My relationship with either Sasuke-kun or Naruto could both be deemed as complicated, but neither was really. My love for Sasuke-kun was pathetic and one sided. My longing for Naruto was only because I was lonely, and his desperation made him easy enough to use. There, explained.
Sasuke-kun's and Naruto's relationship was the real definition of complicated. There was nothing in the world like it, and therefore I couldn't tell you, for the life of me, what the relationship actually was. Calling it 'love' was so infeasible and unthinkable to me. There were too many variables that went against it. Besides, knowing the obvious facts that Naruto was very much attracted to girls and supposedly in love with me, besides the fact that Sasuke-kun didn't allow himself to have emotional attachments to anyone, male or female, it still didn't seem likely that the fiery obsession over the other could be thought of as any sort of attraction, because they hated each other so much.
I know hate is not the opposite of love. Hatred and love have only a very thin line drawn in between them. All couples fight. My parents fought all the time, though it was just the quiet bickering that older husbands and wives do. Young people had more dramatic fights. There were couples I knew that would break up, make up, then break up constantly. Maybe, for some hot-tempered people, even physical fighting could happen. I had to admit that I was one of those people that resorted to smacking and hitting when I was angry. A terrible habit.
Nevertheless Sasuke-kun's and Naruto's fights weren't just bickering, and a few frustrated punches. Their arguments were life threatening. They were attempting to actually kill the other. And for some strange unknown reason, the both of them didn't seem to think how unhealthy that was, let alone if they were in a relationship or not.
Of course, having enemies at all wasn't supposed to be healthy. But this was even more dangerous, because Sasuke-kun and Naruto weren't just simply enemies. They weren't only on the other side of the war because they disagreed on how the world should be run. They had been on the same side at one point, so there was a mix of betrayal in that fury. They had both been young when they met each other and shared a loneliness that they used to cling to the other, while yet developing a jealousy unrivaled to any I had ever seen. They knew themselves extremely well, which meant they knew the other's weaknesses and used that against one another. They were archrivals, like the ones you hear in the stories that spend their entire lives fighting until they were both dead.
That should never be thought of as love. Passion, perhaps yes. But not love. That's why I never thought to consider the two romantically with each other.
But maybe I didn't understand people as well as I thought I did, especially with the people I apparently were so close to. Now I could see the obvious signs of what could be labeled as love. Naruto's overwhelming determination to 'save' Sasuke-kun was one, and Sasuke-kun's more, subtle respect for Naruto, mixed with even a somewhat possessive nature when it came to who was allowed to kill him, was in a bizarre sick way, another.
I always grew up with the idea that every person had a true soulmate waiting for them somewhere in the world. You didn't pick them. Destiny did, and when a relationship didn't work out, it was only because it was with the wrong person. It was a hopeful thought. You may have many relationships in your lifetime, but only one of them was the true one. The true one was the person that you loved more than anyone else. You could like other people. You could find others attractive. But it wasn't 'soul burning' as Naruto had called it.
A big part of understanding Sasuke-kun's and Naruto's relationship was knowing Naruto and how unique he was. The thing with Naruto, though he was the one that told me that such a soul burning person was hard to find, I came to realize that Naruto didn't believe in a one soulmate, because Naruto seemed to act like that with everyone! He didn't think there was only one person for him to love. He could equally love anyone at one time, truly too.
It was easy to assume that Naruto was simply just overly emotional and undisciplined with keeping the Ninja attitude. Naruto crying over other people's problems, and some of these people he had only just met, did sort of put a question mark on his manly reputation. No one ever out right called the poor boy gay. Not even when we were really little, and Naruto was labeled as a 'loser' and a 'crybaby'. It was tiring as it was heartbreaking. Especially during the mission when the Kazekage had died. Naruto bursting into anguish sent me crying as well. You would think Naruto had been in love with the other Jinchūriki, and honestly, I don't have a definite answer to that relationship either. It could be easily dismissed like all of Naruto's other reactions to anyone else. Or maybe Naruto just was desperately searching for anyone to set his soul on fire for. He always had no one. He was the defender of the underdog because he knew what that was like. Maybe he was hoping that someone would give it to him back, but in the end, it didn't really matter to Naruto. They didn't have to love him back. He wanted to love rather than be loved, so he was the way he was. Perhaps it was because he never really belonged to anyone. He had that sort of freedom, and without expecting anything in return, he could continue unfazed.
