Kakashi, you idiot-
- Debrief -
Kakashi can feel Tsunade's gaze on him heavy like a weight. She sits behind her desk, occasionally looking up from her paperwork to the corner where he's skulking about- Her words, not his. If being annoying was a kekkei genkai, she says, it would be his specialty. Kakashi decides to take it as a compliment. He's totally not suppressing the urge to knock over a stack of documents with his foot.
Despite his externally carefree attitude, he's getting restless. He's never been early to anything in his life, (okay, at least in his adult life) but he was early today.
After the discussion with his Hokage last night, getting out of this village and back to his mission had become his top priority. Nothing was going to stand in his way, not even the threat of an invasive medical exam. Today, freedom meant getting poked and stabbed by the girl who grew up to be a little too enthusiastic about bloodwork. It's only because of Sakura that he's prepared to endure the special hell that is Konoha's observation wing.
But first, he has to wait for his student to actually show up.
Not that he's necessarily in a rush to get started. Through out Kakashi's career as a ninja, he's been stabbed, impaled, pierced, cut, and on one particular occasion swallowed whole by oversized marine life. He would retake all those wounds in a heartbeat if it meant never having to give blood ever again.
That being said… there was another reason he was early. He'd missed Sakura while she'd been gone. Their last exchange before she'd left had sat uneasy in his stomach. If anything had happened to her on her trip, he would never forgive himself for upsetting her.
He hopes she won't still be mad that he'd accidentally laughed when she'd mentioned her new Jutsu. His plan was to make it up to her today by submitting himself to every possible test she might want to run on him. Even the ones with needles. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for them to catch up while securing himself a fresh active-duty status.
He looks back to his Hokage, feigning disinterest in her attention. Tsunade is still watching him carefully, looking for the trap. This detour from his normal behavior had her suspicious of his intentions. She only take her eyes off him when the assistant from the other night rushes into her office. This time, her arms are unburdened by the stacks of paperwork he's use to seeing her carry. Instead, her hands hold out a single scroll for Tsunade's inspection.
"This just came in." The assistant says. It looks like she's run all the way here from the messenger hawk aviary on the roof.
The exterior paper binding the scroll is an unmistakeable Fire Daimyo red.
Tsunade hurries to undo the scrolls, gold chording getting tangled. She spreads the message out across her table and makes an unhappy face. From across the room, Kakashi can't make out any of the calligraphy. Instead, he focused on Tsunade's body language, on the small movements of her lips as she read the message to herself. Her mouth formed the words Summit and Funding. Then her body goes tense with apprehension.
"Bad news?" He asks. After their conversation last night about his mystery attacker, his nerves are admittedly on high alert. He's not one to simmer in worry, but if Tsunade is tense then it's worth paying attention.
"No…good news." Tsunade says, but her body language contradicts her words.
"I thought I was suppose to be the liar here." He says, trying to milk more information from her. He watches her read and reread the scroll. The message might not be emergency news, but he's still curious to know more.
Tsunade looks up, examining him carefully. "Someday, when you become Hokage, you'll understand that there's no such thing. There's no good news or bad news, there's just news and consequences."
He tilts his head, taken aback. "Why…would I ever become Hokage?" He asks. There is an ominous ringing to her words. It speaks to a future that has not happened yet, but she believes someday it will.
Before he can press the issue, there's a new knock at her office door. It's light and lazy, like the person outside has no real desire to enter. It breaks the tension hanging between them.
Kakashi watches Tsunade roll up the ruby red scroll in a hurry. She tucks it into the lower drawer of her desk, locking it out of sight. She's giving him a look that says 'Not a word of this.' Before telling the caller to enter.
Shikamaru Nara pushes his way in, one hand in his pocket. There's an air about him like he would rather be anywhere else. He spots Kakashi lurking in the corner like a shadow shying from the light.
"Hokage. Kakashi Sensei." Shikamaru greets. He looks like he's just gotten out of bed, and he plans on heading back to bed the second he leaves here. He scans the office like he's looking for something, then checks the wall clock behind Tsunade's desk.
"Has Sakura already completed her debrief?" He asks. There's an eager note in his voice when he says Sakura's name that sticks out from his carefree demeanor. It makes something inside Kakashi sit up and pay attention. It makes him feel not very nice.
Tsunade doesn't look over her shoulder to check the time. She looks up to Kakashi instead. "No, she's unusually late. I don't like that your bad habits are rubbing off on my pupil, Hatake."
Kakashi offers no comment. Tsunade and Shikamaru get started with their debrief.
He listens intently to the way Shikamaru speaks, how he answers Tsunade's questions or speaks around them. The thing that has sat up to pay attention sits up a little more. It catches when the Nara boy cuts himself off when his praise of Sakura runs on a little too long. Shikamaru tries to stick to the facts detailed in his mission report. But every now and then, he talks about something Sakura did that was particularly impressive.
Kakashi thinks he knows what he's seeing. He just doesn't know if he likes it.
There is a commotion outside the office, and Sakura rushes in without knocking. She's over 20 minutes late for her appointment. On top of that, she's an absolute mess. Her training clothes are covered in dirt from what ever she was doing before. Her hair sticks out at odd angles where she's pulled it back into a low bun. He notes absently that it's grown rather long again. Even red faced and disheveled, his student cuts a pretty picture. The evidence of her hard training makes his chest swell.
Late and disheveled is practically his tagline. He's never been so proud.
It's evident that she'd burst in in such a rush that she hasn't noticed his presence yet. He decides to stay quiet in the corner, happy to observe her like this. He watches as Sakura makes her excuses to Tsunade, handing over her mission report. Her file is a sizable stack of papers compared to Shikamaru's two page document. He smiles at her under his mask. Such a teachers pet.
