I had agreed on Sasuke-kun leaving. Because I had agreed, Naruto agreed. It had made the decision so final, and as we all parted ways from each other I found myself regretting agreeing at all. Sasuke-kun would have left anyway, but if Naruto was still against it, maybe, somehow, it wouldn't have happened.

Sasuke-kun would leave early in the morning. I had set my alarm to make sure I didn't miss seeing him off. As I lay awake in bed, I was beginning to realize that the alarm would be for naught because there was no way I was falling asleep tonight.

Everything would be alright, I tried to tell myself. Maybe this journey would really help Sasuke-kun. He needed help. He was broken. I didn't know where he planned on going, or what he planned on doing out there. Perhaps he had no plan yet either. Maybe he was going out there to learn, train himself, meet new people.

I swallowed at the thought of Sasuke-kun meeting new people. But he already had the opportunity to meet new people and he still had come back. After Naruto had dragged him back of course. What if we gave him a time limit? What if he couldn't be gone longer than a year this time? Or what about several months? Or maybe just a week.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and into my ears. A week was still too long. A day was too long. A second was too long.

I sat up, my gaze going over to the box I kept photographs. I had pulled it out the other day to reminisce on our younger days and never put it back. I didn't actually have too many pictures of Sasuke-kun. Only a few, where Naruto had successfully distracted him, and none of them were as good as our team photo. What would I do with myself with Sasuke-kun gone again? Train more? I could always learn more in medical ninjutsu as Tsunade-sama would say, but I was honestly finding it hard to locate new research material. I was already so far ahead of all my peers and a lot of the other adults. I could work on my chakra control, but I could only do that for so long before I destroyed another training ground. Maybe I needed a journey as well.

What if I went with Sasuke-kun!?

My breath quickened from excitement over the idea. I would be able to learn so much if I could finally leave this village to train. Naruto and Sasuke-kun already had the opportunity a dozen times. It was my turn now. And to be with Sasuke-kun, maybe he could teach me a thing or two.

Of course, going off with Sasuke-kun alone without Naruto seemed somewhat unfair. I was sure Naruto would be ecstatic with the idea of the three of us going on a journey together. He'd probably see it as another vacation. Naruto loved going to new places.

But Naruto couldn't really afford leaving the village now for a long period of time. He still had the Chūnin exams to pass. And he had gotten quite involved with reorganizing the village and the new coming changes that had been happening after the end of the war. He wouldn't want to be away from the village for too long.

Also, selfishly, I didn't really want Naruto to be there either. I always had the unpleasant feeling that Sasuke-kun favored Naruto over me. Naruto was always taking up Sasuke-kun's attention. That was what Naruto did, like a black hole sucking up everything. Sasuke-kun said he was attracted to me, but I wondered if that was all I was to him. Perhaps that was all Naruto was to Sasuke-kun as well, but deep down I knew that wasn't true. The two of them had been through too much together. Sasuke-kun cared about me as a friend, but I didn't think he was in love with me. Not as much as I was in love with him. And I had wanted to change that. I wanted to make him fall in love with me. That had been my goal since I was seven years old. And Naruto was always in the way.

I stood up in my dark bedroom, pacing back and forth a bit. If I left with Sasuke-kun, I couldn't tell Naruto. I didn't have the courage or strength to face his reaction. If I was gone before he knew, there was nothing he could do about it, and when I came back, he would forgive me. Naruto always forgave me. It wasn't that I was stealing Sasuke-kun from Naruto. I was just borrowing him for a while. Just so that Sasuke-kun would grow to respect and care for me like he did for Naruto.

I couldn't ask Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun would say no. He always said no.

I turned on the light to my vanity to look at the mirror. My hair was tousled from lying in bed, and I pushed it back with my fingers. I peered at my figure through my lashes in the dim light. Sasuke-kun desired me. That was the first step. I needed to use that to my advantage, to get him to agree to have me coming along. At the most, I would be someone he could sleep with at night. I would help him with his loneliness and keep away unwanted company.

And with me alongside him, he would get to know me. Maybe he could love me. Naruto loved me. I could be loved, couldn't I?

I opened the window and left the house without shoes or jacket. I leapt from building and tree stealthily until I reached the government houses. Sasuke-kun's front door was of course locked. I tried it anyway before padding my way to the side of the building where I knew his bedroom was. I was hoping that the window would be open, but it was chilly tonight, and I doubted Sasuke-kun would keep the windows open, too cautious to let such an easy entrance to his abode.

Yet the window was open. I could see the curtains blowing slightly as I crept to it. Before I was less than a foot away, I heard his voice halting me in my tracks.

