar territory, and she was out of her depth.

She had thought she would wake up to the same bliss she had fallen asleep to the night before.

But this morning, feeling Shikamaru quietly stir beside her, the whispers of doubt blow their cold breath across the back of her neck. The tension is already there in her chest when she opens her eyes to find him pulling on his shoes. He's turned away from her, tying back his hair. What if…

What if he regrets what they've done?

What if this is change he will inevitably hate?

What if she doesn't lived up to his expectations of her.

What will he do when he finds out who she really is?

What happens when he inevitably sees her the way she sees herself?

She isn't ready to talk to him yet, to see disappointment in his eyes if it's there. When he turns to look at her through wisps of lose hair, she closes her eyes feigning sleep. She's tempted to open them again when the room remains still, but she keeps her features placid until his weight shifts away.

The thin light coming in through the tiny window of her guest room is just bright enough to guess the hour. Their convoy team would be leaving soon. They would have to step out of this bubble of brand new love and carry it back out into the real world.

Today, they would have to return to Konoha and navigate these changes between them in earnest now.

She doesn't want to leave just yet. In here, the future was still untouched by reality's dirty hands. She wants to stay immersed in this fantasy with him. The one where she hasn't sabotaged their relationship yet with her anxiety and overthinking. She knows what she's doing. She's just trying to stall the inevitable. She can't stop the future by shutting her eyes and pretending to sleep through the awkward bits. Shikamaru had already tried that once during the Chunin exams, and it hadn't gone well for him.

No, they needed to face the future head on. It was time to grapple with it with the same intensity it was coming for her. Because the future was already here. Sounds of the greater world are stirring outside her door now. It didn't matter if she kept is closed, the real world would eventually come to them.

Beside her, Shikamaru stands up and picks his shirt off the floor. They had discarded articles of clothing everywhere in last night's frenzy. He pulls the shirt over his head in a fluid gesture that makes his obliques ripple above his hips. She thinks of another time when she'd seen him shirtless- standing in a Suna hotel suite with water dripping down his skin.

Involuntarily, her throat constricts tight around her breath. The tension in her chest converts at once into heat. She can still hear the echo of her name in his mouth, and she wants to make him moan it again. Her memory lingers on the phantom touch of hungry lips she can still feel on her skin.

Last night, they had given themselves over to the fire, and today he was the after burn. Her body is no longer blood and bones; she is matches and gasoline.

She was going to become an addict at this rate. They would never be cold again.

This time when he glances back at her, she doesn't look away, doesn't pretend to be asleep. He holds her gaze the way his hands held her last night. She almost pulls him back into her bubble, removing all the clothing he has so carefully reapplied. He looks at her like he's trying to memorize them in this moment. No… he's memorizing her.

He walks over to her curled limbs tangles in the bedsheets and sits just beyond her reach. The tension between them doubles, then doubles again. They are two chess players watching the other, waiting to see who will move which piece first.

When he stays silent, she knows she isn't just aching for his touch. She's aching for his smile, for a hint that he is still himself. Last nights bravery was a tiny step in the right direction. This morning, she finds she is able to take yet another. She grabs the collar of his vest and pulls him down to meet her half way. No matter what he says after, she will have this last memory of them.

This kiss isn't tinted by the rose-lit glow of last night's intoxication. It isn't propelled into excellence by the newness of their touches. Their movements are messy and predictably awkward, the angle of her head feels slightly off. They both taste like stale drinks and long night hours in each others arms.

It still sends lightning bolts through her body, because it's raw and it's real and it's him.

He rests his forehead against hers when she breaks their kiss, his breath a ragged pant that makes her not a little proud. She can see the shadows of her room shiver from the corner of her gaze. It's thrilling knowing she has that effect on him. He might be able to make her knees weak, but she is just as quick a study. She can give back just as good as she gets, and she can give a lot.

"Why do I feel like you're going to be trouble?" He pants, doing his visible best to calm his body down. These are his words from Ino's birthday, plucked from another time.

"Probably because trouble is my middle name." She says quietly, looking up through her lashes at him.

On paper, it's as if nothing is different. But there's a shyness to these first words spoken between them that still has her out of sorts. It's like they are meeting each other for the first time again, unsure exactly of how to proceed. With his confession last night, the slate has been cleared. All bets are off, and everything has changed.

She realizes belatedly that she might not be the only nervous one in the room.

"Are you ready to go home?" Shikamaru asks her, moving so she can sit up properly.

"Yes, and no." She says, drawing the bed sheets up to cover her chest. Shikamaru, to his credit, only openly looks at her body once before sheepishly bringing his attention back up to her eyes. He's trying hard to be polite. He suddenly finds the bridge of her nose extra fascinating.

