- Suckerpunch -

Shikamaru tries very hard to keep his cool when Sakura enters the Hokage's office.

He tries to pretend like he hasn't spent the last two days pacing around his bedroom obsessing about her. He's haunted by daydreams of pressing her against the wall of the bunk house and kissing her until her mind goes blank. The unbearable urge to talk to her had driven him to such a state of unrest, he'd actually cleaned. Voluntarily.

He'd washed and folded and dusted and organized until there was nothing left in his room to fix. Then he went to the kitchen, thinking to make himself some tea. Instead, he'd spent the afternoon obsessively reorganizing their messy pantry, at which point Yoshino had come in asking if someone had died. His ever-nosey mother had seen right through his attempts to explain away his erratic behavior.

"So, it finally happened." She'd said, giving her son that motherly look.

That was when he'd decided it was time to take his manic energy elsewhere.

He'd spent the better part of his only day off aimlessly wandering the streets of the village when he could have been napping or slacking off. Unfortunately, there were very few places Shikamaru could go in Konoha that didn't make him think about her.

There was the coffee shop around the corner from the hospital where he often found her comatose after back to back overnight shifts. The canal walk along the river was a no go too, because that just reminded him of Ino's birthday party. The lunch place with his favorite Unagi bento box was likewise contaminated from years of memories of the two of them playing chess together. It wasn't until he'd become determined to leave Sakura alone that he'd realized what an impossible task he'd undertaken.

Really, what was he expected to do: Try somewhere new? Yeah, not going to happen. Shikamaru had carefully cultivated his life with the explicit intent of avoiding meeting new people. For one, remembering peoples names was such a hassle.

Then, there was the chore of trying different things from an unknown menu. Sending money just to figure out what was good and what wasn't? Total waste. Better to order the same thing from the same place every single time. He wasn't lazy, he was efficient. It took very little to make him happy.

Until the one thing that makes him happy is suddenly the thing he's trying to avoid.

Sakura was always getting mad at him for this, telling him he was just as bad as Naruto with Ichikaru. The only time he willingly tried something new was when she or Ino were there to send it back for him in the event he didn't like it. He argued that there was nothing wrong with avoiding confrontation…but secretly he was grateful when they solved his social problems for him.

Except now, Sakura wasn't here to bully him into new experiences he ended up loving. She was probably off somewhere second guessing their night together and figuring out how to let him down gently.

Telling her to take time for herself had been a gamble., a calculated risk he was starting to second guess. Should he have been less forward? More? He didn't know how much more forward you could get than declaring your undying love in a public restaurant.

No, he didn't regret how they had parted ways. He just regretted parting ways at all.

He missed her…He missed her company. He missed watching her thoughts spiral as she tried to juggle the workload of three people. It was a special privilege to be the one who could talk her down from the ledge. He missed the quiet she brought his soul when they laid together in the dark, her head on his shoulder and his fingers in her hair.

He didn't know if he could bear it if she decided she wanted nothing to do with him.

And so, he'd decided to go to the one place where he could take his mind off her. He went to the Chunin office and finished out the afternoon at work. His boss had been thrilled when he'd shown up early, and gleefully dropped a weeks worth of backlogged paperwork into his lap. This was what Shikamaru had been reduced to: Doing a job he hated to avoid thinking about the girl he loved.

He'd never had such a productive day.

His heart drops like an egg onto pavement when he enters the Hokage's office the next day. He looks around in anticipation, only to find Sakura is absent from their debrief. Had she brought in her report early? Was she suddenly avoiding him? The surprise of seeing her Sensei in the corner adds its own filter of anxiety. The countless possibilities he instantly calculates overload his already overactive brain.

Oh god, She'd told Kakashi he'd love bombed her and the man was here to tell him to move on.

Because that's just what the brain does when the heart is vulnerable: it loves to punch down.

But then… she was there. She was sweaty and dirty and twenty minutes late. She's flustered and nervous, an absolute wreck. She hands Tsunade a mission report that's thicker than the bible, the whole time talking like he isn't even there. He wants to scream, to rip his hair out.

And then… she looks at him. She gives him the smallest of shy glances, barely more than a courtesy look. She smiles and silently mouths the word "Hi" while Tsunade's looking down at her papers.

"Hey." He whispers back.

If he hadn't known he was in love with her before, he knows it now without a doubt. Nothing short of love could have possessed him to kiss her in front of their Hokage and her sensei to boot. He doesn't actually do it, but he thinks about it. He probably would have kissed her if he hadn't been busy trying to remember basic information. What was his name? What are feet for?

Thankfully, Tsunade takes control of the rest of their debrief, so his mind is allowed to float on autopilot. Sakura's smile plays on a loop in his brain. Promises be damned. Waiting be damned. If he didn't get to kiss her in the next twenty minutes he's going to die a violent death. He was exhausted from thinking about her. He's-

"Mr. Nara. I have something I need to discuss with you. Can you stay behind, please?"

Shikamaru realizes he hasn't been paying attention, because the energy in the room has taken a twist. He's missed something crucially important, a tiny detail that will likely be his downfall.