I couldn't. Still if I was given a choice on who I said I was in love with, I would always say Sasuke-kun. I knew Naruto was only a substitute. I loved Sasuke-kun more than Naruto. Since I thought this way, I had been constantly trying to figure out who was Naruto's substitute and who was his true love. Was I the substitute, and Sasuke-kun the true? Or was it the other way around? Was chasing after Sasuke-kun a distraction to my rejection?
It was neither. Naruto actually loved both of us completely equally. How, I could not really fathom. Maybe it had something to do with Naruto growing up alone without a family. Maybe he couldn't tell the difference between being in love, and the love you shared with a platonic friend that happened to be attractive. I cared for Naruto as my best friend and happened to also find him sexually appealing. But that didn't necessarily mean I was in love with him. Honestly, most of my feelings toward him were out of guilt and desperation from my own loneliness. I could recognize this, but not seem to be able to control myself. Maybe Naruto wasn't in love with anyone. Maybe he was only infatuated with the idea of being in love. He was most likely confused, which had started this whole Sasuke-kun obsession for him.
Naruto being confused meant he thought he loved both Sasuke-kun and me equally, and when Naruto loved, he loved hard, so his passion in fighting with Sasuke-kun was mixed with despair, frustration and not at all of hate, which was the first impression that I had had when I saw Naruto constantly trying to beat up Sasuke-kun as children. Now, I realized that that might have been called love. Or a form of it. At least according to Naruto.
As for Sasuke-kun, he was much, much harder to understand than Naruto. In order to understand either set of boys you needed to know the rules that they themselves made up in their heads and followed religiously. Naruto read the rules of his feelings, and never went back on his word. He was all love, honor, respect and forgiveness.
Sasuke-kun was different. Emotions had nothing to do with the set of rules he followed, which meant that he hid them, true to Ninja Code. It took much longer for me to realize that he used only one emotion to express all of his feelings: anger. Anger didn't always mean he was angry. It could mean he was frustrated. It meant he was hurt. It could mean that he was lonely, or sad or cared about someone, but he wouldn't let that show. Anger was the only emotion that was acceptable to him. He got so angry around Naruto because he cared about him.
In a way, that showed that Sasuke-kun must have cared somewhat about me, as in he had tried to kill me several times along with Naruto. Maybe Sasuke-kun didn't have romantic love for me. Maybe he wasn't romantically in love with Naruto either. But he did love us in an unwanted way, and when you love someone in an unwanted way, and they are as persistent as Naruto, you get tired of running from it and saying no all the time. Sasuke-kun falling for Naruto might have only been because he was tired of pushing him away. That was also why I had fallen for the idiot that stole hearts.
But regardless of what Sasuke-kun felt in his heart, his marred brain outputted a set of instructions to get rid of what was in his way of making the world right. Selfishly he was selfless. That was probably the biggest misunderstanding about Sasuke-kun. It was easy for Konoha and the rest of the Ninja Nations to see Sasuke-kun as the 'bad guy.' Every sinful act he did was done with his intention. He wasn't fighting against his will. He was not sorry for it, and he would not stop. He wanted to kill and to destroy, like a mad man.
But he wasn't 'bad.' He didn't do it because he enjoyed it. He didn't even do it for him. Somewhere, in all the cruelty and suffering Sasuke-kun had experienced in his lifetime, his mind became mixed up. Perhaps for his own survival, he had numbed himself to certain aspects of morality. You didn't have to sacrifice everything for the greater good. There might be another way, but he wasn't thinking of such little trivial things. He was always looking at the big picture. He was thinking of the entire world, because the entire world was fucked up, as Tsunade-sama had said. The whole world was the cause of murder and death, sadness and hate. No one could be trusted. Anyone could fail in doing the right thing, so Sasuke-kun took it on himself to fix it. Maybe it was his proud Uchiha bloodline that thought he was obligated to, but Sasuke-kun was actually trying to save the world in his own way.