"Sakura."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't think this part through. What was I even planning on doing? Just sneaking into his bed without him knowing and sexing him up in his sleep? Yeah, that was the plan, wasn't it?

"What are you doing here?"

Why was I here? To prove myself. "I couldn't sleep," I said. What a lame excuse. Then I added, "I miss you," desperately. I heard Sasuke-kun sigh, but the window stayed open. The floor creaked from his weight, and I hesitantly moved aside the curtain to see him.

He was standing away from the window, not looking at me, as if he was giving me space to climb in. I did so, and he shut the window behind me.

It was warm in the bedroom, dark with just a mattress on the floor, the blankets unmade. Sasuke-kun's belongings were all packed neatly in the corner of the room, ready for tomorrow.

He was only dressed in a pair of loose-fitting shorts that didn't look quite right on him, staring at the closed curtains. Neither of us said anything. I stood in the awkward silence, looking at the mattress and then back to Sasuke-kun. After a moment, I worked up the courage to sit on the corner of the bed, and only then did Sasuke-kun move from the window. He didn't say a word as he laid back down, not bothering with the blanket and sheets as he laid on his side, eyes open.

I crawled behind him, still too afraid to touch him until I was fully settled. I waited for five heartbeats. Enough time that maybe Sasuke-kun could have fallen back to sleep, though I knew that he hadn't. Then my hand snaked up his shoulder, squeezing the muscle before rubbing his neck. He didn't protest so I pulled his shoulder, making him lay on his back. Then I took a hold of his chin and I kissed him on the mouth.

Sasuke-kun didn't fight me, and I felt his hand on my waist as I laid all of my weight on his form, kissing him with the love I had just for him.

I pulled away from him for breath, Sasuke-kun's face lazily tilted up, lips parted, and eyes half lidded. "I love you," I whispered.

Sasuke-kun put his hand on my head and guided me back down to his mouth without answer. He no longer seemed annoyed with my confessions, as he was used to it now. But he still ignored them.

He kissed me slowly. I had a thought that maybe him kissing me slow and long was only to keep me distracted so I wouldn't keep annoying him with foolish words and pleas. Gradually the kiss sped up and I was caught up in the passion he created. Passion, he gave birth to in order to simply appease me, to control me. Because he would never let me escape this drowning bog of desire that I had created all for him.

He flipped me so I was on my back, him towering and imposing over me. This wasn't exactly how I wanted things to go. I wanted to be the one in control for once. I wanted to be the one that made him weak in the knees. Otherwise, nothing would change. I would still be that poor Haruno girl chasing after Uchiha Sasuke as he left me yet again.

With only a bit of extra chakra to help me, I suddenly twisted my hips, holding Sasuke-kun with my thighs before sending his back to return onto the mattress and gripping him with my knees to stay on top.

Sasuke-kun laid on his back, his one arm useless now beside him as he stared at me in shocked surprise. He was confused. I could tell by his expression which would have been amusing if I had any time to care. Sasuke-kun never seemed to understand the physical power that I possessed, no matter how many times he had seen it. It was about time that he started understanding.

The both of us were breathing heavily, though my breaths were far harsher, tied up with my emotions. I saw Sasuke-kun swallow, but he didn't voice his question. The question of, what the hell was I doing.

I was making him love me.

I placed a hand over Sasuke-kun's mouth. I don't know why. It wasn't to silence him as he wouldn't have used the energy to speak to me.

I lifted one knee, putting my weight over Sasuke-kun's mouth. With my free hand I ripped down his shorts. He winced as the fabric mercilessly ran under his backside from the force. Sure, the cloth caused a burn that probably induced some sort of pain, but I was surprised that Sasuke-kun would wince at something as trivial as that. He would never do so much in front of Naruto. I was finally alone with Sasuke-kun without Naruto, though such moments hardly ever lasted. This was my chance to extract the truth from him before Naruto exploded into the scene. My eyes went around the room for a millisecond, half expecting Naruto to appear at any moment.

I pulled the shorts down just enough to free him, slightly disappointed that he wasn't as erect as I was hoping. That was fine. It would be soon enough. I shimmied myself down one of Sasuke-kun's legs. I saw Sasuke-kun lift his hand, but I grabbed it and held it down. He raised his other arm, seemingly forgetting that he had no other hand until he gave up and let the severed arm fall.

I removed my hand from his mouth so I could grab onto his cock. I didn't give him time to protest before I covered him with my lips, sucking to get him as hard as fast as possible.

I had never heard Sasuke-kun make that noise before. A strangled yelp, his body desperately trying to fight off my superhuman strength. I didn't have to worry about accidentally choking myself on him as he was helpless to move at all. I took my time lathering him with spit, deciding to use my tongue and keep him out of my mouth for the time being to rest my jaw. I didn't know how long this was going to take. I was still inexperienced, and I had yet to cause a man to become undone with just my mouth alone. I memorized the taste of him, the feel of him on my tongue, and the smell of him.