"I'll find you later." He says to Sakura when she turns to leave the office with her Sensei.

She looks back and forth between the two of them, and he knows implicitly that something is wrong. He just doesn't have time to analyze it before she's gone. Now he's alone with his Hokage. She stares like a predator stalking her prey.

"Take a seat, Shikamaru." Tsunade says, gesturing to one fo the chairs in front of her desk.

Said chair is littered with stacks of files. He briefly considers moving them to the floor, then decides it isn't worth the trouble. He sits on the files as they are, not really caring if they rumple under his weight.

"Was something wrong with my report?" He asks, knowing damn well his report is a joke. He'd put it together only five minutes before his appointment. He leans into the back of his chair, crossing an ankle over his knee. He is a master of getting comfortable, no mater the position.

Tsunade looks at him for a long time, her eyes taking in his posture and the state of his clothes. He'd been too enthusiastic with the laundry yesterday. Everything was still wet except for his current training set. He probably looked like he'd just gotten out of bed. In truth, he'd been up since before sunrise looking for more chores to keep his mind occupied.

Finally, Tsunade seems to make up her mind. He watched his Hokage open a drawer at the base of her desk. She pulls out a familiar ruby red scroll.

"I've heard back from the Daimyo summit, actually just moments before you got here."

This makes Shikamaru sit up in his seat. He hadn't expected them to come to a decision so soon. "What's the verdict?" He asks. Tsunade has his full attention now.

When she takes a breath, he feels a pit of dread open up beneath him.

"I'm happy to say that initial approval of the satellite clinics has been granted. The Daimyo 5 are moving forward with assigning funding, as well as implementing the age of eligibility bill." Her hazel eyes hold his gaze like a robber holds a bank at gunpoint. "Sakura's bill was a resounding success. It might be the single greatest political upheaval in the last two decades."

Shikamaru's thrill rockets to the sky. He's excitement and joy and bloodshot victory until he realizes Tsunade isn't smiling. Her expression is somber. His excitement comes tumbling back down to earth.

"You don't seem happy." He says, keeping his voice neutral.

"Believe it or not, I'm thrilled. Both of you played an invaluable roll in changing the history of healthcare in this country. It's the steps moving forward that have me concerned."

He doesn't know what to say here. He is silent as a deer in the woods, senses searching for the danger in the shadows.

"The final approval of the bill is contingent on a couple caveats. Most of them are small notions that are still being finalized, but the main one comes down to you and Sakura. As we speak, the Daimyo are establishing a board of directors to manage funding and operation. Each country will appoint a chairperson to represent their countries interests, but they are all adamant about one point. You or Sakura are to lead as head of the Board of Directors or the entire project falls through."

Shikamaru doesn't answer. This has to be a joke. Someone has reached a fist down his throat and pulled his tongue out by the root. The wind has been yanked from the pits of his lungs. His vision swims dirty, all static at the corners.

"That…can't be right." He says.

Tsunade's look softens a fraction when his voice cracks. He doesn't know if her pity is for him, or his weakness. "The message I received was very explicit. It seems when you both met with the Fire Daimyo, you did too good a job. He is convinced that without one of you, the project will be dead in the water. If the Five Nations are going to pool their collective resources, they want to know the people proposing it are as invested as they are."

"Invested how?" Shikamaru asks.

With a sigh, Tsunade sits back in her chair. She steeples her fingers in front of her mouth. He knows he isn't going to like what she says. "The minimum commitment they want is five years. Chief Operations Officer, they're calling it. It's a full time position that would require one of you to relocate to the committee headquarters, where ever that will be-"

"Why isn't Sakura a part of this conversation?" Shikamaru interrupts. His mind has finally recovered from the shock. He's starting to see the bigger picture.

Tsunade remains silent. Her eyes say what her words don't have to. The pit of dread beneath him yawns a little wider.

"You want me to take the position. Don't you."

"You are smart. You live up to your reputation." Tsunade says. "I just can't let Sakura go, not even for this. I've hand picked that girl to be my successor. She is good, Shikamaru. She is really, really good. She's hungry and she's motivated, and I know I can turn her into a demon given enough time.

I'm hard on her, but every time I am, she surpasses my every expectation. She never complains, no matter how hard I hit her. She takes the sucker punch and stands back up, then asks me for another one. I have dozens of potential candidates I could train. People equally hungry for the medical knowledge I could bestow upon them. People just as smart, if not smarter. But they don't have what she has."

"Which is what, exactly." Shikamaru asks. Tsunade isn't telling him anything he doesn't know. She is describing the Sakura he remembers from the summit, cracking her neck before staring down the Daimyo five.

"Obsession." Tsunade's voice is cold as stone. "It makes for a terrible social life… but it also makes for a really good doctor. I don't want her leaving me for 5 years to get rusty doing bureaucratic bullshit. Being COO has nothing to do with hands on medicine. But you…"

Here, Tsunade picks up the two page report he'd handed to her earlier. She flips through the pages of his neat hand writing. His report is a fraction of the length of Sakura's but it contains everything relevant she would need to know. It's every detail about the work he did with Hitoshi during their brief time together.