Sasuke-kun didn't know how to make the world right. No one really knew, but he didn't like to admit when he didn't know something. After the death of his brother, he was anchor-less, floating around and going from one goal to the other. First, he thought Konoha was what was wrong with the world. Then he thought it was the Kage, then the Ninja Creed, the human heart. Sasuke-kun only wanted to stop pain. He understandably didn't trust humans to stop hurting each other. He believed that only a strict power ruling and controlling them would stop them from fighting. They would only come together if they had a common enemy they hated. He was willing to be that common hatred that people could share in order to bond. He would be their terrible god that was ruler and despised, forever hidden in the shadows, just to keep people from killing each other.
His heart being in the right place didn't excuse all the crimes he committed. His horrible past didn't explain his terrible life choices, but to me it compensated. I didn't know what it was like. I had never known anyone close to me die. I had no emotional pain like that, so I could only imagine, and that not fully understanding made it easy to forgive him, because what did I know? Naruto understood better. If Sasuke-kun deserved any punishment, Naruto was much better at gauging how much should be forgiven, and how much should be demanded back in atonement.
When Sasuke-kun came back to us to help stop the Fourth Shinobi war, he was strangely vague about his plans afterwards. We did not press him too much, because Naruto, Kakashi-sensei and I were all just so happy that he was with us again. Even Sasuke-kun agreed that everyone living their life in a dream attached to a tree and eventually turning into White Zetsu was wrong. But sometimes I wondered if Sasuke-kun only felt that way because he wasn't the one in control. Sasuke-kun helped us put a stop to Kaguya, effectively ending the war, and what I supposed he thought also effectively ended our friendship.
Sasuke-kun wasn't stupid. His mistakes were from laziness alone, and not wanting to deal with the emotions he couldn't cover up with anger. There were many flaws in Sasuke-kun's plan. I'm not sure how he thought he could keep rule if he was despised by everyone. He seemed to think he could, if Itachi had done something similar, like he could get powerful enough that he simply could not be touched. And if he got rid of all his bonds, he didn't have to worry about being hurt through other people either.
That meant getting rid of Naruto.
He cared enough about him that he thought he had to kill him, because he didn't think he was supposed to care. Killing Naruto would be the only way to stop caring about him, in Sasuke-kun's mind anyway. Caring about someone made them dangerous, and Sasuke-kun always got rid of what he thought was dangerous.
Naruto was in his way of becoming ruler, so Naruto was to be eliminated. Naruto was his weakness, so he had to be erased. He was going to be the last person Sasuke-kun would ever kill, because he thought he could somehow control the rest of the world. He would destroy the tailed beasts, but they weren't really people to Sasuke-kun but tools. He may have to kill the Kage as well, but perhaps they could be controlled with genjutsu. Yet even he came to understand that no one could control Naruto.
If Sasuke-kun succeeded, he knew, in the back of his mind, that he would most likely have to kill a great number of people before he could fully realize this recent dream. He would most likely have to kill me. Sasuke-kun wasn't that stupid to not have these thoughts. He just chose to have to deal with them at a different time. So instead of killing me first, he put me under a genjutsu.
I had to be the first person to be dealt with. Kakashi-sensei was no longer a threat. He was older and didn't have the stamina that Naruto and I had. The advantage of his given Sharingan was no more. Sasuke-kun didn't have to worry about our old sensei.
But I, I was not about to let Sasuke-kun and Naruto destroy each other. I wasn't like them. I didn't have the power of all the tailed beasts. I didn't have a Kekkei Genkai. I wasn't the reincarnation of a son from the Sage of Six Paths.
What I could do was certainly get in the way. All I had to do was run in between them. It would kill me. I would die instantly. I was willing. I had been willing to four years ago when Sasuke-kun and Naruto had been fighting on the roof of the hospital, but this time Kakashi-sensei didn't have the strength to stop the calamity from happening.