"Sakura..." His voice held warning, but I ignored him. He deserved it for ignoring me all this time. "Let go of me."

Out of all the things Sasuke-kun could have chosen to be annoyed over with, it was me immobilizing him that won me that beautiful death glare of his. Not the sneaking into his room, or me throwing myself onto him. Not my desperation, clinginess or acting insane. Of course not. Not if he was getting laid. Discovering that Sasuke-kun was very much a man like anyone else was still strange to me. I didn't release his wrist. He was surely enjoying himself now as he was fully hard. Just the tip of him seemed to fill my mouth and was delicious. I let the hand not holding onto him roam his body, fingernails dancing over his taunt skin, running over every muscle I could reach. Sasuke-kun moved beneath me. He wasn't allowed to. I held his hip, fingers digging into the tendons beneath his pelvis bone. By the slight flinch he made I knew that it must have hurt him. My eyes flashed dangerously to his face. It was almost fear that looked back at me but my Sasuke-kun never showed fear.

With our eyes still locked, I took in only about a half an inch more into my mouth. Sasuke-kun actually whined, eye contact breaking as I defeated him. I felt him trying to push up with his hips, but he couldn't move with me holding him down.

I let him pop out between my lips, my mouth still parted as my breath hit his skin. "Behave," I growled.

Sasuke-kun gave me a look of bewilderment, obviously thinking that it was me that wasn't behaving, but too stunned for any words to voice such an observation. I rubbed my face over his erection, letting it press against the side of my nose and then pull my bottom lip down from the movement. My back arched, with my rear sticking right up in the air on all fours. I must have looked like some sort of slut on a cover for a porn video. I was beyond feeling any shame from it. I was in too deep.

I decided I was ready. Okay. Relax. I slowly moved my mouth over him, feeling the tip of him reach the back of my throat. I pressed harder, seeing if I could move it even farther. I couldn't get it to budge with the angle of my neck, but Sasuke-kun's moan was more than encouragement. It was a short moan. Like he was willing the noise not to exist. I pulled him out, letting my tongue swirl around the head on the way. I heard Sasuke-kun's breath hitch at that, so I repeated it over and over.

Sasuke-kun's noises quietened until they became nonexistent. The only clue revealing the effort it took to be silent was the grip he now had on the hand that restrained him. I had been using his noises to help me know what he was enjoying, but he was being stubborn. I listened anyway. I felt like I could hear the pounding blood in his veins, feel its throb in my mouth. He couldn't hide that from me.

Eventually I heard him say, "How long is this going to be?" in a tight voice.

I lifted my head, chasing away the hurt that such rude uninterested words gave way to. Sasuke-kun was always rude, but I knew deep down that it wasn't because he intended to be so. "Until you cum," I answered annoyed.

Sasuke-kun was busy staring at the ceiling. I saw his jaw clench his teeth, as if he was grudgingly accepting his fate. My hand slid down to his base and between his legs, its only purpose was to see if Sasuke-kun would let me touch him in his most private of areas. I felt his hand grip mine even harder, but he let me do what I pleased. I continued my work, bobbing my head up and down slowly, pushing him as deep as I could. He forced himself silent, but I could feel his member growing more rigid and twitching in my throat.

He gave no warning as he came, the liquid warm and hitting the back of my esophagus. I had been expecting it though. I was starting to learn his taste from the salty precum that he was producing. I knew he was close when that alone seemed to be filling my mouth with its flavor. I was able to suppress gagging, pushing the liquid to pool around my mouth first before swallowing. It was slightly unsettling, like drinking warm milk, but I came to realize the only unsettling thing about it was that it was warm. It didn't necessarily taste bad.

It took me two swallows to get it all down. I wiped my face with my hand as I sat up. I could feel my lips were swollen from the activity. They tingled at my touch.

I realized Sasuke-kun was now staring at me. His mismatched eyes wide as if he couldn't believe that I had accomplished my task. I looked away, trying to appear indifferent and sexy at the same time. Like it was no big deal. I couldn't help but wonder if I had done better than Naruto though. Sasuke-kun had been so still, and much too quiet.

"Are you going to sleep now, or will you leave?"

I turned my attention back to Sasuke-kun. If I didn't know better, it almost sounded like hope in Sasuke-kun's voice, like he wished for me to stay.

"Neither," I answered.