"You put together a subsidy funding bill using a foreign nations lottery system as a template, with no previous drafting experience…in four hours. You possess exceptional problem solving skills. You impressed a room full of Daimyo who are impossible to please, and you didn't even have to step inside the summit room to do it. And yet…"

She tosses down his report like she's disappointed in it.

"You work as an applications clerk for… the chunin office."

"I like my job." He lies.

But Tsunade sees his words for what they are. The floor falls out from under him. He feels himself falling through metaphorical darkness. He has wandered into her trap, and now he can't get out.

"The compensation package for taking the position is… if I'm being honest, the salary is staggering. You could retire off the five year salary decades before your peers. You would meet and network with every influential person on the continent. You would travel for free. And even if none of that mattered to you, your participation would guarantee funding for a project that could change the Nin community indefinitely.

You might not be a doctor, but you would be saving incalculable lives. Shikamaru… this would elevate you. All it would take is 5 years on the Board to get the program up and running."

'It's only 5 years.' He thinks. Time slows while he processes this.

5 years of doing what he had done for Hitoshi, solving political snags his with unmatched analytical mind. 5 years of shaking hands and organizing fundraisers, overseeing materials and sidestepping red tape. 5 years of hard work for the chance to come home powerful and wealthy. He could retire early, just like he'd wished.

It was the opportunity of a life time.

It was a prison sentence.

"I…. I need to think about this." He says. The neckline of his shirt is digging into his throat. The room is too hot, he can't breath-

"I won't force you to take the position." Tsunade says, sensing she's loosing him. "But understand that if you don't, I know Sakura will. She won't hesitate to make sure this bill goes through. I won't stop her from taking the position either…but losing my star pupil isn't my first choice. I hope you can appreciate the position I'm in here."

Shikamaru looks up at his Hokage. There's real pity on her face now. He wants to destroy her office, to knock over every tower of paperwork. Instead, he feels himself being lead to a prison cell, powerless to watch the doors latch shut behind him.

"Unfortunately, I do." He says.

"Well then, you will also understand this next part. I have order you to keep this information confidential until you've come to a decision. Until you've made up your mind, do not say a word to anyone about this, especially to Sakura-"

This. This.

This is the line he refuses to cross, the detail his brain chooses not to accept. He stands up from his seat in a jerking motion, the files beneath him now rumpled and ruined.

"I'm sorry, I can't do that. I can't just take this job without including Sakura in the decision."

Tsunade's eyes are wide with confusion. She hasn't expected his leap from numb to panic.

But he can't stop his mouth from running on ahead. "Please Tsunade, don't ask me to do this. I can't make this kind of decision behind her back. Don't ask me to do this."

Tsunade's response is pity. Understanding. "Oh… Fuck."

Hearing Tsunade swear is it's own kind of hell. He's getting whiplash from his violent jump in emotions. His heart is a hammer trying to crack through his ribs. When he sees the dread on Tsunade's face, he knows he has exposed himself.

"Please tell me you two haven't become…involved." She stresses the word like it's a dirty thing. "How long have you two been a couple?"

It's the tone of her voice that finally breaks him. Because he didn't know what he and Sakura were. He only knew what he felt for her, and the future he had foolishly allowed himself to want. They were something, but they weren't a couple. A couple of idiots, maybe. Or maybe he was the only idiot in the room.

He answers with the best information he has. "We are not." He says quietly.

And because it seems to be her new power, Tsunade sees through this lie too. "For your own sake, I hope you're being honest with me. And if you're not… then I'm even more sorry you are being put in this position. But my say is final on this. I need you to make this decision on your own."

Shikamaru sinks back down into his chair. Not on purpose, but because he can't feel his legs. "How long do I have?" He finally asks.

Tsunade looks back down at her red scroll. "The Daimyo want an answer before the end of the summit, at which point Sakura's bill will either succeed or fail. I have to send an answer by midnight tomorrow."

Two days. Not even two days.

"Shikamaru…" Tsunade says gently.

His head snaps up. He had been lost in thought again.

She looks at him for a long time, choosing her words carefully. "There are worse ways we can be called upon to serve our people. To serve our village. Now is not the time to freeze."

Here, she stands and comes out from behind her desk. She walks around to the front and leans against the edge. This time, when she talks to him, it's not as the Hokage of Konoha. She talks to him like a person, and it makes him hate her even more.

"In a way, I especially understand what you're going through. I never expected to become Hokage. I didn't want any of… this." She gestures out to the mountains of paperwork everywhere around her. He doesn't feel sympathy. He only sees the chains of the future binding him to a position he doesn't want.

"But the call to serve has been made. You can answer yes, or you can answer no. Either way, you must answer."

Option 1 or option 2. He wants to die. He wants to throw up.

"I…I need to go." Is all he manages to say. He drops the words like they are a poison. They leave a vile aftertaste in his mouth.

Shikamaru leaves her office without waiting to be dismissed, and Tsunade doesn't stop him. Just like yesterday, he wanders aimlessly.

There is no where left for him to go.