A knot of anxiety unfurls in her chest. Maybe she's getting better at untangling them.

"While I am ready to be home," She says, picking their conversation back up. "I also know I'm going to be insanely busy catching up on missed work. It should only be temporarily stressful, but I'm not looking forward to it. I just wish I had more time off between getting home and being back on shift at the hospital."

He considers her words with his own evident dread. "I know what you mean. I won't just be playing catch up with my own work, I'm sure my boss has neglected plenty of his own. Knowing him, I'll be putting out his fires for the rest of the week. I'm dreading going back."

The unspoken goes unsaid between them- They were both going to be busy for the next little while. But hopefully, their business would be a good thing. It would give her the time she needs to let things settle. To consider her own feelings for a bit before she needs to consider someone else's.

Sakura imagines the stacks of paperwork she would be returning to after nearly 9 days away. "Do you think Tsunade will know I'm lying if I call in sick for the rest of the week? Chakra medicine still can't cure the common cold you know, I'm sure I could fake some believable symptoms."

"Just do what I do and be terrible at your job." Shikamaru deadpans. "If you're lucky, they'll just fire you all together and you won't have to go back to work-"

The end of his sentence is cut off by her snort of laughter, and just like that he's grinning in return. They grin at each other like big dumb kids who just don't know how to pretend like they aren't in love.

"What?" She asks him self consciously when his gaze lingers on her lips too long.

"Nothing." He says with a shake of his head. "I'm just…such an idiot."

When she nags him to elaborate further, he leans in. Her mouth is too preoccupied with kissing him back to pester him about it any further. When he's done kissing her mouth, he kisses her in other places- the side of her nose, the corner of her jaw. He blows a raspberry into her neck, eliciting a peel of laughter.

He shatters her shyness with his familiarity, and she realizes this was the reassurance that she'd needed. That they may have kissed, that things might be different now, but at the end of the day he was still her best friend. They could still joke and laugh and harass each other. Maybe that had been it's own kind of fear, one she hadn't been able to name until now. That in discovering the Shikamaru she loved, she might somehow lose the Shikamaru she liked.

His mouth makes its way back up to hers. He bites her lower lip, payback for their earlier moment where she left him panting and wanting more. Then he's kissing her like he's making her a promise. Hope takes the place of doubt in her mind, filling her thoughts with new What If's.

What if she fully let herself love him back?

What if they built a life together.

What if it was better than she'd ever imagined.

Not everything has to be different. Everything that mattered was still the same. They were the same…just more.

- Mission Souvenir -

When they finally reach the great gates, their convoy comes to a running stop. Sakura's stomach churns with anxious energy, so she takes a few breaths to calm herself down. She feels like once she walks through those gates, the other shoe is going to drop. Something will happen to pop this bubble of happiness when she's only just now found it.

Utsuho gives her an appraising look while Sakura signs the mission receipt. Ruya and Shikamaru shake hands and Kiwa gives Sakura a barreling hug that reminds her nostalgically of Naruto. The sentiment washes over her affectionately, and she finds herself giving the Mud-nin a chakra infused hug back, picking her clear up off the floor like a kid.

"I hope we see you soon." Kiwa says into her ear. "Don't be a stranger if you see me around the village. And as for last night, I'm sorry if I meddled too much. But it looks like everything turned out okay so… Good luck?"

Sakura smiles warmly in return. "Thank you. And I will."

But when they pull apart, Utsuho's voice is a stern reprimand. "Put it back, Kiwa." He says sharply.

Kiwa bristles all over, obviously upset at being caught. Her small laugh is shaky as she passes something to Sakura from behind her back.

Sakura looks down, shocked to see her star tipped Iron kunai in Kiwa's outstretched hand. She had shoved it into the exterior water bottle pocket of her pack in her rush to get ready that morning. Even an amateur pick pocket would have been able to take it from her, and Kiwa was an amateur at nothing.

"I warned you." Ruya says.

"I should have known better." Sakura smiles. "But you know what…why don't you keep it." She curls Kiwa's fingers back over the leather wrapped handle.

"Seriously?" Kiwa asks, incredulous. She looks as if Sakura has just given her a treasure, something worth more than all the stained glass vases in Sunagakure.

"Mission Souvenir." Sakura says.

They all part ways with a wave, and she immediately misses the company of her new friends.

She glances towards Shikamaru's retreating back when they each turn towards their respective homes. She wonders if maybe she's already got a souvenir of her own.

- Authors Note -

Welcome back friends, sorry for the delay in chapters. We've had the Yume-Kakashi arc. We've had our Shikamaru arc. Now it's time to get back to konoha for our Kakshi Arc and all the delicious pain that's about to come with it. It's about to get messy, but it's mess with a purpose. Stick it out, I promise it's worth it. XOXO - VB