My intervening probably would do nothing. It wouldn't stop the two men from fighting. It wouldn't set their minds straight. Naruto would most likely try to avenge me. He'd most likely want to fight even more. And Sasuke-kun? What would he care? He'd probably appreciate Naruto giving him his all.
But if that was the case, then Sasuke-kun should have just let me throw myself in the way. Or even just killed me. Heavens knew it would have been easy for him to do, since I couldn't lay a single finger on him. He had plenty of opportunities. He shouldn't be reframing simply because he thought Naruto would stop him. Naruto hadn't been able to stop the genjutsu that hit me.
I was honestly wondering why Sasuke-kun couldn't seem to bring himself to finish the job. Why wasn't he simply getting me out of the way permanently? Why did he keep me alive?
Sasuke-kun never cared for me, but he knew me quite well when we were children. He had to. The three of us spent every day together. It was impossible to not know our strengths and weaknesses. I had many weaknesses that Sasuke-kun knew of, but my strengths were especially noted by him because I had so few of them. One of them was seeing through genjutsu.
His genjutsu was a messy, unskillful one at that. Sasuke-kun stabbed me through the heart with his Chidori, fist going through my flesh, but he hadn't added pain to the illusion. He most likely thought the shock of my love dealing me a death blow would be too much for me to notice. I had already experienced him trying to kill me twice. It wasn't shocking or even that upsetting to me anymore. He had greatly underestimated me. And even if he added pain to the experience, I wasn't panicking. My body could withstand a stabbing. I could fix my own internal organs if they were damaged, and I could certainly tell if I was dying or not. I was a god damn medic.
The genjutsu did put me out for about fifteen minutes. I couldn't deny that. Even if Sasuke-kun had been hasty about his performance, he was still an Uchiha prodigy. He was able to scramble my brain cells just enough to put me to sleep. It was long enough for me to even dream. I dreamt of a young Sasuke-kun and Naruto fighting again, squabbling, like always. The dream reminded me that I had to wake up, that I had to stop the real Sasuke-kun and Naruto from fighting.
I suppose I woke up too late. Sasuke-kun and Naruto were long gone when I came to. Both Kakashi-sensei and I were weak, and we couldn't follow after them as fast as they had left. I might have moved faster without carrying my sensei. He even told me to leave him. The man that had taught us to never leave your comrades behind, was begging me to leave him alone, probably dying from chakra depletion, in an unknown country. Fuck that. I had enough stamina to carry him back to the borders of Fire Country, because that's where Sasuke-kun and Naruto ran off to. I could tell from the natural disasters, small earthquakes, tornadoes and thunderstorms. It took a whole day to get there, and I was traveling at an unforgiving pace.
It made me marvel how fast Sasuke-kun and Naruto must have run, and how much chakra the both of them had. Naruto was understandable. He had immense chakra. All this time he had been able to do impossible things with just half the Nine-Tails. Plus, he had remnants of the other tailed beasts in him. Sasuke... Sasuke-kun was more surprising and more alarming to think about.
I hadn't been with Sasuke-kun the last four years like I had with Naruto. Naruto trained relentlessly, but he still had time to go on missions and there was the even off chance when Naruto relaxed and socialized. Sasuke-kun had made Naruto's obsession with training look like child's play. He had to most likely train ten times harder than Naruto in order to reach the level he was currently at. I didn't even know exactly what this level could be. I had seen some of his power fighting in the war, but I didn't know where his limit was. The Sharingan was an extremely exhausting weapon to use, as I could see from Kakashi-sensei, who barely survived using just a little bit of its power. Sasuke-kun had some advantage from his bloodline, but I knew anything he did was not effortless for him like he tried to make it appear.
Sasuke-kun had better chakra control than Naruto, but he wasn't nearly proficient at it as he should be. It was also very like him to go too far, to push himself farther than his limit. Even after fighting in the war, battling Kaguya and sealing her, running at light speed far away from me and Kakashi-sensei, he was still fighting a battle that was awesome enough to see from countries away.
Sasuke-kun would surely kill himself. And Naruto, Naruto trying to go easy on him as I knew he would, would also die.
I thought for sure I would be too late.