I saw Sasuke-kun's eyes narrow, getting ready to argue with me. Instead, I cast my gaze down to Sasuke-kun's softening penis. I placed my hands on either side of his hips, feeling his circulatory system with my chakra. "What are you doing?" His heart was still beating fairly fast, and I felt it speed up with my meddling. I could still faintly feel the chemicals of hormones in his system. I began to stimulate them, at the same time forcing his arteries to relax before closing up the veins again. Sasuke-kun jerked underneath me. "What did you do!?"

"I gave you an erection." Maybe I had no knowledge on how to control the body's brain mentally like Sasuke-kun could do with his Sharingan, but I could certainly manipulate the body physically. "How many times did you make me orgasm that one night?" He knew which night. The one with Naruto in the shower.

Sasuke-kun glared at me. "I don't remember."

Bullshit. "You better start remembering because this is going to be pay back."

I saw the Sharingan flicker in his dark eye. "That's ridiculous." Ha, again Sasuke-kun was underestimating me. I closed my eyes and grinned, feeling Sasuke-kun's nervousness floating off of his body. Sure, there was no telling what could happen to the body if abused too much. Sasuke-kun always did run the risk of losing too much chakra. But I had more than enough chakra for the both of us.

I slipped my shirt off before throwing it at Sasuke-kun's face. "No cheating," I said, leaning forward to tie the shirt around Sasuke-kun's head so he couldn't get me with any genjutsu. It would be difficult for me to ever win against Sasuke-kun in a fight, but he had too many handicaps now. I was going to win this time.

As I finished the rough knot in the shirt, I could feel Sasuke-kun's breath leave his mouth and nose harshly against my face. At first, I thought maybe it was from anger that I had the gall to do any of this. A second later I realized it was from excitement. This was turning him on.

He leaned over to kiss me, all teeth and fiery passion. For a moment, I wondered if this sudden change was because I took away his sight. Maybe he was thinking of me as someone else. Maybe Naruto.

I felt Sasuke-kun's hand clutch the back of my head, my heart leaping in a small fit. And then I heard him mumble my name against my mouth.

Sasuke-kun never used any suffixes when saying anyone's name. He chose to state things simply. My name sounded deep and monotone whenever it did escape his lips. There was no infliction on the syllables, except sometimes perhaps a lazier drawl at the beginning of "Sa" before ending the name harshly in its completion. When Naruto said my name, there was no denying the affection in his voice. I used to find it annoying and then later comforting in its familiarity. I used to dream that Sasuke-kun would say my name that way.

No, Sasuke-kun didn't say my name with love. I thought there was no emotion in it, but if I listened harder, if I wished for it more, I could hear other things. I could hear the guilt, the longing, the need for me and only me.

Sasuke-kun dragged me down onto the bed. He tried to dominate me with his kiss, which was so slow and arrogant. Not willing to submit, I moved frantically against him, mashing my lips on his teeth and mouth. It was messily enough that he grabbed my chin to still me before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. When I wouldn't stop, he dug himself in between my legs with a growl. It only paused me for a second. I wasn't going to just submit to him like he expected.

If he didn't have the patients to deal with me, he could have pushed me away. He could have told me off. Instead, he grabbed me tighter, he moved faster, he pushed harder. His breathing became heavy with our wrestling. I thought I could hear his blood racing in my own head.

We flipped each other so many times that it wasn't a surprise when we were no longer on the bed but on the floor. This would be how it would have been if I was Naruto. Sasuke-kun wanted that fight.

I was able to keep him away from me with my strength, but when I heard threads of my clothes start to snap from his yanking, I let them be ripped from my body. The sweat that was now coating us wasn't too much from exertion. I think we were just too excited, though I was still somewhat self-conscious. I wouldn't smell like Naruto. I wouldn't feel like Naruto. I wasn't Naruto.

His hand went hard over one of my breasts, agitating the nipple. Within seconds his mouth was there instead, biting down on it unforgivingly. I yelped, slapping him across the face without really thinking about it. Naruto and Sasuke-kun were always so violent with each other. If I was going to keep up with them, I had to be as well. I shoved Sasuke-kun back onto the mattress.

I clawed at his chest, to see how he would like it. His body contorted, his stomach contracting and his hips pushing me up into the air. Then I put a hand around his throat to keep him down. What air could escape his lips came out in an excited whine. I don't think he would have made such a sound if Naruto was here, but I never saw them alone with each other, so I didn't know. I stared down at him, realizing the magnificence of sex was that exchanging of power. I felt powerful. This was what Sasuke-kun and Naruto fought so much for, this dominance that now I had.

I could feel Sasuke-kun, stiff and hard, graze my backside as he blindly raised his hips searching for me. I leaned over him, away from his searching member, my hair and lips brushing over his reddened cheek. I kissed it, using my chakra to heal the raw skin from my slap. His hand was weak as he pawed at me, trying to hold on but without oxygen it had no power.