That is, until her starts noticing more small details that tug at his heart. Details he didn't know he was unprepared to see.
It's such a small things at first, the way Shikamaru has canted his body towards hers. He is fully awake now that Sakura is in the room. There's a glint in his eyes as the boy watches her, delight mixed with a gentle relief. Their glances dance around each other, and he can see Shikamaru's nose go red. He sees how the boys eyes follow his student as she talks Tsunade through her summit report.
But then he sees signs of something in her too. In the way she's playing with the fingers of her gloves. It's how she's constantly looking back to Shikamaru for confirmation of certain details. She practically sings Shikamaru's name as she describes their long night working with the Fire Daimyo. She praises his quick thinking and analytical mind. It's in the way that they so clearly only have eyes for each other, and yet refuse to hold the other's gaze for more than a seconds span.
Oh.
Oh.
"None of this would have been possible without him." Sakura says, gesturing to the boy at her side. Shikamaru looks away, uncomfortable with the praise. He mutters back a reciprocated compliment, and the butterflies in Kakashi's chest become anchors that weigh his gut.
This is why he doesn't show up early for things. Nothing good has ever come from being early.
He wishes he could slip out and wait in the hall, but there's no graceful way to do it at this point. He's trapped here in this office now. He wishes he could be swallowed up by oversized marine life again. Anything to get out of this situation.
Because it's not the words they are saying to each other, but rather how they say them. Every nerve in Kakashi's body is triggered at once. He doesn't have to be a genius to understand what he's seeing. Any idiot would be able to read the looks Shikamaru gives Sakura and she gives him.
He watches her shift from foot to foot, finished with her presentation. When Tsunade looks down to read a section of the mission report, Sakura and Shikamaru finally lock eyes. They say something to each other through lashes and looks alone. Their prolonged gaze feels like an invasion of privacy to watch. It seems that even Shikamaru has forgotten he's there.
He's never seen Sakura look at someone like that. Not even Sasuke.
'Except, that's not true.' An inner voice whispers back. It's the voice he's always trying to stuff down. The one that tempts him down a path he knows he isn't suppose to walk. 'She use to look at you that way. You just didn't want to see it.'
There. A move he's seen a hundred times: Sakura tucks her hair behind one ear. It's a shy, nervous tick from her school girl days. It's a nail in the coffin lid of his buried feelings for her. Except, it seems he hasn't buried them deep enough.
'This is for the best.' He thinks to himself. 'She needs someone her own age. Someone who can love her without guilt getting in the way.'
And then, Sakura asks the question that brings him out of his tormented thoughts. Involuntarily, he's back in the real world. She asks if Tsunade has had word from the summit, whether the Daimyo were able to come to an agreement.
He is determined to die a silent death in his corner until he sees Tsunade smile and lie.
"Not at this time, no." Tsunade says, setting the mission reports aside. "But I'm sure we will get an answer soon. The summit will be over in three days, I'll let you know when I receive word."
He doesn't know why his Hokage would hide information from Sakura, but he has to trust it's for the greater good. His skin prickles at the thought, however. He can list countless mistakes that have been made in the name of the greater good.
"In the meantime," she redirects, "This idiot thinks he's ready to get back out into the field. You're the only available doctor I have right now, so do me a favor and give him a check up."
Tsunade points a long, condemning finger to were Kakashi sits at the back of the room.
Sakura's posture changes in an instant. All at once, she goes from liquid to ice. It's as if she can sense him over her shoulder before she's even seen his face. He keeps his body relaxed and neutral when she turns, horror in her eyes. It perfectly matches the way he would look if you could see more than just his right eye.
It seems she hasn't forgotten how they parted. He wishes she would forget him all together.
"You…want me to do what?" Sakura says. Her voice is thin like she's losing oxygen. He doesn't miss the tiniest warble of nervous energy in her throat.
Tsunade busies herself with reorganizing her desk. "Give him a full work up and tell me if he's ready for active duty. And the sooner the better, get this man out of my hair please. Also, do a cardiac exam in the observation lab. Really make him work for it."
Shikamaru hasn't missed the change in energy that's paralyzed his pink haired student. The boy looks like he's going to say something when Tsunade cuts him off.
"Mr. Nara. I have something I need to discuss with you. Can you stay behind, please?"
The room is tense for a multitude of reasons, but Tsunade's steel rod spine does not buckle under the pressure. She holds a clipboard out to Sakura with a Field Fitness approval form ready to go. "If he misses even one point on the cardiovascular chart, put him back on house arrest."
"Yes ma'am." Sakura says. She is a stiff bundle of nerves when she takes the clipboard and turns back to face him. She's trying to put on a carefree expression, but her eyes dart back and forth from the Nara boy to himself. The only words she manages to say are "Let's get to it then."
"I'll find you later." Shikamaru says to Sakura. It's schooled non chance, but Kakashi can see it for what it is. It's the same feelings of longing that have gone unacknowledged in his own heart for such a long time.
It's the look on Shikamaru's face that makes Kakashi shore up his resolve. What ever those two are or are not to each other, he decides he isn't going to interfere. What ever his feelings are…were…he is determined not act on them. He's never planned on acting on them in the first place. There is no world where his wandering thoughts about Sakura end in a positive scenario.
So, why did he feel so disappointed?
'This is what you wanted.' The voice assures him. 'What would you even do with her love if you even had it?'
He resolves to never find out.
They leave Tsunade and Shikamaru to their business, exiting the office together. His mind is too full with too many concerns to let himself be derailed by this. There are bigger problems at play. He's going to get himself put on active duty status, and then he will be gone. Hopefully by the time he gets back, he will have killed and buried more than just a missing nin.