Even as we arrived at the battle scene, it took several hours for me to find them. After the fighting had ceased, I had nothing to help me locate the two young men. Another indication that the both of them must be dead, because why would they stop fighting if otherwise?
There had used to be a river here, a waterfall even. The waterfall had been massive, around twenty stories I imagine. Carved on either side were two statues of Hashirama and Madara which was more impressive than the carving of the Hokage in Konoha. They were even taller than the waterfall had been. All of this was gone when I arrived, nothing but a giant pile of rubble and wet rock.
The act of searching for something so desperately, that when you find it only to experience even more horror, is probably one of the worst feelings in the whole world. It doesn't last long. It's only an instant reaction before your brain kicks in and tries to either cover up the pain with denial or with a resolution, but that one second of terror is horrible enough to outweigh how fleeting it is.
I had found them dead.
Their forms were covered in blood and mud, splayed out next to the other on a pile of broken stone hands that had once been of the statues'. What looked like muddy water still trying to ooze through the rock was but blood, because both of them were completely missing an arm. I was staring at the stumps so intently, that I didn't notice that both sets of wide eyes staring at me were conscious, let alone alive. Because blood flowing meant that hearts were beating, and I had to let it sink in that both were bleeding, that both were living, before I could look at their faces.
Honestly, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to look at either of their faces ever again. I raised my hands, green chakra at the ready, automatically, without a word.
How hadn't they bled out yet? I gave a quick check of their vitals which were all suffering from other damage and lack of blood. Their body temperatures had dropped to critical levels. Kidneys, and livers were on the verge of shutting down. The chakra system, which was something that could help a shinobi withstand more damage than an average person, was almost completely drained. They were dying. They had probably only a matter of minutes, if that long.
The chakra I poured out of my fingers immediately started closing up the severed arteries that were still seeping blood, though even if I stopped the bleeding at this point, without a blood transfusion it would matter little. Some of the veins had already closed up on their own from blood clotting but that was riddled with infection from them laying hours in damp rock and mud.
I was going to have to do some multitasking here. I tried to coax the bone marrow to make more blood cells. When it wasn't doing it fast enough, I used my chakra to act as blood cells instead, willing it to spread throughout the bodies to help bring them back to life. I did the same with the chakra system because even that seemed to be diminishing with each breath, heartbeat and second the two used to continue to gape at me. I was getting a little annoyed, especially with Naruto's Nine-Tails since I could hardly feel him. He should be helping me out with Naruto at least.
"Thank you, Sakura-chan," Naruto breathed, instantly using the chakra that I had given him for the energy to speak. Moron.
"Sakura..." Now Sasuke-kun was wasting my chakra too? His voice was much wearier and more filled with pain than Naruto's, but perhaps it always had been. Sasuke-kun was in greater danger of dying. Once I kicked up Naruto's Nine-Tails, he would be restoring his own body soon. Sasuke-kun had nothing. "Never mind me," he said, like he was done for, like there was no hope for him and never had been, like Naruto was more important. So stupidly like him.
I would have cursed at him if I had the courage to. Instead, I politely and calmly said, "Stay quiet now," like a mother talking to a nervous child, trying to stay patient and in check with my own emotions. "I need to concentrate."
Then I noticed Sasuke-kun's body do something that I hadn't noticed in years.
He relaxed.
I felt his shallow lungs take a slow, and long breath, his heart calming. It helped. Normally when dealing with dying patients they go into shock, vital signs firing up so that it's very difficult to control the healing process, but with Sasuke-kun's sudden submission, it eased my procedure. I had experienced Sasuke-kun relaxing only a handfull of times, each instance after one of his curse mark episodes. I had helped his weakened state with some walking, and his body compliantly leaned into me, completely trusting me as his friend and comrade. Maybe even more, like a part of his family, or a dear loved one. I was flattered that Sasuke-kun had felt so safe around me when he was not at his full strength. And here he was, doing it again.
After a few heartbeats of Sasuke-kun relaxing, I felt something else shift in his body. There was a sudden tightness in his jaw, his neck and chest. His slow heart started to pound just a little harder. I didn't realize what it was before he spoke, but then I knew. It was guilt. It was shame.