I rubbed myself against him. It was so easy. He was so ready for me. I inserted the tip into me with just a swing of my hips. He groaned. I could feel his pulse through my fingers and inside of me, but I wouldn't let him fully in. He tried, and I just squeezed tighter around his throat.

I fucked myself with just the tip of him, closing my eyes as I rocked my hips, wondering if I could hate Sasuke-kun, if I could just use him and erase all of my feelings. I could pretend I had sometimes. I could pretend now, even with him underneath me. But it seemed I could never really truly.

I rode him until I came, yelling out loudly and uncaringly. He struggled underneath me, but I wouldn't let him move. He was just an object to me now. And I thought maybe I could hate him. Maybe I had in fact hated him for a long time now.

I gasped in breaths once I was finished, letting the aftermath of the orgasm wash over me. I hadn't even noticed that Sasuke-kun finished as well. For a moment, I almost thought I was by myself, and I wasn't sure if I hated that. I released my hand from Sasuke-kun's throat, knowing he was nearing the point where he required more air, or he would pass out. I listened to him gulp. The sound was louder than I expected it to be. I felt him trembling beneath me.

And then he erupted. I was startled by the sudden movement. I realized, as long as we were connected, Sasuke-kun could very easily absorb my chakra without me noticing. He flipped me, slamming me into the mattress, pushing my legs up as he finally inserted himself fully and deep into me. I was overly sensitive, and it made me cry out. Now it was his turn. The power had shifted.

I still thought of Naruto. I wasn't sure what Sasuke-kun preferred, to have the power or to have the power taken away from him. Sasuke-kun being a control freak, I would have figured it was the first. Maybe that could explain his attraction to Naruto, or even my attraction to Naruto. Naruto was so strong that it was the greatest victory to take away his power.

Was it as satisfying for Sasuke-kun to conquer me? Probably not. I couldn't have been nearly as challenging. I melted too much. I briefly thought that Naruto may even be tighter than me, more enjoyable to fuck.

I squeezed experimentally, and Sasuke-kun seemed to almost sob, pulling out of me slowly, before ramming back forcefully. It made me think that Sasuke-kun didn't really have the power. He was on top. He was holding me down. But he was helpless. His breath was coming out in shudders.

He must have gotten tired of our game, for his hand came up to remove the shirt and for a startling second, I was afraid he had forgotten he was with me instead of Naruto. The way he gazed at me afterwards enforced that fear as he stared at me for such a long time. I could see my reflection in his black eye gazing back. He looked so sad. I wondered if when Sasuke-kun had been absorbing my chakra, he accidentally took some of my sorry emotions.

He kissed me urgently then, as if reading my thoughts. Perhaps Sasuke-kun had always been able to read my thoughts, but I never seemed to be able to read his. His kiss was suffocating and hard. I had to whimper out when the lack of air was too much and he pulled away with a gasp, burying his face into my neck so I could not see any more of his shamed gaze. He was all heavy around me, crushing me, moving slowly, like the physical manifestation of what I had been carrying in my chest all these years.

I brought my hands up to him, to hold him, to comfort him, because I couldn't tell if the wetness on my neck was sweat or his tears. I felt him release again, filling me up, so I could take back the sadness I accidentally gave him. Sasuke-kun didn't have to bear it. I was strong enough to bear it.

We stayed like that for the rest of the night, him inside me. Sometimes we were still, me almost falling asleep, but something would alert him, and he would move again, in slow, hard movements, making what felt like love to me. His grip on me was so tight I couldn't tell where I ended, and he began.

As I watched the sky from the window slowly become lighter, I knew I was running out of time. I hadn't asked to go with him. I was afraid. We hadn't spoken in hours. Sasuke-kun didn't have long conversations. I felt like he was trying to communicate with me with the way he was holding me, but I still couldn't comprehend. When I did get the courage to speak, I was unsure why it was the question that came out.

"Do you wish I was Naruto?"

He had been still for a while now, but I knew he was awake. He pushed himself up to look at my face, astonished by my stupid question. "No," he answered.

I felt suddenly embarrassed and couldn't look at him, so I kept my eyes on the window. "It's strange," I said, "that he isn't here."

Sasuke-kun pointed his face to the door, and then the window, before nestling it back into my neck, like he was sure Naruto would explode into the room as well. "He's not here," was all he said. He clutched me a little tighter.

"Do you feel guilty that he's not here?" Because I did.

"I always feel guilty," he quietly said.