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry? For what?" I asked innocently. I didn't have time to get emotional right now. There were a lot of red blood cells I needed to recreate from practically nothing, and both boys were sucking up my chakra like sandstone does to water.
It took effort for Sasuke-kun to speak, but he continued to do so. I really should be telling him to shut up so that I could heal the both of them better, but I wanted to know. I wanted to know exactly what he was apologizing for, because I needed at least one thing from him, after always receiving nothing. "For everything."
I started shaking, and I didn't will myself to stop, because I needed the energy for healing. "You should be," I answered. "Really... you..." I didn't really know what to say. It was all too much to put into words. The both of them. I hated the both of them. I knew they were both still staring at me, but I wouldn't look back at their bruised and bloodied faces. I didn't want to see the damage that they gave to one another, like precious gifts of love. Those damn freaks. What was wrong with them?
"... damn... idiot!" I addressed to Sasuke-kun, because in reality he was the idiot. Not Naruto. It had been Sasuke-kun. My love for him wouldn't hide the fact any longer. I had always been in love with an idiot.
"Oh man, Sakura-chan! You should have seen how much of an idiot he just was! He supposedly has this all powerful Sharingan, but he missed me a fuckload of times, and totally didn't even see a bunch of my clones that were right in front of him! How stupid is that?" There it was. The Nine-Tail's chakra had finally woken up and a swarm of life was now flowing through Naruto's veins again. He sat up without a thought. "I totally flung the fucker into the face of a cliff too. Like grabbed him right out of the air and threw him around like a rag doll. Like dude, defend yourself much? So uncool."
Sasuke-kun sat up too, even though he wasn't nearly ready to. I had to use a surge of extra power just to keep another organ from failing in his effort. For an alarming second, I thought he was going to punch Naruto. But he didn't. Maybe he was just too tired, but he was looking at Naruto in amazement. Almost, adoration and I was suddenly flabbergasted. Naruto had somehow won. He had somehow tamed the anger in Sasuke-kun. And all Sasuke-kun did was twitch his lips in an almost smirk and sigh.
"I mean, I did some maybe not too cool things too," Naruto laughed. "Remember Sasuke? When I tripped? And the Rasengan went out into the ground, and you kicked me in the face? That was pretty funny."
I cried.
Sasuke-kun also looked like he might cry, an expression I had never seen before, and that made me cry harder.
"Anyway, Sasuke, just because you've done this to me-" Naruto raised his severed arm and a heavy glob of blood hit the ground.
"Naruto!" I shouted. "Don't move it around like that! I'm trying to heal it!"
"Oh, I thought you had stopped the bleeding."
"You just reopened it by moving it so carelessly!"
"Why is the blood so thick?"
"It's congealing because it's infected and failing to clot properly!"
"Oh..." I was still crying, and it was affecting my efforts to be stern with him. Sasuke-kun had said nothing, but Naruto turned to look at him anyway. "I know what you want to say Sasuke. We still have some world saving to do. How 'bout it? Still want to release the Infinite Tsukuyomi?"
Sasuke-kun tore his gaze away from Naruto, staring at nothing. He grunted with a wince. I realized that the sound was his agreement too late as he was already trying to climb to his feet.
"W-w-wait!" I cried out feebly knowing Sasuke-kun wasn't going to listen to me anyway. "H-how can you guys? Do you even have enough chakra to complete the jutsu?"
"I guess we'll find out!" Naruto said happily, also pushing himself to his feet. Sasuke-kun was stumbling a few steps away, swaying and not able to stand at his full height.
"Seriously guys, at your condition, if you do one more thing to push yourselves, you'll die from chakra depletion." I was again ignored.
Kakashi-sensei had now made his way down the ravine. I wasn't sure if his lateness was because he hadn't had the energy until now, or that he thought the three of us needed our space. Who really knew though? Kakashi-sensei was always late.
Sasuke-kun paused for a moment once noticing Kakashi-sensei but soon started up his crawl. "It doesn't matter," he rasped. I saw fresh blood spray from his mouth as he talked. "Releasing the Infinite Tsukuyomi is more important."