Then we were silent. I was too exhausted to speak anymore so I didn't ask any more questions. I had assumed that we wouldn't speak again until it was time to say goodbye. I thought maybe if we did not talk, we wouldn't have to say it, but he spoke again after the long quiet.

"Do you love him?" There was something different about this question than all the other times he had asked or accused me of this. There wasn't any anger or jealousy. It was more desperate or sad. It was at that time that I realized that Sasuke-kun was just as insecure as Naruto and me.

I wasn't sure how to answer the question. I had a feeling that he was hoping I'd say 'no', like I usually did, but Sasuke-kun feeling so vulnerable to me, I didn't have the heart to lie to him. So, I said nothing.

For once in his life, Kakashi-sensei wasn't late. Who wasn't there, was Naruto, and it just augmented the guilt that I had gathered from the night before. Maybe Naruto had been there all along, watching in despair.

I didn't dwell too long on Naruto not being present since I was trying hard to stop myself from grabbing onto Sasuke-kun's coat and demanding that he stay. Not in front of Kakashi-sensei. Sasuke-kun didn't like public acts of affection, especially desperate acts of affection. I almost felt like I had gotten through to him somehow the night before. It was so strange that I didn't know how to feel. I had been trying to get closer to Sasuke-kun, but had somehow made myself feel almost indifferent. I didn't know how, as it happened during sex, when two people should be feeling the closest, but I had closed myself up, and only then did I feel like Sasuke-kun had needed me. Like he had needed me more than I needed him. If I only could get that to happen again, without one of us trying to protect ourselves.

Now I felt normal. Normal as in I was feeling the usual devastation of Sasuke-kun always leaving me. I hated that of me.

Sasuke-kun talked easily with Kakashi-sensei of his plans to start anew. His voice held relief, as if just no longer being inside the walls of Konoha put him to ease. He had been suffocating in the village. It was wrong for us to make him stay. I wanted him to stay anyway.

"Must you go?" I wasn't even aware I said the question until I heard my own voice. "Tsunade-sama is just about to finish creating your artificial arm out of Hashirama's cells."

"I need time to understand my feelings," For a moment, I thought Sasuke-kun was admitting to his feelings for Naruto and I, right in front of Kakashi-sensei. Then he said, "how I view the Shinobi world. This world. Perhaps I'll be able to see things I couldn't see before." Of course.

But still. I felt the blood rush in my veins. For Sasuke-kun to see things that he couldn't see before, maybe someday he could see what Naruto and I had been trying to show him all this time. It finally gave me the courage to ask the question I had been trying to ask for the past twelve hours.

"What if I said... I'd go with you?"

"My sins have nothing to do with you."

I knew he would say no. I knew it was too late to even try to convince him. It still hurt. Him leaving would always hurt. I let the familiar feeling of shattering go through my body until Sasuke-kun unexpectedly tapped me on the forehead right on my byakugou seal.

It was a strange action. I hadn't seen it as an act of affection at first, partly because the stab from his fingers was borderlined painful, though it was more unsettling from being unexpected than it actually hurting. Also, Sasuke-kun would sooner kill himself than to ever show the simplest of affection in front of anyone, and Kakashi-sensei was staring directly at us.

But it was the look on his face that explained to me what it was, a look that at first, I hadn't thought I had seen before. It was strangely familiar, his eyes soft and a small smile on his lips. He hadn't worn that look since he was seven years old.

"Maybe next time." He gave a quick glance to Kakashi-sensei, a frown on his face and it oddly looked like he was checking to make sure Kakashi-sensei had seen him stake this claim over me. Then back to me he said, "Thank you," though the 'thank you' should have been directed to Kakashi-sensei. He was the one who had given him his freedom, after all. He turned away from us, his black cloak billowing behind him as he walked away.

As he left us, me weak kneed, a harsh Déjà vu echoed in my head from the way he had said 'thank you'. I watched him until he was nothing more than a black dot, the landscape slowly swallowing him up and away from me. He hadn't actually said 'no', I realized. Maybe next time. A promise for 'maybe' which was more than he had ever given me before. It gave me hope.

He was gone, but this time he gave me hope.

Kakashi-sensei took me to a tea shop to get anko dango which I think was an act to try to cheer me up. I was surprised that he knew I liked such things as usually we would go get ramen with Naruto's annoying persistence.

We were silent at the table, and it gave me the impression of awkwardness that I would get when hanging out with my dad. Thankfully, Kakashi-sensei was quiet, unlike what my father would have been. We were facing each other at the table, but Kakashi-sensei was staring outside at the passersby. It felt unusual to face Kakashi-sensei at a table.

"My friends used to always come here when we were young," Kakashi-sensei suddenly spoke. "But I never went with them." He turned his head to me, but his gaze was on the table rather than at my face. "Probably because I've never been a fan of sweets."