"Kakashi-sensei!" I don't know why I was whining to him. Like Sasuke-kun was going to listen to him at all either. Sasuke-kun tried to ignore Kakashi-sensei as he walked past, but the Uchiha's knees buckled, and the older man caught him easily before he hit the ground.
Both Naruto and I held our breath as Kakashi-sensei held Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun didn't move. His expression didn't even change from the blank surprise it went into when he had realized he had been falling.
"Releasing the Infinite Tsukuyomi is important," Kakashi-sensei agreed. "But the tree is all the way back in Lightning Country. We're not going to get back there in a blink of an eye so let's take our time with traveling to recuperate." Kakashi-sensei's voice was so steady that I almost didn't catch the waiver in his stance in time.
"Kakashi-sensei!" I gasped, reaching over to catch Sasuke-kun with one arm and to steady my teacher with the other. "Please, let me hold him. I still have some chakra left. I'll be okay."
Kakashi-sensei smiled appreciatively at me. "Thank you, Sakura. I guess I'm getting old because it's taking me a lot longer to recover than I thought."
Sasuke-kun wasn't holding himself up at all, but I held him up as best I could, trying not to show that his lack of helping was affecting me. I didn't want my team to know that I couldn't use my super strength as well as normal.
And I really wanted to be the one to hold Sasuke-kun.
Sasuke-kun got one leg to support his weight, twisting in a way that I thought he had slipped and was falling again. My arms encircled him hastily around his torso, locking under his armpits. I was grateful I was able to hold him without falling, but more surprised to feel Sasuke-kun's hand clamp down on my shoulder to help him up. Of course, he was just using me to keep standing, but our bodies rubbing together made my skin flush. He was dirty, bloody and hurt but I couldn't help it.
His legs steadied him, and his head fell on my other shoulder. I waited for him to adjust himself again, but he didn't. He just stood there, leaning his weight heavy against me, one hand clutching my shoulder tightly, face pressed into my neck. His breath was hot on my skin. I could feel his eyelashes.
I stared at Kakashi-sensei and Naruto in shock. What was going on? What was Sasuke-kun doing?! The both of them were staring at us just as much confused as I was. After several moments, Naruto spoke up.
"Yo, Sasuke! You alright? What are you doing?"
Sasuke-kun slowly pushed himself off of me. "I'm fine," he stated, his hair brushing the skin of my neck as he left me, causing goosebumps. He walked away, leaving me cold. "Let's go."
"Hey, you!" Naruto stumbled after him, moving too fast and I saw his form threaten to fall as well. When he reached Sasuke-kun, he grabbed him roughly with his one arm. I watched nervously, afraid that they'd drag each other down, but they somehow worked out a system that kept the both of them standing. "How are we going to make the Rat Seal if we're both missing a hand?!"
"We'll just use each other's, dumbass."
"Oh. Oh right."
I saw Kakashi-sensei wince and I offered him my arm instead, though I much had rather been in Naruto's position. I had a hard time peeling my eyes off the way Sasuke-kun was fisting the back of Naruto's tattered shirt. "Here, Kakashi-sensei," I said, dragging my attention away from the boys.
"I feel guilty using you so much, Sakura," Kakashi-sensei sighed.
"Nonsense! I'm the medic! This is what I'm for."
I insisted on stopping multiple times to rest, much to Naruto's annoyance. Kakashi-sensei was all too happy to take a nap, and with him fast asleep, Naruto had no one to argue with. Before dozing off, Kakashi-sensei told me to get some rest as well, as there were sure to be injured shinobi trapped in the tree, and once the jutsu was released my skills would be required.
I couldn't help noticing that Sasuke-kun hadn't stopped clinging to Naruto since we had started our trek. They were both on the ground now, sitting against a tree, their one arms around the other. Maybe they were just too exhausted to change what looked like an uncomfortable position, but I had my doubts. I went over to them to tend to their injuries. It was going to take a lot of chakra to completely close the stumps.