"We can go somewhere else if you like!" I exclaimed nervously, already at a stand.

"No. Sakura, please sit down."

We were here to talk about Sasuke-kun. I knew it. I was reminded of the time my parents tried to talk to me about Sasuke-kun. It had only happened once, because after that one time I was able to avoid and escape all other conversations. My parents were pretty predictable, so it was easy to see where they were going with their words when they wanted to talk, but I was caught by surprise the first time. God, how terrible that had been, and now it was happening with Kakashi-sensei! Why?! Why now? When my parents had tried to do this talk with me it was five years ago. It seemed kind of late to say anything now. Why wasn't Kakashi-sensei talking about this with Naruto? Where was Naruto? He should be here. Naruto deserved this talk just as much as I did!

What if Naruto followed Sasuke-kun out of the village? That bastard!

"I wanted to apologize."

Someone came over to bring us our tea and I held it gratefully as it was something else to stare at than my old teacher.

"I've never been a good sensei."

"That's not-"

"I'm not talking about Sasuke," he interrupted, "or Naruto. Though I was terrible to them in different ways."

I peered at him cautiously, relieved that this conversation wasn't about Sasuke-kun, but wasn't sure what to make of it.

"I've never paid much attention to you, Sakura. It was incredibly wrong of me, and by the time I realized what I was doing, I already let Tsunade take over your training. It's too late for me to do much about it now, now that I've somehow become the Hokage. And I know I told you before how you should talk to other people about certain types of problems..."

Oh, god. 'Certain types of problems.' I remembered how he saw me kiss Ino. I took a quick sip of hot tea to hide my embarrassment, burning myself.

"... but, instead, I was thinking about what Naruto had said the other day, about how I will be your sensei until I was dead." His eyes smiled at me. "Naruto certainly has a way with his words." He then became serious. "I want you to be comfortable enough to talk to me. I understand it might not be easy for you, not like how it is with Naruto, but it wasn't fair, so I want to be here for you. I won't have time to train you. You will have to work on getting stronger on your own. But I have time to listen."

I stared down at my tea. Tsunade-sama had done a great job training me, but I had always felt somewhat of a burden to her. She didn't have the time, like Kakashi-sensei was saying. Me having been only a genin at the time, any sort of training improved me greatly, no matter how little attention I got from Tsunade-sama. At the level that I was currently, Kakashi-sensei wouldn't be able to teach me much, not when he knew so little about my current training already.

But a sensei wasn't just about training.

"Thank you," I murmured quietly. "I don't know what to say."

"That's alright. Say whatever you want to."

"I was a little bit jealous," I admitted. Hugely jealous. "Of Naruto and Sasuke-kun. And I do feel a little... uncomfortable talking to you sometimes." I saw the hurt in his eyes, but he wanted me to open up to him, didn't he? "But I will keep this in mind." I nodded my head. "You will always be my sensei. Until you're dead. And you know me being a medic, there's no way I'm letting that happen anytime soon."

He laughed.

I left the interaction feeling easier than before. Full on dumplings and tea, a weight felt like it was lifted off my shoulders that I didn't know I had. The relief had been a distraction from my other emotions. Unfortunately, it didn't keep them away for long.

On my way home, I found Naruto.

He was on the bench overlooking a pond closer to where the Uchiha district used to be. He had been far away from me on my route home. I only saw him because his blond hair was so bright. It took me a moment to reach him, but he didn't acknowledge my foot falls. I sat next to him.

We sat in silence for a moment before I spoke. "He's le-"

"I know," Naruto said, voice sounding very much broken. "I caught him on the way out."

I let out a breath of relief. At least he got to say goodbye.

"I gave him back his forehead protector, because he's part of the village again." Naruto nodded his head, pursing his lips together.

"That was so thoughtful! He is part of the village again. You did bring him back." My words didn't seem to be comforting, however. Naruto was trying to keep himself together, but I was seeing his face fall with every second that went by. I felt the pleasant feeling I had from talking with Kakashi-sensei fade as I gazed at the side of Naruto's profile.

"Yeah," Naruto replied after some time. "But you know... sometimes I think I was the one that scared him away." He laughed. "I didn't give him enough space. I was too... too much. I should have taken a step back."

I stared at Naruto. "He would have left anyway."

"I don't know."

"I probably would have been the one to fuck it up if I'm not the one that has already!"

Naruto looked at me then and smiled. "No. No, Sasuke would have stayed for you if he thought he could." He turned his gaze back to the water. "It was me."

I shook my head. "I don't think so."

The corner of his lips twitched, showing he did not believe me. "Thanks, Sakura-chan."

We sat in silence. This was different. Naruto always had more faith than I. It could just be how fresh this new wound was for him, but still, this wasn't like him. It was making me second guess everything.

Naruto took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Once he was finished, he asked, "What do I do now?"

What would we do now? We had spent five years of our lives chasing after Uchiha Sasuke. Now what?

"You'll train," I said. "You'll get better. You'll become the Hokage."

Naruto laughed. "Of course, I'll do all those things, but what do I do with this... feeling?" I didn't know so I stayed silent. I suddenly felt like Naruto was sinking down into some invisible hole beside me when he said, "God, he was like..." He laughed humorlessly. "... a fucking beautiful hurricane that came through my life, ripping and tearing and now all I have left is the debris." I took his hand quickly which had been resting lifelessly beside him. He looked at me, staring with his heartbreaking eyes. "Don't leave me too," he whispered. I reached for his face and carefully guided him down to my shoulder. He took a harsh breath. "Shit..."

I almost had. Sasuke-kun hadn't let me come with him, but I could have tried harder. I could have convinced him the previous night with him so desperately inside me. I could have followed him just now, waited to reveal myself until we were too far away from the village for him to turn me back. But how could I? How could I leave poor Naruto behind?! I couldn't. I had to stay here. He needed me to stay here. Guilt washed over me as I tightened my hold on him, a sob escaping his body.

With sudden shame I confessed, "No. I... I went to Sasuke-kun's house last night."

Naruto lifted his head to stare at me, but I couldn't bear to look at him anymore. I had my guilty tearful face on the pond now. "I thought I could convince him to take me with him. I went alone, without you. I stupidly tried to seduce him. We had sex. I should have brought you. It wasn't fair! I wanted to take him away from you!"

Naruto was silent and I felt the familiar feeling of hating myself. It was cut short as he let his hand land on my shoulder somewhat heavy before letting it slide off.

"Sakura-chan. It's fine." A short laugh escaped his lips. "I don't care. I don't care about stuff like that anymore. I care about the both of you. And I told you before it isn't really a sex thing, I just... ahh, maybe sick in the head I think." I saw him grin. "I'm not mad at you two for fucking without me." He sighed. "I'd probably be mad if you went with him though, because then I'd be all alone." He looked at the sky. "But I'm not mad at you for trying. I would have tried too, except I have these stupid Chūnin exams coming up and I want to stay and be Hokage. That's why I tried to make Sasuke stay. So I could have him, and you, and be Hokage, and near my friends. And that's selfish of me. So it's okay if you are selfish. We're both selfish. Now the bastard's gone again. Neither of us will probably get what we want. This is what we probably deserve."

"But he'll come back," the statement sounded too much like a question.

Naruto just made a huffing sound.

"I'm sorry," I finally managed to say.

"What?"

"For almost leaving."

I couldn't tell if the sound he made was a laugh or a sob.

"You're not alone." I brought him close again. "You haven't been for a while now, you knucklehead." I ran my fingers through his hair, his tears wet on my neck. "And you never will be again."

He lifted his head, taking a shuddering, calming breath and looked into my eyes. I thought he would kiss me. I would have let him, but instead he turned away. "Thank you, Sakura-chan. Thank you for being my friend." I remembered that one night, when he had blurted out he loved Sasuke-kun and I, but him simply calling me his friend now made me feel like all that was over. It made me wonder if we were a thruple anymore. Of course we weren't. Sasuke-kun had left.

I rolled my eyes. "You are always thanking me for being your friend."

"Because I'm thankful!" he said in a notably brighter voice. "I'm expressing myself!" The heaviness and despair seemed to leave his eyes, but I knew he was just covering it up. The energy that could be found constantly radiating around Naruto was but a security blanket, to keep him from falling apart.

I got up and offered him my hand. "Come on," and I walked Naruto home.

When we made it to his door he didn't enter right away, but instead turned to me. His gaze didn't quite meet my face. "Naruto." He looked at me then. "Um." I almost felt myself blushing. "Where do we stand? I mean, even if Sasuke-kun left are we still a-"

"Yes," Naruto answered immediately. "He's coming back, you know. So, of course!"

"Okay, but until he does come back what do we do... I mean, should we have some sort of rules?"

"You mean about the sex? "I did blush then. "I mean," Naruto scratched his head. "If you don't wanna, without Sasuke, I'll understand. If you don't think it's fair." I had never been fair. He waved his hand. "Yeah, that's fine. I mean I got my hands, right? Well I got the one hand."

"Goodbye, Naruto!" I said before he could explain to me anymore what he did with his hand.

"Goodbye," he answered, with a sweet and affectionate smile. I left him, and when I left him, I still had some hope for the three of us.