"I'm not even that tired," Naruto mumbled, but in a few seconds his head slumped against Sasuke-kun's and his mouth fell open in a loud snore. Sasuke-kun only looked mildly annoyed, and he didn't even have anything to say when a drop of drool left Naruto's mouth and landed on his chest. He only stared at it, as he could do nothing to brush it off, his arm wedged in between Naruto and the tree. I thought about offering to get it for him, but I felt like it wasn't my place to touch Sasuke-kun when Naruto had his damn arm wrapped so possessively around him.
I averted my gaze from Sasuke-kun's as I concentrated my green glow on each of their stumps. "You should sleep too, Sasuke-kun."
"Hn," was my answer.
I felt weariness pull on my own eyes and I briefly thought about just crawling up in between both Sasuke-kun and Naruto. With a wave of dizziness that I wasn't sure was from fatigue or the shiver I had at the thought of being between both bodies, I pushed myself up to go settle somewhere beside Kakashi-sensei instead.
I woke up with a start and felt a sudden panic when neither boy was at the base of the tree where I had left them. I suspected that this would happen! As soon as I closed my eyes Sasuke-kun would take his chance to escape! I didn't know why Naruto was gone as well. Perhaps he had gone to chase after him, or maybe Sasuke-kun had succeeded in killing him.
I hadn't even fully pushed myself up when I spotted them just a few yards off, both sitting on a log and facing away from me. Feeling stupid, I took in a deep breath and slowly lifted myself to my feet.
The two were talking to each other, but they were speaking too quietly and too far for me to hear what they were saying. They seemed to be sitting impossibly close to each other. I realized Naruto was the one talking, not Sasuke-kun. Of course. Why would I think otherwise? But his voice must have been so low, that they needed to touch heads in order for Sasuke-kun to hear it.
I watched Sasuke-kun's profile tighten as he bent his neck to rest his forehead on Naruto's shoulder. Naruto lifted his hand to touch Sasuke-kun's cheek but Sasuke-kun shied away from the contact, trying to hide his face deeper into Naruto.
I held my breath as I saw the scene before me, not wanting to be noticed. All my thoughts of wonder, trying to figure out what their relationship actually was, returned to me. I was still trying to reason things out, why the each of them acted the way they did. Naruto had no one. Sasuke-kun had lost his family and his dear brother. Naruto had said he imagined that Sasuke-kun was like a brother to him. Maybe that's what I was seeing, brotherly love. I didn't know what happened between them at the waterfall. I didn't know what happened that time Naruto had come to my window. I never knew what was going on between them as they talked in that silent language of theirs.
I didn't have siblings myself, but I was coming to realize that was not what I was witnessing.
Naruto forced Sasuke-kun's chin up to meet his gaze. Sasuke-kun bit his own lip before I watched a tear roll down his cheek. I saw Naruto move his thumb as if to catch it, but Sasuke-kun moved his face away. He couldn't move it too much with it still in Naruto's grasp and Naruto pressed his lips in between Sasuke-kun's eyes, on the bridge of his nose.
It was no kiss on the lips. It could still maybe pass as a kiss between family members, maybe. But something about it wasn't that innocent. And besides, Sasuke-kun and Naruto weren't actually brothers.
Sasuke-kun pushed Naruto's face away from his and instead buried it into the crook of his neck, his one arm tightly wrapped around Naruto's frame as what looked like sobs wracked his body. Naruto moved his hand to rub slow comforting circles over Sasuke-kun's back, head lolling backward with a smile, and I realized that he was crying too, though they were tears of joy.
That was when I knew for sure. Regardless of whatever reasons they had for this happening, Sasuke-kun and Naruto were in love with each other. They were each other's most precious persons, and I would never be a part of it.
Something I did, either a quick movement or perhaps a sound I made, alerted Sasuke-kun to my presence. His head shot up from Naruto's shoulder to stare at me. Sasuke-kun's expressions were often hard to read, but I was beginning to understand some of them, and this one was of embarrassment. Embarrassment that I had seen something that he had wanted to solely give to Naruto. I was stealing something that didn't belong to me.
At Sasuke-kun's movement, Naruto made to move his head as well, but I was gone before he could see me.